A man has three girlfriends but doesn't know which one to marry.

Posted by True-Dream3295@reddit | Jokes | View on Reddit | 134 comments

So as a test, he gives each of them $5,000 to see how they spend them.

The first girlfriend gives herself a complete makeover. She got a new hairstyle, new makeup, and a whole new wardrobe. When asked why she did this, she said "I wanted to make myself beautiful for you because I love you so much."

The second girlfriend bought him a bunch of gifts, including a new set of golf clubs, an iPad and an 80-inch flatscreen TV. When asked why she did this, she said "I bought these gifts for you because I love you so much."

The third girlfriend took the money and invested it in the stock market. She doubled her investment, gave the $5k back to him and re-invested the rest. When asked why, she said "I'm investing this money for our future together because I love you so much."

The man thought long and hard about how each girlfriend spent the money, and after careful consideration, he married the one with the biggest tits.

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TigLyon@reddit

So this guy has three dedicated women who love him and plenty of discretionary income...

...so why marry?

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EstablishmentLate532@reddit

In the Saudi Arabian version of the joke the man simply marries all three and then another for good measure.

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TwoRepresentative465@reddit

Man, that’s too many females. Having one is a full time job for me already!

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TigLyon@reddit

See? I would go for that.

"So who does he marry? Yes, and another girl he found on the way."

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ElizabethTheFourth@reddit

Because this joke is from the 80s. People got married then, it was weird.

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TigLyon@reddit

Sounds horrible. I'm glad we don't do that anymore. lol

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EruditeLegume@reddit

Oh, we still do weird lots around here!

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True_Kapernicus@reddit

He doesn't want to fornicate.

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OzymandiasKoK@reddit

It's fine if it's under the consent of the king, you know.

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npsimons@reddit

I mean, honestly? The third one sounds like marriage material, if that's your thing. Even if no marriage, I'd stick with her; she's smart and fiscally responsible. The other two sound kind of high maintenance.

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bedrooms-ds@reddit

He got tired of dealing with three

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Friendly_Rub_8095@reddit

Sweet variation for the punchline

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CautiousSeaweed6938@reddit

Hate imprecise jokes. How big?

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happymancry@reddit

You can track inflation of the dollar based on how the amount keeps increasing over the decades. When I first heard this joke we were at $100 for each girlfriend.

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AdEmbarrassed7644@reddit

How much was an ipad then or the 80 inch flat screen? :-D

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FunkMasterE@reddit

Yeah, but how big were their tits?

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pianomanzano@reddit

Shouldn't matter, they were adjusted for inflation!

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Lanster27@reddit

I wish my wife's tits adjusted for inflation.

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bedrooms-ds@reddit

They occasionally do, but the rest of the body, too, due to socialism.

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halite001@reddit

Oh they are, but they're Japanese.

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Lanster27@reddit

Enough to put a man into depression.

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DocRogue2407@reddit

Nah, man. THAT'S an inflatable girlfriend. 😳 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

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superduperspam@reddit

By my calculations, by year 2068 we are going to living on planet tit

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Urb4nN0rd@reddit

Suddenly, the politics of today don't bother me, and I can look forward to the future.

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og_beatnik@reddit

Thanks for the laugh! Cheers!

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nooneknowsiamhere@reddit

Best comment i heard all day. Thank you.

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bwbandy@reddit

I'm just happy that dick augmentation is not really a thing.

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Lumpy_Marsupial_1559@reddit

Umm, you might want to search that...

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Sorcatarius@reddit

Nah man, dude knows, he's just trying to make no one suspect him of rocking the old Prince Albert.

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CWnH@reddit

This is my new favourite sentence.

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halite001@reddit

We don't call her "Mother Nature" for no reason.

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HcH-Vandorf@reddit

You made me shoot milk out of my nose. And I wasn't drinking any milk.

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TurbulentWeb1941@reddit

Made me shoot milk out me tits. And I'm a fat bloke

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Freebee5@reddit

Pneumatic tits nice😄

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These-Witness9883@reddit

Yes but what is the inflation of the tits… Details matter

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bedrooms-ds@reddit

We all want Basic Income on this.

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Zemom1971@reddit

Basic income on tits

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BeGood981@reddit

More like Basic Tits on Income?

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Spiritual-Guava-6418@reddit

They were adjusted by inflation.

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wtfdoik34@reddit

Inflated to adjust 'em?

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Evening-Tomatillo-47@reddit

Small, inflation has got to them too

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TheSuppishOne@reddit

I don’t think boobs are supposed to be inflatable…

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Yahaire@reddit

Is it me or are these two always the top comment and top reply to the joke each time?

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Waitsfornoone@reddit

But one thing never changed: Tits Matter.

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GMN123@reddit

They do but this focus on size always surprised me. There's far more to nice tits than just size

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PranshuKhandal@reddit

the best tits are the one you can touch

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FuegoCoin@reddit

You know, when you, like, you grab a woman's breast and it's... and you feel it and... it feels like a bag of sand.

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nihility24@reddit

Ahahaha I understood the UnderNinja manga reference 🤣

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OzymandiasKoK@reddit

If I can touch them, they're real.

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PromiscuousScoliosis@reddit

Not significantly more tbh

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dingalingdongdong@reddit

Spoken like someone who's never touched tits.

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PromiscuousScoliosis@reddit

Different strokes for different folks. I’ll continue to enjoy big tits, and you can continue to enjoy chicks with the chest of a young boy

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dingalingdongdong@reddit

I’ll continue to enjoy big tits

From a distance, undoubtedly.

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PromiscuousScoliosis@reddit

I’m not sure why you think I’d care about how often you think I encounter a boob

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HardwareSoup@reddit

The plump, and the slump when dangled, are far more important than size.

Then again, I'm a career tit man, not a gig tit man, so big bodacious knockers might just be out of my wheelhouse.

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IndyAndyJones777@reddit

And the second one still somehow included an 80 inch flat screen

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thethreadkiller@reddit

It's funny because I have never heard this before but realized that "iPad" and "80 inch flat screen" felt somehow out of place for the type of joke that it was.

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TurbulentWeb1941@reddit

I just liked the bit about the tits

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xplag@reddit

As an alternate point of reference, I can see the punch line changing to "best ass" for the modern day.

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Cmndr_Cunnilingus@reddit

Damn you’re right. I bet the makeover and the wardrobe that the first woman buys acts as the basket of goods because that’s the wording least likely to have changed over the years

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jonoghue@reddit

It's called the "three girlfriends index"

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wwplkyih@reddit

The CPI is actually based on a basket of jokes.

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dpdxguy@reddit

It's based on a 2000 year old story told by a first century rabi. :)

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PranshuKhandal@reddit

someone should plot both of them on a graph

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bug2th@reddit

My mind read - plop both..

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icantremebermyold1@reddit

Was 5 shillings when I first heard it!

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JackieN00B@reddit

Saw that coming, still gave me a good boner

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Miserable-Street7249@reddit

I heard this joke in the late 1950's. Still a good one.

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Electrical_Ask8762@reddit

Bad bot. Reread the post.

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juss100@reddit

Whereas I'd marry the woman who knows how to double her money on the stock market. Easy pick.

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True_Kapernicus@reddit

Maybe you don't understand the joke? He doesn't actually care what the woman does with money.

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juss100@reddit

I dunno, it literally says "The man thought long and hard about how each girlfriend spent the money"

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Any_Flounder_5608@reddit

And came to the conclusion that the money was pointless, but the tits were nicely pointed, with pencil-eraser nipples.

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EruditeLegume@reddit

Have to respect the thought you put into that reply...

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Any_Flounder_5608@reddit

Thanks, it kinda grew as I was composing it.

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Subject_Repair5080@reddit

If she makes enough money, she can have breast enhancement.

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LindensBloodyJersey@reddit

this is the first joke I've read in the sub where I've laughed out loud. Good show.

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SrMariguano@reddit

So you’re basically just discovering this sub right?

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LindensBloodyJersey@reddit

Nope, been coming here for years!

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michaelkoch001@reddit

a funny but old joke, take a little bit longer time to read

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ImInterestingAF@reddit

A smart man would marry the one that invested the money and use the money to install bigger tits.

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Cerblamk_51@reddit

Found the redditor..

install bigger tits

…Like they’re a program.

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EruditeLegume@reddit

You mean... We're not living in a simulation??

Oh, shit!

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renee_gade@reddit

”smart man would marry”….

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SrMariguano@reddit

This reminds me of a friend who asked me for advice; he said he couldn’t decide between a poor girl who really loved him and was a looker, or a rich girl who had a mean attitude. I told him; marry the one you love. And pass me the contact info of the rich girl.

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scewing@reddit

I heard this joke in the Navy in 1985. But it was his secretary had quit and he chose from the secretary pool.

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og_beatnik@reddit

I'd go for the one with the tightest grip giggidy giggidy

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Dazzling-Ease7520@reddit

Wish I could move the fat from my gut to somewhere else. Lol.

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Icy-Theory-2021@reddit

The best tits are those that fit in the hand.

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bedrooms-ds@reddit

The best fits are those that tit in the hand.

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J7mbo@reddit

The best hands are those that fit in the tit.

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over_under_achiever@reddit

Sounds like Matthew 25 but with tits

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No_End2824@reddit

He married the one who hadn’t heard this joke before

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aksdb@reddit

Rumor has it he is still unmarried and has dozens of girlfriends now.

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the_card_guy@reddit

I'm curious what number this joke has. Probably not number one, but I'd bet it has to be in the single digits. Double digits at most.

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Dependent-Panda-422@reddit

Blonde hair, blue eyes, and big boobs are all over rated.

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Status-Ad-3555@reddit

Hopefully the one who invested had the bigger tits

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BuckyTheBunny@reddit

I replicated this with my three girlfriends and they all beat the shit out of me.

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404_GravitasNotFound@reddit

In Spanish we say : "Ante la duda, la más tetuda" , which rimes beautifully

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OzymandiasKoK@reddit

Before the dude, the most tits?

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404_GravitasNotFound@reddit

Ante: In case of , in the instance of
la: the (feminine)
duda: doubt (it's a feminine subject)
más: most, in this case (it has a lot of meanings)
tetuda: big titted

So it's "Incase of (the) doubt, the big titted (one)"

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DoctorSuperFly@reddit

"When in doubt, choose the one with the biggest tits."

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Ruby_and_Hattie@reddit

Ante la duda, la más tetuda

Thank you Google Translate! 🤣

Puedo confirmar

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Neither_Berry_100@reddit

Why not post the translation instead.

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dingalingdongdong@reddit

When in doubt, the bustiest

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CapitanoPazzo_126@reddit

That joke is a classic setup with a surprising twist at the end.

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LiftQueue@reddit

I like to turn the genders around and say she picked the one with the best hair, or the tallest one.

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fireinmyeyes69@reddit

Could work, if the punchline was the richest one, or the most handsome one

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True_Kapernicus@reddit

It wouldn't work. Part of the joke is acknowledging that men often might care less about exactly how are woman uses the money if she has an attractive shape.

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BlastLeatherwing@reddit

Why does the punchline remind me of something I heard on a Monty Python sketch where some women were in I think some sort of intellectual contest?

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Apart_Consequence_98@reddit

So, do they count the money before committing?

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kissrugby@reddit

3 guys are complaining about how stupid their girlfriends are..

The first says, "My gf is so dumb she just bought a whole new kitchen set and doesn't know how to cook!

The second guy says, you think thats bad.. "My gf just bought a new car and her license is suspended!"

The last man states, "Well, my girlfriend is so stupid that she packed a whole box of condoms for a business trip, and she doesn't even have a penis!"

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HeshyTruth@reddit

I am 66 years old; I have heard thousands & thousands of jokes, including the dumb blondes jokes. I have never heard this Gem before! Very nice!

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Zero0mega@reddit

Just remember, gravity ALWAYS wins.

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Insteadly@reddit

Originally heard this as the CEO interviewing three women for the CFO job. Guess which one got the job.

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Komnos@reddit

Are their names Elayne, Aviendha, and Min?

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afrothunder287@reddit

A Wheel of Time reference? In the wild? My lucky day

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Komnos@reddit

You have the Dark One's own luck.

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Effective-Foot714@reddit

Now which one is which? I would say Min would buy gifts and Aviendha would be the investor? But I can see all 3 spending on their own beauty?

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afrothunder287@reddit

Depends on where in the timeline you are. Min famously preferred boyish clothes and prides herself on being useful, Aviendha was raised to be as deadly efficient as possible and to make the most out of the resources at her disposal. You really think Elayne, the princess of Andor, isn't spending everything on her tryna get that Dragon baby ASAP

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PanicGod69@reddit

Pretty sure Elayne wins then.

Because she has the biggest tits.

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