As a woman was leaving the bank, she suddenly remembered she had forgotten the car keys inside.
Posted by New2RedBeNice@reddit | Jokes | View on Reddit | 89 comments
She went back and asked everyone, but no one had seen the keys. She searched her purse again.
"Oh no! I left the keys in the car!"
She ran to the parking lot in a panic—only to find the car missing!
She called the police, reported the car stolen, gave them the license plate number, and admitted the keys were left inside.
Trying to calm down, she nervously made the hardest call of her life—to her husband. Stammering, she told him the car had been stolen.
He thundered back, "I dropped you at the bank—you didn’t take the car!"
She sighed in relief and thanked God, then asked him to come pick her up.
Her husband replied, "Sure I’ll come... just as soon as I convince the police I didn’t steal your car!"
TabooDiver@reddit
I locked my keys in the car. I had to get a locksmith. I wasn't much worried about my car being stolen, but I had left all my windows down and was afraid it would rain. My teenage kids were in the back seat and would've gotten soaked.
Mission_Conflict_322@reddit
Something similar happened to me, years ago... My car was stolen, I reported it at the police station. A week later my neighbor came over, she told me she just spotted my car and told me where she saw it. It was only 3 kilometers away, I jumped on my bicycle and rushed there. Yes, there it was... Just when I wanted to open the drivers door, a posting cop in civilian clothes grabbed me by my arm and told me in a loud voice that I was caught red handed. No ID on me because I rushed out, so it took a while to clear things up.
Zealousideal_Luck322@reddit
Obviously not in the UK They don’t give a flying fuck about stolen cars I witnessed someone trying to break into a car locally and promptly called the Police who said they’d be there “immediately” Over five years later the lazy bone idle fuckers still haven’t arrived, nor ever contacted me back. Unfortunately I didn’t know who the car belonged to otherwise I could have contacted their insurance company and let them argue it out with the useless ignorant lazy fuckers who literally allowed this to happen.
Wrong_Suggestion_123@reddit
Could have left a note on their windshield, perhaps?
Zealousideal_Luck322@reddit
What ?….. On a car which had been stolen, and driven away ?
Now, How, pray, would I have found it, to put a note on the “Windshield”.
On Foot ?…. ….and what should this note say ?
“Hey Thieves ? I now know where you’ve taken this stolen vehicle to, and where it came from, but be good chaps and tell the original owner !” ?…. Do thieves respond favourably to such requests where you’re from ? PS I absolutely love your, such appropriate, user name “Wrong_Suggestion_123” it seems to apt and sweet
Wrong_Suggestion_123@reddit
Haha, I stand corrected! Somehow misread that bit of your post as "trying to steal". Apologies 😊
Zealousideal_Luck322@reddit
Apologies. I had a second post which expanded further, and another Redditor and I got into a stupid argument. I Deleted a comment of mine which then deleted their replies too. It then stopped making any sense and I thought your comment was possibly also from them. I was now not able to cross check that as the whole to and fro had disappeared. I edited my original post to state they had made off with the car. You were right, it did originally say “attempt” I was going to message you directly but actually this needed to be public as you were inadvertently made to look like you hadn’t read my post correctly, you had.
Wrong_Suggestion_123@reddit
That's the most unexpected, lovely response I've ever recieved here. Thank you 😊
SconeBracket@reddit
I'm just flabbergasted that you've waited five years. That's some dedication.
OIlIIIll0@reddit
Plot twist, it was the owner who had locked their keys in the car.
GuestStarr@reddit
I locked myself out of my car frequently back in the eighties. No central locking, two doors. I'd first press down the passenger side button to lock, get out of the car, press down the driver side button, hold the handle and close the door. And immediately after doing that I'd notice the keys inside the car. I'd eventually learn how to open the lock from outside in less than 15 seconds. But one of the first times I did that and when I was clumsily trying to open the lock, there was a police car that came and parked right next to me. "Ahem, what's going on here?" They actually helped me that time. They used the tools you see in the movies and they were even quicker than I ever got in that.
OIlIIIll0@reddit
I had a work truck where I would lock my keys in all the time. I live in an area that I don’t have to worry about my stuff getting stolen so I leave the keys in the ignition, and my kid bumped the lock button a half dozen times getting out. I have a set of lock out tools I keep in my garage.
Zealousideal_Luck322@reddit
Are you an Ignorant Police Fuckwit ?
Or…Civilian Ignorant Fuckwit ?
OIlIIIll0@reddit
I’m joking in a subreddit called jokes fuckwit
Zealousideal_Luck322@reddit
You have indeed confirmed you’re an ignorant Fuckwit, but the question was Police ignorant Fuckwit or Civilian ignorant Fuckwit
OIlIIIll0@reddit
Listen lady, at this point I’m just a fuckwit you
Zealousideal_Luck322@reddit
Well yes the subreddit is r/jokes that’s true, but the comment by Mission_Conflict_322 was relating to a supposedly true event which I was skeptical about relating to my experience of the lazy bone idle useless parasitic twats who are the police in the UK relating to when I witnessed a car theft which the Police never bothered following up nor attending
AvgBoomer@reddit
Harrisburg, PA, USA... my car was stolen. I watched them drive away with it and called the police immediately. Six months later, I got a fine in the mail for my "abandoned" vehicle. It had been moved 3 blocks from where it was stolen and stripped in a parking lot on a main street frequented by cops.
Dyanpanda@reddit
My dads truck got stolen, we reported it 2 hours later from the camera. 3 days later we get told it was found. the department tells us it was 20 miles away, call this other department. After a run around, the 3rd department looks up the impound # and determines, it HAS to be the original department. They pretend like they didn't just give me the runaround for an hour.
I find out the impound lot has had our car for 3 days, and the cops just never decided to tell us. It was found 1 mile away the same day we called.
PM_YOUR__BUBBLE_BUTT@reddit
Yes check out my one and only post here on Reddit. I hate people sometimes man.
Doblanon5short@reddit
Have you been waiting there the whole time?
Zealousideal_Luck322@reddit
No I waited until they actually got into the car and I saw them driving it away. It took about a quarter of an hour from what I remember. I phoned the Police again when I saw it actually being driven off and told them which way it went. (I was on foot). They said they’d call at my home address to take a statement. They’ve not called at the house, so far as I’m aware, they haven’t phoned me back on my mobile, nor emailed or written to me.
checker280@reddit
“Hey dude. I watched some guy steal your car? As soon as you walked away and was out of site, some guy unlocked the door with a slim, then took his time getting the engine started. Don’t worry though because I copied down the license plate number”
ras344@reddit
So they found your car and just left it there as bait?
Icy_Research_5099@reddit
Car thieves will sometimes move a stolen car to a second location and leave it there for a while in order to see if the car has Lo-Jack or another tracking device. If no one finds it for a while, they conclude it's safe and then it goes to the chop shop or wherever.
Police have caught on to that, so if they really want to go after a car thief, they'll sit on a car for a while and wait for someone to come back for it.
Mechasteel@reddit
I approve of this, actually putting effort to catch a theif. There's a decent chance the thief would return in a few hours, great chance to catch the thief red-handed. What are the odds a neighbor spots the car and tells the owner and the owner shows up and gets arrested?
Kathucka@reddit
This is a fantastic setup, but it lost steam at the punch line.
ShortCurlies@reddit
Her husband replied, "Sure I’ll come... just as soon as I PAY MY BAIL AND GET OUT OF JAIL!!
VincentVancalbergh@reddit
True stories often do
Raffeall@reddit
True story 😂
Dropped wife to meet her friend at the mall. Got called hours later saying she couldn’t find the car.
Icy_Sector3183@reddit
Colleague of mine got a call that their car was stolen at the mall. As he got his jacket to head out to help, I asked if she might have just forgot where it was parked.
"Yes, she might. But I can't tell her that!"
It was parked on the same spot on a different level.
Superb-Difference-31@reddit
Oh, nooo. Can't find the car in a multilevel carpark. It's not even funny. Happens to me from time to time.
SillyAmericanKniggit@reddit
When I get to big parking garages, I always take a picture to remind myself where I parked.
kaerahis@reddit
Haha this reminds me of a time my Mom and I went to the beach and had to use multi-level parking. We were both super tired when we parked and forgot to look at what level we were on. It took us an hour to find the car. And we were close because I could hear the beep but it echoed and sounded like it was up when it was down or vice versa.
ShortCurlies@reddit
True story: Wife went to the mall. Called later and asked me to bring the spare keys. She locked the keys in the car...with the engine running...and the kids buckled into the car seats in the back seat.
Raffeall@reddit
Yikes. That must have been scary
bsee_xflds@reddit
Former job was next door to a grocery store. I would often walk there during break to buy a snack. One day after work I came within a tenth second of calling the police to report my car stolen during work. Just then I realized I drove to the grocery store before work and walked to work out of habit.
rde42@reddit
There was a man in the UK who worked for a computer company. He lived in Watford, just outside London, and sometimes had to go to one day meetings in Manchester. He was one of many managers who'd been inherited following a merger, and not all of them were of the best.
One day he went to Manchester for a meeting. At the end of the day, he was chatting to a colleague who lived near him in London. Said colleague kindly offered him a lift to save the hassle of getting the train, and he accepted.
Colleague dropped him outside his house. He went in, and his wife said "Oh, hello darling, that's a surprise - I didn't hear the car".
This really happened.
Keats852@reddit
That man was you, wasn't it
ballrus_walsack@reddit
Yes. Yes it was.
(Why 20 characters minimum?)
Acrobatic_Matter_109@reddit
We're all asking that question.
Witold4859@reddit
It's probably to eliminate thoughtless answers such as
this
duh
first
yes
no
F off (insert slur here)
SconeBracket@reddit
this yes so I read um
protip: you can also just hit a bunch of times and a smiley face.
Mechasteel@reddit
Had my car stolen while in college. Went to my car to get my lunch between classes, car is gone. Reported it to campus police, went to other classes, later found my car near where I had been looking. Went back to campus police, told them sorry I was nuts, they showed me a picture of my grandfather's car. Gramps took the car to get the tires changed while I was in class.
Artisan_sailor@reddit
What a hero! Surprise backfired a bit though.
SconeBracket@reddit
Backfired? Dude did seven years for GTA :(
falcopilot@reddit
Neighbor's car was stolen from their driveway. As he was walking down the street to catch a bus, his phone connected to the car's bluetooth- looked around and saw it in a convenience store parking lot with someone sitting in it. When the guy got out, he calmly got in and drove it away... what are you going to do, call 911 and report that your [stolen] car was stolen?
Witold4859@reddit
That was one unlucky crook, though not as unlucky as the one who accidentally stole a policeman's personal vehicle.
whyamihere999@reddit
Once, I took our bike to drop off my parents luggage on a railway station which is barely 200mts away from our house.
I came back walking as I used to travel by train everyday on my way to and from college. Since it was 200mts, I always went walking.
So back to the day when I dropped the luggage, I walked back home, and while trying to unlock the house I realized that I had bike keys in my hand. It was then I remembered that I left the bike at the side of road near railway station's entry gate!
Walked back again to get it.
Acrobatic_Matter_109@reddit
You're lucky it was still there!
whyamihere999@reddit
It wasn't going to go anywhere.. people generally park their vehicles there for smaller amount of times.. it hardly took me 5-10 minutes to reach there.. and if we add in the time since I had parked it, it was there for hardly half an hour. It's just that it was around 5 or 6 o'clock and not many people were around.. also I had keys in my hands and not on bike.. no fear of thieves and we didn't have no parking zones back then..
Acrobatic_Matter_109@reddit
You must tell me where you live so I can move there. A couple of years ago a gardener and his assistant came to cut down a tree in my back garden. When he arrived, I let him in through the side wooden gate. My partner's bicycle was parked up against the wall, just beyond the gate. The gardener told me it would be best to move the bike, so when they brought the tree trunk and branches out to the front to load on to their van, the bike didn't get damaged.
So I wheeled the bike a few feet forward and left it propped up in my small driveway. I locked the back gate from inside, walked round to the back door and was on my way through the kitchen to go to the front door to retrieve the bike and leave it in the hallway. As I was passing through the kitchen, I stopped to put the kettle on and put out a couple of mugs (which took less than 90 seconds), then walked down the short hallway, opened the front door and walked out to pick up the bike.
I expect you can guess what I'm going to say next. Some bastard had nicked the bike. I couldn't believe it. I was dumbstruck. I looked up and down the road, saw no one, so presumed the thief had taken the short path near the house that leads to the railway station. To this day, I could kick myself for not doing things differently and for being too trusting for those 90 seconds!!
whyamihere999@reddit
Lol! I realised halfway through your comment that I actually should have mentioned motorcycle in my comment instead of just bike.
I live in India. We call motorcycle as bike (eventhough there's no 'bi' in that word) and call bicycle as cycle.
It's been more than 15 years since I started reading on internet. At first, whenever I read bike on internet, I used to visualize motorcycle. Then would realise that the person is talking about bicycle after the sentence started making no logic. This happened quite a lot.
After some years, I developed a knack of reading the name of the person (on FB) to make sure whether they're Indian or a foreigner so that I can visualize correct vehicle. If they're Indian, I'd visualize motorcycle when they said bike and if they're foreigner, I'd visualize a bicycle.
On reddit, I assume everyone as foreigner except when I'm on indian subreddits. So I actually was visualizing a bicycle all the way through your comments. But somehow, my Indian brain still typed-in bike and didn't realise to mention that it was a motorcycle in the original comment.
Acrobatic_Matter_109@reddit
That's funny how we were talking at cross purposes for so long. However, I'm going to take the blame for the confusion because you did give me one clue, which I initially ignored. You mentioned in an earlier comment about still having the keys on you, and I should have put two and two together - because you don't have a set of keys to start up a bicycle! (I probably assumed you had something like a cable lock securing your "bike" - which doesn't make sense, now I come to think of it.)
Well, you've taught me one thing: whenever I read the word bike, I'm never going to make another comment unless I ascertain exactly what sort of bike it is. I do have a legitimate defence for this misunderstanding....I'm blonde!! Lol.
Witold4859@reddit
I wish to point out that hair colour has no correlation with intelligence. I have met some really smart blondes, and some really dumb brunettes.
Perfect_House2143@reddit
it became a story when you wrote “thanked God”, what is it with thanking an imaginary entity for a situation he/him/she/her had nothing to do with
Acrobatic_Matter_109@reddit
When people say 'thank God', most of us aren't thinking of the word 'God' as a deity. It's just a common expression, like 'thank goodness', or a similar phrase. I say 'thank God' a lot, and I'm not at all religious.
DoogleSmile@reddit
Same here. Lots of words and sayings that have a religious origin are used for non-religious uses.
I don't believe in any gods but still say stuff like "for the love of god" or " Jesus Christ!" when something annoying or surprising happens.
They're just words and sayings that we grew up hearing.
fromhelley@reddit
Los Angeles.
Went to see a chili peppers concert, and the car was stolen. This is decades ago, so no cell phone. This is at the Forum, a large 16000 person stadium. Huge parking lot, i think 8 lots altogether.
The first police that came by said "keep looking, it here somewhere". The second cop car said "you'll find it when you sober up". We weren't drunk.
Third cop, just laughs and says we need to look harder. This girl is was there with hopped on their hood as they tried to pull away. Told them we know where we parked and have looked for 2 hours. Reminded them it is their job to file a report.
So all 3 of us hop into the cop car. They drive us all round each different lot, and no 1997 red jetta is seen. They finally gave us a ride to the station, filed a report, and let us make a call for a ride home. It was 330am now, and the concert was over just before midnight.
Never saw that car again!
Car thieves suck!
nrnrnr@reddit
Wholesome. Yes, wholesome.
Lumpy_Hope2492@reddit
I understand it, but how is this a joke? A woman thought her car was stolen, reported it, and her husband who had the car got found by the police and is angry. Where is the funny?
Acrobatic_Matter_109@reddit
In theory, it may not be a joke, per se. However, most of the comments have been anecdotes, and anecdotes happen to be amusing or interesting true incidents. Therefore, as most of us are smiling while reading these "anecdotes", then it's true to say 'the cap definitely fits'.
DavidinCT@reddit
Total red flag for this woman....lol
SageTracee@reddit
True story - workmate phoned her husband at the end of the day to ask him what time he would be there to pick her up. Then, "Oh, yeah, um, I did drive to work this morning, didn't I."
Few-Serve3238@reddit
Almost happened to me today. Good thing I left the back windows open.
Waikoloa60@reddit
Similar story. A relative usually drove and parked at the Rose Bowl for games. This time, though, he decided to try the bus and avoid the traffic and parking costs. After the game, he looked and looked for his car, couldn't find it, reported it stolen. Police drove him home. Car sitting in the driveway.
SharpTool7@reddit
I got a letter into he mail from a tow company saying I need to come pick up my truck and pay the fees. I walk out side and see my truck is still outside, but the license plate is missing.
I drive over to tow place and tell them I'm here to pick up my truck.
The guy looks in the computer and he looks nervous when he says the truck has already been picked up.
I had to contact the police and order new license plates. Cost me $100.
They had used my plates on a similar stolen truck.
Skumbag0-5@reddit
I left my car at a park and ride once so I could take light rail downtown to get wasted. Somehow got home that night, woke up the next morning, car was missing, filed a police report, remembered later that day where I left my car. An embarrassing call back to the police who said that they get that all the time haha
17riffraff@reddit
Petah? I don't understand this plz help
Belzaem@reddit
While working as an apartment assistant manager, one of our tenant came to me and the manager crying that her car was stolen from our car garage.
Admittedly, I was purely confused why her cheap old Nissan was stolen while there are several BMWs and Mercedes in our garage if our posh apartment we called cops and they came to take report. I did not look forward to having to contact every tenants to change the garage door remote code since one was also stolen along with her car.
Next day she came back to our office and looking very embarrassed. She hesitatingly said that she realized that she took the car to a nearby store for her shopping and decided to walk home, forgetting about her parked car.
We were very professional with her and told her that it’s normal for everyone to make those kind of mistakes and we would be happy to refund her deposit for the garage door remote.
As soon as she left our office, we laughed our asses off.
Sunshine2661@reddit
LOL😂🤣🤪 Too funny 🙃😝😂
Woody_L@reddit
Sounds like senility has entered the conversation.
Acrobatic_Matter_109@reddit
Hello. Did someone mention my name?
Castle_of_Jade@reddit
No you’re just imagining things go back to sleep.
Material_Key7477@reddit
1992 (before mobile phones) one of our friends in college had a 30 year old car which could be operated with just about any key. One day 4 of us skipped the last class and moved his car from the back street to the front gate of our college, which was incidentally directly opposite a police station.
When our friend couldn't find his car where he had parked, we pretended to join the search. Each of us went in a different direction. Little did we know that he would go directly to the police, not see the car parked right there and instead lodge a car theft complaint.
The officer made us sweat for an hour, threatened to call our parents and then let us off with a warning - 'if there is ever another car theft in this area, you guys are my prime suspects.'
One-Veterinarian-942@reddit
Did this to my brother in law. While he was visiting, we lent him my car. My wife and I used her car. We saw my car at the grocery store and couldn't resist doing a swap. (He had a copy of both keys) Poor guy, 20 years later I still feel bad for the pannick attack we gave him. My wife says he deserved it, so, there's that.🙂
JimDixon@reddit
This is true: Some years ago, a prominent Minnesota politician reported his car stolen. State patrol recovered it from a parking lot near where he had gone drinking the previous night. He had got drunk and a friend drove him home, and next day he remembered none of it. (Sorry; I can't remember exactly who. Governor? Mayor of St. Paul? Definitely not the current one.)
shial3@reddit
Happened in January 2021, Minnesota State Representative Dan Wolgamott. This wasn’t the only time, he had issues and got a DUI as well for a different incident.
JimDixon@reddit
Strange: the name "Wolgamott" doesn't ring a bell. I could swear it was someone more well-known than that. I could also swear it was longer ago than 4 years. But I remember it was in winter. Could there have been more than one person this happened to?
aph64@reddit
Once left work together with a collegea and walked to the parking lot, chatting. Couldn’t find my car, so I had to walk back to phone home (long before cellphones), and then saw my helmet on top of the locker….
Itsamop@reddit
Good one! Thanks for sharing.
Pop-metal@reddit
Where’s the joke?? Another ai post?
BuiltMackTough@reddit
The police had him, because the car was reported stolen, and he was in it....
Marquar234@reddit
"Please hurry, it's starting to rain and the top's down."
Frosty_Blueberry1858@reddit
I had just passed my driver test and 16yo me kept bugging my mom for 'errands' to run so I could use the family car. She relented and told me to run down to the corner store and get a gallon of milk. I snagged the car keys and drove four blocks to the 7-11. I just so happened to work at that store so I parked on the side of the building (employees were supposed to keep the front spots clear for customers) and went inside. I spent 20-minutes chatting with my friends then bought the milk and walked home. half an hour later my sister walked in the house, saw that everyone else was home and asked "where's the car?" I jumped up and announced "I'll be right back!" I ran back to the store and retrived the car.
Life imitates art!
Personal_Turnover358@reddit
Went into town with small children, one only a few weeks old. When I got home I had an absolute panic as the car had been stolen from the drive. Until I remembered that I'd driven into town and forgotten and got the bus home. Had to cross the road and get the bus back to retrieve the car. Had a parking ticket by the time I got back to add insult to injury....
tdm17mn@reddit
😂😂😂 Thank you for the much needed laugh!
mikemaca@reddit
I knew a woman who did this. She was extremely absent minded, what some call "confuddled".
Single_Ronda@reddit
Way too hilarious. Thank you