Is it acceptable in some circumstances to fake a disability?

Posted by Unfair_Original_2536@reddit | AskUK | View on Reddit | 35 comments

I need a haircut and I've been putting it off, mostly though being ill but also I can't deal with the same conversation with my barber again. I don't have amazing hearing because of eustachian tube dysfunction so I miss half the detail of what he says anyway. I was considering trying a new barber and since it's a clean slate making the most of it and pretending I'm full on deaf. It's not like I'm going to defraud anyone it's just I want to avoid the same chat where I'm constantly going "what? sorry I didn't catch that" as they buzz a shaver round my ear and asking if I'm going on holiday.

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35 Comments

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cbob-yolo@reddit

I just literally tell them what cut i want and sit. Keep it short and sweet Hows your day? Good Working? No or later on If you engage in the conversation it opens up more doors like hows your day? Good hows yours? Then it just drags forget that short and sweet its his job to cut your hair not chat so dont worry what he thinks

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Unfair_Original_2536@reddit (OP)

I don't think I can hit the reset button on this relationship.

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Just_Lab_4768@reddit

Just get a new barber and say you struggle with hearing. I literally tell my barber what I want then sit in silence, I’m not disabled I just don’t like talking to people after a long day talking to people

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Unfair_Original_2536@reddit (OP)

You got job? Girlfriend?

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Just_Lab_4768@reddit

Just give short polite answers they soon give up, I tip well though so I guess there’s that

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Unfair_Original_2536@reddit (OP)

I did tip well but now my tip has reduced as the price rises so I pay the same amount. Inflation hates this one simple trick.

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Alarmed_Crazy_6620@reddit

Does sound like you have a legitimate disability

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Unfair_Original_2536@reddit (OP)

I have one but it’s not that. Unfortunately you can’t say don’t talk to me cos I have the bipolar.

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fionsichord@reddit

But you do have hearing loss so you don’t have to “make up” anything. I have to say it’s the most uk thing ever that you’re too embarrassed to clarify your hearing problems with your barber so you’re thinking of going somewhere new. Practically a plot line for Peep Show, lol.

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Unfair_Original_2536@reddit (OP)

My other option is to take a flight beforehand because it makes my ears pop and I can hear better.

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tomatojournal@reddit

I mean you can.

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Unfair_Original_2536@reddit (OP)

Some people are funny about bipolar, talk about it in hushed tones behind your back kind of thing.

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ToriaLyons@reddit

You'd be surprised how many people have disabilities without realising. Although, it's their prerogative if they want to claim the label or not.

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Remote-Pool7787@reddit

Wtf?! Just tell him you have hearing difficulties

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Perfect_Confection25@reddit

"Sorry mate. Bit mutton!" Leaves barbers resplendent in huge sideburns.

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OldLondon@reddit

No, it’s not acceptable.

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Lower_Possession_697@reddit

Wtaf, just say 'Sorry mate, I can't hear you very well, I've got a problem with my ears'.

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Unfair_Original_2536@reddit (OP)

Then I'll have to explain that it's been like that the last four years.

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SuboptimalOutcome@reddit

I can tell you, from watching the entire run of *Curb Your Enthusiasm*, this deception is 100% definitely going to backfire on you somehow, in ways you can least anticipate.

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Unfair_Original_2536@reddit (OP)

Like every single person who watched it with their partner I too I’m regularly told “you are just Larry”.

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JBEqualizer@reddit

Just tell them you have hearing problems and therefore you can't chat while you have your hair cut, rather than just lying about being completely deaf. You could just go back to where you normally go and just tell them the same thing.

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Unfair_Original_2536@reddit (OP)

I tried something like that once before. I was having a watch battery replaced and I didn’t hear the guy and I said in the casual jokey way “sorry I didn’t catch that I’m half deaf” just using that turn of phrase not divulging a medical condition. The guy then held up his hand to indicate a five and slowly mouthed “five pounds”. Embarrassingly he didn’t accept card payments so I was like I need to go get cash I’ll be five minutes. Then he tried to give me the battery for free because he thought I was deaf and had additional support needs. I did nip home and get the cash as it was only round the corner.

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Delicious-Cut-7911@reddit

Silent salons for haircuts..

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jj198hands@reddit

>I was considering trying a new barber and since it's a clean slate making the most of it and pretending I'm full on deaf. Just politely say you are a bit deaf and would prefer not to talk. Some barbers talk because they want to but am sure at least as many do because they think its expected of them or that its a good way to relax the customer, if you are more relaxed when not talking just tell them.

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Unfair_Original_2536@reddit (OP)

I’d pay more for it to skip from “how much off the top” to “how is that, you happy?”

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Craft_on_draft@reddit

There is a huge middle ground between the two positions. If you’re going to a new barber, just say “I have some issues with hearing, so, sorry mate, I probably won’t be able to hear you if you talk to me when the clippers or hair dryer are going” And the vast majority of people will accommodate that happily. You don’t need to start making up sign language or something

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Breakwaterbot@reddit

I'm loving the thought of someone going into a barber and pretending to be deaf by doing some fake sign language, then the barber *actually* knowing sign language and being puzzled at what the hell is going on.

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Unfair_Original_2536@reddit (OP)

I thought of that, I was going to take a note from my mum instead.

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Burning_Ranger@reddit

Wasn't this on IT Crowd?

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mdmnl@reddit

It's like a lazy, mid-season, sitcom plot. Would communicating clearly solves this quickly? Yes. Will I do it? No, I'll pretend to be an oil baron, or a Bohemian Archduke instead.

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nonotthereta@reddit

A lot of places expressly offer silent haircuts now, if you want to look for one of those.

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ToriaLyons@reddit

You can ask for a 'silent' or no-talk appointment. They are becoming a lot more popular nowadays. Or, stick some earbuds in and pretend you're listening to something. Or, just tell them you are hard of hearing, which is true.

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BriefAmphibian7925@reddit

Just say "By the way, I don't have great hearing." That way you're not lying and don't end up in some sort of hilarious sitcom situation when you encounter your barber somewhere else.

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Whole-Milk7391@reddit

Well, pretending to have a disability is like wearing a fake mustache - it might seem funny at first, but it's definitely not a good idea!

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