A burglar breaks into a house at night, shining his flashlight around the living room looking for valuables, when he hears a voice say: "Jesus is watching you."
Posted by foss4all@reddit | Jokes | View on Reddit | 34 comments
He turns his flashlight off and freezes. After a couple minutes, nothing happens, so he turns the flashlight back on, and immediately hears: "Jesus is watching you."
He whirls around and shines the flashlight towards the voice, and sees a parrot sitting in a cage in the corner.
"Was that you?" he asks the parrot.
"Yes", says the parrot. "But I'm telling you, Jesus is watching you."
"Thanks for telling me”, chuckles the burglar, relaxing. “So what’s your name?"
"Moses," replies the parrot.
"Moses?" the burglar laughs, "What kind of people would name a parrot Moses?"
"The same kind that would name a Pit Bull Jesus."
demoniccaveman@reddit
Wonderful
EndAvailable6632@reddit
An oldie, but a goodie!
No_Permission6405@reddit
Good joke for easter, but I don't remember seeing a parrot in The Ten Commandments last night.
d_a_keldsen@reddit
It’s a parroty
IcedOutGiant@reddit
Take my meager upvote 😭
intrepidtx@reddit
delicious
OutrageousRhubarb853@reddit
Reminds me of the old one:
A man is driving through a sketchy part of town in his fancy car and can’t find a decent parking space. He pulls up in this dark street which looks extra shady and decides that this spot will have to do. By the time he is climbing out the car and small group of kids appear and ask for money to look after the car. The driver replies that his car doesn’t need looking after as his loyal pit bull is in the back seat, to which the boys reply - your dog can put out fires?
chocolateturtle456@reddit
I don't get it?
IcedOutGiant@reddit
That's because extortion and threats of burning an animal alive aren't generally funny.
Blastercorps@reddit
"Give us money or we burn your car"
SarnakhWrites@reddit
If he doesn’t pay the kids to look after the car, the kids are gonna set it on fire
bunkakan@reddit
Boys plan on arson if he doesn't pay up.
chocolateturtle456@reddit
Ohhh, duhh.
IcedOutGiant@reddit
Probably should've left that joke to die, bud.
Tell that joke to a dude with a dog and bring us back a report on how it went.
SpaceBug176@reddit
The kids then proceeded to get jumped by the afromentined Pitbull, "Princess".
2BallsInTheHole@reddit
What is wrong with you people? It's a joke this is a joke page. Stop telling me that you've heard it!
madlibs13@reddit
Good ole 73.
dataman1960@reddit
Goodyear? No, the worst ever.
dtop668@reddit
73!?! That's not funny. My dad died over Macho Grande
vatp46a@reddit
Howie was a rock. Best tail gunner in the outfit. Buddy came unglued.
Glum-Ad7761@reddit
Andy bailed out?!?
vatp46a@reddit
No. Andy hung tough. It was Buddy who bailed out.
motific@reddit
Over Macho Grande?
nickfree@reddit
No…I don’t think I’ll ever get over Macho Grande.
Dive30@reddit
That’s why I developed this drinking problem
Pyrotech72@reddit
265... Burglar, B is on 2. Moses, M on 6, Jesus, J on 5
DIO_Wears_Gucci@reddit
Heard a variation of this where Jesus was actually a wolfdog.
DJEmirMixtapes@reddit
Jesus, sick balls!
DJEmirMixtapes@reddit
LOL, oh that's good
3point21@reddit
Siccum! Jesus!
MISProf@reddit
An old fav
stinky143@reddit
That made my day!
LowEggplant4800@reddit
Anyone remember no. 62? 🤣🤣🤣
pra_com001@reddit
Good old No. 51