I recently ejaculated over three feet, I’m not sure if this is a world record.

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Lord-Doobury@reddit

You mean two people? One with an amputated leg?

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Disastrous_Dress_922@reddit

Or to whom the three feet belonged...

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Monkeyshades@reddit

My first thought was that OP was in a threesome and their cum fell over everyone's toes

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cwsjr2323@reddit

Well, if you are pointing down, that is believable.

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Taurus-1956@reddit

I’ve never had “feet” come out. Surely a world record just for that

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Professional-Dig7501@reddit

Still can’t beat Paki Fighter plane pilot who ejaculated for 100s of metres while his plane was crashing

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grepusman@reddit

My doctor told me I had to stop masturbating. I asked him why. He said “because I’m trying to examine you“.

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Yet if he didn't do anything to affect it and just let it ride as he did in his first term. They would say look at what a great job he's doing like they did in his first term when he just let Obama economic policies run the economy.

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OkAd7022@reddit

Who's 3 feet were they, were there 2 people 1 who was an amputee.

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Tall-Seller@reddit

Three feet? That’s a liquid long jump! Aim higher, champ, but maybe not at the ceiling! 😝

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Rogue_1993@reddit

Two I can understand, but was the third one yours or a random one you found?

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dogg909@reddit

Why was the second guy standing on one foot?

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kasemj@reddit

Oh, I didn’t see that cumming.

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sorrysaks@reddit

Standing on your head doesn’t count

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emorab85@reddit

One foot didn’t get any love.

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CCTreghan@reddit

I'm not welcome back to the shoe store.

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tangcameo@reddit

My ejaculation got into the Guinness Book of World Records. I’m not allowed in that bookstore anymore.

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Boobzillagirl@reddit

omg such a naught guy haha

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aldomacd1987@reddit

That's why I stick to the library, don't worry it's a reference only book

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bravoromeokilo@reddit

And why the library books stick together

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Rusty_Squeezebox@reddit

And that's why the stick is up my butt

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sweetpotatowedges21@reddit

It’s great to see how far you’ve come

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Boobzillagirl@reddit

somehow this made me giggle hihi

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No_Eye7278@reddit

I was just going to say they’ve come a long way!

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Make_the_music_stop@reddit

I've been telling girls that recently I came into a lot of money. Masturbating into an ATM doesn't have the same ring to it.

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_Lane_@reddit

Bowen Yang said this exact thing to Lady Gaga during their duet on SNL earlier this year! "I recently came into some money. There were no tissues nearby, and I had to blast it somewhere, so why not a wad of twenties?" https://youtu.be/GFH7tINxGng

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Pun_In_Ten_Did@reddit

Shout out to SNL's _Mercury Mistress_ sketch... a car that has a vagina so you can fuck it when you get the urge. (And yes, that is 'Cyril Figgis' taking the car to pound town) https://www.tiktok.com/@thealmanac77/video/7343222159218674950?lang=en

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_Lane_@reddit

OMG, that was totally new to me. I am a bit surprised they didn't have a beaver crossing the road instead of a raccoon, though. And probably a good thing that insurance denied his penis ensmallment operation.

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Pun_In_Ten_Did@reddit

Excellent call on the beaver! Yeah, that seems like a 'skit miss'

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Valdestrate@reddit

Same! I've always had the money though, I just recently came into it!

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lukin187250@reddit

Remember, easy come, easy go.

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agent_uno@reddit

Wait till you’re in your mid-40s!

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homer01010101@reddit

He must be a long jumper!

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NeverHideOnBush@reddit

I know the feeling, did it say wossssssssh?

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thestupidstillburns@reddit

Better comment than the actual joke.

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EmergencyAdmirable92@reddit

With great power comes great responsibility

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DonMillette@reddit

Did one of the three feet belong to you? Asking for a friend…..

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BarracudaFar2281@reddit

Clean off that ceiling!

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PlantLikeMe@reddit

It's not.

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DeathwatchHelaman@reddit

You can go and partipate in the Jerk and Clean event at the Olympics.

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SP1570@reddit

Honestly this would work with 2 or 4...but now I have this image of a 3 legged person...

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gbroon@reddit

Amputees are allowed to be characters in a joke as long as it's done with the correct context.

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Learn1Thing@reddit

So if someone were to take the context of this joke to court, do you think they’d have a case?

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Passing4human@reddit

No idea. Sorry, I'm stumped.

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GryffyddLongbow@reddit

They wouldn't have a leg to stand on.

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Least_Buyer7511@reddit

i guess they have to sit down for themselves

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A_Stoned_Smurf@reddit

Yeah, like laughing at them.

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micknick0000@reddit

Could be 3, in this case.

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heatdapoopoo@reddit

it may have been a bar stool with three legs.

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agent_uno@reddit

I once had a 3 foot stool. Not only was it a pain in the ass, but it was impossible to flush!

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No-Law9999@reddit

Or is it one of your own feet...

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e136@reddit

Also I feel that distance isn't impressive

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SFLA_MILKMAN@reddit

I got you beat when I was 29 I ejaculated on the corner of my block and shot out the street light.

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TheRealGahzirra@reddit

When I was like 13-14 I used to lay in bed and hit the ceiling, it was quite impressive. Now it comes out like motor oil. Maybe I should drink more water 🤔

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tlk0153@reddit

Or raise your bed much closer to the ceiling

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williamsch@reddit

Little too much fun at the urinal

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vege12@reddit

What do you do if you come across an elephant in the jungle? Wipe it off and say sorry!

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bje1234@reddit

So don’t stand right next to your 3 legged dog next time

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rubseb@reddit

I once urinated over a meter. Apparently that's enough to get you banned from taking any more taxis for a year.

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Friendly-Distance-69@reddit

Could be a long shot, but I think it may be a record.

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Amazing-Exit-2213@reddit

This joke doesn't convert to metric.

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Necessary-Ad7150@reddit

In dutch meter means godmother 😬

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BadHorsemonkey@reddit

I ejaculated over a meter! The electrician was not happy…

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bravoromeokilo@reddit

I came over five pounds! Frankly I’d have done it for two quid, though

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CanadianLoony@reddit

you sure came a long way

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Murphygreen8484@reddit

I bet I could go toe to toe with you

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ENaC2@reddit

Perks of working in the amputation ward of a hospital.

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Jake_Mancusso@reddit

I once ejaculated over two breasts, so I win.

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rickfrompg@reddit

The second guy was an amputee

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sanctum9@reddit

Not many girls have three feet. Were her parents related ?

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amw11@reddit

You are your username

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kcufo@reddit

When you get old, it’s a dribble. So own while you can, king!!

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gt40mkii@reddit

Who's feet were they?

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_nolanberollin_@reddit

I might try changing this to “Or who the Third foot belonged to…”

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JeighNeither@reddit

Lol, nope, but impressive.

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huesmann@reddit

Question: why would he need to be released *on bail* if he wasn't charged with a crime?

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BigNastySmellyFarts@reddit

I’ll pass on walking a mile in those shoes

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christoroth@reddit

I’m not allowed in the morgue any more

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j3rdog@reddit

I was there I didn’t do as good as you so I had to admit defeet.

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Insert_Bad_Joke@reddit

For those of you that got curious: The world record is 18 feet and 9 inches (5,71 m)

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airJordan45@reddit

Alternate punchline: I recently ejaculated over three feet, I’m not sure if this is a world record, **but the guy in the stall next to me was pissed.**

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SafetyDanceInMyPants@reddit

Or: “And that was my last day as a podiatrist.”

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valhon99@reddit

Is that why you’re banned from the Shoe Store?

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iansmash@reddit

Not even close brother

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hainz_area1531@reddit

He shouldn't be working in a shoe store....

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ItsDiLL33@reddit

“Or even how I got the balls”

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SirDigbyChickenC-Zer@reddit

Typical Tuesday night buddy, get over yourself

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talkingtongues@reddit

He got it over more than himself.

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Dyrogitory@reddit

If they belonged to one person, that would be quite a feat!

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AccurateChemistry283@reddit

I entered a blindfolded wanking competition. I don’t know where I came

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edgarecayce@reddit

Well I ejaculated over ten yards. My neighbors are t too happy about it.

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Name_Chex_Out@reddit

The worst thing I’ve ever come across while browsing Reddit… my keyboard.

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BeerHorse@reddit

I think we need a metric version for the rest of the world. I recently ejaculated over three meters. I thought maybe this was a record, but instead I got fired from the electric company.

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michiganbhunter@reddit

I recently ejaculated over 3m. I thought this was a record, but now I have to pay for their office to be cleaned.

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crazyaoshi@reddit

How the elephant got in my pajamas I'll never know.

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OpenScore@reddit

Well, even if you came in second place, you still get a medal.

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WhereHasLogicGone@reddit

Second place gets a pearl necklace

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DBSmiley@reddit

It's nice that you're handing out prizes, but is there a reason that you call your sister second place?

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anderoogigwhore@reddit

(converted to metric?) At a recent orgy, I ejaculated over 2m! I was aiming for 2f but the guys were closer

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Bbop512@reddit

I entered a masturbation contest! I came in 1st and 3rd

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anderoogigwhore@reddit

It's not a record, I recently ejaculated over 906 feet. I am also banned from the Eiffel Tower too...

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sendmepics-@reddit

Lying on the floor or from a roof top?

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discernible_sky_orbs@reddit

Great, who invited the one-legged man to the ass kicking contest?

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woodysdad@reddit

Not sure if this is true, it's hard to swallow

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chuffed_mustard@reddit

Someone's getting a bit salty

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Maximum_Pace885@reddit

Speaking of salty things....I remember one time after a trip to California where I smuggled 2 quarts of GHB on the plane we had a party. 🤚hold the torches.....everyone knew they were going to drink something technically labeled as a date R... drug. My friend's sister instantly said it tasted like sperm. I was pissed. Told her she ruined it for me....now anytime I try to get a buzz off it I just think of drinking jizz and instantly get sick.

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SuNNY__AheR@reddit

Why I'm sure OP spitting facts

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monkeybather@reddit

Was it a midget or is there a dark p*phile joke in this?

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Beauphedes_Knutz@reddit

Peter North would let you know that is nothing. He has probably hit the ceiling more times than anyone.

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ProgRockDan@reddit

Sounds like a record to me.

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oily76@reddit

That's the all-comers record for sure.

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Unlikely-Local42@reddit

I'll just throw this in for laughs, as someone with a twice reconstructed right arm and titanium neck....when pissing at a theater in a stall, use your left hand, for if you piss on a neighbor's feet you gonna have a conversation you don't want to have!

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