A man sits down at a bar looking dejected. The bartender asks,"is everything alright?" The man replies," No, I got in a fight with my wife and she said she won't speak to me for a month." "Maybe that's a good thing", replied the bartender, "a bit of piece and quite."
Posted by StockInitial4460@reddit | Jokes | View on Reddit | 149 comments
"Yeah", the man replies, " Today is the last day."
skinnyminnesota@reddit
“Piece and quite” is the funniest part
BetNice1736@reddit
This is what happens when we abandon phonics.
eigervector@reddit
It’s phonetically correct.
Geloradanan@reddit
Is that the 2nd best kind of correct?
eigervector@reddit
Maybe the phourth or phiphth.
scary_truth@reddit
What happens when we get hooked on phonics?
FraggedYourMom@reddit
I'm hooked on r/aquaponics
fyrdude58@reddit
Usually a 12 step program. Sometimes rehab
Dirty_Bird_RDS@reddit
Hoook-ehd on Pah-hawn-iks werk-ehd for meh!
Does_A_Bear-420@reddit
A shovel to the head probably would too. Let's try that next
Optimal_Law_4254@reddit
There was a parody of this called “Hookers on Phonics”.
Plus-King5266@reddit
Oh dear
Background_Prior_621@reddit
Damn, 15 years old and 3 likes....
Born_ina_snowbank@reddit
What is this, Reggie?
GOTOMAGA@reddit
That's ware the peace comes in
throwawaytodaycat@reddit
Hookt on fonics werked fer me!
BelieveinSci@reddit
I had to be weaned off phonics with suboxone.
The_BSharps@reddit
Funny, I had to use suh·baak·sown.
t3hnosp0on@reddit
I thought it was soo•box•own
Cybermonk23@reddit
Breakin2. The electric bugaloo.
Expensive-Cherry6084@reddit
Excuse me but I think you mean "foniks"
RHS1959@reddit
Or submit ourselves to auto-correct.
i_am_not_a_martian@reddit
Or in this case, auto-incorrect.
HermitBadger@reddit
But the nice lady from NZ said she saw the children figure it out from context?!
AnonAstro7524@reddit
I got stuck on this line thinking it was the punch line and I was missing the pun or something.
Practical-Custard-64@reddit
I thought that was the joke but didn't get it. Then I remembered how illiterate some people can be...
tiny_birds@reddit
The only funny part I’d venture to say. Turns it into a sort of anti comedy moment.
gringer@reddit
makes me almost loose my mind
Hey_cool_username@reddit
A little bit, and how.
i_am_not_a_martian@reddit
I'll have one piece of quite thanks.
Few_Peak_9966@reddit
Had to counter one of the upvotes for it.
luvinthislife@reddit
I heard a rumor that his wife was quiet a peace of ass in bed.
sirduckbert@reddit
I thought that was the punchline before I clicked and read it like 10 times thinking I was stupid
Boot_Effective@reddit
Lol! The best time to proofread your peace is after you've posted it quiet permanently in the title.
Inutilisable@reddit
It’s the name of the bar
Nuclear-poweredTaxi@reddit
Nah… that’s how he chopped up the wife.
Smooth-Ad-6936@reddit
Isn't marriage just a ball...and a chain?
theavocadolady@reddit
Boomer humour. Why do you all hate your wives?
TheRealMrDenis@reddit
Have you met my wife?
theavocadolady@reddit
Do you honestly not like your wife?
flt1@reddit
Just a joke. Your wife, your husband, your in-laws, etc. might be “boomer” joke but some are still funny. I laugh at Asian jokes, engineer jokes (am both) if they are funny.
theavocadolady@reddit
I’m not sure we’re disagreeing here?
flt1@reddit
Ok. Then it was simply the way you asked the question made it appear you were puzzled (possibly disappointed) that people are making fun of wives (while in reality all categories of the society are targets). Piece out.
rooman10@reddit
Subtle peace of work there
theavocadolady@reddit
I actually agree. I’m also Asian. Those jokes are funny.
TheRealMrDenis@reddit
Honestly? I’m not even married! 🤣
CpnLouie@reddit
Better question is have you stopped beating your wife?
Dia-De-Los-Muertos@reddit
Well there's been something I want to tell you.
catsloveart@reddit
I don’t want your auto extended warranty.
Miss_Speller@reddit
It isn't, though - I'm a boomer and I grew up listening to this kind of "humor" from people we would have called boomers if we had that term back then. Boomers didn't invent "ha, ha, woman bad" humor and I doubt it will die with us, unfortunately.
theavocadolady@reddit
It will die with you. It’s a dying art.
Supersnazz@reddit
The joke only works because they don't hate their wives.
The assumption is that a normal person loves their wife and would be upset about an argument like this. The punchline subverts the expectation and hits you with the opposite. This guy was happy about it, that's the unexpected part.
theavocadolady@reddit
Ok, I get that. But it definitely is quite boring to pretend you hate your partner. It’s so overdone.
Supersnazz@reddit
It's certainly an overdone style of humour, I'll give you that.
Ubergeek2001@reddit
We don’t. If you can’t make fun of each other then your not in the right relationship. Plus both sexes do this with their friends. Today’s society creates victims instead of open dialogue.
tsunami141@reddit
Millenials: Try to have an open dialogue about opportunities afforded to people of different backgrounds
Boomers: No, not like that.
Ubergeek2001@reddit
My experience is that millennials hate me or call me boomer when I express an opinion that hurts their feelings or doesn’t fit their worldview rather than having discuss it.
tsunami141@reddit
I’m sure your experience is valid because it seems like a pretty common occurrence. My experience is the exact same, but with boomers instead. It’s very possible that both generations are just as bad as each other.
Ubergeek2001@reddit
I had a friend ask whom I was voting for. I asked that we not talk politics. He insisted and chastised me because we didn’t agree on a candidate and has cut me off. Why?????
theavocadolady@reddit
Totally agree. We should all be able to make fun of each other.
New-Bowler-8915@reddit
Boomers know how to spell quiet though.
FlyingWonkyPig@reddit
You try being in the same room with someone for 45+ years and see how you cope. Lightweights with attitude (LWAs) piss me off.
No_Distribution_577@reddit
Better question, why do all our wives hate us?
Sxualhrssmntpanda@reddit
Maybe it's because you keep making shitty jokes implying you dislike her.
Ms74k_ten_c@reddit
Well, your wife doesn't hate me. She said so herself.
No_Distribution_577@reddit
Great, she can ask you out up Christmas lights next year
Ms74k_ten_c@reddit
Wait just a minute! I can't do that in two households, man. I just can't.
theavocadolady@reddit
Why are you married if you hate each other?
No_Distribution_577@reddit
Well you know, you fool around in college. She gets pregnant, and dying in Vietnam didn’t appear to be the better option at the time.
theavocadolady@reddit
Hate is a really strong word. I feel really sorry for you.
No_Distribution_577@reddit
This is r/jokes I’m a millennial dad whose programming workload is kind of light today.
theavocadolady@reddit
So you’re married to a woman you hate?
Dia-De-Los-Muertos@reddit
Sadly far too many people do grow out of love and the partner seems oh so boring. It just happens at times and obviously more often than you realise. I assume you're fairly young ?
Brain_Hawk@reddit
You sound fun at parties. Welcome to r/jokes, not the same as r/someothersub
cutslow@reddit
who else to hate? all others are so nice.
theavocadolady@reddit
What? Who else to hate? What are you taking about??
Botto71@reddit
Claiming this is Boomer humor proves you haven't been married long enough to understand.
[RemindMe! in 20 years]
theavocadolady@reddit
Dude, saying you hate your wife is not cool. It’s just gross. She loves you and you’re saying you hate her.
Botto71@reddit
A) this is a joke sub and this is a joke B) nowhere in here did anyone say they hate their wife. Just enjoy the "piece and quite."
Botto71@reddit
The "Elder" achievement is ironic poetry ....
CharmerendeType@reddit
Why do you all hate boomers?
theavocadolady@reddit
I absolutely don’t. But this weird hate my wife bollocks is so boomer.
upgradestorm5@reddit
Wife bad boomer ahh joke
NewGuy-1964@reddit
Postmodern caveman think they funny
ToBePacific@reddit
I sat here re-reading that joke 6 times trying to figure out how “piece and quite” fits into this. Had to read the comments to find out the typos are not part of the joke.
mal_wash_jayne@reddit
Classic joke but why can no one use "quiet" properly?
MaynardButterbean@reddit
Or paid?? I always see people spell it “payed” and it bothers me
MrBigTomato@reddit
The same reason they can't spell "peace."
jeffo320@reddit
How many times did I read that before I came to your comment? If you asked, I would have said I was smart, but I missed BOTH piece and quite!
violentpac@reddit
Guess your not ass mart as you though you whirr
jeffo320@reddit
Hey, I saw that write a way, wise guy!
SonOfObed89@reddit
I get it wrong quiet often myself!
Trout-Fisherman1972@reddit
There just a bunch of morons over they’re!
apeschell@reddit
I read it with a Scottish accent
CapeMOGuy@reddit
Because no one taught them how too.
NCEMTP@reddit
If English is their first language, then someone almost certainly tried.
You can lead a horse to water, but sometimes that horse is too dumb to drink.
primalbluewolf@reddit
You were so close to "but you can't make it think"
BetNice1736@reddit
I have to know was the “too” deliberate?
CapeMOGuy@reddit
Yes. I should have thought longer and added an incorrect there/their/they're also. Would have made it more obvious.
ChaseShiny@reddit
Maybe "correct" taught totaut, as many people misspell taut?
It should almost definitely also include tho instead of though somewhere. I swear, people go out of their way to make that mistake.
carmium@reddit
I knew someone who thought strings, ropes, etc. had to be pulled taunt.
DontMakeMeCount@reddit
That jives, but most people could care less.
marathonbdogg@reddit
Their, they’re, let’s knot pile on now.
DontMakeMeCount@reddit
There doing they’re best.
medoy@reddit
So that we complain about it and this post gets more engagement.
mal_wash_jayne@reddit
Yeah, I've got more upvotes from this comment than the joke did.
LurkmasterP@reddit
Nobody is willing to go through the trouble to peak in a dictionary
ShoddyRevolutionary@reddit
I see what you did their.
livebeta@reddit
All manner of inappropriate ejaculations ensue
thetruesupergenius@reddit
Hey, their trying they’re best.
TwentyOne-Twelve@reddit
Their doing there best over they're
freddybenelli@reddit
Help help I'm being repressed!
C0L0B0K@reddit
Looking like a serial killer from 70-80
lus1d@reddit
“…..and she isn’t speaking to me for a month” works better.
But still there can be only one, “horse walks into a bar, bartender asks, ‘why the long face’”
Abject-Friendship712@reddit
To be grammarily picky: "She said she wouldn't speak to me for a month" would have been preferable. Completed action in the past before some other event in the past. Just saying.
just1440@reddit
I was so confused with the punch line because of this. And I was super focused on some kind of word play with “piece and quite”
F-Lambda@reddit
you think the man is thinking about his grammar?
BeyondDBeef@reddit
Bartender pours a triple right then, "On the house".
MoobyTheGoldenSock@reddit
I don’t understand. Why wouldn’t he want a bit of pace and quit?
tacocheesesauce@reddit
i sincerely don’t get it. the spelling makes it more difficult as well.
SuperSyrias@reddit
The joke is that the husband also thought the quiet time was nice. He is sad that its now over.
Fragamel@reddit
Say TikTok one more time
Ok_Way2102@reddit
Okay, Tik Tok one more time.
TheDevilsAdvokaat@reddit
Piece and quite?
m64@reddit
Wife bad, but one I haven't heard yet and quite funny.
Btw, it just occurred to me that you could rewrite many of the "wife bad" boomer jokes as "parents bad" and zoomers would eat that shit up without any "why do you hate your wife" complaints.
VerbableNouns@reddit
You don't pick you parents.
Same-Ad-4209@reddit
But you can pick your friends & you can pick your nose, but you can't pick your friends nose. (fact)
dm3588@reddit
Not without permission, at least.
Dmeechropher@reddit
In both cases, the reversal is kind of funny, but the punchline is just "I haven't made good decisions, and I blame others for the consequences"
duckenjoyer7@reddit
What decision did you make wrong here? You didn't choose your mother.
Dmeechropher@reddit
If you know you don't like talking to your mother to the point where her ignoring you for a MONTH is a relief, you should probably just go no contact.
That is, you should choose not to interact with her.
The joke is only really funny if your mother is truly toxic, and if your mother is truly toxic, interacting with her is a choice.
duckenjoyer7@reddit
True. But that depends on if you're still a minor or not. I would have been extremely glad if this happened when I was a kid, but I had no way of just leaving or choosing to not interact with them.
Dmeechropher@reddit
Sorry to hear that. My guess is that you probably wouldn't find this joke funny except maybe morbidly.
Desperate_Affect_332@reddit
Sounds like you're being catfished by millennials. Boomers gave you Henny Youngman, Phyllis Diller, Rodney Dangerfield, Joan Rivers, Andrew Dice Clay and Roseanne Barr to name a few. Only the boomers truly know how to hate a spouse and joke about it.
Miss_Speller@reddit
Sounds like you're being blinded by boomer hatred - of all the people you listed, only the last two are boomers; the others are way older. I'm a boomer and I grew up listening this kind of "humor," some of it from the very people in your list - Henny Youngman with his "Take my wife... please!" or Jackie Gleason with "One of these days, Alice - Pow! Right in the kisser!" Boomers didn't invent "ha, ha, woman bad" humor and I doubt it will die with us, unfortunately.
sophrocynic@reddit
A reply to a reply to a reply. It's okay for people to just say things.
jrfunnystuff@reddit
Spelling terrible. Joke ruined.
KlingonLullabye@reddit
Reminds me of the guy who ran out of gas after driving high speed for over 200 miles trying to escape a pursuing highway patrolman
Why the hell wouldn't you stop? the officer asked
The man explains: My wife left me for a highway patrolman and I thought you were trying to return her
Wadsworth_McStumpy@reddit
Peace and quiet.
And yeah, it's better with "she wouldn't speak to me for a month."
jcbubba@reddit
Good joke. Instead of "she won't speak to me for a month" I would say "she wouldn't speak to me for a month."
baronvonredd@reddit
Ah, yes, hating the wife humor, always a gem
overbarking@reddit
"a bit of piece and quite"
So, she was really good looking?
butiamnotadoc@reddit
I really thought the joke was the “piece and quite” because that is funnier and makes as much sense for a punchline.
RoastedRhino@reddit
Doesn’t the bartender’s reply kill the joke? Is it a pre-pun?
theavocadolady@reddit
Cool beans. I’m also a millennial. I’m just chilling with my cat.
theavocadolady@reddit
Ok sorry. You are actually correct. I stand corrected. You only said if you’d murdered her. But you’re completely right.
PromiscuousScoliosis@reddit
I’m so glad my marriage is not like this lol
VladiHondo@reddit
Did he offer a piece of pie? Around me is a bakery that has an apple peach pie that is quite excellent! Though with the lip smacking its not quiet and not peace-ful.
FlyingWonkyPig@reddit
I’ve been married for 42 years. If I had murdered her when we started dating I’d be on parole by now.