Three friends were bragging about who has the most sex. The first guy starts, “Y'all ain't got nothing on me! I can go to any bar and bring home a new woman every night! Not only that, but I drive a corvette and have an 8 inch penis! I've slept with more than 1,000 women!”

Posted by 808gecko808@reddit | Jokes | View on Reddit | 154 comments

Second guy fires back, “Oh yeah? Well I’m a top gynecologist at the highest rated hospital in the world. I make $800,000 a year, have patients and nurses who have sex with me every hour I’m at work. All the women compliment me on my 12 inch penis and I've slept with well over 5,000 women.”

Last guy chuckles, “I have you all beat. I fucked over all the Redditors who were expecting a punchline to this joke.”

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HomeBarista@reddit

At the time of this writing, he has only fucked 4504 Redditors. The gynecologist has him beat.

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WanderingWsWorld@reddit

He must have a very small penis.

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Skilledpainter@reddit

.....and makes pesos

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jarheadatheart@reddit

And drives a big truck.

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EmperorMittens@reddit

Lift kit. Pointlessly added large tires more suited for off road use but never taken off road. Bitchin stereo system. Custom paint job. Custom upholstery job for the interior.

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Atthesoundofthetone@reddit

With an diamond plate truck box and a cb antenna. Rides people's bumpers and drives it like a sports car.

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FraxTech@reddit

And is in $100k of debt for a $30k truck.

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ZenithTheZero@reddit

And it’s squatted

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EmperorMittens@reddit

Peak overcompensating.

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Organic_Smile_8731@reddit

It has to have like a roll cage and cross chest racing seatbelts, even though he never drives it

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2katts@reddit

No doubt with a “No fat chicks” sticker and he tops 400 lbs.

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arrakis2@reddit

Don’t forget all the neon lights underneath too.

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EmperorMittens@reddit

Nitrous installed as well, do you agree?

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dadadam67@reddit

Reminds me. I need to get a custom paint job on my lifted jeep (or grow a bigger member).

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Liv1ng-the-Blues@reddit

A pair of those fake bull testicles hanging from the rear hitch

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RattleyourBum@reddit

We have even got them in Europe now, and it’s all idiots who drive with them.

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EmperorMittens@reddit

Bismuth finish on those truck nuts.

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groupwhere@reddit

Don't forget the Back Off mud flaps.

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DavidGarner1964@reddit

Yosemite Sam firing his pistols

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Magopolis@reddit

I drove a giant truck one time and it felt amazing. It made me think of all the little guys with big trucks and if it’s true what they say, then just let them have their big truck. It’s all they have. It’s like heckling a crippled person because they have a good parking spot.

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LaximumEffort@reddit

Testicles on the ball hitch.

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badwolf1013@reddit

Hates when you say, “I like how you decorated your truck.”

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Ymirsson@reddit

Custom anime paint job gives bonus points

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EmperorMittens@reddit

Waifu or nothing

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mode_12@reddit

Drives slow over railroad tracks so as to not damage the tires or suspension

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Winnapig@reddit

Actually… you are supposed to unload the drive shaft over railroad tracks.

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SmartDriver22@reddit

Like he knows what to do with a shaft

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Seriously2much@reddit

Saw a lifted jeep Wrangler with big off-road tires and suspension break down and do the death wobble in the fast lane on the way to Vegas on the 15 last week. Must've hit a pothole hard.

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AmazingGrace911@reddit

I was just gonna comment this exact thing

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indi911@reddit

2wd

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Cbudgell@reddit

That's why I had to get my truck lowered

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Exact-Mathematician8@reddit

Only if his wife lets him

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jarheadatheart@reddit

She’ll let him because she’ll get sick and tired of his constant crying and whining about how all his cool friends have one.

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Chemical-Marsupial92@reddit

Those friends aren't friends

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Pun_In_Ten_Did@reddit

Emotional support truck.

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Frido1976@reddit

And the truck's bed's only time it actually had something in it was the plastic wrap it got delivered in...

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Teddy_Swolesevelt@reddit

With those testicles hanging off them

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trueicecold@reddit

It grows more as people comment

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No-Shopping4237@reddit

F150!

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moseley101@reddit

…with truck nuts

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tobiasolman@reddit

Guaranteed. I didn’t even feel it and was too disappointed to even laugh.

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Vast-Raccoon-7126@reddit

And and a big dog

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mobyredit@reddit

Of course he does. He posts on Reddit!

Oh ..

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ZzDangerZonezZ@reddit

An adequately sized cylinder, possibly able to fit in an M&Ms tube

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oracledp@reddit

Maybe, is his name Justin?

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manga311@reddit

He is a redditor goes without saying.

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roughczech@reddit

What about all the people with blue balls now.... Definitely the least amount of people brought to some gratification....

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colonelangus68@reddit

Who the moderator??

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FiveFingeredKing@reddit

Nah, you got it wrong. He’s a huge dick

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boylong15@reddit

Micro penis

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Whats-Upvote@reddit

So small

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DentistMediocre67@reddit

An imaginary one at best

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SoNowYouTellMe101@reddit

If you wrote this, congratulations.

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cutslow@reddit

..... and I don't even have a penis."

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sith4life88@reddit

4232 likes and counting? I think you win!

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FrenchRiverBrewer@reddit

Angry upvote.

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no33limit@reddit

Fucked 0 women.

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Olderandolderagain@reddit

I’m the gynecologist op is talking about and this joke isn’t funny.

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Nacho_sky@reddit

Nothing funny about a doctor only making $800K

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feherdaniel2010@reddit

3 years of work at that salary would be enough to live the rest of your live in comfort where I live

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Krostas@reddit

Not with the amount of child support he's due.

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feherdaniel2010@reddit

touché

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808gecko808@reddit (OP)

touché

Touchy!

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VibraniumDragonborn@reddit

Heads up to most dudes who want to by a gyno, Most women going to a gyno are going because there's something going on down there. You don't just go to the doctor because you're healthy. Some people do, but lets be real... Most don't.

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Krostas@reddit

There are such things as checkup exams and I hear one reason women have a higher life expectancy is that they're generally taking them more seriously than men.

Also yuck that you can't even comprehend the concept of looking at a woman's genitalia professionally. Going by your logic, you're the kind of person a shrink would be horrified to treat, I guess?

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pigsflyfine@reddit

Why most of us prefer a woman gynecologist!

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i_wish_i_had_ur_name@reddit

ugh. rolled by the hawaii news account.

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808gecko808@reddit (OP)

ugh. rolled by the hawaii news account.

Can I get a low ha?!

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blobbybob111@reddit

It's beside the point, but why would a gynecologist want to sleep with his patients anyway? If they are seeing a gynecologist there is probably something wrong with their bits right?

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DavidGarner1964@reddit

Leaves radio blaring while pumping gas.

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ShodoDeka@reddit

Hmm, who is going to tell OP the gender stats on the Reddit user base

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denmur383@reddit

The best!! 😂

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Independent-Dealer21@reddit

So far he's got all 10 of us

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worldofworld@reddit

There are dozens of us.

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AdvancedCarpenter888@reddit

in fact, 495

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babayetuyetu@reddit

If you take away the bots, it's just you.

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Catsanddoges@reddit

Am I also a bot?

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Hello_D4rkn3ss@reddit

We all are, mate. Always have been.

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Blickhill17@reddit

DOZENS!

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itshorriblebeer@reddit

Sure - but sex with a redditor!

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icewalker42@reddit

I was number 1,500. He was good.

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usersnamesallused@reddit

He got me twice. I reddit again.

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Existing-Ad4609@reddit

Last guy must have been a lil dick swinger

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Sufficient-Citron127@reddit

Great joke! I actually laughed out loud at it. Take my upvote!!!

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the_harshit_j@reddit

According to the likes you still missed by 1500 people 😝

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LayThatPipe@reddit

Well done you cheeky bastard!

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HD-Thoreau-Walden@reddit

I’ve learned never to expect much of a punchline from Reddit jokes.

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Classic_Principle705@reddit

2879 and counting. But this is still below the doctor's 5000. Come on redditors, speed up!!

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Chemical-Marsupial92@reddit

Or the lil tiny human wearing Ford pissing on a Chevy symbol

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Chemical-Marsupial92@reddit

Bought not built

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Tashnav@reddit

Halfway there after 12 hours 😄

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supercman99@reddit

He’s in second place. Still not 5,000 votes

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palemoonxx@reddit

Can confirm 🤤🫦

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Apprehensive-Fox3004@reddit

That’s good

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NEGATIVE_CORPUS_ZERO@reddit

I appreciate it. 😂

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TC643@reddit

I was expecting the good ol’ “third guy sat quietly, stirring the coals from the fire with his penis”

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Ka-tet_de_Fibonacci@reddit

I'll give you an upvote, but it's an angry one.

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sphericaltime@reddit

I think the last line should just be:

Last guy says: I’m gay.

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noelboydofficial@reddit

Hahahaha!! Good one. Thanks for the laugh!

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signalcc@reddit

I had a lifted F-350 with a stereo system. Normal paint and interior. I don’t drive on people’s bumpers and have a normal sized penis. 6”. I just like lifted trucks. I do take it off road on occasion and bounce over railroad tracks cause it fun. No chrome, no blazing LED lights. What does that make me?

[-]

For about two days.

One day one of the trainee shot a look at me when I was talking… and then said “what did you say!?”

And I told him, “you know, I’ve been talking about pegging the last two days, and you are the first one to have that reaction. I mean… that says more about you than it does me.”

Ah, memories…

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Sanguinary_priest@reddit

Lame. Boooo...