Train your cat to do heroin. So when your boss asks you to work late, you can say you can't because your cat is on heroin. And they won't believe you because that's insane so you show them and they will be like "Holy shit your cat is on heroin."

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Wide_Yak_4467@reddit

I can’t believe no one has thought of this before.

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Boss: okay so here what your gonna do, get that kitty some water and a cheeseburger hes gonna fall asleep after those and you come into work for 2 hours then you head back home and wait for him to wake up. Trust me he'll be fine the heroine here is weak but hes gonna want to rest up before the withdrawal sets in. I'll hook you up with a teaser dose before you leave incase he gets sick. Fist bump*

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Neckwrecker@reddit

Cats can have a little heroin, as a treat.

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babtras@reddit

I don't think kitty can find its own supply so you might still have some explaining to do. That is, in addition to explaining how your cat got on heroin.

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MAClaymore@reddit

There are cats that sometimes aren't on heroin?

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HighZenBorg473@reddit

Please upvote this post so we can Get OP on as a moderator for r/AntiWork !!! 😆🤭💕🔥

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ImmediateLobster1@reddit

Found Jack Handy's reddit account.

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I_might_be_weasel@reddit (OP)

Also at that post you can say whatever you want because they will never question you again.

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DookieShoez@reddit

If I found out you were giving your cat heroin I would questions you and everything you say every day of every week 😂

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Logical-Scholar-2656@reddit

This is an idea, and it is crazyyyy

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DookieShoez@reddit

Huh, someone should start a sub for ideas that are ideas whilst at the same time being crazy. #🤔

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Practical-Dingo-7261@reddit

I might need to work that overtime to afford my cat's heroin habit.

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posthuman04@reddit

Would any absurdity work? Like what if I magnetized my furniture to the ceiling or rented my backyard shed to the mob?

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I_might_be_weasel@reddit (OP)

No. It has to be something that sounds like an issue.

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GhoulTimePersists@reddit

"The mob is operating out of my shed" sounds like an issue to me.

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I_might_be_weasel@reddit (OP)

Not if you rented it to them.

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Numerous_Topic_913@reddit

It is still justifiable to have to leave to care for a dependent in stress (the cat) The mob operating is just business, shouldn’t be an issue.

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GhoulTimePersists@reddit

That's the part you don't tell your boss, same as "I supplied the heroin my cat is now addicted to."

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I_might_be_weasel@reddit (OP)

The initial heroin but there is no stopping him now.

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posthuman04@reddit

Yeah well getting your cat hooked on H isn’t your boss’s problem, either

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xtiaaneubaten@reddit

Cats have tiny veins, its gonna be hard.

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Bubbly_Abrocoma2673@reddit

what so a cat can't smoke heroin. I rest my case.

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Substantial_Back_865@reddit

There was that Ukrainian guy who taught his cat how to smoke cigarettes, so I'm certain it could also chase the dragon with the right training.

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EarhackerWasBanned@reddit

What does heroin training look like for cats? A bag of Dreamies and a Velvet Underground record?

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Bubbly_Abrocoma2673@reddit

My sentiments, exactly!

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pandapoweractivate@reddit

Would this work on a dog?

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I_might_be_weasel@reddit (OP)

No.

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pandapoweractivate@reddit

: (

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Xandara2@reddit

The reason it won't work is that no one will believe a dog would do that to themselves. While cats obviously don't give a fuck what happens to you because they have an addiction.

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Yuck_Few@reddit

I don't imagine the boss will be concerned about your cat.

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Intelligent-Law9237@reddit

This was written by a cat junkie

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r0b0t11@reddit

Fantastic direction for this sub. Way to show leadership.

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OobaDooba72@reddit

10/10 no notes

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CindysExtraTesticle@reddit

This is legitimately the best idea I've ever heard

Reply

Train your cat to do heroin. So when your boss asks you to work late, you can say you can't because your cat is on heroin. And they won't believe you because that's insane so you show them and they will be like "Holy shit your cat is on heroin."

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35 Comments

Motor_Display4191@reddit

Wide_Yak_4467@reddit

Sir_Strumming@reddit

Neckwrecker@reddit

babtras@reddit

MAClaymore@reddit

HighZenBorg473@reddit

ImmediateLobster1@reddit

I_might_be_weasel@reddit (OP)

DookieShoez@reddit

Logical-Scholar-2656@reddit

DookieShoez@reddit

Practical-Dingo-7261@reddit

posthuman04@reddit

I_might_be_weasel@reddit (OP)

GhoulTimePersists@reddit

I_might_be_weasel@reddit (OP)

Numerous_Topic_913@reddit

GhoulTimePersists@reddit

I_might_be_weasel@reddit (OP)

posthuman04@reddit

xtiaaneubaten@reddit

Bubbly_Abrocoma2673@reddit

Substantial_Back_865@reddit

EarhackerWasBanned@reddit

Bubbly_Abrocoma2673@reddit

pandapoweractivate@reddit

I_might_be_weasel@reddit (OP)

pandapoweractivate@reddit

Xandara2@reddit

Yuck_Few@reddit

Intelligent-Law9237@reddit

r0b0t11@reddit

OobaDooba72@reddit

CindysExtraTesticle@reddit