The state trooper sees the back of my vehicle, and couldn't help but ask what I do for a living.

I said, "Sir, I'm a professional asshole stretcher."

He looks at me, goes "That can't be real, what do you mean? Tell me what do you really do."

I reply, "No, sir, really, I'm a professional asshole stretcher. It's 2025, pays really well"

He says "Okay, if you're serious, tell me how that works, what do you do at work."

In all seriousness I look at him, I say "Well I pick up a slab of ass, have to start with my pinky. Work in the other pinky until eventually I got 8 fingers in there. Then I work my fists in and get it nice and stretched. I widen it out get it really worked until it's getting more elbow length. Then I get it about stretched by stepping in it and really working it. Eventually I've got it stretched up to my waist and then my shoulders. Until eventually I get it stretched out to about 6 foot and then that's about it, it's done."

State trooper looking a little puzzled, looks back at me and says, "Okay, so, what do you do with a 6 foot asshole?"

I reply, "Well usually we give them a hat, a badge, and a gun."