My girlfriend just dumped me. She said in a teary tirade: “I can’t take your shit any more. You’re so pedantic. Everything I do is wrong. I loved you so much, but it’ll never be enough for you....

The "accusative case" (i.e., the "objective case": me, you, him, her, it, us, them) is often the default for native speakers when actually speaking [as opposed to writing a formal essay to me scrutinized].

Ex: "Me and Gary, we are going to the store. Do you want to come along?"

Ex: (Mother): "Who broke this vase?!!"
(Answer): "It was me." (or) "It was me and Chris."

Ex: "It was me and Chris who thought that Buffalo was the capital of New York."

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Ehronatha@reddit

Except they switch to the nominative say when "me" is preceded by "and":

"Send it to Shawn and I." (I work in a law office and half the lawyers speak and write like this.)

"between you and I" is ubiquitous as well.

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AlexanderHamilton04@reddit

The coordination of nominative conjoined pronouns (like "Kim and I") is also very common (and is no longer considered a mistake or a hypercorrection by many well-established linguists).

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Ehronatha@reddit

It's not considered a mistake because it originated with the professional managerial class. They are not going to brand the speech of Hillary Clinton as a hypercorrection, even though that's what "between you and I" clearly is. The first time I remember hearing it was from one of the smartest (and most well-read) girls I knew in college in the 90s.

"Jill and I" as a subject was drilled in grammar class to avoid "Me and Jill" as a subject. The only reason "I" was placed at the of the coordinate was a form of arbitrary stylistic humility: put yourself last!. There's nothing grammatically wrong with "I and Jill". Since "and I" didn't make any sense, the rule got interpreted by impressionable young smart kids as "I" must follow "and". That is indeed a hypercorrection, but since it is made by academic overachievers, it has received linguistic prestige.

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AlexanderHamilton04@reddit

It's not considered a mistake because it originated with the professional managerial class.

Your key point appears to be it is "not considered a mistake because it originated with the professional managerial class." -- However, these same linguists (the ones saying that "Kim and I" is intentionally used by a large number of people, so it shouldn't be regarded as a "hypercorrection," that is, one that was made by a single speaker in the moment of confusion) [G.K. Pullum, 79; A. Zwicky, 84] are the same professors who argued that "AAE/Black English" is not "mistakes," but rather has distinct grammatical, lexical, and accent characteristics that should be formally recognized as its own dialect, "not simply as Standard English with mistakes."

The idea that they only accept "Kim and I" because the professional managerial class use it is in direct dissonance with the fact that these same people are the ones who argued that AAE/Black English should be recognized and taught as a dialect with its own structure and history instead of dismissing it as just a mistake.

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AlexanderHamilton04@reddit

The only reason "I" was placed at the of the coordinate was a form of arbitrary stylistic humility

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Ehronatha@reddit

Yeah, I edited it: at the end of the

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Typical-Outcome-212@reddit

they're trying too hard to be "professional." ha. however they didn't pay attention in English class cause they thought they'd never need it.

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veloeddy@reddit

Even worse is when they use the possessive.

Whose dog is this? "Shawn and I's."

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iridescentrae@reddit

Mm yeah I mean there are people out there who use correct grammar and slow down the conversation….look up code-switching to see what I’m talking about…casual conversational English is definitely different than academic English

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Dreamajor@reddit

Just between you and I, only me and Garys bros’ and whomevers listening knows whats wrong when their or your talking. I mean come on, how people talk is right even if their writing. It’s the thawt that Counts. Remember when you and me had that queer teacher? They was like a really extinguished gentleman with gold rimmed testicles?

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iridescentrae@reddit

I…don’t code switch like cryptography code switch. Sorry, I don’t know what you’re talking about, but I’m sure there’s something cool and relevant in there to other people

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AlexanderHamilton04@reddit

If people use it in a regular, consistent, verifiable way, that absolutely "makes it right."

Grammar is the internalized rules that speakers of a language follow (typically unconsciously) to combine words and phrases into sentences.

Those rules are learned by native speakers at a very young age, without direct instruction. They are deeply internalized.

If you want to claim grammar is some set of 'magic rules' that people must follow, I can tell you that many of the "rules" that were "true" when I was younger are now listed in famous dictionaries as "archaic" or "not actually true" based on empirical studies of how people actually use language.

"This is wrong because it is different from what I was told" is not an acceptable reason (not "proof") based on empirical evidence.

If those "magic rules" were actually true, we would still be speaking Old English, or Old High German, or more likely some Proto-Indo-European language that has not existed in its original form for 4500–6500 years.

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yParticle@reddit

That doesn't make it right, unless you're some sort of descriptivist!

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Maleficent_Ranger591@reddit

“Ohh my “ Gary the cat again 😝😝😝😝

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Typical-Outcome-212@reddit

Actually he was a snail (sponge bob show). But you know, he DID meow!

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Picholasido_o@reddit

I get it's a joke, but if she still had hope why did she already have another guy and a plan lined up?

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Typical-Outcome-212@reddit

cause women are stupid about loving someone they think they can FIX. and maybe she just thought he'd be jealous and want to stop her. plus it's a fictional story, but much like real life.

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Typical-Outcome-212@reddit

She probably had to pay Gary gas money cause he was doing a favor giving her a lift.

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novice_at_life@reddit

Lol yeah, that's what I was focusing on, too. Like, if he'd begged her to stay and promised to change, would she have told Gary to go home and wait for the next time he messed up? Lol

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Dash508one@reddit

I'm with you, I doubt it, but I guess Gary could be a dog, or their kid, but Gary's probably the guy she works with and always told him there's nothing to worry about, lol

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runeknight76@reddit

Because that’s what women do

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Typical-Outcome-212@reddit

good one. hoped it would be a joke

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mangDelfin@reddit

Friend1: I am so done with this world! Everything I do just isn't right! Friend2: No, you're terribly mistaken! Friend1: See?! SEE?!

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smorga@reddit

"I can't stand your pedanticness any more!!"

"I think you meant to say 'pedantry', dear."

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Sad_Frosting3921@reddit

I’ve never heard the use of “pedanticness”, before – other than in the reply, above – but pedanticism I have heard, often…

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Gil-Gandel@reddit

My wife and I straight up had this conversation, but in fewer words:

"Your pedanticness is really annoying!"

"... Pedantry"

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zxDanKwan@reddit

Knock knock.

Whose there?

To.

To who?

No, it’s “To Whom.”

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warlock415@reddit

That is my personal favorite knock knock joke because my 11th grade English teacher claimed that there was absolutely no such thing as a funny knock knock joke and I got her with it.

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leftcoast-usa@reddit

Lucky you, except you do realize that that was probably the high point of your whole life, and it's all downhill from there. ;-)

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warlock415@reddit

Nah, I've had better comedy moments.

I once destroyed an entire room for about five minutes with the hijacked truckload of Viagra joke.

!The police are on the lookout for one or more hardened criminals.!<

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leftcoast-usa@reddit

Good one - haven't heard it before, although at my age, it's hard to remember.

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Ousseraune@reddit

We're on reddit. That might be the high point of the collective lives on this sub.

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BodgeJob@reddit

Whose there is it anyway?

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Chesh78@reddit

My wife left me because I got a penis extension.

She said she couldn't take it any longer.

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GeffoisCOM@reddit

That's a good one. Too long though.

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lex_tok@reddit

And my wife left me over my sexual fetishes.

I said "Slam the door on my penis on your way out!!"

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GaryG7@reddit

Who is she and where are we going? 🤣

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evry1smom66@reddit

Gary you fool!! She's got you now!!!

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GaryG7@reddit

The reason I need her name is to figure out which girlfriend of mine she is.

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About_Average_0303@reddit

No Gary, no. No Gary, no. Noooo Gary!

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darwin-rover@reddit

Gary why! Why Gary why?!

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Senjen95@reddit

His ex, and north. C'mon, Gary

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MinecraftDoodler@reddit

I want a divorce

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vonhoother@reddit

My spouse told me she was going to a "deep listening" retreat at our church. We've been together a long time , so I knew she would be deeply disappointed if I didn't say "What?"

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PatienceandFortitude@reddit

Husband is on the phone with his wife and he’s reading a letter she left for him. He cries, “I can’t believe you left me like this! And by the way nit-picking has a hyphen.”

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ithorc@reddit

The real trigger is always in the comments

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Acrobatic_Matter_109@reddit

No, the real Trigger is always in the pub with Del and Rodney.

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tmbgfan1234@reddit

No, the real Tigger is underneath Roy Rogers.

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badOedipus@reddit

I believe you meant the real Trigger as the real Tigger use in the hundred acre wood with Rabbit, Pooh and Piglet.

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HeartOChaos@reddit

You used a dash instead of a hyphen. /s

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FurstWrangler@reddit

Sucker. Gary doesn't know how to use a colon properly so you're going to be taking his shit too.

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Trama-D@reddit

What's this about Gary's large bowel?!

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Objective_Act4601@reddit

THIS!!!

You win the interwebs today.

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Alarming_Breath_3110@reddit

Is there or their or they’re a point here?

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12altoids34@reddit

Wife " I'm so sick of this! You treat me like I'm nothing but a cook and a cleaning lady. Which is bad enough but on top of that you never listen to a single word I say!"

Husband " sure babe, whatever you want to fix is fine with me"

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x678z@reddit

Damn! This right is worthy of gold ✨️ 🙌. Made me genuinely 😃

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duckwoollyellow@reddit

My wife said "Are you even listening to me?" which I thought was an odd way to start a conversation.

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MontaukMonster2@reddit

Girlfriend: I can't take it with you anymore! All you ever do is play games! Everything is a game to you! I'm leaving. good-BYE!

Me: you can't leave; the floor is lava.

Girlfriend: [sits down on the counter and looks wearily at the floor]. Change it back!

Me: No.

Girlfriend: I'm calling the police.

[Police show up]

Police: Alright, what's the problem.

Girlfriend: [still sitting on the counter] he won't let me leave.

Police: [looks around] how's he stopping you?

Girlfriend: he made the floor lava.

Police: [on radio] Domestic dispute, male prevents the female from leaving we're going to arrest him. Over.

Police: [steps onto the floor]

Me: officer, the floor is lava.

Police: SHIT! [jumps up onto the counter]

Girlfriend: see?

Police: change it back!

Me: no.

Police: dispatch, we need backup. Suspect says the floor is lava, and we cannot move. Please advi... hello?

Anyway, long story short, we're still together.

[-]

nihility24@reddit

Sorry can anyone explain the punchline please, what does ‘Gary & I’ mean and what’s it about the 3 magic word?

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Gil-Gandel@reddit

"Gary and I" are doing something, because if Gary were not involved it would be "I" am doing something.

Or "That's for Gary and me" because again without Gary, "that" would be for "me".

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carmium@reddit

I wish half the TV reporters who are paid to speak publicly knew this. They constantly use I as if it's the only correct word out there: "Politician gave this handout to the other reporters and I..."

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Fafnir13@reddit

I’ve known this rule for decades but this is the first time I’ve actually seen it spelled out why. It was always just “ it’s grammatically correct” and I had no further questions.

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Homer_J_Fry@reddit

The reason is obvious. If it's in the subject, you use the subjective case. If it's the object, you use the objective case.

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Gil-Gandel@reddit

Yes, but I already explained, with examples, for the benefit of people who might not ever have heard about "cases".

For me, learning a little about Latin advanced my education in formal grammar no end, not to mention letting me understand the "Romanes eunt domus" sketch properly.

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warrenwtom@reddit

Put others first when listing out names. "Nihility24 and I are here," "Nihility24, Gary, and I will be going to the concert."

When people put themselves first in listing names, it can come off as selfish or self-centered too.

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Bowgs@reddit

That's not why it's wrong. It's grammatically incorrect. If you were referring to yourself in the singular you would say "I am going...", therefore when you add another person it's correct to say "Gary and I are going...".

Sometimes it's correct to say "Me and Gary" - for instance "take me and Gary to....".

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Majikthise042@reddit

I think you still need to put the other first, "Jill is taking Gary and me to the store."

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Silverback40@reddit

The three magic words are commonly 'I love you'.

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Bowgs@reddit

The husband is pedantic. "Me and Gary" is grammatically incorrect in this case - she should say "Gary and I are....". Rather than being upset at her leaving her takes the opportunity to correct her grammar.

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tkeelah@reddit

... he takes the opportunity ... Come on, get it right Bowgs.

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drgnbyte2003@reddit

It's American English grammar. The ex had said, "Me and Gary are..." and the husband corrected her to "Gary and I" as the grammatically correct choice; this just made sure she wanted to leave, thus the 'magic words'

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Bowgs@reddit

It's not American English grammar, it's just incorrect grammar. People make this mistake everywhere English is spoken

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B3NNYM@reddit

That’s the correct way to say it, me and Gary isn’t the queens english, so husband was still correcting her.

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Gumbysfriend@reddit

She's in the house singing ... I'm on the porch so people won't think I'm hitting her

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carmium@reddit

My stepmother! She thought she could sing, and would do this weird key switch or something. Sounded like eeeYOWRRrrr... into a lower register. Every damn song. I had to use earplugs whenever she was being "musical."

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Trailerparkboy76@reddit

, .n m m bc , nn m b.

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itmytech@reddit

At least one of them is driving away grammatically correct!

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CthulubeFlavorcube@reddit

Real punchline: OP has at least 4 grammatical errors in this joke.

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Homer_J_Fry@reddit

Missing comma before and Missing period inside quote. Missing punctuation inside next quote. Comma after eyes instead of semicolon. (or just make separate sentences) Missing punctuation inside last quote.

So I count 5 mistakes, not counting the one that's the punchline.

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Fearchar@reddit

What about "any more" instead of "anymore"?

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G_D_Ironside@reddit

I find this post shallow and pedantic. 😉

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Aegon_the_Conquerer@reddit

“Knock knock.”

“Who’s there?”

“To.”

“To who?”

“No, no, it’s to whom.”

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Gumbysfriend@reddit

Woman tells her husband she wants ice cream. Vanilla " want me to write it down ? " he's says " no " she says "I want whipped cream and chocolate fudge too " want me to write it down again he says "no " he come back hr later throws a greasy bag on the table , she looks in the bag sees a bagel and says " you forgot the cream.cheese "

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SwitchClear4215@reddit

Hole or pole?

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Valuable-Paramedic93@reddit

Dave and I ....damn you Dave

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MeButNotMeToo@reddit

Dave? Dave’s not here.

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Homer_J_Fry@reddit

I was going to correct the grammatical error myself as it was bugging me, only to realize that was of course the punchline. Got me!

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fastpixels@reddit

I could spend the rest of my life correcting my wife. Which would be from now until the next time I try to correct her.

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missionbeach@reddit

Your girlfriend already had another guy lined up before breaking up with you? You might not have known it yet, but she wasn't your girlfriend.

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jopheza@reddit

It actually isn’t Gary and I in this case.

You wouldn’t say “I are” so you don’t say Gary and I are.

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DrekleMD@reddit

Wouldn't you say 'I am"? I don't think I would use 'me are/am'

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Bluebehir@reddit

But you would say we are.

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Cadrid@reddit

The "we" referring to "he and I" not "him and me."

"He and I are leaving." makes grammatical sense; saying "Him and me are leaving." doesn't.

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Bowgs@reddit

No, you're wrong. You would say "I am going" therefore "Gary and I are going" is correct. Are is the plural of am

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Lemfan46@reddit

My wife said that is me to a tee. Somehow she puts up with my pedantic ass.

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Iffy50@reddit

I'm not pedantic, you're pedantic!!

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JohnnyThunder_69@reddit

Everything you SAY is wrong love, not everything you DO

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Tolatetomorrow@reddit

Sweet , get another, you will eventually find one that will put up with u. They are all crazy, insecure, rather discuss how the fire started than put the fire out, will take the dog for a walk and forget to pick up their kid from school. Mate you’re laughing.

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Gil-Gandel@reddit

Or the cartoon where the poor old husband is dangling from the ceiling, and the wife is looking at the keep-yourself-safe note and saying "and look who can't spell 'constant criticism', then..."

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B9stardBadger@reddit

My baby mama hated me for correction like this.... Now... She's a correctional guard. And I'm a felon.