Marriage sex
Posted by Edward101075@reddit | Jokes | View on Reddit | 36 comments
A young man is getting ready for his wedding with his dad’s help.
While dressing, the dad says, “So you’re OK on the sex thing, right, son?”
“Yeah, sure dad. It’s all cool.”
The dad continues, “So you’re familiar with the three stages of marital sex, are you?”
“The three what?! Whatever, Dad. I got it!”
“No, really,” says the dad. “There are three stages of marital sex.”
“Okay, Dad. I’ll bite. What’s the story?”
The dad says, “There’s honeymoon sex, holiday sex, and hallway sex. Honeymoon sex is what you would expect… You and your wife can’t get enough of each other… You’re constantly going at it! But, as life becomes busy with kids, careers, and bills, the holiday sex stage takes over. You really only have time to get intimate on special occasions. Then, finally, you reached the stage of hallway sex.”
“What’s that?” the son asks.
“Well, basically, that’s when you and your wife pass each other in the hallway and say ‘f*ck you.’”
overfiend1976@reddit
Let me do the joke in short form.
Marriage sex? No.
Durnovarian@reddit
"Marriage sex!"
"What do you mean, I don't get it?"
"Neither do I"
Frammalitzer@reddit
You know you’re getting old when your kids drive better cars, earn more money, and have more sex than you do….
Kind_Substance_2865@reddit
One of my kids is aro-ace, so I don’t think they’ll do it more than I do. The others, maybe.
pjdueck@reddit
What’s aro-ace?
textposts_only@reddit
Asexual and aromantic. His kid would rather eat garlic bread than have sex. Also doesn't want to be in a relationship
julex@reddit
What’s wrong with garlic bread?
RandofCarter@reddit
He's aromatic.
Agoras_song@reddit
Aliphatic all the way, sorry not sorry.
textposts_only@reddit
Nothing it's something the asexual teens go crazy for. It's like their mascot
Kind_Substance_2865@reddit
Wow! I didn’t know that, but my kid does like garlic bread.
IkariYun@reddit
I mean, I am pansexual. Eating bread does things to me
MolnTroll@reddit
Now if you were painsexual however, that'd be a different story.
Squid52@reddit
If they were french and painsexual, it would be back to the same thing
checker280@reddit
I read that as Panera-sexual and factory bread - yeah that checks out. That “fresh” stuff just hits differently
Mr_Style@reddit
Keeps you from getting BJs from vampires.
doughboy1001@reddit
This is my daughter. And funny you said garlic bread because she LOVES garlic bread.
xBris18@reddit
Well, the boomer generation made sure that the first two things will never happen 🫠
2ChicksShyOfA3Sum@reddit
No the boomer generation set a standard so high that apparently it is easier to complain about then strive to achieve.
cutcss@reddit
Well, in Alabama sometimes they have the exact same amount of sex...because reasons.
Indotex@reddit
A guy that’s been married for ten years and a friend of his that just recently got married are talking about their sex lives.
The guy that’s been for 10 years says that he and his wife have ABC sex. The other guy asks him what that is.
The guy responds, “You know, on our anniversary, birthdays & Christmas.”
Main_Radio63@reddit
Know why married men die before their wives do?
Because they want to.
searequired@reddit
Starts with a heart and a diamond. Could end with a club and a spade.
Frido1976@reddit
oooh, quite the card player, eh
matt_the_hat@reddit
The actual 3 stages of marital sex are:
Squid52@reddit
I like this one because it's more about aging than stereotypes about marriage
talbakaze@reddit
the best jokes are in the comments
mordecai98@reddit
The three rings of marriage:
Engagement ring, wedding ring, suffering.
Glum-Ad7761@reddit
Lets not forget about IRS sex…
jjjodele@reddit
We’re not happy unless you’re not happy…
Emily_JCO@reddit
Gotta with the three rings of marriage-
The engagement ring
The wedding ring
And the suffering
Adewemimo@reddit
Classic!
BelloBoss@reddit
There’s also court sex where they have their lawyer f*ck you
no-regrets-approach@reddit
Ahh the grand orgy...
ICanBard@reddit
Then there's the Alabama stage, where your offspring has sex.
Boot_Effective@reddit
You forgot to show yourself out.