A wealthy business man's sailboat takes on water and begins to sink near an uncharted Pacific island. He paddles his raft to the island with whatever survival supplies he can muster from the sinking vessel.
Posted by DTM-shift@reddit | Jokes | View on Reddit | 46 comments
About a month in, supplies are running low and he's losing hope of rescue. One day at the beach, while pondering his worsening state, he watches a shapely figure in a wet suit come out of the water and head toward him.
As she approaches, she removes the cap and long red hair cascades down her back. "Wow, you do NOT know how happy I am to see you! I've been out here for weeks, and now you come from the water like some angel here to save me!"
"It seems you've been roughing it for a while now. Fancy a cigar?" She unzips the top of the wet suit, exposes some cleavage, and pulls out a cigar, a cutter, and a match.
"That's fantastic! Thanks!" He cuts the tip, lights it, and inhales deeply. "That really hits the spot."
She watches him for a moment, unzips down to her navel, pulls out a flask and asks, "How about a drink? I have a fine Scotch, if you'd like."
He takes the flask, opens the top, inhales for several seconds, then takes a long pull. "Seriously, you are a godsend. Never thought I'd see another person, and instead you bring me this."
The woman again watches him enjoy the drink, then gives him a sly look as she unzips farther. "Now, then. Would you like to play around?"
"There is NO way you have a set of golf clubs in there."
TeeteringCrockery@reddit
One nitpick, you do NOT inhale deeply when you smoke a cigar
One-Masterpiece-335@reddit
Another nitpick wet suits unzip in the back between your shoulder blades.
himitsumono@reddit
Not mine. Maybe some do, some don't. I had mine a long time ago, probably at around the time this old joke was first hatched. ;_
One-Masterpiece-335@reddit
Are you in Finland? I’m American but have spent many weeks in Tampere. Nice place. Nice people.
himitsumono@reddit
Do Finnish wetsuits zip up the back? Otherwise, color me confused. Also American, in case that matters. I'd imagine the phone signal in Tampere is top notch, what with Nokia being so nearby.
derpsteronimo@reddit
Can't comment on Finland, but here in New Zealand, every wetsuit I've seen has zipped up at the back. Not that I've seen one in over a decade now, in fairness.
himitsumono@reddit
Seems like it'd be kind of hard to get yourself zipped into such a thing. Or is the idea that it enforces the "Never dive w/o a buddy" rule?
derpsteronimo@reddit
Not sure on the intent behind it, but it usually has a "tail" on the zipper to make it easy enough to grab and manipulate for a lone person.
ThriceFive@reddit
They did starting in the 1970s when they started using stretch neoprene material instead of more rigid neoprene. The original 1950s-60s era suits had a sexy big zipper in the front and it went on like a jacket. i.e. https://www.eliossub.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/10/vintage-suit-full.jpghttps://www.pinterest.com/pin/692569248970825541/
One-Masterpiece-335@reddit
bingo! I got my PADI cert about 10 years ago and every wet suit I've seen zipped in the back.
livebeta@reddit
Do you know why scuba divers drop backwards off the side of a boat into the water?
Cos if they drop forward they'd still be in the boat!
Writ_@reddit
Only surfing wetsuits. Diving wetsuits are front typically
deliverance73@reddit
If you are pulling said cigar out of a wetsuit it probably doesn’t matter how you inhale.
DTM-shift@reddit (OP)
Inhaled deeply before smoking, like that long sniff as it's dragged under the nose? Sorry, it's a world I've only really encountered on-screen. Not sure what the process actually entails, though I'm guessing there is a bit of ritual to it.
Cold_Table8497@reddit
Er... I beg to differ. I do. Every cigar, every time.
GreyAzazel@reddit
I do too ... I don't know why you were downvoted for detailing how you smoke a cigar ...
Cold_Table8497@reddit
What else are you supposed to do with them? It's not a fucking incense stick.
illQualmOnYourFace@reddit
Generally people puff them. Suck the smoke out, get the taste in your mouth and a slight buzz from whatever your mouth membranes absorb, then blow it out.
I've never known someone to inhale a cigar.
IncredulousPatriot@reddit
I did once. It hit me like a fucking freight train.
Fit_Collection_7560@reddit
Learned that the hard way at 19. First cigar, treated it like a cigarette. Was sick rest of the day. Not sure if the quality (cheap) had anything to do with it
Itchy-Ad-5217@reddit
Speak for yourself, white eyes
12altoids34@reddit
I did, when I smoked cigars. But many people often commented on me doing it. In my defense I started smoking cigarettes first and no one ever " taught" me how to smoke cigars.
whydya-dodat@reddit
Nobody said his face wasn’t in her cleavage. Don’t kink shame a dude that’s been stranded on a desert island.
Plus-King5266@reddit
He was inhaling the aroma of the Scotch, I believe.
IndyAndyJones777@reddit
The scotch hadn't been mentioned yet
Paqueo2@reddit
This is #33. The comments don’t get numbered, but there’s a few originals.
DTM-shift@reddit (OP)
Probably is #33. Hadn't seen it here myself, so here we are. Ah well.
Paqueo2@reddit
It’s a terrific joke. And timeless. I’m 72 years old and I remember hearing this one in college. If jokes were numbered on quality, this would certainly be in the top 20.
Masala-Dosage@reddit
Robbie Corbett told that joke in, like, 1975?
DTM-shift@reddit (OP)
I'll take your word for that. Don't recall where I heard it or read it, but it was a long time ago. Haven't encountered it elsewhere since then. Dusted it off and put it here.
Yeyati_Nafrey@reddit
How many holes are on this course ?
deliverance73@reddit
You just want to play the back nine.
Doorn6605@reddit
She unzips further and replies: 'No, but I have a stick and two balls for you'.
WiseDoctor4065@reddit
Ah yes the sign of an old joke, because all men know they’d rather play golf than do literally anything fucking else…
ICanHomerToo@reddit
Well it’s more so because “play around” sounds exactly like “play a round” which is often how golfers refer to golfing
cleon80@reddit
Joke is old enough to feature cigars. I first read this on an old Readers' Digest.
DTM-shift@reddit (OP)
Think I heard it or read it at least 30 years back, so it certainly has some age to it. I haven't encountered it since, and thought maybe a bunch of r/jokes readers don't already know the joke. So here it is. Hopefully earned some chuckles.
Purhou@reddit
Sure it wasn’t on a stone plate engraved?
kowalski655@reddit
I remember Ronnie Corbett telling it in the 70's
AutoModerator@reddit
/u/kowalski655 has unlocked an opportunity for education!
Abbreviated date-ranges like "’90s" are contractions, so the apostrophe goes before the numbers.
You can also completely omit the apostrophe if you want: "The 90s were a bit weird."
Numeric date-ranges like 1890s are treated like standard nouns, so they shouldn't include apostrophes.
To show possession, the apostrophe should go after the S: "That was the ’90s’ best invention."
The apostrophe should only precede the S if a specific year is being discussed: "It was 1990's hottest month."
TL;DR: When writing dates, apostrophes do not pluralize!
I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.
frostywizzard@reddit
Thought this was going a different way. Got me at the end. Take my upvote
MyCupO@reddit
All are illusions of the man… or in his dream
mobfather@reddit
What brand of golf clubs?
Pun_In_Ten_Did@reddit
After the first unzip, I would have guessed Titleist.
Cold_Table8497@reddit
Callaway or Castaway. Something like that.
froeschli@reddit
Doesn't know how to enjoy the company