An aspiring young lawyer was sitting in her office late one night, when Satan appeared before her. The Devil told the lawyer "I have a proposition for you…"

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myrichardgoesin5@reddit

What do you call a buss full of lawyers going over a cliff

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You know, speaking of souls, they told me working in food-service would eat my soul. I said, joke's on them, I already sold my soul in 1999, for two Garth Brooks tickets, a six pack of Zima, and a bag of Jolly Ranchers.

It was a good trade.

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LovingNaples@reddit

Without lawyers, dear boy, we wouldn’t need lawyers.

a line from the movie, A Murder of Crows

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jbcurious@reddit

Good enough book too

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SpongeJake@reddit

Are you certain it’s from the movie? I looked up the script online and couldn’t see that line in it.

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variablesInCamelCase@reddit

But why would you do this?

Even if you were correct (you're not), what was this going to accomplish?

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SpongeJake@reddit

Interesting question. Reason I asked was because I wanted to look further into that quote, and wanted to make sure we were talking about the correct movie.

It wasn’t, as your question seems to imply, because I wanted to troll him.

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variablesInCamelCase@reddit

You didn't look hard enough to check the second page.

I'm pretty sure you just thought you had a "gotcha" moment. Everyone wants to be the smart guy in the room.

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SpongeJake@reddit

Would you please fuck off? That wasn't my mindset at all. I was interested in the topic, not in trolling. And you're right - I didn't realize there was a second page. Now I know.

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JadeE1024@reddit

It's there, in your link. You have to hit "Next" to go to page 2. The exact line is "If it weren't for lawyers, dear boy, we wouldn't need lawyers."

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SpongeJake@reddit

Well so it is! Thanks for the correction. I actually thought they had out the entire script into one long scrollable page. Didn’t realize there was a second page. Thank you!

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PhotownPK@reddit

drops mic

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LovingNaples@reddit

I’ve watched this movie many times. Mark Pellegrino’s character says this to Cuba Gooding Jr’s character at the bar, Sloppy Joe’s in Key West the night when they first met after they went fishing. It was made in 1998.

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yaronnexus@reddit

Amazing movie...thank you for reminding me

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D0fus@reddit

99% of lawyers give the rest a bad name.

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cafestream@reddit

1% of lawyers don’t practice law.

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YZXFILE@reddit (OP)

I have a bartender that is a lawyer.

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soccamaniac147@reddit

Is his name Nick Miller?

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chux4w@reddit

I guess he couldn't pass the bar.

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broiledfog@reddit

Passing the bar is easier than passing a bar.

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TurbulentWeb1941@reddit

Pissin up at the bar is something something idk

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broiledfog@reddit

Pissing a bar is even harder. Ouch.

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disterb@reddit

so he just lsat at the counter

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partofthevoid@reddit

Real joke in the comments

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Ninjasifi@reddit

What is this, some kind of joke? /j

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OjaiMark@reddit

I've had a lot of bartenders who aspired to be lawyers at one time.

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FarmboyJustice@reddit

So they all got together at once to take the bar...

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YZXFILE@reddit (OP)

This is the opposite.

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italianizer@reddit

This made me cough-laugh. Very good. Thank you.

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italianizer@reddit

This made me cough-laugh. Thank you.

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9human-being@reddit

I read this to You Give Love a Bad Name

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LostBetsRed@reddit

Reminds me of the tale of the married couple that had a daughter that the mother named Love.

Love grew to hate her name, It being a frequent cause of mockery and bullying. Finally, she can't take it anymore and gets a gun. Not knowing that her mother is the one who named her, she shoots her father in the chest, then leaves.

When the mother arrives home, she is horrified to find her husband dying of a gunshot wound to the chest, lying in a pool of his own blood. She runs up to him and asks, "Honey! Are you okay? What happened?" The man groans, takes a breath, and coughs,

"Shot through the heart, and you're to blame. You gave Love a bad name."

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Same-Ad-4209@reddit

Didn't see that coming😂😂😂

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berried_aprons@reddit

😂I enjoyed this very much, thank you!

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310874@reddit

I am writing a book

Dead Lawyers and other happy stories.

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MissMat@reddit

Law school is missing me up bc I can’t help but think of what is wrong with this joke

their is no aspiring young lawyers bc it either you are a lawyer or you aren’t a lawyer. A law student is aspiring to be lawyer. Here the young lawyer is a lawyer. The lawyer could aspire to success, fame, wealth etc. Someone presenting themselves as a lawyer but isn’t is violation.
the devils contract is unconscionable so not enforceable anyways.

3 .for a contract to binding to third parties they need to revive a benefit

This a problem in the terms so interpretation is be needed. What is embarrassing amount of money? Is is ridiculously law or ridiculously hight? The term is being implied to be high but no evidence support that. Similarly client adoration and colleagues awe, these things could be for reasons other than lawyering. Also win every case might be factual but attorneys that “win” every case drop difficult cases. Also most aren’t trail attorneys and often the best lawyering happens during negotiations
Fiduciary duties owned to law partners. There is also duties owned to spouses and children. But it is mostly the same duty of care, duty of care so no self dealing, no usurping economic opportunity and no fraud or secret dealing. So this violates it all.

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brassbuffalo@reddit

Everything you wrote is irrelevant because contracts with the devil are spiritual and not subject to human contract laws.

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Upstairs_Carrot_9696@reddit

You don’t get invited to a lot of parties, do you? 😁

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Suxatgolf@reddit

I got on here to say just that. Karen took some time.

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BEFEMS@reddit

a vegan and a lawyer jump out of an airplane without a parachute - who wins ?

Society...

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nvn911@reddit

Hey at least the Vegan has principles

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3Dbuttstuff@reddit

But they anger OP for some reason

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Stelliferous19@reddit

You don’t find them a wee bit sanctimonious? Woman chases down the ice cream truck frantically yelling “wait” and it stops and asks, what can I get you? Out of breath, she gasps, nothing, I just wanted to let you know I’m vegan.

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3Dbuttstuff@reddit

Ha… ha…

They really bother you huh

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auricargent@reddit

How can you tell if you’ve met a vegan atheist who does CrossFit within the first minute after you’ve been introduced?

They tell you.

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3Dbuttstuff@reddit

hOw Do YoU kNoW iF sOmEoNe Is a MaRiNe?

Lame tired joke blud, those vegans have a huge room in your head rent free lol

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Stelliferous19@reddit

Buttstuff. Respect for the handle bro. And awe at your persistence. I’ll bet you are ready to get into a land war in Asia!

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3Dbuttstuff@reddit

No idea what that means but thanks I guess?

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nihility24@reddit

I think he/she is being sarcastic with you

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oxfordfox20@reddit

You know you’ve replied to three different people…?

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3Dbuttstuff@reddit

Yes, but the sentiment is the same across the board

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oxfordfox20@reddit

So they really get to you, huh?

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waler620@reddit

You're kinda proving the joke.

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TowelFine6933@reddit

Seems like anyone who gets annoyed by vegans are living rent free in yours, pal. 🙄

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3Dbuttstuff@reddit

Pointing out someone’s bad jokes reflects on me in no way.

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KeeperofAmmut7@reddit

The really militant ones make my eyes twitch. I had one a work....How bady I wanted to eat steak tartare in front of her...just to watch her head explode.

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3Dbuttstuff@reddit

Wow, I can’t imagine wanting to eat a specific food to try and harm someone. They must have really got under your skin lol

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nvn911@reddit

Honestly when I was vegan, I found omnivores at meal time more sanctimonious. "Oh my god, so you don't eat x?", Or "so if you were on a deserted island, and there was only one pig there, would you eat it??"

🤔

Bruh lemme just enjoy my tofu

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Stelliferous19@reddit

Fair point. As is usually the case, there’s obnoxious people on both sides of the argument.

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InsertPlayerTwo@reddit

I will never, for as long as I live, understand why people care so much about what other people are eating.

Baffling.

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barto5@reddit

Wait until you hear how much time some people spend worrying about other people’s sex lives.

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barto5@reddit

lemme just enjoy my tofu

Is that even possible?

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RazorThinMargin@reddit

How do you know someone is a vegan? They’ll tell you within 5 minutes of meeting them. How do you know someone is into CrossFit? Same answer.

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nvn911@reddit

I dunno. I was vegan for quite some time. Mostly kept it to myself. The only time I was questioned about it was at meal time, when omnivores couldn't understand why I'm vegan.

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SaintAnton@reddit

You really call most people in the world "omnivores" like you're watching animal planet?

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nvn911@reddit

Err that's what we are

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SaintAnton@reddit

Wouldnt a vegan person be an herbivore then?

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nvn911@reddit

Well no, because veganism extends to include things outside of diets.

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maccaroneski@reddit

At least the lawyer doesn't tell everyone about it whilst convincing them to try to become lawyers.

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2whatextent@reddit

So does a lawyer.... Just bad ones.

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akairborne@reddit

Motherfucker! I snorted!

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Acceptable-Tiger4516@reddit

How can you tell someone is Vegan? They tell you.

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nagato36@reddit

What right does she have to give away their souls? Is there a spiritual lawyer I can consult with?

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Chevy1144@reddit

One day a redneck is in court fearing the worst, he looks over at his lawyer and says I don't have a good feeling about this.

The lawyer says don't worry I'm an expert in jury selection, you're going to be fine!

The man feels instantly relieved until he hears testimony from the key witness from the prosecution.

The woman says I was driving down the street at night and I saw something about a hundred yards ahead of me, it defendant having sex with a goat. So I turned my high beams on to alert them I was there. Now the man stopped having sex the goat, but the goat actually turned around and started licking the man's balls!

Again the redneck was worried until he overhearded a juror say, you know a good goat will do that!

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KevRayAtl@reddit

What's the difference between a lawyer and a catfish? One is a scum sucking bottom-dweller and the other one is a fish...

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PatFenis77@reddit

"one is a scum sucking.. and the other is a cum sucking.."

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APacketOfWildeBees@reddit

"One is a scum sucking bottom-dweller by choice"

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mordecai98@reddit

As a lawyer, she should know that she can't guarantee souls that are not hers.

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irredentistdecency@reddit

Technically that isn’t her problem - the sections of the contract which awards those souls would be struck down as unenforceable & the remainder of the contract would continue thanks to the sever-ability clause.

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LeCompteDeFrouFrou@reddit

Yes, but then the rest of the contract would fail for lack of consideration.

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irredentistdecency@reddit

Nope, there would still be consideration in the form of her own soul - that clause would remain valid & preserve the contract.

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DanKirpan@reddit

But her own soul is not included in the first place. It said "your your husbandsoul and [every other person]s soul". The double "your" is definitely not a typo resulting from missing words.

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irredentistdecency@reddit

Again, any deficiency in the contract is held against the drafter - if the devil wanted to ensure he got what he wanted, he should have drafted a better contract.

That said, the double your is almost certainly a result of failing to include the word soul between instances - assuming that applies a standard convention & assuming otherwise reduces the contract even further.

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LeCompteDeFrouFrou@reddit

What does contract law say when the deficiency is caused by the joke teller?

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irredentistdecency@reddit

They put “the words to paper” so they count as the drafter…

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dhkendall@reddit

Even if the contract was iron clad, she could sue for the souls back and win the case because the contract ensures all her cases are won.

Or create a universe ending paradox. Either or.

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WrathKos@reddit

As a lawyer she should know that promises that vague are worthless. A $1 award on what should have been a multi-million dollar case is a win and embarrassing, and would leave her colleagues in awe.

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emzirek@reddit

What do you call a thousand lawyers in hell... A good start

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QAguy@reddit

I’ve heard that one before, except I think it’s “a bus load”

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_HotBeef@reddit

Buttload of lawyers. Bunch of lawyers taking the bus? Ya right.

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pussy-n-boots@reddit

True story — I was on the bus yesterday and sat near a woman who, it became apparent, was out of her mind. She asked me if I work for Satan, because she doesn’t fuck with Satan. How did she know I’m a lawyer?! I was genuinely going from court to my office.

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oxmix74@reddit

Why don't they do medical experimentation on lawyers? Unlike a lab rat, you can do anything you want to a lawyer and nobody will complain. The problem is, the results are not applicable to humans.

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yahoosadu@reddit

What do you call a lawyer buried up to her neck Not enough soil

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mrrobfriendly@reddit

What's the difference between a dead skunk in the road and a dead lawyer in the road? Skidmarks in front of the skunk.

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yahoosadu@reddit

I would swerve to miss the skunk?

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Excellent_Wrangler92@reddit

You don't want the stink on your tires.

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boythisisreallyhard@reddit

Skid marks stink too,,,

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hearke@reddit

That's what they mean, you'd brake and swerve, resulting in skid marks :)

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BlueCloud2k2@reddit

What's the difference between a catfish and a lawyer?

One's a scum-sucking bottom feeder and the other is just a fish.

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melayaraja@reddit

Nice one

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emzirek@reddit

Indubitably, especially if they're buried upside down ..

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DuffMiver8@reddit

What’s the difference between a vampire and a lawyer?

One is a soulless creature, in league with the devil, who preys upon the souls of the innocent.

The other is a vampire.

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ljapa@reddit

New Jersey has more superfund sights per capita than any other state. California has more attorneys per capita. Why is that?

New Jersey got first pick.

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dathomasusmc@reddit

I’ve heard this before but the end was:

“Don’t you want my soul?”

Satan laughs, “everybody knows lawyers don’t have a soul.”

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YZXFILE@reddit (OP)

They should turn them into bitcoins.

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trevit@reddit

I like the implication that the devil doesn't actually ask for her soul. Presumably because he knows she doesn't have one?

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West_of_Ishigaki@reddit

What's black and brown and looks great on a lawyer?

A Doberman.

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Short-Locksmith9686@reddit

We are aware that not all lawyers are the ones defending the bad guys right? You also need the good lawyers to support and fight for the good guys against the bad guys and their lawyers.

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Jaxager@reddit

It's a joke. Calm down

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LetsGo@reddit

Take your logic and make like a tree and get the hell outta here

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Short-Locksmith9686@reddit

Yeahhhhh that’s not the saying 😂 how is that making like a tree? Its not. In order to make like a tree, you gotta LEAVE. Because trees have LEAVES. dumbass 😂

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BathtubJim@reddit

It’s leave, you idiot! “Make like a tree, and leave.” You sound like a damn fool when you say it wrong.

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YZXFILE@reddit (OP)

Been there done that.

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Short-Locksmith9686@reddit

Oops this was meant to reply to someone’s comment not the whole post itself 🤦🏻‍♀️ sorry!

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WellHereYaGo@reddit

The catch is that he said “embarrassing sums of money.” That could easily mean that she would make an embarrassingly low amount of money.

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jaMMint@reddit

You're a lawyer, aren't you?

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LadyOfTheMorn@reddit

Kim Wexler in a nutshell.

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Olderthanaboulder@reddit

Kim was in a struggle with good and bad.

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akshelly2@reddit

O.M.G. I'm trying to laugh quietly because my fam is sleeping. That was awsome! Thanks for the giggle

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cletus72757@reddit

Why won’t sharks attack lawyers? Professional courtesy.

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Mewlies@reddit

Funnily if you look up the history of the Word "Shark", it originally referred to the Predatory Practices of Solicitor Lawyers.

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swarlay@reddit

And IIRC, lawyers have been around longer than trees or the rings of Saturn.

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ThePrussianGrippe@reddit

They must also keep moving or they’ll suffocate.

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Frido1976@reddit

What's the difference between God and a lawyer? - God doesn't believe he's a lawyer...

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YZXFILE@reddit (OP)

The ten commandments.

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FalseSpring@reddit

You can't sell others' souls. Not very realistic.

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YZXFILE@reddit (OP)

Mowtown.

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GaryG7@reddit

What happens when a lawyer takes Viagra?

He gets taller.

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LivingInLasVegas@reddit

How was Cooper wire invented?

Two lawyers fighting over a penny.

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Top_Conversation1652@reddit

Took a full three hours.

I’m impressed by your restraint.

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TheD00dWhoChills@reddit

Hang on, gonna go watch Fantasy Island to see how he dealt with this fool

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nothanks876@reddit

Everybody hates lawyers. Until they need one.

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garvisgarvis@reddit

My lawyer friend says, "Yeah, we're terrible. In fact, next time you need a lawyer, don't call one."

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Early_Sun2443@reddit

Did anyone else see the movie it starred Neo from the Keanu Reeves and Satan was played by Michael Chorleon also known as Scarface Al Pacino. That movie says a great deal about lawyers. My sister is a lawyer LOL.

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SfcHayes1973@reddit

The movie you're referring to is The Devil's Advocate

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BillyBuckleBean@reddit

I saw that movie, I think it was called ' the flintstones'

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3Dbuttstuff@reddit

No, the matrix guy was in Wayne’s World with Ted

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BillyBuckleBean@reddit

Are you sure? I'm pretty sure scarface pacino is an allegory for garfield the cat

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dotditto@reddit

The Devil's Advocate.

starring Keanu Reeves, Al Pacino and Charlize Theron.

great movie ....

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emergency-snaccs@reddit

you mean Neo, from the Keanu Reeves

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Open-Preparation-268@reddit

It’s one of our Halloween movies…. We watch Halloween type movies every night in October.

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MotoXwolf@reddit

Mmmmm. Charlize Theron

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YZXFILE@reddit (OP)

Female lawyers are the thing now.

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agjios@reddit

Michael Chorleon

/r/boneappletea

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xenchik@reddit

Billy and the Clonosaurus

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Limitedtugboat@reddit

It was on the best seller list for 18 months!

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riptaway@reddit

Yeah, I saw it. I think it was called " the lawyer and the devil"

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DistantUtopia@reddit

The offer sounds like a 100% win rate, but actually not: "You can win" - the ability to (possibly) win, not "You will win" - guarantee of winning.

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AlmightyRuler@reddit

A lawyer told myself and the rest of the class he was teaching this joke. His other entries:

What do you have if a lawyer is buried up to their neck in sand? >!Not enough sand.!<

Why do lawyers wear turtlenecks? >!To keep down the foreskin.!<

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OldElvis1@reddit

An engineer dies and goes to Heaven. St Peter looks. In the book and says "I don't have you on the books here, you need to go to hell"

So he goes to hell, and says it's too hot so he starts fixing things. He'got the air conditioning working and makes things pleasant in Hell.

God calls the Devil to see how things are going and the Devil says "we got an engineer down here, he's got the air conditioner on and the place is humming"

God says "that's a mistake,send him back up here or I'll sue" And the Devil says "Right, where are you going to find a lawyer?"

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