Pirate walks into a bar. Bartender says, "Hey Captain, long time no see. But I gotta tell you, you're not looking too good. " Captain says, "What do you mean? I feel great! Never better!" Bartender says, "Well, last time you're here, you didn't have that wooden peg where your leg used to be." Captain says, "No big deal. Swapped cannon fire with another ship, and a cannonball took my leg clean off. Doc put on the peg and it's as good as new." Bartender says, "Well, last time you were in here, you didn't have that hook where your hand used to be. " Captain says, "No big deal. Boarding a ship and got into a sword fight. Guy took his saber and lopped my hand clean off, but the doc put on the hook, and it works great." Bartender says, "Well, last time in, you didn't have that patch over your eye. " Captain says, "No big deal. We were sailing along on a beautiful day, not a cloud in the sky. Looked up at a flock of seagulls overhead, and one of them pooped right in my eye. " Bartender says, "And that put your eye out?!" Captain responds, "Well, no. But it was me first day with the hook!"