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nayR2003@reddit

He clearly implies they're miserable due to a wife and kids. Eg, replying to a post regarding people without them. And stating its an easy life for him, and the only difference is that he doesn't have a wife and kids lol.

Kids have always been a financial burden, you mentioned a glowing 'period' in your response. So I'll ask again, why is it now then that kids and a wife are more of an issue?

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The_Burning_Wizard@reddit

You're assuming quite a bit based on three sentences...

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nayR2003@reddit

Okay....

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PrettyUsual@reddit

Kids (due to the associated financial burden) are clearly more of an issue when the country is in a state of financial turmoil. If you can afford a house on a single salary, and one parent doesn’t have to work (how it used to be) then your sorted.

He probably hears them complaining about the bad bits, but that's just because they want to vent to someone. They probably don't tell him about the amazing bits because they don't want to upset him.

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nayR2003@reddit

Literally replying to others.

Chronically online refers to people who live their entire life online.

I have plenty of other, non online hobbies. Thanks.

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TheReverend403@reddit

Like alcoholism and opiates? :\^)

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nayR2003@reddit

Yeah, to be honest I'm sorry for earlier.

Not quite sure what my issue was. Stinking mood for no reason. Like others mentioned, probs projecting my own frustrations.

Apologies mate

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nayR2003@reddit

If you'd see from my post history I'm actually 12 days sober from alcohol and haven't done opiates since December lol :\^)

Was referring to lifting weights.

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nacho82791@reddit

https://www.reddit.com/r/cripplingalcoholism/s/Ng0rQBWXzl

This you?

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nayR2003@reddit

Your point lol?

If you moved countries at the age of 20, im sure you'd find it trickier to make friends?

Now THAT'S a Reddit response..

Although he is on almost minimum wage and the job he does many of his friends are not far off too.

I'd imagine that's pretty miserable if you have a family.

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GmartSuy_Very_Smart@reddit

eairy@reddit

You sound like you may be 15 years old

God, I wish.

You sound like one of those people into self-flagellation with a dash of toxic masculinity thrown in.

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GanacheImportant8186@reddit

I'm not into self flagellation. I just know the 'pain' of looking after children isn't real and isn't even worth considering relative to what that expenditure of energy returns.

bee-sting@reddit

what the fuck did i just read

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GanacheImportant8186@reddit

What's the issue? If you don't agree it's because you lack imagination.

Ye Olde society's still had ways of dealing with unwanted children and pregnancy, we just typically would view their methods as unacceptably dangerous or straight up immoral nowadays.

Obviously, they would have been very much shooting in the dark, but there's documents that detail ancient methods of abortion from thousands of years ago.

dudefullofjelly@reddit

Hang in there. Time flies. My little ones are 4 and 8, and it feels like they were born last week and last year instead of 2020 and 2015. There are different issues now, but the sleep deprivation eased off a long time ago.

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urban_shoe_myth@reddit

And before you know it, it's 20 years down the line... in my mind my kids will always be around 6-8yrs old and it's mind boggling that one is in the army being deployed somewhere crazy soon, and the other is coming up to the end of their first year at uni. Their growing up years have just flown and I still can't believe I'm old enough to have kids as old as they are... sigh...

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badtasteblues@reddit

I feel like I could have written this. My son is the same. I’m delirious with sleep deprivation but he is such a joy, and I am very content with life right now.

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chellyc12@reddit

Spot on

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mydogsaprick@reddit

Babies are hard on relationships. Neither of you has the free time you used to have, and you don't have the time for each other you had before. All parents will go through it. Sometimes, things are really hard, and you can start to feel like housemates more than husband and wife. You need to make time for each other and just remind each other of what they mean to you.

I'm playing golf tomorrow for the first time since my birthday last July. I may not see my mates to go for drinks every couple of weeks. But none of that matters because the look on my daughters face when I get back from work or walking the dogs makes it worth it. Me and my wife will get our lives back when we don't have to worry about our daughter doing something stupid all the time, maybe later if there's another child.

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AgreeablePepper8931@reddit

Dad here. Your female friends should have found better men.

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sparkie_t@reddit

Hard to know what's happening here ... My impression of this generation of dad's is that they are much more involved in the childcare and household duties than previous generations. All the dads I know work, then help in the care of the family and maybe have 1 hobby they do one night a week. Of course there are bound to be examples of men who are not stepping up, or my sample is self selecting for my experience, or there's still a bit of a cultural hangover about labelling men as useless. Not sure really

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AgreeablePepper8931@reddit

Your sample is my experience as a dad of two small kids. I work full time, but do every morning school drop off, a few pickups, and regular weekend party and after school activities. I have DnD twice a month which means I’m away for those afternoon / evenings, and I have half-hour or an hour here and there throughout the week for gym/exercise. My wife has equal time for her things. This is also the situation with my friends who have had kids, and parents of my kids’ friends’.

Don’t get me wrong, there are still some shitty men who are shitty dads out there - my brother in law is one - but these are now, from my present experience, the exception.

This is not true.

They moan at you. Because thats what women do. But inside they are more content than you probably are.

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bee-sting@reddit

ooh a man telling women how we think, never seen that before ^/s

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ClassroomLumpy5691@reddit

Yep. And it interests me that there seems to be less interest in whether women are happy with being married or single, than whether men are..we were brought up to feel our happiness depends on pleasing and serving other people...I guess many younger men are confused that they don't get what they felt they were 'owed' from the world. (Should note I have had run ins with young men on reddit several times- apparently I am 'insufferable' just because I'm single and happy with it?! I seriously think this is a state far more men should be aiming towards.

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fjordsand@reddit

& this is exactly why fewer and fewer women want to sacrifice their lives giving men children

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GanacheImportant8186@reddit

They are miserable in some ways (overworked, under slept, no time for themselves). But they are doing something that gets easier and easier and adds more and more richness to their lives with time

Come back in 5 to 10 years and the mothers will be vastly more content with their lives than the singletons and childless.

It is what it is. People wrongly conflate having a difficult time with making the wrong decision. Critical error for a life well lived.

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ert270@reddit

The 50’s called. They want their gender stereotypes back.

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bee-sting@reddit

IHaveAWittyUsername@reddit

To be fair I've often lamented about being single and childless at 35 with my married friends with children and they've point blank told me they're jealous about my own lifestyle. I think miserable is probably a strong word but there's benefits to both things.

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TestPilotIan@reddit

Just tell them it’s ok, when their little shit goes off to uni they’ll have plenty of time to enjoy themselves again.

I know we’ve had more holidays and free time in the last two years since our son went to uni than the previous 19 combined lol and super bonus out kid grew up a lot in that time too.

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Ok-Dig3431@reddit

Yeah the divorce rate is running at 44% in the UK right now.

Also:

https://www.washingtonpost.com/news/inspired-life/wp/2015/06/30/when-threes-not-the-charm-how-to-manage-the-higher-risk-of-divorce-when-baby-comes-along/#

“He discovered most couple break-ups within the first seven years were because they became parents. A staggering 67% of couples in the study reported a decline in relationship satisfaction after the arrival of the first baby.”

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Chromium-Throw@reddit

But they wouldn’t take your life over theirs any day of the week.

It’s always the same recycled relationship circlejerk on Reddit.

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RedDemio-@reddit

You’re assuming an awful lot with that comment lol. I literally just reversed the OPs comment, why are people trying to personally attack me? I’m going to guess it’s insecurity issues

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PowerfulParry@reddit

Nice try Mr jealous lonely. The choice of being single is an option for THEM too, there's a reason they haven't done it dummy

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RedDemio-@reddit

Why does my relationship status matter to you? Why do you think I’m lonely lol

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Sweaty_Mods@reddit

I’m just an instigator and don’t really care one way or the other, but these comments seems relevant:

Such a typical Reddit response, extolled by those that are afraid of responsibility and hard work. Sure, take the easy road but what will you have to show for it when you’re older? I didn’t think I wanted kids at one point, had them, wish I’d done it sooner.

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Outrageous-Average22@reddit

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Careless_Pin4394@reddit

I'm glad you and your pup are doing well, mines 5.5 months and she is my life at the moment.

Why does this have so many upvotes? Seems like married-with-kids propaganda.

I’m in my 40s, no kids, my own place and a regular partner who I see every couple of weeks. I am in the best place of my life! I am confident, gregarious, easy-going(except when I’m playing computer games and my team is losing- I may get momentarily sweary!) and I’m keeping fit and keeping in touch with friends.

For me, with all my closest friends having kids, etc. it is a blessing because it means I have more time to get on with my stuff rather than having to hang out with them all the time. I don’t really like drinking, I gave up weed a while ago and mostly just ride my bike, read books, play computer games(I’m on my sixth/seventh Elden Ring playthrough and play The Finals with friends) and write. My job is pretty cool and pays me enough to save around 400 quid a month(500 if I don’t go to a cafe on a Saturday morning after a bike ride down the canal for the month).

Life is sweet! I visit friends around the country, am pretty good at cooking, keep my flat clean, buy myself decent clothes(I have a Carhartt addiction at the moment and cannot stop buying overshirts, they go with everything!), have great sex with my relaxed partner(who really enjoys dressing up and being playful, which is perfect for me), go out for meals and generally just have a pretty chill life with no real worries. Well, except Alzheimer’s. If that kicks in I’ve got no one to look after me, but I won’t know, I’ll be demented as fuck!

If you are an older, single childless person who is depressed and lonely you need to sort yourself out. For one, if you don’t love yourself, how do you expect others to? Give yourself the time and effort that you deserve, keep fit, buy yourself expensive meals and enjoy reading a book in a crowded restaurant. Go for walks. Explore abandoned buildings. Buy old toys from charity shops. Collect blankets. I don’t know, just enjoy yourself. Go look at the sea, buy yourself two ice creams and try to eat the first one before the other one melts.

Depressed? You aren’t depressed, you just aren’t enjoying being you, and by the time you are in your 30s/40s you should know who you are, your likes and dislikes, your triggers and traps, what medication to take and what situations to avoid.

My only real annoyance is that I cannot have kids. My insides don’t work properly so I can’t breed, which kind of sucks and sometimes makes me sad. But, then I go buy some Hotwheels cars and race them around my rug while wearing a cape and drawing made-up dinosaurs for an hour or so. If I can’t have kids I can definitely be a kid myself for a while. It normally cheers me up.

TLDR: Love yourself, give yourself attention and avoid getting high/drunk alone.

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Ok_Shirt983@reddit

This reads like copy pasta.

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youllbetheprince@reddit

It reads like satire

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Str8_Fingered_Queer@reddit

Every copy pasta has an original. All you need to do is copy and paste what I have said.

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cluelesspcventurer@reddit

Its not propaganda its the reality of most peoples lives. In your 30s most of the friends you used to hang out with every day are only available once a week if you're lucky, quite often once a month.

Most people aren't introverts, we are naturally social creatures and spending 6 days a week on your own is not good for most peoples mental health, no matter what activities you get up to.

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Wild-Lengthiness2695@reddit

You appear to have confused not being with a partner and a family with being an introvert.

I’m single , I work full time , I spend 8 hours a day with my colleagues and customers , 5 days a week , I do two hobby clubs a week which adds another 4-5 hours for each night around a mix of people. I have a group of friends who we meet monthly to share our hobby for a day. On top of that I go walking on a day off once a week because of where I’m lucky enough to live.

I literally do not have enough time to do everything in a week. If I had a parent I’d have to give up so much. I’d be open to it if I met the right person but I’m not an introvert.

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Thestilence@reddit

I spend 12 hours a night stood next to a conveyor belt. I go to the gym and speak to no-one (everyone either has headphones in or is with their little friend group). Go to the pub and speak to no-one (again, everyone in their little friend groups). I have so much free time I could have learnt six languages and written ten novels. I have done literally nothing.

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The_Burning_Wizard@reddit

I don't mean to be rude, but why not mix things up a bit? There's loads of great groups on the likes of meet up where you can get out, do stuff with others, etc. There's near enough something for everyone there, why not give it a shot? You've got nothing to lose from it.

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Thestilence@reddit

OK

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Thestilence@reddit

and spending 6 days a week on your own is not good for most peoples mental health, no matter what activities you get up to.

thrwwy8943@reddit

Yup. Not depression, but I do many of the things op does and am still mentally ill. Been this way well over a decade now. It doesn't matter what I do; you can't just make lifestyle improvements + expect true mental illness to vanish. If it does, then it was probably just poor mental health

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Thestilence@reddit

Depression is often a symptom rather than a disease.

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fillip2k@reddit

This, I find it surprising the amount of blokes who basically think because their life is all happiness and sunshine the rest of us are just making it up and attention seeking. Everyone's life is different and everyone has different social and emotional needs, be they man, woman, child. Waving your hand and going well I love my life, you're just pretending to not be happy with yours just smacks of low emotional intelligence.

"Depressed? You aren’t depressed,"

I refer you your own comment.

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Str8_Fingered_Queer@reddit

Go see a doctor. They have a million different medications for depression. I know. It took a few tries until I found the right one, but since then I’m all good. Most people who say they are ‘depressed’ tend to just be lazy and unimaginative, or just looking for an excuse to not work on themselves.

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aneetca4@reddit

life without marriage and kids is great if you dont want those things. but it is miserable if you do want them in your life. idk how you are 40 and cant grasp this concept. its not propaganda, just different lifestyle needs

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Botheration_Nation@reddit

Only read TLDR, very good advice!

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Kind-Enthusiasm-7799@reddit

Tl;Dr

I can still get high with my friends then? Excellent, I’m in my 40’s, no children, can still play the field but have had shit success at finding anyone that truly interests me, love being with my own company and I’m going shooting with my best friend on his private land (who has a wife that can’t have children, so I have a lot of sympathy for you and sucks for them) this weekend followed by wine, cheese and cigars.

I’m arguably at the best place in my adult life, have few regrets and I get to spend a lot of time with some dear friends as well as having a pretty cool family. You make some great points here and a lot of people need to embrace their life as it is, you make the best of what you have and shouldn’t feel hard done by if you’ve made a few questionable decisions - we all have, but they’re in the past and it’s important to move on and count your blessings, I’ve got a few health issues that cause pain permanently but I’ve accepted it. I have recurrent depression and ADHD but life could be so much worse. And when you understand that for every high point, there’s a low point, it becomes far less daunting and you can just enjoy the ride. Life is short, we all have our own problems, once you get it you won’t look back. Only forward.

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Str8_Fingered_Queer@reddit

I believe in you- and, yes, getting high in company is good fun.

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Kind-Enthusiasm-7799@reddit

Conversely, and as you alluded to, getting high alone is a very slippery slope.

I believe in you dude, hope you have a great weekend, I’ve just bought 4 different types of cheese so I’m gonna have a blast - his missus is away so the boys will play.

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Str8_Fingered_Queer@reddit

I hope one of those cheeses was a blue cheese… Have a good weekend yourself!

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Kind-Enthusiasm-7799@reddit

One sir, from my local butcher’s shop, made locally. I’d say the name but don’t fancy doxxing myself lol. The other 3 are 2 sharp cheddars and the other is a Cornish Yarg. A man of culture too. Have a great weekend mate.

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Thestilence@reddit

For one, if you don’t love yourself, how do you expect others to?

Why would you love yourself, if no-one else ever has? You can't just ignore decades of nothing but negative or neutral feedback to your existence. If in forty years of life, no-one has ever liked you or wanted to hang out with you, then there's only one common factor.

I've been realising recently that I may be fundamentally a bad person, from birth maybe. If there was anything good about me, at least one person by now would have liked me.

And I'm not being funny, but playing video games and wearing a cape while my age peers are raising children doesn't seem like a fulfilling way to spend my life. That sounds like a reddit stereotype. Getting drunk alone, well I have no-one to get drunk with, and sometimes I need a medicinal bottle of wine or two to calm myself down.

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lostinspaz@reddit

this is the way life should be more like. people in each path should make the most out of where they are. kudos to you.

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Str8_Fingered_Queer@reddit

It’s about just being happy with what you have rather than being unhappy with what you could have/can’t have/want to have. Thank you for the kudos!

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joshroycheese@reddit

Redditor when they see someone who wishes they were married with kids: propaganda

Lmao r/redditmoment

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Str8_Fingered_Queer@reddit

Someone who takes everything literally when it is obviously said in jest?

Lmao r/redditmoment

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nicolasfouquet@reddit

What a load of shit. I’ve been diagnosed with severe depression so I should buy two ice creams and generally lark about like a twat?

Dunno what you’ve experienced but it’s not depression.

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Str8_Fingered_Queer@reddit

I’m medicated for depression. Which means my life is bearable. without the medication? Well, I’m just really glad I’m not very good at suicide and was found before I died. I was also committed as a danger to myself.

Your comment is like going up to someone who broke their legs in a car crash a few years ago and saying, “You can walk now so it couldn’t have been that bad."

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Angel_Madison@reddit

Good for you but if you had parents who were the same you would not exist.

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Str8_Fingered_Queer@reddit

But, I do exist. So checkmate, buddy!

Concentrate on what IS happening rather than what could have been. You’ll be much happier for it.

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Iamthe0c3an2@reddit

I’m definitely in this camp. I know a lot of people who have kids and end up having their personalities revolve around them and some who are depressed and single. Like have you ever had hobbies? How dull must your life be if you aren’t finding fulfilment without children.

I’m approaching 30 with a partner who’s infertile, doesn’t want kids with disposable income. I’ll be collecting and driving my hopefully growing collection of classic cars that you can only dream of because you sold that dream for sleepless nights for a kid.

I don’t want to devalue people who want to have kids and find fulfilment with them. I understand my parents are proud of me for being able to have a life I can enjoy, while they don’t expect grandkids from me, they’re just happy that I’m happy. They would just be a bonus.

In the caveman times, many ways babies were conceved would result in a jail sentence now. Traditionally married couples would be pressured to having children which was needed at the time. Nowdays having children is very financially challenging even for middle class families and the world don't need more people just better distribution of people. This is the best time to chose not having children and be happy with that decision.

I want to have children in the future and I respect the free time I have now in my early 30s being single with no dependents. Everyone has a different path - there’s people my age who’ve got three kids with different partners and other people who’ve never had sex.

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Thestilence@reddit

and other people who’ve never had sex.

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BigResponsibility252@reddit

I'm kinda the opposite, out of all my friend circles I was the first to get married and have a kid, and even now at 33 I can count on one hand the people I know who've done the same (crucial exclusion here: other parents from school 😂)

Plenty are married, just with no kids.

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bardic-play@reddit

(crucial exclusion here: other parents from school 😂)

I just replied to a comment saying I barely know anybody with kids and just forgot about parents from school. In my defence our little one only started school this year and I wouldn't consider any of them friends.

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DaveBeBad@reddit

Same. Although 50s. Most of our friends are married, roughly half have kids - although at least a couple are bringing up/have brought up their partners kids.

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Glittering_Good_9345@reddit

If it makes you feel any better I’m 47 … however … there always someone out there for everyone

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reachisown@reddit

Interesting. Having kids is my literal hell.

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lawlore@reddit

I got to meet up with my married w/kids friends and do an away weekend trip recently like we used to regularly- drive a couple of hours to footy on Saturday, curry, beers, karaoke, hotel, full English, drive home Sunday afternoon. Haven't done that in literally years.

Made me realise just how lonely I am and how much I missed doing that.

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romulent@reddit

I honestly think that having fun and enjoying your own life is a skill that need to be learned and practised.

Learn to love yourself and learn to get pleasure from the little things. Climb a hill, paint a picture, cook a cake, go abroad, talk to a stranger. look at a cloud, play guitar, write a poem, have adventures.

These things all take work and dedication each day, but they make your life richer.

Fantastic movie!

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Threatening-Silence@reddit

I'm a Canadian immigrant and it was pretty much the same back in Canada really. Which is why I say Western.

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bsnimunf@reddit

I found it got boring very quickly. I was probably a student in my early twenties when I started to think that going out drinking was just a tedious chore. 15-19 years old I think I enjoyed it but after that it didn't feel very social it felt like it was "advertised" as social but was just me going through the motions not really meeting new people and half the time it was too loud to chat the people I already knew.

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Jonny1992@reddit

“Men in their 30s with no wife, how is life?”

“Well, as a man with a wife….”

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I don’t regret a moment of it, but it was a different era of my life

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EcceFabrum@reddit

The grass is always greener.

I have only ever been in a nightclub twice and both experiences were shit. I spent pretty much all of my 20s working really long hours trying to build my career. I feel like I should have tried going out more.

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mythical_tiramisu@reddit

I’ve often had the same thought. Could have invested that time and money into something worthwhile instead but no I just wasted it. Looking back I don’t think I really enjoyed it at the time but it was just what everyone did.

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inevitablelizard@reddit

That was definitely my experience too. I only kept going with it for as long as I did because everyone else was doing it and I was trying to force myself to start liking it. I do wish I'd realised much sooner that it just wasn't for me.

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Gord_Almighty@reddit

I don’t think I really enjoyed it at the time but it was just what everyone did.

The amount of alcohol I drank when I was there should have been a wake up call to me. If I needed to be that drunk to tolerate something, why was I doing it so consistently.

When I stopped going out, it also became clear to me how little I had in common with my friends, a smarter person would have figured this out earlier and drafted away from them sooner.

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OreoSpamBurger@reddit

drafted away from them

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Milky_Finger@reddit

Problem is with the clubbing life is that you can't half arse it. The moment you are curious about what your life could be like if you put in a proper formal effort, clubbing seems to be completely antithetical to that.

Not knocking people who do go clubbing, its just that there isnt a club that I know of that isn't full of drugs.

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Gord_Almighty@reddit

Yeah. I never appreciated how long the hangovers actually fuck you up for until I stopped going out every weekend.

Sure by Monday I wouldn't feel sick anymore but I wasn't fully recovered until like the Thursday.

Nightclubs are objectively shit as well. You need alcohol and, in some cases drugs to tolerate them. The local nightclubs were banned from offering happy hours and it was a bit of an eye opener. They're now completely dead until about 1am. Everyone stays at a mates and gets hammered first, then they go out. Before hand, there would be queues at 10pm.

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garyh62483@reddit

Having a kid made me realise the alcohol thing. Was getting slaughtered every other night without a care in the world, but then life suddenly became meaningful and I haven't touched a drop since. Best decision I ever made.

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hungoverseal@reddit

Sounds awesome, well done. Do you mind if I ask a probing question, as this topic is where I'm kinda struggling at the moment. I can see the powerful meaning that comes from having (or more raising) a child. I can see the enjoyment older people get around having grandchildren. Is it the only type of meaning that really hits in that way or you think people can find it in other ways?

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youllbetheprince@reddit

Is it the only type of meaning that really hits in that way or you think people can find it in other ways?

The answer is no. There is nothing like having a child. You can thank evolution for creating an unbelievably powerful "meaning" effect on the child raising process. On the other hand, you have to sacrifice a lot for it. It's up to the individual whether that sacrifice is worth it.

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Mission-Orchid-4063@reddit

Pretty lame that the only thing that gave your life meaning was having a kid.

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ExperienceInitial364@reddit

well obviously plenty of partners and no relationship is exhausting….

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soulshock22@reddit

how old were you when u got married?

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Threatening-Silence@reddit

34 at the time

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AlternativeUses@reddit

It's around 5am, currently downloading Guardians of the Galaxy Vol.3 HDR 2160p , haven't seen it since it was in the cinema, got my fav calvinklein mix prepared, TV all set up and headphones charging.

I'm going to get high and watch a film, life's good at this moment!

However, living on a single income gets harder each year it seems, this year harder than the last, and that was harder than covid times. Things seem to be getting worse in general and I'm not sure what I can do to fix it.

Thankfully, I don't have to support a partner and kid(s) with my single income, that would be far worse and I'm not sure anyone else would appreciate the pleasure I get from mixing lines of coke & ketamin with a film, probably something partner/in-laws would nip my head about fuck all that noise.

Life's , ok , I guess.

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SignificanceOld1751@reddit

I'd definitely appreciate a bit if the old CK to be honest.

The meals I have a protein rich- a little rice, tinned fish and eggs for my midday. Chicken thighs, broccoli and rice for my evening(I stir-fry the chicken and broccoli with ginger, chilli and soya, sometimes chilli, sometime green beans, peanuts, mushrooms, etc. but nothing with additives, etc.)

You would not believe the difference it has made to my life. My mood is stable, my body is strong and looks good/feels good, I have more energy, I’m nicer to be around and I received a better job at where I work. And, it’s all because I gave up the weed and bought a pull-up bar… Oh, and I decided that I am worth my attention rather than my disassociation.

Yay! Be careful though, in my late 3o's I got snagged by a Malaysian cutie 20 years ago, been here ever since.

It's terrible ;)

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ABigTongue@reddit

Haha, no way! I'm going to Malaysia next. How did you manage to stay in Malaysia, and what do you do for work?

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AlanCarrOnline@reddit

Managing to stay was a nightmare of renewing 3 monthly visas a lot, even after married to a local, which eventually became 6 monthly visas, then yearly, and eventually I got permanent resident status.

I work online, as a marketing consultant alanpcarr.com and as a hypnotherapist helping peeps with shopping addiction from bad marketing... alancarronline.com

I only do the good marketing ;)

Generally I love the place, really nice, friendly people is the main thing. The few times I've been back to the UK, and I really do mean few, about 4 times in 20 years, I've been struck by just how bloody miserable everyone looks? And if you try to talk, even to those working and who should be available to talk to you, they're like sucking a lemon or something, so sour-faced and frowny.

Last time I visited my home town they turned the street lights off at night, to save electric? What?

I truly consider the island of Borneo to be more civilized than the UK. All year the place is lit up and colorful for various festivals or just for the fun of it, my water bill is literally 2 quid a month and my wheely bin is emptied 3 times a week. Healthcare is cheap and high quality.

The only thing I miss about the UK is the carp-fishing lakes. Here I had to get my own boat for river and now sea fishing, as the rivers have muddy banks and crocodiles.

If you visit Borneo gimme a shout.

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ABigTongue@reddit

Sounds amazing, mate! Yeah I do agree the UK does just feel miserable at the moment. If I end up that way I'll keep you in mind. Funnily enough I have an online coding course I need help marketing 😅

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AlanCarrOnline@reddit

lol.

I'll give you 1 tip for free. This paragraph is hard-work to read, so change the abbreviation the other way around and shorten it:

'Proficiency in SQL Mastery: Master the art of crafting powerful SQL queries for efficient data extraction, transformation, and loading (ETL) processes.'

Change to:

'Gain the superpower of crafting powerful SQL queries for efficient ETL (Extraction, Transformation, and Loading).'

Same thing, easier to read and sounds more fun, and talking of fun you've reminded me I should get my ass off Reddit and catch up with a client's work :D

I was going to tease you that I know your wife, like someone once did with me. Saying how she's bubbly, cheerful and quite the tease, but ultimately respectful and kind hearted...

He added more, describing her mannerisms to a tee.

I asked how did he know her?

"You said she's Malaysian."

;)

I didn't do it cos for all I know the Malaysian is your husband, and even after he revealed the joke I spent a couple of days wondering if he knew her, as he described her so well...

But yeah, on the whole Malaysians are lovely people.

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anthrax455@reddit

I enjoyed that!

My wife and I are kicking off the dreaded Spouse VISA process next month. Wish me luck....

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AlanCarrOnline@reddit

I think you'll be fine, just keep your patience and accept that this is the long-game. It's about your life together, not the visa. The visa thing is just formalities you go through.

Easy for me to say this now, 20 years in! Trust me, I know how it feels, and even when you've lived here 7 years and you're still going down the immigration office, cap in hand, begging for another 6 months or whatever, it's frustrating, stupid and you feel like biting someone.. But it's just how it is. I wish, really wish, I had someone to do for me what I'm doing for you now, because in Borneo, not KL, I knew hardly any other white people and for years kept thinking "They might say no?"

Listen... they won't. It's going to be OK. You're gonna be OK.

The worst part was after one full year, I had to return to the UK, to prove I wasn't wanted and on the run or anything. I got a casual job, saved the pennies and flew straight back and it's all been OK since.

The other scary bit was wanting to see my UK criminal record. I was a truly terrible teenager, inc firearms, break-ins, stealing motorbikes... My wife kept staring at me for a week after reading that lot lol, but it was all under the age of 16 and the Malaysian peeps just shook their head at the UK even keeping records of teenagers. They just brushed it aside, thankfully.

Obviously if you have an adult criminal record it could be different, I can't say. Even then I wouldn't give up.

You got this bro, k?

Hang in there; it's just the way the system works so go with the flow.

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brum_newbie@reddit

Was a pleasure to read I have Malaysian neighbours and they're the nicest friendliest people.

I turned 30 towards the end of last year. My girlfriend works and lives abroad, and we have no kids.

My life atm is fantastic! I’ve spent so much of my life living alone, my time has always been mine. I have a number of interests that fill up the majority of my schedule, and I’m finding more things to do as the years pass by.

I wouldn’t have it any other way.

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CracKING23@reddit

As someone who had a kid in their teens and is now mid 30s with a 20 year old daughter. I Couldn't recommend teen pregnancy enough. All my mates are struggling with young kids and now I have a PA/ drinking buddy. Been a while since we could hold hands in public mind. Love seeing the reactions when she shouts "daddy" in a new place.

Wife situation though, that's just the cost of not being lonely. Oh boy. The grass is never greener....

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Responsible-Suit6659@reddit

I just couldn't live with anyone these days unless she's totally amazing, a soulmate, etc. I knew a long time ago I didn't want a family and I think it was the right choice.

I had a lot of mental health issues in my 20s and 30s. Depression, low self esteem, etc. I found out it was do with food intolerances and that was really the breakthrough.

Someone I know in London married a woman who is just really awful. Partly it's his fault for that blunder, as some of the crazy behaviour was there before they married but he went ahead, anyway. He's got a big mortgage and when he buys her out will be in so much debt it would keep me awake at night if I had it.

On the other hand if everything goes according to plan I'll be able to retire in 4 or 5 years and I'm still healthy and youngish looking.

The only thing I miss is someone to go travelling with. I want to go everywhere but not really on my own.

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770120437@reddit

So many comment of being on your own and not in a relationship/married meaning you are able to do what you want, when you want.

I’ve been with my wife for nearly 20 years and we both do what we want, this is what being in a loving healthy relationship is about.

If you find the right person you’ll find that you can do what you want but the added bonus is that your husband/wife also wants to do the things that you want so you both can do what you want together.

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Sim0nsaysshh@reddit

I'm 39 and having kids now.

Thank you ha, yeah it's not that uncommon in my friends group either. I think of all the things I'd have missed out on if I'd had a child in my early 20s too, and feel now I'm a better role model than I would have been earlier too.

I feel satiated but Im going to miss just grabbing my back pack and travelling from town to town in south America the other year, but there are different people with different goals i feel lucky most the time though

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technurse@reddit

I enjoy my career, my team and the friends I keep.

Am I probably depressed most of the time? Yeh, probably.

Would I be less depressed with an expelled vaginal parasite walking near me? Nah, no chance.

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Ghosteh@reddit

I'm content. I'm 38, divorced, my ex wife had a daughter, so I got to experience being a parent for a while, so I have a different experience than a majority of men I think.

Post divorce, I had a very good friend of mine tell me about "Child Free" lifestyle. It was never something I had considered. I always thought being married and having kids was the only option. It isn't, and I am glad I had someone point it out to me. I ended up getting the snip, to make sure I never had kids, and I now feel more free than ever.

I've not tried dating post divorce, it just hasn't interested me. Most of my friends have kids, but I still try to catch up with them where possible. I make time for them if I can give them an escape, which is a weird thing in itself, because why would people want to 'escape' from their kids, but they do, and hence the reason I definitely don't want kids.

I get to travel a lot, which is awesome. I own my dream car, because my money is more expendable. I bought a house last year, and have a room dedicated to video games, a works office, and my bedroom and other rooms. It's not something I could have with a family, or would at least struggle to have.

My time is my own. I work a job I love, but I find time to go to the gym daily. I am now more fit than I have ever been before, and I am more content with myself.

I'm not against trying to find someone to share this with, but that person will have to be exceptional, because for the first time in my life, I feel settled in a way I didn't think possible.

You can

Imagine if everyone was like this

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stillanmcrfan@reddit

I mean, I’m a 30 year old woman with a 6 year old child and I cannot argue with a race car bed.

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Spiritual_Stand_439@reddit

I replied to the wrong comment

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BeatificBanana@reddit

There are a lot of assumptions being made with this comment. First, why would you assume that I am the one keeping track of our imaginary children's lives and having to make all the plans and keep my husband informed of what's going on? (Bit sexist)

Second, why would my husband ask me if he can build models, as if he needs my permission? And third, if he wanted to skip a responsibility to build models, why do you assume he would just leave it to me to sort out rather than making alternative arrangements himself? Sounds like you have quite an old fashioned view of wives being organisers/life controllers and husbands being incompetent and ordered around...

Here's how the situation would actually go.

Mr B: Hey, just so you know, I've arranged for Johnny's mum to take Timmy to Sam's birthday party on Saturday and drop him home again after

Mrs B: Oh OK, why's that?

Mr B: Oh just because I wanted a solid few hours to work on my models and I know you can't take him because you're busy taking Joshua to his guitar lesson

Mrs B: Ah good thinking! Thanks for letting me know

Mr B: No worries, I've put it in the diary so we don't forget

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marksbrothers@reddit

It's not old fashioned it's reality. "I'll put it in the diary" assumes there's room in the diary. Families are massively short of free time. The point is, the person who hasn't got those responsibilities doesn't need to ask anyone or put it in a diary.

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No_Funny_5972@reddit

Brother, you literally used the word ‘instead’. Everyone has responsibilities, a parent isn’t going to skip out on responsibilities to play with toys.

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3between20characters@reddit

Happy stoner. Will have my flat paid off in a few months, with to kids commitments or debt.

Now, I don’t have kids, but when I was a kid, my parents’ house certainly wasn’t messy. All toys stayed in me and my siblings’ bedrooms (if they were ever taken out of the bedroom, we were taught to put the toys back as soon as we were done). And even then, we were taught to clean up our rooms at the end of the day (unless we were playing with something that takes a long time to set up, like creating an entire lego city, and we wanted to play with it the next day).

We weren’t messy with food or anything else, and if we spilled, we knew to clean it up.

Sometimes there was loudness, but that was only if me and my sisters were fighting (easy for parents to break up, just tell each to go to their room and calm down), or if parents were scolding us and that made us upset.

The closest I am to children now is my partner’s nieces, one is only a few months old, but she is very quiet, it’s not like she’s screaming and crying all the time. His other niece is 4, and at times she can be a bit much, but it’s not so bad you can’t manage it, and it’s only a slight annoyance.

Not all kids are loud and messy, and a lot of it depends on how you raise your kids and what rules you teach them to follow.

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Volatile1989@reddit

Everyone is different, I get that. And I’m probably generalising to an extent, but mess and noise aside, it’s still a massive commitment that I’m not willing to make.

I don’t even want a relationship, so even if I did want kids, I don’t even have the ability to procreate!

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CursedRaindrop@reddit

why would it be messy and noisy, do you partner up with animals?

The amount of people trying to convince themselves they're happy being alone is sad

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Volatile1989@reddit

How is it not messy and noisy? Toys all over the place, kids screaming etc etc. I only have to hear my neighbours kids screaming and that’s enough for me to know that it’s not for me.

Mess and noise aside, it’s just a major hassle. It’s even the small things like taking them to school, I just couldn’t be bothered. I’ve got enough on my plate with getting myself ready for work, never mind someone else.

Fair enough, I love it though!

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dvali@reddit

noisy, messy house

What a weird assumption.

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Volatile1989@reddit

When kids are involved, that’s not much of a stretch is it?

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TomfromLondon@reddit

I think theres a reason some of them are single, I was on and off single up to around 41, these people really don't seem to be able to enjoy life at all

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Jaygermeister930@reddit

Damn, that's a lot of judgement. Perhaps it's simply possible for people to actually be happy without having to be with someone?

Personally, out of everyone, I know I seem to be the happiest, and I'm one of the few single ones in my friend group

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TomfromLondon@reddit

Read the comments, they are not happy

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Jaygermeister930@reddit

I have, all the top comments seem quite happy. I myself am very happy, all the people I know who are single in the 30s are happy.

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TomfromLondon@reddit

Try the top comment, it's changed a bit now so you do have to dive a bit deeper but some really complaining etc.

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Thestilence@reddit

That's me. Just pure misery. Must be genetic, my parents are both miserable too.

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Volatile1989@reddit

I think theres a reason some of them are single

The rest was all lonely, skint, and bored. 'Because' they were single/alone.

I do hope it ends up green for everyone! I couldn't imagine being lonely! Must be awful.

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dvali@reddit

No, it isn't. Everyone will says things like "just do fun things by yourself, nothing wrong with that!" No, there isn't anything wrong with it. However, doing something alone because it's a pleasant change is one thing. Doing everything alone because you have no one else to do it with is entirely something else.

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PhDinDildos_Fedoras@reddit

I think it's a cultural thing that having a family has to be a constant struggle of unhappiness. I have an excellent family and I never feel like i can't do the things I want to because of them.

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Crafty_Ambassador443@reddit

Yea honestly life would suck without my little one. I love the noise, the toys, the colour, the excitement. I love sharing things with little one too.

Could never go back!

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Effective_Horror_972@reddit

Enjoy it all while you can mate. In what seemed like a blink of an eye, my 2 went from being in nappies together to my daughter leaving school and off to work in her apprenticeship and my son being as big as me, a younger, stronger version of myself!

Best advice I was given was, you can't substitute your presence with presents!

It's not until they got older I actually appreciated them words!

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Crafty_Ambassador443@reddit

Thanks man :)

Yeah any free second I get I try to spend it with her, she's a gem. Full of energy arent they at toddler stage

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OMGItsCheezWTF@reddit

It depends on the person, I was single from my early 20s until I was 31 when I met my now wife, I'm in my 40s now. That was by choice after a particularly disastrous relationship left me deciding "Not doing that again!", after which it was never more than brief flings etc.

I had my own place, good job, big circle of friends and we did loads of stuff.

Now I'm married, and that's continued really, just my wife also comes along to those events too and my circle of friends has grown to include hers.

We are not interested in children, nor are our circle of friends which ranges from our age up to couples in their 60s. We go on holidays, meet up for dog walks, tonight we have a group coming to our house to watch Dune Part 2. Life is pretty good, but it's not really that different to life single, I just have someone I share it with permenantly.

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It is definitely humanity, Isuppose it's not being content with what you already have!

The life some complain about is only dreamt of by others!

"be careful what you wish for"

We settled down quite early, wife turns 40,.kids turn 18,16 and 12 this year. We were super skint when we started out, at 24 and 22.

I didn't travel that much before. All my mates got shit faced in thailand for 5 months, while I was changing nappies. At the time I was jealous. But now they are in their early 40s with toddlers and young children.

I did get to experience all the nice countries with my kids instead though.

Each to their own. Be happy with what you have!

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summerwine75@reddit

I have plenty of hobbies and enough friends so generally it is good. I do sometimes miss having someone to share things with and sometimes feel lonely.

Of those I know who are married some are happy and wouldn't have it any other way, for others they often seem to wish they weren't or at least had more freedom, that goes for me and women.

I think it helps if your wife is as much of a friend and someone you have things in common with. But what do I know as a bachelor!

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davidoggloader@reddit

I just baby sat my nephew and it put me off kids for life. Fuck that shit.

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RambleRant@reddit

Pretty solid, tbh. I know I’m the outlier, but I’m fairly nomadic and have several partners across the country. We all form a kind of large polycule and support each other, either physically when we’re close or in whatever ways we can from a distance. We’re all not only free to, but encouraged to, pursue our own passions and goals, and we find comfort and happiness in each other’s successes.

You're thinking locally though. Hop on a plane to Africa and you'll see kids everywhere.

It's a different thing having kids in a culture where it's the norm for children to basically be raised by a village and be surrounded by masses of extended family. In the UK, people have kids who grow up isolated and without many influences beyond their immediate family (meaning they are subjected to whatever emotional weirdnesses their parents have, without enough tempering outside influences), and it's not a particularly healthy way to grow up. Particularly when you think how individualistic we are as a culture, and how parents now tend to place really high hopes and expectations for their kids, which is a recipe for anxiety. It didn't used to be like that.

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Edward_GeoSquad@reddit

I don’t disagree that how we raise children has changed, but if we think halving Western populations in the next 100 years and doubling populations in “Africa” as you put it, won’t have a huge impact on HDI… we’re delusional.

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JayFv@reddit

Technological improvements should be more than enough to cope with an aging population, instead all it does in concentrate all of the resources at the top. That's the real problem. A decrease in population is not inherently a threat to the species when there are 8 billion of us fucking the planet over. Would it really be a such a bad thing if the population of the planet slowly dropped down to a more sustainable level?

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Edward_GeoSquad@reddit

Technology can fix the environment then too?

So we don’t need to worry about sustainability with 8Bn people.

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SIBMUR@reddit

So you'd be happy not having been born then?

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nonotthereta@reddit

Totally! What would there be to miss if I never existed? At least one parent would have been happier without kids too.

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SIBMUR@reddit

So you've had no enjoyment ever from your life?

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nonotthereta@reddit

Does it really matter? What's your measure for when life becomes worthwhile? I suspect mine might be different, so there's not really any point in comparing. It's all subjective.

Some people's default position is that life is a precious gift that is almost always worth it, in which case I can imagine my view might be hard to fathom. But there's no right or wrong!

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SIBMUR@reddit

Well you're claiming having children is selfish - so if you've ever enjoyed your life at all I don't see how that can be the case really.

It might be selfish in some cases where the parents were never fit to be parents and neglect/endanger their child.

But to call hard working, decent human beings selfish for having children? That's rubbish.

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BeastMasterJ@reddit

I think you're treating selfishness as some form of moral condemnation that I'm not sure is quite accurate. Let's say any decision that has an impact on others is either selfish or selfless. That doesn't necessarily mean the only acceptable option is always the selfless one. Here's a great example that I observed recently in my own life:

I was at the shop and the woman in front of me's cards were declining. I felt really bad for her, and I wanted to pay, but I saw that her total + what I knew my shop would cost was greater than the money I had in my account. I don't think very many people would treat it as a moral failing to ensure you're able to provide food essentials to yourself before helping another, but it was the selfish option.

There is simply no way for having children to be a selfless act. That doesn't make it wrong or right, it's more of an observation, and some people have a different level of personal tolerance for selfish/selflessness. I'm sure there are some people who truly would have bought that woman's shop because they really are incapable of not being selfish even so far as to the detriment of themselves. It wouldn't be wrong for them to do that, even if it's not the decision I would make.

You might have misinterpreted what I was saying. Selfishness doesn't equate to being a net negative for the planet. It's not a condemnation.

But I do think it's more selfish to choose to have kids than to not have them, since you're creating someone who may or may not have a happy life because that's what YOU want. I'm not saying nobody should have them, and I'm not moaning about people having kids! There's nowt wrong with having kids.

But also: being wanted and loved doesn't guarantee a happy life if parents aren't willing to step up when difficulties arise. It's not that simple. Someone growing up happy and healthy is good fortune, not guaranteed.

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So yeah there's multiple reasons why some people call it selfish - not logical reasons, but emotive and ideological ones.

Im 30 and at that point where life decisions need made. It's so reassuring to hear that you're happy. When i voice that I dont want children im often spoken to look I just don't see the correct answer yet - which is very frustrating.

SoloNo7@reddit

Some people never have an opportunity to have kids and so convince themselves that they don't want them and are happy being alone 24/7. They are essentially gas lighting themselves.

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JimmyJonJackson420@reddit

I find it fascinating your inside the brain of every childfree person pray tell how this was possibly as this is such an incredible feat

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Prize-Phrase-7042@reddit

Not everyone wants kids. Some of us are perfectly happy without them, even though we could have them, if we wanted.

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Outrageous-Average22@reddit

I’ve never been put in a situation in my 43 years of life that made me think, “I want to have a baby.” I feel as if that’s a natural instinct. I never wanted to be pregnant and suffer through my cooty cat torn to my Hershey highway. It disgusts me. Childbirth scared me. And I never had the desire. And my mom was a labor and delivery nurse. I’m 43 now. I wouldn’t risk it at this age. But, blessings to those that have that natural intuition

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SoloNo7@reddit

my cooty cat being torn to my Hershey highway.

So many things wrong with this statement; so many assumptions

assume that I'm straight and a 'nice man' will fix any problems
assume I will regret not having kids, but not the same comment to the male's posting on here
assume that at 45 I won't be able to have kids (e.g. never heard of fostering or adoption?)

I know quite a few women and men my age who don't have children; some with partners some without... Really not sure what you think I'm missing out on?

penguinsfrommars@reddit

That's not selfish. It's selfish to have kids when you don't want them. People have got it so backwards.

I'm married with kids by the way. Very happy to be living in a time when people can choose one way or another.

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CocainesTheAnswer@reddit

Want to be selfish, not have children, spend time alone, spend money on ourselves, and enjoy life alone together?

We can share a house I guess, but stay in different floors/rooms. Say hi when we pass eachother in the corridor. Maybe a date night once every other week watch and film on seperate sides of the sofa whilst eating far too much pizza and ice cream. We will both get overweight but it doesn't matter as we wouldn't have touched eachother in years. It'll he similar to a loveless marriage but we will both be incredibly happy together I just know it.

I have a dog though. He's coming with me.

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RandomHigh@reddit

"I have no money and 3 kids. Why can't I have three money and no kids?"

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RebuildingTim@reddit

The lack of relationship is 100% my own fault so life is shit that way, but I have never and will never want kids, so life is great that way. Swings and roundabouts.

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JTheDoc@reddit

StopThatUDick@reddit

Similar but not yet married. My 30's were what my 20's should have been.

41 now and I dont want it to end, but I'm def in a far better place to settle down.

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Gr1msh33per@reddit

Same, my 20's were awful. I was engaged, bought a house, split up, back to my parents, Dad died. I wasn't great with the opposite sex until my 30's when my self esteem and fashion sense kicked in and I suddenly became a bit of an Alpha Male. I was like honey to bees for a while, batting the ladies off with a stick ! Ha ha !

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LockingSwitch@reddit

I hope you're using the term Alpha Male ironically lol

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StopThatUDick@reddit

Kinda similar. Once I was well into my 30's I started wearing jeans that fit me properly, fitted t-shirts on a torso that I'd looked after more responsibly in the gym, and better shoes.

And I'd well and truly gotten over myself by that point. I wasn't hot shit, I was at the bottom of a very big pile of society. Some of my previous social views weren't right and my lifestyle - mostly, drink and drugs - wasn't exactly fun for anyone else but me.

I’m now in my fifties, with no kids and been divorced for 23 years, and mostly single for the majority of that time, including all of the last 18 years.

I’ve never once regretted having just myself to worry about, and I don’t get lonely because I have stuff to do. I like being able to do what I want when I want and not having to worry about anyone else.

It was weird when all my mates started having kids and stopped being around so much, but that was 15-20 years ago and my interests keep me busy. We still see each other now and again to hang out and catch up.

I’ve had some bad health problems and I wouldn’t want to get involved with someone and have to expect them to cope with them too, so I’m happy doing my thing and being a bit of a hermit. It’s not for everyone but it suits me fine, I don’t need company to fulfil me, although I enjoy it occasionally.

Mental healthwise, I’m better than ever - not having to compromise and worry about a partner or kids leaves me free to enjoy my own life. As I say, I appreciate it’s not for everyone but being able to do my own thing all the time works well for me and I’ve never regretted choosing this path.

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sjb128@reddit

All of my heroes are men who settled down and “made it” professionally in their 40s. I always knew I was a late bloomer and would peak then. Now, at 37, I’m living my best life. 2.5 year relationship, I get to be selfish and go to the theatre or gigs at my choosing but I know my selfish days are numbered and I’ll have to properly settle down soon.

I don't think I'll ever have children but I have hope that I'll meet the right person at the right time.

There's light on the horizon, just want to be healthy first.

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HowCanYouBanAJoke@reddit

Fine. Plenty of single 30yo women.

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banedlol@reddit

One of the best things about being over 30 is that suddenly 30+ yo women look young and attractive now.

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It's not great. They have given up on what they wanted and settled for what they can get, so the relationships they are in are not real.

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JimmyJonJackson420@reddit

Lmao more bitterness

London, single woman, 30+ = insanely picky

That's my experience not from dating but watching my older single female friends. As they say, perfect is the enemy of good.

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Kapha_Dosha@reddit

I'm curious. What are they picky about?

Me for example, I don't drink or smoke, not sober, just never drank or smoked.

Would it seem picky to prefer 35y+ men who don't drink as a habit.

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Bicolore@reddit

Varies to be honest. Being picky just means the intersection on your dating venn diagram is too small.

Ones I notice for my friends are the standard kids/looks/weight/income/NotMental sort of stuff.

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Kapha_Dosha@reddit

Ah ok...

ConstantRevolution75@reddit

At work I hear guys talk about how “the wife” is such a problem. She gets in the way of him playing football with the lads and etc.

I honestly wonder why half of these guys even got married, they seem to hate their partner.

Usually, the story is literally just “oh no my wife wants to hang out with me later.” And it’s presented as this huge burden. And all his mates are laughing along in consideration.

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HughLauriePausini@reddit

Enjoying my disposable income and freedom to travel anywhere and any time

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leeliop@reddit

Started to feel bad tbh, if youre not a playboy or successful your situation is pretty obvious and you are perceived as a bit of a loser and will notice discrimination such as interviewing for jobs.. plus wondering what is your life going to be, will everything just slow down and youll become an old bachelor?

For me, the year I gave up, I met someone organically and had a kid. Just got really lucky but emphasises the need to make an effort socially if you don't want that life

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iheartbawkses@reddit

As someone in a similar situation, can I ask how you met your partner/where? I’ve given up on online dating but living in a rural area, it’s so difficult to kinda organically find people

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leeliop@reddit

I would consider moving if this is important to you, to where you have a lot of connections

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iheartbawkses@reddit

Thank you. It’s been on my mind to move, especially as my fixed term on the mortgage ends next year, so it’s kind of a good time if I wanna shake things up

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leeliop@reddit

Good luck mang

Otherwise_Movie5142@reddit

You sound pretty mad, is it because you don't job doesn't allow you to be a digital nomad?

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Mission-Orchid-4063@reddit

Not at all. I work remotely from home and my company lets me work abroad. I just think it’s a cringe phrase.

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Galaxianz@reddit

Unfortunately for you, it's a term that's here and people are actually doing it by definition.

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Mission-Orchid-4063@reddit

It’s not a real term. It’s easier to just say “wanker”

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Galaxianz@reddit

If you go to Google and type in "digital nomad", you'll see. For example: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Digital_nomad

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I don't see that in this threat to be honest but I know it can happen in real life, especially from overbearing family members.

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Jaygermeister930@reddit

I think it's more often parents or grand parents who are expecting their kids to give them grandkids, that said I've had comments from co-workers, friends or even strangers about it.

The way I see it, it doesn't matter. Just let people do what they want, right?

Cap-in-cloud@reddit

Absolutely amazing, I can do whatever I like at this point, I imagine by the time I’m 38 I night feel differently, but currently sweet spot.

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zbornakingthestone@reddit

Wonderful. I've got my own house, a job I enjoy, an amazing dog and cat, more friends than I can handle and I've just finished a house renovation so I get to sit back for the next few months and enjoy the summer. As for kids, I've been trying to get men pregnant for years and it just hasn't happened - I'm probably infertile but I'm OK with that.

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Jaygermeister930@reddit

To be honest, it's pretty good. I live alone, have everything I need, and have enough money to do the things I want to.

I have a few friends with kids but they're social lives pretty much stopped existing, not a life for me.

As for having a wife, to be honest, most relationships I've seen have unfortunately ended badly. I think I'm happy not being in one.

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Electronic-Article39@reddit

If you single men with no kids you realise you can have a fulfilled life without it. Learn to live for yourself.

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jakedon37@reddit

Actually attending my cousins wedding today that all my family are going to in the day apart from me due to work commitments.

First comment i had off the Mrs was “bet you feel like shit today not being able to go and everyone else can”

Genuinely couldn’t care less. I think i’d rather be at work or at home. Watching everyone else get married, have kids, is in its own way torture to me when you don’t feel like you fit in. False smiling, awkward conversations.

Don’t get me wrong, i want to do both, just in no way like everybody else does.

So in answer to your question, life feels kinda lost. I feel like everyone around jumped on the sheep train and im the only black sheep of my life left in the paddock. Everyone chasing clout for Instagram and spending thousands on one day for good pictures and outdoing other peoples versions and not really honing into the real reason for marriage and family.

I dont see many of my mates anymore due to this, i have no real conversations about football or gaming or music like when i was a teen. Yet my brain is absolutely gagging to have them. It feels like everyone has forgotten who they are and their own interests and hobbies that originally got us connected for the sake of a woman and a baby. I understand im sure life is hectic running a family and a house. But surely there is time to be yourself.

Cheers for asking this question, didnt realise how much i actually needed to be asked and vent my answer.

Life ay.

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Cheap_Answer5746@reddit

Agree with that. Met an old mate a while back (both late 20s) He was so serious now not like ten years previous with silly jokes in our Saturday job and being easy going. I didn't know if he was weird or I hadn't grown up

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jakedon37@reddit

Yeah i have this exact scenario in my life also. I own my own house, i have a job, i have a car. I have life’s usual problems, but i’m still fun. I still have shit banter, and take the piss out of most people and myself most of the time. My opinions and what i once was hasn’t changed at all. Im just grey’er haired and tired more.

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_TLDR_Swinton@reddit

Early 40s. Got out of a bad relationship about three years ago. No squids. After being in one relationship or another all the way through my mid-20s to the end of my 30s, I've been single for the longest time of my month and I'm really enjoying it. Picked up a load of new hobbies (writing, painting, learning Italian, the keyboard, travelling) and I've loads of time for my friends and family.

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pepsi_jenkins@reddit

I still feel like I'm in my mid 20s

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Super-Tank-6494@reddit

It's generally good! Wonderful girlfriend who I'm moving in with soon, stable job. No kids, but never wanted them and never will.

Well I'm single in my 30s because I became extremely ill due to a bad reaction to prescription drugs.

Not only am I missing out on companionship, family life etc. but I'm also missing out on everything else.

It's extremely grim.

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ChantBabylon@reddit

I am sorry. I have been battling with a very serious health condition, which has left in a lot of pain. Even after several surgeries and the best treatments, there are so many things I feel that I am missing out on.

I understand and you are not alone.

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Specimen_E-351@reddit

Thank you for the kind words.

Unfortunately the symptoms include sexual dysfunction which ended a relationship so I really am alone, and I've also been unable to work for 12 months.

I'm hoping to return to work in the next few weeks though and I feel about 85% recovered in all aspects so hopefully in more time I'll be fully back to normal.

I hope you have health and wellbeing in your future.

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Educational-Angle717@reddit

Ok day to day, busy job, half decent social life and I travel a bit too. Overall it's a worry though..

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Edolin89@reddit

Two words comes to mind when I think about it. Freedom and Lonely. 35/M.

P.S.: i love kids. Life just went a different direction. Had to get a divorce. Maybe some other time. But I am not depressed or sad or anything. Well...not most of the time anyway.

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Whippasnapa02@reddit

Well im on the sick for life so have bad days with health here and there. But other than poor health life is so incredibly easy and stress free. If I want something I buy it, if I want to go somewhere I go there, if I want to spend time with someone I do it. Nobody to hold me back or say they don't want me doing that, nobody costing me money or spending my money its all mine. So yeah life is easy, stress free and quite enjoyable. sure I get lonely from time to time and think I would like a family. But then I see my friends and how it turned out for them I take a look on reddit and 9 out of 10 posts are about cheating or splitting up. It seems rare to find someone and both be happy together for life. I'll take that small bit of occasional loneliness to avoid the pain stress anger resentment and everything else I've seen others go through with there relationships

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Formal-Telephone5146@reddit

A friend of mine he’s 44,no kids no wife. it’s times where I wish I could trade places with him

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alecp91@reddit

Personally I'm having a damn good blast, I book weekends away to Europe (Spain next weekend) as the flights are so cheap from UK, I can just leave whenever. I have my own place, beautiful pets, a comfortable bank balance. I just haven't found anyone yet to settle down with, so I enjoy the freedom until then 😁

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SpookyMorden@reddit

In regards to having no kids, it’s fucking shit 😞

I wanted kids, and my most recent ex was so excited at the thought of her children having an author and zoo keeper as a father, (but not excited enough to stop her from fucking a work colleague who already had kids of his own), and so due to the infidelity of three consecutive partners, (the 1st was financial infidelity, the 3rd one was as above, the 2nd one being the zoo secondment guy who she was caught sucking but apparently it wasn’t what it looked like), it never happened, and now it’s too late 🤷‍♂️

I’ve been single for 4 years now, (6 years without any form of intimacy, which sucks, or rather, doesn’t), have not dated due to the horror stories here and across Twitter, though I’m not averse to the idea entertaining a relationship with someone who already has children.

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I've had 4 drugs so far today.

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No_Pea7986@reddit

I (37m) was in this position until 18 months ago & I was very content with life. I always thought I’d have kids, but for one reason & another it hadn’t worked out like that & i’d accepted it probably wasn’t going to happen for me as I didn’t want to rush into anything. I was (relatively) financially secure with my own place & a secure job, a varied group of friends (with & without kids) who I could socialize with, both my parents still around, 4 nieces & nephews for the family & uncle vibes, as much time as I wanted to spend on myself & no real commitments or responsibilities, dating apps for the possibility of something happening & 2/3 holidays a year. There was always a slight nagging feeling that I didn’t want to be alone as I got older- but in summary, I was happy & life was good.

Fast forward 18 months & I’ve got a a 6 month old after a whirlwind relationship & a completely unplanned pregnancy. My life has been turned upside down & back to front but I wouldn’t have it any other way. I regularly find myself thinking how crazy my life is now compared to 18 months ago & obviously there are all the usual a stresses & worries that a new parent has, but I honestly think I can say I’m happier than I’ve ever been. My girlfriend is a completely natural mum & our relationship has grown amazingly & will hopefully continue to do so.

I was/am happy in both situations but in very different ways

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HerpaDerpaDumDum@reddit

Love my freedom, I have plenty of time and money. Love having a home all to myself. It's rather lonely without a girlfriend though and dating absolutely sucks nowadays.

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BoogChoo@reddit

Far too quiet

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Browneskiii@reddit

Love it. I do what i want when i want.

Can get lonely at times, but i think I'd rather be slightly lonely than crazy because of kids.

I'd rather be single for the rest of my life than be with someone i dont want to be with.

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H00pSk1p@reddit

I'm 41 in a relationship of 19 years and we've tried to have kids for about the last 4 years. Probably left it a bit late and now wondering if we'll regret it. I'm philosophical and think I'll be happy either way but my partner does/did want them and now I think she'll resent me. It's not the best situation tbh.

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IamCaptainHandsome@reddit

The online dating scene is rough, I haven't been in a serious relationship since my last one ended about 3 years ago. It can get a bit lonely at times, but I'd much rather be single than in a bad relationship.

I've never been fussed about having kids, so that part doesn't bother me, but I am worried that at this point I might just end up single forever.

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ImLordDupoBitch@reddit

Pretty great I have a cat

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throwaway512991@reddit

31 and recently split up with my partner of 6 years who id hoped would one day be the mother of my children. To be honest I thought that time was going to be fairly soon, and now I have no idea where I'm going or what I'm going to do with the rest of my life

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nolightningbhe@reddit

Fiancée and I are having a BALL. Career focused and waiting on the world to change before we bring an Iranian and Black American child into this climate

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gammonlord@reddit

33, Single.

Earn a modest 30k.

Live in really nice (but cheap) houseshare with pleasant people close to where I work.

Don't own a car, everywhere I go regularly is walkable, Uber everywhere else.

Close circle of friends nearby, my parents too.

Exercise most days, drink occasionally, eat out more than I should.

Spend most week night evenings watching shows/playing games.

Weekends I'm normally busy with social stuff.

Putting this in writing has made me realise I actually really enjoy my little life ❤️

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Catman9lives@reddit

Sometimes i feel i missed out other times i feel i couldn’t live without the freedom. Funny old game this life business.

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aholidayinspace@reddit

‘Great! All my friends have wives and kids and they are all so miserable loooool ‘

The shit I see on reddit whenever this question comes up

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Cheap_Answer5746@reddit

I feel incredibly lonely. I also don't have a functional relationship with family. Before I came out to Asia 3 months ago I lived in a shared house, earnt peanuts, tried to cook at work. Finished work and switched on Ubereats delivery and drove as long as I could till about 10pm normally. Went to sleep, woke up every day with dread(still do). Also worked every weekend for a year which made me suicidal partly due to lack of sleep. I feel older and like I've missed the boat. I come from a no sex before marriage culture and see all the pretty young girls in 20s and I don't know what I was doing then(working, then unable to work due to physical, mental breakdown while living at home for a couple of years not helped by constant guests, parties, barbecues and parents who behave like children and don't like the responsibility of kids) .They obviously want to marry someone who has not hit 30 which feels like I've missed the boat.

All siblings are married with varying degrees of happiness but we never completely gelled so not much loss there but more scope for parents to say I'm the black sheep.

I'm still clinging onto hope

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amaluna@reddit

Most font friends are in the same position so it’s pretty good. Going for a bottomless brunch with my friends tomorrow- unlimited chicken wings!

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coupl4nd@reddit

Amazing! Do have a long term partner though!

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WonderfulWay4224@reddit

I’ll let you know as soon as undiagnosed BPD is done with burning down my life around me at 37.

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theegrimrobe@reddit

in my 30s (barely) 39 turning 40 begining august im fucking miserable pretty much constantly i have a shitty min-wage job - i live with my folks - my dad is dying (he has lukemia) and my mum is unstable -- if i could afford to move out i would

my only friends live a good hour away and will at some point be moving to scotland

honestly once my dad dies i may well self terminate, finding a sure way is all that is stopping me honestly

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Both_Cell8283@reddit

Looks like I could be the minority here but, I love it. I can come home drunk from the pub and book last minute flights and go somewhere on my own, meet people from all over the world and I do that all the time and come back to my peaceful home alone. I train often, I feel and look great, if I want a night in alone I choose what type of movie night and what to eat. I can go on a drunken weekend bender or I can go to a health spa. I learned that the satisfaction I used to get from being in a relationship I can get from going fishing at 2am admiring the night sky because why not. For those mentioning loneliness, there's plenty of single women in bars and you're absolutely allowed to talk to all of them and most of them want you to do so. I feel there's an evolutionary part of every man that is compelled to roam free and societal pressures won't trick me out of living it.

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Tits_McgeeD@reddit

Pretty good, I got my dog and can just do things I want when I want. Ups and Downs to both lives

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gfaelo@reddit

Most likely, the man is more familiar with his pals than you are. It's quite conceivable that he's in a circle where others are currently depressed. As a nation, we're not exactly experiencing a golden age of contentment and fulfillment in life.

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JustDifferentGravy@reddit

Ace. Solid set of best mates, and far too many acquaintance friends. I date often, and though I say it myself, punch well above my weight. I come and go as I please and only have to consider my family and mates in any decision making, and they’re all cool about stuff.

I didn’t have kids, and I won’t now, so any relationships are not pressured into being forever and they can be good as long as they’re good.

The only thing that I sometimes dislike is cooking for one. Not always, but sometimes I can’t be bothered making decent food just for one and I’ll revert to takeaway or snacks whereas if I was living with a partner I wouldn’t do that hardly.

And holidays are different. Organising group holidays to cater for everyone is a chore. For two it’s mostly plain sailing with a few minor compromises.

From observation, people are either lonely or crave children and that’s their driver for a relationship. Bad move in my opinion. If you’re lonely solve it elsewhere. If you want children it should be because you’ve found your soul mate, don’t find a proxy to satisfy your selfish desire to have children. Avoiding these pitfalls gives you honest clarity in your relationships and other life choices.

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Rhysd007@reddit

Wow, this is pretty much word for word what I would have written in a reply!

I think it's great people can be happy either way.

For me, I would think the only way I would be happy in life with no wife/long term partner or children would be is if I had a group of close mates who all decided not to have kids or partners either and we all went out quite a lot or played sport etc

But even then I think when I came home I'd feel a great sense of loneliness.

I can't envisage a really deep sense of purpose and meaning in life without at least a long term romantic partner.

Kids sure, thats different. Plenty of people choose not to have kids and are happy.

But to just be a single person until death? I'd find that incredibly hard.

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Thor___1988@reddit

“A man without a wife or kid/s is half a man”

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XBumheadX@reddit

Very happy being a DINKWAD (Dual Income, No Kids With A Dog). Both sets of parents have grandkids from our siblings so we don’t feel pressure to have our own. Our time is our own and when we travel we have lots of friends and family that want to look after our dog.

Fucking great.

Long-term girlfriend, decent house, good job etc.

I did want kids once upon a time, but between mine and my girlfriends health conditions, we agreed it would be unfair to bring a child into the world when there are times we can barely look after ourselves, let alone a tiny person

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DoctorOctagonapus@reddit

Pretty lonely, not gonna lie, though I do still have a lot of friends I see regularly. I've got friends a whole spread of ages so while I do have quite a few friends I haven't seen in forever since they've paired off and had kids, my social life still exists. Being single isn't fun despite what people say, and I can't even have a cat as there's no access to the outdoors in my flat. I don't even know which apps to try these days, where do people go when they're after a proper relationship, not just to get laid? No one seems to have had a positive experience with any apps as far as I can tell.

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xbenicetoeachotherx@reddit

...and how does it feel to be an evolutionary dead end?

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DaddyOfChaos@reddit

Good.

Kids + Wife = Annoying time suck that stop you being able to do what you want to do, having the money or time to do anything.

We are the lucky ones and it feels blessed not to have to put up with that shit.

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ThrowRAfeelinglost99@reddit

copium

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DaddyOfChaos@reddit

How so?

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ThrowRAfeelinglost99@reddit

from seeing friends in there 50s, (myself included) who are alone . I would not count it is as being lucky. it’s fun when you’re young. now coming home to an empty house loses its appeal.

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DaddyOfChaos@reddit

Maybe, but it sounds like you are projecting and I am sorry this isn't a good time for you.

I full well know that not having a family now will be life's biggest regret once I'm 70. Life is great right now because I spend a lot of time with my fiancee and my family where we can. And I can see the happiness from our parents when we come see them. We spend holidays together, catch up dinner, christmas, thanksgiving, etc.

This is the most hilarious exchanges I have seen in a while. This guy has no idea how aggressively he is not going to get laid let alone develop a relationship. He is trundling through his life thinking he is going to pop on tinder when he is 40 and have “low mileage” women in their 20s coming out of the woodwork to date him. Lol.

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QuirkyFrenchLassie@reddit

It almost seems like it's parody. And yet, I don't think it is. The worst thing is, profiles like that, what his would be like, there are many of them, almost word for word. You're right, it's hilarious, he has no clue what he sounds like from the opposite side of that app.

But hey, he'll have a profile picture of his face stuck to a lizard rather than a fish. Woohoo, how refreshing.

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Rocketintonothing@reddit

I kinda do to deter lower classes

The shock and horror folks of the internet experience when they discover people have standards that are not like their own is always amusing

Lizardnator I'm coming my baby

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QuirkyFrenchLassie@reddit

I kinda do to deter lower classes

What? What that will achieve is deter everyone.

Almost like you're self sabotaging. Interesting.

The shock and horror folks of the internet experience when they discover people have standards that are not like their own is always amusing

Haha, yeah, news flash, that makes you sound like that one man online no woman will want to speak to.

Your standards, the ones you mention above, please add those to your online dating profile too!

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Rocketintonothing@reddit

Sometimes self sabotage is necessary for the greater good

What we have discovered by the way I'm describing my potential future is that happiness will come from owning a lizard

Thank you internet stranger for opening my eyes

Rocketintonothing@reddit

Exactly!

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Dyse44@reddit

I think there’s a gender difference here. Dating after 40 is great for guys. A single, never married, no kids guy of 40 can happily date 28-35 year old women all day long.

Post 40 is much harder for women and even harder for women with kids. The brutal truth is that guys of a similar age usually aren’t interested for the obvious reason that they can go and date a woman 10 years younger, with no kids.

It’s unfair but it is what it is. Women have it better at other stages of life — particularly twenties and then later on, in older age. But 40s and even 50s are very much the life period for the single man.

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QuirkyFrenchLassie@reddit

I don't know what it's like for men my age exactly, but so far, I have dated men who actually wanted to settle down, and kids usually weren't an issue.

Mostly it depends on who is out there. The men I've chatted with, the ones who don't have children and are in their 40s often welcome the idea of being an addition to an already existing family unit. And they all have said that dating has been pretty difficult so far.

It's probably a safe assumption that it depends on who (everyone out there has different life goals, different backgrounds etc) and also on where, as dating on a small island will not have the same results as dating in London. And the profiles are everything, too.

You are right, of course, being a single mum at 40+ isn't helping but it's not stopped me so far and some of the men I've had dealings with have not been put off.

It's all down to preferences anyway.

In terms of men in their 40s dating younger women, well the younger women I know who online date are very weary and careful around those "older" men And the UK is full of younger single mums too.

To be honest, online dating is actually super fascinating, when it's not too frustrating.

Mostly I was responding to this commenter and his "master plan". But he's going to get a lizard instead of a wife, so problem solved.

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Dyse44@reddit

Really interesting comment — thanks!

You mentioned that the men you’ve dated have all said “that dating has been pretty difficult SO FAR”.

But what does “so far” mean here? It’s speculation and I may be wrong but that sounds like men of that age — 40s — who are relatively new to dating. In other words, divorced men, etc. Because otherwise it wouldn’t be “so far”.

I’m offering an observation more from the perspective of men who have hit their 40s and are never married / no kids / no baggage. There’s no “so far” because we’ve always been dating. Never stopped in the first place!

I think in terms of primary and secondary relationship markets. A lot of Reddit discussions on this topic are really about the secondary market — ie people who have already been married, already had kids etc. But the issue is many blokes in their early 40s are not in the secondary market, they’re in the primary one. They’re not looking to do it all again, they’re contemplating marriage and or children for the FIRST time because they haven’t yet done it all.

But of course, this varies a lot with location as you point out. My world’s London and Hong Kong and occasionally other big cities, rather than regions or islands. And the dynamics I’m describing are most pronounced in large cities, I think. In my experience, it’s actually NYC that is the best place for a gent of 40ish — massive gender imbalance there.

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QuirkyFrenchLassie@reddit

Yeah, "so far" was pretty much since the breakdown of their previous relationship. Or at least in the year ish prior to when I met them. Doesn't have to be marriage. Can just be a long term relationship. That resulted, or not, in children.

The men who usually end up in my search results (for lack of another word) are either looking to settle down, they usually already have kids/happy to have them, or are "open to exploring, and into ethical non monogamy, polyamory etc". Where I live though, the statistics for affairs is very high so that makes it "interesting" when online dating. By "interesting" I mean it's a minefield.

Sorry I'm not even sure I actually replied accurately!

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Watsis_name@reddit

Online dating is just depressing. A bunch of desperate men clamouring over eachother to fail to woo women with unattainable standards.

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DollOnAMusicBox@reddit

Hahaha no we don’t, we think it’s creepy when old sad desperate men hit on us. Hilarious and delusional, good luck.

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stuaird1977@reddit

My sister was 45 when she become single still doing online dating 10 years later and all she meets in cranks

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Waste_Mention_4986@reddit

Stress free.

Lots of varied responses in here, and let’s be real it completely depends on each person and their circumstance. I am someone who didn’t want or plan to get married until my mid thirties…. I ended up getting married at 25. I didn’t think I ever wanted kids, it was a hot topic, our son was unplanned and he brings me so much joy I can’t even explain. I didn’t think I wanted those things, I certainly would have been content without them,yet here I am over the moon with the polar opposite.

But everyone is different. I’ve managed to maintain a busy social life despite having a child, I know tonnes which can’t… or simply don’t… for various reasons. People like to talk about the negatives more than positives, it’s human nature (or at least British nature)

As a divorced father of three adult children, I can honestly say I wish I had never married.

There's a massive difference between being a bachelor and being lonely. I spend my money as I see fit. I travel the world. I have loads of male friends. I date beautiful women half my age.

If you sit at home by yourself you'll be lonely. Hell you can do that sitting in a house with an unhappy woman and be lonely. Get out if the house. Get a life you love and don't look back.

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reddevilhornet@reddit

I would rather have met the person that is right for me but I'm glad I haven't forced myself to be with the wrong person.

There are times I think kids would make my life more meaningful but sometimes I'm very glad I have the opportunity to leave when spending time with my neices/nephew.

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ambadawn@reddit

Pretty wonderful.

TalynRahl@reddit

Not bad, not bad. Freelance copywriter, working on my first novel. Spend a lot of time gaming, mostly DnD.

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Mysterious_Space1863@reddit

I'm happier than I would be with kids for sure. Me and my gf can just live.

Im lucky i have friends and family who are not only childless but single aswell. We still go out to pubs, meals, cinema. Have gaming nights. Im personally training for a new career and run DJ channels for Atmospheric drum and bass, uk garage and dubstep.

Add in gym here and there and spending time with mum and dad. Ive pretty much got outlets of hobbies and interests which has formed my path solo

Don't want a wife because of how fickle people are and men often end up in a worse financial situation. Modern marriages aren't lasting long.

Can't be dealing with bringing kids in this unstable society. UK is a popped water poncho sinking in the ocean every year and is getting worse.

For the people who have family and friends settling down and having kids that cant be easy so makes your situation worse but from what ive seen most men arent making themselves viable options to women in general who want that.

Earning average salaries and not putting your best selves out there doesnt cut it nowadays.

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Volatile1989@reddit

from what ive seen most men arent making themselves viable options to women in general who want that.

Interesting you say this, why do you think that?

I’m the same age as you, male, and have no interest in relationships or having kids, but I’m curious as to why you think that.

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Mundane_Pin6095@reddit

Hey man. Sorry thats for the guys that really want a wife and kids and im basing it it off my personal circle for instance...

One of my mates generally wants the wife house kids white picket fence etc but he's working in sainsbury's warehouse and doesn't really look after his appearance. I know its not a nice thing to disclose but ive tried giving him tips on male grooming etc but wont put the work in then keeps complaining why women dont take him seriously lol

Now of course there's average to non attractive dudes out here that have found there other halfs but in many ways the dating game has changed and i would say alot of women dont want guys on there level or lower and as we get older it gets harder to fill those requirements.

My friends and me are generally average dudes in terms of looks and salary but i we generally look presentable and know how to talk to people we just can't be dealing with the ridiculous standards placed on us and rather do our thing.

Hopefully the answers your question and more bro 👍🏾

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Boop0p@reddit

Single my whole life, living pretty comfortably in a 2 bed flat which I locked the mortgage in for a 10 year fix at the start of 2020. That was a good move, 2.39% interest rate! I live a 30 minute train journey from London, which is handy. Go on two three holidays a year.

Occasionally go to speed dating events in London and Milton Keynes, don't tend to get anywhere. Go to lots of cycling events, Critical Mass, iBike London and the like, with the hopes of meeting people. Being single this whole time does make me wonder if there's just something wrong with me. I've put in for an autism assessment, so lets check back in a year or two when that goes somewhere!

Annoys me that generally it's socially unnacceptable to complain about being single this long. Don't want to look like an incel!

When I see couples on cycling holidays together I get extremely jealous. At least last year when I cycled to Rome I was able to cycle for one week with a guy from Basel to Milan, that made for a refreshing change to being on my tod on these trips.

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Dangerous_Dac@reddit

Havent had a relationship since 2011. It's a bland, boring, beige life.

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Dangerous_Dac@reddit

Havent had a relationship since 2011. It's a bland, boring, beige life.

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starsandbribes@reddit

How many times is this gonna get posted?? Exactly the same post was here yesterday

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Capitanodread@reddit

It’s awesome!! I live in the middle of an excellent city, I’ve got a good job, the house is decorated to my tastes, I have people over all the time and no one can tell me not to watch Conan the Barbarian every other week. Ok, on occasion I think it might be nice to have a child to inherit my things, but then a haggard and exhausted looking friend brings their sticky handed offspring over, leaving everything three feet and below in my house covered in jam and I realise I’ve made good choices in my life.

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myslowgymjourney@reddit

I spend most of my time in the gym or pub. In my 30s now, everyone I know is in either a serious long term relationship or married with children and a house. I’m renting a flat on my own. I think I’m slowly accepting that I’ve missed the boat to have a family.

I enjoy my life a lot but the thought of being 50 and still like this is kinda terrifying.

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Jeklah@reddit

Shit and depressing.

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SGRiggall@reddit

It’s not too bad, if find myself wondering “what if” but that’s as far as it goes because I really do prefer my own company the majority of the time, the thought of somebody else being there the whole time I am just doesn’t feel healthy to myself, I have loads of friends and 6 god children and their siblings and I get my love from them and then go home to my cats and do as I please, it’s a win win for me

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steeley90@reddit

Been with my partner coming up for 7 years now and we don't ever want kids. We both struggle with mental health issues and I wouldn't want to pass on my struggles to another human. I just couldn't put someone through that as I view it as cruel and selfish.

Similar people at work have had kids as that is viewed as "the norm". This is before they've even addressed their own atrocious attitudes and mental health problems and just turn into bitter, horrible, petty people.

My partner and I have our PCs set up next to each other and play games most nights. We still get excited every time we see each other at the end of the day and that hasn't changed since day 1. I've never laughed so much in my life nor have I been happier in my life. I don't see that ever changing.

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QdwachMD@reddit

Pretty decent. I always enjoyed being alone as I have plenty of hobbies. I have good friends who I can spend time with. Be it in game and less often in person. Which I don't mind too much since going out is expensive and I can't drink on my meds anyway.

Honestly?

Quite depressing, I've never really had a proper relationship, and in my early 20s a tried and failed, In my mind too late i decided to focus on starting a business and bettering myself, which failed..

I've always had what I now know is called imposter syndrome, never felt good enough for anyone and undeserving, so I just sort of gave up and accepted the fact I'm going to be lonely 🥺

People say "oh pick yourself up you'd be a great boyfriend/husband" but it's just not that simple.

It's like telling a sad person to cheer up.

I'm functional i still go to work and have hobbies, cook, and clean up after myself, just like living in a void. My mind has been to the darkest place, but I won't do that.

Volatile1989@reddit

I’m single with no kids, and that sounds like way too much effort. It’s a Pot Noodle and a wank for me.

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NoEducation9658@reddit

It sucked for a while - but I've grown to really like the time to myself and freedom I have. I can see my relatives anytime, and I still have friends. I hang out about once a month with them. Most of my weekends are spent reading/exercising/relaxing.

It helps to have a job that I like.

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andyc225@reddit

For me, it's fine. I'm asexual, so not having a partner doesn't make much difference to me. Part of me would like a kid someday, but I can't have one without the other.

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OPsMumsBoyfriend@reddit

Pretty banging tbh. 33, retired a few years ago, live a pretty simple life now.

Focusing on my health a lot recently - lost 20kg, going to be dropping another 15-ish in the next few months.

Most days I'm just in the house chilling with my dog. Do a lot of just-for-fun programming projects. Try to go snowboarding 2-3 times a year.

Have a solid set of close friends which, even though they mostly have families, I still play games with regularly.

Longterm gf left me at the end of November (she wanted kids, I don't) - we're still friendly which is nice.

Booted up an old program I made to scrape dating sites for an ideal partner - the woman who scored the highest in all categories actually messaged me first - we've been talking for a few months now, we play video games most nights and just shoot the shit. It's been really fun.

Just passed my CBT and getting a 'big' bike just in time for summer.

It gets lonely sometimes, especially being single - but generally day-to-day life is pretty awesome.

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troutio@reddit

Mid 40s here. Pretty great, to be honest. Not to say I don't have pangs at not having a family - I always thought I would have kids, and that's just not the way things worked out for me - but I was just reflecting on this the other night.

I was walking my dog at sunset on the beautiful beach outside the flat I bought and renovated myself (exactly how *I* want it). I have a fantastic partner, someone I feel I could be with for ever. My career and my finances aren't all they could have been, but I earn OK money and do interesting work for an organisation that does good in the world. My family are close by and thriving. My physical and mental health are pretty good after a few tough spells. My time is pretty much my own to pursue the things I enjoy. I have struggled to make friends since I moved cities a few years ago, but I have a core of people I know I can rely on.

Could be a lot worse.

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kazakore23@reddit

Wonderful!

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knobber_jobbler@reddit

I have a partner but no children. It's awesome, we get to do whatever we want and can have expensive hobbies.

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BigsMcKcork@reddit

Early 30s, dog and gf no kids. Life's not bad. Mortgage is crippling but there we go. She lets me hide upstairs and play guitar.

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Turbulent__Seas596@reddit

Lonely with each passing year.

Proud_Net7054@reddit

Well I'll probably have a wife in a few years but the no kids thing is sticking

Life is pretty sweet

Yes, there are ups and downs. But that's not related to having or not having kids. I'd argue the down times would be infinitely harder with kids due to added pressure and responsibilities

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theScranBaron@reddit

Pretty unhappy. Kind of given up on life tbh. Always been that way on and off though. I don't think it's anything to do with being single etc though. I find life kind of pointless.

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Lower-Joke-8021@reddit

Not too bad, I do what I like.

Probably (Or definitely) drink too much, play too many video games and waste time in general. I moved to Spain from London as I had it with the rat race at 35. Can get boring and lonely at times but have some mates for drinkies and can always jump on a sleasyjet back home when I feel the need.

Its not for everyone I can tolarate being on my own for extended periods alot of people cant. Ive had plenty of girlfriends but in the end I just need my own space, cant imagine having children at this point.

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Concetto_Oniro@reddit

No kids, I am glad, quite happy.

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FingersToKeyboard@reddit

Turning 30 next week. I'm happy. I date fairly often and have some semi long term relationships now and then but I've always loved my own company and don't really crave constant companionship, if anything it stresses me out. I enjoy work, have lots of creative hobbies, I exercise most days, I see my family often, I have friends that I visit regularly. Life is good.

royalblue1982@reddit

I'm 41. No partner or kids. Had to move away from family and friends due to house prices.

Life is ok, my job is ok. I really do just enjoy watching tv with a few beers. Saturdays involve a couple of pints in the local at lunchtime before coming back to watch football and Saturday night tv. Sundays are cleaning, movies, YouTube and cooking.

Not having a wife or kids meant that I was able to save and invest enough money to be able to permantly retire a couple of years ago whilst still in my thirties. If I had stayed in any of the relationships I had in the past, that never would have been the case with how much money they were costing me.

I was happy and content for most of my 30s living in my own space and enjoying all my hobbies. I didn’t meet my partner till I was 38, and she is the love of my life, I was very grateful to wait for the right person and not rush into something just to make do.

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Substantial-Zone-989@reddit

Just turned 31 and honestly, I stopped caring about what a lot of people think about my lifestyle. Do what I want when I want ie. drinking from the moment I wake up until I go to bed, gaming all day, eating junk food all day... It's both fun and depressing.

Depressing because I have no life and not many friends outside of work, no one to look forward to seeing after work, no one to provide quiet companionship. Fun as I get to do things as I please even if it's extremely detrimental to my overall health.

I don't have any strong desire to get married so I date to enjoy it and meet people not to find a wife or husband. Being a never-married, childfree man is his 30s really flips the switch on dating I've found. In my 20s I'd struggle to meet people, now I'm more selective than I have been in the past and have met many wonderful people and been on more dates in the last 3 months than I'd have gone on in a year in my 20s.

Sex in your 30s is also way better, too. I know what I want, they know what they want.

Oh, and money. My brother has kids, I don't. We earn a similar amount but I live like a king in comparison to him.

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KrungThepMahaNK@reddit

Amazing.

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CraftySlyFoxx@reddit

Excellent.

Lot of pains hurts and huge dread along with the beautiful experience of Life- especially 4 years ago with the loss of my mum after a monumentous effort to save her life. As gods will.

Now...thanks to God, Bhagwan, Allah...30s, no kids, no official employment (eBay if you see this i didn't do bugger all wrong 🙏😊 and donated verifiable proofs of my donations and works (feeding starving people in time in cases) i did even on my travels -could do with my account back 🙏 will still be happier if you give it me back bros 😊)

Life beautiful soul of God....is well now so beautiful that the words below ring so true that I literally DANCE in the CITY of GOD, that's the beautiful DIVINE BOLTON, UK in blisses at times.

"Life is the Dancer, YOU are the Dance " Bhagwan Shree Eckhart

I assure you Bhagwan, Allah, God is enough for a beautiful life (that would an understatement about the value of LIFE). The sense of humour, I laugh so hard with god alone sometimes.

Ofcourse people think I've got a mental illness 😁🙏

"Even belief in God is only a poor substitute for the LIVING reality of GOD MANIFESTING EVERY MOMENT of YOUR LIFE" Mahaprabhu Eckhart Tolle (Mahaprabhu Hermes Trimestigus in a 4th Incarnation) ' this is how I genuinely feel thanks to Shree Krishna so often..

Have a blissful joyful peaceful happy 26th April 2024

M (Currently 30s, single, no kids- having the absolute time of MY life with God, Bhagwan)

Thanks for the wonderful question OP

Life is the dancer, YOU are the Dance 💃

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Daniel46@reddit

i ain't reading all that. im happy for you tho, or sorry that happened.

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PeterG92@reddit

I'd like a partner but fuck knows how

It's great. I do what I like, when I like, want to try tome crazy hobby that takes over the house for 6months, no problem. Want to go on a driving holiday for a month, no problem.

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MS101110@reddit

Truth is, people are not very good at being honest, so the ones that had kids and marrried won’t really say they wish they didn’t, and the ones with pets etc won’t really come here when they hit 50 to tell you they wish they made different choices

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__----------@reddit

As a single gay guy, I have as much sex as I want.

I feel lonely for about 20 minutes per year.

Kids are nice but soooo much work and I wouldn't want to be bringing them into the world with the climate change happening and on the cusp of a world war.

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grs86@reddit

Honestly its pretty sweet. I've had a very dear friend since 2005 who I met through an online game who is 15 years older than me. He's pretty much became like an older brother to me and we talk every single day, and have done for the last almost twenty years. He and his missus decided to never have kids when they were younger and it was obvious that he was a lot happier. So over the years, I started to come around to the same way of thinking. I'm 38 later this year and have no kids and don't intend to ever have any. I've been with my partner though for seven years now and she doesn't want kids either, plus she's nine years younger than me, so bonus. We have more time to ourselves, we don't have the stress of kids, we have more money and generally we're pretty happy. We still somewhat get the parenting experience without all the trouble though. She has brothers that are considerably younger than her who have just became teenagers, so we guide them. Plus I also have a nephew that I absolutely adore, so we get to be the cool aunt and uncle with our fancy Japanese classic cars and cool gadgets and gizmos. I don't feel like I'm missing out on anything, because really, deep down, I don't think I've ever been cut out to be a parent. Besides, our world is so screwed up that I don't think I could look my offspring in the eye knowing the world they're going to inherit.

In short, its pretty amazing.

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RuleInformal5475@reddit

Miserable in a way. No legacy and no family about. I get sent pics of my friends with kids. I don't see them anymore as they have more responsibilities now.

I might be able to live on my own terms and do what I want, but is it worth it?

Still, I'm sure I'd be a different type of miserable if I was in a relationship and had kids. And as the responsibility bar is so much higher, I don't think I'd be a good dad or husband.

Currently very lost and every day is feeling meh.

Well it it helps I got a disability living with my parent, in 30s, single since many years, I thought maybe going on adult work getting my cherry pop few times would fill the void when alone it doesn't.

Looking at family they all married, kids. However of late I have the feeling of freedom they cannot have. No kids to look after or no worrying ether, i used to get all upset over it , now i feel more blessed than anything, marriage always end up in divorces, relationships can go 3 ways, end up together all throughout life and happy or they end up being together and their relationship gets stale and boring, or it all go to shit one of them cheats etc.

I Don't see there is point in dating/relationships at the moment, if I was that desperate pay for dating agency, but im happy. I used to focus on dating/meeting women when i was much younger

I don't know , I'm enjoying life lot more ever since i stopped thinking "I need to find someone and settle down" you can be pretty much happy without a girlfriend, also marriage is kinda getting out fashioned, pay shit ton money to get married, pay shit ton of money to get unmarried , I'd never get married even if i found a partner

Spiritual_Pound_6848@reddit

Its okay, get to do whatever I want when I want (within reason), I've got my dog for company :) I would like a partner but atm its not really on the cards, kids I won't ever be having so I'm fucking glad for my quiet house with no noise and not as much mess.

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ExtremeEquipment@reddit

i spend most my money to paint little plastic men. drive around in my wee car. lifes good

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doctorofdistance@reddit

We have bikes

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afungalmirror@reddit

Pretty great thanks. Just enjoying looking at the window on the train at the beautiful sun shiny morning. If it's still nice tomorrow I'll go to the allotment. Life is good.

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It’s great. I do whatever the fuck I want, whenever the fuck I want to.

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Frenzy666@reddit

Pretty miserable if I'm honest but I have my small wins and I'm building a business.

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Icedtangoblast@reddit

I won’t be alive at 30, what a shit life that would be. Waste of fycking oxygen

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iltwomynazi@reddit

I’m gay so wife and kids not on the table. But ye it’s fucking great. Mates are getting married and we have one kid in the group, but nobody else is near the point of kids so we’re all still hanging out regularly. Still a 20 strong group of uni mates.

Revolutionary-Ad2355@reddit

It’s a mix for me personally.

I’m 31 and I work from Home as a contractor in Tech with my two dogs. Financially I’m good and I’ve just bought a house in the countryside so there’s that. On the other hand, I was engaged to my long-term GF before and it ended up ending really, really badly for me so I’ve never really felt the need to go down the same route again. I cannot be arsed.

It’s great at times for sure but I feel as I’ve gotten older there’s some sort of hole there that’s always just there.

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ShitCommentBelow@reddit

Pretty empty; plus, my future looks somewhat bleak and terrifying.

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Excellent-Estate-360@reddit

I’m Ace so relationships are harder. I go back and forth on whether I even want or need one.

In my 30s lived alone for 10 years, own my own house in a nice part of the country. I’m pretty happy on my own most of the time. I have a good salary for a single household , I’m independent but have a few good friends and live close to family. I’ve picked up a few hobbies in recent years and a happy little cat.

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We’ll 40 is just around the corner and I have zero plans to marry or have children.

I was married very briefly in my early 20s and it was an all around miserable experience for me and her.

For what it’s worth, all the men in my social circle who are in the same position I’m in have no intention of ever marrying or having children, but these are men who could be married if they wanted to, and I think that choice makes the difference.

The only thing I notice now that I wish I had changed is my total unwillingness to compromise with someone else as I’ve aged. I travel where I want, live where I want, do what I want, work where I want. I don’t think anyone could handle being married to me, although for me this level of independence far outweighed the desire to get married

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rising_then_falling@reddit

Being single at 50 is slightly hard work. It's financially dreadful, and a bit lonely. But I've been single most of my life and pretty good at it overall.

Not having kids is easier, but you have to fill your life with something else. Kids are a huge rewarding hard work project. You can't fill that gap with TV and beer (well, I can't). So, I have a lot of hobbies and interests, but that takes time and money too.

I don't want kids, and never had a strong desire for them. I do want a partner, but recognise that I'm pretty bad at relationships.

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Life is good

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Langeveldt@reddit

The sheer speed at which friends have disappeared when they had kids took me by surprise. I am always seen as the crutch to go on the lash with occasionally, even though I hardly drink, just because I dont have kids.

Perfect

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Sure-Elephant4931@reddit

Don't want a wife but very much want children.

Any women who don't want a husband but want to have some children, DM me heh

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Prior-Building5640@reddit

What was the point of limiting the question to men?

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Mrslinkydragon@reddit

Md and my partner are doing alright, beyond me being unemployed and us living with her parents...

I wouldn't mind being a father but there's things going on that prevent us. It does me we can go on holiday more often though

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The_hooded_humans@reddit

Excellent

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Dazpiece@reddit

35, with a fiancée and no kids (we both don't want kids). We do have a dog though. Life's good as we both work full time in decent jobs, both very happy being DINKs. Bought a house a couple of years ago and getting married next year, so we've had a few years of saving for big things and are looking forward to instead saving for our next load of holidays!

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Unusual_Resident_784@reddit

Great actually. See and talk to my mates regularly, spend time with family and total financial and emotional freedom. I'm 40 and the happiest I've ever been.

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Eren-Alter-Ego@reddit

I'm genuinely shocked at the negative comments here. I have so many friends who are unmarried and childless and we're all incredibly happy and relieved!!

A lot of my freinds who are doing the wife and kids thing are bored senseless and keep coming up with the most dumbfounding ways to try and make life more exciting

I wont pretend i dont get lonley at times but theres defenitley a lot of silver linings to being a single guy in his early 30's

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ra246@reddit

I'm interested in moving to Australia in a few years time..how have you found it and how long have you been there? Any thoughts on coming back?

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JJY199@reddit

3 months , great so far but like i said i found life in the Uk very awkward and uninspiring

I have zero thoughts on coming back

The economy would need a miracle for me to come back

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starskyyy@reddit

Alot more dating, alot more freedom in terms of travelling and location of living, more time to focus on myself and grow both from a personal and business front. I think both life styles have their ups and downs. I do wonder and get concerned how couples with young children will manage to get by financially though, especially in London.

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Sibs_@reddit

I’m happier than I was at any point in my 20s. Financially stable and I can put all my time and effort into my hobbies & interests. I’ve made new friends who share them and lots of good memories. Have total freedom to do as I please. It’s great.

Does get very lonely sometimes though. I would like to meet someone but not for the sake of it, they’d have to be right for me and fit into my lifestyle.

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evdriverni@reddit

why does having kids seem important to u

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RhysT86@reddit

I enjoy myself, I can do what I want, when I want and look at my brother and sister (who are both married with a child each) & I think their lives look so busy and stressful.

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Evening-Web-3038@reddit

Not too bad! I get to sleep in a racing car!

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nibor@reddit

It was ok. I did a lot of hobbies amd generally enjoyed myself. A few girlfriends but nothing serious,

I met someone serious late 30s and married at 41, I now have 2 kids. It’s better

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Stu2307@reddit

The 30s were the best times of my life. I travelled a ridiculous amount, I even quit my job to travel around Asia for over a year at the end of my 30s. I also lived alone in my own flat so had a lot of freedom and independence.

I had quite a few girlfriends (not at the same time) and dated a lot so I never felt lonely. If I had got married with kids then I would've missed out on a lot of experiences so definitely no regrets there. My brother on the other hand who is married with kids has hardly travelled anywhere and spends most of his time working to support his family and has very little disposable income compared to me (even though I earn much less). Although I'm sure he is happy I never feel envious of his life.

I'm now in my early 40's and still not married or have kids but happier than I've ever been. I am in a relationship with a lovely girl, still travelling often and I have more money than I ever have done. Do I want kids in the future? I'm still undecided as having kids would mean I would lose the freedom that I have and if I wanted to move abroad in the future that would also be unlikely with children.

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Remote_Echidna_8157@reddit

I'm happy and financially better off for it. I don't want kids. Sometimes I think about being in a relationship but I don't have enough motivation to pursue women.

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Opposite_Wish_8956@reddit

I’m in bed with a cold. Nobody is giving me hot toddies or soothing my fevered brow.

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ballondaws4289@reddit

Currently 33 and my 30s have been the best so far. No kids so I have time and money to do my hobbies and hang out with friends. I can finish work and get on with fun parts of life.

Also 30 was my proper slag period too which was great!

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bobbyv137@reddit

Never been happier. Financial and geographical freedom.

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BD3134@reddit

I love not having the responsibility of a partner or family, therefore having more time and money for myself.

But it's very lonely a lot of the time and that can be a struggle, particularly when times are tough.

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