if people treated car repair as they do IT requests
Posted by benchartier@reddit | talesfromtechsupport | View on Reddit | 11 comments
customer:
it: uh. fix what?
customer:
it: wait! come back! what's broken? what do you need fixed?
<customer reappears 8 hours later and is now pissed off)
customer: *angry* why isn't my car fixed?
it: because you didn't tell us what was wrong. we tried to call you several times but your vm box is full.
customer: *more angry* just fix it now!
it: we. don't. know. what's. wrong. please. tell. us.
customer:
it: ... sigh
customer reappears the next day, now really pissed off
customer: *red in the face* why isn't my car finished?
it: you haven't told us what's wrong yet.
customer:
it: ... fuck me.
NFSAVI@reddit
No, this happens, probably not as often as in IT though. At At least once a week, we have a mystery overnight drop, no notes other than the customer's name and phone number. They don't answer their phone and show up at the end of the day, expecting it fixed.
K1yco@reddit
We had a lady call asking us about the status of her product she sent us. At no point did she tell us/did we set up to have her send it and we have no anything was coming. She started claiming we stole it.
After a bunch of investigating, she finally found the tracking number and turns out it was lost in transit, so not only did we not know it was coming, but we never even received it to even be confused when it arrived.
Just-A-Regular-Fox@reddit
IT as a mechanic: Customer: Can you fix my car? Me: probably, whats wrong? Customer: It wont start, yes, I pushed the button. Me: okay, send me a video of the car. Customer: sends video of airplane Me: what? I cant fix that.. Customer: Youre the “mechanic” so fix it. Me: Thats so far outside of what we do. That requires very specialized training. Customer: So you cant fix anything?? Me: I can fix A CAR. Customer: wow, dont even know why we have a mechanics department. Always an excuse.
K1yco@reddit
Alternate Customer: Sends video of them opening the trunk
Just-A-Regular-Fox@reddit
This 🙏
AngryCod@reddit
You get a call at 4:55pm on a Friday afternoon. They're going on vacation and they need their car fixed before they leave. They're calling you from the car on their way to Orlando.
wolfwing@reddit
Your customers don't already do this?
K1yco@reddit
Employee: I got a new car because my other one no longer workers because the engine blue up after it was crushed by a train. The gas tank is on the opposite side and makes it completely undrivable. Can't you just give me my old car back?
benchartier@reddit (OP)
customer: can you fix my car for me? it's losing power sometimes and takes a long time to get running in the morning.
mechanic: sure! let me take a look. so it looks like your engine module is stuck. let's turn it off and back on. ugh, now the whole car crashed. i'll reinstall the engine remotely. this should only take between 7 seconds and 412 days according to the manufacturer’s estimates.
customer: hang on. did you just say 412 days? I. I don't understand any of this. why isn't this working like it usually does?
it: i mean it's all terribly complicated and the various systems don't always ... wait. there's a new version of the engine. oh and now you have to select from a home version, a small business version, a large business version and a public market version. you have to license one of those on a monthly basis but the engine manufacturer doesn't clearly define what each engine does.
customer: ... what? engine version? how much is this going to cost me?
it: ah, sorry, nobody really knows. it depends on a lot of variables, many of which appear to be related to cosmic noise and animal migration patterns. at the moment, it's not completely unaffordable but it will cost a lot more tomorrow for no good damn reason. oh, unless you complain to the manufacturer. Then you'll get a price break for a month but on day 31 the manufacturer pulls money out of your checking account until you're broke.
benchartier@reddit (OP)
um. unless you show up in person at the detroit hq with a notarized request to cancel. You have to request cancellation exactly 37 days before the renewal date. At exactly 12:01am.
customer: garnish my.. wages? uh. that doesn't sound so great. I mean it was just running kind of slow and
it: oh. i see your car firmware has to be upgraded to a newer version to use the new engine licensing. let me patch it and <6 hours later> .. damn. so you have the same engine only now it gets slightly better fuel efficiency. But the satellite radio only ever plays Never Gonna Give You Up and your check engine light keeps sending you crazy messages via morse code. oh and according to the cryptomining consortium who took over your car's local network, your frunk will never open again. sorry!
customer: but I
it: but yeah, you need a better drive train. ok, let's upgrade that for you. uh, so I see that the new drive train is too powerful for your engine, so I'll have to upgrade the engine too. Hang on.
customer: um, I just want to drive home and see my wi
it: oh wow. while i was upgrading your engine, the steering system driver got all corrupted and now the car is just driving itself in circles for no apparent reason. Oh and the steering wheel does exactly the opposite of what it did before and now it’s a different shape. oh. hang, hang on. the steering system is now driving the car in hexagons. hmm. interesting. i wonder why…
benchartier@reddit (OP)
customer: wait, steering is done with a wheel? Wasn't the steering thing was a triangle at some point?
it: yeah, it was, but we had to get people to upgrade so we stopped supporting the triangle. Claimed it was a security issue. Now it's a tetrahedron that we’re proud to call SmartSteeringCopilotClippieAzureEntra™.
customer: is.. is this all so you can trademark the name? I
it: yeah, it’s a clunky name but it looks f*cking GREAT on brochures. I mean it is endorsed by Clippie™ and Tom Arnold and Diddy and
but yeah, you’re right. it’s all so we can trademark the name.
customer: um. really?
it: yep. really.
customer: ... ok, i think I'd like to keep this machine for a while so let’s do some upgrades!