Unemployment office does not computer

Posted by Super_Bad_64@reddit | talesfromtechsupport | View on Reddit | 80 comments

Cast of characters:

$Me: Currently unemployed Linux system administrator. PFY without the P or the Y. Mild streaks of BOFH
$Drone: Unemployment office worker
$Manager: N+1 to the above. Might contain trace amounts of plaster and/or concrete due to poor locational choices when she was being rocked by her parents
$Companies: Bloodsuckers who usually think the idea of a livable wage to be utterly ridiculous. Also they want to hire me for some reason

For a bit of context, I left my job in early June due to what I will charitably call "major disagreements about remuneration". I've then signed up to the local unemployment office, after scrambling to find the login info I used for the last time about four years and two computers ago. Curse me for not saving that to the cloud /s

Anyway, summer being what it is, job postings are very sparse, so I spend most of my time doing other things. $Drone is the job counselor assigned to my case; incidentally she happened to be on vacation herself when I signed up so my first few mails were met with automated responses. Unfortunately for me she's also in charge of approving my unemployment benefits, so let's just say I got my July payment sometime around the middle of August.

One of the conditions to receive unemployment is to not reject more than two offers per month without cause. Said cause can be almost anything reasonable like the commute being too long, the pay not being enough, basically a bunch of somewhat logical reasons to reject a job. Note that you can cheat the system and just apply and present yourself as the most un-hireable person ever and this won't count against you; the unemployment office does not have access to the end result of interviews. But I digress.

One morning I receive ~~one~~ several calls from $Drone, who is back from vacation with a fire burning in her heart, and the equivalent of a heat based death ray directed at me.

$Drone: I noticed you have rejected the offer from $Company1. I'm calling to tell you this is your first warning.

$Company1 posted, as far as I can tell, a decent offer (if a little low on the simoleons). The one problem, and reason why I declined, is that their infrastructure is 100% Windows Server based. I try to position myself as a Linux guy; I need to have at the very least equal parts Linux and Windows Server to not have this job negatively affect my career path.
And if you think I'm over-reacting to this: I still get calls from EE companies that saw I made one Arduino project 10 years ago on some crusty old godforsaken version of my resume.

I proceed to explain the above to $Drone, but $Drone isn't a computer person.

$Drone: I don't understand how, and I don't need to; one more infraction and your unemployment will be suspended.
$Me, annoyed as fsck to be the Karen for once: Put me through to your manager. NOW.

Bad move. Turns out $Manager is even worse. Whodathought. You would think me quitting because I tried to talk to the lizardfolk in the first place would teach me something, but noooooo.
I explain the same situation to her, and her answer is somehow even worse.

$Manager: $Drone is right and actually I think you're being difficult on purpose.
$Me: The fsck do you mean "difficult on purpose" ?!
$Manager: We have sent you more than one reasonable offer for someone with your experience. You declined $Company2's very competitive offer-
$Me, interrupting her: $Company2's opening is for an e-waste sorter. [Note: I'm not entirely sure how to translate this; sorting electronic waste before processing and potentially shipping it out to specialized recycling plants]
$Manager: Yes, so it's in-line with your computer skills, right ?
$Me: Absolutely not. I operate computers; My role in their decommissioning usually stops at the recycling center's gates.
$Manager: But a job is a job.
$Me: The terms are pretty clear: I need to have a valid cause for rejecting a job. The job literally not being anywhere near close to what I have ever done should be a valid enough cause !
$Manager: All I'm seeing is that you're not willing to work, so I will have to suspend your benefits.
$Me, really losing it at this point: Listen carefully to me: THIS ISN'T MY JOB. I DO NOT WORK IN RECYCLING.
$Manager: But it's computers !

This went on a loop for a much longer time than it really should be. At some point I started asking for anybody with more computer literacy in the building, hopefully someone specialized in IT recruiting, hell at this point I'd have talked to a potted plant if it put $Manager out of my nonexistant hair for a minute.

Apparently my local unemployment office doesn't have a recruiter specialized in IT, despite being located in the middle of an office district known to abduct entire classes worth of graduates every fall. 21st century my shiny metal arse. Ended up having to call the national unemployment office, and wait for an hour to have a five minute conversation with an IT specialist that acted like he will schedule training for $Drone and $Manager. I'm off the hook for now, but I don't know how long that will last.