Sex after death

Posted by noidwa@reddit | Jokes | View on Reddit | 133 comments

A couple made a deal that whoever died first would come back and inform the other if there was sex after death.

After a long life together, the wife was the first to die and true to her words, she made the first contact:

W : "Darling... Darling"

H : "Is that you Baby ?"

W : "Yes, I've come back like we agreed"

H : "That's wonderful !!! What is it like in the afterlife? Is there sex?"

W : "Well, as soon as I get up in the morning, I have sex with a man. After sex and breakfast it's off to the golf course. Thereafter I bathe in the warm sun and have sex a couple of more times with two different guys.

Then I have lunch (you'd be proud - lots of greens). After lunch, it's back to the ground again.

Then it's more sex with different men until late at night.

I catch some much needed sleep and then the next day it starts all over again."

Wow : "Oh Baby... are you in Heaven ?"

W : "No, I'm a goat somewhere in Pakistan”..

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solitaryvenus2727@reddit

Not how I thought that joke was gonna go! 🤣

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Admirable-Dust-7766@reddit

Yeah… I thought - before the supposed punchline - he’d be so excited he’d kill himself to discover her heaven was his hell as he got pounded every day by multiple guys.

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saskir21@reddit

Same. Thought it would end with the usual golf course punchline. Although in this case it was the male who died first.

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PeetraMainewil@reddit

What's the punchline?

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EclipseLOLLL@reddit

Pakistan follows beastiity

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therealmarcrizaulait@reddit

...and "EclipseLOLLL" eschews spelling? ......"beastiity"? Do you need help?

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saskir21@reddit

He was reincarnated as a rabbit.

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PeetraMainewil@reddit

,thx, mate.

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Tasty_Leading8684@reddit

...and yet the post was about reincarnation and karma

Talk of a goat hiding in plain sight!

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RingaLopi@reddit

A goat in Pakistan having sex with a bunch of guys? That’s so racist.

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noidwa@reddit (OP)

Why are you mis-gendering the hoat? We don't know if it's a female

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RingaLopi@reddit

You retain your gender after reincarnation, don’t you?

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Appropriate_Olive_19@reddit

Not as far as I know.

https://www.reddit.com/r/Buddhism/s/nuZjBZQZqN

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iconsumemyown@reddit

Or a sheep in Alabama, same thing.

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dudebronahbrah@reddit

He said sheep not sister

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iconsumemyown@reddit

In Alabama, both would be correct

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RecalcitrantHuman@reddit

Nah. Them Alabamians are loyal AF

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Schallawitz@reddit

I heard they made doggy style illegal there because you don’t turn your back on family

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Naked-Jedi@reddit

Same sheep for life.

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unculturedperl@reddit

Roll tide...

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beastboyashu@reddit

You confused India with Pakistan

You add Pakistan when it's a cousin joke

Not when it's bestiality you dummy

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Mammoth-Molasses-878@reddit

so that's what happens with hi**us in their next 6 janams ? condolences from my side.
OP is the H and that's how he knows this story.

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samoan_ninja@reddit

Or a sheep somewhere in Wales.....

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donald_dandy@reddit

Or zucchini in California

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2beatenup@reddit

Meanwhile cucumber hurriedly looking up Airlines tickets to CA….

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fuqdisshite@reddit

hate to wake up as a couch in DC...

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ReammyA55@reddit

try a sock in any American teenager room

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OkDirector9518@reddit

That's not limited to America ya know. I'm quite certain that'd be world wide.

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ReammyA55@reddit

no, socks are local.

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Water_digger@reddit

What's 6 inches long, hard, and full of cum? The sock under my bed.

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OkDirector9518@reddit

Why did the sperm cross the road? Because I put on the wrong socks this morning

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ReammyA55@reddit

what comes out soft and goes in hard? The sock in my drawer.

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ReammyA55@reddit

😂

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fuqdisshite@reddit

i remember hearing my grandpa bitching about the sheets one time while i was staying with them.

my grandma laughed and made some comment about having raised 3 boys before.

it took me a bit to understand that cum does not just disappear because it is white-ish.

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finglish_@reddit

Jesus what is it with Americans and jerking off into socks. Everyone has easy access to tissue paper.

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OkDirector9518@reddit

Everyone has easy access to socks too.

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4x4play@reddit

our dicks are bigger than tissue paper.

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ReammyA55@reddit

is that the reason for ankle socks? 😂

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noidwa@reddit (OP)

Is this even reality? A sock?

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daubest@reddit

not just that, some teenagers sock, that the teenager has also... tried.

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bria9509@reddit

Huh? Some teenagers share socks? Gross.

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daubest@reddit

Not what I was trying to say, but great idea. Sort of like a gangbang.

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1010012@reddit

The mention of golf really pushed me in that direction.

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Rubicksgamer@reddit

Or a couch in Ohio

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zappafrank1940@reddit

Golf course?

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lucky_monk@reddit

Goats are very environmentally friendly lawn mowers.

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1010012@reddit

But are there many golf courses in Pakistan?

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Muroid@reddit

After googling, somewhere around 50, give or take.

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LonelyDinner@reddit

How many were there before googling?

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Muroid@reddit

I wasn’t able to confirm the date that every course was constructed, but I was able to check about 2/3rds of them. Of the ones I got dates for, it seems like 10 of them were constructed before Google was founded. So that puts a range of 10-30 golf courses with a probable number of 15 that existed before googling.

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4x4play@reddit

goats would absolutely wreck a golf course.

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jonfitt@reddit

The original joke has the person reincarnated as a rabbit. This modification makes it odd.

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nyssat@reddit

Because it’s less odd to fuck a rabbit than a goat?

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madroots2@reddit

no, you sick pervert, because rabbits are known to do it with other rabbits a lot

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nyssat@reddit

Ah, thanks!

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JJSchweiner@reddit

True comedy is again in the comments

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lincruste@reddit

Yes, thanks for that previous dialogue.

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superPlasticized@reddit

I really like the goat version.

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saskir21@reddit

A goat has not as much sex as a rabbit.

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Ok_Rain1546@reddit

But the joke is: in Pakistan men (humans) copulate with goats.

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enolaholmes23@reddit

Is this stereotype specific to Pakistan or just absurdism?

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Ok_Rain1546@reddit

The core of the joke is its sheer offensive absurdity. The humour comes from the shock and taboo-breaking nature of the punch line.

But I think the origin of the ‘notion’ lies Pakistan’s colonial past. During the colonial era, Western powers often portrayed their colonies (in Africa, Middle East, and South Asia) as "uncivilized" and "backward." They created a dichotomy: the rational, advanced Westerner versus the irrational, primitive native. So you’d sometimes see such jokes about African men too. See for instance: https://www.reddit.com/r/Jokes/s/7viMwRALTv

Post 911 Islamophobic and anti-Muslim sentiment rose significantly in the West. Pakistan, as a predominantly Muslim nation became a frequent target.

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Ohyo_Ohyo_Ohyo_Ohyo@reddit

OP is Indian, so in this case it's South Asian infighting.

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enolaholmes23@reddit

Thanks for explaining

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nyssat@reddit

It is used in jokes a lot. Like Welshmen and sheep.

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Chromeboy12@reddit

I think the goat isn't really getting a choice in this scenario

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superPlasticized@reddit

It depends on how many goat lovers are visiting the goat.

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midtown_museo@reddit

This one adds some bestiality into the mix for some added hilarity.

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Kabc@reddit

I’d say a sheep in wales, personally.

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hootanahalf@reddit

This isn't a joke. It's real!!

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Sleazy_T@reddit

“The sexual assault of the goat has led some on social media to ask Pakistan Prime Minister Imran Khan if goats also need to be modest with their appearance.”

Goddamn

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TotallyInOverMyHead@reddit

I found these 2 paragraphs to be somewhat oddly mashed together:

The rape and murder of six-year-old Zainab Ansari in Kasur in 2018 and the Lahore motorway gang rape of a woman in front of her children in 2020 caused a similar outpouring of public anger, grief and outrage.

Pakistan has ranked 153rd out of 156 countries for gender parity in the Global Gender Gap report by the World Economic Forum and seventh out of the eight countries in the south Asian region.

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asqua@reddit

I feel every country has its stereotype animal dialer nation-species hookup combo. For us it was New Zealanders and Sheep

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TotallyInOverMyHead@reddit

Germans have the Saarland; Also apparently that is the place in germany to find circular family trees.

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F-Lambda@reddit

what's the US'?

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Eastgaard@reddit

"Europoors lol"

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unknown_pigeon@reddit

Italians have Sardinians with goats

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Terpomo11@reddit

I think Australians and New Zealanders both make that joke about each other, it's just the wider world hears more of the Australians' version because there are more Australians.

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1792Drink@reddit

WTF !!! Lmfao !!!

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Otherwise_Public2579@reddit

Dead boring

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Arca1900@reddit

Hilarious - totally unexpected ending!

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Eternalzz-@reddit

clanker

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Eternalzz-@reddit

🤖

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AwkwardlyCunning@reddit

Goats play golf?

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noidwa@reddit (OP)

No, they graze in the golf course, where did I say wife was playing golf?

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bender445@reddit

Because no one would let goats just graze on a golf course

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Kermut@reddit

I feel like sheep in Wales works better for golf. I'm not familiar with the goat fuckers of Pakistan but I'd wager they aren't playing golf

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Jujhar_Singh@reddit

What

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Own_Bluejay_7144@reddit

Yeah, Tiger and the Golden Bear.

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CrownedDesertMedic@reddit

This isn’t funny. At all.

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perplexedtriangle@reddit

It's primary school racism. Didn't even smile

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sweetwilma@reddit

It may be "culturism" but it's certainly *not* "racism"!

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bender445@reddit

Woah, what a distinction. You must love all the types of discrimination to be so well-versed

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perplexedtriangle@reddit

Ok primary school culturism them. It's just a bit dumb and I'm surprised to see so many folks think it's so funny

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noidwa@reddit (OP)

That's because it's reality for you

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MesserschmittMe109@reddit

It is insanely funny

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Warg-Que3@reddit

This joke slaps. I'm from there and i'm gonna use the fuck outta this joke 🙏

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BK0718@reddit

GOATED JOKE 🤣😭

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Taviii@reddit

I am pretty sure the original joke had Wales, Scotland or New Zealand as the punchline.

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WasWawa@reddit

I heard it was a rabbit in Arizona.

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thewNYC@reddit

Yay. Racism.

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Beneficial-Emu1776@reddit

I think the delivery of the punchline would be a tad better if he said "is that how you imagined heaven?" and she replied "heaven? I reincarnated as a goat in pakistan"

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