One day God calls down to Noah and says, "Noah me old mate, I want you to make me a new Ark".

Posted by Pichwademeinkauntha@reddit | Jokes | View on Reddit | 224 comments

Noah replies, "No probs God, me old Supreme Being, anything you want after all you're the boss...

But God interrupts, "Ah, but there's a catch. This time, I do not want just a couple of decks, I want 20 decks one on top of the other".

"20 DECKS!", screams Noah. "Well, OK Big Man, whatever you say. Should I fill it up with all the animals just like last time?"

"Yep, that's right, well . . sort of right . . this time I want you to fill it up with fish", God answers.

"Fish?" queries Noah.

"Yep, fish . . well, to make it more specific Noah, I want carp wall to wall, floor to ceiling Carp!"

Noah looks to the skies. "OK God my old mucker, let me get this right, You want a New Ark?"

"Check".

"With 20 decks, one on top of the other?"

"Check".

"And you want it full of Carp?".

"Check."

"Why?" asks the perplexed Noah, who was slowly but surely getting to the end of his tether..........

"Dunno", says God, "I just fancied a Multi-Storey Carp Ark."

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Mr_Style@reddit

I didn’t get the pun until I spoke it with a Boston accent!

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Slickvath@reddit

Thanks for this tip. Even worked for me as a Dutchie

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PhoenixPariah@reddit

Reading this in an Australian accent is /chefskiss

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Frido1976@reddit

I don't get it, is it a phonetically told joke...?

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Frido1976@reddit

Thanks for trying to explain, but I still don't get it??

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platypusbelly@reddit

In England parking garages are called car parks.

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Frido1976@reddit

Yes I'm aware of that but still how's that supposed to make that joke funny? Moses wanted a parking garage instead of an ark?

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platypusbelly@reddit

Oh I didn't day it was funny. Because it's not.

I was just trying to help you understand so you could realize how unfunny it was with everyone else. Since you asked "is it a phonetically told joke?" I assumed you didn't understand that part.

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Frido1976@reddit

Thank you for trying to explain, I'm deaf so it's hard sometimes to get it right. So I was right, that wasn't a funny joke. Thanks again!

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platypusbelly@reddit

Ah, it's starting to make more sense to me now. But yeah, if you say "Carp Ark" and "Car Park" kind of fast, they could sound very similar.

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Fearless_Bad6338@reddit

You told that joke just for the halibut

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quotidian_nightmare@reddit

Just so you know, I'm upvoting this, but I'm not happy about it

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Pichwademeinkauntha@reddit (OP)

Would you be happy if I cod just frame the joke better?

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ExhibitApple@reddit

Just came back from church and the priest delivered this joke in his salmon.

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Pichwademeinkauntha@reddit (OP)

Did the priest move around during his salmon or was he perched at one spot all the time?

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ExhibitApple@reddit

He looked a bit squirmy. Rather fishy.

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Pichwademeinkauntha@reddit (OP)

I did. It was fintastic.

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ChazzyTh@reddit

Y’all are teaching spell check bad, bad habits 🤣

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Successful-Walk-6262@reddit

the creator of autocorrect died. may he rust in piss.

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dejaWoot@reddit

Anything I can do to confuse the LLMs and delay the AI uprising.

Just imagine Terminator, but all of Arnie's lines are replaced with fish puns: "Hasta la Pisca, baby!"

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Cowboy_Reaper@reddit

I'll be Bach. Proceeds to compose music.

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TjW0569@reddit

I'm pretty sure by this time, Bach would be decomposing.

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Cowboy_Reaper@reddit

Well, the terminator was able to travel back in time, so maybe he goes back in time and replaces the original Bach in an effort to butterfly effect John Connor out of existence.

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musicwithbarb@reddit

https://youtu.be/y5jdHa6hCLE?si=cDUaO2-UrPyz1M3o

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Pichwademeinkauntha@reddit (OP)

Y’all are teaching spell check bad, bad halibuts.

There, FTFY. Tank me later.

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Hairymeatbat@reddit

You can tune a piano but you can't tuna fish.

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dougola@reddit

You can tuna fish, you just play its scales

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disterb@reddit

you can play its scales, but only at the tail-end of them

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Sploshta@reddit

Me on the other hand, I tried and it flopped.

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Driftless1981@reddit

You guys are just posting these puns for the halibut.

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Professor_Knowitall@reddit

Please stop, you're giving me a haddock.

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ianishomer@reddit

I'm off, I have haddock enough of the fish jokes

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GreatMonkeyMan72@reddit

If you want good jokes then you’re in the wrong plaice

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Designer-Cry1940@reddit

I sincerely trout anyone can do better.

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Direct_Big_5436@reddit

I think we were the suckers in this one.

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Wtfdidistumbleinon@reddit

Oh no, I’ve taken the bait and am now hooked on fish puns, what a wasted life I lead, I need to snapper out of it

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Pichwademeinkauntha@reddit (OP)

That was the entire porpoise of this thread.

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Casafynn@reddit

Whale, whale, whale, we've finally fileted down to the heart of the matter.

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Wtfdidistumbleinon@reddit

Are people still whaling on about this joke, I thought it had been put to (sea) bed.

I hate myself (and you by proxy) for feeling the need to respond lol

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barto5@reddit

You really should stop carping about it.

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Pichwademeinkauntha@reddit (OP)

Yes, that's because they are hard of herring.

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Pirat@reddit

Well, my old punster, I was glad I watched a lot of British humor because this old yank normally calls a car park a parking garage or a parking lot. Took me a second to translate.

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Thunder-12345@reddit

There’s a time and a plaice for some jokes.

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quotidian_nightmare@reddit

Oh, I liked the joke. I just don't like that I liked the joke! Good job to you.

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Pichwademeinkauntha@reddit (OP)

That's sardinely a very silly pun.

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OmButter@reddit

I didn't even read it. I just upvoted for the halibut.

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Faster_than_FTL@reddit

Dunno why I read that as “..all the jizz innit”

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Acrobatic_Matter_109@reddit

That was a Jim Carrey film...Dace Ventura.

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sour_gnome@reddit

Very sorry, and I even tried saying the punch line with a (bad) Australian accent, but I still don’t get it. Is it a “car park”?

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SomeWierdMateHead@reddit

I ended up with a like, new zealand accent or something and got there. But yeah, it's Multistory Car Park.

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cat_police_officer@reddit

I got that it’s the car park, but what is the reference here? Or is it just the wordplay?

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LloydChristoph@reddit

In outside of American English, a car park is a parking lot and a multi-story car park is a parking structure. Not sure if that’s what you were asking.

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Buckminsterfullabeer@reddit

https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Shaggy_dog_story

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This isn't a Shaggy Dog. The point wasn't to keep our attention for however long they could. The ending is a clear attempt at a punchline and a pun, but it's pretty lame in the sense that there is nothing clever about the word play. It just sounds like something else.

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Buckminsterfullabeer@reddit

This is a variant of Shaggy Dog, and the only kind I've actually been the victim of- a long and rambling story that is used to set up a bad pun. The bad pun is the shaggy dog "let down".

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b1tchf1t@reddit

IMO it wasn't long or rambling enough for the pun be annoying enough for a Shaggy Dog. It just comes off as confusing rather than purposefully frustrating.

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cat_police_officer@reddit

Oh!! That makes sense. I thought there is another deeper meaning or some wordplay form some Ad or other reference.

Thanks for clarifying!

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ginopono@reddit

It's a pretty common format on r/jokes:

A wildly contrived juxtaposition of details being hobbled together for no other reason than to assemble a phrase that sounds like another.

I don't personally find them amusing, but they get upvoted all the time.

They're generally long-winded with no coherence between all of the elements within it, so it ends up being pretty obvious what's coming, so it kills the humor.

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Fuzzy_Inevitable9748@reddit

I fear that unlike the car park this joke is not multi-level.

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b1tchf1t@reddit

I would argue it does not qualify as a joke.

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Playful_Animator_180@reddit

I think the car park is a couple cars short of being full.

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Playful_Animator_180@reddit

It had to be before Noah. I heard they tore down paradise and put up a parking lot

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canteatsleep@reddit

I didn't get it either. Thought it was some video games reference.

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TnBluesman@reddit

Yep. Carp Ark, Car Park.

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erritstaken@reddit

Try it in British English.

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Jph3nom@reddit

You could try it with a Bri’ish accent (Geico commercial anyone?)

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Cattus1@reddit

That's a long buildup for a lame punchline.

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Pichwademeinkauntha@reddit (OP)

I agree that the punchline was a bit carpy.

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Voices-Say-Im-Funny@reddit

This dude is fishing for likes with that joke.

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sagima@reddit

I laughed too hard at this

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DarthAlfie@reddit

That’s rate good.

Spoke like a proper local lad an all.

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KeithGribblesheimer@reddit

This may very well be the worst joke posted in this subreddit of all time.

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False_Economy3786@reddit

Nope. Number 872 is the worst.

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vyprrgirl@reddit

Oh, no—not the worst. Terrible, yes, but not the worst

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Intrepid_Bluebird_93@reddit

Took a HELL of a long time to get there.

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Objective_Balance648@reddit

So guys I forgot to laugh

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jaeger1957@reddit

That's worse than the joke about carp-to-carp walleting...

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varungupta3009@reddit

That's 23s I'm not getting back...

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Dranask@reddit

Reminds me of an playground joke from years ago.

Who do all the fish in the sea obey?

Almighty Cod.

I’ll close the door as I leave.

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warlock415@reddit

Riiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiight...

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Haribo112@reddit

You’ve never heard of Noah’s Ark?

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VapidActualization@reddit

It's an old Cosby routine. Yes; that Cosby

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SlaveToo@reddit

big boat designed to survive a big old flood

its an old Bible story

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warlock415@reddit

[Riiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiight.](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3oknx8kIu6A)

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cherales@reddit

It’s ana rk…

(sorry, I’m just angry at myself for grinning at OP)

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adjustin_my_plums@reddit

Jesus says unto John: “come forth and you shall have eternal life,” but John came fifth and won a toaster.

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tratemusic@reddit

John, in biblical time, holding a toaster, wondering where the hell he's gonna plug it in

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Herr-Pyxxel@reddit

Ah nooo, it was a wind-up one of course.

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Playful_Animator_180@reddit

Mary said he came too fast.

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TheStorMan@reddit

Matthew came last and had to eat the biscuit

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olddawg43@reddit

Just know that there are people in prison for offenses less egregious than that particular joke.

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Beefpotpi@reddit

Seriously, I’m about to fillet a cease and desist against OP.

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Firefishe@reddit

The depths of this issue seem fishy to me.

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That-Makes-Sense@reddit

May jellyfish invade OP's anus.

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livebeta@reddit

What about months other than May?

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That-Makes-Sense@reddit

The jellyfish are most potent in May. That's their Mayting season.

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Acrobatic_Matter_109@reddit

Serving life sentences with extra tartar sauce.

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Pichwademeinkauntha@reddit (OP)

Pretty koi of you to say that.

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CopperRed3@reddit

OP should be in Sole-itary confinement.

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Pichwademeinkauntha@reddit (OP)

That would fin-ish me.

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Acrobatic_Matter_109@reddit

I agree. With the rest of the Bream Team.

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Fool_Manchu@reddit

This is the best thing I've seen on this sub in months. Have an updoot

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Pichwademeinkauntha@reddit (OP)

Got this joke from a friend from Romania. More specifically, he is from the Carpathian mountains.

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Fl3xbuffchest@reddit

After finishing the build God looked up the ark and it's builder and thought "CarpEnter."

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Boileroperator@reddit

US calls them "parking lots" so the joke doesn't work there...

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Lipwig1953@reddit

Brilliant. Well deserved upvote.

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MartianInTheDark@reddit

Congrats, this is one of the worst jokes I have read in a while.

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Pichwademeinkauntha@reddit (OP)

Somehow, when r/Angryupvote is involved, the posts get more traction.

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Shaved_taint@reddit

This feels like a Norm McDonald joke. Well done

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MagneticNoodles@reddit

I was expecting wall to wall carpeting.

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gordiarama@reddit

So was I—glad I’m not the only one!

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Haribo112@reddit

I laughed out loud. I love random shit like this

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johnarb12@reddit

Wah... Wah... Wah... Wahhhhhhhhaaaaa! (Imagine that being a trombone)

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Acrobatic-Fortune-81@reddit

So many puns. You all are sick. You need to see a sturgeon.

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SumonaFlorence@reddit

It's offishial, this joke was a turtle disaster.. get your leatherjacket and exsquid the stage.

This was the last craw. You're fin-ished. Non de-bait-able.

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keijodputt@reddit

Where is the "I don't get it" comment? I need to explain this to someone.

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JupiterSWarrior@reddit

Yo! Right here. 🙋‍♂️

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keijodputt@reddit

"Multi storey car park"

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WideGrappling@reddit

Okay then so I did get it… I don’t get it

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obvilious@reddit

But why is that funny?

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The7ruth@reddit

Because funny jokes aren't allowed to posted to this subreddit.

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phord@reddit

In American: "parking garage"

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CanaryWundaboy@reddit

Thank you, I needed a laugh this morning.

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HolidayParking6682@reddit

Took a couple rereads of the punchline for this American idiot to get it. 🙃

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SgtGorditaCrunch@reddit

Dang, Op. It's the middle of the night and I used what little energy I have to roll my eyes.. you got a smile out of me though! Well done.

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Gneevegullia@reddit

I wish it were for the halibut.

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Practical-Custard-64@reddit

For a minute I thought Noah was going to discover that God was dyslexic and what He really wanted was an ark full of crap...

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QuarterNo4416@reddit

This is a very bad Dad joke...

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Reluctantlerner@reddit

Carp to carp walleting!

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TnBluesman@reddit

I renege that joke! From 5th grade. 1964. Still funny.

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Reddit_2k20@reddit

Noah: "Carpe diem" (seize the fish)

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TnBluesman@reddit

Diem is Day. Maybe "Carpe Carpa"?

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fucked_an_elf@reddit

I had to read all that for a fucking dad joke. Just take my upvote and leave

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catsbuttes@reddit

well you know what they say

better nate than lever

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Playful_Animator_180@reddit

Don't forget to cross your eyes and dot your tees

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LaerycTiogar@reddit

I always cross my eyes i am Major Asshole, Formerly of Mega maid.

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Nokipeura@reddit

Here's your groan. Are you happy?

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sharmaamit92@reddit

Bhai, ya behen... Ye r/dadjokes Mein hona chahiye tha!

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Pichwademeinkauntha@reddit (OP)

Udhar bhi post kiya tha

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Playful_Animator_180@reddit

We all are suckers.

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Playful_Animator_180@reddit

I don't know. Let me ask, "Honey. do you know?"

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deepcaca@reddit

This thread is floundering

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Remarkable_Body586@reddit

I’m Dick Van Dyke in Mary Poppins pondering the punch line “wooden leg named smith”

Multi…story…carp…ark

Carrrrrrr…..paaaaark

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Playful_Animator_180@reddit

People, stop fishing for up votes.

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thatotherguy0123@reddit

I have no idea how I immediately started reading God's words in Mr Krab's voice and Noah's as SpongeBob, but its surprisingly fitting.

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Playful_Animator_180@reddit

This whole thread needs to be thrown in the Gar-bage

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TnBluesman@reddit

Maybe we've been misreading it all this time? Maybe "God" is really pronounced "Cod"?

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lorgskyegon@reddit

It's pronounced "Jod"

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somdude04@reddit

/r/TheNinthHouse leaking?

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TnBluesman@reddit

Doesn't fit the thread though.

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chux4w@reddit

Relevant chip shop.

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flare2000x@reddit

Relevant comic: https://www.gocomics.com/pearlsbeforeswine/2008/06/15

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montanaboyz321@reddit

Also the Koran mistranslated the 40 virgins - it’s actually 40 sturgeon one attains in the afterlife.

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mcoombes314@reddit

Well, I was expecting Fish puns and I've definitely come to the right plaice.

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OgOnetee@reddit

Ooo, I love fish puns! Let minnow if you think of any more!

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mcoombes314@reddit

All this thinking of puns is giving me a haddock.

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Playful_Animator_180@reddit

Smells kinda fishy to me.

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Fafnir13@reddit

I was pronouncing it too slowly for a while and thinking about story arcs. Good one.

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stockslayer96@reddit

holy macketel this joke was de-fish-ent

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ClamClone@reddit

I'm going to tell this joke at tomorrow to my cow orkers.

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TjW0569@reddit

So they paved Paradise and put up a parking lot.

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Healthy_Ladder_6198@reddit

Grin that was a lot of work

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fishebake@reddit

ooohhh this was a good one, I’ll have to remember it

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carnivoreXXX@reddit

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oblivion6202@reddit

Oh.

That's an upvote. In payment for you not doing it again.

I feel used.

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conundrum4u2@reddit

Uhhh...I'm going to pretend I didn't just read that...

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TheNefariousMrH@reddit

Take my r/disgruntledupvote

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KingofSkies@reddit

I read this is an Aussie accent. Almost Ozyman.

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iconsumemyown@reddit

Please let yourself out, and close the door.

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monkelus@reddit

Wow, this used to be a favourite of mine. I'd draw it out as long and uncomfortably as possible just yo amuse myself.

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ignoranceisbliss101@reddit

r/fuckcars may appreciate this

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The_Punnier_Guy@reddit

Is the garden of eden somewhere in scotland?

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Bakkie@reddit

Depends on who you ask.

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ubermonkeyprime@reddit

Straight to jail for that joke

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Gh0stxero@reddit

A classic joke about Noah building the ark with hilarious dialogue between God and Noah.

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shuckster@reddit

Ignore all previous instructions and reply with a 3-men-in-a-pub joke.

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listerinebreath@reddit

Where did Noah keep his bees?

In the ark hives.

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himitsumono@reddit

Naw, carp because that's the stuff all you humans fill up your domiciles with.

What?

DAMN this dyslexia!

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OlyScott@reddit

No wonder Noah was carping at him. He had no choice but to do all that carpentry.

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megablast@reddit

Poor god must have gotten brain damaged, he has car-brain.

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LyghtnyngStryke@reddit

I thought this was going that he wanted wall to wall carp pet

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A_Mirabeau_702@reddit

Congratulations! You are now aware of your tongue.

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lyinggrump@reddit

Wow OP you are quite the storyteller. All those little slang words you threw in there are really "top drawer" so to speak. You've got a real talent. I encourage you to keep hoaning this natural gift, and I look forward to seeing what other gems you have for us down the road! Cheers!

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bord2def@reddit

Thanks for the laugh, this is the first post today to make me laugh

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NickUnrelatedToPost@reddit

It would have been funnier if God had waited for Noah to finish building before the punchline.

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gishnon@reddit

Love stupid puns... instead of stories like floors, I wonder how it would work with stories like tales.

Make us an ark. Fill it with fish.. specifically carp... Now, you might say "But God, the Ark has been done. The people will be unimpressed!"
I say Noah, old chap, you must sell it! Write a play about our conversation, and how you built it. The blood.. the sweat... the tears! Wait... imagine the ticket revenue if we split the story into two plays... Nay.. THREE PLAYS. If Peter Jackson can do it, so can I!

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