A DEA officer stopped at our farm yesterday. “I need to inspect your farm for illegal growing drugs.”

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Wasn't that a joke where folks at a bar had heard all the jokes so often that they numbered them, and when someone wanted to tell a joke they'd just call out the number, and people would laugh, mystifying visitors?

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lllorrr@reddit

Yes. And when a novice tried to tell a joke: "Number 19!", no one laughed, because he apparently didn't know how to tell a good joke.

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Counterpoint-RD@reddit

I dimly remember a Mickey Mouse story going just like this (seems even Disney couldn't leave that one alone 😄): he and Goofy somehow end up in jail, and all jokes are told ad nauseam between the inmates already, so - numbers only. Fun is had by all, until Goofy tries a "Nineteen!" - followed by dead silence all around... Mickey asks their cell neighbor: "Hey, why didn't anyone laugh?" And he goes: "With the way he told it 🤷‍♂️?"

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hurlasunder@reddit

It's a comedian's joke. The punchline is "It's all in the delivery", which is an old comedy adage.

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AinvarChicago@reddit

And then a guy shouted out #157 and everyone cracked up and the novice asked why and they said "that's a new one, we hadn't heard it before!"

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StLFan1@reddit

157 Riverside Avenue!

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kalirion@reddit

I think it was a higher number than that for obvious reasons :)

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Gryphin@reddit

I heard it as a prison, everyone had yelled the same jokes out of their cells down the hallways so much, they just numbered them.

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radarksu@reddit

The version I heard was a joke book in the prison library they had all read so many times that they had it memorized.

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PuzzleheadedLog3420@reddit

I think this version makes the most sense. Thanks for sharing your puzzle piece.

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REVENAUX5150@reddit

lmao,,,, if you or anyone has a copy of the OP joke, please DM it to me through chat.

TY

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Jdkrufhdkr@reddit

I heard it taking place in a prison instead of a bar, but yeah that’s the one

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Whyis_skyblue_007@reddit

Then someone shouted out,"47". The reply was,"You dirty bastard!"

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ThanklessTask@reddit

There was a period a while back that folks were posting that joke here (like above) as a reference to the reposting that was going on.

The only slim comedy of it all (and to be clear there was none) was the irony of the most reposting going on was people reposting the tired old trope of saying it's a repost with that joke.

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REVENAUX5150@reddit

lmao,,,, if you or anyone has a copy of the OP joke, please DM it to me through chat.

TY

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GolbogTheDoom@reddit (OP)

I know it’s probably been posted here before but it’s a good one!

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sandisc731@reddit

I hadn’t seen it in a while. Thanks for reposting.

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drthsiao@reddit

be should have steered the bull past the posted fence

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zyndor@reddit

I haven’t seen that in a while; thanks for thanking someone for reposting.

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SuperDisagreeable@reddit

You're welcome, sir.

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lincoln_muadib@reddit

Change the "DEA" bit to "ICE", the "Check for Illegal Crops" to "Check For Illegals" and "Here is my Badge" to "I'm not Showing you any badge", change nothing else, and this joke would play even better. :)

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Dense_Particular3134@reddit

It should be updated to ICE these days

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hieroelephant@reddit

Yeah, bull could be an illegal multiple rapist named Bull.

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OutlandishnessNo211@reddit

If they had badges, and a signed warrant.

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Next-Concert7327@reddit

You mean if they didn't. ICE cosplayers get all of their stuff at thrift shops.

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EmEmAndEye@reddit

It’s one of my favorites too! Always fun to read, whenever it’s reposted.

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Last_Revenue7228@reddit

Only like 300 times, so you're good.

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HommeMusical@reddit

I first heard it decades ago. I love it, and it's very timely these days. Jokes need to be repeated or they die.

Accept upvotes!

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MrJingleJangle@reddit

Yeah posted before, but still brings a smile, it’s a quality joke.

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namelessforgotten666@reddit

An oldie, but goldie!

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Gig540@reddit

Never heard that before. That was a good one🤣

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carmium@reddit

Alk?! 😲 Wow, that's impressive

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DemandNo3158@reddit

1st time I heard this, the cop was searching for a still. Thanks 👍

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notyrantsever@reddit

Good one, but not a real event, correct?

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XGPHero@reddit

My buddy and I were driving in Las Vegas years ago and he got pulled over(I think he rolled a stop sign or something). He was respectful from the start but the cop just seemed determined to escalate matters. Kept trying to suggest that we were high(neither of us smoked on principle, back before it was legalized).

At some point the cop told us to get out and started searching the car. Then he told him to pop the hood and by buddy complied, but as he was popping the hood he told the cop very casually not to look under the turbo. The cop smirked at my buddy like he just caught him, and promptly leaned down onto the exhaust manifold with his arm.

Until this point his partner had looked uncomfortable but just stayed back and didn't get directly involved. Fortunately he decided to intervene when the cop started charging my buddy. Told us to drive safe and get the hell out of there. We laughed all the way home.

I miss that dude.

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Gryphin@reddit

His partner definitely told the story back at the station. That guy probably got the nickname Turbo after that. I can bet that 3 days later, with his arm bandaged up from the burn, he goes walking into whatever side of the precinct or courthouse that he doesn't have to go often as a patrolman, and someone says "hey Turbo! How are ya? What can I do for you?"

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Short_Emergency_2678@reddit

Yeah and I bet he's getting a 150k pension for his life of power tripping and roid rage

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ThraceLonginus@reddit

Grab any hot steaming pipes today Turbo?

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Corporate-Shill406@reddit

started searching the car

Never consent to a vehicle search. If a cop wants to search your car, they almost definitely don't have any justification. Roll up the windows and lock the keys inside. A locksmith is a lot cheaper and faster than a prison sentence when they frame you for something.

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Last_Abrocoma5530@reddit

PSA: No you don't have that "right to kill" him or anyone under any circumstances in any western democracy.

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HommeMusical@reddit

you don't have that "right to kill" him or anyone under any circumstances in any western democracy.

PSA: if you live in America, this is completely and 100% wrong.

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Stand-your-ground_law
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Castle_doctrine
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Self-defense_(United_States)
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Kyle_Rittenhouse

You appear to live in America. It would have taken seconds to search this, but also, have you lived under a rock for the last decade?

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Last_Abrocoma5530@reddit

None of these are widespread and none allow you to kill a law enforcement officer.

But you do you

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HommeMusical@reddit

None of these allow you to kill a law enforcement officer.

We're not talking about someone who is identified as a law enforcement officer. We're talking about a masked man with a weapon, not wearing any form of badge or ID, refusing to identify themselves, and performing a kidnapping.

But you do you

I decided I'm blocking jackasses and the deliberately rude, so bye now.

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NotBannedAccount419@reddit

Those are self defense doctrines and examples and do not apply to police interactions you moron

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HommeMusical@reddit

you moron

Into the block bin!

Consider therapy for your anger management issues.

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Old-Kernow@reddit

They said "democracy", which *used* to include America.

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-TheycallmeThe@reddit

Yeah but the guy's partner is going to kill you so you will never get to testify that you feared for your life. Tough to prove intent when you are dead.

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Tesseract4D2@reddit

You have the right to defend yourself. However, cops are allowed to violate your rights, and conservative judges aren't interested in due process, so it's not a chance worth taking unless you legitimately think you'll die.

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Last_Abrocoma5530@reddit

If a cop is attacking you with lethal force, what kind of person is able to counteract that successfully? Except Reacher that is

Because this is all very academic and fantasist talk. I'm here for the jokes, not people advocating killing other humans or insinuating cops are pigs.

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Corporate-Shill406@reddit

It is justified and necessary force to stop a threat to your life. When you're dealing with a cop, you know your enemy is willing and able to use deadly force, which usually justifies your own deadly force. If the situation were reversed, where the cop is dealing with a crazy armed civilian, you know the pig is likely to commit murder and it'll be deemed totally legal. Police are not above the law or their fellow man; if that standard is okay for them, it's okay for us too.

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Last_Abrocoma5530@reddit

Could you please copy paste the legislation that supports that you can eliminate immediate threats to your life? I can't find it in any stature except the 'hold your ground" ones which are not widespread.

A pig is not a person. It's property under common law jurisdictions

But you do you in your fantasies - i do - just don't hurt anyone in real life before talking to an actual real lawyer.

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Dragonsoul@reddit

Right, but in practice you're going to die.

You might be in the legal right, you might be in the moral right..but you'll be a highly intheright corpse.

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Corporate-Shill406@reddit

Just gotta be a better shooter than they are. Which probably isn't too hard considering some of the videos I've seen...

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Theron3206@reddit

Yeah, your next of kin might get compensation, but no matter how much of an arsehole the cop is, his partner (there were two of them in this case) is going to shoot you and then deal with the mess.

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Alix-dee49@reddit

You Americans in your dystopian

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Corporate-Shill406@reddit

Our cop cars are often stealthy and hard to see on purpose, sometimes unmarked, because if motorists see a cop they'll slow down and not break any laws. The cars are stealthy so the police can make more money from fines.

Meanwhile, cop cars in other countries seem to be covered in neon reflective strips so they're easy to spot if you need help...

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HommeMusical@reddit

One of the many big surprises in moving to Europe was my realization that US cops dress to be as frightening as possible, whereas Europe cops dress to be as visible as possible.

It took me a couple of years to get over the intrinsic fear. Perhaps the key moment was when I had to cross a barrier in Amsterdam with two police hanging out at it.

Many years ago I had tried to go through a subway turnstile in New York City that was too close to two cops, and they threatened me.

In Amsterdam, when I asked "Can I go through here?" they not only got out of my way with a smile, one of them made a joke in Dutch, "You can if you can!"

I knew this joke from my teacher. It was a reminder that in Dutch "can" only means "have the ability to do something". It was a friendly language tip!

We all giggled and then I went through.

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averecta@reddit

Can means the same in English! I believe the correct word there is “May” as in “May I go through there?”

The joke they made works fine in both languages :)

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HommeMusical@reddit

Can means the same in English!

"can" has both meanings in English - both permission and ability:

https://dictionary.cambridge.org/dictionary/english/can
https://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/can
https://www.merriam-webster.com/grammar/when-to-use-can-and-may

The joke they made works fine in both languages :)

This hasn't been a rule in English since the nineteenth century.

In Dutch and German, the word for "can" is never used for permission by native speakers, only ability, so if you say, "Can I go to the bathroom?" it sounds like "Do I have the ability to go to the bathroom?"

The words for can "feel" completely different from the words for "may".

In French and English, the word for "can" is frequently used by native speakers to mean "permission". If someone asked you, "Can I borrow your pen?", "Can we get a meal?", "Can you keep it down up there?" you wouldn't be at all confused as to what they meant. (Do you really say, "Might you keep it down up there?")

(Me, native English, French C1, Dutch B2, German B1).

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averecta@reddit

Thanks, what an awesome comment! I appreciate you taking the time :)

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_robmillion_@reddit

Cops in the US aren't there to help, they are there to collect money.

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HamGuy2022@reddit

It's nearly impossible to lock your keys inside newer cars.

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erakat@reddit

Oh you definitely can. I’ve done it.

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Effective-Instance71@reddit

Even older ones. I have a 68 Charger, and the only way to lock the key in the car is with a spare key.

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Theron3206@reddit

And if they are going to be an arsehole about it they can just break the window and then charge you with obstruction or some other bullshit.

It will get tossed, but you still get a night in lockup and much screwing around with lawyers.

Much better to make sure you have evidence you didn't consent to a search and then if they "find" something you have an out, assuming you aren't actually transporting drugs in large quantities. Then you only waste a little time.

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LLuck123@reddit

Do not shoot at cops that have identified themselves, that is terrible advice. I am not saying it might not be warranted, but it will have a terrible outcome for you close to certainly.

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beardedheathen@reddit

haha. not in the united states if they have a badge.

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duncanidaho61@reddit

Lol I love all you anti-cop redditors. Nowhere on earth will you get away with killing a uniformed officer who was running at you.

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beardedheathen@reddit

And here in America they get away with killing Americans daily.

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Fafnir13@reddit

Shame his partner didn’t intervene earlier. Would saved everybody a lot of time and trouble.

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Aberdolf-Linkler@reddit

Maybe his partner needed the training Nathan Fielder has been developing for commercial airline pilots.

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PosteriorFourchette@reddit

I thought the officer was going to till the back field for him. Not get disemboweled by a bull.

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SolidSquid@reddit

Alternative punchline, he goes walking into the field and suddenly sinks up to his ankles in slurry. His badge should fix that right up though, right?

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Bakedbeaner24@reddit

Somebody listens to "How the West was Fucked"

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NewYork4024@reddit

Good one . Never heard that before

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FrecklesAllOver@reddit

Needed a good joke to make my day better!

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sickduck22@reddit

This sub always helps when I’m feeling down.

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Gomaith23@reddit

It used to be a "Revenuer" in the joke when I was young. I'm 77 and the person who told me the joke was an older person.

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sickduck22@reddit

Revenuer as in agent of the IRS?

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Fafnir13@reddit

While most people don’t have angry bull pastures anymore, the concept is still relevant and well known. As long as that’s the case this joke should remain relevant.

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relayrider@reddit

I'm 77

care to share your skincare regime?

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TheBigBouB@reddit

Haven’t heard this one before! It’s definitely a good one, that’s going in the back pocket

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Blue_foot@reddit

It’s 2025.

Federal law enforcement doesn’t wear badges or tell you who they are.

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alockbox@reddit

I was going to say the real joke is law enforcement pulling out their badge to show you in 2025.

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lassehp@reddit

To Europeans, the real joke is simply: Americans.

And everytime I watch a news video on Youtube, and see the funny clowns with "POLICE ICE" on their back, I imagine that it says "POLICE LICE". That would make more sense.

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Prototypep3@reddit

They prefer to kidnap you gangland style and ship you to ~~concentration~~ detention centers even if you are innocent.

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PFirefly@reddit

Not one illegal is innocent. Some are just guiltier than others.

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jflb96@reddit

One, ‘illegal’ is an adjective, not a noun.

Two, many of the people that they’ve grabbed weren’t in the country illegally anyway.

Three, on general principles, go fuck yourself.

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PFirefly@reddit

Who went to a detention center that wasn't illegal?

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muteen@reddit

This is why America is cooked, because dumb fucks like you are allowed to vote

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PFirefly@reddit

I couldn't find anyone by that name...

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Blue_foot@reddit

What is this veteran’s wife guilty of?

I thought family was important.

What purpose does deporting the wife and mother of US citizens serve when she is in the process of getting her green card?

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Victernus@reddit

Do you ever think about how the world would be genuinely better if you weren't in it? That by and large, things would improve for people if people like you just didn't wake up tomorrow?

Probably not.

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Allaplgy@reddit

I feel like someone wrote a story about this a long time ago. Something about tossing rocks or something.

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Kevin4938@reddit

That's only the ones from ICE

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Ok-Republic-8528@reddit

ICE might be the most aptly named government agency ever, what are some of the words most people would use to describe an iceberg? cold, hard, and white would probably be high up the list

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Blue_foot@reddit

Other federal agencies are participating in immigration sweeps.

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Phyllis_Tine@reddit

Don't they kidnap people and then auction them off to other countries for the highest price?

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mekonsrevenge@reddit

It's just more fun that way!

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chromite297@reddit

One of these days a civilian is going to defend themselves on the street because ICE legit look like kidnappers black bagging people off the street

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Designer_Asparagus21@reddit

Even moreso, now that someone dressed like ICE assasinated Minnesota legislators and family.

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Designer_Asparagus21@reddit

The real ones do. The untrained, Pround Bois, ICE recruits, Not so much.

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Foxfire2@reddit

We don’t need no stinking badges!

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ButterscotchOdd4347@reddit

Apparently, he wasn't a real DEA officer. No one from that department or ICE are showing ANY badges anymore.

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rabbitpants@reddit

This one actually made me laugh :)

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TMimirT@reddit

Classic! Should be updated to ICE officer though..

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OttoLuck747@reddit

Wouldn’t work. ICE never shows their badges.

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Last_Abrocoma5530@reddit

I prefer this version with a donkey

https://youtu.be/BCcvv9D9P8M?si=Nf6YgFRfk4roThHV

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GolbogTheDoom@reddit (OP)

This is gold. Best thing I’ve seen all week

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Last_Abrocoma5530@reddit

Graham Norton showed in his show, asking why did the guy have his trousers down. Why was the other guy filming from that point and why he didn't help....!

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Busby5150@reddit

Oh how I wish this were real… and that dickhead got gored!

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SnoopingStuff@reddit

Ok I love this! Needed this

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CoffeeCorpse777@reddit

"Wisconsin Department of Natural Resources, MY BADGE!"

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EvansP51@reddit

JOHN! Yes boss?

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773H_H0@reddit

I saw this punch line coming but it’s still hilarious

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Mikesaidit36@reddit

Show the bear his fucking badge so the bear would know the DEA officer was down to fuck, right?

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Brrringsaythealiens@reddit

I think I missed the day in school when they handed out the fucking badges. My sex life is terrible.

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Mikesaidit36@reddit

You just shouldn’t have missed the days of instruction and practice. Showing off your fucking badge in bars usually backfires anyway.

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scottbgvu812@reddit

I changed it up a little.

An ICE officer stopped at our farm yesterday. “I need to inspect your farm for illegal immigrants.”I said, “Okay, but don’t go in that field over there.”The ICE officer verbally exploded, saying, “Mister, I have the authority of the federal government with me!” Reaching into his reactants pocket, the officer pulled out his badge and shoved it in my face. “See this fucking badge? This badge means I am allowed to go wherever I wish… on ANY land! No questions asked or answers given! Do I make myself clear? Do you understand?”I nodded politely, apologized, and went about my chores. A short time later, I heard loud screams, looked up, and saw the ICE officer running for his life, being chased by my big old mean bull! With every step the bull was gaining ground on the officer and it seemed likely that he’d get gored before reaching safety. The officer was clearly terrified.So, I threw down my tools, ran to the fence, and shouted at the top of my lungs.“Your badge, show him your fucking BADGE!!!”

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olds88@reddit

Why the link in the end of the second to last sentence and beginning of last?

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JudgeMingus@reddit

If there’s no space after a full stop (period), Reddit interprets the dot-joined words as a link URL.

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GolbogTheDoom@reddit (OP)

I think Reddit just got confused and made it a link. It doesn’t actually go to anything

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GolbogTheDoom@reddit (OP)

A lot of people have been saying it should be changed to this lol. Thanks for writing it out

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ockaners@reddit

Except ice wouldn't show their face nor their badges.

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Switch-in-MD@reddit

Even though you barely changed it, this version deserves to win the internet for the period 2025-29.

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04Fox_Cakes@reddit

RECTUM!!?? DAMN NEAR KILLED HIM!!!

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GolbogTheDoom@reddit (OP)

Are you high? All three of your comments sound like you’re high

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04Fox_Cakes@reddit

I'm just going to be honest, I probably was; I more or less am now too, and just made two six-mile round-trips to wal-mart to ask if anyone, please turned in a wallet that that says "FUCK OFF" engraved lovingly in the leather, and after he laughed his millennial ass off and checked for forty minutes, I drove home praying to a god whose name I have never known, then found the motherfucker in a corner of my bedroom. Just now.

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04Fox_Cakes@reddit

Forgot to mention: this series of events made me accidentally cancel my debit card, rendering my ass dependent on the real world value of goods. But not services.

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wileysegovia@reddit

For a second, I thought it was going to be the one where he got law enforcement to plow his potato field. But it ended up being the show-him-your badge one.

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Fly_Pelican@reddit

his rusty sheriff’s badge

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onlycamsarez28@reddit

Ah classic. Been too long since I've seen this one.

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ewok_lover_64@reddit

An oldie but a goodie. I forgot about that one. Thanks!

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Science-Gone-Bad@reddit

I replaced DEA with ICE in my head

Still works well

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Here_is_What_I_Think@reddit

Old version: Spiro Agnew is in Africa giving a speech at airport. Crowd is very enthusiastic, screaming “Shawnga, Shawanga, Shawanga,…”! He comments to his aid, that the crowd really liked him! Next stop at farm to show off a prize winning bull. Walking across the field, the rancher says to him, “Be careful not to step in the Shawanga!”. 😁

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BewilderedandAngry@reddit

Spiro Agnew! Now there's a name from the distant past!

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rexeditrex@reddit

One of my favorite old jokes!

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RaisinLate@reddit

What do you call the shiny part of a turd?

Its badge

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danmickla@reddit

Those growing drugs are the absolute worst

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SkippHennns0n@reddit

Even where it is legal?

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danmickla@reddit

OP used "growiing" as an adjective

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SkippHennns0n@reddit

Ahhhh, I get it now.

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nextexeter@reddit

Then the SWAT team arrived, shouted at the bull to stop resisting, executed it, burned down the house, and the farmer is facing 30 charges including interfering with the duties of law enforcement and endangering the welfare of animals.

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tomtomclubthumb@reddit

Not quite.

Then the SWAT team arrived, shot the farmer's dog, waited until the bull die of old age and then arrested it and a few Mexican labourers.

They're getting matching punisher tattoos cto celebrate

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Designer_Asparagus21@reddit

and then... the real Punisher shows up and executes the corrupt cops.

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Johannes_Keppler@reddit

Don't forget they shot the dog too.

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occasionally_cortex@reddit

And the squirrels. Especially the squirrels.

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Use-of-Weapons2@reddit

https://youtu.be/fhw7VBKytLE?si=encBTd810qtHp4SK

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Changoleo@reddit

Also: https://youtu.be/iEIql6d81uQ?si=5jGzVT3qBKcdIDcD

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Floss_tycoon@reddit

Jfc when will you learn? You don't fuck with squirrels.

https://youtu.be/C6r0JldBJ3g?feature=shared

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Abner_Mality_64@reddit

Nobody fucks with the Jesus!

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spudmarsupial@reddit

They might have acorns!

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Strange_Soup711@reddit

They always shoot the dog.

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CentralPAHomesteader@reddit

RIP Sammy and Vicky. 🫡

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TheseusPankration@reddit

It was at the vet at the time as well. The doctor was rather shocked.

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primingthepump@reddit

And took his fucking tractor… you are witnessing Farmer Wick.

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quick20minadventure@reddit

And it was the neighbor's dog.

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Spe_zIsBa_nn_ing@reddit

And then superman came and laser eyed all the of the SWAT team members' penises off.

~fin

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DigiQuip@reddit

Then Gandalf the Grey and Gandalf the White and Monty Python and the Holy Grail's black knight and Benito Mussolini and the Blue Meanie and Cowboy Curtis and Jambi the Genie.

Robocop, The Terminator, Captain Kirk, and Darth Vader Lo-pan, Superman, every single Power Ranger Bill S. Preston and Theodore Logan Spock, The Rock, Doc Ock, and Hulk Hogan. All came out of nowhere lightning fast

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Changoleo@reddit

Robocop - Snakesniper

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Fafnir13@reddit

I’ve watched that. Once. It was a truly impressive amount of exploding penis. I never considered a scene would have more than one at most, really.

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SensitivePineapple83@reddit

then ICE came and asked him for his papers - come to find out, the most famous defender of Truth, Justice and the American way is just an illegal immigrant who arrived here as a baby and took an American job working for the fake-news - but has no home to go back to... and I won't mention what he's up to with Lois Lane.

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PrasenjitDebroy@reddit

This seems like a job for Homelander!

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GolbogTheDoom@reddit (OP)

Good ol’ American government here to save the day

/s

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SnazzyStooge@reddit

then they broke his gate, his front door, and looked through all his CDs

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Long_Host4479@reddit

Change from DEA to ICE. Arrogance is more believable

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barryfreshwater@reddit

you do understand that any federal authority needs a signed warrant to be on your private property, right?

oh wait, conservatives love fear mongering about the government and "personal rights"

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Scaarz@reddit

I mean, ICE is kidnapping people without warrants. The laws only work if the people in charge aren't corrupt dickbags.

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GolbogTheDoom@reddit (OP)

Dude. It’s a damn joke. Chill

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drstovetop@reddit

Ahh, Chestertons fence. Don't tear down a fence until you understand why it was built in the first place.

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Aggressive_Roll5874@reddit

Can someone explain this I don’t get it

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Contank@reddit

Farmer: don't go in that field.

Police: I have a badge I go wherever I want.

Police officer goes into the field and is chased by a bull

Farmer: show him your badge

He thought he could go anywhere as he is a Police officer but bull doesn't care about that

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espositorpedo@reddit

The DEA officer was so sure of the authority given to him by his badge, that the farmer is now being sarcastic. It’s like, show the bull the badge and the bull will stop — except we know that the bull doesn’t care about the badge, does it?

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RandomBlackMetalFan@reddit

I missed the joke I guess

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Contank@reddit

Farmer: don't go in that field.

Police: I have a badge I go wherever I want.

Police officer goes into the field and is chased by a bull

Farmer: show him your badge

He thought he could go anywhere as he is a Police officer but bull doesn't care about that

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its_not_a_blanket@reddit

The farmer warned the agent not to go into a certain field. Instead of listening, he berated the farmer. He pulled out his badge and insisted that the badge allows him to go anywhere on the farm, "No questions asked."

The joke is that the badge won't really help him against an angry bull. It is amusing because the agent is getting what he deserves by being so rude, arrogant, and disrespectful to the farmer.

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VendaGoat@reddit

It's funny how life can sometimes mirror fallacy.....

I was a manager of a small business that was located in a facility VASTLY beyond our needs. Why, I have no idea, that was at a level well above my pay grade. I just did, what I was ordered to do, until I didn't.

Well, the local PD took an immense interest in us. Again, ask them why.

But, it wasn't a rare occurrence to have a local guy show up and say they had a report of an emergency or a 911 call from our location. 5 employees plus me. "No sir, no it didn't."

They'd ask to do a search, "Sorry sir, without a warrant, the answer is no. But, please feel free to come back when you are off duty and I will be more than happy to show you around." They never took me up on that offer.

Now I would travel to this location and spend weekends at home.

Guess when we had a fire alarm happen, when I could not, nor could my second, make it in to assist?

Came in on Monday. Checked through and there wasn't a damn thing out of place, nothing was touched, no water, no fire. Just as it was when I locked up on Friday.

We never got another visit from that day forward.

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Safe_Position2465@reddit

I don’t quite get this story

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its_not_a_blanket@reddit

Asshole cops thought they were doing something illegal and wanted to do a search without a warrant. He said he couldn't do it because of company policy. He offered to give them a "tour" when they were off duty.

They really, really wanted to conduct an illegal search. So one night when no one was around, someone (we assume the police) made a false fire report. Since no managers were around to let the firefighters in, the cops were finally able to conduct their illegal search.

They didn't find anything, so they left the business alone.

Some people ask, if you have nothing to hide, why not let the cops search?

He didn't want to get fired for violating company policy.
He offered to get around the rule by offering them a "tour" when they were no longer in uniform.
There are a very small minority of cops who do bad things. Letting some random officer search your property without the protection of a warrant is just a stupid risk. No one should allow it.

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Just_Newspaper8274@reddit

I'm weak with laughter. This is awesome! 😎👍

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Subaruncle@reddit

These days it would be more relevant if it was an ICE agent looking for less-than-milky-white people.

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ReverendMak@reddit

I think it’s a little funnier told in the third person, rather than in first person, but I’m not sure why.

I think it might hit even better in first person, only the narrator is the arrogant officer with a badge.

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TopicalTimmy@reddit

Badges? Badges?..We don’t need no stinking badges.

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Valreesio@reddit

What's in your mouth?

Nothin'

Spit it out.

Gum!

Did you bring enough for everybody?

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greenbaron76@reddit

Hey where the white women at?

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Altniv@reddit

He said, the sheriff is near!

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okokokoyeahright@reddit

I'm workin' fer Mel Brooks.

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Abner_Mality_64@reddit

...And Methodists!

6, 5, 4, 3, 2, 1

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Liar_tuck@reddit

Taken from Skippys list of things you cannot do in the army.

Come to formation chewing gum if you did not bring enough for everyone.

Chew gum in formation even if you brought enough for everyone.

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RascalTempleton@reddit

Chewing gum on line. I hope you brought enough for everybody.

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eatmopig@reddit

Stampeding cattle? That’s not much of an offense…

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ShinyUnicornPoo@reddit

Through the Vatican?

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Dude_of_Beer@reddit

Kinky. Sign here...........

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Passing4human@reddit

But this was a fucking badge.

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Peacemkr45@reddit

A fucking badge? Like a boy scout achievement badge in fucking? So while all your buddies are learning to tie knots and pitch a tent, you visited the girl scout camp and earned your fucking badge?

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Consistent-Leek4986@reddit

good chuckle! just what’s needed today!

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Etherealnoob@reddit

This shit is older than me and still gold.

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530SSState@reddit

True story: My neighbor has a big yard, with a barn that is usually kept locked. It got broken into, so she called the cops. She told the officer not to go into the field where the goat was. He responded condescendingly, "Ma'am, I'm a police officer. I've seen things you cannot even IMAGINE." She shrugged and said, "OK, then."

About two minutes later, she hears the guy yelling, "LADY! HELP!", and goes around to the field where, to the surprise of *absolutely no one*, the goat was chasing him.

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JupiterSWarrior@reddit

Hmm. It’s funny, except if the farmer was smart he’d have asked for a warrant.

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Liar_tuck@reddit

It is a joke do not over think it.

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tubbamalub@reddit

Pretty smart of the farmer to direct the agent right into the path of a charging bull.

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Commercial_Board6680@reddit

Cracks me up every time I hear it.

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Curben@reddit

A. C. A. B.

Obviously the bull wasn't black or it would have been shot already.

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Pratt2@reddit

Back in the 60s my dad lived on a Vermont farm with some other hippies. Officer found some weed plants, pulled them up and brought them back to the house. "You know anything about this marijuana? No? I didn't thought so." Took it back to his car and drove off, never heard from again.

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Alix-dee49@reddit

Standard rural life

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Ok-Barracuda544@reddit

I seem to remember there being a state where you couldn't be prosecuted for marijuana growing on your land if it was over X acres (I'm thinking 20), it's under a certain number of plants, and it's not obviously being cultivated. The reasoning being that it grew wild like a weed.

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sparrownetwork@reddit

There were some parts of the Midwest that had a ton of feral hemp growing all over the place, before hemp was legal to grow and almost as illegal as actual weed. I'm pretty sure they still have to prove that you actually cultivated it, and wild plants look very different from cultivated ones.

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DaganMoody@reddit

Joke was on him when he tried to smoke the leaves. lol

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tallbartender@reddit

Did the DEA agent end up dying?

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GolbogTheDoom@reddit (OP)

That’s confidential. I’ll need to see your badge

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Woodfordian@reddit

I read a version of this in the sixties and many times since.

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jasapper@reddit

I propose swapping DEA -> ICE and growing drugs -> undocumented workers. 2025 revision we'll call it.

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04Fox_Cakes@reddit

Bulls on Parade, F* Y I WONT DO WHAT YA YELL ME!!!

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Friendly-Airport-316@reddit

Utah Phillips was a storyteller and folk singer that told this story:

"I do a little bit of light gardening heavy farming but wasn't gonna make it home one spring to till the ground. Now I knew for years the feds were opening my mail, and I figured they gotta learn that stuff somewhere. So I wrote my wife Joanna who was at home.

"FOR GOSH SAKES WHATEVER YOU DO DON'T TILL UP THE BACKYARD> That's where all the guns are buried."

"came home to the federal government swarming my yard with agents who did all my tilling for me!"

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mok_2xZ8iLU&list=PLteJhJHiClpUDWUpHo1uc6OR1cNAlS_qc

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14hourstosave@reddit

No warrant you can kick rocks

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Tommyblahblah@reddit

The wildwood flower grew wild on the farm...we never know'd what it was called.

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Ok-Barracuda544@reddit

Said he flew up there.

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LowRider_1960@reddit

I had to fly up and get him down. He was about half crazy.

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LowRider_1960@reddit

Some said it's a flower, some said it's a weed. I didn't give it much thought.

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deantreat@reddit

Pretty soon yet just wanderin' 'round behind the little animals...

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fckcarrots@reddit

Then the DEA agent got a crew to dig up the farmers field & found nothing, and when he left the old farmer called his son in prison & told him don’t worry, he found a way to dig the field up to plant his potatoes

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DE4DHE4D81@reddit

Love this! I remember a bullshit pull over and search where little rookie pig circled my car with small dick vigor. I was let off given no reasons, besides my ass long dread lochs, I went to the officer and told him to “be careful taking your boots off.” He then blew his lid on me like what the fuck do you mean by that and so on. I then clarified to him that my car was surrounded by poison ivy and that I did not wish him to get a rash. I laughed all the way home!

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RowdyB666@reddit

I also like good old #36, but you could have modernised it and switched DEA for ICE, and switched badge for unsigned warrant so something.

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Grand-Road-6484@reddit

LOL!!! I bet he's still running for his life!!!

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mdjak66@reddit

Hilarious. Even made my wife laugh and that's not easy.

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LewisPawilton44@reddit

Thanks for the laugh!

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shadygrove81@reddit

I am pretty sure that the Latin on my family crest actually says, "Come back with a warrant."

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TuffManJoens@reddit

LOL HOLY SHIT THIS IS SO GOOD. do you own this farm?? What made you think of it!? Haha lol!

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04Fox_Cakes@reddit

Guy walks on to a cow farm by accident; he was drunk or whatever; then a priestess challenged his presence, before the Man disregarded her and continued spider farming. Next thing you know, God hisself functions below par, and we're all just sitting here wondering: "how did that pineapple get THERE??" (NOT AI, just rNdom)

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04Fox_Cakes@reddit

Ooooh! CLOSE! You almost got the gist of it, homey!

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GolbogTheDoom@reddit (OP)

Thanks everyone for the support and the award! I’m glad I could give so many people a laugh

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satanlikesnoods@reddit

This joke doesn't work in 2025 because there's no way he wouldn't mag dump on the bull

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CriminyBiscuits@reddit

Bulls are pretty resilient creatures and can run pretty fast, at least moreso than a dog/person. He would need to get a direct headshot to garuntee death, and even then, he would then need to get out of the way of a half-ton body coming at him at 30 mph.

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Kalel_is_king@reddit

On the back of my land is a dirt road between my ranch and my neighbors. Nothing big ever happens back there but the once a year my neighbor and I cut or plow mesquite. Couple years ago he put his bull back there and told me he just needed to separate it out for a few months and he even redid his and my fence 1/4 mile each side. Well couple guys decided to race up and down that private road on a side by side. Bull got mad broke fence and chased them until it caught them and then knocked over their ride. Oh man that bull chased those guys for a bit. Crying and running. When I got the call from the cops to go out and help I drove out and they were both cut up by barb wire and sitting next to my fence. Cops came and cited them for trespass. That vehicle sat for a month before I got another call from another guy asking to get it. But don’t want trouble with that bull. Lol people sometimes have no idea what trouble you can find on a dirt road

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pegwinn@reddit

Yep. That’s a good one.

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mohirl@reddit

What sort of AI generated garbage is this? Reactants pocket?

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reddredd_wine@reddit

I would give you a vote but you’re at -69 right now and I don’t want to ruin it.

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Silent_Tea_5690@reddit

You AI squawkers need to give it a rest. Every post you show up like freaking parrots blaming AI for everything and anything. This joke is older than dirt.

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DoctorGregoryFart@reddit

Hmm your comment is pretty suspicious. The use of common idioms is a huge red flag. /s

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GolbogTheDoom@reddit (OP)

You must be fun at parties

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Little-geek@reddit

It passes the sniff test for me, but I am curious where "reactant" came from. I don't believe it's an English word (sounds like it's supposed to be "reagent" imo, which also makes no sense) so autocorrupt doesn't do it, and I'm not really sure what it's supposed to be otherwise.

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GolbogTheDoom@reddit (OP)

Oh that was supposed to be rear or back or something but it got autocorrected lol. Oops

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Kevin4938@reddit

that was supposed to be rear or back or something but it got autocorrected

Then edit it? Just a thought.

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GolbogTheDoom@reddit (OP)

I did. It should show up correctly

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CrazyCat_NotALady@reddit

I think "rear end" got changed to "reactant"

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bikealot@reddit

This joke is way older than AI my dude. It’s been told in various forms over the years. Believe it or not there is content not generated by AI!

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tenth@reddit

It is a very old joke. Are you at the AI generated garbage?

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litux@reddit

Agent, reagent and reactant!

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finicky88@reddit

It's a pretty old joke

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jeffsuzuki@reddit

ICE version: "Yes, but whatever you do don't go into the shack in the south part of the field."

ICE agents kick down the door of the shack and discover that there was a hornet's nest behind it.

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Educational-Hold-559@reddit

Had me a good ole laugh. Thanks for posting 😂😂😂

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SupaDave71@reddit

It’s a funny joke, but I was like, “you gotta warrant?”

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gzuckier@reddit

Hiker about to cross pasture: "Is that bull safe?" Farmer: "He sure is" Farmer to hiker frantically running across pasture with bull chasing him: "But you're not"

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MontEcola@reddit

I have a question for those who post comments like this:

Good old #139.

I have seen that one before. In fact, I see it at least 3 times as a comment to this post.

So is that comment Gold Old # 140? Or is it Good old # 241?

-asking for a friend.

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gzuckier@reddit

Gold ood #139.

Hahaha

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GolbogTheDoom@reddit (OP)

Most jokes on here have been retold at some point or another. Those comments are making a joke out of it by pretending it’s been documented or something like that

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MontEcola@reddit

asking for a friend

-Code for 'I am being sarcastic here, cause I would never ask such a thing'.

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BigMarket1517@reddit

Whoosh. ;-)

(I am fairly sure gp knows this)

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GolbogTheDoom@reddit (OP)

Oh yeah I’m stupid XD

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Weird_Comparison_551@reddit

After the DEA team thoroughly searched the entire field, the farmer and his wife sighed with relief, at not having to pay for the field to be tilled and now they could pay their mortgage!

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