A normal guy meets his new, attractive female neighbor for the first time
Posted by Little_Somerled@reddit | Jokes | View on Reddit | 48 comments
Neighbor: Hi, I am new here! I'd love to party, drink and fuck tonight, you got time?
Guy: Yeah sure, I've got time!
Neighbor: Great! Then you can watch my dog while I am out.
raspwar@reddit
Guy and woman meet in a bar, have a few drinks and are getting along well
Finally the guy says do you like to get kinky, the woman says hell yeah! Let’s go back to to my place
They get to her apartment and she says give a minute to get prepared
She walks out of the bedroom later with leather lingerie and nipple clips and whips just as the guy is walking out her door
She says hey I thought we were gonna get kinky!
Guy says well, I fucked your dog and shit in your purse, I’m outta here!
EruditeLegume@reddit
...and your hamster's up my arse...
Captain_Starkiller@reddit
Stand up for yourself. "Oh, I'd love to take you on a date, but I'm afraid I don't have time to watch your dog. Have fun!"
researchchemsupplies@reddit
House, circa 1985 already did this joke. But better.
Little_Somerled@reddit (OP)
Do you have a source? I would like to read the older version. What I wrote is a translation and slight rephrase of an Dutch joke I once heard in the 1990's.
researchchemsupplies@reddit
Haha, well the source is the 1985 movie titled House, starring William Katt (from The Greatest American Hero series).
In the movie, he moves into the house that his Aunt passed to him. He meets his sexy new neighbor (in her swimsuit, no less), and tells her he has to get back to work. She says, "that's okay. I can tell when a man wants to work. And when he wants to play."
Later, there's a knock at the door. It's the sexy neighbor. She says, "Hi, ready to play?" But then he looks down and she has her little boy with her. She says, "this is my son, and he really loves to play." And she winds up dumping her son on him to babysit, while she goes out on a date.
You can watch the movie on Tubi right now. It's actually pretty good (for an 80's comedy/horror).
isnotrandy@reddit
Also good is the sequel, House 2: The Second Story
AutoModerator@reddit
/u/researchchemsupplies has unlocked an opportunity for education!
Abbreviated date-ranges like "’90s" are contractions, so the apostrophe goes before the numbers.
You can also completely omit the apostrophe if you want: "The 90s were a bit weird."
Numeric date-ranges like 1890s are treated like standard nouns, so they shouldn't include apostrophes.
To show possession, the apostrophe should go after the S: "That was the ’90s’ best invention."
The apostrophe should only precede the S if a specific year is being discussed: "It was 1990's hottest month."
TL;DR: When writing dates, apostrophes do not pluralize!
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ballrus_walsack@reddit
Good bot
Little_Somerled@reddit (OP)
Haha, thanks!
AutoModerator@reddit
/u/Little_Somerled has unlocked an opportunity for education!
Abbreviated date-ranges like "’90s" are contractions, so the apostrophe goes before the numbers.
You can also completely omit the apostrophe if you want: "The 90s were a bit weird."
Numeric date-ranges like 1890s are treated like standard nouns, so they shouldn't include apostrophes.
To show possession, the apostrophe should go after the S: "That was the ’90s’ best invention."
The apostrophe should only precede the S if a specific year is being discussed: "It was 1990's hottest month."
TL;DR: When writing dates, apostrophes do not pluralize!
I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.
Little_Somerled@reddit (OP)
Thanks bot
RecalcitrantHuman@reddit
Hillbilly neighbor comes to the cabin of a new arrival.
“Gonna have a party tonight. There’ll be lots of fucking and fighting”
“Great. What should bring?”
“Whatever. Just gonna be the two of us.”
Little_Somerled@reddit (OP)
Yeah, I know that joke but then slightly different from a movie I saw decades ago. It went somewhat like this:
A young homesteader decides to start his farm in a nice looking valley. After a week of building his farmhouse and a barn he sits in his camp at night when a huge looking, hairy mountain man dressed in bearskin enters his camp. "Howdy new neighbor", he says. "Good to see someone new in this valley, perhaps you would also like to come to the party I am giving tomorrow evening?"
The young farmer greets him in return and asks what kind of party it is, upon which the Mountain man says: "Well, first there's going to be a lot of drinking, then there will be hard fighting and finally there will be wild sex all night!". Eager the young farmer responds: "Wow, that sure sounds like a hell of a party! Who will be there?" Upon which the Mountain man replies: "Only you and me boy, only you and me"
vanhope@reddit
It was in Mad Men, also
eleite@reddit
Hah I think I saw it worded that way in a Playboy from the 90s
agreeswithfishpal@reddit
I like this ending better: ''Sounds like a good time, what time should I show up?"
"Don't matter, it's just gonna be the two of us."
Buhos_En_Pantelones@reddit
This is a much shorter version than how I tell it.
Menelatency@reddit
This violent version should come with a trigger warning.
Wet_Side_Down@reddit
Sad trombones…
Major-King-3737@reddit
Whaaa waaa waaa waaaaaaaa. 😂😂😂
Cheeto-dust@reddit
I am upvoting you for saying "Whaaa waaa..." instead of "womp womp."
KnowBearFeet@reddit
Also rusty
Bounceupandown@reddit
Followed by a weak rim shot. ba dum sss.
ZoonZz@reddit
This is just sad. A joke should not be sad.
Guy: no, I don't want to sit with your dog. How about we make love, I'll get someone to check on your dog, we go party, drink and make love again. Neighbour: making love twice sounds lovely! Let's go!
Not sure if it's a joke, but at least I tried to fix it
Mikros04@reddit
It's kind of like if the joke were told as a Hallmark movie
Little_Somerled@reddit (OP)
Well, the joke is gone, but it has the happy ending!
Rohml@reddit
I laughed since I misread the punchline as
"Can you watch me and my dog go at it?"
01kickassius10@reddit
That’s ruff
Private-Key-Swap@reddit
at least his hot neighbour didn't turn into the moon
nosomthin@reddit
I met my next door neighbor when she was in the front yard trimming her bush. I asked if I could help...
Brrringsaythealiens@reddit
I really like to trim my bush in the front yard. But the neighbors keep calling the cops on me.
Business_Grand4513@reddit
Why don’t both you and your dog come by for a party?
bykerg@reddit
My dog doesn’t party or drink
Brrringsaythealiens@reddit
Lucky you, my dog is a damn alcoholic.
R08zilla@reddit
The dog does it Human Style. Its her favorite
R08zilla@reddit
The dog does it Human Style. Its her favorite
Ronnie-1549@reddit
Should have seen that coming 🥀
secretprocess@reddit
A normal guy meets his new, burly male neighbor for the first time.
Neighbor: Hey there, I wanted to invite you to my party tonight, you free?
Guy: Well yes I am, sounds fun, thanks!
Neighbor: You're cool with booze right? Cause there's gonna be some drinkin'
Guy: Oh of course, I like a good drink myself
Neighbor: Okay good. Oh, and just to warn you, things get rowdy sometimes, and there might be some fightin'
Guy: Hmm alright, well I'll try to hang in there haha.
Neighbor: Great... well and one more thing.. there might even be some fucking going on.
Guy: Goddamn, you know how to party don't you. Well, in the neighborly spirit, I am in. What time should I come by?
Neighbor: Whenever you want, it's just gonna be you and me!
Menelatency@reddit
This violent version should come with a trigger warning.
Little_Somerled@reddit (OP)
As I just replied on a previous post (our posts must have crossed). I heard the same joke told something like this:
In the late 19th century a young homesteader decides to start his farm in a nice looking valley. After a week of building his farmhouse and a barn he sits in his camp at night when a huge looking, hairy mountain man dressed in bearskin enters his camp. "Howdy new neighbor", he says. "Good to see someone new in this valley! Perhaps you would also like to come to the party I am giving tomorrow evening?"
The young farmer greets him in return and asks what kind of party it is, upon which the Mountain man says: "Well, first there's going to be a lot of drinking, then there will be a time of hard fighting and finally there will be wild sex all night!". Eager the young farmer responds: "Wow, that sure sounds like a hell of a party! Who will be there?" Upon which the Mountain man replies: "Only you and me boy, only you and me"
Nervous_Strain9082@reddit
Talk about disappointment……
AcrossThePacific@reddit
That’s the plot of My Boss’s Daughter. Funny as hell.
BadBassist@reddit
My hot lesbian neighbours got me a rolex for Christmas. I'm very grateful, but it's not what I meant by 'I wanna watch'
Little_Somerled@reddit (OP)
LOL, that's a good one
smoothbrainOP@reddit
they ask you how you are, and you just have to say that you're fine, when you're not really fine, but you just can't get into it because they would never understand
Waitsfornoone@reddit
Plus she made over a grand that night.
Better start charging for that dog sitting.
jolyna21@reddit
Sorry I am allergic to dogs hair!