Is it weird that my mate who's 20 is talking to and friends with a 15 year old girl?

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xthrowawayaccxx@reddit

Definitely weird. What does a 20 year old lad get out of talking to a 15 year old girl? The fact that the girls mum has seen him is so so so alarming.

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throwawaypokemans@reddit

AHH takes me back to 1998 when in year 9 girls were being picked up by thier "boyfriends" in hatchback cars. Thinking about it now it's proper fucking dodgy.

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geeered@reddit

90s teenager as well - some of the girls in my year were definitely 'pursuing' the older guys too. I just presumed it was an Essex thing, where it seemed a lot more common than where I'd lived before. I'm pretty sure some of them had more relationship experience than the guys they were seeing/after too!

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EdmundTheInsulter@reddit

In 1982 there were 15 year olds dating teachers.

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amyamyamyyyyy@reddit

And in 2003

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SofaKingWeak@reddit

Check his hard drive…..

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3V3RT0N@reddit

> and I think they plan to be in a relationship I think you already know the answer. What does a 20 year old get out of talking to someone that's still at school?

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starfallpuller@reddit

Cause they’re fit

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NaglyPins@reddit

Points for honesty I guess

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iizzyy_x@reddit

that’s very very strange

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BuzzAllWin@reddit

I would qualify this with unless you share some kind of interest or hobby. E.g you rock climb together. But alot of one on one time…. Thats weird

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spaceshipcommander@reddit

That's called grooming

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Low-Can7370@reddit

Exactly. This is grooming for when he won’t be convicted as a sex offender. She is a child. He is an adult and presumably has enough brain cells to wait a few months so he doesn’t get convicted for sexual assault of a minor (unable to give consent)

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Id1ing@reddit

Yeah, unless they are related or it's one of those family friends who you've known since they were tiny it's fucking weird.

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kickedoutatone@reddit

I wouldn't say 5 years difference is that weird. A lot of my friends growing up were about 5 years older than me, both male and female. They might just have similar interests and find it easy to talk to each other. That's usually how friendships work.

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JanisIansChestHair@reddit

You’re skipping over the part where this is a 15yr old and 20yr old. They have nothing in common, and he’s a groomer.

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Id1ing@reddit

5 years once you're an adult isn't weird, no. But 20 and 15 is, you're in entirely different stages of life.

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Midniteman86@reddit

This. "How was work?" Vs "How was school?" Wtf?

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f3ydr4uth4@reddit

Accidentally Norfolk

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jaymatthewbee@reddit

Does he drive a Corsa?

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Persia77@reddit (OP)

No actually, he has a moped. He thinks he's a roadman despite being from Somerset

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yokuatsu@reddit

do these 'roadman' eejits actually get girls?

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AndyVale@reddit

I used to work at a leisure centre where we had an U18s ice rink disco every few weeks. They were popular with 13-15 year olds. Our car park usually had a few of the roadmen's 2004 equivalents hanging out in their modded Corsas and chatting up the girls as they came out.

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stoneytangawizii@reddit

Yes, but not the calibre of girl you would actually want as a wife.

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Old_Distance8430@reddit

Life's not fair. But yeah even crack and heroin addicts missing teeth get more girls than the average redditor.

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JonRoberts87@reddit

Seems like it, as long as they are 15 years old

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Jezdak@reddit

Only 15 year olds by the sound of it.

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Unusual_residue@reddit

Must be Bridgwater

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JanisIansChestHair@reddit

Do all the 20yr olds that like kids live in Somerset? I was with a 21yr old from there at 15. At the time I thought nothing was wrong, but looking back as a 30yr old, it’s so very wrong. Please do say something, either to stop your friend from doing something illegal, or to save this girl from later trauma.

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mirrormap74@reddit

That is the modern day Corsa

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Thygl@reddit

Honestly most of these roadman idiots are noncey and generally just weirdos when it comes to interacting with girls

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Douglesfield_@reddit

OP this is critical information.

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DoIKnowYouHuman@reddit

If not a Corsa can we all just assume it’s a Nova?

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thetommyfilthee@reddit

You'd struggle to find a running Nova these days.

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minisrugbycoach@reddit

The Nova is now more likely to be seen at a classic or retro car meet now. The price they now fetch is enough to keep the kids away.

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LucyLastic666@reddit

Yes. It's not illegal, but it is predatory.

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DrChivu@reddit

Is he bald and worried about “losing his job”

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langman17@reddit

Now I’m panicking

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_98_98_@reddit

Thanks for that.. Ruined my holiday!

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_98_98_@reddit

I can hear this comment

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Midniteman86@reddit

They all are

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popeoldham@reddit

Absolutely yes

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phantasm-blue@reddit

is it weird your friend is a borderline pedo? jeez i don’t know ….. 🤦‍♀️

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mrsbeeflady@reddit

20=Adult 15=Minor Tell him back off

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dinkidoo7693@reddit

Yeah that is weird

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neolabaque@reddit

The "rule" is clear: n/2 +7

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EdmundTheInsulter@reddit

It's ok if it remains chaste until she attains age 16.

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RaspberryWonderful16@reddit

Well id love to see what her parents have to say about it

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Persia77@reddit (OP)

her mum actually knows theyre friends

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ThrowawayHouse2022@reddit

What happened after? How did your friend and her meet?

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Difficult-Coyote4582@reddit

How can she tell his vibe by driving past him.

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long_legged_twat@reddit

It is a bit weird.. Back in the day a mate mine was talking about his new girlfriend, he mentioned she was 15, he was about 25.... That was an awkward conversation.

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usernamesforsuckers@reddit

There's a word for that. I can't quite remember it. Rhymes with broom I think.

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coopertron5000@reddit

Mushroom?

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smushs88@reddit

I’m getting the word….

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CliffyGiro@reddit

Sounds like grooming to me.

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Clear-Alternative-57@reddit

I'm actually not sure that "grooming" is an offence, can you point me towards it? The offence would be meeting a child for sex following grooming and *for sex* is the operative word here. OP has specifically said that isn't happening so no offence is made out and it's certainly not illegal to be friends with a 15 year old, whatever your age.

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ampmz@reddit

[legislation gov link](https://www.legislation.gov.uk/ukpga/2003/42/section/15)

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Clear-Alternative-57@reddit

This agrees exactly with what I said, thank you. Grooming alone isn't an offence.

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Twisted_paperclips@reddit

And that's the thing that a post on Reddit cannot show the presence of, not the absence of. The intention of a sexual act. Only the subject of the op's post can show this. Whether the activity takes place or not, is irrelevant thankfully. So long as the intention for sexual activity is there on the part of the offender, it is also irrelevant if the person being met is aware of the intent. It only requires a single message prior to the meeting, although more messages is evidentially a better position. It could be as simple as "hey, you look really nice in that outfit - can I see you at x place at x time?" And the person sending that message actually attends (even if the recipient doesn't) then technically, the offence could be made out. Whether it would get prosecuted successfully however is another matter. The content of the messages is the key part. If they are discussing getting intimate in the future, it's made out. So long as you can show the meaning of the word intimate. It doesn't have to be overtly sexual, but if from context the communication is clearly intended to be sexual (for example using innocent words in place of body parts, the word "daddy", "little one", do you like to do things by yourself 🫢) then the offence is made out. In reality, it's a far more nuanced set of offences.

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Clear-Alternative-57@reddit

I completely agree. My principal point was that grooming alone wasn't an offence. I also think people are getting distracted by the weird behaviour. Reading OPs post the only mention of intimacy is a reference to it definitely not happening and the only mention of a relationship is OP thinking it will happen. I'm not saying it's definitely not, and I hope I've made that clear. But OPs friend hasn't done anything criminal as far as we know and it could genuinely all be innocent.

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Ok-Bag3000@reddit

Grooming is 100% an offence.

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Clear-Alternative-57@reddit

Can you point me to the legislation please?

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Ok-Bag3000@reddit

I mean, you could have Googled it quicker than your response to my comment...... https://www.met.police.uk/advice/advice-and-information/gr/grooming/#:~:text=Grooming%20is%20an%20offence.,groomed%2C%20you%20should%20tell%20someone. There you go you lazy bastard.

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Clear-Alternative-57@reddit

But the offence is meeting for sexual activity following grooming. Grooming alone isn't an offence, that article is simplifying it for easier consumption. Luckily all our laws are enshrined in legislation, the reason I asked you to provide the "legislation" which states that grooming alone is an offence is because I already know you can't and I was politely pointing that out to you. Grooming only becomes an offence in this context if you meet for sex following it. Sexual communication is a separate but relevant for this conversation offence. OP specifically mentioned neither are happening, therefore no offence is made out. Didn't even provide the legislation requested, you lazy bastard.

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-WilliamMButtlicker_@reddit

What a mad argument to pick.

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Clear-Alternative-57@reddit

Why? When it comes to the law and allegations it seems important to me to be specific and not plainly state things that are false. OP specifically mentioned there is no intimacy. No offence is made out. Weird behaviour is not illegal. Should an adult in her life be made aware, perhaps a safeguarding officer at her school, yes. Will the police arrest the guy, no. The original comment said explicitly what he is doing is illegal, it's not.

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homealoneinuk@reddit

Dont worry about the downvotes. You are in the right. Difference is they are being guided by their moral compas instead of letter of the law (which should, but is not the same).

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Clear-Alternative-57@reddit

My principal concern is actually that OP is being told his friend is committing an offence, which they're not. The fall out from that could be extremely far reaching. If OP suspected an offence, this would be different. But even the idea of them getting together is OPs opinion and the friend hasn't said anything. I know what he's doing is weird from the sounds of it, but they could genuinely be friends.

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Craigothy-YeOldeLord@reddit

You can be groomed for a good university, the actual act of grooming someone isn't illegal, its why and how you groom them that is illegal

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Valuable-Wallaby-167@reddit

>The offence would be meeting a child for sex following grooming and *for sex* is the operative phrase here. Doesn't have to be for sex. If he's had any kind of sexual conversation with her at all that would be enough for him to potentially face 2 years in prison and go on the sex offenders register.

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Clear-Alternative-57@reddit

Yeah I was referring to the use of the term grooming, as far as I know the offence I mentioned is the only one that does. Grooming alone isn't an offence and actually, although it's not used in this way so much, hasn't always had sexual connotations. The offence you're referring to OP has specifically also mentioned isn't happening. Weird behaviour or not, I don't think it's good practice to assume criminal behaviour with zero evidence.

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Valuable-Wallaby-167@reddit

>Yeah I was referring to the use of the term grooming As was I. >Yeah I was referring to the use of the term grooming, as far as I know the offence I mentioned is the only one that does. And it refers to sexual activity, not just sex. >The offence you're referring to OP has specifically also mentioned isn't happening. That we know of. They're talking about getting together in the future, it's unlikely their conversation hasn't got at all sexual at any point.

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Clear-Alternative-57@reddit

>As was I. Well I apologise, the offence you're referring to doesn't mention grooming a single time in the legislation. The point I was making was that "grooming" isn't illegal, unless you meet with intentions of sexual activity following it. >And it refers to sexual activity, not just sex. You're right, I was simplifying it, again apologies. >That we know of. They're talking about getting together in the future, it's unlikely their conversation hasn't got at all sexual at any point. If you want to throw out these accusations with no evidence, that's on you. Personally I feel that doing so muddies the water and can have life-changing consequences on those involved, including a potentially(and in this case clearly stated to be) innocent accused and the potential victim.

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Valuable-Wallaby-167@reddit

>If you want to throw out these accusations with no evidence, that's on you. Discussing the likelihood of something happening in an anonymous conversation on Reddit is not "throwing out accusations". That's a ridiculous attitude to have. Child protection involves a certain amount of proactivity. It involves recording things that are causes for concern and keeping an eye out to see if anything happens. It's rare that a child comes forward with an actual disclosure. If people took your attitude of refusing to consider that a situation could be harmful to a child until there is hard evidence then there'd be even more children in abusive situations than there are.

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Clear-Alternative-57@reddit

>Discussing the likelihood of something happening in an anonymous conversation on Reddit is not "throwing out accusations". That's a ridiculous attitude to have. Except you're not are you. You're telling OP that his friend is committing a crime, you don't know what OP will do with that false information and the consequences that follow. >Child protection involves a certain amount of proactivity. It involves recording things that are causes for concern and keeping an eye out to see if anything happens. Completely agree. However as I initially stated and was pushing back on was the assertion that any offence had been committed. OPs post actually specifically rules out criminal activity, and they're more abreast of the situation than you or me.

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Valuable-Wallaby-167@reddit

>Except you're not are you. You're telling OP that his friend is committing a crime No I haven't. Don't make things up to try and win an argument. I pointed out to you that they can commit offences without having had sex with her & I said that considering the circumstances of them discussing dating it is likely that the conversation has got sexual. I didn't say that he had done anything, I pointed a likelihood based on normal human interaction.

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Clear-Alternative-57@reddit

>No I haven't. Don't make things up to try and win an argument. Okay we can get absorbed into the pedantry if you want. You're defending the original comment to this thread specifically stating that OP has committed an offence. You have also gone on to say it's highly likely they're talking about sex, again complete conjecture. Grooming isn't an offence, meeting for sexual activity following is. Sexual communication is an offence which doesn't mention grooming once because it's not a requirement of the offence. OP specifically mentioned NEITHER is happening.

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ErrrorWayz1@reddit

Nope a the person above said... it has to be with the intention of illiciting a sexual response. If any conversation about sex with under 16 bamned parents couldn't have a "birds bees" talk with an under 15 and schools couldn't teach PSE

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Valuable-Wallaby-167@reddit

>If any conversation about sex with under 16 was banned I said "sexual conversation" not conversation about sex.

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minimalisticgem@reddit

I’m 18 and wouldn’t date a 15 year old if that helps

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Midniteman86@reddit

I should hope not.

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usernamesforsuckers@reddit

Yeah I remember being 20 and I worked with a girl who had a crush on me. Drop dead gorgeous, but she was 17. Felt dodgy.

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GRAWRGER@reddit

its more than weird and you know it, based on your assessment that you are "kinda saving his social reputation by not mentioning this to people". you know that if you did, it would reflect poorly on him because its wrong.

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Coraldiamond192@reddit

Exactly, if you have to keep it private it’s probably wrong. Even when she turns 18 which is 3 years away that would be classed as grooming. Plus he would then be 23.

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alsarcastic@reddit

16 is the age of consent. Not excusing his actions.

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Persia77@reddit (OP)

nah it's defo weird as hell i know, but i'm just trying to understand how weird it is

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Midniteman86@reddit

Trying to give benefit of doubt because he is a friend. I hear it but nah, it's noncey.

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porkmarkets@reddit

It’s not just weird mate it’s proper noncey. Let’s say your mate waits til she’s 16, then what?

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rav4nwhore@reddit

Extremely

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Rowanx3@reddit

Very. He’s a pedo

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DoIKnowYouHuman@reddit

It’s all of he weirds mate, assuming it’s all as you have stated. If it’s not all as you have described then it’s even weirder

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ThrowawayHouse2022@reddit

How did they meet?

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Monkeyboogaloo@reddit

Half your age plus 7 is the rule of thumb when you are younger. So 20 year old and a 15 year old is outside that, which is why it feels wrong.

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Bored_Breadless@reddit

If he was talking to a 17 year old it would be dodgy as well

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starfallpuller@reddit

Why…?

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Bored_Breadless@reddit

Just doesn’t really sit right

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starfallpuller@reddit

What do you mean? How is a 17 yr old any different from a 20 yr old? They’re both grown up, why would this be an issue for anyone in the real world?

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Bored_Breadless@reddit

One is an adult I guess, I never said that I’m the arbiter of these things just that I would think it’s a bit dodgy

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whyte_wytch@reddit

Well put it this way, if I was my 15 year old daughter I'd be getting myself a pair of round and wrinkly earrings

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DeltaRomeo882@reddit

It’s not illegal to be friends. As long as they wait until she’s 16 then there’s no real problem. Your friend is still very young at only 20 too. If it goes the distance in ten years time she’ll be 25 and he’ll be 30 and no one will bat an eyelid.

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GruffScottishGuy@reddit

Befriending a minor with the intention of having sex with them when they reach legal age is grooming. Also, the difference between a 15 year old and a 20 year old in terms of maturity, life experience and overall awareness is massive. Nobody would bat an eyelid if they were 25 and 30 because that's fine, 15 and 20 isn't.

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panopoly4@reddit

Grooming

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thetruesaxon@reddit

Thank you for ruining my holiday

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Blind_Warthog@reddit

Yes it’s fucking weird.

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homealoneinuk@reddit

Its a bit dodgy but not illegal.

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starfallpuller@reddit

I don’t think it’s that weird. It’s probably more common than you think. When me and my friends were in early 20s we had relationships with younger girls. We competed to see who could pull the youngest girl. Aside from a pregnancy scare nothing bad came of any of these relationships. It was all pretty chill.

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Persia77@reddit (OP)

😳

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TheTrueBobsonDugnutt@reddit

It's legal (if a bit weird, in my opinion) for them to be friends. Given that you think "they plan to be in a relationship sometime in the future" it sounds very much like grooming.

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WowThisIsAwkward_@reddit

I befriended guys who were in their 20s (and older) when I was in my early teens. It was *always* with sexual intentions. When I was 16/17 they started making more and more explicitly sexual comments. One of them before I was 16 “jokingly” told me he liked the way I sighed or yawned. Never trust an adult man’s supposed “friendship” with an underage girl. (And to all the “bUt WhAt iF tHe gEnDeRs wErE rEvErSeD?!?!?” crowd, I am a 21 year old woman and couldn’t fathom trying to befriend a child. Heck, even 18 year olds seem like kids to me)

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Possiblyasmoker@reddit

Took me longer than it should have, to find the grooming comment

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DemmickyOne@reddit

I'm getting the word.......

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Amazing_Chocolate140@reddit

Ponce? Sconce?

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BppnfvbanyOnxre@reddit

As my kids explained to me after my divorce the rule is 1/2 your age + 7. Given that he's 20, she's 15 it is pretty ruddy dodgy.

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myrealnameisnotjack@reddit

That’s on the assumption both parties adults tho, when one of them is legally a child you don’t need to bother with the maths to know it’s fucked

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JakeTheJabroni@reddit

Does he drive a Corsa...?

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Amazing_Chocolate140@reddit

gotta be a Seat Leon

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girlenger@reddit

Yes it’s weird. Tell him it isn’t appropriate. It’s an imbalanced ‘friendship’ and could definitely be seen as grooming.

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Midniteman86@reddit

Tell him nothing. Friendship done.

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Dull_Half_6107@reddit

You’re asking if it’s legal to be friends with a child when you’re an adult? Obviously yes. Is it weird though? Yeah it’s weird.

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GlitchingGecko@reddit

Of course it's legal. They're friends.

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DidntMeanToLoadThat@reddit

realistically even at 15 the there's going to be very limited chance anything is brought to trail.  still creepy though

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Darkone539@reddit

What's the actual context? Random girl, related via x or y? Going to need more...

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perro_abandonado@reddit

What on earth would a 20 year old man want to be mates with a 15 year old girl for? I know it’s only 5 years difference but my god that’s a big jump at that age. So im leaning towards he’s after something inappropriate. I mean it is already. A 20 year old lad being “close” with a 15 year old girl just sets alarm bells ringing. Call him out and tell it how it is. You know it’s wrong because you’ve come here and made this post.

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mikolv2@reddit

Sounds like grooming, that typically starts with just being friendly and slowly raming it up. Normal adults don't become friends with random kids, I mean maybe if they worked together but even then, that would be if they were 16/17, not still a year from finishing school.

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LittleGingerLulu@reddit

Are you sure that you mean slowly raming it up?! Or do you mean ramping it up 😄

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mikolv2@reddit

Yes

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ErrrorWayz1@reddit

Unfortunately typo of the day

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SpecialistAge8862@reddit

I’m dying 😂😂

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yajtraus@reddit

Agree with most of the other comments here that it seems very strange. What’s important though - how do they know each other? How long have they been friends? If they’ve suddenly become friends now it’s weird. If they’ve been friends for years through relatives/mutual friends, it’s less weird.

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mrsmae2114@reddit

But it is already wrong because if they are planning to date in the future, it's close to being intimate, and they've talked about expanding into a romantic or sexual realm, that's textbook grooming.

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Midniteman86@reddit

And how long in the future are they planning? How long before he says "I know it's wrong but..." FFS. My bloods boiling now

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quittoexit1@reddit

You just made up some stuff

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Elegant_Violinist151@reddit

If hes not wrong why are you protecting him by not telling anyone

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Haiderfromtheblock@reddit

Call 999

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SpecialistUnderpants@reddit

You know it’s weird. If he’s your mate, have a word with him before he ends up on one of those noncecatcher Facebook pages

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two_beards@reddit

Sounds like grooming.

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deleted_by_reddit@reddit

[removed]

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JennyW93@reddit

(I’m being serious. This sort of behaviour only continues because people around them let them get away with it. You can play a very big role in protecting the *child* that he is talking to)

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AkihabaraWasteland@reddit

Does he play for Sunderland?

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JanisIansChestHair@reddit

This is called “your mate’s a groomer”.

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Prolapse94@reddit

Yeah it's weird, yeah you should tell him that it's weird

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tunapurse@reddit

the fact you have to ask this is pathetic, if it were me i wouldve give his head a wobble as soon as i found out

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magical_matey@reddit

It is weird to have a friend 5 years younger than you if the ages are 15/20. Talking isn’t illegal though. If it’s your mate, I’d try talking to them instead of asking Redditors a leading question! Do that then update your post

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JimGrimace@reddit

Major Red Flag!!!! Tell your Friend to end that Friendship or you will end your Friendship with them, no Man in his 20s should be Socialising with 15yr old Girls, if they do they definitely aren't talking about shit 15yr olds talk about. My advice is tell your Pal to "stop grooming kids" and if he takes offence to it explain to him that is the Vibe he's throwing out by Socialising with Children.

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trjayke@reddit

If they aren't doing anything wrong , just mind your business.

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tunapurse@reddit

im getting the word ...

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Exact_Setting9562@reddit

I mean it's OK to talk to under age people but yeah nothing dodgy. A few years back absolutely no eyebrows would have been raised. Weird eh ?

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MildyAnnoyedPanda@reddit

Yes he is grooming her. Either consciously or subconsciously

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TechnicalAd896@reddit

Nooooooonce.

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NopeNopeNope2001@reddit

He's possibly a pedophile and is grooming her.

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PoliticsNerd76@reddit

You shouldn’t be mates with pedos. I’ve dropped friends over shit like this.

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Exotic_Raspberry_387@reddit

If you're asking, then you know the answer. It's dodgy af. You need to call that shit out

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miggleb@reddit

Grooming

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Grand-Bullfrog3861@reddit

... he's a pedo? You really going to be friends with a pedo?

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Sea_Ad5614@reddit

Erm yes lol

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SpilledYoghurt@reddit

Dodgy bloke mate.

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falcon601@reddit

Depends what she looks like

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LagJUK@reddit

Does everyone here live in a parallel universe? No, making friends outside of your age group is not illegal lol

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emls1994@reddit

Dude's a creep. Clearly can't bag someone of his age or above, or regardless seeks underage girls.

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bedlam90@reddit

Noncey bastard

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DrChivu@reddit

NonceyMcNonceFace

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Eoin_McLove@reddit

I doubt it's illegal, but definitely not a good look.

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Special_bavon@reddit

Big red flag.

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MattSR30@reddit

Of course it’s wrong, and you know it is.

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Coconutpieplates@reddit

Gross. And a friend of a groomer is nearly as slimey as the groomer imo. Especially if they are creeped out, but protect their friend's secret. 5 years is a small gap, but 15 is a child, and 20 is too grown to be lurking around children on a moped.

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Ok_Word_7570@reddit

Yes, grooming is weird

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non-hyphenated_@reddit

"Friend"

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justjokecomments@reddit

Aww groom friend 👍👍

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ZuckDeBalzac@reddit

When I was 15 I used to talk to this girl online who was 19 and we ended up getting married. Yes it might come across as predatory/weird but only he knows what's going on and what his intentions are.

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TungstenHexachloride@reddit

Noncy. IIRC talking to minors online knowing their age can classify as grooming full stop. Yeah its pretty weird if you ask me.

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VolcanicBoar@reddit

Ew.

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yokuatsu@reddit

pretty weird ngl, but tbh that has happened a million times before and will happen a million times again. It's not illegal, just noncey

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Thygl@reddit

*Inbetweeners Voice* I dunno, I think that's a bit dodgy mate

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AutoModerator@reddit

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