TheaterFire

My favorite sex position is the JFK

Posted by Jack_Torrance_91@reddit | Jokes | View on Reddit | 145 comments

It's when I splatter all over her face as she screams and tries to get out of the car.

Reply to Post

145 Comments

GratefulGumby@reddit

Road head?
View on Reddit #34825302

daledena@reddit

Uh yeah, I sure hope it does
View on Reddit #35070863

user_account_deleted@reddit

No, that's the RFK Jr. It's a whale of a good time 
View on Reddit #34829187

willd83@reddit

Teddie Kennedy
View on Reddit #34844621

nuclearbastard@reddit

That's where you pay for it.
View on Reddit #34858851

Punkeewalla@reddit

Cauliflower ear.
View on Reddit #34825613

FickleBJT@reddit

....Wh- No I don't want to know....
View on Reddit #34827809

Nightcrew22@reddit

Legalize it
View on Reddit #34825381

Psyqlone@reddit

*... back ... and to the left ...*
View on Reddit #34828047

adnyp@reddit

Unfortunately this joke would refer to Teddy Kennedy, not JFK. Funny though.
View on Reddit #34830528

Woodentit_B_Lovely@reddit

Ted Kennedy would have been president if he'd driven a Volkswagen
View on Reddit #34836491

Illustrious-Way638@reddit

My Grandpa always told me as Kennedy would say we will cross that bridge when we get to it .
View on Reddit #35062596

Visible-Pie-3225@reddit

He wouldn't be caught dead in a Volkswagen.
View on Reddit #34886480

Rivertalker@reddit

National Lampoon!
View on Reddit #34853503

monkeyhind@reddit

We had that issue!
View on Reddit #34862385

Fuckoffassholes@reddit

Does that imply that Teddy could have been president if Mary Jo Kopechne had survived? I disagree.. The whole reason that Ted Kennedy murdered his pregnant mistress was to *protect* his political career. If she'd survived, he'd not only not be president, he'd have been voted out of the senate. Fortunately for him, the heirs of political dynasties are not subject to criminal prosecution like common folk.
View on Reddit #34860454

Muzzikmann@reddit

You're not the brightest knife in the crayon drawer are you
View on Reddit #34836280

brawkly@reddit

\* the sharpest bulb in the deck
View on Reddit #34836362

okkamsrazor_@reddit

Sharpest crayon in the toolshed
View on Reddit #34877054

bplurt@reddit

... the brightest sandwich in the dictionary
View on Reddit #34839027

Grip-my-juiceky@reddit

The sharpest knife in the place where the knives go
View on Reddit #34847097

solidfuel01@reddit

The most thawed Pogo in the box .
View on Reddit #34861322

Aggravating-Cap5024@reddit

He's one sandwich short of a goose
View on Reddit #34851080

ajwooster@reddit

Do you remember the Romp dot com with the Ted Kennedy jokes?
View on Reddit #34851927

Kvltadelic@reddit

🤔
View on Reddit #34832091

buddhabeans94@reddit

For your safety wear a helmet and a semen-proof vest
View on Reddit #34829793

just_now_2021@reddit

r/lifeprotips
View on Reddit #34848879

AverageDemocrat@reddit

There had to have been a second shooter
View on Reddit #34872468

Visible-Pie-3225@reddit

He was hiding in her bush
View on Reddit #34886257

AverageDemocrat@reddit

The grassy knoll
View on Reddit #34888689

Illustrious-Way638@reddit

The grassy bush! The money shot!
View on Reddit #35062520

mdave52@reddit

Clever comment. You deserve something, but I have nothing so....
View on Reddit #34879887

Visible-Pie-3225@reddit

Right on
View on Reddit #34886100

SocialTechnocracy@reddit

Tell me you got your sex education in the USA without telling me you got your sex education in the USA...
View on Reddit #34872276

Pole420@reddit

That is one magic loogie. 
View on Reddit #34830305

VanBurenBoy_Seven@reddit

I hate Keith Hernandez! Unfortunately, the immutable laws of physics contradict the whole premise of your account.
View on Reddit #34943855

Aoko_MoonlitStre@reddit

That's a wild take on a classic! Definitely a bold choice—just make sure the mood is right and the windows are rolled up!
View on Reddit #34902395

Aoko_MoonlitStre@reddit

That’s one wild ride! Just make sure you’re both on board with the scenario before hitting the gas. Safety first!
View on Reddit #34896833

W1ULH@reddit

> ... back ... and to the left ... ... back ... and to the left ...
View on Reddit #34851846

dendroidarchitecture@reddit

COME ON AND SHOOT, MOTHERFUCKER
View on Reddit #34893227

Visible-Pie-3225@reddit

JFKs car didn't had the top down
View on Reddit #34886219

BabyFartMacGeezacks@reddit

There was a second spitter on the gravely road
View on Reddit #34850018

Rivertalker@reddit

On the Hershey Highway
View on Reddit #34866463

billy_bojangles@reddit

.. Allow me to reconstruct the scenario as I have heard this story a number of times...
View on Reddit #34863862

HeavensAnger@reddit

On the grassy knoll?
View on Reddit #34837282

Rivertalker@reddit

In the gassy hole
View on Reddit #34853565

OuchMyVagSak@reddit

That's a magical nut
View on Reddit #34841724

Aoko_MoonlitStre@reddit

That's a wild twist on a classic! Just remember, it's all about mutual enjoyment—safety first, even with the humor!
View on Reddit #34836485

FireInPaperBox@reddit

The ol Bill Hicks.
View on Reddit #34836223

Nomis555@reddit

https://youtu.be/K8fU9Ykvwkc?si=CwK6SL5B70tfOJ5A RIP Buttercup
View on Reddit #34830797

Responsible_Weird415@reddit

You dope. that was Ted Kennedy at Chappaquiddick at Martha’s Vineyard. But don’t let fact’s ruin your joke
View on Reddit #34938754

harpErrosE1@reddit

The number 59 is just a JFK 69...
View on Reddit #34925134

pretty_worn@reddit

Lol
View on Reddit #34910978

mr_trashbear@reddit

Sounds mind blowing!
View on Reddit #34908180

CodeByNumbers@reddit

Jesus Fucking Christ
View on Reddit #34901697

chronixxz420@reddit

Don't forget the grassy knoll
View on Reddit #34876152

LostMyPasswordToMike@reddit

woman jumps into the next car two days later . guy introduces himself as Johnson.
View on Reddit #34875122

MaskedJackyl@reddit

Mine is the minivan 2 up front, five in the rear.
View on Reddit #34874976

miroku907@reddit

Did it blow her mind?
View on Reddit #34870326

Loud-Process7413@reddit

It was the Muffia that did it!! No...it was the Cummies!🫢
View on Reddit #34869693

Nostro77777@reddit

What you didn't know is that there's this Jewish guy who's been filming you in the act, he's going to share the film with the world, and every frame of it is going to be scrutinized for the next sixty years
View on Reddit #34833012

monkeyhind@reddit

Is the fact that he was Jewish pertinent? It never occurred to me to wonder what about his religion.
View on Reddit #34862631

Nostro77777@reddit

I'm Jewish, but not American. Maybe I'm wrong, but I've always assumed Zapruder's ethnicity (not religion) naturally came to mind for Americans, not in a negative way but in the same way as for any public figure who is obviously Jewish, like Mel Brooks, as opposed to someone you couldn't tell is Jewish just by name/looking at, like Kirk Douglas (whose original name was Isser Danielovitch). Also there was a Mad TV skit that might have also influenced my thinking on this, where other Zapruder home movies are revealed, one in which they're lighting candles on Hannukah, and in each one someone gets surprisingly shot at. It's on YT: https://youtu.be/7-s0AuYHp_Y?si=2PON9kVcsbphx7tm
View on Reddit #34866447

DronedAgain@reddit

I love this joke unreservedly.
View on Reddit #34866314

chiliguyflyby@reddit

Too soon
View on Reddit #34863068

colBoh@reddit

My favorite sex position is the JFK; it blows my mind!
View on Reddit #34862182

colBoh@reddit

It'll blow your mind!
View on Reddit #34862130

nuclearbastard@reddit

In Dallas with her top down, invading her book depository.
View on Reddit #34858975

themcroy@reddit

I call it the Jackie O.
View on Reddit #34857902

JoesCat@reddit

The Jackie o oO oooO!
View on Reddit #34858451

superdpr@reddit

My favorite is the RFK, where I put her in the trunk and then later defile her in Central Park.
View on Reddit #34832191

missionbeach@reddit

Jr., make sure you add Jr.
View on Reddit #34857787

FreakinSweet86@reddit

Back and to the left Back and to the left Back and to the left Back and to the left
View on Reddit #34856744

HappyFock@reddit

Does she appreciate the “second shooter”
View on Reddit #34855985

NoNoNames2000@reddit

Other than that, Mrs. Kennedy, how was the parade?
View on Reddit #34842535

Bigduck73@reddit

If I've learned anything from Jackie and Monica... You get just a little bit of presidential head on your dress you're going to be world news for weeks
View on Reddit #34848195

KingoftheMongoose@reddit

That's why Nancy is the Throat Goat. She always kept a tight lid on it.
View on Reddit #34852674

IranRPCV@reddit

...Too soon.
View on Reddit #34852669

SchrodingersNutsack@reddit

I thought the JFK was when you're behind her and she thinks you just pulled out and busted on her back, but it was actually your buddy who jumped out from behind a bush and nutted on her...the second shooter.
View on Reddit #34827439

compagemony@reddit

it was a grassy knoll
View on Reddit #34851782

OneCleverlyNamedUser@reddit

How much bush does she have to have for a friend to hide behind it?
View on Reddit #34829832

og-lollercopter@reddit

This move started in the 60s, so… a lot of bush back in the day.
View on Reddit #34845922

voiceofgromit@reddit

It was the 60s. Bushes were plenty bushy.
View on Reddit #34837582

Specific_Tap7296@reddit

Bush was much a later than Kennedy
View on Reddit #34834335

gardyjuland@reddit

Jackie just desperately trying to stuff the nut back in the penis.
View on Reddit #34825892

compagemony@reddit

cant put the toothpaste back in the tube
View on Reddit #34851673

alphamoonstar@reddit

Hahaha, wtf?
View on Reddit #34828886

gardyjuland@reddit

Yea like when she was trying to get all of jfks brain and put it back in his head. She even brought some to the doctors with her so they could put it back in lol.
View on Reddit #34828985

PaganPrincess22@reddit

Keep in mind - they were Catholic. Many Catholics believe the body should be buried "whole". I.e. with 100% of their skull and brain matter
View on Reddit #34830282

gardyjuland@reddit

Yea except she was in shock and trying to get the pieces to fix him. She talked about it some time later and says she has no recollection of doing it at all. She crawled back in her seat and cradled his head she recalled trying to keep his brain from seeping out and remembered saying, "jack,jack,jack! Can you hear me? I love you, jack". It's wild she also wore the bloody suit next to his casket to "show them what they had done"
View on Reddit #34831264

DunkMasterFlexin@reddit

Amazing day to be literate.
View on Reddit #34829731

RomanOnARiver@reddit

Call that... Getting brain?
View on Reddit #34847806

yecunceyeee@reddit

The first shot missed
View on Reddit #34846518

Kdoglol@reddit

With a second shooter?
View on Reddit #34845055

rahnbj@reddit

Too soon
View on Reddit #34842489

TominNJ@reddit

Too soon
View on Reddit #34841575

Unable-Pin-9196@reddit

here comes the magic bullet
View on Reddit #34840899

nathan519@reddit

Jack fucking Kennedy
View on Reddit #34840792

ad-tom-music@reddit

Getting brain in the back seat
View on Reddit #34840503

Transportion_Due90@reddit

Stupid me, thinking this stood for Just F**king Knut. I'm sorry
View on Reddit #34840255

Transportion_Due90@reddit

Stupid me, thinking this stood for Just F**king Knut. I'm sorry
View on Reddit #34840254

SadClownWithABigDick@reddit

Messy head in the back seat of my car
View on Reddit #34839771

Codex1101@reddit

She takes you to Dallas and blows your brains out?
View on Reddit #34834738

outlying_point@reddit

You win
View on Reddit #34839111

lucid_owl@reddit

This one blew my mind
View on Reddit #34838695

L4t3xs@reddit

>[spatter](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WeecIfOMId4)
View on Reddit #34837270

NebulaNinja-19@reddit

Some things are just better left unsaid
View on Reddit #34836643

Amidatelion@reddit

Thought that's where your hungover buddy who was standing guard finishes her from behind.
View on Reddit #34836636

Matt_Benatar@reddit

That’s called assault, brutha.
View on Reddit #34828253

woShame12@reddit

Is this even a joke? Is non-consent the joke? Yeah....funny /s
View on Reddit #34830275

AlphaDragger@reddit

Do you have any friends? Don't get many invites to parties either, huh?🙄
View on Reddit #34835379

Busy-Number-2414@reddit

Can someone please explain 🫣
View on Reddit #34827099

seidinove@reddit

OP is mixing up JFK with Ted Kennedy.
View on Reddit #34835364

joihelper@reddit

President John F Kennedy (JFK) was assassinated in 1963. He was shot in a car and near his wife at the time.
View on Reddit #34830233

Mister-Grogg@reddit

I feel terrible for loving this joke so much. It’s a horrible joke and I’m a horrible person for loving it. I can’t wait to tell it to my wife. She’ll be horrified. When JFK was assassinated in his motorcade, he took a high power round to the head, and his blood and brain matter and pieces of his skull splattered all over his wife sitting next to him in the car. Now read the joke again.
View on Reddit #34828645

Sea_Patience3612@reddit

Your wife should be horrified.
View on Reddit #34829326

Mister-Grogg@reddit

She will be. She’ll love it!
View on Reddit #34829746

Busy-Number-2414@reddit

Oh I didn’t know those were the circumstances how JFK was assassinated. Thank you!
View on Reddit #34828775

LOUDCO-HD@reddit

There is famous footage of Jacquline Kennedy crawling onto the limo trunk to retrieve a piece of his skull as the car speeds away.
View on Reddit #34829596

Busy-Number-2414@reddit

🫣
View on Reddit #34829650

Sea_Patience3612@reddit

Yeah, all these comments are all Fxxxx'd up!!!
View on Reddit #34829282

RaptureRising@reddit

I would but it would blow your mind.
View on Reddit #34827396

Busy-Number-2414@reddit

Blow it please. Blow it hard
View on Reddit #34827630

WN11@reddit

Good one!
View on Reddit #34835259

TrippySwoop@reddit

i bet that feels mind blowing
View on Reddit #34834819

Responsible-Idea3794@reddit

Watch out for the second shooter.
View on Reddit #34833349

RainmanCT@reddit

Ho boy...
View on Reddit #34833297

archbid@reddit

I hide mine in a grassy knoll
View on Reddit #34832699

curmudgeondoug@reddit

Too soon
View on Reddit #34832349

sherriffflood@reddit

The suppository?
View on Reddit #34830634

Birdo-the-Besto@reddit

The Jesus Fucking Krist?
View on Reddit #34829606

Exciting-Date5887@reddit

Still too soon…..
View on Reddit #34829549

elf25@reddit

Too soon…
View on Reddit #34829351

Sea_Patience3612@reddit

Yeah, they're all F'd up
View on Reddit #34829234

PHotstepper311@reddit

Omg. That’s what she said!
View on Reddit #34829101

Sea_Patience3612@reddit

Starting to understand the expression, "Men are Dogs!!!"
View on Reddit #34829087

decoparts@reddit

Yeah, but we need to know- was there a second shooter?
View on Reddit #34829078

Top_Product_3841@reddit

I had a triple chambered US Bong in high school and we called it the JFK…as in really blows the back of your head off.
View on Reddit #34828738

Nuada-oz@reddit

Also known as the Zapruder position
View on Reddit #34828644

Jacobu0826@reddit

Airhead, road head but your a pilot
View on Reddit #34828324

Pudf@reddit

Too soon
View on Reddit #34827455

sweetsugaryplum@reddit

wutt??
View on Reddit #34827405

Quinocco@reddit

Too soon!
View on Reddit #34826434

BlowFish-w-o-Hootie@reddit

... tries getting out of a moving car.
View on Reddit #34825809

xWickedIdeasx@reddit

I thought JFK is Just Fucking KDoggy
View on Reddit #34824867