I told my boss I needed a raise because three companies were after me

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donnygel@reddit

My gas company was that impressed with my account they even sent me a letter telling me it is outstanding.

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Odd_Tea_2100@reddit

I get a lot of comments about my gas, too.

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DiverseVoltron@reddit

My wife's gas was so bad the other night I got up to make sure our toddler didn't shit the bed.

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jinxIynx@reddit

It's ALL gaslighting.

But don't light either gas.

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whydya-dodat@reddit

I suppose you’re too perfect to have scorch marks on any of YOUR pants. That’s not how the rest of us recall it.

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akaHastaSiempre@reddit

Yeah, you can file that under Holocaust jokes

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Ok-Assistance9831@reddit

As did the Electric company, who informed me to keep my account CURRENT!

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leftcoast-usa@reddit

Someone sent me a letter saying I was outstanding in my field, but I didn't get it; I was out standing in my field.

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Tasty_Leading8684@reddit

Yes.

Raise one - the one he suggested to boss because of companies being after him.

Raise two - the one suggested by wife because of his creativity

But he hasn't received any so he is still waiting for both.

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DoFr56@reddit

This guy is pretty bright. Even his own mother calls him sun!

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chickenfeeder41@reddit

Am I too perverted to think that he was waiting for a raise from his both and another from his boss’ wife who paid him for doing something for her?

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I THINK the intention with that is that they’re still waiting for BOTH RAISES…the first raise being the one they originally asked for (because three companies are after them) and the second being a raise for creativity (which the boss’s wife suggested).

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LovesLaboursLostToss@reddit

Is this where we say, “I too get a raise from the wife” ?

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Rusted_muramasa@reddit

I also choose to get a raise from this guy's wife.

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envoy_ace@reddit

Still got the magic. Good for you.

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Column_A_Column_B@reddit

I thought it was maybe the raise and the laugh he didn't get.

Your interpretation is funnier (and probably correct).

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UrricainesArdlyAppen@reddit

The other companies are giving him a raise.

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Coogcheese@reddit

Here for what the other thing is.

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The_Big_Hammer@reddit

The Raise, and the Laugh from his boss.

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discofunkbunny@reddit

Still waiting for the first raise request and the raise for creativity.

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EJoule@reddit

Raise and wife

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LogicalBoot6352@reddit

I don't have the energy for this.

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ruok_squad@reddit

I don't get this, is there another meaning to water bill?

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keijodputt@reddit

Yeah, it's watered down already.

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Jinx2u@reddit

I told my boss "id like to get paid what I'm worth." He replied," I'd like to pay you what you're worth, but unfortunately their is a minimum wage in this state."

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Impossible_Ad_7367@reddit

My friend wants to understand this joke, but he doesn't get it. Would someone explain it please?

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Pony13@reddit

Having a company “after you” in a workplace context means they’re looking to hire you, I think. But if the gas company, electric company, or power company are after you, it’s most likely because you have an unpaid bill.

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Impossible_Ad_7367@reddit

My friend told me to tell you thank you.

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KingSpork@reddit

Yeah my friend got that part, it was the punchline “waiting for both” and the bit about the wife that baffled me, I mean him.

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SirEnzyme@reddit

The guy's waiting on the initial raise he asked for, as well as the raise for creativity.

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Deadwoodhooplehead@reddit

Asking for a friend. Yeah right.

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Etheo@reddit

They're not lying, I have the same friend.

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32lib@reddit

His friend lives in Canada and you wouldn't know him.

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Deadwoodhooplehead@reddit

Tell him his boss was shocked and fuming. Then he realized he was all wet.

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Hook-n-Can@reddit

Friend? BEGONE CLANKER.

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IkariYun@reddit

Clank on, banger

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forbinwasright@reddit

The first part about the companies chasing after him ( overdue bills) is the joke. That part goes waaay back in the joke archives. The part about the wife is added filler and can be ignored ( unless you also add something like, " Yeah, that's what she said to me too."

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bbcard1@reddit

My friend couldn't afford his water bill. I sent him a get well soon card.

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sgt_oddball_17@reddit

I really dig that.

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LiJiTC4@reddit

I got a raise with a joke once.

Told my boss that of any business wants to keep people, they need to pay the going rate.

Not the market rate, the rate to keep them from going down the street.

That joke got me a 10% raise because he realized I wasn't getting paid the going rate at the time

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callmeish0@reddit

What’s the difference between going rate and market rate

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LiJiTC4@reddit

That is almost exactly the setup line I used when I made the joke.

Think it was Q: "With staffing, there's the market rate and the going rate: you know the difference between the market rate and the going rate?"

A: "Market rate is what it takes to replace someone with an average candidate. Going rate is what it takes to keep a good person from going somewhere else."

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