Last night my girl asked me to make love to her like in the movies...
Posted by No-Wrangler2085@reddit | Jokes | View on Reddit | 58 comments
...So I fucked her in the ass and came on her face
Apparently we don't watch the same movies
dob_bobbs@reddit
You joke (hence the subreddit) but I feel like a generation of guys are growing up thinking this is indeed normal and "what you do". At the very least I can't imagine their bedroom behaviour can be entirely unaffected by watching this crap.
No-Wrangler2085@reddit (OP)
Never thought of it that way... But I tend to believe you
dob_bobbs@reddit
People can downvote me and say "I grew up on porn and I'm fine" but just saying it doesn't make it true - would you even know? Or would you try to play it down? There's plenty of research out there suggesting it's harmful but people will defend it to the hilt, so to speak.
My_name_is_Ayan@reddit
I grew up on porn and I'm not fine.
Ragnangar@reddit
I grew up on corn and I’m sore.
Jonathan_Peachum@reddit
Men and women are BOTH influenced by the movies.
Men think what they see in porn is normal.
Women think what they see in Hollywood romances is normal.
devilpants@reddit
Women are into way more rough and crazy stuff now because of porn.
ICantWatchYouDoThis@reddit
also social network. every time a girl post about their date online, their friends will make up red flags to make them change their standard
AnimalFarm_1984@reddit
Normal couples scroll Reddit at night until they sleep. Everything else is just a fantasy.
Cafeeine@reddit
There was an article I read about a decade ago, that basically said that teens engaging in sex were following the beats of your basic 5 minute clip found on the free sites, which is basically this joke. The girls questioned said it felt like a checklist that had to be followed or it felt incomplete.
dob_bobbs@reddit
Yeah, that is... depressing. I have heard that way too many times. And a lot of women get pressured into anal and other stuff that is, let's say, far from everyone's cup of tea but is presented as some kind of norm. And it's not just that, it's the idea that it's some kind of performance, which is far from what I would associate with a loving, mutual relationship.
Bromtinolblau@reddit
I grew up on porn and i am very much not fine in many ways.
Professor-Clegg@reddit
Are you suggesting we live in a world without porn?
OverallManagement824@reddit
Have you been paying attention to politics? They're trying!
TheCheshirreFox@reddit
That's a strong statement.
When they start having sex, maybe. But I think people quickly realize that porn and real sex are very different things.
Sure, there will be people who still don't get it, but that's not about porn.
I think maybe you're projecting something onto other people?
dob_bobbs@reddit
If you read TwoXChromosomes you're going to get quite a different impression on that count. That sub is heavily skewed towards horror stories, don't get me wrong, I even blocked the sub in the end as it was just too whiney, but there is still enough anectodal evidence to suggest a lot of men have a very messed-up idea of sex and relationships. Not just from porn of course, probably from poor parenting, poor/lacking father figures etc. too.
Malalang@reddit
Yeah, it took me having actual sex to break my fascination with porn.
Roxxerr@reddit
It definitely isn’t normal. It is super!
Apprehensive-Draw409@reddit
Bullshit. I grew up with BBS and the stuff that was available there was way worse than any modern publicly available porn. Downloaded a whole lot of it. Still, it would never have crossed my 16-y.o. mind that normal sex was like that.
Normal well-balanced people just know what consent and boundaries are. Don't go blaming porn for people's bad behaviour.
mrastronautglenn@reddit
Agreed. Same as saying GTA turns people into car stealing murderers.
Gil-Gandel@reddit
Agree. I grew up with (rather tame UK) magazine pictures and stories, and I knew even that was basically TV wrestling: amusing, but life isn't like that.
EirHc@reddit
I'm probably the very beginning of this "era of kids." Since the dot com boom was happening around the time I was going through puberty. I would venture to guess that porn probably has impacted my sex life a lot. I always prioritized sex in my relationships (to a fault) and mostly only had relationships with girls who were freshly graduated from highschool until I got into my mid-30s... And the types of things we did in the bedroom would probably be considered pretty freaky by my parents standards. I'm not into abusive or painful kind of stuff, but there's not a lot of things I've seen in porn that I haven't done, including some group sex stuff. I'm a little more settled down now, but my wife is pretty kinky like me.
In any case, there were maybe some negatives in the way that I formed relationships. But I'd say in terms of my sex life, both parties have always very much enjoyed the stuff we've done. I think the main thing is just not being a selfish lover, as long as you both give, it's always good times in the bedroom.
fr8oper8er@reddit
In my experience this goes both ways. So the girls expect this bedroom behaviour mostly.
dob_bobbs@reddit
Well, that's kinda messed-up too then.
fr8oper8er@reddit
Could be. But then again, if both parties enjoy it. Is there really a problem?
phobug@reddit
Bedroom behaviour is indeed affected, by knowing what options they have and a vocabulary to match, so they can actually decide what best fits them. Porn makes us better not worse. What you’re thinking is probably someone not very good at talking about their needs to begin with (in bedroom or out) that is a whole different issue and much more prevalent nowadays, I blame the parents, not too much research on it tho.
Dependent-Tax-7088@reddit
Ha ha ha. I like this one!
Commander_Six@reddit
My guess is you're being downvoted because you're trying to start a discussion thread while not bringing anything to the table. People downvote you, so relevant discussions pop up before yours.
What you wrote should have been just an update instead. It's like with people replying "🤣" or "lol" and wondering why people remove their "contributions" from the top of the chat.
Dependent-Tax-7088@reddit
I’m not trying to start a discussion thread. I just wanted to compliment the OP on his or her joke. I think you’re taking this way too seriously
Commander_Six@reddit
I'm not taking it in any way. I haven't even downvoted you lol
You expressed surprise at the situation you found yourself in and I explained what is happening. You can accept this or not.
But you probably won't, seeing how you're doubling down on the "you are all wrong" narrative. Good luck in life with that attitude.
Dependent-Tax-7088@reddit
It still seems like you’re taking it too seriously, because of the lengths that you went to explain what is simply a compliment about
And then you’re creating this narrative that I’m saying everyone else is wrong and I’m right, when my comment only has one down vote.
I don’t think a lot of people are paying attention either way. I just thought it was weird that telling someone that I liked their joke, could be viewed as a negative.
But then again, this is Reddit, which is full of whack jobs😂
Commander_Six@reddit
Dude, just take the L and move on...
Dependent-Tax-7088@reddit
You’re the one who’s pressed lol.
regrettablyold@reddit
No doubt having porn everywhere (and not just porn, hyper sexualized everything) may present problems, but that hardly means that getting rid of porn (which would be impossible anyway) would lead to a generation of young people with "healthy" attitudes towards sex. My generation (male 71) grew up before the porn internet. There was playboy and there were peepshows and magazines sold under the counter. I can only speak for myself, but I hardly developed a "healthy" attitude towards sex. Horny, immature, ignorant teens are going to have to learn the hard way, post or no porn. We need more openness, more acceptance, more education, more communication, more love and kindness. Porn isn't the only problem,
VAisforLizards@reddit
Sir, this is an r/jokes
regrettablyold@reddit
Yes, of course, you're right. This was intended as a contribution to the discussion later on in the comments. I should have posted it as a reply to one of those comments. Sorry.
Portland_st@reddit
“You never go ass-to-mouth.”
SammaJones@reddit
This is an Aristocrats joke. The dirtier you make it the better.
Odd-Understanding399@reddit
I was arrested even though I fucked my girl normally because I didn't know there wasn't a comma between "like" and "in".
MoistMoai@reddit
That took me very long to understand
AlexanderHamilton04@reddit
I still don't understand.
There isn't supposed to be a comma ("like, in").
But even if you put a comma there, it is just wrong, but it doesn't create a different meaning; it just ... nothing different.
gdmfsoabrb@reddit
Adding the comma means you can interpret "in the movies" to mean "at a movie theater".
averinix@reddit
Huh? Age related joke? I'm lost 😭
Bunister@reddit
They fucked in the cinema.
Temporary-Judgment84@reddit
Please explain. I feel stupid.
Kizejacks@reddit
…so she crushed me to death with her thighs while climaxing.
RequirementGeneral67@reddit
That was a TV show (The Boys) was it not?
Kizejacks@reddit
I dunno, I don’t watch that crap. It’s in the movie GoldenEye.
RequirementGeneral67@reddit
Ahh. Did not recall that.
maxamil432@reddit
I swear this subreddit is ran by incels and boomers.
Weak ass humor
ahk1221@reddit
did you just realize that lmao
idk why i havent left it it still shows up years later in my feed when i joined it thinking it was good
GrossPanda@reddit
I heard this joke like 15 years ago
SpyroLancer@reddit
2nd half of the story was fun to read
KidJuggernaut@reddit
In my case the girls father doesn't want me near her!
frowawayduh@reddit
Drive-in or multiplex?
Liquor_N_Whorez@reddit
I smiled and said, "Honey, set down next to me on the bed and close your eyes dear, I want this to be a surprise."
She did.
I put the blindfold on her and said "no peeking".
She giggled.
I gently pulled her arms back and bound them with my belt so she could not move them forward and whispered in her ear, "I really think you are going to enjoy this"
She said, "Oh, I think I will baby! I'm so turned on right now!"
As I was taking off my tie she started to speak, I put my finger to her lips and made the "shhhhhhh" sound.
I gently began to wrap my tie around her head and mouth but before tying the knot I leaned in and asked her,
"Where is your purse?"
She asked, "my purse?"
I said yes, "Your purse dear, where is it?"
"I think its on the coat rack by the frontdoor. What do you need it for?" She began to muffle as I tightened the knot.
I just told her to relax in a reassuring voice and kissed her forehead before saying, "I'll be right back, I need to get something from the other room real quick!"
It was about an hour or two later when I got back home from running some other errands and found her in the bedroom trying to yell and get my attention.
As I entered the room I said, "Please don't be angry with me dear, I had a plan to make love to you like they do in the movies like you asked for. This has all been a part of that plan honey."
As I sat down next to her I took off the blindfold. When we made eye contact I could see she was furious. I quickly undid the belt and freed her arms and went to undo the not from the tie over her mouth but she got really violent and I had to make a sprint for my life.
Fearing for my life I pleaded with her to let me explain as she chased me onto the lawn. I heard a crashing sound behind me and stopped to look back and see what it was. I knew I was afraid I had really messed this thing up with my wife but was not prepared for what I saw and what was to come next.
If you want to know how the rest of this ends, you will want to buy a ticket to sequel when Im done with the script.
If you only read the first edition, consider this a running gag.
Society_Academic@reddit
You should've told her it won't completely measure up to the movies but it won't be noticeable if she steps up her acting..
Groundbreaking_Dare4@reddit
So first I had to make her Dad marry my Mom...