What is a small joke that you get a big laugh out of?
Posted by Pieclops89@reddit | Jokes | View on Reddit | 1070 comments
in the 1980 movie "The Blues Brothers" there is a hair salon called "Curl Up and Dye". I laugh every time I think about it. What tiny little funny makes you laugh every time?
crgmomof3@reddit
Joe Piscopo in Johnny Dangerously: "My ____ did ___ once...ONCE"
Like "My mother hung me on a door once...ONCE"
ThinkMuch818@reddit
His best single line is him describing his revolver.
“It shoots through schools.”
“This shoots through armor, and the target, and the wall, and a tree outside—“
Bobs_my_Uncle_Too@reddit
Yeah, watched that with my teenager recently. The "shoots through schools" joke was a lot funnier 20 years ago.
headexpl0dy@reddit
I always got a chuckle out of "You farthing stinking bastages!"
Awkward_Pangolin3254@reddit
Fargin corksoakers, sumanumbatches
crgmomof3@reddit
Farging iceholes!
uglinessman@reddit
https://imgur.com/gallery/ikx35sh
crgmomof3@reddit
🤣🤣🤣
BigAVD@reddit
The mouth on this guy
BicTwiddler@reddit
"You fargin' sneaky bastage. I'm gonna take your dwork. I'm gonna nail it to the wall. I'm gonna crush your boils in a meat grinder. I'm gonna cut off your arms. I'm gonna shove 'em up your icehole.
wordaplaid@reddit
Fargin eyec_hole
Sensitive_Regular_84@reddit
Moronie deported to Sweden. Says he's not from there.
Straight-Seat-9640@reddit
Best part of that movie was when piscapo asks the cleaning lady if she wants to make a quick fifty bucks (to keep quiet about what she sees). She replies to him and the henchman, "sure! One at a time, or both together?"
drinkslinger1974@reddit
“Ya shouldn’t hang me on a hook, Johnny. My grandmother hung me on a hook once. Once.”
Embarrassed_Use299@reddit
I was working in a McDonald’s cleaning the restroom and this old man came in as I was exiting and I said to him “careful the floor is wet and those urinal mints taste like piss” I made it half way across the lobby before he started laughing so hard the whole place was staring at the door
Embarrassed_Use299@reddit
Also a liquor store store in Denver called “liquor box” and “a pane in the glass windows”
joernal@reddit
When I see to let signs and I just picture it as toilet, was more something I found funny as a kid, but I still do it
threeleggedcats@reddit
Working as a waiter I often that either “that’s on the house” or “would Madame care to taste” when I bring them tap water. I think I enjoy it more than they do…
skadalajara@reddit
I once had a bartender offer me locally sourced, artisanal, non-alcoholic vodka.
Cazza_mr@reddit
So potato water?
skadalajara@reddit
Minus the potato.
benji_014@reddit
“Are you the police?” “No ma’am. We’re musicians.”
Paperfoldingfractal@reddit
Reminds me of Sandy Tostvig's amazing pun when she was hosting The Newsquiz. The setup was that the event being discussed was the singer Sting had been talking at schools about Anti Social Behavioural Ordinances.
"Yes, Sting has been recently talking to students about ASBOs. Because no parent wants their child to have a Police record."
Low-Place-7651@reddit
Another line from News Quiz that sticks with me. "That's the worst use of the English language since Boy George put five commas before the word chameleon."
Pieclops89@reddit (OP)
And they're on a mission from god
GNU_STP@reddit
Read "Soul Music" by Terry Pratchett. Lots of reference puns in there.
The dwarf is called Glod (because dwarfs like gold, and glod is an anagram). When he sends the other band members out to steal a piano, they say "we're on a mission from Glod"
Key-Store-9187@reddit
He looks like he's Elvish
GNU_STP@reddit
Bud of the Holly...
tafjangle@reddit
“Nice beaver!”
Cazza_mr@reddit
Thank you I've just had it stuffed
RascalTempleton@reddit
That scene in Star Trek: The Next Generation where Q becomes human. He asks the crew what he has to convince them he’s telling the truth, to which Worf answers, “Die!”
SilentRaindrops@reddit
This one always makes me chuckle. I also like Q's query of Worf, " Eat any good books lately?" Little fact, this line was originally used on MASH.
Cazza_mr@reddit
Growl for me, let me know you care
EveryNet9317@reddit
“This parrot is no more. It’s pushing up the daisies. It ceased to be!”
Cazza_mr@reddit
It's a polygon
GadgetusMaximus@reddit
Three Stooges: the law offices of Dewey, Cheatham and Howe
Unlucky-Put4702@reddit
Not the Three Stooges
Car Talk Tom and Ray Maliozzi
Their retirement fund was run by Les Izmore
Accomplished_Fix5702@reddit
In similar vein, in any conversation about legal or contract documents, ask if there is a Sanity Clause, and wait for the reply from someone with their wits about them.
Probably the best one-liner of all time, it will never get outdated. Groucho lives on...
Papa_Smurf_73@reddit
You can't fool me; there ain't no Sanity Clause!
skadalajara@reddit
That's a relephant!
Papa_Smurf_73@reddit
This morning I shot an elephant in my pajamas. How he got in my pajamas I'll never know!
WestHistorians@reddit
"The party in the first part shall be known in this contract as the party in the first part."
"That's no good."
"The party in the second part shall be known in this contract as the party in the second part."
"Well, I don't know about that."
topselection@reddit
Groucho and femme fatale flirting by blowing smoke at each other over and over till they start coughing.
"It's like living in Pittsburg." Pause. "If you call that living."
Because_They_Asked@reddit
Interesting. I’ve only ever heard of all these jokes as part of the closing credits of the old radio show Car Talk - Click and Clack the Tappet Brothers (Tom and Ray Magliozzi).
mordecai98@reddit
Don't drive like my brother.
KingNosmo@reddit
https://www.cartalk.com/content/staff-credits
Wild_Director7379@reddit
And don’t drive like my brother
RichardAtRTS@reddit
Brought to you by, Doug ‘not a slave to fashion’ Berman.
Wild_Director7379@reddit
Bongo Boy himself
seenhear@reddit
From HAH-VAHD square, Boston
Time_Explanation1212@reddit
Our fair city.
skadalajara@reddit
I miss those guys so much. They're a large part of why I became a mechanic.
Mikesaidit36@reddit
Ow-wuh fay-yuh city.
Berek2501@reddit
Cambridge, MA, zero tooh-tooh tree-aight
Berek2501@reddit
Don't forget the Technical, Spiritual, and Menu Advisor, Mr. John “Bugsy Sebastian Mr. Height Sweet Cheeks Free Lunch Twinkle Toes Donut Breath Hula Hips Gigabyte Make That Two Triple Cheeseburgers” Lawlor
ortolon@reddit
I suddenly realized I need an urgent haircut.
mordecai98@reddit
And the Russian chauffeur, Pickup Andropov
Berek2501@reddit
And our statistician, Marge N. O'Vera
Jamo3306@reddit
My favorite was Truck Driver: Etienne Weals.
jf4242@reddit
And our customer care representative, Heywood Jabuzoff
Jediboy127@reddit
“Our food taster is Howard M. Burgers”
ItzakPearlJam@reddit
Our head of attendance "Julie Verley"
And our Greek food critic "Sou Vlaki"
UnlikelyApe@reddit
And the head of our working mother's support group is Erasmus B. Dragon
littlebrownbeetle1@reddit
Our sexual harassment investigator Pat Matukus
Jamo3306@reddit
Oh yes! I loved that one! ❤️
jomabu23@reddit
Tara Lupinski's tutu!
tslnox@reddit
I always laugh at souvlaki because it looks like Czech words "jsou vlaky" which would roughly translate to "[there] are trains"
echrisindy@reddit
Motorcycle Queen: Helen Wheels
thickbeardgoggles@reddit
I always heard it as Marge Inovera
Shagzter@reddit
And the three-testicled Russian, Hudjanikabolikov
Shagzter@reddit
And the Russian weightlifter, Popavalium Andropov
bernys@reddit
The accountant? Annette Profit.
redditorhowie@reddit
Benevolent overlord
Better_Software2722@reddit
Saw their office in Harvard square in Cambridge ma. Big sign
Low_Age_7427@reddit
Groucho Marx.."I refuse to join any club that would have me as a member "
BasketFair3378@reddit
I thought that was Rodney Dangerfield in Caddy Shack.
A10co@reddit
“Outside of a dog, books are man’s best friend. Inside of a dog, it’s too dark to read.”
50rhodes@reddit
“For 75 cents you can get a record by Minnie the Moocher. For a dollar and a quarter you can get Minnie”.
How they ever got that one past the censors….
bumpy713@reddit
I’ve been using that one for decades.
jbauer68@reddit
Yea, but have you been practicing it vehemently?
backyardstar@reddit
Yes. This is the slogan for my self loathing.
Windowman84@reddit
And the Donut Remover from the movie
Prometheus245@reddit
"That's the problem with these pipes, they're full of wires"
Remarkable-Run-9769@reddit
what is the joke or sketch? I'm not familiar with the Three Stooges, they were old timey USA physical comedy actors, right?
WalkerAlabamaRanger@reddit
I’ve always wondered about the inflection on this (heard it all the time on CarTalk). Is it “Do We Cheat’em? And How!”, or “Do We Cheat’em and Howl”, or something else?
Dunge0nMast0r@reddit
"And how!" Is old timer speak for "do we ever!"
WalkerAlabamaRanger@reddit
That’s how I interpreted it, but I was never completely certain.
3chilidogsandamalt@reddit
A long time ago a response of “And how!” meant (more or less) “very much”.
checker280@reddit
There’s a pinball game (Royal “something”) that has the quote “I’m Howard Hertz. LORD Howard Hertz!”
beach2773@reddit
Dewey, Cheatem,& Howe
GadgetusMaximus@reddit
The first one
BartlebyX@reddit
Or from Martin Lawrence, the firm Whiteman, Small, Johnson.
Organic-Low-2992@reddit
I. P. Daley
Humble-Cantaloupe-73@reddit
Mine Lawyers ? 'Rip, Rort, Gouge and Steele'
dcbwhaley@reddit
Private Eye solicitors: Sue Grabbit and Run
KurtisLloyd@reddit
30 Rock has a great bit where Jack is introducing his friend, Steven (played by Wayne Brady) who is a partner at the law firm of Dewey, Cheatham, and Livingston.
Socal_Cobra@reddit
Neeeeyuuuk ukuukuk, sointenly!
ItzakPearlJam@reddit
I loved hearing this one every week on car talk, but it reminded me of a similar one for which I can't recall the source:
Something..." offices of Hunt, Lunt and Cun...
...ingham"
WestHistorians@reddit
Animals are interested in the 3 F's. Feeding, fighting and mating.
LogSplitterWA@reddit
Reminds me of the three roads in Chicago that rhyme with vagina: Paulina, Medina and Lunt.
Shagzter@reddit
I heard a story a while ago that the Irish affectionately call their unit of currency the 'punt' because it rhymes with bank manager.
MyHamburgerLovesMe@reddit
Car Talk has a YouTube channel
https://www.youtube.com/@cartalk5901/videos
macthecomedian@reddit
Reminds me of a single shot in an episode of The Simpsons years (decades!) ago, it showed a farm- like building that sold tractor equipment and the like, with a big sign that read
Sneed's Feed and Seed
(formerly Chuck's)
Vigilante17@reddit
The NPR Car Talk guys used that one a lot ;-)
hatemoneylovewoman@reddit
This was one of my Dad’s go to jokes. I laughed out loud to see this at the top. He was born in 1943 and died and in 2015.
Richvl@reddit
This “law office” sign is in a window in Harvard Square in Cambridge, MA
Buffalo_River_Lover@reddit
I need a haircut...REALLY BAD!
AcousticOnomatopoeia@reddit
It's a classic, I always liked the divorce law offices of Ditcher, Quick, & Hyde.
Glum-Ad7761@reddit
Benny Hill’s take was pretty funny as well:
The law offices of Martin, Larton, Barton and Farrrrgo…
looloose@reddit
Let's get married, I can see you now bending over in front of the oven. But I can't see the oven!
Waste-Job-3307@reddit
Came here to say that. Great minds think alike!
Downtown31415@reddit
Originally the Marx Brothers gag
CGCutter379@reddit
Bailiff: Do you promise not to tell the truth, none of the truth, and everything but the truth?
Witness: I do
Bailiff: You may be seated.
Idaho_In_Uranus@reddit
First heard this from T-Bag in season two of Prison Break.
John_Lockesmith@reddit
Great show
Pieclops89@reddit (OP)
Oh, that's good!!
Material-Example-354@reddit
When someone says "I missed you" I like to reply "I missed you too, but my aim is getting better"
djohnson6131@reddit
Monty pythons Holy Grail "who's that" "I don't know, must be a king" ," how do you know" " he hasn't got shit all over him"
DOOManiac@reddit
In a movie, full of great lines, for some reason, my favorite is:
“Some day lad, all this will be yours.”
“What, the curtains?”
It’s so gloriously dumb. I love it.
hadji828@reddit
One of my favorite lines: "I fart in your general direction!"
LanceFree@reddit
Different movie but on point with the original question: “I’m Brian, and so is my wife”.
Cool-Egg-9882@reddit
And still relevant today “I want to have a baby “, “you’re a man, you can’t “ … “stop oppressing me”
Cool-Egg-9882@reddit
🤣🤣
I need to watch that movie again. It’s so funny!
Atomic-Pilot2707@reddit
You don’t have a womb! What are you gonna do, keep it in a box?
hadji828@reddit
Sorry, I was referring to the aforementioned Holy Grail.
Mikesaidit36@reddit
fahht
Informal_Stress_9953@reddit
She’s beautiful… she’s rich… she’s got HUGE… tracts of land…
MyLord_Robert@reddit
When the knight storms the castle and slaughters everyone in his way he mumbles "the apples are poisoned" while stabing some random guy carrying apples and since I noticed (it's really quietly) that's the funniest thing to me. Just so goddman random, storming a castle, claiming there is poison in this fruit and stabbing everyone.
glimmershankss@reddit
What is the avarage velocity of an unladen swallow.
XenophonSoulis@reddit
An African or a European one?
Atomic-Pilot2707@reddit
Oh king, eh? Very nice!
Pieclops89@reddit (OP)
I think about the peasants in that movie way too often
Motorboat_Jones@reddit
"Help! Help! I'm being repressed!"
"Bloody peasant!"
"Oh, what a giveaway. You heard that, didn't you?"
Disastrous-Arrival-5@reddit
There’s some lovely filth over here.
harswv@reddit
When my kids were toddlers I taught them to say “help, help! I’m being repressed!” My husband was not very amused.
nerdycomic@reddit
Come see the violence inherent in the system!
MilwaukeeMechanic@reddit
Come and see the violence inherent in the system!
UvarTheRaw@reddit
THIS will be my poster for the next No Kings protest.
genxindifferance@reddit
Truly one of the best scenes of the movie.
Tardegrades@reddit
Same
Hollywood-AK@reddit
And they rejoiced
Pieclops89@reddit (OP)
hooraaaay....
Disastrous-Arrival-5@reddit
My favorite comedy of all times. Just because some watery nymph tosses a sword at you doesn’t make you a king.
genxindifferance@reddit
You can't expect to wield supreme executive power just cuz some watery tart threw a sword at you!
spaceinvader421@reddit
I mean, if I went around claiming I was an emperor just ‘cause some moistened bint lobbed a scimitar at me, they’d put me away!
genxindifferance@reddit
Moistened bint kills me every time
bahgheera@reddit
Be quiet!
hoopastank@reddit
Supreme executive power derives from a mandate from the masses, not some farcical aquatic ceremony.
bahgheera@reddit
I ORDER you to BE QUIET!
trystanthorne@reddit
Every bit of that movie is quotable greatness.
KatanaCutlets@reddit
Brave Sir Robin ran away.
Bravely ran away, away!
When danger reared its ugly head,
He bravely turned his tail and fled.
Yes, brave Sir Robin turned about
And gallantly he chickened out.
Bravely taking to his feet
He beat a very brave retreat,
Bravest of the brave, Sir Robin!
WikiWantsYourPics@reddit
Old woman!
Man.
Man, sorry. What knight lives in that castle over there?
I’m 37.
What?
I’m 37. I’m not old.
Well I can’t just call you “man”.
Well you could say “Dennis”.
Key-Store-9187@reddit
I didn't know you were called Dennis
nedtit@reddit
And I just learned that this was an ad lib. Which Pythons didn’t do very often.
Birdapotamus@reddit
From 'Life of Brian' "Where's the fetus going to gestate in a box?"
Fartyfivedegrees@reddit
A definite favourite of mine, mainly due to its subtle delivery.
ExternalNote1354@reddit
“Help! Help! I’m being repressed!”
jc31107@reddit
My cousin Vinny
The two hwhat?
airportdelay@reddit
Yoots!!
CerberusZX@reddit
What is a yoot?
Magenta_Majors@reddit
Okay, so I was in Utah, and someone said something about Utes, which I did not know is actually a tribe in the area. And I was like "WHAT is a YOOT". And they looked at me like I was a crazy person. So I said "Were there two of um? Two Yoots?!" And they were like "...". Then after an uncomfortable silence one of them said "A Ute is a member of the Ute tribe which manages this basin area". I tried to explain how I'm not anti American Native and how really this is all a joke from a great movie, but they hadn't see it. And now I relieve that every time I think about this joke.
Atomic-Pilot2707@reddit
This is the most Mormon thing ever
Mauri0ra@reddit
This is what we yell at Herman Munster in Australia. A ute (short for "utility") is an Australian vehicle with a front passenger cabin and an integrated open rear cargo bed. While originally based on passenger car chassis, the term now includes most pickup trucks. I feel Marissa Tomei's character would have known this.
HiRedditItsMeDad@reddit
omg. Alex uses a torque wrench to demo an oil change in a recent Technology Connections and all I could think about was the "dead on balls accurate" quote.
jc31107@reddit
I use the follow up line to this all the time and nobody connects it “I guess the fuckin things broke”
bahgheera@reddit
When he runs out the cabin in the middle of the night shooting all over everywhere, that was the one that got me.
DM_ME_DOPAMINE@reddit
In his boxers and leather jacket, no less.
tryingtosurvive43@reddit
Regular, I guess.
jc31107@reddit
Probably the first and only time somebody used the words grit and al dente together
lizlemon921@reddit
What is a grit?
jc31107@reddit
Do the laws of physics cease to exist on your stove?
Acceptable_Stop2361@reddit
Guess I'm a fast cook
Scrapper-Mom@reddit
Do you two know each other?
Yeah, she's my fiancee
Well that would certainly explain the hostility
Ferociouspanda@reddit
And then BAM! Some asshole shoots ya. Now you tell me, would you care what color the pants of the asshole that shot ya were?
GirlinMichigan@reddit
Everything from this movie!
Greenfieldfox@reddit
Whole movie is gold. Would you like me to explain.
jc31107@reddit
I would LOVE to hear this
BrilliantSpray9447@reddit
Airplane II
“Doctor, can you give us your impression of Mr Striker?” “I’m sorry, I don’t do impressions. My training is in psychiatry.”
Cold_Table8497@reddit
"It's even worse for the guy in the next bed. He thinks he's Ethal Merman."
Mentalwards@reddit
"There's no business like show business!.
Xzarial@reddit
Surely not! No and stop calling me Shirley!
BleachedGrain26@reddit
"You'll be grand! You'll be great! Gonna have the whole world on a plate! Honey... evvverythingggg's... cominnng up...... rosezzzz..."
Mentalwards@reddit
You're right. It's been a while since I've seen it.
SpriggedParsley357@reddit
Except that the Ethel Merman joke was in the original Airplane! movie.
BleachedGrain26@reddit
"Lieutenant Horowitz. Severe shell shock. Thinks he's Ethel Merman."
Motorboat_Jones@reddit
"You'll be great! You'll be swell! Everything's tuuuurniiiing up rooooses..."
DrBigsKimble@reddit
My favorite from the second film is Shatner. “Meet me at the bridge” “Sir we don’t have a bridge.” “No bridge? Dammit, why doesn’t anyone tell me these things?” Screen swings forward and he is standing right there.
spgreg@reddit
I use that line all the time
Demonweed@reddit
That one really stuck with me. I don't even need to pull up a clip to remember the punch line is, "why the hell aren't I notified about these things!?!"
hux@reddit
That series has so many brilliant lines. I was surprised to find out that Leslie Nielsen had predominantly done serious roles before then - and that was part of what made it so funny at the time. People were used to him playing it straight.
Mikesaidit36@reddit
I worked with a woman who was somewhat distant relative of his, but her family had massive family reunions, and he would always show up, and crack everybody up, especially the kids.
cooscoos3@reddit
I’ve said “I’m sorry, I don’t do impressions” a few times over the years and nobody ever gets the reference.
Mikesaidit36@reddit
Maybe you should quit the psychiatry biz.
BankshotMcG@reddit
I lose it every single time at "no, I've been excited before."
docjonel@reddit
I love that the apartment complex where Peter Gibbons lives in Office Space is called Morningwood Apartments.
danieljohnsonjr@reddit
Bob: It looks like you've been missing a lot of work lately, Peter.
Peter: I wouldn't say I've been MISSING it, Bob.
raypell@reddit
In. ghost brothers one guy said “dickless over here opened the box” mayor asked “is this true” bill murray says “yes your honor the man has no dick”. Stupid but cracks me up
1LongKnight@reddit
Thank Autocorrect for the extra laugh, I believe the movie title is Ghost Busters. Cats and dogs living in sin.
raypell@reddit
Yep your right. Need to proof read more
LadyHackberry@reddit
*you're ;)
raypell@reddit
Dammit, I guess I’ll never learn! I stand corrected thank you.
skadalajara@reddit
Mass hysteria!
bss60@reddit
My favorite line in that movie, and there are many great ones!
HoundIt@reddit
“He informed me earlier today of a nefarious plan of his to screw my girlfriend in an extremely uncomfortable place.”
“What, like the back of a Volkswagen?”
Volskil@reddit
That kid is back on the escalator again!
Itchy_Artichoke_5247@reddit
in an episode of The Golden Girls: The ladies were talking about how their husbands died and Rose (Betty White) said that her husband died while they were having sex. After the women exchange a few comments about it Rose states, almost as a throwaway line, "I never understood what he meant by 'I'm going, I'm going.' "
I was too young to understand the double entendre when I first saw that episode but I somehow knew it was comedically significant. I always remembered it and then, once I was old enough to understand it, I understood why it was comedy gold.
Comfortable-Ad6929@reddit
That's almost like the line in the movie "Private Benjamin". Goldie Hawn's character was having sex with her newlywed husband during their honeymoon when he dies. At the funeral, the husband's mother asks her what were his last words. "I'm coming"
Disastrous-Arrival-5@reddit
In Raising Arizona, the bank robber is robbing the little store owned by a “hayseed “ and he sees a bag of balloons at the counter that’s for sale, and he gets all excited as says “oh are these those kind of balloons that blow up in funny shapes?”. And the “hayseed “ says “well no, unless round is funny “ I piss myself every time I think of that line.
genxindifferance@reddit
Moistened bint kills me every time
Life_Firefighter_471@reddit
The Fleetwood Mac reference/wordplay in the first episode of Flight of the Conchords: “Rumours.” “No, All true.”
https://youtu.be/LK9kzCnunWo?si=Yh12wDZfRM3-_dX9
Ok-Moose-3273@reddit
There's a "Curl up and Dye" in OOB, Maine. At least there was 20 years ago when I lived there. It made me laugh every time I drove past it.
lurcher54@reddit
how many ears does Davy Crockett have? a left ear, a right ear and a wild frontier.
TheActualJonesy@reddit
Then there's "Shy Anne's front ear daze".
assumes@reddit
“If I were married to you, I'd put poison in your coffee."
"If you were my wife, I'd drink it!"
TheActualJonesy@reddit
... paraphrased from Winston Churchill
happyrtiredscientist@reddit
Mike hunt.. Paging Mike hunt.
Happytobehere66@reddit
"If I am not back in five minutes...wait longer" ~ Ace Ventura
TheActualJonesy@reddit
If I get there first, I'll make a mark. If you get there first, rub it out.
spgreg@reddit
I go with the line from Big Trouble in Little China; If I’m not back in fifteen minutes call the president.
Old_hubbard_mother@reddit
I still use this
bahgheera@reddit
"Stay here, hold the fort and keep the home fires burning. If we're not back by dawn... Call the president."
Pieclops89@reddit (OP)
I'm actually gonna use that, I'm often late😅
OldPhotograph827@reddit
Except that being chronically late is not funny in real life.
Mikesaidit36@reddit
Especially if you’re a.
ohgeebus_notagain@reddit
I use that one all the time. It's so old that it 99% never gets recognized
Dinnerpancakes@reddit
I typically think of the “if I’m not back in 10 minutes, call the police.” “If he’s not back in 10 minutes, we callin dominos.” From half baked.
TheoryConsistent4870@reddit
My brother
czardmitri@reddit
I always say “I’m not late if I don’t go.”
andersslayer@reddit
Just
fd1Jeff@reddit
Homer to Marge: “if we don’t come back, avenge our deaths.“
Arthropodesque@reddit
Homer saying grace at dinner: "Dear God, STAY OUT OF OUR WAY!!!"
Acceptable_Boss_7468@reddit
I used that line in customer service once. The lady thought it was rude.
looloose@reddit
Shakaka
Hello_IM_FBI@reddit
CHI-CA-GO!!!
THEMACGOD@reddit
I still use that.
GumboDiplomacy@reddit
As a bartender, that's what I tell customers when I take a smoke break.
IamKingBeagle@reddit
...call the police
m0n3ym4n@reddit
Ventura!
Yes, Satan? Oh! I’m sorry, you sounded like someone else
IamNICE124@reddit
Phenomenal lol.
i_believe_you_NOT@reddit
A different Abby.
danktopus@reddit
Someone graffitied “Insert Baby For Refund” on the dispenser slot of the condom machine in one of the men’s rooms at the Flora-Bama. I saw it 20+ years ago and it still cracks me up.
OID0G@reddit
Man, haven't thought about that place for 20+ years. There every weekend while in A school in Pensacola.
danktopus@reddit
That’s why I was there too! I did almost a year at the AVI A-School in Pensacola and then another 7 months at the calibration C-School in Biloxi, great times at the FB
OID0G@reddit
And the fights at Waffle House across the street.
M_Looka@reddit
Ok... this is a long way too, but stick with it...
In the film "Cool Hand Luke," Luke and Dragline bet the entire prison that Luke can eat 50 hard-boiled eggs in one hour. So before the hour starts, Dragline is peeling the eggs.
One of the guys that bet against Luke says, "Wait a minute, he peels his own eggs! That's understood!"
And Dragline says, "When it comes to the law, nothing is understood!"
franksymptoms@reddit
Lady Astor: "Winston, if I were your wife I'd put poison in your drink!"
Churchill: "Madame, if you were my wife I should drink it!"
Churchill: "A good speech should be like a woman's skirt: long enough to cover the subject and short enough to create interest."
SniffySmuth@reddit
Little boy blue. Hey he NEEDED the money!
brownhk@reddit
Three Stooges.
Stooge 1: "I'm goin' fishing." Stooge 2: "Got worms?" Stooge 1: "Yep. But I'm going anyway."
bernys@reddit
You know you've got worms when your older brother wants to go fishing and asks you for bait.
Farmeritaville@reddit
Visual puns or “sight gags” like that are my absolute single favorite thing about The Simpsons. They cram so many good ones in, it’s crazy.
PhillyFotan@reddit
For hair salon names, my favorite is from the Simpsons -Turn Your Head And Coif.
Jjikky@reddit
The Severed Ear - Australia
Adventurous-Orange36@reddit
Curl Up And Dye is also from The Simpsons.
BassicNic@reddit
That time the 'e' on the grocery store sign went out so it read 'Pric Chopper'.
seitanicverses@reddit
Went to a small-town grocery store in Japan, and there was some signage on the wall in English, just to be stylish. Japanese people famously have trouble distinguishing between "r" and "l"--and so, above the butcher counter, in one-foot high letters, it read "FLESH MEAT".
A911owner@reddit
A while back, there was a jiffy lube near me that the j went out on the sign, so it just said "iffy lube"
onetenoctane@reddit
The sign tells no lies
skadalajara@reddit
A bit on the nose, that.
ebeth_the_mighty@reddit
When I was a kid, large portions of the local KFC sign got covered by snow, so the sign read “ucky Fried ick”
I’ve referred to the chain by that name since 1986.
ElevenFortyEight@reddit
My grandson learning to read saw a KFC / Taco Bell shop. “Taco Bell, k f what the k fuck.
LoathsomeNarcisist@reddit
Oooooh, and their logo is an axe.
Select-Touch-6794@reddit
A beauty shop near me has a sign where the W went out. It says ”FACIAL AXING” fr
beelzebro2112@reddit
Price Chopper is a throw back man.
We drove by a Popeyes were most of the sign was out so it read
P_pe_e_
Kids and I still laugh about that one.
LordEvans@reddit
Local Countdown Supermarket neon sign lost it’s “O”
currentlyinbiochem@reddit
One of the L’s went out for at least a year on the Milwaukee Public Market sign that’s visible from the main freeway towards downtown… “Milwaukee Pubic Market” made me laugh every time
TheDankRefrigerator@reddit
I live near a place called “Bargain Club”, and for a while the sign read “Argai Club”
My very lesbian wife and I had a field day with that one.
javipipi@reddit
The pig named Chris P. Bacon
Galaxy-Pancakes@reddit
I am aiming precisely at your groin. So speak now or forever hold your piece.
when_music_hits@reddit
There's a shoe shop on the kings road, Chelsea called r soles...gives me chuckles every time seeing certain types walking around that area
bigmazi@reddit
zeroshock30@reddit
"Rectum? Damn near killed 'em!"
LadyHackberry@reddit
That's the only punchline that doesn't need the joke to make you laugh.
zeroshock30@reddit
The funny (er) part is, its like you come from the womb knowing the joke. I couldn't even tell you the first time I heard it
BigAVD@reddit
Literally breaks me up every time
One_Bluebird_04@reddit
I also do anything ending in er/similar sounds with "I hardly know her!"
Rubber? I hardly know her! Etc.
gzuckier@reddit
That's what she said! Oops, wrong joke.
Tardegrades@reddit
Every time!
dylank22@reddit
lol this used to get said a lot, i'll have to bring it back
Pieclops89@reddit (OP)
Classic!
Pale_Huckleberry_798@reddit
Wig shop nearby called "Shhh... it's a wig"
ExternalNote1354@reddit
“Jane, you ignorant slut!”
LadyHackberry@reddit
"Never mind."
Select-Touch-6794@reddit
“How will you ever get any satisfaction hopping from bed to bed.”
We ask our cats thus question all the time.
tonydal7681@reddit
The scene in Blues Brothers where the nun kicks Jake & Elwood down the stairs. She says "Don't come back until you've redeemed yourselves. Taught 7th grade reading in a 7-12 building - 7th graders were deer in the headlights. First time a 7th grader asked to go to the bathroom, I'd say (in my most formal teacher voice), "Get out! And don't come back -until you've relieved yourself" Got funny looks from some kids, but I enjoyed it.
Muavius@reddit
The new Oldsmobiles are in early this year...
DJTilapia@reddit
There sure is a lot of room in this mall!
bungojot@reddit
This place has everything.
onetenoctane@reddit
You want out? Okay.
Polymath6301@reddit
I thought I was the only one who noticed and quoted this line, often. And always to blank looks…
Muavius@reddit
My wife and I quote the movie constantly. Any time we find change "there's gotta be at least seven dollars in change here"
ExternalNote1354@reddit
There are a ton of “Chicago-isms” in the movie that one might not get unless they’ve live there. “That’s where they got that Picasso, right?” “Illinois Nazis.” “I hate Illinois Nazis.” “Mister man! Mister man!” “How often does the train go by?” “Often enough that you won’t even notice it.”
richardelmore@reddit
Also Blues Brothers…
It’s 106 miles to Chicago, we’ve got a full tank of gas, half a pack of cigarettes, it’s dark and we’re wearing sunglasses.
Hit it!
Pieclops89@reddit (OP)
There are so many good little bits in that movie.
keestie@reddit
" <--- You dropped one of these, and it made things quite confusing.
themadmappers@reddit
“We’re gonna need a bigger boat” works with so many things
doctormoneypuppy@reddit
In the 80’s I briefly lived on the edge of the Castro in San Francisco. Bar had a little white bird with a forked tail over the door. “The White Swallow”
Down the street was a bottle store, “Suckers Liquors”
Sorry
GrumpyCatStevens@reddit
Then of course there are the numerous pho restaurants around the US named Pho King.
Lorindale@reddit
I can't remember if this is real or my brother made it up, but don't forget about Sofa King for all your mattress needs.
Our mattresses aren't just comfortable, they're Sofa King comfortable!
LadyHackberry@reddit
I saw it on Saturday Night Live a long, long time ago. Back when SNL was really good.
rdcpro@reddit
I heard this as a prank joke to get the listener to say something... Unflattering.
We Todd It. I am Sofa King. I am Sofa King We Todd It.
bahgheera@reddit
It goes like this:
EYE YAM SOFA KING WEE TODD DID
You just write those down and ask someone to read it out loud.
charonco@reddit
Back when radio shack was still open, I had a scrolling sign I had gotten from there in my back window that scrolled this. I always washed my mirror at stop lights and it was hilarious to see one person mouthing the words and the other person laughing their ass off.
fenderstratsteve@reddit
I think Sofa King [insert] started in ‘99 or 2000.
Lorindale@reddit
Well, I am quite old.
dki9st@reddit
There used to be a local (to Pearland, south of Houston, TX) cover band called the Sofa Kings.
gillead_68@reddit
I want to start a food truck that served pho/BBQ fusion, and call it Pho Q
GrumpyCatStevens@reddit
I'd like to do a place that serves it in a smaller vessel - we could call it Pho Cup.
Algaean@reddit
No, they love a good Pho King
Arthropodesque@reddit
If it's gluten free, it's faux pho, because of the French influence.
Murky-Incident3262@reddit
Yeah, they love it - as long as it is not the Wong Pho King!
DaiFu007@reddit
I wanted to open a franchise of pho alphabetically “Pho King A”then jump to “Pho King Q” it tickles…..
DugganSC@reddit
We've got a few Pho King's in Pittsburgh, as well as the Thai-em-Up restaurant.
hadji828@reddit
There was this in Madison, Wisconsin-- but it's not there anymore:
https://s3-media0.fl.yelpcdn.com/bphoto/BwvaUR5M5OJGbwXeUACUiw/258s.jpg
Tough-Effort7572@reddit
Was a real in in Portland called Hung Far Low https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Hung_Far_Low_(restaurant)
keestie@reddit
My city is full of pho shops, and one is named Pho Que Huong... Poor Huong.
Tomcat218@reddit
There is one near me named Pho Gyu.
PumaDick@reddit
Glen Allen??
tigole@reddit
There's a Pho King Long.
Henri_Dupont@reddit
Of course there was also a laundromat/coffee bar in the Castro called "Sit and Spin"
BankshotMcG@reddit
It pleases me immensely to be this comment's 69th upvote.
doctormoneypuppy@reddit
The doctor thanks you
PhillyFotan@reddit
In the 90s I lived near Boystown, in Chicago. I remember walking by a clothing store that had a big sign on it reading "Don We Now."
StrictlyForTheBirds@reddit
Booze store in Salem, MA ... Bunghole Liquors
doctormoneypuppy@reddit
Legit though… ask a coopersmith
qualityfinish47@reddit
Sneed’s seed and feed
Formerly chuck’s
(The Simpsons)
NorthOfSeven7@reddit
Planes Trains and Automobiles. At the start of the movie John Candy is seeing sitting at the airport reading a paperback. The title is “The Canadian Mounted” 😂
YoshSchmenge@reddit
History of the World Part 1
A blind beggar is staggering down the street, saying "Give to Oedipus. Give to Oedipus."
He walks past Josephus, sticks out his hand and says, "Hey Joesphus"
Josephus slaps his hand and replies, "Yo, Motherfucker."
I laugh out loud every time. People next to me never laugh.
Texlectric@reddit
(Holding 3 stone tablets) "I present to you God's fifteen comm...Oops (1 tablet falls and breaks) ten! commandments."
OldBob10@reddit
So, assuming Mel Brooks is right (and Mel Brooks is *always* right!) what are the last five commandments?
Informational_Tech@reddit
Floss between each meal, Drive with both hands on the wheel and on the first date don’t cop a feel.
BlackIceBob@reddit
And don’t feel a cop either!
LowerSlowerOlder@reddit
audiodude9@reddit
bdiscer@reddit
Farts may be loud. They may be silent. But there's always a turd option.
Hollywood-AK@reddit
locusthorse@reddit
15.5 Always carry a shitload of dimes.
All_Chaps_R_Assless@reddit
This should be Commandment #1 in the Mel Brooks Universe.
bigfootspancreas@reddit
I read 'clan' underwear at first 🤣
Gristle_1@reddit
MC_Hale@reddit
Don't tug on Superman's cape
Don't spit into the wind
Don't pull the mask off the old Lone Ranger
Don't mess around with Jim
NotTheBusDriver@reddit
It’s Slim you should be worried about.
OldBob10@reddit
His name is really Willy McCoy.
NotTheBusDriver@reddit
But back home…
EarlBeforeSwine@reddit
Only in the 3rd verse.
JackB39@reddit
Once you have their money, you NEVER give it back. Oh, wait, that's a Ferengi rule of acquisition.
Numerous_Release9273@reddit
The Show Must Go On really means Never Give Them Back Their Money No Matter What Happens.
revdon@reddit
The 15 Commandments is from Wholly, Moses.
UnfairAdvantage@reddit
This is one of my favorite scenes in all comedy haha.
Texlectric@reddit
Because its math, too!
uglinessman@reddit
The part that makes me laugh most about that scene is that he doesn't even say a big "oops", it's just a quiet little "oy", completely underselling it.
nkmetcalfe@reddit
Oy!
Baphomet1313666@reddit
There are so many great ones in that movie!
"The jig is up!"
"And gone!!!!"
Awkward_Pangolin3254@reddit
No, no, no, no, no, no, YES
DiejenEne@reddit
It's good to be the king!
dki9st@reddit
I still use this occasionally.
Duckbites@reddit
This is a great line.
The second best in the movie is Moses "these are the 15,..woah, woah...crash,..10 commandments"
gzuckier@reddit
"Seize him!"
"Seize this, honkus!"
dki9st@reddit
Never caught that one. Time for a re-watch!
DOOManiac@reddit
You’re in for a treat, because it’s Mel Brooks’s finest movie.
I_just_made@reddit
I loved this movie growing up, I’m going to have to rewatch it now!
It’s good to be the king!
AgitatedText@reddit
Let's face it, you can't torquemada anything!
bryan-garner@reddit
I love quick-time harch
bebackground471@reddit
https://youtu.be/n0quUM-Nr2c
Damien1972@reddit
One of the main lines from the Blues Brothers I can never get out of my head is when the waiter says "Wrong glass, sir" and Aykroyd just motions his head at him. So, not even really a line. Still cracks me up for some reason.
Damien1972@reddit
Wrong glass, sir
RitaPoole56@reddit
Marx Brothers movie when Groucho is dictating a letter to a law firm and starts with : Gentlemen, question mark
Opening-Restaurant83@reddit
When I worked at the VA in St. Louis out of college at night, I would look out to this giant neon sign with individual letters and it was a slaughterhouse.
It just said “Slaughter”.
A few months in the S. burned out and it just said “laughter.”
Every time I saw it, I would think to myself “boy the cows aren’t laughing.”
CreativestName69420@reddit
SpongeBob SquarePants, Season 1 Episode 17a, "Arrgh!"
Mr. Krabs: "Status report, SquarePants!"
SpongeBob: "The whole ship is underwater, captain!"
Mr. Krabs: "Argh. We're marooned then."
spgreg@reddit
This is no ordinary darkness, this is advanced darkness
Zuzublue@reddit
My favorite SpongeBob bit is when they’re driving a ghost ship and saying “You’re good, you’re good!” All the while scraping against every rock in the area.
PlaidKangaroo@reddit
This one gets quoted frequently around my house. Also the mattress store scene: SpongeBob: “How many do you think there are, Patrick?” Patrick, looking around VERY intently: “…….. Ten.” SpongeBob: “Wow, ten…”
There is a SpongeBob moment for EVERY situation. I’m 100% sure of this fact.
Fit_Organization9210@reddit
My husband always say when we go grocery shopping “best around…best in town?” Gotta see the Tattletale Strangler episode
Dangerous-Mouskowitz@reddit
Do you scream back, "Whichever one gets us out of here the fastest!"
Fit_Organization9210@reddit
Haha yes, thru clenched teeth and with smoke coming outta my ears
Dangerous-Mouskowitz@reddit
🤣 Sounds like you're perfect for each other!
PlaidKangaroo@reddit
Literally used that one like two days ago
catdude142@reddit
Brush, brush, brush. Brushing everywhere...
Preform_Perform@reddit
Oh, I just thought that was Spongebob being a dunce, but it's because the ship is indestructible.
Thanks for providing some clarity to the levity. Much better punchline than just "haha main character stupid"
sfgf27@reddit
lol. I get a chuckle when I think about the time it was suggested to SpongeBob to get a job and SpongeBob replied “a job? What’s a job?”
OlderITGuy@reddit
"Hello... No this is Patrick"
Pieclops89@reddit (OP)
🤣 that's great!
dreamyjeans@reddit
To continue the theme, I passed a beat up old mobile home out in the middle of nowhere Indiana. It had a hand painted sign out front that said, "It'll Grow Back Hair Salon". I was not brave enough to stop in to give them a try.
Own-Cupcake7586@reddit
[only works when spoken]
“Did you know that if you say ‘Pacific Ocean’ really fast it sounds like ‘pinecone’?”
“Ready?”
“PINECONE!”
GreenWeenie1965@reddit
Works best when you set it up! (Say slowly) "P a c i f i c O c e a n." (Say normally) "Pacific Ocean." (Say fast) "Pinecone."
evasandor@reddit
i don’t get it— is this like the interrupting cow? which speaker is supposed to say “ready”?
Own-Cupcake7586@reddit
All three lines are by the joke-teller.
neurodivergentgoat@reddit
this is amazing. adding it to the repertoire.
keestie@reddit
That is incredibly stupid and I love it.
Habsin7@reddit
You know what?
What?
Yeah - Watt - he invented the steam engine
(Maybe you need to be a mechanical engineer to appreciate?)
spgreg@reddit
Uranus is a gas giant
Mr_Gilmore_Jr@reddit
Bugs Bunny holding up a bottle of sleeping pills with a label that says "Take Deez and Doze"
KingNosmo@reddit
"There's a leek in the boat!"
Cloudy with a Chance of Meatballs
Also The Lee Kee shipyard
Revenge of the Pink Panther
No-Host8640@reddit
Scribbled on a condom machine with an arrow pointing to selection #1: "My daddy says these don't work"
wordaplaid@reddit
This gum tastes like rubber.
TheRealSqueeze@reddit
A stick of chewing gum
DugganSC@reddit
But it makes great bubbles!
gzuckier@reddit
And after I accidentally swallowed it I farted out a balloon
jeffroyisyourboy@reddit
These suppositories taste like shit
thankyouspider@reddit
Blow dryer figure: Extend hands, receive bacon
hogsucker@reddit
On a dispenser for paper toilet seat covers:
"Free Cowboy Hats"
subjectiveoddity@reddit
Scribbled on the grout in front of the urinal at my favorite restaurant...Why are you reading this, the joke's in your hand.
Awkward_Pangolin3254@reddit
"Don't beam me up, Scotty, I'm taking a shi" with the last "I" drawn up all the way to the top of the wall
CaptainZippi@reddit
“Buy two, and stay one jump ahead”
wordaplaid@reddit
For refund, insert baby into slot.
bigfootspancreas@reddit
'but please clean up the mess'
Mitsulher@reddit
Life's a garden ........ dig it! Joe Dirt
Fram_Framson@reddit
Most of the better ones have been mentioned, but every time I see "Press button, receive bacon", yeah, that still gets me to smile.
SilentRaindrops@reddit
On one of the recipe sites there is a recipe for ice. The comments to it are classic recipe tropes like, this reminds me of the ice my grandma used to make, it was kind of bland so I added some spices, I didn't have a freezer so I left it on the stove and it didn't solidify.
No_Dear1957@reddit
I'm going to open a topless hair salon and call it, A Little Off The Top.
SilentRaindrops@reddit
How about we partner up? I'll open a walk in circumcision business, A Little Off the Tip.
SilentRaindrops@reddit
The movie Click when Adam Sandler's character finds the "Beyond" section of a Bed Bath & Beyond store.
skadalajara@reddit
On Pickering Wharf in Salem, MA is a store named Bunghole Liquors.
Pieclops89@reddit (OP)
Thank you everyone that commented. I have been laughing for hours, and I hope y'all are too. I'm so happy we can all enjoy some humor together❤️
slbain@reddit
UHF: "Supplies!"
catdude142@reddit
Wheel of Fish!!!
slbain@reddit
There ya go... We don't need no stinking badgers!
catdude142@reddit
You get to drink from the FIRE HOSE!!!!!
slbain@reddit
Underappreciated movie, IMHO.
Zirnike@reddit
There's a song that always makes me laugh. It's "I love your tits" by the fools ... Which is weirdly sweet in some ways. But 2 lines:
In the refrain: thanks for the mammaries At the beginning: I love the way you think I love your mind.
Just movies, though? Most of the fifth element (Aziz, LIGHT!), but especially "look lady, I only speak 2 languages, English and bad English"
fuhnetically@reddit
GTA V, the sports brand is "Pro Laps". Dead.
lady_ass_appreciator@reddit
There are so many good ones GTAV. Gruppe Sechs lol
Old-Kernow@reddit
Pißwasser is brilliant.
salomesrevenge@reddit
sub standard sandwich chain
cloud1445@reddit
Best Simpson joke ever:
'Sneed's Feed & Seed (formerly Chuck's)'
BasketFair3378@reddit
we have a trash removal service called "bin there, dump that"
SMH_attheworld@reddit
Q: Why don't the two tampons speak to each other? A: They're both stuck up c**ts. .
Zelda_Zonk_2023@reddit
Other than that Mrs. Lincoln, how was the play? 😂
Significant_Drink570@reddit
In one of the Machete movies, Machete is asking his friend, a priest, to help him out: Priest: No sorry, I don't shoot anymore Machete: Yeah but you don't shoot any less either
ExtensionNo4468@reddit
Machete don’t text
Significant_Drink570@reddit
Oh man I forgot that one, such a brilliant line
dki9st@reddit
There's a Dilated Peoples song where he says "I ain't smoking no more, ain't smoking no less."
NintendoDestroyer89@reddit
I love the beginning when he's deciding to keep the revolver or the machete and chooses the machete.
Pieclops89@reddit (OP)
I don't think I have seen all of them, but that's funny!
Windowman84@reddit
Bleeding Gums Murphy
LackingUtility@reddit
I was running a D&D game and needed to generate a small town, so I used an online name generator to come up with a name for the tavern. It just had two random sets of words to pick from, and randomly selected… The Cock’s Jerkin.
I still giggle about it.
MarvinLazer@reddit
That's a great name for a tavern. There'd be a sign with a rooster wearing a sleeveless jacket.
LackingUtility@reddit
Proprietor: One-eyed Willy.
PeteGoua@reddit
Robin Williams stand up show = a truck driver on speed "Fuck it I am going to get these pineapples to Hawaii".
supacrispy@reddit
Play any fable game and pay attention to the details like shop names and item descriptions. There's tons of stuff like this
rsnook55@reddit
When I was a teenager in Portland Oregon they tore down the old Oriental movie theater. Before the demolition there was a sign announcing Public Auction which was quickly changed by removing the ‘L’ from Public and the ‘U’ from Auction. Stayed that way for months. Around the same time i visited my brother at OSU where they were getting ready for the annual “civil war game’ with U of O. The stadium sign said “Football- Oregon Ducks” until someone switched the D from ducks with the F from football. Again, same time (1969-1970), the light in the first part of the Winchells Donuts sign on Sandy Blvd burned out. It said Hells Donuts for years. I still get a laugh. I’m old. I take it where I can.
Mistral_078@reddit
Kinda stupid one, but I always laugh when I hear Johnny Depp say: Oh look, an undead monkey.
DrDrai45@reddit
Watched a clip of whose line is it anyways and he was being a reporter whose name was Oswald Thatendswald.
jrdebo@reddit
The "Tapioca" joke is probably my favorite joke from Whose Line.
Snuggleworthy@reddit
Colin Mochrie especially had some great punny names in the news sections
ItAmusesMe@reddit
Colin one liners Who's Line is it Anyways:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=u8AILJeugrs
purple-scorpio-rider@reddit
Did you hear the one about the pencil.......
Ah no point
ColoradoJimbo@reddit
Seinfeld, “not that there’s anything wrong with that..”
threeleggedcats@reddit
“I had an ex like that” is very funny in surprisingly many situations
Pieclops89@reddit (OP)
When someone says anything about themselves, just say "I can tell" to throw them off so hard. Them - "I don't use cream in my coffee" You - "I can tell..."
threeleggedcats@reddit
This is really good and I’m stealing it and won’t credit you each time I say it
MarcTheShark34@reddit
I use this one and “that was my nickname in high school/college” quite a bit. They’re both so adaptable
threeleggedcats@reddit
OMG I use this all the time too. “They used to call me that at school” is my take.
MarvinLazer@reddit
"Sounds like my ex-wife" used to be my go-to "that's what she said" replacement, but now I actually have an ex-wife so it just confuses people.
unclebaboon@reddit
I prefer the “that reminds me of my first wife” variant!
hawkinsst7@reddit
Or... Introduce your spouse as your first spouse. (assuming there's only the one).
ecnerwal1234@reddit
How do you reuse a condom? Turn it inside out and shake the fuck out of it.
CrispE_Rice@reddit
Best part is that’s a more effective form of birth control than the fresh condom. Just say that and there’s no chance of having sex again
Equivalent_Pickle103@reddit
A slight chance perhaps
MarvelleeBang@reddit
Truth!
Burstingintolife@reddit
This blonde chick can’t believe her eyes when she sees this blonde girl is sitting in a canoe rowing as hard as she can in the middle of the field of wheat screaming for help. The blonde from the car asked what’s wrong. The blonde in the canoe continues to say that she can’t get across and thinks it might be too windy. When the blonde on the side of the road yells back “you’re the reason blondes get a bad name, if I had a boat I’d row out there and kick your ass.
ExhibitApple@reddit
I thank you from the heart of my bottom.
Hawkeye, MASH
redzero@reddit
Frank. If I want any of your lip I'll rattle my zipper
WildesWay@reddit
Come immediately if convenient.
If not convenient, come anyway.
Burstingintolife@reddit
What did the potato chips say to the batteries?
If you’re Ever ready, I am Frito-Lay
jkhuggins@reddit
Old school, from "Support Your Local Sheriff":
themarko60@reddit
That movie does not get the respect it deserves!
bdiscer@reddit
He lies to me about whether my gun is loaded.
WildesWay@reddit
Need to see Dr Summerov to get a 3 month paid leave.
AnOldYoungGuy@reddit
Uncle Buck
Chanice: "I just want to hear the pitter-patter of little feet before I die!" Buck: "Then I'll get you a mouse and a piece of sheet metal!"
🤣
Henri_Dupont@reddit
Decades ago, some Shell stations had signs where each individual letter of their name was it's own sign.
One of those signs was on I-70 about halfway between St Louis and Kansas City.
A big windstorm came along, and damaged the sign. Only the "S" was missing.
So as you come over the hill and get your first glimpse of Columbia, Mo, there's a giant sign with big red letters that says "HELL".
sgol@reddit
In “UHF”, there’s a throwaway joke - a blind man and another guy are sitting on a park bench. The blind one has a Rubik’s cube in his hands. He makes a couple twists, then holds it out for his companion to see -
“Is this it?”
“…nope!”
twisttwist* “Is this it?”
“…nope!”
Fucking floored me the first time, and it still gets me.
Geebu555@reddit
Christmas vacation, Clark’s old dad. “If you need any help let me know. I’ll be upstairs asleep”
bdiscer@reddit
You wouldn't hear it if you drove a dump truck through a nitroglycerine factory.
Richardfitswelll@reddit
In “The Bad News Bears” the team is sponsored by Chico’s Bail Bonds.
A Little League team sponsored by a bail bond company hits me hard. Very funny.
c-a-james@reddit
Homer Simpson: “Quick! What’s the number for 9-1-1 ?”
Revolutionary-Run268@reddit
Homer: Is this 9-1-1?
Chief Wiggins: No, this is 9-1-(slight pause) 2
GIUKGap@reddit
Oil Change place near me "The Duke of Oil"
Lilliekins@reddit
My mother always pointed out the notices that said "VOID WHERE PROHIBITED".
("void" is another word for urinate.)
tigole@reddit
Well.. not exactly. Void is to make a space empty. So you could void a bladder by peeing. You could void your bowels by pooping. Etc..
Lilliekins@reddit
I'm a nurse. Void means to urinate.
NoRedditNamesAreLeft@reddit
That must be a regional thing
Pieclops89@reddit (OP)
"Piss in inappropriate places"? Don't mind if I do!
Head_Razzmatazz7174@reddit
Oh, that’s so subtle I missed it! Noice!
Burstingintolife@reddit
How do you spot Ronald Mc Donald at a nudist colony? He’s the one with sesame seeds on his buns.
atticus_pund77@reddit
The set up line is , “ I have to warn you . I have acute angina.”
Burstingintolife@reddit
What did the potato chips say to the batteries?
If you’re Eveready, I am Frito-Lay
dadamax@reddit
Take your wife and your dog and put them together in your trunk. Drive around the block a few times, then stop and open the trunk. Who is happy to see you?
crabman5962@reddit
It’s a small world, but I wouldn’t want to paint it. Stephen Wright
whiskeyslicker@reddit
“Hey guys! Big Gulps huh? Alright!…”
“Welp, see you later!”
BusyWorkinPete@reddit
Knock Knock
Who's there?
Cornin myp
rickleyland@reddit
Never knew you drank until I saw you sober …
machambo7@reddit
In Madagascar 2
“We should be up and running in six to nine months.”
“Sixty nine months?!?”
gzuckier@reddit
Man goes into a clock repair shop. "I need a battery" "For a clock?" "How would I know?"
MarvinLazer@reddit
I don't get it.
mcgoran2005@reddit
Four o’clock? For a clock.
Malalang@reddit
I have repeated variations of this ever since I saw that movie. For whatever reason, that joke really gets me laughing.
One other from the same franchise..
"We can't stop, we have no brakes!"
"No brakes?! Way to commit, soldier!
machambo7@reddit
Sam. I make that joke almost every time the opportunity comes up lol
thegreger@reddit
Curse of the were-rabbit:
Over the phone: "Don't worry, we will be there in an... AAAAUH"
In a posh accent: "An aaauh!? I can not wait for an aaauh!"
Belgrugni@reddit
Or the bit where Wallace ends up naked wearing nothing but a cardboard box, which has the message on it “warning, may contain nuts”.
bluisthewarmestchz@reddit
Curse of the Wererabbit goes so hard.
BeardedMass@reddit
Sounds like a case of arson,.... somebody arsen' around.
Reckless_Engineer@reddit
"Kissy arrrr....tichoke!"
stupendous76@reddit
Same movie: I'd like to pay.
But when you've seen the previous scene it means: I'd like [my] toupet [back]
They have so many of these little jokes, awesome.
Roonwogsamduff@reddit
Fam went to a restaurant and they told me 67 minutes for a table. We decided to wait and 6 minutes later had our table.
l2thak@reddit
Twice in legal minute!?
BillWilberforce@reddit
I actually had a mate, always drank l, life of the party..., Then he dried out for a few days, had a fit, ambulance, went cold turkey, and became a totally different guy.
Forensicista@reddit
This might be UK only one. Back in the day when Stephen Fry chaired Qi, he asked how often one should wash out one's teapot. After various guesses that triggered the wrong answer honker, he smugly announced that the correct answer is that one should never wash out one's teapot. Alan Davies: "Wot? Not even if someone's pissed in it?"
mcoombes314@reddit
Another QI one I enjoy immensely is when Stephen talks about his time in Salt Lake City (when doing his program on the USA) and he met some Mormons who would attempt to get people to convert. According to them they know that "when you die, you will be reunited with your whole family". And Stephen replied "but what happens if you're good?".
Forensicista@reddit
"I wish I had said that" "You will, Oscar, you will. "
VioletSea13@reddit
I used to live in Oklahoma in the 80’s and there was a dog grooming place called Doggie Styles. I shit you not.
KinkMountainMoney@reddit
The French film “The Closet” has a scene where a depressed French man is sitting at his breakfast table alone. His toast pops up and straight out the window. Cracks me up every time. It’s like a 20 second clip at that but every time.
duh_lil_Lion@reddit
"It's Mega Maid. She's gone from suck to blow."
GreenBrightHappy@reddit
The Kegelcizer in Futurama
drinkslinger1974@reddit
From the files of police squad:
“Can you describe the perp?”
“6’3”, mustache.”
“That’s a big mustache.”
Hello_IM_FBI@reddit
"Do you think you can beat the champ?"
"I can take him blindfolded."
"What if he's not blindfolded?"
Informal_Stress_9953@reddit
“Who are you? And how did you get in here?”
“I’m a locksmith… and I’m a locksmith.”
aslrules@reddit
What's the difference between a cat and a frog? A cat has nine lives but a frog croaks every day.
1marka@reddit
Years ago South of the Border had a series of billboards on I-95 with:
Pedros Weather Report - Chili Today Hot Tamali
themarko60@reddit
Chili today, hot tamale was one of my dad’s favorite sayings.
1marka@reddit
here is a pic of that old billboard
BillBumface@reddit
I visited Seattle and went to a Mariners baseball game. They had a Chinese food concession called “Intentional Wok”. Genius.
sjciske@reddit
Interviewer:Do you have any special skills?
Me:| can eat gluten
Interviewer:Whoa! When can you start?
——————————
INTERVIEWER AT VET: We're looking for a real cat person.
ME: slowly pushes paperwork off desk
INTERVIEWER: Holy shit!
MarvinLazer@reddit
I'm totally using that second one next time I get the opportunity.
mac94043@reddit
In the movie Runaway Bride the radio morning show is hosted by someone last name Fleming. The show is called Waking Up with Flem. I think about that all the time when my allergies are acting up and I’m waking up with phlegm.
babypho3nix@reddit
The hair salon in runaway bride is also called curl up and die, if I remember correctly
mac94043@reddit
Yes. I believe so.
bahgheera@reddit
In Never Been Kissed, there was a scene in the lunch room of a high school. The lunch lady slams a giant plastic bucket on the counter that's labeled "COLE SLAW FOOD". That was utterly hilarious to me and my wife, and we occasionally bellow it at each other for no reason 25 years later.
Also from that movie, "Merkin ain't jerking, he's working!"
Pieclops89@reddit (OP)
I haven't seen that one, but that is good. I believe I'm missing out, and that movie is on the watch list
Revo63@reddit
I’m sorry, what? I’m sorry to tell you, but your parents have failed if they didn’t make sure you saw that movie growing up.
Next thing, you’re going to tell us you haven’t seen Monty Python and the Holy Grail.
Revo63@reddit
I’m sorry, what? I’m sorry to tell you, but your parents have failed if they didn’t make sure you saw that movie growing up.
Next thing, you’re going to tell us you haven’t seen Monty Python and the Holy Grail.
Edit: Apparently my reading comprehension isn’t all there today. I read it as “The Princess Bride”, not Runaway.
Runaway Bride: not missing much.
zapfoe@reddit
Did you think he said "The Princess Bride"?
I don't think Runaway Bride with Julia Roberts and Richard Gere is a must watch.
Revo63@reddit
HAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!
Oops. Yes I wasn’t reading that very well.
EvaTheE@reddit
Husband's penis.
DancesWithElectrons@reddit
"I was gonna make espresso"
SpriggedParsley357@reddit
And apparently that was an ad-lib.
ZealousidealBat4238@reddit
“I … almost … had to wait.” “An …drew? I’m sitting!” Almost every line from Overboard is a replay laugh for my daughters and me.
ryancementhead@reddit
What do call a magician who lost his magic?
Ian
Dank62@reddit
On a little trip with some friends in the Sierra Nevada's, when we saw a Hawaiian license plate. One of the guys said "Huh. Hawaii.... Long drive." We were all silent for a couple seconds before we all just started laughing our asses off. Stupid joke, but it's my friend's dead pan and serious tone and timing that made it great. I still chuckle when I think about it.
ToLiveInIt@reddit
I have occasionally seen a U-Haul with an “America’s Moving Adventure: Honolulu” splash on the side driving in California. Always gives me a chuckle.
Pieclops89@reddit (OP)
That is great. Idk why it reminds me of "I just got back from Chernobyl, and boy are my arms legs!"
bungojot@reddit
I don't know why i laughed so hard at this.
I repeated it to my partner. They stared at me for a while and then left the room lol
Dank62@reddit
That's a great joke! I'm sure my sam friend group will love it
Embarrassed-Bench392@reddit
Reminds me of the line from Bitchin Camaro by the Dead Milkmen "Ah wow, how'd you get a car? Oh, my folks drove it up from the Bahamas."
Howard_Cosine@reddit
“El Nino. Spanish for…the nino.”
thelickintoad@reddit
Oh, man. We need the Nature Boy Ric Flair here quick.
onyxcaspian@reddit
Similar joke in Crank 2.
"El Huron is the ferret."
"You know him?"
"No, I'm saying El Huron is Spanish for the ferret."😅
Reverend_Chaos@reddit
Years ago in Chicago there were two channels that played cartoons after school, channel 9 and channel 32. The host on channel 32 was talking about el nino, and said "that's Spanish for channel 9"
bss60@reddit
Which was (is?) WGN, home of the Cubs
RedHal@reddit
What is the name of the Frenchman who invented open-toed sandals?
Phillipe Philloppe.
stmiba@reddit
Sneed's Feed & Seed
(formerly Chuck's)
-The Simpsons
stmiba@reddit
Sneed's Feed & Seed
pomcomic@reddit
The body outline on the water in Naked Gun always gets me. It's such a tiny, STUPID detail and it always cracks me up
kevinsju@reddit
He brushed up against a wall and a sign says "wet paint". He looks at his coat and it does have wet paint on it and he's truly disappointed. I love that scene
sharty_mcstoolpants@reddit
I say to people “I would have been here sooner but I was late.”
kevinsju@reddit
Permission to steal this?
docentmark@reddit
Where I live there’s a chain hair salons named Brainwash.
Fahrowshus@reddit
In The Orville, the 2nd in command Kelly is talking to the captain and Isaac, who is an artificial life form and an officer as well. His whole reason for being in their command is to learn about how living organisms function.
Kelly is trying to explain an idea or something, and says, "okay, this is going to sound like I'm talking out of my ass..." and Isaac immediately says, "Then please, try to annunciate."
Background_Job_6326@reddit
Man, The Orville was so great.
"Hi, I'm Captain Ed Mercer of the.." *gets door slammed in face* ".. Jehova's Witnesses."
PM_Me-Your_Freckles@reddit
In Bruges. There is a scene where old mate is beating the piss out of his phone, and the wife walks in and says "Harry. It's an inanimate fucking object." Which gets the reply "YOU'RE AN INANIMATE FUCKING OBJECT!"
It works so well in so many random ways. "You want some Thai green curry?" "You're a Thai green curry!"
Been using it nearly 20yrs and still makes me giggle.
Tigereyesxx@reddit
A man goes to an outdoor pool, and asks the maintenance guy, ‘ is it warm’ , the guy replies, ‘luke warm’, the man dives in, it’s friggin freezing!… the man jumps out and says to the guy, ‘ I thought you said its luke warm’, he replies, ‘ well it luked warm to me’…(he had a northern accent)..
Flahdagal@reddit
One of my favorite movies is Stalag 17, so when the Penguins of Madagascar had a running joke about Manfredi and Johnson, I chortled every time.
Ralph1248@reddit
In Madagascar when the lions are chasing the lemurs one lemur has a book entitled,"To Serve Lemur," and he yells, "It"s a cookbook!"
SchmittyBoss@reddit
HA HA! Dangly parts
So simple, so juvenile, but so damn funny.
NothingTooSeriousM8@reddit
In the weird al movie the "Supplies" closet.
HahaNoir2@reddit
For me, in that movie, it's the blind guy on the park bench trying to solve the Rubik's Cube, sitting next to a sighted person:
"Is this it?" "No." Is this it?" "No." Is this it?" ....
Fun-Owl9393@reddit
There's a YT channel of 3 Australian pranksters called Misfit Minds. One prank was at a chicken drive thrue asking a customer how she likes her chicken cooked. Rare, medium rare,...
Call me childish but it popped up in my mind the last couple of days and I giggle every time.
StAbcoude81@reddit
What red, sitting in the corner and getting smaller by the minute?
Baby with a cheese cuttwr
Burstingintolife@reddit
A rope walks into a bar & orders a beer, The bartender points to the sign on the wall that says “No Ropes Allowed” and tells him “we don’t serve your kind around here & you need to leave”. The rope leaves without causing a scene but gets an idea. He ties himself into a knot, teases a few strings on his head, returns to the bar & orders a beer. Bartender asks: “Say, aren’t you the rope I just told to get lost? The rope responds: Nope, I’m a frayed knot”
PhilG1903@reddit
A grasshopper walks into a bar. The bartender looks up, surprised, and says, "Hey! We’ve got a drink named after you!" The grasshopper replied "you have a drink called Kevin? '
aifo@reddit
There's a shop in Dublin called Cheeses Of Nazareth.
mcoombes314@reddit
Do they sell cheese with lots of holes in?
ringoryu@reddit
There's another one in Dublin called Knobs and Knockers that sells door knobs and door knockers. They even sell branded t-shirts.
cedg32@reddit
Two stores I saw in Australia:
Pieclops89@reddit (OP)
That's very good🤣
OldPhotograph827@reddit
So is their cheese. One might even say heavenly.
filipv@reddit
"Well, we'd have to be talkin' about one charming motherfucking pig"
GinoValenti@reddit
Simpsons had a gun store called “Bloodbath and Beyond”
bahgheera@reddit
That's also the name of a Machine Head song lol.
Peteat6@reddit
Infamy! Still one if the best lines.
lordoflotsofocelots@reddit
"What kind of music do you usually have here?"
"Oh, we have both kinds, country AND western."
nedtit@reddit
One of the greatest small joke and it’s easy to miss is in Life of Brian. Brian: „Your are all individuals“ Crowd: „We are all individuals“ „I‘m not“
CornerCases@reddit
From the Red Green show: `Kitty’s Saloon and Brothel – “Liquor in the front, poker in the rear!”‘
sruecker01@reddit
I think quite often of the sketch: “now is the winter of our discount tent.”
motTheHooper@reddit
If the women don't find you handsome, they should at least find you handy.
overkill@reddit
This is my mantra.
North-Research-3981@reddit
Honestly I think of that show every time I do anything with duct tape
anyponyelse@reddit
The tire replacement skit especially comes to mind
Numerous_Release9273@reddit
Doesn't sound like Red Green show. They weren't into off color jokes.
jomabu23@reddit
For the most part, yes. But every so often I was amazed at what they got away with, especially as throwaway gags right after "I'll be coming straight home after the meeting"...
Razzler1973@reddit
I've heard that before but never knew it was from a film
Banslair@reddit
Remember we're all on this together
Dayngerman@reddit
“I’m a man, but I can change, if I have to, I guess”
Attention_WhoreH3@reddit
Three from “The Naked Gun”:
“Nice beaver”
“Thanks. I just had it stuffed”
—————————
the scene with the shoeshine guy where eventually the shoeshine guy bribes Frank
—————————-
when Frank arrives at the harbour after the injury to Northberg. There’s a silhouette on the water.
RASSofNegative5@reddit
In Plains, Trains, and Automobiles Steve Martin asks “What do think the temperature is?” John Candy replies “One.” Who the heck says one?
Vera_Telco@reddit
Same film, but for me it's this exchange, when the two gents are waking the next morn:
Neal: "Where's your other hand?"
Del: "Between two pillows".
Neal: "Those aren't pillows!"
west_head_@reddit
In the film Sideways when Miles is tasting some wine, "Tighter than a nun's asshole, good concentration."
Jibber_Fight@reddit
“What’s the matter Harry? Some little philly break your heart?”
“No. It was a girl.”
Rabbitzan12@reddit
How do you tame a unique dragon?
U nique up on it.
Stu-ka@reddit
Judas: hey Jesus you coming to the last supper later on? Jesus: the what now? Judas: supper, the supper
Inner_Acanthaceae@reddit
"Hey, guys. Whoa, Big Gulps, huh? Alright! ...Well, see ya later!"
kwjordy@reddit
Years ago, but still makes me laugh till I cry. Martin Short was on Letterman and told (something like) this:
A big Hollywood star hated doing love scenes with another big actress and refused to work with her. Why? asked Letterman. Short did some goofy voice and said: Her breath smelled like Kay Ballard’s couch.
Cerborus@reddit
My new girlfriend is 4 foot 11 hotty. (Lucky me). I was telling a female friend of mine about her and mentioned her height, she goes is that the shortest woman you've ever dated? And I replied without thinking - yes it's a new low! Still laugh thinking about it.
Do_not_use_after@reddit
.... And don't call me Shirley.
M4gs314@reddit
Idiocracy...
Joe: "I don't talk like that."
Frito: "i DoN't TaLk LiKe ThAt..."
Secret Service Guy: "Shit, I thought there was two of ya."
elucify@reddit
Yeah! All RIGHT! YEAH!
That's YOUR CAR!
elucify@reddit
Does your dog bite?
No.
Nice doggy. (RAWR! Snap!)
I thought you said your dog does not bite!
That is not my dog.
https://www.youtube.com/shorts/lLR-V2S0DC8
pineysathome@reddit
Some of the exchanges in BASEketball live in my head rent free Squeak moves into the BASEketball house
jonisykes@reddit
What do you call a man with no ankles?
Tony!
WestHistorians@reddit
"You can lead a horse to water, but a pencil must be lead."
"Call me a cab." "You're a cab."
"We haven't eaten for three days." "Yeah, yesterday, today and tomorrow."
"If you must make a noise, make it quietly."
"I'm not as dumb as you look."
dicksonyuli7839@reddit
Do you want the short answer or the long answer?
Short Answer: No! Long Answer: Nope!
Rick and Morty
ChapterRaven@reddit
Not really a joke but when my husband and I were first together he lived just down the road from a butchers, and the awning on the butchers read “house of the champion sausage,” which I saw every single time I was going to my boyfriends’ house…it always gave me a chuckle.
flatoutsask@reddit
So you were with your husband but saw the sausage sign on the way to the boyfriend’s? …. Interesting….!
ChapterRaven@reddit
It was when we were first together, so he was my boyfriend…
Hollywood-AK@reddit
I propose a toast, to our wives and sweethearts, may they never meet!
MyRideAway@reddit
Sign--- Nobody Beats Tom's Meat
keestie@reddit
Do your husband and boyfriend get along? I find that it can be challenging to get them working together.
Slartibartfast39@reddit
Firefly, or probably the Serenity film.
Mal: If I'm not back in an hour you take this ship...and you come rescue me.
Zoe: And risk my ship?
hockeyschtick@reddit
Tommy Boy: “Richard, do I have a bruise? It really hurts. Not so much here… or here… but right here.”
Egwene_aes_Sedai@reddit
See, Richard?!
tzoid1s@reddit
We ain’t found shit!
Egwene_aes_Sedai@reddit
Spaceballs?
WhatsHisNameHuh@reddit
My college roommate Philip Guest's father was an accountant whose partner was a Mr. Wright.
So their accounting firm was "Guest - Wright".
Egwene_aes_Sedai@reddit
A lot of girls would be glad to find Mr. Wright.
Swish007@reddit
you know the thing about blind prostitutes.. you really gotta hand it to them
stereoroid@reddit
“Are you online? Well, get off, there’s a train coming!” - Billy Connolly trying to make sense of the internet.
albertkoholic@reddit
Did you hear the one about the cookie? Can’t tell you. It’s too crummy. Always gets a chuckle
-YouAreTheBest-@reddit
Why do you never go hungry at the beach? Cause of the sand which is there
heyguesswhereisme@reddit
Kid: I got a surprise test today Dad: and? How did it go? Kid: I was really surprised
tjv2103@reddit
My mom called me the other night, in the middle of sex.
She said, "Tom! I'm in the middle of sex!"
TomReneth@reddit
Tw@
Internet cafe in GTA 4.
Feisty-Height897@reddit
In South Africa we have tyre company called "Tiger wheel and tyre." on their adverts it's TW&T
Ctl-Alt-Del@reddit
Caddyshack - "Ahoy, polloi. What did you just come from, a Scotch ad?"
Coalfacebro@reddit
My favourite is part of a whole scene of small jokes. I saw others have already mentioned Monty Pythons Goly Grail. “Help! Help! I’m being oppressed!”. I use it anytime a colleague tries to make me do a task I don’t want to do.
almighty_crj@reddit
There was a UK advert that chained such titles, including that one: https://youtu.be/Fm3nctPDJ4c?si=wNomgLyh8fkPcaJh
GernBijou@reddit
From Firefly:
Zoe: "Preacher, doesn't the Bible have some pretty specific things to say about killin'?
Shepard Book: "Quite specific. It is, however, somewhat fuzzier on the subject of kneecaps".
Old_Fart_on_pogie@reddit
Not really a joke, but in chinatown (Toronto) there was a funeral home called Wing-on funeral home. Always gives me a giggle to think of the sign.
screenprince@reddit
The Pink Panther "I thought you said your dog doesn't bite? " "That is not my dog."
jamesyGB@reddit
Kato and the inspector. When he comes back from shopping tap dancing on the rice grains falling out of the brown paper bag! Before entering his apartment for an all-time classic Kato welcome!
Tintoverde@reddit
“Same thing we do every night, Pinky … “ pinky & the brain
The Count in Sesame Street counts
“OHIOOO” — Anemaniacs 0
MyHamburgerLovesMe@reddit
Airplane:
I take my coffee black... like my men.
D0lli23@reddit
Flight Attendant: How do you like your coffee?
Guy: Like I like my women.
Flight Attendant: Oh the coffee is free, dear. You don't have to pay ...
SESHPERANKH@reddit
Second, Men In Black.
Patrick Warburton, played Agent T, the new partner of Agent J. I found this incredibly funny. Patrick Warburton, was the first live-action Tick.
User95409@reddit
No movie reference here, an Irish comedian can’t remember his name. When I was young my brother listened to him.
Murphy and his friend were walking down the road and Murphy fell into a hole. His friend leaned over and said “Murphy, is it dark down there?”. Murohy said “I don’t know, I can’t see a ting”
In an Irish accent it’s funnier
Narodeez@reddit
“The Bob Loblaw Law Blog" - Arrested Development
LetAgreeable147@reddit
Every hairdresser used to have a great pun in its name:
Hair Supply Scissortrix Curl Up and Dye Beyond the Fringe
To name a few.
LordLizardWizard@reddit
Barely know her
wmcc1983@reddit
Whilst recovering from a sickness with a fever, I had a roommate at the time (about 15 years ago) who wandered into the living room where I was lying miserably on the couch. He said "How do you feel?" and walks up to me and feels my cheeks and forehead as if checking my temperature and he just affirmatively says "Yep.....
....still fat......"
Even in my misery, I cracked up until I coughed.
bippityboppityboing@reddit
Hot Shots:
“I’ve fallen for you like a blind roofer.”
divide_by_hero@reddit
"Nice legs"
"Thanks, I just had them lengthened. Now they go all the way up"
youalreadyare@reddit
These are for the noise sir
Ah gulp hope they do the trick
The1joriss@reddit
Walk Hard: “Dewey I pay you to mop the floor not to bother the band! My customers come in here to dance eroticly and they need a clean floor to do it on!!”
Feisty-Aspect6514@reddit
There is a nail salon in Portland called The Finger Bang. My favorite movie funny(to me) was in The Very Brady Sequel when Alice uses Tim Matheson’s character’s mushrooms from his suitcase in the dinner marinara. When he realizes, he says, “Oh no, I’m tripping with the Bradys!” A whole psychedelic animated cartoon plays. I was almost breathless from laughing so hard. Maybe you had to be there, the 70’s, I mean!!
TheDankRefrigerator@reddit
Bo Burnham’s song “What’s Funny” has a joke at the beginning that gets me every time.
“My ex-girlfriend had a really weird fetish. She used to like to dress up as herself and then act like a fucking bitch all the time.”
wmcc1983@reddit
In the same vein of that joke, I always liked the Anthony Jeselnik bit where he said "I spent all last year looking for my girlfriend's killer.....but no one will do it....."
HiRedditItsMeDad@reddit
I really like the new math song. With "The opposite of ln(x) is Duraflame, the unnatural log" and "Sex is like fractions: it's improper when the bigger one's on top."
NinjatheClick@reddit
What do you call a kid with no arms and an eye patch?
Names!
Evening_Weight_8353@reddit
“They said you was hung!” “And they was right!”
MundaneHuckleberry58@reddit
Came here to chew gum & kick some ass. And I’m all out of gum.
DrLycFerno@reddit
Came here to kick gum and chew ass, and I'm all out of ass
Evening_Weight_8353@reddit
Came here to kick and chew, and I’m all out of ass and gum.
AlucardDr@reddit
Keeping to the movie theme.. in Wayne's World they frequent Stan Mikita Donuts.
Stan Mikita played hockey for the Chicago (where Wayne's World is set) Blackhawks.
Tim Horton played hockey for the Toronto (Where Mike Myers was born) Maple Leafs.
In the movie, Stan Mikita has a cameo as a customer in the donut shop.
"Welcome to Stan Mikita’s Donuts. Open 24 hours a day. Excellent munchables. Excellent sugar pucks."
Dayngerman@reddit
Wayne’s world is the best movie ever made.
“In French she would be called la renard and hunted with only her cunning to protect her”
bungojot@reddit
"She makes me feel kinda funny. Like when we used to climb the rope in gym class."
TheJackalsDay@reddit
"Did you ever find Bugs Bunny attractive when he put on a dress and played a girl bunny?"
wmcc1983@reddit
"Marriage is punishment for shoplifting in some countries"
Pieclops89@reddit (OP)
This one has always gone over my head, thank you! I was just thinking about watching it again too!
Howwasthatdoneagain@reddit
Indian Restaurant - Get It India
HiRedditItsMeDad@reddit
"Knock knock"
Who's there?
"I'm a pileup"
americanoperdido@reddit
From Revenge of the Nerds:
One asks, "¿Hablo Inglés?" to the Latina hotel receptionist. She replies, "Yes, you speak English."
And one I quote as frequently as possible from Naked Gun 2 1/2:
"..she wrote the book on sexual dysfunction, you've probably read it."
Creed31191@reddit
Any time someone mentions Uranus.
HiRedditItsMeDad@reddit
My favorite Blues Brother line is when they ask the proprietor of the cowboy bar what kind of music they normally have and he says, "We have both kinds. Country AND western." I think of it all the time when I'm driving down the interstate and every station is twangy.
AbbreviationsSea8762@reddit
Homer Simpson singing "I am so smart ... I am so smart. S M R T "
tamtrible@reddit
Probably my favorite slightly dumb joke is: two guys walked into a bar. You would have thought the second one would have seen it coming.
Birdapotamus@reddit
In Office Space, after the computer scam goes wrong, Peter and Lawrence are talking through the wall. Peter ask Lawrence to come over and you can barely hear Lawrence reply,"Nah bro, I don't want you f'ing up my life too."
pseudosmurf@reddit
In Ted Lasso, Rebecca says to Ted something like, “I just got off the phone with the owner of The Sun”. Ted replies, “you talked to God??!”. So funny to me
Moxiousone@reddit
Ghostbusters elevator scene where they switch on Ray's proton pack for the first time after establishing it contains unlicensed nuclear accelerator. The way the other two back away inside the elevator like it would make any difference always cracks me up
MidtownMaven54@reddit
The Simpsons at an airline counter. Poster for Air India says "We treat you like cattle". Maybe a bit racist, but they made it up not me....
TheBeardedLadyBton@reddit
Bullwinkle cartoon (from the 60’s) had a lion tamer named “Claude Badley”.
White_Falcon_1263@reddit
"Wilma, I promise you, whatever scum did this... not one man on this force will rest for one minute until he's behind bars... now let's grab some lunch. naked Gun 🤣🤣 I use this all the time.
White_Falcon_1263@reddit
That’s the red light district. I wonder what he’s doing there.” “Sex, Frank?” “Uhhh not right now, Ed. We got work to do.” - Naked Gun
donsmythe@reddit
In Gremlins II, the genetics lab that starts all the chaos is called "Splice O' Life - Designer Genes".
Boogzcorp@reddit
The Simpsons
Sneed's Feed and Seed
*Formally Chuck's
forgottenGost@reddit
"Phteven" with the funky faced dog
dicecat4@reddit
Cheesus Crust
DueWeb8338@reddit
There was a hair shop called "curl up and dye" in Fergus Falls, MN. There was a deer, ran through the window, and did just that after he made it out.. Many damages I still chuckle to this day
Awkward_Pangolin3254@reddit
Sneed's Feed & Seed (Formerly Chuck's)
DarDarBinks89@reddit
Any time my husband and I drive past a donair shop that’s advertising felafel one of us always asks, “felafel?” While the other responds with, “no I feel great, why do you ask?”
It cracks us up every damn time
drebinf@reddit
My previous girlfriend & I would have a blast with that sort of thing, much like you & your husband. My next girlfriend/now wife would just roll her eyes and not participate in the idiocy. But wife does have the advantage of keeping her pants on while I'm away, so give and take... (we've been together 50 years, we're good!)
Pieclops89@reddit (OP)
It's perfect! And makes me want some!
jomabu23@reddit
I finally confirmed that my girlfriend is really a ghost. I had my suspicions the moment she walked through the door...
reesemccracken@reddit
What’s brown and sticky?
TheBentPianist@reddit
Had a classmate at design school (computer graphics and design) and we were tasked with making a newspaper advert. He submitted an ad for 'Big Dick's Halfway Inn'. Our tutor was none the wiser.
ishook@reddit
Big Gulps, huh?
catdude142@reddit
Wherever you go, that's where you are . How can I miss you when you won't go away?
jomabu23@reddit
Mad props for Firesign Theater reference!
Heckler: Eat it! Eat it raw!
Principal: Raw! Raw! Raw! That's the spirit!
shit_fuck_fart@reddit
I will never get tired of Sideshow Bob stepping on rakes:
If you don't know.
I'm an easy laugh though, i love simple gags. Throw in some people slipping on banana peels or sitting on whoopee cushions and I'm in heaven.
tlbs101@reddit
Wasn’t there an episode where he stepped on a whole field of rakes one by one?
shit_fuck_fart@reddit
If it wasn't the clip that I posted, I'm not sure.
tlbs101@reddit
I just watched the clip. That is probably what I am thinking of. 😂
shit_fuck_fart@reddit
I don't know how to type it but that sound he makes, "yee hahahah ooor" every time he steps on a rake makes me crack up.
sbulin74@reddit
Ma! Kitty's being a dildo!!
Well, I know a certain kitty kitty who's sleeping with Mommy tonight!
tzoid1s@reddit
The radar appears to be jammed!
RASPBERRY!
swampopawaho@reddit
Someone offers me food that I don't Iike or want: "no thanks, I have to drive"
Most people are confused, many laugh.
SirDisso@reddit
“Will you accept a collect call from - ‘WehadAbaby Eetzaboy’!!” Lives that commercial.
substandardpoodle@reddit
My favorite hilarious commercial was the budget Rent-A-Car aromatherapy candles one:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Fz1jh481vZA
Acceptable_Boss_7468@reddit
Pools are perfect for holding water man. "Hot Rod"
royishere@reddit
"I can see you bending over a hot stove...but I can't see the stove."
-Groucho Marx
AdMysterious1190@reddit
“Last night I came downstairs and found a bear in my pyjamas. How he got in my pyjamas, I’ll never know”.
RandomName39483@reddit
“Hold me closer, closer!”
“If I hold you any closer, I'll be in back of you!"
Hello_IM_FBI@reddit
"He's right. You've gotta take up the tax before you can take up the carpet."
Duckbites@reddit
"do you see that man over there eating spaghetti?"
No.
"Well do you see the spaghetti?"
tylex67@reddit
"This is a viaduct leading over to the mainland," "Why a duck? Why-a-no-chicken?".
StarFaerie@reddit
Surely you're not serious.
I am serious, and don't call me Shirley!
From Airplane!
Reckless_Engineer@reddit
"Nervous?"
"Yeah"
"First time?"
"No, I've been nervous lots of times"
Pieclops89@reddit (OP)
I said this last night!
EazyBeekeeper@reddit
Cheeze Its!
-David Blaine Street Magic
Vindicationnnnnn@reddit
Amanda Hugginkiss
Noremac135@reddit
I've got a good pizza joke, but it's petty cheesy
Wild_Form7621@reddit
It ain't easy, being cheesy
Scrapper-Mom@reddit
Do you two know each other?
Yeah, she's my fiancee
Well that would certainly explain the hostility
Infinite_Ad7743@reddit
Not a joke so much a throwaway line, but it's a comment from Butters on South Park and it gets me every time.
substandardpoodle@reddit
IIRC - Groucho Marx announcing the next stage act: “…and now ‘My Love Lies Sleeping’ with an all male chorus.”
Gregshead@reddit
Literally watching that movie on BBC America right now!
dubwisened@reddit
The Wolf in Pulp Fiction: "It's about thirty minutes away. I'll be there in ten."
EazyBeekeeper@reddit
While the Wolf is en route, I laugh hysterically when Vincent says, "Well, you watched me wash 'em."
I watched you get them wet!
GrumpyCatStevens@reddit
Nine minutes thirty-seven seconds later...
TheJackalsDay@reddit
The Wolf has them clean the car just enough to pass inspection in case there's a traffic stop.
Then immediately tells them to keep up with him because he drives really fucking fast.
GrumpyCatStevens@reddit
"Why?"
"Because it's fun."
No-Writer3446@reddit
Blazing Saddles “A laurel, and hearty (Hardy) welcome”
Significant_Role4308@reddit
I've seen that soooooo many times but never got that reference. Thank you!!!!!
AdMysterious1190@reddit
There’s also a hair salon in “Earth Girls Are Easy” called “Curl Up And Dye”. My mate and I once had an argument about which movie the salon was actually in. Turns out we were both right. 😜
Saelethil@reddit
I once almost ruined my CT scan because I was supposed to be holding still and I was suddenly reminded of a line from Archer.
Cyril: “Weirder than the guy trying to make some kind of ejaculation ray?”
Lana: No! It’s a pants.. shitting.. ray..
Something about Lana’s delivery has me cackling every time. The way she realizes as she’s speaking that this isn’t a better thing and it’s a really bad counter argument to what is going on.
Odd_Plane_5377@reddit
The episode where they all want a raise and Mallory says no union and you just hear Krieger in the background going "Confederacy Forever!" Always cracks me up.
Saelethil@reddit
It wasn’t until like my 5th time watching it that I caught that! And now it makes me cackle every time.
Pieclops89@reddit (OP)
That is such a good show! Now I'm gonna have to try not to think about that next CT scan😅
KnightThyme@reddit
In Cars, when McQueen is doing his promotion for the Rust-eze brothers. McQueen says "Racecars don't need headlights because the track is always lit." Dusty replies "So's my brother but he still needs headlights!"
tlbs101@reddit
Speaking of the Blues Brothers movie… One little joke that gets me every time is when Jake is complaining to Elwood about the cop car bluesmobile. He lights a cigarette and tosses the lighter out the window. Elwood goes on to convince Jake that the is car is acceptable, then Jake says “fix the cigarette lighter”.
Zesty-Pajamas@reddit
Ghostbusters got me out the gate with "Shh, listen! Do you smell something?"
Mysterious-Tie7039@reddit
Blazing Saddles:
Governor says “it’s 1860 (whatever date), you can sue her!”
The backstory is Heady Lamar sued the studio for using our name “That’s Headly…”
Mel Brooks got them to pay her to use it and threw that line in the movie as a direct shot at her.
FairyGodmothersUnion@reddit
1874,
Representative_Fun15@reddit
The Wizard of Oz
Tin Man: (inarticulate whine)
Dorothy: "he said oil can"
Scarecrow: "oil can what?"
Gets me every time.
FairyGodmothersUnion@reddit
“Oil can who?”
nephelodusa@reddit
Man asks pet store owner “do you have any chameleons?” Pet store owner *looks around nervously “I have no idea…”
Had to stop myself from waking up the baby while typing it. It’s the stupidest joke but it makes me so happy.
therealpopkiller@reddit
A steak pun is a rare medium well done.
Odd_Plane_5377@reddit
A fugitive little person fortune teller is a small medium at large.
DeadDeaderDeadest@reddit
Whenever someone asks me: “What are you talking about?” I hit them with the Little Nicky “I’m talking about an 8 piece, let’s go.” I giggle every time
BrainBleachSpritzer@reddit
Spaceballs (clip): 'What's the matter Colonel Sanders? Chicken?'
Why_so_glum_chum@reddit
Hotel Coral Essex.
GNU_STP@reddit
Revenge of the nerds 2
RacerX-56@reddit
I can see you now bending over a hot stove, but I can’t see the stove!
phunphan@reddit
What’s brown and sticky?
A stick. 🤣
GNU_STP@reddit
What's red, brown and sticky?
The same bloody stick.
bizzycarl@reddit
“Jake! They said you was hung!”
“And they was right.”
Blazing Saddles
MaximumTurtleSpeed@reddit
Man, I wish my dad was still alive so I could share this with him. I grew up watching Blues Brothers with him, he’d have loved this funny detail.
hilarymeggin@reddit
Knock knock.
Who’s there?
Europe.
Europe who?
No, YOU’RE a poo!
😊
a_small_thing@reddit
Who's on first. My kids didn't get the reference so we watched the original skit together. It's hilarious and absolutely stands the test of time.
GNU_STP@reddit
The animaniacs cartoon (I think it was that one) did a version of that featuring Woodstock music festival. The Who's on stage. The Band? etc
RedLeo7@reddit
In the recent blockbuster bollywood movie Dhurandar, there is a tea shop in pakistan with the name
"Washma Butt"
SkylarkLanding@reddit
I work at a place that prints sports apparel. We have a design named “distressed basketball”. The actual design features a basketball but is printed with a filter to make it look weathered/vintage. But every time I see the design name I picture a cartoon basketball with a face going “AAAAAAAAAH!” because it’s in distress.
WarderWannabe@reddit
Ben Dover and The Screamers as a band name.
catdude142@reddit
You haven't heard Chuck Wagon and the Wheels.
One of their songs is "My girl passed out in her food".....
"My girl passed out in her dinner, she got more on her than in her".
Fearchar@reddit
My friend was in a band called Uncle Fungus in the '70s, and one of the members used the name Ben Dover!
MadameOvaryyy@reddit
In Office Space, a couple of the characters live at an apartment complex called Morning Wood.
BrilliantSpray9447@reddit
In the Simpsons, there was an insane asylum called Morningwood Penitentiary.
Adventurous_Board_40@reddit
I like the hotel in the Simpsons called the Sleep-eazy and some of the letter lights are burnt out so it looks like it says sleazy 🤣
BleachedGrain26@reddit
And the signs at the convention center: "Hall A: Candy Convention" "Hall B: Candy-shaped Rat Poison Convention"
MrSloane@reddit
Revenge of the nerds-Hotel Coral Essex became Hot oral sex
JHEverdene@reddit
Morningwood Academy in Family Guy
checker280@reddit
In the comic book Love and Rockets, there’s a ditzy blonde named Penny Century. Many years later it’s revealed she spent time in the big house - the penitentiary
Revo63@reddit
How have I not seen that sign?
rdcpro@reddit
Holy shit I've seen that movie so many times, and never noticed that!
seenhear@reddit
I actually never noticed that, after dozens of viewings! Will have to re-watch soon.
ThedarknessofMan@reddit
I woke up with a spider in my bed.....man I must have been drunk last night!
I think it is funny but not many others do.
Snushine@reddit
I have a friend named Charlotte who has the nickname Spider. I swear she must have heard this by now. But just in case, I must send it to her.
Striking_Ad7541@reddit
That’s awesome.
yyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyup@reddit
How do you catch a unique rabbit? You “neek” up on it.
How do you catch a tame rabbit? Tame way, you neek up on it.
notyouraveragekedra@reddit
There was a Mr Sketch Scented marker commercial where a blueberry drops and lets out what I can only imagine is a blueberry scented fart. Cracked me up every time I saw it.
fortunesmith@reddit
Mr. Pickles Fun Time Abortion Clinic - We’ll bring out the kid in you!
catdude142@reddit
Nurse! Prepare the coathanger!
Margo_Tenenbaum@reddit
“I was sober for 11 years”
“What happened?”
“I turned 12”
cema_seven@reddit
What's the difference between snowmen and snowwomen? . . . Snow balls
anonymous457771@reddit
Dumb and Dumber: Ooooh you made me mad I almost like it
firesnake412@reddit
Have you heard the story of 3 wells?
Well well well!
hawkinsst7@reddit
I've got two.
Terminator 2.
John connor: "cops are here."
Sarah: "how many?"
John: "all of them, I think."
And then, from Three Amigos:
Allokit@reddit
Bob Lobb Law, attorney for hire.
cassimiro04@reddit
"It's a jelly" Strange Brew
wise_ogre@reddit
The "Liefeld's Just Feet" storefront in Deadpool vs Wolverine.
JeUlrichej@reddit
The Japanese lawyer SoSueMe!!!
Top_Helicopter_6027@reddit
Our bicycle seat tester Mya Serts
david9696@reddit
Pizza the Hutt in Space Balls
MrJ_the_LMT@reddit
My favorite joke that ALWAYS makes me laugh is any play on the Asian stereotype not being able to say "L." In the Simpsons, they are walking through Chinatown and they pass a Toys L Us. I laughed for a solid 5 minutes.
LexChase@reddit
There’s a spot in Sydney that has a Jenny Craig weight loss clinic sharing a building with a structural engineer.
Also a Thai restaurant I loved was called Thai Me Kangaroo Down, Sport.
joseph_bellow@reddit
Curly once said "I was tryna think but nothing happened!"
Educational-Bit-145@reddit
“It started … with a meeting at the school to discuss the misprinted calendars” Homer: “Lousy Smarch weather”
shit_ass_mcfucknuts@reddit
A pirate walks into a bar and he has an old ship's steering wheel in the front of his pants.
The bartender says "Hey you know that you have a steering wheel on the front of your pants"
The pirate says "Arr, I know, it be driving me nuts!"
supercereality@reddit
Grasshopper walks into a bar. Bartender says, "Hey we've got a drink named after you!" Grasshopper says, "...you have a drink named Steve?"
Cowboywizzard@reddit
A man walks into a psychiatrist’s office wearing nothing but saran wrap. The psychiatrist says “I can clearly see your nuts.”
BethyW@reddit
There is a commercial from the 90s where the Pillsbury doughboy laughs so hard he poops himself and it's little Croissants. I become uncontrollably hysterical when ever I see it.
supercereality@reddit
What do you see when the Pillsbury Doughboy bends over? Donuts.
Pieclops89@reddit (OP)
Like Little Nicky when he bursts into spiders!
Raddish_Crunch@reddit
Sprunt - the feminine deodorant spray. ~ George Carlin
Beelzebubbbbles@reddit
That John Denver's full of shit.
cosmorocker13@reddit
Disco pants and hair cuts!
Duckbites@reddit
Lots of space in this mall
Informal-Ad-4281@reddit
"No, Stanley, I said a car robbery, not a corroboree."
https://youtu.be/fF2F1Hxhst0?si=7mQ8PhapWw9ee58J
From Black Comedy. I love that series, so many of the skits make me laugh when i rewatch it.
biffbobfred@reddit
They’re brutal and sadistic killers!
Well so are the Frog Brothers!!!
(Lost boys)
tarelben@reddit
What do rednecks like to do on Halloween? Pumpkin
kenster77@reddit
I heard there’s a motel that’s a front for prostitution - the All the Way Inn
cornbruiser@reddit
Always gets me: https://i.pinimg.com/736x/a4/e0/72/a4e072cd94e16ecbdc2a692f2bb22dea.jpg
BeeTwoThousand@reddit
A few from Three Amigos...the exchange about the plethora of piñatas gets me every time. That and this one:
We raped the horses!
And we rode off on the women!
And we pruned the hedges of many small villages.
WhatMeWorry@reddit
Time flies like an arrow… Fruit flies like a banana.
BardicLasher@reddit
Cinderella, Live action remake. Fairy Godmmother makes the carriage, then turns animals into horses, coachmen, groom. The coachman looks himself over and immediately says "I can't drive! I'm a goose."
burn469@reddit
There’s a curl up and dye in Denton tx
nreed78@reddit
"I am serious and don't call me Shirley."
Still gets me!
wiscplatypus@reddit
We have a caterer named “Serves You Right”. In a town to our south is a liquor store called, “Pour Decisions.”
Duckbites@reddit
Lettuce entertain you is a caterer in Chicago
DamnedGladToMeetYou@reddit
On The Simpsons, Springfield's Chinatown district has a toy store called Toys "L" Us.
Think about it for a sec.
Duckbites@reddit
True story. I knew a woman, she was second generation american. Her mother from the old Asian country excuse me I don't recall.
The daughter says " mom, I'm bringing a boy home tonight. I really like him. I need you to work hard to say his name correctly"
"Okay. I try hard. What's his name?"
"Lance Rice"
DamnedGladToMeetYou@reddit
Poor Rance.
blochow2001@reddit
In the movie Blazing Saddles, Howard Johnson’s had one flavor.
jb19971@reddit
“you fucked up, you trusted us”
-animal house
BZ2USvets81@reddit
You forgot the start of that. "Face it Flounder, you fucked up. You trusted us." My wife and I still use that.
ExternalNote1354@reddit
“They’re on double secret probation!”
ExternalNote1354@reddit
“See if you can guess what I am now. A zit! Get it?”
evasandor@reddit
“get it?” is the capstone of that joke.
Strange-Insurance848@reddit
Our local urologist was Dick Chopp.
Belmish@reddit
From Arrested Development there are so many...
Mae 'Maebe' Funke: Do you guys know where I could get one of those gold T-shaped pendants?
Michael: That's a cross.
Mae 'Maebe' Funke: Across from where?
Duckbites@reddit
Similar joke when Peter Parker introduces himself.
"Hi I'm Peter Parker" "Hello. I'm Dr strange" "Oh, I didn't know we were using our superhero names, I'm Spider-Man"
CptBadAss2016@reddit
'Somebody's got to go back and get a shitload of dimes!"
Strange-Insurance848@reddit
“Hey guys. Big gulps huh? Alright see you later.” Why I laugh at that, I do not know. Dumb and Dumber
bss60@reddit
When the Woody Allen character (Micky) is saying good night to the Dianne Wiest character (Holly) at the end of a disastrous blind date in Hannah and her Sisters: "I had a great evening; it was like the Nuremberg Trials."
atlcog@reddit
Money Pythons Flying Circus - "What's brown and sounds like a bell?"
"Dung!"
Umeyard@reddit
Airplane.
Looks like I picked the wrong week to....
Best running gag ever.... right Billy?
catdude142@reddit
Do you like gladiators?
Hello_IM_FBI@reddit
You ever been to a Turkish prison?
lokkentw32@reddit
"Where are you from?"
"I was bread in Old Kentucky, but I'm just a crumb down here..."
scottwax@reddit
Frau Blucher asking Dr. Frankenstein "Ovaltine?" It's not the the line but her delivery and reaction to his stern "no!"
sjciske@reddit
Wilfred Brimely as James J Wells (An Asst US Attorney General) in Absence of Malice:
[looking over his glasses and listening to Quinn and Rosen arguing with each other]
You two guys oughta get married.
Solid_Association_49@reddit
In the cars movie chick hicks sponsor is htb which stands for hostile takeover bank. I giggle every time I watch it with the little guy. Which is a lot.
chalk_dust_@reddit
Mean Girls - Did your teacher ever try to sell you marijuana or ecstasy tablets?
What are marijuana tablets?
bss60@reddit
The hospital?! What is it? It’s a place where they take sick people. But that’s not important right now!
DessertFlowerz@reddit
Basically every line in Airplane
pir22@reddit
Doctor: bad news, you have cancer and Alzheimer. Patient: well, at least I don’t have cancer
Automatic-Count2092@reddit
I've got a special purpose! Your mother's gonna love me!
crayolastorm@reddit
Not from a movie afaik, but my sister and I have been giggling over this one for about 15 years now:
What do you call a fish with no eye?
Fsh.
SignificantPen9325@reddit
Pinky! Are you pondering what I'm pondering?
Quirky_Option_4142@reddit
I think so, Brain, but where are we going to get a trained octopus at this time of night?
cat_knit_everdeen@reddit
Orange whip? Orange whip? Orange whip? Four Orange whips. John Candy was such a treat.
gzuckier@reddit
Putney says the Bormann Six girl has got to have soul! Got to have soul!
Rubblefan@reddit
Ghostbusters, "Where do these stairs go?" "Up."
isthaty0ujohnwayne@reddit
Yea I’ve seen bassmasters
juanda2@reddit
In one episode of Parks and Rec, you can see some pregnancy tests in the background of a supermarket, named "Womb, there it is!"
some_lerker@reddit
In one of the Simpson episodes there was a store called, "Turn Your Head and Coif".
thebaldricklegacy@reddit
Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana.
GoodLordWhatAmIDoing@reddit
The caveman news bulletin in Airplane - specifically when they switch to the other camera angle.
Nevergonnapost866@reddit
In the movie Brazil the main character says something along the lines of “Say hello to the wife and twins for me” and the reply he gets is “Twins? We have triplets!” To which the main character says “Triplets? Wow, time sure does fly!”
apocryphalofmiracles@reddit
Also three stooges Moe “knights” Curley by taping him w sword “I dub thee baron of gray matter”
ARadioactiveEmu@reddit
Schmitt yelling “TYPICAL!!!”
Unforgiven89@reddit
Two throwaway lines from movies that I always found way funnier than merited -
In Kindergarten Cop. At the start of the movie where Arnie is trying to find the suspect and fires his shotgun at a party to get everyone to leave. He says “party’s over, everybody go home”. Followed nonchalantly by “next time my place.”
And in Rat Race when Jon Lovitz steals Hitler’s car. His son goes “dad, you just sold Adolf Hitler’s car!” To which Lovitz replies “he had it coming!”.
conch56@reddit
Lee Kee Shipyard in “Revenge of the Pink Panther “
Novel_Yam3734@reddit
There's a beautiful sign under the el train in the Bronx, advertising for car wash. And it reads, "Hand Wash. The best hand job in the Bronx."
Sempka@reddit
The parking garage ticket machine saying "insert your dicket" Towson, MD.
QdelBastardo@reddit
scuse me while i whip this out.
themarko60@reddit
That’s my favorite line from that movie and I rarely see it quoted. I don’t know if people miss the joke or what but it’s hilarious.
TeaVinylGod@reddit
Whenever I get lunch at a gas station I say "I'm so hungry I could eat a sandwich from a gas station "
-- Clark Griswold
itzbetter@reddit
We used to swim off the back of my dads boat. He’d yell out “Watch out for the Boneless Browns!”. Still makes me crack up.
Snushine@reddit
Is that like a Corn-eyed Brownfish?
itzbetter@reddit
Haha, exactly!
yourmahm@reddit
What did the man do with his dog with no legs? Took him out for a drag every day. (Sick, I know….but.)
synesthesiac48@reddit
As a retort to smol pp jokes: “Hey, it may not be long, but it sure is thin!”
vito1221@reddit
What do you make of this report?
I can make a hat, I can make a broche,
I can make a pterodactyl
JHEverdene@reddit
This exchange from Victoria Wood's Dinnerladies, when Stan is asking Bren's advice on his girlfriend's Christmas present:
STAN: I thought I'd get her an owl.
BREN: A real one?
STAN: Yeah, I know someone who's fed-up with theirs.
The actual scene is funnier, as it's all in the way Stan delivers the line - tickles me every time.
inkyflossy@reddit
The way Kareem Abdul Jabar says “listen, kid” to that kid busting his balls about his record that season lol
LicknDragon@reddit
I've kept Rubber Biscuit on my person since MP3 came out more or less. Waddaya want for nuthin?
Pieclops89@reddit (OP)
It's such a fantastic movie, I'm so glad to find many people are still enjoying the hell out of it with me❤️
LicknDragon@reddit
I had this on VHS poorly recorded off TV with ads and all for years. All scratchy where the tape stretched from rewinding and replaying really funny bits.
Tadpole_RKA@reddit
Penguin: You! Quadruped! Sprechen sie English?
Marty the Zebra: Yeah, I sprechen.
themarko60@reddit
‘Not any time Eddie. Only when it was funny!’ - Roger Rabbit.
Zoraji@reddit
One that was easily missed if you don't understand Spanish. In Anchorman they went to a Mexican restaurant. It's name was Escupos en su Alimento. That means we spit in your food.
SaintCholo@reddit
In the book Dearly Deported, there’s a taco shop called Aztlan Tacos & Muffler Shop where someone scrawls “no muff too tuff”.
redhousebythebog@reddit
Tobias from Arrested Development. Everyone knows he is gay, but Tobias.
dki9st@reddit
So many to choose from: Wayne's World 1&2, Major League, Hot Shots 1&Deux, Half Baked (the mime scene, Cuban bee, and the Killer the dog scene), The Stupids (Thank you, Lloyd!), and mainly, mostly, my origin story basis, the genius that is UHF by Weird Al (Spatula City ("We sell spatulas, and that's all!"), flying poodles ("Aw, man!"), badgers ("We don't need no stinking badgers!"), Ghandi 2:The Revenge ("I'll have a steak, medium rare!"), and Conan the Librarian ("Don't you know the Dewey Decimal System?")). Can't forget "Supplies!", "Red snapper! Very tasty!" and "Something blue!".
AcousticOnomatopoeia@reddit
My mom has always said that she has no sense of smell, for 30 years I've liked to loudly exclaim that 'my mom doesn't smell good,' especially around her friends and coworkers.
I laugh every time.
Informational_Tech@reddit
When I got home I decided to move the pool. - Fletch lives
ivylily03@reddit
There's a salon in my hometown called "Do or Dye" and I chuckle every time I see it.
LowerSlowerOlder@reddit
“Your mother’s a slot.” Butthead to Beavis when they are watching a Tool video. I probably say this twice a week and it’s been 25+ years.
clmdmia@reddit
I think it was that same video Butthead- "If I could move my hand that fast, I'd never leave the house."
Nolongeranalpha@reddit
What is an astronauts favorite boardgame?
Moonopoly.
I cackled like a maniac when I tried to tell my wife this joke.
SixStringsOneBadIdea@reddit
What do you call a dog that does magic tricks?
A labracadabrador.
This makes me snort.
Tom2Die@reddit
In a video from The Onion (can't remember which one), one of the headlines at the bottom of the "news" report:
keeperof-the-flame@reddit
“ I don’t know why women are so pissed off all the time. They have half the money and all the the pussy “ Gary Busey in D.C. Cab
Tardegrades@reddit
You may say I'm a dreamer, but I'm not.
Dinner for Schmucks
canwehaveaneel@reddit
From the Simps
HopeItMakesYouThink@reddit
Short joke from my childhood.
Nun walks down the street and sees some hoodlums doing what hoodlums do.
‘Keep sinning like that and you will be on an express trip to Hell and know the Devil personally!’
To which one of the hoodlums says ‘if we get there before ya, we will save you a seat!’
PM_ur_butthole_2me@reddit
There’s a curl up and dye in Detroit lol didn’t know they stole that name
Pieclops89@reddit (OP)
It's such a good name
fd1Jeff@reddit
I lived in Chicago until a few years ago. That place was still there last I checked.
NoPerformance6534@reddit
A riffed scene from Godzilla vs the Sea Monster: The characters are thrashing their way through the jungle, having crash landed. One comments, "I'm hungry." Another says, "Why don't you eat some bananas?" First guy says, "I feel like a monkey!" Crow T. Robot responds, "Yeah! Know where we can get one?"
But for me, the rip snorters were: Godzilla is tired of fighting and sits down on a rock, resembling someone in an outhouse. There's a group of humans wearing yellow raincoats trying to tiptoe past him. One of the Mystery.Sciencd Theater riffers says, "Be careful! We look like corncobs to him!!"
That joke just about did me in. My Grandmother had an outhouse, so I knew what corncobs were used for.
And finally, in one of the two "kid visits the circus" films MST3K riffed, there are two male trapeze artists who were dressed as clowns. One was sitting on a swing, and the other was inside down on the same swing, facing the other direction. The upper clown produces a short broom and vigorously brooms the upturned butt of the lower clown. Crow T. Robot says, "More! More!! I'm a BAD clown!!!!" That line destroyed me.
blind_venetians@reddit
The Muppet Movie; the scene with Telly Savalas, Madeline Kahn and Kermit. Madeline’s character touches Kermit and Telly say “yuk! Go wash… touching him will give you warts. Kermit says no no that’s a myth. Telly, “a what?” Kermit says a myth A MYTH! A women walking through stops and answers, “Yeth?”
IAmFern@reddit
A guy goes to the doctor with a ship's steering wheel stuck in his crotch.
The doctor says "That must hurt."
The guys says "Arrrr, it's driving me nuts."
Oneironaut420@reddit
One that comes off the top of my head is Charlie on It's Always Sunny suddenly screaming at Dee over the phone "THIS IS AN OVER UNTIL I SAY IT'S OVER!!!"
lonestarr357@reddit
There are two jokes - just quick bits of nonsense - that just kill me so much because there’s so many layers to them.
Monty Python and the Holy Grail - The old man chained up in the dungeon clapping along with the Camelot song. How did he end up in that situation? How would he even be clapping on beat? Who’s to say?
Gremlins 2 - One gremlin throws a vial of acid into the face of another gremlin, and then the second gremlin immediately puts up a Phantom of the Opera mask like he knew that was going to happen.
One_Economist_3761@reddit
“Bloodbath and Beyond” from the Simpsons.
NoMuscle4502@reddit
Kenneth Williams as Caesar in Carry On Cleo
"Infamy, infamy. They've all got it in for me"
Capable-Grocery686@reddit
Carry on Up The Khyber. “Rank Stupity” when the gong is hit.
Snuggleworthy@reddit
I wonder if this somewhat inspired Young Frankenstein's "Destiny, destiny! No escaping that for me"
OhThePetSpider@reddit
What’s the difference between a kayak and a canoe? You cam say kayak backwards 😂
ill-pick-one-later@reddit
An establishing shot of a Mexican restaurant in Anchorman shows the name of the restaurant to be 'Escupimos en su Comida.' Translates to 'We Spit in your Food.'
BC_Arctic_Fox@reddit
"There's a leek in my boat!" - best line of that movie about falling meatballs ...? Don't remember the title lol
Snuggleworthy@reddit
Cloudy with a chance of meatballs?
BC_Arctic_Fox@reddit
Yeeesssssssss thank you!
TremontRhino@reddit
Interrupting cow
thirty7inarow@reddit
I had this one in the chamber for ages before I used it the first time. My kid was about four years old and for whatever reason was totally inconsolable. I hit him with Interrupting Cow and he went from bawling his eyes out to giggling maniacally and mooing for about half an hour solid.
bebackground471@reddit
inter..
TremontRhino@reddit
MOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!
ohgeebus_notagain@reddit
Got'em!
Accomplished-Ad-3891@reddit
An old 3 Stooges episode called Disorder in the Court. They’re trying to get Curly to swear to tell the truth. The judge says, “He’s asking you if you swear!”
Curly says, “No, but I know all the words.”
cyanide_alchemist@reddit
on an episode of metalocalypse there's a burger joint called Dimmu Burger
sloppysauce@reddit
Another hair salon named “Early Bird Gets the Perm”.
SnarkyBear53@reddit
Yet another salon: "Crops and Bobbers"
Fit_Organization9210@reddit
Of course there’s always Curl up and Dye
howgreenwas@reddit
In the 50s, my aunt had a hair salon and her motto was, “if your hair isn’t becoming to you, you should be coming to me.”
Equivalent_Pickle103@reddit
I have the International Hairport just down the street .
ddcurrie@reddit
A comedian/sleight of hand artist performs with a parrot on the Titanic. They’re floating in the sea after the tragedy and the parrot looks around and says: all right what did you do with the ship?
OldElvis1@reddit
"Remeber where ever you go, there you are ' Buckaroo Bonsai
BanditSixActual@reddit
"We haven't a chance. Your Overthruster is shit!"
MisterJimson@reddit
We've been married 10 years, but it feels like 15 with the windchill.
Dickhole_Fart@reddit
You can't pay me what I'm worth, I don't work that cheap
NoPerformance6534@reddit
A movie called "Pumaman" and pronouncing it pyoo-may-man. It sounds like a name for some part of your genitals. For example, "Aw hells, I've bruised my pumaman!"
travis2886@reddit
Caddy shack “Well, we’re waiting” You’re a tremendous slouch
TH0316@reddit
Not sure if it counts but I’ll never not it funny when people answer a banana like it’s a phone call, and the less ironic, more deadpan the better. I find it hilarious.
SkyTheImmense@reddit
My absolute favourite joke to tell is the interrupting cow. I will laugh at it 100% of the time, way, way harder than the person I'm telling it to. They almost never laugh in fact, while I'm rolling on the floor pissing myself.
NinjatheClick@reddit
I saw a variation of this.
It started with interrupting cow.
Then interrupting sloth. (You interrupt by just reaching out really slowly to touch their arm and slowly pull it back).
Then, knock knock.
Who's there?
Completely inappropriate.
(When they go to say "Completely inappropriate who" you slap them hard across the face.)
Wife's friend did it in highschool to a creep that wouldn't leave her alone.
nwbrown@reddit
https://xkcd.com/1482/
skylarben@reddit
My supermarket has an aisle labeled "ethnic food, " leaving me to wonder isn't it all ethnic food.
OilPhilter@reddit
I used to work for a small deli /butcher. His name was Frank. We all wore shirts that said, You can't beat Frankie's meat.
choicejam@reddit
Any line from the lips of Lloyd Bridges in Airplane and Hot Shots. To this day any time I slip or get tripped up I say “I tripped on a crab.” “Don’t tell me there weren’t any there was two of em! They work in pairs.”
Both-Bodybuilder3329@reddit
We have a place with that name here in Vegas.
drethnudrib@reddit
Any time anyone pulls a snack pack of peanuts or almonds, I shout, "WOW! THAT'S A LOT OF NUTS!" from a little-known Kung Fu movie parody.
NinjatheClick@reddit
THATLL BE 3 BUCKS BABY! YOU WANT FRIES WITH THAT?
spocknambulist@reddit
New comedy Fackham Hall is rife with these, starting with the title, which, when pronounced by the (many) Cockney characters sounds like “Fuck ‘em all”
pizza-mage@reddit
“Werewolf? There wolf, there castle.”
jonnyoslowe@reddit
Man I miss Click and Clack.
Knitchick82@reddit
Also, just for you, a blast from the past. Happy reading. :)
https://jfi.uchicago.edu/~tten/Funny%20things/Car%20Talk-%20Credits.html
Knitchick82@reddit
Doug the subway fugitive, not a slave to fashion, bongo boy, frog lips Bergman!
VerifyMe@reddit
Blazing Saddles: when they roll into town… there is a Baskin Robbins 1 flavor.
bussinbeats@reddit
Joe Dirts different shirts. I choked Linda Lovelace is classic
Greenfieldfox@reddit
Life’s a garden. Dig it.
NoRedditNamesAreLeft@reddit
But it's not funny. It's just words.
Pieclops89@reddit (OP)
I'll have to see what the rest were. I probably quote that movie 3 times a week, but don't remember the shirts.
Obsidian-Phoenix@reddit
Three things:
Few-Start2819@reddit
Dumb and dumber use a laxative called turbo lax it reminds me of the income tax program called turbo tax 😂😂
ReadySetGO0@reddit
In Cave Creek AZ there is a restaurant named The Horny Toad. Its sister restaurant is The Satisfied Frog.
cisforcoffee@reddit
I've been in The Horny Toad, but never The Satisfied Frog.
bharas@reddit
He doesn’t drink anymore. I can’t see how he could.
MaladroitHuman@reddit
Our pets’ HEADS ARE FALLIN OFF
pagingdrsolus@reddit
in trailer park boys there is a character called Jay Rock who keeps repeating the phrase. "do you know what I'm saying?"
He says it over and over faster and faster varying the pitch as if he's a DJ at a turntable. he even mimics speeding up and slowing down the record as he repeats the phrase.
that bit by itself is very funny but it is Julian's subtle question "hey man, what are you saying" that makes me bust out laughing until I have tears.
https://youtu.be/neOJdj1jVPc?si=u7FmhznfRjMtMxEa
gcounter@reddit
Rocknrolla picked up that same joke. Didn't know it was from The Blues Brothers
potato_queen17@reddit
Not even a joke really but when Elastigirl tells her children to Brace themselves! for the ocean landing after finding their costumes, sneaking onto a jet and then watching that jet explode above them?? Yeah, brace yourselves for the sea 😂
Best_Following6816@reddit
What did one contractor , say to the other contractor , tape measure’s don’t lie , people do .
HeSaidSonOfMan@reddit
When you come to a fork in the road, take it. — Yogi Berra
StanTheDryBear@reddit
Simpsons has the best one because it subverts this whole bit:
“This is Arnie Pye with ‘Arnie In The Sky’…”
Snuggleworthy@reddit
It's no store front that reads "Sneed's Seed & Feed (formerly Chuck's)"
pm_fearless@reddit
There actually is a Curl up and Dye on Rt 22 in NJ
implicit_feelings@reddit
A general phrase that some non-english speakers use around here:
Wait a minute for five minutes
HairyH@reddit
How does one titilate an ocelot? Oscillate it's tit a lot.
Snuggleworthy@reddit
One of my favourite jokes. Also....
Why should you never wear Ukrainian underwear?
Because Chernobyl Fallout!
Pieclops89@reddit (OP)
I laughed way too fucking hard
RandomGuy197680@reddit
Peter Griffin: "the storm must be moving away." ( After he fails to time his fart in a business meeting with the thunder). 🤣🤣🤣
rstockto@reddit
In a similar vein, there is a barbershop in The Simpsons called "Hairy Shearers" after the actor on the show.
tylex67@reddit
"This is a viaduct leading over to the mainland,"
"Why a duck? Why-a-no-chicken?".
techguydiy@reddit
It’s just a flesh wound.
DrBigsKimble@reddit
The line I always use from this movie is “She turned me into a newt….. I got better.”
Hollywood-AK@reddit
She has huge.....tracts of land
SpaceDave83@reddit
I’m not dead yet!
I’m feeling much better!
techguydiy@reddit
🤣 another solid one.
Pieclops89@reddit (OP)
I have a terrible memory, this whole scene is locked in there forever
techguydiy@reddit
Absolutely, I know exactly what you mean! 🤣🤣🤣
WarderWannabe@reddit
From the Buffy the Vampire Slayer movie: “Her yabos scoff at gravity”
gipelley@reddit
One of my all-time faves is the funeral scene (hear me out...) in Steel Magnolias. It is a HIGHLY emotional scene and I was ugly-crying. Then M'lynn says she's so mad she could just punch someone. Clarice shoves Ouizer forward and says "Here, hit Ouzier!"... I nearly fell out of the seat laughing.
Bigred31561@reddit
In the Three Stooges short, Malice In The Palace, one character says to Shemp, "I am Hassan Ben Sober" and Shemp replies, "that's okay, I had a few too many myself"....gets me every time!
Texlectric@reddit
Little Nicky, in the credits or bonus edition, Nicky's 3 friends are about to be burned at the stake (dying, idk) one of them asks:
"Is there anything you wish you did in life before we die?"
"Yeah, I wish I would've experimented more, sexually."
"What? Do you mean like with a bunson burner or something?"
Snuggleworthy@reddit
From the first one "where are you from?" "The south. The deep south" then manic laughter
maximumgmail@reddit
The three stooges: Moe says”shut up, I’m trying to think and nuttins happening. “
aileron51@reddit
No it was Curly who said that.
Pieclops89@reddit (OP)
I may be Moe...
Active_Two_6741@reddit
The Hotel Coral Essex in Revenge of the Nerds II lights burn out to read Hot oral sex
Recent_Researcher433@reddit
SEPTIC TANKS PUMPED SWIMMING POOLS FILLED NOT SAME TRUCK
LovelyBones17@reddit
In the video game Uncharted 4 the main character is getting his ass kicked and he says “Mango ! Mango!” Quipping that it’s his safe word .. whenever something is unpleasant I say MANGO! cracks me up every time
TeteDeMerde@reddit
"What an incredible Cinderella story! This unknown, comes out of nowhere, to lead the pack at Augusta. He's at the final hole. He's about 455 yards away, he's gonna hit about a 2-iron, I think. Oh, he got all of that. The crowd is standing on its feet here at Augusta. The normally reserved crowd is going wild... for this young Cinderella who's come out of nowhere. He's got about 350 yards left, he's going to hit about a 5-iron, it looks like, don't you think? He's got a beautiful backswing... that's- oh, he got all of that one! He's gotta be pleased with that! The crowd is just on its feet here. He's a Cinderella boy. Tears in his eyes, I guess, as he lines up this last shot. He's got about 195 yards left, and he's got a, looks like he's got about an 8-iron. This crowd has gone deadly silent... Cinderella story, out of nowhere, former greenskeeper, now about to become the Masters champion. It looks like a mirac- it's in the hole! It's in the hole!"
DrJoels@reddit
In cannibal the musical when they’re sitting around eating human flesh. Alfred Packer tries a little bite and throws up. Matt Stone’s character who has been chowing down on an arm see’s that and says “gross!”
Whoosier@reddit
'Tis but a scratch. MP and the Holy Grail
ApprehensiveOil4286@reddit
There is a salon by that same name in Runaway Bride.
jumpinin66@reddit
In Alaska there’s an inn halfway between Anchorage and Fairbanks called “Skinny Dick’s Halfway Inn”
rkmkthe6th@reddit
I wear a body spray called “Really ripped abs” I enjoy telling people what it is, and after a beat adding: “…but it turns out they sell it to anyone”.
kalel616@reddit
Simpsons, don't remember the episode, hair salon called Turn Your Head and Coiffe
Harper2400@reddit
In a town I live by they have a septic company called “Jim’s Septic - Number 1 in the number 2 business”
Swiggy1957@reddit
I Actually told this to my boss one day: "Larry, I'm not as stupid as you look!"
Belmish@reddit
Wow.
Just the insult I was looking for…
aewright0316@reddit
You’re telling me a shrimp fried this rice?
cinamondog@reddit
New western novel. Brown streak across the desert. By Diarrhea Dick!
jumpinin66@reddit
Homer: hey I once knew a man from Nantucket Bart: and? Homer: let’s just say the rumors about him were greatly exaggerated
PristineMycologist15@reddit
In The Blues Brothers movie the Illinois Nazis drive Ford cars. Hitler was a huge fan of Henry Ford, keeping a portrait of Ford in his office. Ford’s German plant made a third of the trucks the German military used in the war.
jumpinin66@reddit
Also from the Blues Brothers: Jake - how often does the train go by? Elwood - so often you’ll hardly even notice
jeffroyisyourboy@reddit
"my buddy has a dog that's half Golden Retriever and half Wiener Dog, so he's smart enough to know how fuckin stupid he looks." - Jeremy Hotz
sleepless3dd@reddit
The Polar Bear called Garcia in Code Red.
richbrandow@reddit
Stepbrothers. When John C Reilly is in the men’s room and Kathryn Hahn throws her foot up on the urinal. Gets me every time.
the_all_time_loser@reddit
"I know you killed Mozart."
"Moe Who?"
"ZART!"
Bazilb7@reddit
A horse walked in to a bar, and the barman goes why the long face?
Chris618189@reddit
There was restaurant/deli in Laurel MD when I was younger called 'Storm Inn and Carry Out'. Always loved that.
jeffroyisyourboy@reddit
Lil' Sebastian from Parks and Recreation. How EVERYBODY in Pawnee absolutely loves this goofy looking miniature horse that does absolutely nothing but sit there and look stupid always cracks me up.
csonny2@reddit
The infamous "Lemon of Troy" episode from the Simpsons, the scene where the dads ask a group of guys at the Shelbyville gas station if they've seen any kids from Springfield.
Guy 1: "Missing children? Sounds like Springfield's got a discipline problem"
Guy 2: "Maybe that's why we beat them at football nearly half the time, huh?"
htrix@reddit
Ghostbusters II:
“Doh…” “Rey…” “EGON.”
That’s the first time I can ever remember really laughing at a joke in a movie. I must have been about 4 or 5. It still gives me a chuckle to this day.
dragonship@reddit
Flooring store in Dublin : Lino Ritchie's.
Pieclops89@reddit (OP)
Oh, that is great!
Danaltima21@reddit
The dildo of consequences rarely arrives lubed...
DrPooBrain@reddit
“I present to you the 15…” SMASH “…10 commandments!”
Pieclops89@reddit (OP)
Yes!
Quiet_District_8372@reddit
I used to get a laugh out of “Hugh tracks of land” before everyone forgot about Monty Python
krashe1313@reddit
In Office Space, the apartments are called "Morningwood Apartments"
washed_ashore@reddit
What's this with these No Kings Rallies?
Bob Dylan started it: No kings on Heavens Door.
Flatulatory@reddit
What generation is Forrest Gump from?
Gen-A
Wide_With_Opinions@reddit
In the movie The Mummy with Brennan Frazier, as they stand on a burning riverboat, chaos all around him, he turns to a sidekick and says "you stay here, I'll go for help," then dives over the rail into the Nile, swimming for shore... I loved that moment.
tryingsomthingnew@reddit
" The sheriff is a near"
Pieclops89@reddit (OP)
What I think every time I see the police
jonfitt@reddit
We got both kinds, we got country and western!
Novel_Contract7251@reddit
Years ago my wife and I walked into a bar in rural Wyoming that had “live music tonight” signs up. We asked what kind of music to expect from that night’s band, and the bartender said. “A little of both.” We were unable to return to listen.
Country and Western? Country and Rock?
Yorker9986@reddit
Cool Runnings
[the team emerges from the airport into a blizzard] Irv: It's not so much the heat, it's the humidity that'll kill you.
booboocita@reddit
Sixteen Candles:
Geek (Anthony Michael Hall) - "Well, I'm back."
Samantha (Molly Ringwald) - "So I smell."
drproximo@reddit
During the musical episode of Buffy, there's a scene with Giles talking to Anya and Xander, and at one point he says "I was able to take a look at the body while the police were taking witness arias". The way he casually says "witness arias" instead of "witness statements" is wonderful, and it just breezes by unacknowledged.
thetruesupergenius@reddit
I’m a locksmith. And I’m a locksmith.
ejs2000@reddit
Back to the future 3. Doc and Marty are trapped in a saloon by Biff and his crew.
Marty, to the saloonkeeper: “Do you have a back door?”
Saloonkeeper: “Yeah, it’s in the back.”
ztreHdrahciR@reddit
Not even a joke, but in the Christmas Story tree lot scene, I wait expectantly for "nah, that's them balsams" then I laugh for no reason
Just_blorpo@reddit
Diner scene in the movie ‘Dumb and Dumber’. The cashier is reading a book entitled’’OF COURSE YOU’RE ANGRY!’
gmeovr83@reddit
For me it’s sight gags. Little visuals that tell a stupid joke, but they get a big laugh from me every time. Here’s one recent example I clocked while rewatching Dexter’s Lab:
Season 2 episode “G.I.R.L. Squad”, where Deedee and her two friends, Mimi and Lili, decide to catch neighborhood criminals. In one bit, Deedee keeps calling out for the girls to “sound off” that they’re in position.
In the scene in question, she calls for Mimi and it cuts to a little cat in a yard. The cat removes its head to reveal that it’s just a costume with Mimi inside saying “I’m here”. Then it cuts to Deedee again and she asks for Lili. Once again we cut to the same cat. Still Mimi holding the fake cat head from the costume, and she removes her Mimi head to reveal Lili underneath who says “here I am” and the scene just continues from there as if that wasn’t the funniest shit. Blink and you missed it.
I remember thinking to myself “that may be one of the best stupid jokes in the whole series” and it’s a show filled with a TON of stupid jokes
Pieclops89@reddit (OP)
Yea, this is the kind of thing I was thinking of. Very funny, but blink and you miss it.
bippityboppityboing@reddit
“What was that noise?” “It was a dick fur.” “What’s a dick fur?” “To pee with.”
— Spies Like Us
glockman66@reddit
You ARE the Brute Squad!
week7nocontact@reddit
Taxidermy shop near me called A head of the game
Low_Age_7427@reddit
Bakery sign..."need dough? Baker wanted.."
PM_ur_butthole_2me@reddit
Knead*
Pieclops89@reddit (OP)
Oh, that is really good
ZincAddict@reddit
Simpsons Season 7 — Episode 8 (Mother Simpson)
*The lights go out in the house
Lisa: «Bart ran into a doorframe and bit his tongue!» Bart: «What the hell'th goin' on heah?»
_Saint_Venomous_@reddit
One of my favorite film lines... "Are you police officers?" "No, Ma'am, we're musicians?"
Second favorite (from UHF, I think)... "Badgers? BADGERS?! We don't NEEED no stinking badgers!"
Ou1ja@reddit
Back in the day, I used to work right across from a gay sauna called Back Boy’s. The rule? You had to enter through the back. I still grin thinking about it. And yeah… the place is still there!
Drucifer416@reddit
Man says to his wife, “ Your starting to sound a lot like my ex wife”. Wife, “ I didn’t know you were married before?”. Man, “ I wasn’t”.
Wolffraven@reddit
From the Marx Brothers movie “Coconuts”
Via a duck? (why a duck) when talking about crossing a stream using the viaduct.
questerweis@reddit
Two muffins are sitting in an oven
One muffin turns the other and says "Man it's hot in here."
The other muffin says "holy shit a talking muffin!"
Donaldrke@reddit
My name is Earl, the lollipop guild scene. Not sure why, But can't stop laughing.
VonDingwell@reddit
1) Two sausages were in a frying pan.
First sausage looks at the Second and says "hey, do you find it getting hot in here?"
Second sausage looks over shouts "HOLY SHIT A TALKING SAUSAGE"
2) What's the last thing that goes through a bugs mind as he hits a windshield?
His ass!
centstwo@reddit
Princess Bride. Prince Humperdinck (not the small laugh) arrives at the scene of the dead Sicilian, picks up the empty tube of iocane powder, which is complety oderless, tasteless, and colorless. Sniffs the tube and says, "Iocane powder, I'd bet my life on it!"
BerryRoutine6469@reddit
Why did the pony want a sip of water? Because he was a little hoarse.
OcherNote@reddit
Does your face hurt?
No. Why?
Because it's killing me.
IamNICE124@reddit
This is just the whole movie of Dumb and Dumber lol.
TheoryConsistent4870@reddit
“(Repeat the last thing they said)…that used to be my stage name!”
pcb4u2@reddit
A waste is a terrible thing to mind.
Traditional_Papaya26@reddit
Tri-quad area.
smOkey__17@reddit
"Catch me if you can" movie: Son- " mom is thinking about getting a part time job." Father-"Oh yeah? What is she gonna be? A shoe salesman at a centipede farm!?"
Easythaiger@reddit
That dad might be my favorite actor. Step brothers and six feet under.
Medical_Help9111@reddit
I fart in your direction
dejomatic@reddit
Dumb and Dumber. When Shay and Mental are first at the apartment, their exchange has me rolling every time:
Mental: maybe we should rough up the place; send em a message. Shay: I don't think they're gonna get that message. He has worms in his living room!
danmickla@reddit
Audio joke: the Larry Sanders theme song, starting with a quote from the Hallelujah chorus, makes me chortle every time
PhilosophyNovel4087@reddit
I binged the tv show "The White Shadow" last year and there was an episode with Ron Pinkard. He was a clerk in charge of jurors and jury duty.
The main character, Ken Reeves, was trying to get out of jury duty and claimed he had an 'emergency'. Pinkard takes out a dictionary and reads the definition of 'emergency'.
I laughed out loud at this inside joke. (Pinkard was on 72 episodes of Emergency!)
Bulky-Pineapple-5639@reddit
Did you hear about the population explosion in Ireland? ….it Dublin 😎
richard_vaynes@reddit
In Red Dead Redemption 2, Arthur Morgan gets shot in his left hand and says “Arrgghh, that’s my second favorite drinking hand!”
sonictemple@reddit
Driving through canadian prairies saw a sign for camel towing. Didn't get the pun for a few minutes.
ADHD_Panda@reddit
When Buckwheat used the word “dictate” in a sentence. “Hey Darla! How my dictate?” I chuckle every time I hear that word.
Accomplished_Fix5702@reddit
Our window cleaner is called Seymour Clearly ... I'll take a photo of his van.
And a local gardening guy traded as Fencin' and Hedges, parodying the cigarette company Benson and Hedges logo. Benson and Hedges logo.
Or here is an actual joke.
Ask someone if they know where the phrase 'gaslighting' comes from ... They won't know, tell them "It's from the movie Gaslight with Ingrid Bergman. Have you seen it?". "No". "Yes you have, " .... 🙂
lizlemon921@reddit
“Liquor? I barely know er!”
fozzedout@reddit
Mary Rose sat on a pin. Mary rose.