One disgustingly hot cup of coffee

Posted by Tech_Witch@reddit | talesfromtechsupport | View on Reddit | 42 comments

“And give me some disgustingly hot coffee. Black as midnight on a moonless night."

“Blurp?” the nameless thing behind the counter said.

"Oh, pretty damn black, I should think."

“Bloop.”

"What?"

"Whiiiir.”

"An overcast moonless night?"

“Phssssh?”

"I'm sorry? What did you say?"

“Beep-blip boop.”

"A moonless night, that is as black as coffee.”

"Glurgle drip-drip-drip."

"Thank you."

As I reach for my fresh cup of caffeinated jetfuel a colleague pokes his head in and calls for my attention. Something is amiss in the digital dreamlands and I am needed to risk my sanity diving the datastreams once again. Two hours later and the binary gremlins have been placated once more, vanquished but not dead, merely dreaming in their deep slumber until some other unfortunate soul trespasses on their domain once more.

I finally sip my coffee.

It’s not hot anymore.

Only disgusting.

TL;DR: Dropped into flow mindspace solving a bug ticket and even forgot about my newly-made coffee.

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Mr_SunnyBones@reddit

And give me some coffee. Black as midnight on a moonless night."

Harga looked surprised. That wasn't like Vimes.

"How black's that, then?" he said.

"Oh, pretty damn black, I should think."

"Not necessarily."

"What?"

"You get more stars on a moonless night. Stands to reason. They show up more. It can be quite bright on a moonless night."

Vimes sighed.

"An overcast moonless night?" he said.

Harga looked carefully at his coffee pot . "Cumulus or cirro-nimbus?"

"I'm sorry? What did you say?"

"You get city lights reflected off cumulus, because it's low lying, see. Mind you, you can get high-altitude scatter off the ice crystals in--"

"A moonless night," said Vimes, in a hollow voice, "that is as black as coffee.

Terry Pratchett Pratchett, Men at Arms (Discworld, #15; City Watch, #2)

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ben_sphynx@reddit

I was half thinking this post was in the wrong sub and should have been in /r/discworld

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wildwing@reddit

Thank heavens it wasn’t Vogon poetry.

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Responsible-End7361@reddit

Coffee, a drink. To drink, to be more alert. We are lacking in lerts. Fill out form 273z for lerts. Then form 17j for more coffee. But not form 17j-r because I do not like cream.

What did you think of my poem human?

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wildwing@reddit

AaaaaAaAaaArrrRrrrrRrRRRRRgggGgGGG

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KelemvorSparkyfox@reddit

EXACTLY where my mind went!

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mafiaknight@reddit

GNU Terry Pratchett

coventars@reddit

This is poetry.

Turbojelly@reddit

Do you folks like coffee?

Dumbname25644@reddit

I don't. I do however work in IT. I think I may be the only non-caffeinated tech in the country as I have not met another one yet.

RogueThneed@reddit

No Coke or Dr Pepper or Rock Star?

rob-entre@reddit

Not the only one. Depending on the country, I’m also of the non-caffeinated variety.

CraigularB@reddit

I’m dying for a cup

DuraMorte@reddit

REAL coffee? From the hills of Colombia?

kandoras@reddit

Dude, if you enjoyed that then you are in for a life-changing treat.

It's from Terry Pratchett's Discworld series of novels. That particular one is from Men at Arms, about the night shift cops in a fantasy city. There's eight novels about the just cops, and forty one in the entire series.

Not counting cookbooks, traveler's guides, the series where the wizards create Earth in a scientific version of the Manhattan Project, a few animated adaptations, two decent live action films, and one season of a TV show that wasn't that bad judged solely on its own merits but was pretty shit compared to the source material.

Radaysho@reddit

eh, tries a bit too hard

RadioativeStufAKA64@reddit

This sounds like the kind of storytelling from the BOFH series archives (the 1998-2001 archives)

ferky234@reddit

Sounds like you need an insulated thermos.

AbbyM1968@reddit

Or an insulated coffee mug. (Travel Mug)

Teulisch@reddit

superheated liquid caffeine, delivered in a heat-conducting ceramic cup.

in no black chariot of pepperoni flame, but the coffee machine at least gets honorable mention when you try to debug the snow crash.

efahl@reddit

Dude. You solve problems, get a "coffee mug warmer". The one on my desk right now is a Mr Coffee brand, about 15w which is enough to keep it warm enough to be palatable.

I've seen little model Stirling engines that run if you put a cup of hot coffee on them.

I wonder how you could reverse one of those things to make it into a heat pump / cup warmer.

atombomb1945@reddit

I used to have a mug that said "Three steps to enjoy Iced Coffee. First, get a job in IT. Second, brew a hot cup of coffee. Third, check the queue."

Every! Damned! Morning!

paulcaar@reddit

Ember cup time

turtlecults1@reddit

My ember has saved me on countless occasions with my end of day cup of tea. By far one of the best investments I’ve ever made

Throwaway_Old_Guy@reddit

You should either, buck up for a good quality and insulated coffee mug of sufficient size or a nice ceramic mug with a lid and one of those mug warmers that sit on your desk.

Golden_Apple_23@reddit

Definitely one for the 20oz double-walled steel coffee tumbler with the flip lid. Holds two cups of coffee and cream and keeps it warm for me to sip throughout the morning.

By the time that's done, time to switch to the 32oz double-walled bottle of Diet Dr. Pepper...

Caffeine and I aren't just on speaking terms, we're BFFs.

My favourite travel mug was a French Press type, so I could have a fresh cup made how I liked it, whenever I wanted.

Then, I forgot it at work one day and never saw it again... :(

Barista: Here's your coffee miss, warm, white and sweet, with a dash of nutmeg.

Dropped into flow mindspace solving a bug ticket and even forgot about my newly-made coffee.

That's just how that goes unfortunately... sigh

p.s. It's been a good while... Nice to see you're posting again...

Tech_Witch@reddit (OP)

Life has kinda gotten in the way lately.