Experiment Gone Wrong
Posted by aham_kunal@reddit | Jokes | View on Reddit | 106 comments
Scientists took out the left half of a man's brain and asked him to count to 10.
He says : 2,4,6,8,10
They put the left half back in and removed the right half, asking him to count to 10 again.
He says : 1,3,5,7,9
Finally they decided to just go for it and removed the whole brain, they again asked him to count to 10 one more time.
He says : "Look. I'm really good at counting to 10, ok? I love numbers and I have the best numbers. No one has better numbers than I do. My 4th grade math teacher, and let me tell you, she was the best and SMARTEST math teacher in the country at the time, my 4th grade math teacher said to me that I am the BEST counter she has ever seen. The best. So if you want me to count to 10, let me tell you, I can count to 10 alright? That's no problem, I will do it. I will and I will do it better than any person has ever done it before."
AdelleDeWitt@reddit
Big teacher, strong teacher, tears in her eyes...
Iwubwatermelon@reddit
I like how everyone knows who this is. This is the best part of the joke, he's a punchline.
Zealousideal_Guava22@reddit
Yh and now he's the president of the USA lol
NickRomancer@reddit
A colonel is undergoing brain surgery. To perform the operation, the surgeon cuts off the top of the skull and moves the brain onto the operating table.
The colonel's adjutant runs into the operating theatre and shouts, "Colonel, Sir! An order has just arrived promoting you to the rank of general!"
The colonel (now a general) quickly gets out of bed, puts his skull top back on and starts to leave.
The surprised surgeon points to the brain lying on the table and asks, "Where are you going? What about the brain?"
"I don't need it anymore", the general replies.
PhillyFotan@reddit
I rarely find much humor in the state of the world today. This time, I did. Kudos.
Make_the_music_stop@reddit
Right now my brain is like a web browser. I've got 21 tabs open. 5 of them have crashed and I can't work out where the music is coming from.
botomana@reddit
Mr. President, is that you? 🤣
Tv2n75VgmTQ@reddit
"I went to an Ivy League school, I'm very highly educated. I know words. I have the best words"
mediocreisok@reddit
This joke is from before when the browsers started displaying a sign on the tabs where the sound is coming from.
DismalScientis@reddit
Thank you for that information. The next time it happens I won’t have to do a Control Alt Delete.
Make_the_music_stop@reddit
I'm still on XP
Evening-Tomatillo-47@reddit
Xp? Kids these days!
BathroomCareful23@reddit
I remember when DOS 5.0 was all the rage
Mobile_Analysis2132@reddit
DOS 5.0?? 3.3 is the absolute best! Stable. Supports what it needs to. What else do you need?
RedditVince@reddit
I remember liking DR DOS but I don't recall why. Maybe it could use more ram, hmmm... A long time ago...
ckg603@reddit
Who needs "directories" pfft. 1.x ftw
LaptoPhaiknaim@reddit
There are still things that can be done in DOS that can't be done in Windows.
coani@reddit
pff, Amiga Workbench 2.1 or go home!
(though I did prefer the color scheme on 1.x ;)
SaltLickCity@reddit
I was on my Sharp Zarus until last week when AOL discontinued dial up. 😛
OilPhilter@reddit
I had a job repairing Commodore 64's
ijustmeter@reddit
still tricky if you have so many tabs the tab list scrolls horizontally
The_Drawbridge@reddit
Do you have autism perchance? lol
We always welcome newcomers
dae_giovanni@reddit
user name obviously checks out
littlenightengale@reddit
Whose username?
adrenalinda75@reddit
My BIOS update probably stopped when I was 16, but I'm happy. Many, many bluescreens later, I'm still around. Task manager doesn't work at all, and I have constant logouts.
SteveDub60@reddit
Some days it's like I haven't got to the C: drive yet, it feels like I'm still using the A: drive and B: drive.
sparxcy@reddit
that is me, sometimes without any browser open!
Comfortable_Long3594@reddit
I hear ya........my memory is in overload...........
Melodic-Ant7206@reddit
You must be watching some well made porn if they are using music in the edit.
JustHere4Tha_Drama@reddit
Sounds like AJ Wilkerson.
ConfectionTotal8660@reddit
Can somebody explain?
blacksterangel@reddit
Where's the big man strong man with tears in his eyes telling him "sir..."?
rob_allshouse@reddit
Way to remove the racism and make it timely!
aham_kunal@reddit (OP)
I didn't know about original joke. Who was it targeted to?
PeetraMainewil@reddit
I've heard it as a woman getting her brains cut out becoming a man.
colBoh@reddit
I didn't even know this joke was originally racist. This is my second time hearing this joke with Infidelity Castro as the punch line.
Corona_spreader@reddit
Hahahahaahaa😂😂😂😂
UnownJWild@reddit
reported for rule 9
aham_kunal@reddit (OP)
How do you know I was talking about some political figure?
UnownJWild@reddit
It's obvious. You know it and now you're trying to act dumb. We'll see what the mods decide.
Bakkie@reddit
Buuurrrnn!
GueroPrieto915@reddit
This is great and I'm stealing it.
Forward_Teach7675@reddit
🤣
Monkeyshades@reddit
Let me guess: Is the operation performed at a top-notch laboratory in Maralago?
danceswithteddybears@reddit
That explains so much.
clamsandwich@reddit
When I was in school, we used all of the numbers. I went to the best schools but I don't like to talk about that because they think it's a bad thing to be successful but if I was a Democrat they'd talk about how amazing it is because you know there's a double standard. If I say, you know, went to Wharton, built a successful business myself, became rich, it's "oh he's the bad guy" but if it's a Democrat it's "oh he's so great". It's unfair but that's okay, I don't care. You know it. But we have the best numbers, that's what they don't want to tell everyone. Just the other day a veteran, a big strong guy with tears in his eyes, says "sir I just wanted to thank you for everything you're doing for us, you're the best president of my lifetime." This guy's been through, you know, what a lot of people can't imagine in terms of war and as far as fighting and war and a lot of people did too, and it's amazing because they know I'm doing everything I can for them, totally reformed the VA because it was just completely destroyed by sleepy Joe and the military is now back to is glory. Warriors, that's what they are now. We're warriors and that's now, but not with the Democrats since Obama. You wouldn't believe it. Actually maybe you would because what Obama did with Obamagate is criminal. And now we have numbers nobody thought possible.
Comfortable_Long3594@reddit
You actually wrote this in complete sentences..........
Frido1976@reddit
And without caps and THANK YOU FOR YOUR ATTENTION TO THIS MATTER........
Ok-Elk-6087@reddit
You forgot to add that the guy's uncle went to MIT and was a brilliant engineer, probably the best engineer ever, and he was amazed at how smart his nephew was.
kk074@reddit
Not enough meandering
Studly_54@reddit
My late brother-in-law was Italian. I always told him any good Italian joke and he always genuinely laughed. One that I told him, (a little racist by today's standards) was similar: Guy needs a brain op. They realize they have to remove a large section. Good news is you will be okay but brain functions will be diminished. After the op you will be like the average Polish person. Guy agrees. After the op the surgeon is checking in on him and explains they had to remove more than they thought: over half the brain had to come out. The patient looks at them, anger and concern in his eyes and says, "Mamma Mia, watta you do to me?
Studly_54@reddit
I saw it coming but continued to read. Because it is So True.
kaiwulf@reddit
Numbers the likes of which no one has ever seen before
BuckWoody1206@reddit
Now that's hysterical! 😂🤣😂
Cyberguardian173@reddit
That sounds like anosognosia. I mean, we all know what it sounds like, but allow me to ramble for a bit about anosognosia, because it is really interesting!
Anosognosia is a condition where a patient has some form of disability; blindness, paralysis, etc., but they insist they don't have that disability. A person with visual anosognosia will insist they aren't blind, but when you ask them how many fingers you are holding up, they will guess and make excuses when they get it wrong. Turns out, their own brain is telling them they CAN see for some reason. It is like a delusion in psychology, where someone has false belief about reality that they can't be convinced out of. Think a person who believes they're god or elvis. We don't know why anosognosia happens.
ckg603@reddit
Good subject!
Too bad we're only about 1/8 into the experiment...
ConfusionMindless579@reddit
So accurate. Maybe not a joke. TACO is ruining the USA and the world
MasteryAbides@reddit
😂
evil_moron@reddit
And when I do count to 10 it's gonna be HUGE
hulkmxl@reddit
You have a concept of a 10-count?
NinjaPenguin75@reddit
Yuge! Tremendous amount very bigly
SapTheSapient@reddit
The plan for counting to 10 will be released in 2 weeks.
DrSpaceman667@reddit
Then they removed his dick and he finally shut up.
flamingo2022@reddit
Laparoscopic surgery.
rarely-on-reddit@reddit
STOP THE COUNT
rarely-on-reddit@reddit
My predecessors were terrible at counting to 10, low IQ no idea what they were doing. We're working on the most amazing beautiful 10 counting plan, you'll all see in 2 weeks!
tuxedoshrimpjesus@reddit
...he's definitely a 'no brainer'😶
g12m0bb@reddit
Something tells me that Trumpy Boi is the ghost writer of Hoyoverse Games
HarukaKX@reddit
Afterward, the scientists decide to ask him a history question to see if perhaps language processing and memories are kept in the brain stem instead of the 2 hemispheres. After asking the man a question about the American Revolution, the man says,
“We hold these truths to be self-evident. All men and women are created by, go you know, you know the thing!”
Sad-Reception-2266@reddit
The punchline should be in ALL CAPS.
hainz_area1531@reddit
I see the problem...
chunkykongracing@reddit
Where are the Epstein files? And also… where is he himself, he looks really sick
NinjaPenguin75@reddit
Where else but golfing? He's going to kark it on the 9th hole one of these days.
MamaDMZ@reddit
Fingers crossed 🤞
Paul_Heiland@reddit
If you're British, you can hear Jon Culshaw's voice as you read.
BourbonNCoffee@reddit
This joke came with a built in voice in my head.
Almost_Infamous@reddit
Wonder why he didn't say anything about the peace deal he recently negotiated?
calm-lab66@reddit
Lots of people are waiting for the 'Rest in Peace' deal.
Evening-Tomatillo-47@reddit
Peace deal?
BathroomCareful23@reddit
Just another of his delusions
Sodom_Laser@reddit
No way he would have stayed on the subject of counting that long.
BuffyBubbles1967@reddit
Man is orange right?
BillyWhizz09@reddit
He doesn’t have a brain to remove
Ok_Way2102@reddit
That’s the point of the joke
tomorrow509@reddit
Funny because it sounds true.🙂
Ok_Way2102@reddit
What, funny? Oh, shoot, this is a joke sub.
poptheballoon4@reddit
I don't get it why's it funny?
God_Bless_A_Merkin@reddit
Bless your heart ❤️
poptheballoon4@reddit
I just don't get it why am I getting downvoted
SouthernZorro@reddit
And then the scientists called him 'Sir' with tears in their eyes.
WichaelWavius@reddit
Good old 672
packetmickey@reddit
You found Gavin Newsome
Zakluor@reddit
Did his 4th grade teacher have tears in her eyes when she told him that?
relayrider@reddit
and called him "sir" even at that young age
Tommyblahblah@reddit
And then he raped her.
C1-RANGER-3-75th@reddit
THANK YOU FOR YOU ATTENTION TO THIS MATTER!
Identity_Unaware@reddit
It is a very good joke. I didn't see it coming ha ha ha
Beautiful_Diet_3473@reddit
Taco man
all_too_familiar@reddit
Well if he can talk that good without a brain he’s undeniably a genius.
Guapa1979@reddit
Anyone with a brain is a genius in comparison.
Kixtay@reddit
“2 years warranty, no MOQ.”
Monkeyhs@reddit
THANK YOU FOR YOUR ATTENTION TO THE MATTER
jayvpagnis@reddit
He Trumped it. Seems like I am the only one who got it
AgileExPat@reddit
Sort of hard NOT to get it, I'd say.
IAteAnotherVegan@reddit
great one!
Dear_Archer7711@reddit
Old but gold