Mary had a little lamb...
Posted by jschinker@reddit | Jokes | View on Reddit | 73 comments
But she was still hungry, so she had a little more.
Posted by jschinker@reddit | Jokes | View on Reddit | 73 comments
But she was still hungry, so she had a little more.
JasonBreslin@reddit
Mary had a little lamb
She also had a duck
She put them on the mantelpiece
To see if they would... fall off.
Mary had a little lamb
She kept it in a bucket
And every time the lamb got out
The sheepdog tried to... put it back in again.
Mary had a little lamb
She fed it very well
One day, she fed it dynamite
And blew it all to... pieces.
BeardedMass@reddit
Mary had a little lamb,
She tied it to a pylon,
10,000 volts went up its bum,
And turned its wool to nylon.
Plisken87@reddit
Mary had a little lamb
She also had a bear
I’ve often seen her little lamb
But I’ve never seen her bare
Rough_Leadership_954@reddit
I saw Mary almost bare. I saw her from the front. I saw very little hair
123finebyme@reddit
Mary had a little lamb It had a touch of Colic She gave it brandy twice a day And now it's alcoholic
fidgeter@reddit
Is…is that how you make nylon?
ThimeeX@reddit
Mary had a cast iron cow,
That swallowed a box of pins.
Now every time she milks that thing,
The milk comes out in tins.
sleekitweeman@reddit
Mary had a little lamb
A big bus knocked it dead
She still takes it school each day
Between two slice of bread
Liquor_N_Whorez@reddit
My friend and I made Mary a sandwich,
I tell ya it was fun!
There was plenty of mayo on Mary..,
with our weiners in her buns,
Rough_Leadership_954@reddit
Buns how many does she have?
AverageDemocrat@reddit
mary had a little lamb
and the doctor was surprised
finkht1701@reddit
Mary had a little lamb, its fleece was white as snow. And everywhere that Mary went, the lamb was sure to go. But Mary found the cost of lamb had soared, which didn’t please her. Tonight she’s having leg of lamb, the rest is in the freezer.
OriginalMiserable347@reddit
Needs a “surely” or something - “which surely didn’t please her”, to keep the meter right
Any_Flounder_5608@reddit
Um, no - the meter is correct as is. Look at it in this format:
...the lamb was sure to go.
[But] Mary found the cost of lamb
Had soared, which didn't please her.
Tonight she's having leg of lamb,
The rest is in the freezer.
Existing_Wasabi_8042@reddit
Mary had a little lamb, smacked her lips and asked for more
Smooth-Ad-6936@reddit
As much as Pooh missed Piglet, he had to admit that was one delicious pork sandwich.
adblr@reddit
Mary had a little lamb
The midwife died of shock
Deitaphobia@reddit
WHERE IS THE LAMB SAUCE?
Automatic-Tadpole314@reddit
Mary had a little watch She swallowed it one day The doctor gave her castor oil To “pass the time away” The castor did not work The time it would not “pass” So if you want to know what time it is Just look up Mary’s……. Father, He has a watch.
bshensky@reddit
...mint jelly on the side But not before she sheared that bitch And took it for a ride
Giant-of-a-man@reddit
Mary had a little sheep And with the sheep she went to sleep The sheep turned out to be a ram So Mary had a little lamb
Mary had a little lamb Full of tricks and frolics Dhe threw it high up in the air And caught it by the foot
jomabu23@reddit
Mary had a little lamb, his foot was black with soot,
And everywhere that Mary went, his sooty foot he put.
ARobertNotABob@reddit
My personal favourite.
Next_Locksmith_385@reddit
Mary had a little sheep and with the sheep she did sleep the sheep turned out to be a ram and Mary had a little lamb
BackpackerGuy@reddit
Mary had a little lamb
She fed it castor oil
And every time it jumped the fence
It fertilized the soil.
Nitirat@reddit
Mary had a little lamb, You've heard it all before. But then she asked for seconds, And had a little more.
lestairwellwit@reddit
Mary ha a little lamb
The doctor was surprised
SmilingDiamond@reddit
Old McDonald had a farm, the doctor nearly died.
gfanonn@reddit
Mary had a little lamb
The doctor had a cow
lestairwellwit@reddit
The milk would do well in tenderizing the lamb
SmilingDiamond@reddit
Mary had a little lamb, the doctor was surprised.
Kamoebas@reddit
Mary had a little lamb She also had a duck She put them on the mantlepiece To see if they would kiss
TurnerTheWorm@reddit
Mary had a little lamb, it really was quite odd. Cause Mary's lamb took PCP and thought that it was god.
jopheza@reddit
Mary had a little lamb, Green beans and new potatoes. She had it at a carvery, She served herself, no waiters.
John Shuttleworth
IamtheBoomstick@reddit
Mary had a little lamb
STOP
My dog has fleas
STOP
Mairzy doats and dozy doats
STOP
I'll be home for Christmas.
STOP
Your loving son, Queen Victoria
Brief-School362@reddit
Mares eat oats and does eat oats and little lambs eat ivy.
Merle_24@reddit
A kid’ll eat ivy too, wouldn’t you?
Fearchar@reddit
I don't know--sounds a little bit jumbled and jivey to me.🤔
SpongeJake@reddit
Holy crap suddenly I’m back in 1963
Healthy_Ladder_6198@reddit
Mary had a little lamb. Serves her right for sleeping in a barn
jeff-beeblebrox@reddit
You forgot the Ohhhhh!
Suda_Nim@reddit
Mary had a little lamb,
Piece of cheese, slice of ham,
Mary had a chocolate cake
And now she’s got a stomach ache
PeorgieTirebiter@reddit
Mary had a little lamb, An apple and some prunes, A glass of milk, a piece of pie, And then some macaroons. It made the naughty waiters grin To see her order so, And when they carried Mary out, Her face was white as snow.
Current_Brick5305@reddit
Mary had a little lamb
She also had a duck
She put them on a window sill
To see if they would....fall off😁
Soupy_Twist@reddit
Mary had a little lamb. You've heard this tale before, but did you know she passed her plate and had a little more.
fd1Jeff@reddit
Mary had a little lamb
A lobster and some prunes
A glass of milk, a piece of pie
And then some macaroons
It made the naughty waiters grin
To see her eating so
And when they carried Mary out
Her face was white as snow
— from an old joke book
Razbith@reddit
Mary had a little lamb. A little pork, a little ham. Some ice-cream and some soda pop. Now look how fat our Mary's got!
jethrine@reddit
Mary had a little lamb
And tied him to a heater
Every time the poor lamb moved
He burned his little peter
fungochutney@reddit
Mary had a little lamb, Its fleece was black as charcoal, And every time it jumped the fence, You could see its little... eyes roll.
PR35758@reddit
Mary had a little lamb And tied it to the heater Every time he turned around He burned his little Peter
Murphy had a dog...
Fartyfivedegrees@reddit
Mary had a little lamb, with veggies and mint sauce, Oh dearest little lamb, she said, I'm as hungry as a horse.
Optimal_Law_4254@reddit
Mary had a little lamb, A little pork, a little jam A little potted roast. It made the evil wait staff grin to see her order so, For when they carried Mary out Her face was white as snow.
Entire_Ad_6384@reddit
Mary had a little sheep, and with that sheep, she did sleep. The sheep turned out to be a ram, Mary had a little lamb.
Bott@reddit
Mary had a little lamb,
The doctors were surprised.
But when Old MacDonald had a farm
They lost their minds.
SpongeJake@reddit
I would add “friggin’” between “their” and “minds”. Just to keep the meter right.
sasshol3@reddit
Mary had a little lamb, some lobster and some prunes. A glass of milk, a piece of pie, and then some macaroons. It made the busy waiters grin to see her order so, and when they carried Mary out, her face was white as snow
Mediocre-Leather-769@reddit
Mary had a little lamb, a little beef, a little ham, a little soda topped with fizz, oh how sick our Mary is.
Concilium_Orb@reddit
Mary had a little lamb, its fleece was white as snow, and everywhere that Mary went the lamb was sure to go. It followed her school one day, and got f... by a big black dog.
Waitsfornoone@reddit
A teacher goes for a walk on the beach. She finds a shiny magic lamb, picks it up, and rubs it.
The lamb gives her a weird look and runs away.
frmie@reddit
Mary had a little lamb She ate it with mint sauce And everywhere that Mary went The lamb went too of course.
Kinkybenny@reddit
Mary had a little Lamb, with mint jelly. ;-)
GoBlue81@reddit
This has been Dot’s Poetry Corner.
Kinkybenny@reddit
Ha! I heard it on the Benny Hill show many, many years ago!
Indifferent-Ohio69@reddit
Mary had a little lamb
And it was always gruntin' So she tied it to a five bar gate And kicked its little ......
SparkieMark1977@reddit
Mary had a little lamb Johnny had a pup Peter had a crocodile It ate the other up
roloclark@reddit
Mary had a little skirt, With slits right up the sides, And every time she crossed her legs, The lads could see her thighs.
Mary had another skirt, With a slit right up the front, She never wore that one.
Friendly-Balance-853@reddit
... I read this one, closed the tab, went inside, got a glass of soda before my brain finished the rhyme, "up the front. Every time she crossed her legs the boys could see ...oooh!"
wharlie@reddit
Mary had a little lamb.
Its fleece was black as charcoal.
Every time it wagged its tail.
A spark flew out its arsehole.
MAXsenna@reddit
Happy cake day! I'm saving all of these. 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣
Physical-East-7881@reddit
More lamb, bam, thank you ma'am
ChemicalCoconut9215@reddit
Mary had a little lamb Her father shot it dead Now it goes to school with her Between 2 slices of bread
MinFootspace@reddit
Mary had a little Lambo
And showed it off in Monaco
fitblubber@reddit
Mary had a little bear
To whom she was so kind
& everywhere that Mary went
She had a bare behind