A private jet is about to crash

Posted by Vree65@reddit | Jokes | View on Reddit | 38 comments

A private jet catches fire. The pilot rushes back to the passenger cabin to say: "Sorry, men - we have only 5 parachutes for 6 people. Someone's going to have to sacrifice themselves, and it ain't gonna be me!" he shouts and jumps. "I'm too pretty to die!" says the supermodel and jumps. "I'm too rich to die!" says the businessman and jumps. "I'm too clever to die!" says the professor and jumps. Two people are left, an old priest and a young boy. The priest says, "Go ahead, son - you've got your whole life ahead of you..." "Oh, very kind of you, Father, but don't worry about it, we're both going to survive." "What do you mean? We've only got one parachute between the two of us," "Yes, but the professor jumped with my schoolbag."

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38 Comments

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PhilipWaterford@reddit

A professor? I remember this from decades ago but it was never a professor.

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kogun@reddit

"I'm the smartest man in the world and too important to die"! "...the smartest man in the world jumped with my backpack".

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Grim-Sleeper@reddit

This joke is at least half a century old. It usually gets better every time it's retold, as more interesting characters and stereotypes are substituted. But I think OP just set a new record for the worst rendition possible

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PoliteCanadian2@reddit

Yup, the final line should be ‘No’ instead of ‘Yes’.

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dottiefred@reddit

I remember it with a hippie, the Pope and Ronald Reagan who takes the hippie's backpack

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Bladrak01@reddit

The earliest one remember it was Henry Kissinger, who said he was the smartest man in the world, and took the backpack.

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argon40fromk40@reddit

I liked it best when it was Kissinger.

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dachjaw@reddit

Maybe it was Mary Ann.

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ProfSociallyDistant@reddit

Everybody hates professors nowadays. They have no power, but they’re suggesting people do things to make themselves better. The bastards.

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Lyzandia@reddit

Wow, way to kill a classic joke.

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Juice_Stanton@reddit

Petition to change the professor to Elon Musk.

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iShitSkittles@reddit

The real joke is they left a young boy alone with a priest ...

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CaptainDetritus@reddit

The joke told in school was a priest, a lawyer, two children, two parachutes. Priest says "It's ok, we've got two parachutes". Lawyer says "but what about the children?". Priest: "Dunno. Do we have the time?"

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Cyc68@reddit

The version I heard the lawyer says, "We've only got two parachutes!" The priest says, "But what about the kids?" The lawyer says, "Fuck the kids!!" Then the priest says, "Do we have time?"

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Reddit_reader_2206@reddit

Priest and a Rabbi sitting on a park bench, spot a cute, young boy, frolicking in the playground. The priest leans over to the rabbi and says, "Let's go and fuck him!" The Rabbi replies "...out of what?" (Gotta offend as many as possible, so the outrage is even)

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PanicGod69@reddit

Priest and a rabbi are visiting an orphanage. For whatever reason this orphanage has a massive safe, filled with money. Suddenly the place lights on fire. Priest says "Holy shit, we need to get out of here! Save the kids!" Rabbi says: "Save the money, fuck the kids!" Priest says: "You think we have time?"

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Zagmut@reddit

Fucking wild that next to a supermodel, a businessman, and a priest, you chose a scholastic to be the worst person.

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Vree65@reddit (OP)

You must be fun at parties, even jokes are just a propaganda tool in your head The joke is that the person claiming to be clever (d'oh, hurr durr) but feel free to change it if you wanna weaponize it for atheist forums

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Neethis@reddit

>even jokes are just a propaganda tool in your head Projection at its finest lol.

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Vree65@reddit (OP)

You nutcases are on the wrong goddamn sub Imaging having such a sad life that you go to a boomer joke sub to harass folks about your dumb politics

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Zagmut@reddit

It's not about my politics or anyone else's, you overcooked turkey. This joke has always worked best with famous figures as the characters, usually politicians since we all like making fun of those assholes. You're telling is one of the worst versions of this joke I've seen, bland and toothless, and I swear I've seen at least a hundred retellings of this hoary chestnut. Also, fuck you mean this is a boomer sub? This sub does produce fresh material from time to time, not that you'd know anything about that.

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Neethis@reddit

Who brought up politics first? Go touch grass lol.

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Vree65@reddit (OP)

I also can't express how effing tired I am of clowns using the word "projection" with zero clue what it is You're the one crying loud sniff sniff that the joke should be about your prejudices, arse-face

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Neethis@reddit

>effing You can swear on the Internet you know.

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Zagmut@reddit

>YoU muSt Be fUn At... You don't have any original material at all, do you? You don't need to explain your rewrite or why you think it's funny; it's simple enough that any middle schooler would understand. I just think it's lame that you would dumb down a funnier and potentially risqué joke to the bland, toothless, meh-at-best, New Yorker cartoon level specimen of mediocrity that you posted.

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Dramatic_Ad_5024@reddit

I'm rewriting the joke to have a blonde supermodel jumping with the schoolbag

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Zagmut@reddit

Low hanging fruit, dude, and an outdated stereotype. This joke has always worked best as a political joke. Dragging one famous person for being selfish is funny; dragging a whole population of people for being flawed is super risky. If you're gonna do it, you'd best do it well, which does not include using a joke older than internet with no meaningful changes to the setup or punchline.

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Dramatic_Ad_5024@reddit

I didn't mean I'm actually rewriting it, not to repost in any case. And yes, it's low hanging, but having the professor be the butt was the least funny choice of all. And lastly, assuming blondes don't have a sense of humor, is just wrong. The blondes I know do.

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Zagmut@reddit

I didn't say that blonds don't have a sense of humor; where in my comment did you get that? You took a decent (albeit well worn) joke and made it generic and bland. If you think making it into a blond joke is going to fix that, you'd be wrong. Also, there is no way that someone hasn't already made this joke into a blond joke; both this joke and the whole blond joke genre are over half a century old.

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corbymatt@reddit

Welcome to r/jokes! I see you are new here! Is there anything else you don't understand you'd like an explanation for?

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Zagmut@reddit

Sure, could you explain to me what the fuck you're on about?

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LordCouchCat@reddit

This is one of the classics that's rewritten every couple of years for new targets. One I remember (think I have it right) is the plane carrying world leaders, and a student who somehow hitched a ride. Reagan says he has to survive because the Free World depends on him, Giscard d'Estaing says he must survive as he's the most intelligent of the world's leaders, Brezhnev says the future of Communism depends on him. The student tells the pope, "that guy who said he's the most intelligent world leader, he took my pack" Here's another joke from that era with French politics. The four 1981 French presidential candidates are in a debate when a terrorist sets off a bomb. They all die, and all arrive in hell. The devil takes Mitterrand aside and tells him that as he was the least bad, he can select his punishment from the others. First he sees Jacques Chirac being dunked in sewage. "Notice, though" says the devil, "that he gets a compensation to fine-tune it, in his case he can eat French food" Mitterrand thinks, maybe, but he'll go on. Next they see Giscard d'Estaing being chased by a minotaur. "But he gets to listen to French music" No good, says Mitterrand. Then they see Georges Marchais, the Communist. He looks a bit odd but - compensation! - he's making love to Brigitte Bardot. "That's it!" says Mitterrand. "Are you sure?" asks the devil. "Yes." "Very well," says the devil. He turns to his assistant. "Give Mitterrand the same punishment as Brigitte Bardot."

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Zappa585@reddit

I know this as a hippie, a priest and Henry Kissinger. My daughter knows the joke that way and it’s extra funny because no one in her elementary school knows who Henry Kissinger is. Teachers included.

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Vree65@reddit (OP)

Thanks for being the only comment saying something origin one of the joke that I didn't know : ) Instead of the other a-holes whining that the priest wasn't portrayed as a p\*ophile

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