Won't somebody please think of the SQL server!

Posted by IT_VI@reddit | talesfromtechsupport | View on Reddit | 41 comments

Context: Conversation with a hardware technician about an error on our software related to our local webpage. Our software won't install unless there is a SQL database it connects to. It will not run if there is not a database. In this case, the webpage and SQL are not related. The hardware techs don't work with this part of the software often.

Me: Looks like you're having problems with webpage access. Did the customer apply the correct permissions on the web server? That frequently gets missed during implementations.

Engineer: I don't know, but look, their SQL server doesn't have anything on the desktop!

Me: ...Okay? SQL doesn't need anything on the desktop. That's normal. That's an entirely different server than the web server. So have they applied webpage permissions?

E: I don't think SQL is running.

Me: Our software literally can't install or run without SQL. It's fine. As long as SQL is installed, it's running. There is no "window" or "software" that has to be up. It's a back-end process. Now, the webpage permissions...?

E: How can I see if SQL is installed?

Me: -sigh- Check add/remove programs or the start menu.

E: It only has [sends screenshot of five different SQL tools that indicates that SQL is installed] but no "SQL" program.

Me: That is SQL. SQL is installed. It is running. We literally wouldn't be able to install and run the software and see the webpage error if SQL wasn't there.

E: Ok

Me: So, do they have the correct permissions set for the webpage?

E: They have SQL 2019 installed, is that a problem?

Me: -heavy sigh- That's literally the recommended version we support. Please log off of the SQL server. We don't need to be on it.

E: Ok

Me: Please, just tell me, has the customer applied permissions to the webpage?

E: I don't know, I'll ask.

This took over 40mins of back and forth and I still don't know if they've applied permissions yet 🫠

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XkF21WNJ@reddit

My most frustrating hours are spent using someone else as a phone or keyboard.

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ki6cqe@reddit

I was actually a professional eyes/hands for remote installations in the '80's.

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Salavora_M@reddit

Gods yes!

Me: Ok, when you click ok, a popup should appear. We need the ID...

They: Oh, I closed that, because it was a popup, is it important?

Me: Please tell me, what buttons you see below the line for the address. It is at the bottom of the page.

They: Uhm... I see a field for name that has "please enter your full name here" in it and...

or a similar but even more frustrating one:

Me: Please tell me, what buttons you see below the line for the address. It is at the bottom of the page.

They: Send

Me: Only "send"? There should be at least two more as well?

They: and "Save"

Me: Hm... that is good so far, but when "Save" is displayed, you also should have "Save to..." as a button and....

They *interrupts* yes.

Me: So you have "Send", "Save" and "Save to". Any others? Can you please simply tell me all the buttons you see

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NewUserWhoDisAgain@reddit

Ah the classic. "What do you see in the top right?"

"Nothing."

"You see...Nothing?"

"Yeah."

"So your screen is black?"

"No."

"... Okay so what is in the top right?"

"If you are reading this please report to IT Administrator "

OH. SO THERE IS SOMETHING THERE THEN.

"Thank you."

DECLARE @Sql NVARCHAR(500) DECLARE @Cursor CURSOR SET @Cursor = CURSOR FAST_FORWARD FOR SELECT DISTINCT sql = 'ALTER TABLE [' + tc2.TABLE_SCHEMA + '].[' + tc2.TABLE_NAME + '] DROP [' + rc1.CONSTRAINT_NAME + '];' FROM INFORMATION_SCHEMA.REFERENTIAL_CONSTRAINTS rc1 LEFT JOIN INFORMATION_SCHEMA.TABLE_CONSTRAINTS tc2 ON tc2.CONSTRAINT_NAME =rc1.CONSTRAINT_NAME OPEN @Cursor FETCH NEXT FROM @Cursor INTO @Sql WHILE (@@FETCH_STATUS = 0) BEGIN Exec sp_executesql @Sql FETCH NEXT FROM @Cursor INTO @Sql END CLOSE @Cursor DEALLOCATE @Cursor GO EXEC sp_MSforeachtable 'DROP TABLE ?' GO

Me: So, do they have the correct permissions set for the webpage?
Me: Please, just tell me, has the customer applied permissions to the webpage?

me with coworkers when they ask for help on something I know very clearly(that is why they are asking me for help.)

Them: "This comes up."

Me: "Ah yeah, this is how you fix it, ask the user for and put it in "

Them: "How do I fix it?"

Me: "... Scroll up?"

Them: "It still says "

Me: "... Did you ask the user for "

Them: "I asked them for "

Me: "Not what I said. Ask them for the "

Them: ""

Me: "Not what I asked for. and put it "

Them: "Okay."

Me, 5 minutes later, "Did you fix the error?"

Them: "No."

Me: "why... not?"

Them: "It gave me ."

Me: "ask the user for and put it in "

Them: "The user is asking why its taking so long?"

Them: "What should I do?"

Them: "Should I ask the user for "

Them: "Oh. It works now. I asked the user for and put it in ."

Turned a 5 minute chat fix into a 30 minute fight + 15 minute phone call.

Stryker_One@reddit

Ever wonder if Tazer over VoIP was a thing if it would help move things along?

CaptainZippi@reddit

No, but at least we could have a short break while they recover….

iwasthefirstfish@reddit

One day I will not have the patience for this, will say it twice, and then just stay silent on the phone, hang up, and send an email with 'contact me by email once you have asked the user for and put it and screenshotted the result, and included the result in the email you want to send me. Look forward to seeing the result, thanks, X'

One day

Old-Class-1259@reddit

Had something similar with 3rd party support. After nearly a month my mask fell and I went full "in your email on this date you wrote ABC and in answer to this on this date I said XYZ, and on this date..."

They finally got it and agreed to next steps. "Could we get the contact details for someone on site?"

"Certainly, you will find it in my email to you on the date.."

IT_VI@reddit (OP)

The day you do, it'll be the one day where it's not actually that fixes it, but actually instead, I guarantee it.

The curse of tech support

Yeah, it's always what you expect except when it isn't.

I think the oddest recently was a fix for no mic/occasional mic in MS teams that required me to install a W10 sound driver, because the end user swore black was white that the issue only occured after the machine went to W11 and has never been right since.

So I ignored sound advice and actually did what the user asked for and...it worked. Which is just annoying.

androshalforc1@reddit

See there’s the problem you asked for [right thing] and they provided all the possible [wrong thing]s first. Therefore if you ask for [wrong thing] first, they will give you [right thing] by accident.

NDaveT@reddit

There's a scene in Monty Python and the Holy Grail that's a lot like this.

BitScout@reddit

Ah, the guards scene 🤣

This is so relatable, it hurts loi. I'm both relieved and dismayed that this is such a common occurrence

FlorianTheLynx@reddit

This is like trying to help my dad.

“Click the button that says OK.”

“There’s one that says Cancel. Shall I click that?”

“No. Look further left. The button that says OK.”

“I’ve clicked the one that says Cancel.”

KelemvorSparkyfox@reddit

I had this once when trying to train a user.

"Now, during this bit, a dialogue box with 'CANCEL' will appear. Don't click it; just ignore."

*The box appears*

"So I click 'CANCEL'?"

"NO!"

Shinhan@reddit

That's how you get reported to HR :(

What is how you get reported to HR?

(Also, this was for Payroll, who sat within HR. So any reporting would have happened really fast.)

asad137@reddit

Has cancel culture gone too far??!?

henke37@reddit

Time for remedial training!

REMEDIATION!

harrywwc@reddit

with a 'clue-by-four'

I was thinking more along the lines of remediation as described by Sunmaster-18.

lunarteamagic@reddit

I work for a small very niche software company. I do support for our product, which also uses SQL and other scary things like permissions. The head of IT for one of our clients can never ever ever remember this. She also will never allow another person to set up new employees.

I just sometimes wonder how some of these fine folks keep their jobs. I will say, this job cured my imposter syndrome...

It's how my first line manager at a previous job kept his...

ManosVanBoom@reddit

I kinda miss Lotus Notes

I definitely miss it. There were so many things that it just did better as an email client, and there were so many more things besides. Hell, it was even easier to integrate with other Office applications than Outlook!

AshBird_@reddit

you should have told them to check the services running .. and lo and behold : the sql server

Realistic-Muffin-165@reddit

As a former DBA that's what I'd have done 1st if I was talking someone through it

Mundane-Aside5077@reddit

E: You mentioned permissions, but I don’t seem to have the correct SQL permissions to see the config. Should I uninstall and reinstall SQL?

AngryCod@reddit

https://www.reddit.com/r/iiiiiiitttttttttttt/comments/1s38h2y/i_rolled_back_a_domain_controller_and_i_dont_know/

Dakduif@reddit

Hoooo, that was a wild ride. Poor guy.

Technical-Worker7334@reddit

Oh good Lord. Some people should never be able to touch or even see software

New_Crow3284@reddit

Me: I.hear your concerns about the SQL software. I hear concern and willingness to help me by thinking. I appreciate that. I wonder how you feel now. What are your feelings and what needs do you have now?

OldGeekWeirdo@reddit

Open a command prompt

SQLCMD

> Select @@Version

> GO

"The response indicates that SQL is running, it just answered a query, and now you know it's version. Now, can we check the permissions please?"

Sk1rm1sh@reddit

E: So I ran this and now there's a different error

Loading_M_@reddit

This is why I prefer Sqlite for my projects. The SQL "server" is embedded in the application, so they only have one thing to deal with. It also make installation and setup much easier, since the user doesn't need know or understand anything about SQL.

mrrichiet@reddit

Let us know how it goes. Just because you can see some "SQL" apps in the start menu, it doesn't mean the SQL Service service is running. I don't understand how it works with your web app though so this could be by the by.

nian2326076@reddit

It sounds like you need to make sure the SQL server is set up right and your software can access it. Check if the SQL server is running and has the right permissions. Make sure the database is configured correctly and that the connection strings in your app are set up right. If the server is empty or missing tables, that could be an issue too. Get someone familiar with the software's database requirements to review the server setup. If you're preparing for interviews or need more tech info, resources like PracHub can be useful.

Wooden_Researcher_36@reddit

This is the dumbest AI spam I've seen in a while.