An old man went his Doctor and asked for a complete physical workup. Doc ran him through the tests and then handed him 3 specimen bottles. "The first two you can give me here in the office; a urine sample and a fecal sample."

What about the other one, Doctor? "Well you can take that home and bring it in tomorrow. I need a semen sample to do a complete health report for you." The old man went back the next day and said, "I'm sorry Doctor. I tried with my left hand. No good. I tried with my right hand. No good. I asked my wife for help. She tried with her right hand. Nope. She tried with her left hand and failed. She tried with her mouth. No good. She even took out her teeth and failed. Then we called the neighbor couple to see if they could do it." The Doctor said "You called your neighbors? What in the hack is the problem?!?!?"

The old man said, "Doctor, I'm sorry. But none of us could get the lid off the specimen bottle!"