Stalin watches a movie....
Posted by James_lee_0224@reddit | Jokes | View on Reddit | 54 comments
Stalin once watched a comedy film with his aides and advisers.
Although he laughed very much during the film, he frowned when it ended and said,
"The movie was very good, but the comedian's mustache is too similar to my own.
I want the KGB to arrest and shoot the scoundrel first thing next morning!"
Amidst the rather heavy silence that followed, Molotov asked timidly,
"Comrade Stalin, surely it would be better to just have him shave his mustache?"
Stalin chuckled and said, "Good idea, Molotov! Make sure to have the KGB shave his mustache before they shoot him."
Omeganian@reddit
There is a real story that once he was shown some new movie about a train ride. The movie wasn't really something, so suddenly, during one of the stops, he asks "What station is that?" The producer doesn't really remember, so he says randomly "Omsk". "Good," says Stalin. "That's my station,"
And walks out.
Woody_L@reddit
I didn't understand this.
Upbeat_Job_4294@reddit
He was bored. The answer to the name of the station doesn’t matter. “This is my stop/station” is a way to say you’re getting off the train/bus. But if you’re not on a bus/train, it just means ‘that’s my cue to leave’.
Woody_L@reddit
Your explanation makes it sound like Stalin was quite witty. I can't find any online reference to this anecdote, though, if it's really a true story
FloydATC@reddit
He may have been a great cook or guitar player for all we know, but when you're personally responsible for the deaths of tens of millions of your own people, then that's probably going to be the one trait people remember.
TheRoundNinja@reddit
How is he personally responsible for that many deaths?
Friendly-Balance-853@reddit
I'm not a history major, but have a look at this article: Stalin
TheRoundNinja@reddit
Not very well sourced, the 1930s famine is not considered a genocide by most serious scholars at this time as there are no trustworthy primary sources that evidence this conclusion. The first break of the story was proven in court to be a fabrication that was then spread by the Hurst news network to discredit communism and collectivist policy. While the famine obviously did occur and was one of the worst famines that took place in this period it must also be taken into account that in resistance to collectivisation wealthier landowners burned crops and killed livestock worsening the famine.
And obviously it is a case of too little too late really but its worth noting that post collectivisation there were no more famines in an area that had historically been plagued by them.
In terms of the Gulags again primary sources show that most incarceration was legitimate and in fact the incarceration rates were lower than the US
mgraunk@reddit
You fuck one goat...
Weird-Flounder-3416@reddit
I bet he was witty. I also bet he didn't care about anyone's feelings and he would walk out of a movie without pretending he's not bored. Eventually berating / punishing the movie guy on his way out.
Deedogg11@reddit
One day Stalin decides to go to the cinema in disguise and hear what people are really saying about him.
When the newsreel comes on the audience stands up and applauds each time he appears on the screen. Stalin is pleased. Modestly, he himself remains seated. After a few moments the man next to him leans over and whispers “Most people feel the same way you do Comrade, but you’ll be safer if you stand up.”
minun73@reddit
Sorry, I know this is a joke but did people actually watch the news in cinemas at that time?
starchild812@reddit
People usually didn’t go to the cinema specifically to watch the news, but there would often be a short newsreel played before a feature film.
Ishpeming_Native@reddit
Can confirm. That's what we did before TV. And the newsreel was not always short, because we liked to see the news and our President Truman.
No, I am not kidding. And yes, I am that old. Damn, Truman could walk fast! And he'd wear the newsmen right down, too!
James_lee_0224@reddit (OP)
Heard that one as Kim Jung un who was sitting in that cinema...guess this one is the original
BLINDrOBOTFILMS@reddit
Actually, the original has Caligula sitting in the cinema. It's a very old joke.
OldBob10@reddit
Nah, that’s just the Roman version. The *original* version was about Hammurabi at the cinema.
piper63-c137@reddit
Gilgamesh!
jdh2080@reddit
You know, I have a fwiend in Wome.
Bulky-Internal8579@reddit
Tell Biggus Dicketh I said Hey!
OldBob10@reddit
He has a wife, you know!
thedrunksoul@reddit
I'm pretty sure that's what Abel said about Cain.
chenz1989@reddit
I have actually been in Nkorea to watch a parade/celebration before. They actually do this. The stand up and clap thing. It's not an exaggeration at all
313078@reddit
Not many still alive to recount the original story ...
pacific_squirrel@reddit
Jokes aside, when Stalin died, people were crying on the street because they were afraid not to.
TheRoundNinja@reddit
Got a source on that one?
pacific_squirrel@reddit
My parents. I was born five years later in Leningrad.
TheRoundNinja@reddit
What a tale, they were worried officers were out to inspect not just every person's tear count, but that they were doing it publicly at the same time that they were coming through town as well?
pacific_squirrel@reddit
That kind of government puts a lot of effort in controlling the population in every aspect of life. There aren't that many people moving from town to town. You registered where you live and if you want to move you have to ask permission and explain why you are moving. It's not the same now but everything in current Russia is done for domestic reasons. The government does not care what kind of reputation they have abroad. Their mission is to stay in power by any means . Most people have no idea how many soldiers died in the war with Ukraine.
pacific_squirrel@reddit
People were encouraged to snitch on neighbors, teachers on students , coworkers on each other... One did not know who was watching whom. When Stalin passed they did not know if it was true or who would be taking over. People literally were shaking in fear. I was a teenager when I left and I was given incentives to stay and leave my family or provide any information that would be damaging to others. When I refused they threatened me with an admission to a psych ward. I was sixteen in front of a committee of eight experienced adults. After that nothing could ever scare me. I was free of common fear or anxiety. I am 67 now .
TheRoundNinja@reddit
And they believed that if their neighbour were to have told somebody that they were insufficiently mourning they'd be imprisoned?
Of course your detainment is horrible and I am sorry to hear of the difficulties you faced in your younger years
Though poor psychiatric practice was not unique to the USSR.
pacific_squirrel@reddit
It was not. In most countries with a totalitarian regime the psychiatric services and occasionally medical services are often used as an arm of a law enforcement.
Waitsfornoone@reddit
Three men enter a bar in the USSR. One says, "Why did Stalin only write in lowercase?"
The other one says, "Because he was afraid of capitalism."
The whole bar died laughing.
rickmurtaugh@reddit
Except the man that refused to laugh. KGB let him live
krmarci@reddit
r/yourjokebutworse
Movisiozo@reddit
There were three men?
313078@reddit
The first one was shot for laughing. The second was shot for not laughing. The third was shot for being hesitant
johnp299@reddit
"......SPLUNGE!!!"
ThePowerOfStories@reddit
The third one was the political officer who informed on them.
donthateonspiders@reddit
there are four lights!
forbinwasright@reddit
But did they make him shave his mustache?
AgitatedText@reddit
Stalin loses his pipe and tells an NKVD officer to locate it for him.
Three days later, Stalin finds his pipe under a sofa. He calls the officer to tell him that he can call off the search.
Upon telling him the news, the officer said: "But that's impossible! Three people have already confessed to stealing the pipe!"
GhostOfTimBrewster@reddit
Fun fact: The KGB started a year after Stalin’s death.
OldBob10@reddit
The names may change but the security apparatus remains the same.
animosityiskey@reddit
My understanding is that they initially renamed the Czars secret police. The whole of the USSR just never really got around to getting rid of most the stuff that led to people wanting to overthrow the Government.
LordCouchCat@reddit
Yes it's gone through a whole series of names. The original was the Cheka and the word "Chekist" remained in use for a long time after.
Secret police and spies have a curious tendency to keep changing official names while sticking unofficially to old ones. In Britain MI5 and MI6 haven't been MI5 and MI6 for a long time.
TheDogFacedGremlin@reddit
Yeah, and now that the KGB is gone people just throw themselves out of windows now.
TreebeardsMustache@reddit
Not the KGB. The KGB didn't exist until after Stalin died.
It was, first, NKVD, the commisariat for internal security then MGB, the ministry for state security.
Beria ran the NKVD in the 40's and then consolidated a lot of power into the ministry. After Stalin died, in the ensuing power struggle, Beria was executed and the ministry broken into smaller pieces. One of which was the KGB
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florinandrei@reddit
I think he would have said: Good idea, Vyacheslav Mikhaylovich!
IEVTAM@reddit
He probably would have used the diminutive Slava
florinandrei@reddit
Yeah, I can see that.
erikole211@reddit
He probably wouldn't have answered in English.
OrangeDit@reddit
I thought they went and arrested Hitler instead of Chaplin. 😀