On this boring wet hailstoney day what's some funny sh*t you've encountered by accident?

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budget_BICYCLE_7258@reddit

Mate, I swear these seagulls are getting dumber by the day! The fact that one of 'em flew straight into a fence and then let out a bloody 'meow' is the most hilarious shite I've heard all week. You can't make this stuff up, can ya? Absolute comedy gold, that is!

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silentarcher00@reddit

Walking my dog with my mum. He ran under a river bridge when the water was low and ran out again with a big green slimy dildo flopping around in his mouth. He thought it was the best toy ever and refused to give it up to us or the other people who joined in to try and get it off him as we were right next to the kids play area. He put it down at one point and it stood upright. God it was funny...

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PigeonMother@reddit

>He thought it was the best toy ever and refused to give it up to us or the other people who joined in to try and get it off him 😂😂

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Evening_Resist_7032@reddit

Omfg I'm dying

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dai4u-twonko@reddit (OP)

Dogs are brilliant😄👌

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Dimorphodon101@reddit

Years ago I bought a salmon from Tesco's which had been reduced. Didn't fit my backpack so it was poking out the top. By the time I'd got home on a bus, the Piccadilly line and a lond walk someone had stuck a fag in its mouth, no idea when but I was walking around with this salmon poking out of my backpack smoking a fag.

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MelodicAd2213@reddit

Smoked salmon

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PigeonMother@reddit

Brilliant

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sonderwords@reddit

*smoking salmon

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Margaet_moon@reddit

Take my upvote.

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CabinetOk4838@reddit

Beat me to it.

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LadyNajaGirl@reddit

I’m crying 😂

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Zathral@reddit

Sounds pretty suspicious.... and you know that's illegal

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Evening_Resist_7032@reddit

I'm reading this on a train to London and struggling ti keep my composure, I want to laugh so hard

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Big_VernUK@reddit

🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

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doloresfandango@reddit

Oh that made me laugh thank you

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dai4u-twonko@reddit (OP)

Human ingenuity knows no bounds my fellow dj

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SignNotInUse@reddit

Saw a workman, take off their hard hat to scratch their head, and walk backwards back of head first into a scaffolding pole hard hat in hand

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IndividualCurious322@reddit

While walking down a wooded path I saw a couple in the loving throes of passion using a wooden bench as support. Her man was completely into it, grunting and panting like a wild hog (the noises are burnt into my memory) but not a peep from her. Her phones making a lot of noise though, as she seemed to be playing a particular enthralling game of Bejeweled or Candy Crush.

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Big_VernUK@reddit

This was in the days when the old Routemaster buses were the norm in London. For those unfamiliar, these buses had no doors but had a platform that passengers would use to board and disembark. This platform had a vertical pole. Walking along one hot summer afternoon, one of these buses goes past me. Hot on its heels was this bloke, in the middle of the road running faster than Usain Bolt after the bus. He closed in on this moving bus and made a leap for the platform - just as the bus stopped at a mini roundabout. He hit the platform post, ricocheting off of it and landed on his arse in the middle of the road! 🤣

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Nicktrains22@reddit

Oof. You'd feel that one in the morning

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Scotto6UK@reddit

Is the neighbour called Nigel, or is that the name of the cat?

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dai4u-twonko@reddit (OP)

Name of the cat, nice fella tbf

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OppositeYouth@reddit

I love human names for animals. I'm picturing Nigel as a black and white tuxedo kitty

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Rare-Imagination1224@reddit

My cats are called Derrick & Clive

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dai4u-twonko@reddit (OP)

He's all black with white paws, which helps to see him when it's dark lol

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OppositeYouth@reddit

So I was almost right. I knew a Nigel cat just had to be some type of black/white. It fits purrfectly

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dai4u-twonko@reddit (OP)

Alllright calm down😄

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OppositeYouth@reddit

No, the only time I'd ever be able to get a degree is if a University offered a course where my thesis is Animals with Human names.

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dai4u-twonko@reddit (OP)

My nan used to have a tortoise called Schumacher... Random weird memory from 25 years ago just popped in my head

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alwaysexplainli5@reddit

My great aunt used to have a tortoise called Speedy!

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rebelallianxe@reddit

I had a cat called Dave once.

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HotPinkLollyWimple@reddit

My cat is called Fat Jimmy.

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Upstairs_Internal295@reddit

Some friends of mine have a cat called Big Dave. She is massive, to be fair.

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Professor_Meowriarty@reddit

Superb

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JarJarBinksSucks@reddit

I called my cat Dave

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Connect-Smell761@reddit

I have a Gary and she’s pure black, with a few white hairs on her bib.

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ketamineandkebabs@reddit

Cycling to work one Saturday along a very quiet cycle track I saw a dog standing in the path. I slowed down to gi by the dog in case it didn't like bikes. That's when I clocked an old boy must have been in his 70's, crouched down taking a shit as I went by I got a very cheery "morning" from him.

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dai4u-twonko@reddit (OP)

Sounds like mans best friend took the old timer for a morning 'walk' 😄

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Goldencol@reddit

Hope the dog picked up his owners mess.

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spookynemo87@reddit

Walking to work on a snowy day I had a "roadman" giving me the evil eye from the other side of the road. He the slipped on the snow and went right feet up to the sky on his back. I laughed my head off. He got up and was very pissed off that I had laughed so decided to run after me. Which was when he fell again face first into the snow. I carried on with my walk to work (I bought grips for my shoes the day before).

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LopsidedVacation@reddit

Permagrip Timpsons - £19.99

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Cheekychick1970@reddit

It's a pair of these yer wantin.

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dai4u-twonko@reddit (OP)

That's God teaching him a lesson to behave😄

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Long-Improvement-894@reddit

Tram stop in Nottingham. Curb is about 2 foot high. Saw a guy try and jump up once and mis-judged it. He instantly tried to rescue it with the other foot and missed, tried again, missed again. All happened in a matter of seconds but looked like he was riding an invisible bike. He ended up slapping down on his face and scattering his belongings. Very funny but not funny. Luckily someone ran to his rescue. Same tram stop, someone placed their Primark paper bag of clothes on the wet floor. Tram came and they grabbed the handles of the bag and stepped onto the tram, leaving behind the torn out wet bottom of the bag and a perfectly folded pile of clothes on the pavement.

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dai4u-twonko@reddit (OP)

Riding an invisible bike😄 ... Feel abit bad for clothes person tho tbf lol

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Dreamy_pasties00@reddit

Haha its funny but when you are on that situation you can't actually laugh. Maybe I would run to him and help. Anyways, clothes person will just go to laundry those clothes after what happened 😂

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BabyAlibi@reddit

They left them on the platform and got on the train. They would be lucky they were still there, even if they did get another train back there.

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ChipCob1@reddit

I was on a tram in Nottingham in hungover autopilot mode recently and said 'cheers' as I got off!

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elliemunch16@reddit

I have 2 that come to mind. I was having a drink in my sisters garden minding my own business when a cat squatted over the drain at the end of the garden and peed! I couldn't believe what I had seen and just started to laugh. The second happened as I was walking home from school many years ago. A man was walking in the opposite direction reading a book whilst he was walking so wasn't paying attention to where he was going. He walked straight into a lamp post and the book smacked him in the face. At least with this one I managed to keep my laughter in till I didn't think he would hear me!

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Th3_Irishm4an@reddit

In Amsterdam there was a man on shrooms licking the window of a cheese shop

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dai4u-twonko@reddit (OP)

Shrooms do be making you act strange even when you try your hardest not to😄

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schmoovebaby@reddit

My husband thought he would make me laugh by holding the cat while wearing oven gloves but what actually happened was I just heard him laughing from the other room because when he picked the cat up, it made the cat audibly fart for the first and only time in his life which simultaneously made my husband laugh very loudly and the cat shit himself and leg it out of the house.

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dai4u-twonko@reddit (OP)

Thee old cut n run trick😄

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schmoovebaby@reddit

The old toot and scoot

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dai4u-twonko@reddit (OP)

Fart n dart

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schmoovebaby@reddit

Gas and dash (sorry)

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schmoovebaby@reddit

Fart and depart

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stuntedmonk@reddit

Sat alone drinking a pint. Group of lads sit down, start chatting about a mutual friend. One casually says “yeah, but he drinks cooking wine” They crack up, I crack up.

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HansNiesenBumsedesi@reddit

Last year I was walking the dog and a kid of about 15 ran past me and farted. He got a bit further up the path, jumped in the air, kicked his heels like Fred Astaire and farted in mid air. Then laughed and ran off. It was quite magical.

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dai4u-twonko@reddit (OP)

That kids got a bright future

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dancingcab@reddit

A man cutting a kids hair in the middle of the street. I can only assume it was the boys dad. 6pm on a slightly drizzly Good Friday. Stood in the middle of the road (a dead end so no traffic). Doing what looked like a professional job with scissors and a comb. Possibly the most random thing I've ever seen.

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Starsteamer@reddit

When I was a kid, I had a black and white cat and the people that lived opposite had one of those really smaller terrier dogs. I heard a noise outside and saw the dog chasing my cat. Then the cat suddenly stopped, looked at this wee dog, seemed to realise he could take it. And then started chasing the dog. It was like a WB cartoon and I couldn’t stop laughing. No one bloody believed me either!

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iwantmorewhippets@reddit

My dogs will chase cats until they turn around and look at them, then they turn into the biggest wimps and run away. They are not small dogs either, one is half deerhound (but she is scared of everything, lockdown dog that we rescued).

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iwantmorewhippets@reddit

Ooh I have another one. I was on the bus once and saw a person running at full speed all frazzled and not paying attention. Anyway, a few yards up ahead is a cyclist just standing on the pavement with his bike, so stationary. I knew what would happen as soon as I saw the 2 people. The person running wasn't paying attention and ran straight into the cyclist, the cyclist wasn't impressed. They both got knocked over, it was quite an impact for a pedestrian and a stationary bike. It was quite busy with a few people walking about as it was outside a shop, but no one thought to give either a warning, and I couldn't as I was on a bus.

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iwantmorewhippets@reddit

I once saw 2 birds teasing a dog. They were flying in figure 8's encouraging the dog to chase them, taking it in turns like a tag team. As soon as the dog looked like it had had enough they came in closer and lower until it chased, then sped up and got a bit higher. The dog was going mad barking at them. The owner was stood right there just watching. I do see a lot of birds fly into my windows, leaving bird shaped marks on my windows which I then need to go and clean off. They are fine for the most part, they do give me a fright though, it's loud!

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boudicas_shield@reddit

I was cleaning out our big kitchen cabinet, which is unfinished in the back and has a gap that leads to behind the washer and another little gap that leads to under the sink. My adventurous younger cat decided to “help” me by crawling all around back there and wedging herself in all these tiny, dusty crawl spaces. She somehow squeezed her big bum into the labyrinth that is under the sink and sneezed about 45 times in a row, but refused to come back out. Just rolling in years of dust build up and sneezing maniacally but stubbornly refusing to give up the adventure, I guess. Gave me a good laugh at least.

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adorabelledeerheart@reddit

Was on a driving lesson, it was chucking it down and we saw a pink, floating, glowing tent coming towards us. My instructor said "what the fuck is that?!" and as we drove closer, we realised it was just a rather... large lady on a mobility scooter wearing a pink cagoule smoking a fag.

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LoadedGull@reddit

Puny human! You and that cat carry on laughing at me… go on, I dare ya!!! CLICK CLACK *racks glock*

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johngknightuk@reddit

I didn't see it myself but a friend of mine who is blind and has a guide dog. She was stopped while in town and was told, "Did you know your dog has a fish in its mouth?" he must have nicked it out of someone's shopping bag

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dai4u-twonko@reddit (OP)

That dog can multi task fair dos

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bloopbloop90@reddit

Not sure if this counts as accidental as I happened to see this happen while at work (glanced at the CCTV). I saw a kid 10yo or so on an electric scooter, stop in the middle for the road and get off the scooter, lie himself on the floor and start screaming and holdng him leg/gyrating as if he had fallen off? There was only his two friends who were slightly ahead and they doubled back to him... So. Weird.

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bloopbloop90@reddit

Not sure if this counts as accidental as I happened to see this happen while at work (glanced at the CCTV). I saw a kid 10yo or so on an electric scooter, stop in the middle for the road and get off the scooter, lie himself on the floor and start screaming and holdng him leg/gyrating as if he had fallen off? There was only his two friends who were slightly ahead and they doubled back to him... So. Weird.

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bloopbloop90@reddit

Not sure if this counts as accidental as I happened to see this happen while at work (glanced at the CCTV). I saw a kid 10yo or so on an electric scooter, stop in the middle for the road and get off the scooter, lie himself on the floor and start screaming and holdng him leg/gyrating as if he had fallen off? There was only his two friends who were slightly ahead and they doubled back to him... So. Weird.

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Starsteamer@reddit

When I was a kid, I had a black and white cat and the people that lived opposite had one of those really smaller terrier dogs. I heard a noise outside and saw the dog chasing my cat. Then the cat suddenly stopped, looked at this wee dog, seemed to realise he could take it. And then started chasing the dog. It was like a WB cartoon and I couldn’t stop laughing. No one bloody believed me either!

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Arrakis_Is_Here@reddit

Spent all my money on a night and had to walk home. Luckily, I knew all the shortcuts, one of which was some steps leading to a back street which then led to the main road and then home As I'm walking, I see a guy stood at the bottom of the steps. I cautiously slow down and assess the situation, notice he's absolutely blind drunk and poses little threat. So I keep going, greet him with "alright mate" and make my way up the steps. Where I'm greeted by the sight of his mate getting a blow job from a prostitute. He's all "wtaf" she's "who is that?" I just say "don't mind me, just passing through" and walk quickly away to the sound of the guy chastising his drunk mate for being a shit look out.

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dai4u-twonko@reddit (OP)

How did you know she was a brass?

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Arrakis_Is_Here@reddit

I'm from Bradford, ya just know

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dai4u-twonko@reddit (OP)

Tbf tho the lookout was a shithouse lol

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Paulstan67@reddit

It's been sunny pretty much all day here in northern Cumbria (for a change)

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Arrakis_Is_Here@reddit

Spent all my money on a night and had to walk home. Luckily, I knew all the shortcuts, one of which was some steps leading to a back street which then led to the main road and then home As I'm walking, I see a guy stood at the bottom of the steps. I cautiously slow down and assess the situation, notice he's absolutely blind drunk and poses little threat. So I keep going, greet him with "alright mate" and make my way up the steps. Where I'm greeted by the sight of his mate getting a blow job from a prostitute. He's all "wtaf" she's "who is that?" I just say "don't mind me, just passing through" and walk quickly away to the sound of the guy chastising his drunk mate for being a shit look out.

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Single-Aardvark9330@reddit

Not to brag but the sun has been out for several hours now where I am

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VadimH@reddit

You know what they say, if you don't like English weather - wait 10 minutes :)

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dai4u-twonko@reddit (OP)

I live in Wales, we wait atleast 15😄

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TimebombChimp@reddit

Yep, still got the washing on the line!

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corobo@reddit

It's been sunny here twice today. Before my walk and after my walk.. got caught by some absolutely massive raindrops while out lmao I love Sod's Law haha

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dai4u-twonko@reddit (OP)

I see Gods twisted sense of humour strikes again

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dai4u-twonko@reddit (OP)

Well you are. An I'm offended.

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Old-Distribution7202@reddit

The seagull was probably distracted by what you were doing to that homosexual in your garden. I'm sure the cat was also getting an eye full.

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spookynemo87@reddit

Hahaha because fag means homosexual ... you're a riot. I bet all of your friends fill your bedsit on a nightly basis.

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dai4u-twonko@reddit (OP)

Are you merrrican?😄

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melijoray@reddit

I saw a youth in a hood and bandana across his face fall off his electric bike and look round to see if anyone saw.

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dai4u-twonko@reddit (OP)

Should've asked him how his flight was

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Specific_Koala_2042@reddit

Many years ago, I bought a large turkey from Tesco at Christmas. It was packed into a new Tesco plastic bag. When I got home, I picked up the bag, by the handles. The handles, and the sides of the bag came with me. The bottom of the bag, and the turkey, stayed on the floor of the car!

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IronDuke365@reddit

The movie The Iron Mask is definitely funny by accident. On now on Legand.

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