I told my British friend I woke up with a bloody nose.
Posted by Miniastronaut2@reddit | Jokes | View on Reddit | 28 comments
He says "everyone has a nose you twat"
Posted by Miniastronaut2@reddit | Jokes | View on Reddit | 28 comments
He says "everyone has a nose you twat"
cgyguy81@reddit
Blimey, were you absolutely knackered after that cheeky pint at the local with the lads when some muppet started giving it large, so before you knew it, you were in the thick of a right barney, punches flying, and chairs getting chucked? Proper madness, mate! Let's have a cheeky Nando's to sort ourselves out, get a bit of chicken in us, and have a natter about the footy!
Cyrus_114@reddit
But it's pissing down and some knobhead diddled me brolly!
ICC-u@reddit
Diddled means sexual assault, usually a child. Wtf.
Cyrus_114@reddit
https://www.collinsdictionary.com/dictionary/english/diddle
ICC-u@reddit
As a British person I don't need the Cambridge "US" dictionary to explain my local dialect. You can't "diddle" an umbrella unless you're a sick sick man.
You can be diddled out of something, like diddled out of your money, but nobody will ever say someone diddled their umbrella.
Cyrus_114@reddit
It's not U.S., it's UK, mate.
Check again.
lereisn@reddit
Never heard diddled being used in either capacity so you can both wind your necks in.
WarLawck@reddit
Real talk though, so the British just say they have a "nose bleed" or is there some insane way of saying it that I can't fathom?
misterygus@reddit
It’s just a bloody nose. Wouldn’t confuse anyone.
Bunister@reddit
My hooter is spouting claret.
MarcusP2@reddit
I usually say blood nose.
WarLawck@reddit
As simple as that is, I never would have guessed it.
riverjack_@reddit
"Bloody hell, I don't mean I have a bloody nose, I mean my bloody nose is bloody bloody."
PokeRay68@reddit
And "twat" rhymes with cat.
Bunister@reddit
I always thought pronouncing it 'twot' was old English. Is it not?
(Oliver Reed pronounces it that way in Castaway btw)
Smart-Rod@reddit
Two countries separated by a common language.
brunofuckme@reddit
That's a bloody good friend
bostondana2@reddit
Reminds me of Emo Philips -
“I woke up this morning with a bloody nose. I thought, ‘How did this get into bed with me?’”
RodneyOgg@reddit
Or Nick Thune. "I woke up this morning with a bloody nose. If I was British, that would be like I just realized I had a nose"
DeeEmm@reddit
She is, but only periodically.
JokeExplainBot@reddit
Bloody can mean human fluid or a British intensifier.
Acceptable_Maximum95@reddit
Not everybody has a bloody twat
Waitsfornoone@reddit
At least, not all the time.
SomeDudeNamedDrew@reddit
IIRC this was a joke from someone’s dream
panicky_in_the_uk@reddit
I hope everybody is reading that 'twat' to rhyme with 'hat' and not 'hot'.
CloneTrooperZ16@reddit
What's the joke everyone has a bloody nose you plonker! /s
squirrel_exceptions@reddit
That’s the opposite of the short story «The Nose» by Nicolai Gogol.
ArachnidGuilty218@reddit
She called you a twat. Bloody hell.