A man is drafted by the Army. He arrives late and is last in line to get a gun. When he gets to the Ordnance officer there are no more guns. "Don't worry" says the officer "Take this stick and point it at the enemy and say 'Bangity, bang, bang, bang!' Perplexed, and quite apprehensive, he takes the stick and gets in line for a knife. Last in line again, when he gets to the front there are no more knives. "Don't worry" says the officer "Take this rag and use it to attack the enemy while yelling 'Stabity, stab, stab, stab!' Now, incredibly nervous, he is sent to the front lines. As soon as he jumps out of the transport truck he is in the middle of a huge battle. Not wanting to die without at least trying to fight the enemy, he raises the stick and starts screaming "Bangity, bang, bang, bang!" over and over again. To his surprise, enemy soldiers start dropping dead of apparent gun shot wounds! Suddenly, an enemy soldier surprises him with a hard tackle, and his stick is sent flying. Grabbing his rag, he begins to make stabbing motions with it while yelling "Stabity, stab, stab, stab!" The enemy soldiers eyes roll back in his head as he dies of apparent knife wounds! Retrieving his stick he sets out into the fray killing scores of enemy soldiers. Hours later, as exhaustion settles in, he comes upon a massive enemy soldier with his back turned away from him. He raises his stick and screams "Bangity, bang, bang, bang!", but nothing happens! He screams it again and again, but still nothing happens. The enemy soldier must have heard him, but remains with his back turned.Finally, thinking maybe the stick has run out of ammo, he grabs the rag and charges the enemy. But, just as he reaches him, the enemy soldier turns around, raises a leg and brings it down in a violent stomping move. The last thing he hears before becoming a pile of pulped human remains is the enemy soldier yelling "Tankity, tank, tank, tank!"