Cheating partner refuses to leave home, can I do anything?

Posted by IllustriousDrop2276@reddit | AskUK | View on Reddit | 332 comments

This week my (now ex) dropped the bombshell that she's been having an affair. After saying that she would move out at the weekend she's now saying that because we own the property jointly she will stay here "for at least a couple of months" while I buy her out. Is there anything I can do in this situation? I'm suspecting not but my mental health is in bits and I can't cope with being around her. We have children if that makes any difference.

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Top-Sheepherder2350@reddit

Would be wiser to talk through it with your wife. Adultery can happen with man and woman, but once the offender admit his or her wrongdoings, apology, AND truly repent; then both should make all effort to maintain the family especially with children as blessings and your loved ones. Divorce is not necessarily the answer if one truly apology and repent of the wrongdoings. In your case, she need to apologize and repent from her wrongdoings. And you also need to forgive her. Remember, nobody born perfect but one can learn life lesson through good and bad experience. If all effort fails, consult your religion leaders (assuming two of you have same faith) and explain whole store in detail and honestly. It is not easy but hopefully the two of you forgive one and another, back to your first love when the two of you dating till get married, and remember your children.

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KindnessAndGrace@reddit

So sorry that you're going through this, but you're about to go on a journey of self-discipline, the reward is a strength of self and the continued admiration of your kids for being the bigger person, the price is gonna be you are gonna want to say and do vindictive things, and you totally cannot do them. Be patient and the rewards will come, as will the validation that her betrayal will cost her more than she bargained for. Hold your head high and keep busy with your focus on the kids first and foremost. They are going to go through some tough times because of this too. Book yourself into therapy because this is big stuff and nobody has likely taught you how to cope with something like this, because it doesn't happen every day, therapy is more like a class on being your best self than anything else. Finally, when it's all about to break inside you, remember to breathe. It will be better. Do it for the kids and do it for you too. Best wishes friend.

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sleepingismytalent65@reddit

You are very kind and graceful :) this is such excellent advice. I really could do with a friend like you!

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KindnessAndGrace@reddit

I'll be your friend. How are you going?

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sleepingismytalent65@reddit

Can I answer that in a DM please?

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KindnessAndGrace@reddit

Sure

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sleepingismytalent65@reddit

Thanks. Gimme a minute, it's my cats treat time lol.

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Ienjoythesilence@reddit

By the way, I peeped on your profile and your cats are gorgeous

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sleepingismytalent65@reddit

Aaaaw thank you so much! Olive is busy kneading a soft blanket while Ziggy is staring at me trying to convince me it's 9pm already 🙃

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Ienjoythesilence@reddit

I have two too and you would think I starve them they way they scream at me when they want early feeding time.

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sleepingismytalent65@reddit

Ha! They know I don't do early feeding because I'm usually awake all night but at 9pm I hide treats around the house for some nocturnal "hunting" lol. I'm always trying to find ways to enrich their days - total crazy cat lady!

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haikoup@reddit

Book yourself into therapy? This is England. Prepare to be waiting so long your kids will be married.

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qjk91@reddit

They didn't say on the NHS

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haikoup@reddit

Even outside of NHS the somewhat affordable ones gave huge waiting lists.

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Throwaway_8603@reddit

Simply not true.

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InstructionKitchen94@reddit

Yes True. Cheapest I was quoted 35 an hour.

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Throwaway_8603@reddit

That is cheap I'm afraid – very rare to find a (non-student) therapist for less than that.

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InstructionKitchen94@reddit

So it is true? Not many people can afford 45 am hour nowadays.

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Throwaway_8603@reddit

It's not. The conversation isn't about what most people can afford, it's about waiting lists? OP said "somewhat affordable" ones have huge waiting lists, which isn't true as a generalisation if they are referring to the cheapest private therapists (£40-50 per hour). If they're referring to cheaper trainee therapists, then they're even less likely to encounter a waiting list. The cost may be a barrier to many people accessing private therapy, but waiting lists aren't a huge problem.

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Warm_Improvement_320@reddit

Is there such a thing on the NHS? Thought it was just a case of white coats lol!

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cautiouslifeguard1@reddit

That's why you pay for it. NHS isn't relevant in this case here. This man doesn't just need generic CBT over the phone. He needs someone who's dealt with others in this situation before

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benthebass@reddit

This is the advice you need, having been through the same and come out the other side. Bury the hate and manage the anger -there is better time ahead for you and your family.

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flux-7@reddit

Bury the hate and manage the anger. I needed to hear this for my own similar situation. Thank you

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Dogeloaff@reddit

Anger leads to hate.

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radellaf@reddit

Hatred leads to suffering.

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Majestic-Relation-31@reddit

Yoda man!

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jobblejosh@reddit

Getting angry at someone is satisfying in the short term, but you'll probably say something you regret later. There's no problem (generally) that can't be solved by waiting ten minutes and collecting your thoughts, considering your response. Particularly emotive issues might warrant an overnight or longer response. What's important is that you don't bury the anger. Anger is a useful feeling that lets us know something's not right, and if you bury it for too long it comes out as resentment or depression. You need to acknowledge it, deal with it (and everyone deals with it in different ways. Mine is through playing the piano), and allow it to pass through you and over you, until you emerge with clarity at the other end. It's natural to be angry, apoplectic even at this kind of event. But in the long run, staying angry will only make you worse off as everyone else goes through the healing process.

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LadyMeggo0411@reddit

This is such beautiful advice! You fucking nailed it

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TalkingAbsoluteShite@reddit

This may be lazy I know as it's probably easily googleable but when people say "get therapy", is it easy to look up and find? What websites or apps are there to help you find therapy, if any? Also, what's the usual cost per hour with these things?

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MissSephy@reddit

For the UK I would recommend using the BACP register to make sure your counsellor/therapist meets basic competency standards, adheres to a code of ethics and completes regular training as part of their registration. https://www.bacp.co.uk/search/Register Source: I am a trainee counsellor.

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Warm_Improvement_320@reddit

I wish you every success in your training. Good luck!

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DoKtor2quid@reddit

Or UKCP, which is kind of the next level up. Just as long as they are accountable to a Code of Practice and ethics. (Source, have a few psychotherapy qualifications amongst other therapeutic certs, and partner is a Dr of psychology).

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thecatisincharge@reddit

As other posters wrote, UKCP, BACP etc or you can google local mental health charities and organisations. Private you could be looking at anywhere from £30-100+ per session depending on area and experience of the counsellor. If you can find a local charity or organisation, they usually have sliding scales for fees (I work with one who offer them for £10, £20 or £30 per session). You could try looking for somewhere that offers sessions with student counsellors, they need the experience/hours to pass and the fees are usually reduced to reflect this. There are usually different local groups offering mental health support through group work/sessions and meet ups. For men, there is Andy Man’s club, they offer face to face & online support & I believe they are national or getting there. Source: qualified counsellor

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Armodeen@reddit

Simply google your local nhs therapy self referral pathway. A lot of work has been done on the waiting times since the post covid spike, so sometimes you can get seen fairly quickly.

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reiveroftheborder@reddit

This is it in a nutshell. As someone who's parents went through a very messy divorce, my father behaved with far more dignity than my mother. She was the one that had an affair with her boss and thought she could keep the house, us kids etc while my father would just shrink away. In the long run she paid a heavy price and to some extent is still paying that price today. I appreciate that your situation is extremely painful and upsetting and that it's all easier said than done but try your best and use any support networks you can to see you through this.

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Warm_Improvement_320@reddit

Excellent post reiver. Karma has a tendency to bite the offender on the arse, lol!

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benhanLUFC@reddit

OP - read this everyday until that vile woman is gone and/or until you're happy

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Devon_Throwaway@reddit

This is absolutely incredible advice. And not just for the OPs situation, but for many difficulties in life generally. You're a great person!

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Das_Gruber@reddit

Username checks out.

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Qyro@reddit

Okay, but what about the question he’s asking about? Their living arrangements?

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633597@reddit

Hello Mr chatGP

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KindnessAndGrace@reddit

Real people can be nice too.

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Milky_Finger@reddit

If he does this and she starts trying to concoct a way to get a slice of your pie thereafter, then you know you're doing the right thing for yourself and should keep strong. A cheating partner watching the other person take measures to better themselves and flourish as a result, leaves the other person feeling so guilty that they try and lash out as a way to cope with that guilt. Not like a "You made me cheat", but more of a "I am aware that I was holding you back and I am not ready to accept how bad of a person I am in every facet of my existence"

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inspired-to-adapt@reddit

Can confirm this advice is spot on. It’s the hardest thing you will ever do. Go as ‘grey rock’ as you can while you move through this process. I promise it will get better. I have been there and my life now is unrecognisable. Good luck and remember parenting is a long game. Build a future with and for your kids and you.

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jbkb1972@reddit

I was about to say to the OP teach her a lesson by doing the same in front of her, but your advice is the course to take, I’m sorry for you OP and your kids, listen to this persons advice. Hope you and your kids find happier times, good luck.

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postvolta@reddit

Therapy was the best thing I ever did for myself. It's like a personal trainer for your brain. Helped me to understand your emotions and live alongside them rather than be a slave to them. Did 6 months of in person CBT with a local private therapist. Highly recommend for those that want to do it.

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flux-7@reddit

I wish I could give you 🥇 still This is inspiring advice

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Queefofthenight@reddit

Therapy is worth it's weight in gold at this point. I'm sorry you're going through this, it will really help to talk to an impartial person who can help straighten out your mind at this stage.

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opopkl@reddit

It will take time but you'll come out the other end a better and stronger person if you follow the above advice.

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jonsey_j@reddit

Please follow this advice, even during the toughest times. As a child of divorce, your children will pick up on the tension, bitterness,s pite, anger, frustration from both of you and will feel very confused and vulnerable. Being there for them is what matters. Using kids a pawn in the divorce is a no no. Give yourself a break at times as it will be challenging. Good luck, your Reddit family are here to support you.

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sadcrone@reddit

Excellent advice.

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Ashwinlol@reddit

Well written post, username definitely checks out

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Maxentius777@reddit

Listen to this person.

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Actual-Butterfly2350@reddit

OP, as you have children and she can not afford the property on her own, I highly recommend you do not leave and that you get some cameras installed to protect yourself. There are loads of posts on other subs about partners who have cheated but can not afford to buy their other half out and have resorted to making false accusations of abuse to get them out and keep the home and children. I've known this to happen to someone personally who was arrested for coercive control and kicked out of the property. It was a nightmare. Your best bet, as hard as it will be, is to try and keep things as nice as possible for the children's sake, and yours in the long run. I'm so sorry this has happened to you. It is a devastating situation to be in. I know it is cliche, but time is a great healer. Take comfort in your friends and family. Things will be ok.

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TwizzyGobbler@reddit

>There are loads of posts on other subs about partners who have cheated but can not afford to buy their other half out and have resorted to making false accusations of abuse to get them out and keep the home and children. I've known this to happen to someone personally who was arrested for coercive control and kicked out of the property. It was a nightmare. My mind went to this when I read the post, but I thought "nah that probably doesn't happen, maybe it's just in my head" but to hear it does, darn. Did the person you know end up getting their house back?

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Actual-Butterfly2350@reddit

No! He forced a sale eventually, but it took several years. I wouldn't have believed it could happen if I didn't see it for myself. The accusations were outlandish, to say the least. Still, he was arrested, bailed, and that went on for 10 *months* while the police 'gathered evidence'. Eventually, they dropped it, but my friend was suicidal for quite some time. He was stopped from seeing his children as well as losing his home after she had the affair. Absolutely horrendous.

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TwizzyGobbler@reddit

fucking hell man.

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uchman365@reddit

You friend was "lucky" they eventually got something at least. My work colleague just offed himself after over 3 years of battling the worst kinds of allegations imaginable. Funeral was just last week.

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Warm_Improvement_320@reddit

I feel for you mate!

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Ambitious_Rent_3282@reddit

Is there any way you could reconcile?

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JJMPJ98@reddit

Personally I would pack her bags chuck her out myself

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JohnR2299@reddit

Move out yourself

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illarionds@reddit

She is (part) owner of the property. Her cheating, or indeed your relationship, has no bearing on that. She has the legal right to live in her property, just as you do. I sympathise, it's a horrible position for you to be in - but no, you have no right to force her to leave, any more than she can force you to leave.

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yerMawsOnFurlough_@reddit

do … not … leave .. that … house ! under any circumstances . do not let her make YOU be the one to leave

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energeticelliot@reddit

Yeah your fucked bro

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Opposite_Dog8525@reddit

Shit situation but no cheating isn't against the law. Get a lock on your door. Record conversations, don't shag her She's cheated, lying about you being an abuser isn't a big leap Don't move out. She could move new man in and you'd need a court order to sell

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Additional_Cow_1267@reddit

Go out on the pull every weekend, bring em back and make them scream!!!!!

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lady-peace@reddit

All the people stating you must remain civil are too good or lying IMO. More details are needed e.g. : Is she still with that same person or was it one off? Was it romantic? what happens when she brings him home? If she is with the same, yes, then she not only cheated on you, she basically set up another relationship and once that was stable enough, found a legal advice to screw you; if it was one off or more NSA/Carnal then IMO is far lighter If it is shared, can you both agree to sell? E.g. you won't accept living together and she won't accept leaving, so sell and move?

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JLB_cleanshirt@reddit

How do you not bury the anger though? My gf is going to be able to come back to the house once she is sentenced probably because the restraining order on her will then be over. I have asked them to apply a new restraining order on her but apparently whether this will be in place or not is up to the court and so I won't find out until sentencing happens. She is only likely to get a small fine or possibly a few hours of community service. Sometimes when I walk around the house on my own I think about her and then I shout "BITCH" quite loudly even though nobody else is here. Not sure if this is normal!

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TA240224@reddit

I don't know why you're being downvoted for sharing that. Actually I do - you're a man and people dint like to think that a man can be abused and women just get away with it.

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ErrrorWayz1@reddit

Sadly not if you jointly own it no. She has a legal right to be there. You need proper legal advice as there are some complexities here based on how you own the property and whether they’ve registered their beneficial right to dwell if you’re married. I do hope you’re not married because K divorce law is hugely unfair to cheated on spouses.

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BINGGBONGGBINGGBONGG@reddit

i don’t know how old your children are. but they DO NOT need to know the ins and outs of this. the best thing you can do is give a basic explanation *when she is ready to move out* and then that’s all. never badmouth your spouse to your kids. she’s their mother. and like someone else said - therapy! keep a close eye on yourself and ask for help if you need it. this is going to take time to heal from and you need to prioritise your mental health so the kids come out of this with as little information about it as possible. it’s ok to say Daddy is sad. it’s ok to say Mummy is going to live somewhere else but you will still spend time with both of us and we love you more than anything. i split with my daughter’s dad when she was 4. we shared custody and i have never said a bad word to her about her dad. it’s not for her to know or to worry about. he didn’t afford me or her the same respect but i just rose above. it was really, really hard. i come from a very abusive background and i was determined to protect my child from things children don’t need to know about. just, keep on keeping on.

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murtygurty2661@reddit

>they don’t need to know that Mummy cheated on you. Hard disagree but its incredibly age dependent. Also, if someone can cheat on their spouse their spouse they will lie and toss to the side literally anybody else in their lives that matter less than a spouse. The only people who should be above your spouse in terms of importance in your life are your children but if you've shown you'll fuck over anyone else then i wouldnt trust them with my children. Once they are old enough to ask question about the situation you should be telling them the truth. Their mother betrayed them as much as anyone else

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BINGGBONGGBINGGBONGG@reddit

but children don’t need to know about adult relationships. whatever happened, it’s not for them to know about.

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murtygurty2661@reddit

Thats an incredible way to justify lying to your children and patronising them. Those children have one honest parent and one deceitful parent. Lying to them when they know something is wrong (because they arent stupid) just gives them two deceitful parents and its a missed opportunity to teach them something in a health way instead of letting them find out another way that isntnin your control.

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chichasz@reddit

No it’s not, you know nothing of these peoples relationship and suggesting that daddy calls mummy a whore isn’t a good idea.

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murtygurty2661@reddit

Thats putting words in someones mouth if ever ive seen it. Telling your children that their mother cheated and thats why a divorce is happening is a mercy to any child and stop the situation we all to often see of children blaming themselves from happening. Their mother cheated on them as much as she did her husband and they deserve to know and make their own decisions on it especially if they are in or getting near their teenage years. To lie and say its something else is dishonest and the children will know something isnt right

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chichasz@reddit

The kids don’t need to know all that. Lying by omission is the best way to go.

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murtygurty2661@reddit

Lying by omission makes two dishonest parents and children who get anxious about knowing something is wrong but cant tell what.

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ProjectZues@reddit

Not only that but the cheating parent could be lying about the other parent to the kids as well. May as well get ahead of all that nonsense and just be honest in an age appropriate way to help them understand it’s not their fault and like you said to give them at least one honest parent

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murtygurty2661@reddit

Completely ! They have shown they dont care about the family by cheating and when the house is involved they could easily lie to get their version of events out first. >age appropriate This is exactly what the other person wasnt getting. You can tell them what happened in 101 different ways that arent traumatising or aggressive or bad mouthing your soon to be ex partner

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HerbieC026@reddit

I would get some legal advice but in the UK if the property is jointly owned then both parties have equal access rights to inhabit the property and even if she were to leave you would not be allowed to change the locks until you legally had bought her out. As I said, I would engage the services of a solicitor and get the legal processes underway. Try and maintain a communication regarding the children and access etc as best you can. And insist she sleeps in a spare room/ sofa etc. Good luck and I’m sorry you are having to go through this.

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St4ffordGambit_@reddit

No idea. Get a mortgage/loan to buy her out now, or just sell up immediately. A couple of months is just weird. I hope she's on the couch of spare bedroom!

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Pure-Obligation8023@reddit

From seeing so many similar stories I wouldn't be surprised at all if he's the one sleeping on the couch.

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steakpiesupper@reddit

r/LegalAdviceUK is what you need.

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deathmetalbestmetal@reddit

Nonsense. This isn't a situation in which the law has any application whatsoever.

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AyeItsMeToby@reddit

It absolutely is a legal issue, and a complex one at that.

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deathmetalbestmetal@reddit

There's no legal issue here. It's her house. He can't do anything.

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naiadvalkyrie@reddit

It's a joint house they want different things for.... That is a legal issue

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deathmetalbestmetal@reddit

They don't want different things for it. He's buying her out and she wants to stay until that happens. It's her house. Nothing more to be said.

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naiadvalkyrie@reddit

He wants her to leave immedietly, she wants to wait. That's different.

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Pure-Obligation8023@reddit

Yes, that's a conflict between them. But what the above poster is saying is that no legal advice can change the fact that OP has no right to make the other owner leave the property before the house is sold.

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AyeItsMeToby@reddit

They have joint ownership. Their kids are there.

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deathmetalbestmetal@reddit

Yes. Exactly.

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AyeItsMeToby@reddit

Trolling?

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deathmetalbestmetal@reddit

I have absolutely no idea what you're struggling with. They have joint ownership and thus it is her house. There is nothing he can do and no legal advice changes this.

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AyeItsMeToby@reddit

He has ownership of the house just as much as she does. It’s joint ownership, not her ownership. He wants to get her out of the house, which would require a legal mechanism to buy her out. He would need legal advice. This situation is made more complicated by the existence of children.

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deathmetalbestmetal@reddit

Have you read the post at all? He's asking if there is anything he can do *while he's waiting to buy her out*. The answer is no; it's her house. It being jointly owned is irrelevant. The law has nothing to add here.

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p90medic@reddit

Citations needed. What qualifies you to make that assessment? Are you a lawyer? If so you should not be giving anonymous legal advice online.

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deathmetalbestmetal@reddit

If everyone going about their ordinary lives had to consult qualified lawyers and insist on citations for all advice that pertains in some way to what the law does or does not say, we'd be paralysed by inaction. Get a grip.

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p90medic@reddit

So basically you have no idea and you are asserting your layman's understanding of the law as fact. That's not how law works, friend. I'm not asking for a citation on something trivial here, you're literally advising someone not to seek a legal opinion on a complex legal matter. Your "advice" is both unqualified and potentially harmful to OP. At the very least, he should consider having a qualified individual talk him through his options.

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deathmetalbestmetal@reddit

Sorry, I'll need to see your credentials and some citations that this is a 'complex legal matter' before we can continue. After all, how can you know that it's a complex legal matter if you're a layman?

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p90medic@reddit

It is painful to me that you think you're making a valid point here. I have no interest in continuing to play chess with a pigeon. Have fun throwing the pawns around, I guess.

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deathmetalbestmetal@reddit

This is nothing more than deflection and you're quite aware of that. Please do explain how one is able to determine that this is a complex legal issue without any legal expertise, but one is not able to determine that this is not a complex legal issue without any legal expertise.

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RapidIguana@reddit

I see you fighting out here, I really don't get what these people don't understand? I had this exact same situation, bought a house with a friend, it all went to shit and I had to buy him out cos he wanted to leave. There are 2 options here, buy her out and leave, or refuse to buy her out in which case you both sell. No lawyers needed, just basic home owning stuff.

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rootsandchalice@reddit

If they are separating and have a joint property then yes, OP needs a lawyer. Just went through this myself.

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RapidIguana@reddit

It isn't. He buys her out, or he refuses and they both sell. It's not that deep. Been in this same situation when I bought a house with a friend who bailed. This is basic homeowner stuff he would/should have known going in to buying a house with someone.

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26326312@reddit

No, subreddits are not what this person needs. They need professional legal advice from a solicitor.

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onenicethingaday@reddit

The legal subreddit is really good. Helps breakdown the process and give you next steps, in what is a very overwhelming situation.

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Throwaway91847817@reddit

A legal sub might be able to point them in the right direction though, as well as suggest more specific things that need to ask a legal professional.

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Hailreaper1@reddit

No, a lawyer is what he needs. Not advice from Reddit.

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blind_disparity@reddit

It's good to know where you stand, although I would suggest actual legal action should be avoided if at all possible. You are now Co parents, and I hope you can find na way to make that work well. Court is extremely expensive and causes massive acrimony that won't be good for either of you.

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AussieHxC@reddit

ASAP, I'd be suspicious that she's already gotten some given that she's changed her mind so significantly this quickly.

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Thomasinarina@reddit

Yep. Someone - be it professional or personal - has already been whispering in her ear.

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AussieHxC@reddit

I mean it's pretty basic advice to not leave the familial home and abandon your kids but it does have the potential for much wider reaching impacts.

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mumwifealcoholic@reddit

For the kids sake, please just get along and put aside your no doubt justified, anger. She's right, she doesn't have to move out. And ever lawyer is going to tell her not to do so under any circumstances. Come to an amicable solution, your kids will thank you for it later.

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johntspeed@reddit

Tell your kids. They find out anyway, and trust you less for lying to them.

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DameKumquat@reddit

Sure, tell the kids the relationship has broken down, but remaining civil rather than showing anger, yelling, etc will make an unpleasant time more bearable.

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Hamsternoir@reddit

I know a situation where she cheated, kept the kids and for many years controlled the narrative until they were late teens and learnt she had cheated. They finally worked on properly rebuilding their relationship with my mate who found it very tough for a long time. Kids should know the truth in an age appropriate way.

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Kaliasluke@reddit

Parental alienation - shockingly common and very nasty. Really screws the kids up too - they lose the relationship with one parent due to the alienation, then the relationship with the remaining parent often gets destroyed when their lies are revealed.

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johntspeed@reddit

Did I say scream and shout? Not sure, I did. The wife insisted that we softened the shit about their "bio" father. They're both in their 20s now and openly say "we knew you were lying and that upset us. we wish you'd just been honest". Take out of that what you want.

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ApprehensiveElk80@reddit

I suspect the not resorting to shouting and screaming was advice for the OP not a direct response to you….

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johntspeed@reddit

You know these are threads, right? And I am talking to you now because I've just replied to you.

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BeatificBanana@reddit

Nobody else on reddit has a hard time grasping what you're not grasping, mate.

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johntspeed@reddit

OK zoomer

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BeatificBanana@reddit

I'm a millennial, nice try though

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johntspeed@reddit

That was obvious and insufferable. Sorry, your generation is irrelevant and all your dreams have died. RIP Vice.

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BeatificBanana@reddit

What does the generation I belong to have to do with your inability to understand how social interaction works?

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BigOilyCrab@reddit

Bro is a 1 core cpu lmao

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johntspeed@reddit

Zoomers, click reply... not replying. or as my old nan would say "idiotic children".

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BigOilyCrab@reddit

Sorry im too young to speak fossil and im also too old to be offended by this

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johntspeed@reddit

Try some punctuation.

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BigOilyCrab@reddit

I Hope this whole old man shtick is some kind of weird troll act. If youre being genuine then this is just sad and i dont wanna play anymore

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johntspeed@reddit

I can’t read your contribution without even trying to use basic punctuation. I think our time together has come to an end. Toodlepip.

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ApprehensiveElk80@reddit

Yes, I’m well aware - see I can reply to you but also add a remark to OP if I want - that’s the really clever thing about communicating.

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johntspeed@reddit

Communication requires clarity on the side of the communicator.

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RainbowPenguin1000@reddit

Because houses where their parents bury their feelings and emotions are such a great place to raise children right?!

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Warm_Improvement_320@reddit

You are right there mate. Sometimes it is better to bail out and let the kids decide who they want to stay with. They might detest their mother for her actions.

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ToeConstant2081@reddit

ay up weve got another online parentying expert here

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RainbowPenguin1000@reddit

I’m no expert but I can spell “parenting” at least.

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ToeConstant2081@reddit

yeh becasue there is no such thing as a typo is there lol, keep your crap advice to yourself

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RainbowPenguin1000@reddit

In your sentences there seems to be a lot of typos and you dont even know how to use upper case letters. Anyway its not "my advice" its well known based on studies and a better understanding of mental health and psychology. Feel free to disagree if you like but id suggest maybe educating yourself a little before labeling other opinions as "crap" because theyre different to yours. Some examples for you: [https://www.psychologytoday.com/gb/blog/adolescents-explained/202105/don-t-stay-together-the-kids](https://www.psychologytoday.com/gb/blog/adolescents-explained/202105/don-t-stay-together-the-kids) [https://www.equitablemediation.com/blog/should-we-stay-together-for-the-kids](https://www.equitablemediation.com/blog/should-we-stay-together-for-the-kids)

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Best__Kebab@reddit

Those would be interesting examples if anyone had actually suggested staying together for the kids

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ToeConstant2081@reddit

ikr the guy is a tool

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ToeConstant2081@reddit

because im typing on the internet in an informal setting and i simply dont care lol. you clearly are typing on your phone which is doing all the work for you. who mentioned staying together for the kids lol? no one, useless fool.

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ExasperatedRadish@reddit

I think it was a parenting/partying hybrid.. like he/she's good at both

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ToeConstant2081@reddit

what are you on about lol

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Ayuamarca2020@reddit

Nobody is saying they need to stay together. The person you are replying to is saying they need to come to an amicable solution, not just be each others throats.

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Aid_Le_Sultan@reddit

The alternative’s not a gas either.

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Proud_Ad_8317@reddit

avo her before she avo's you

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PrincessStephanieR@reddit

She has as much right to be there as you. I’m not condo in her behaviour but finding somewhere to live isn’t easy. In the meantime just be civil and try to avoid her when possible.

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murtygurty2661@reddit

Im sure people would be happy to have OP out on the streets if the roles were reversed. Fuck her, should be a way to remove cheaters from the family home.

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Aplesi567@reddit

Tbf that’s normal considering Reddit always sides with the woman

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freaking_scared@reddit

What reddit are you on, because I swear I saw some rampant misogyny on here (well not this subreddit though)? And no one side with her, everyone sides with the OP, but says that there is not much he/she can do. Anyway how do you know the OP is a man?

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Aplesi567@reddit

Where did I attack a woman, my comment was more about the general state of subs and a lot of these “ask” subs tend to favour women and treat like them babies and it’s just weird

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PrincessStephanieR@reddit

Probably. Doesn’t make it legally right though.

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Worried-Drama4650@reddit

She should have thought of them consequences before hand though, now she doesn't want accountability and she'll likely take the piss, and run away with half the money. Life on easy mode for some....

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PrincessStephanieR@reddit

They both own the property though? You can do something really shitty but at the end of the day, legally she owns half. Her name is on it.

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Warm_Improvement_320@reddit

Unfortunately!

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Worried-Drama4650@reddit

Screw that let her have half the money obviously, but she's morally bankrupt the culprit should leave out of some tiny spec of grace. I'd say the same of a man. He could be shitty but it won't match up to what she did so there's no point in that. She really should go though I'd expect the same treatment, literally some people have no shame at all, and people that defend the shameless are as bad. Screw systems and mechanisms, it's humans and emotion that should be the 1st port of call.

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PrincessStephanieR@reddit

I’m not defending anyone? It’s awful behaviour. But that doesn’t exempt her from doing what she’s allowed to do from a legal perspective.

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Worried-Drama4650@reddit

I know you're not defending, I'm bloody ranting and raving though! ha (same was done to my brother). It sucks.

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wingingit6546@reddit

Its sucks big time but he know what he was doing when he signed for the house together. It would be the same the over way round. Its half her house not matter how much a cunt she is

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Worried-Drama4650@reddit

He didn't expect her to cheat when signing it, she knew what she was doing and how it would go when she cheated, slightly different contexts surrounding said decisions in terms of consequences, 1st sentence is a cop out of an argument. 3rd sentence was sensible though, you're alright 🤪

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wingingit6546@reddit

Were dose it say in a legal contract that if you cheat you lose the right to your value. Not expecting something to happen and a legal term are not the same thing.

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Worried-Drama4650@reddit

I didn't type that, dont make things up. You have the two ends of my point over the posts screwed. It's 'does'. I haven't been talking about the legal side the whole time. Read.

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Wind-and-Waystones@reddit

No you're arguing that the person who has done the immoral thing if cheating should now do the moral thing of leaving the house despite showing the lack of morals they have. Unfortunately the only thing that matters is the legal aspect

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Worried-Drama4650@reddit

I've literally not once said the legal does not matter, she's piece of shit and should sod off bits vile, I'll cheat and walk away with a bag of money, as I said, life on easy mode. Why do you care that much? I mentioned the same thing happened to my brother and if near broke him, and really confused the kids. I had to help a lot as their aunt. So this rubs me up wrong. What's your stake in this? You're saying what dozens of people have already said since a few hours ago, anything fresh to offer?

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WembleyToast@reddit

Nipping in just to say that you're not coming across great in this thread. Combative, defensive, overly righteous. This may be a personally sensitive topic for you, so I can understand the emotion, but you're acting a bit daft with all these replies

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Worried-Drama4650@reddit

So you can read then, what is your point you'd like to make apart from daft? Are you going anywhere with this? It's self righteous to stick your oar in just to take a shot, similar to me.... Or are you just dog pilling? Commentary? Input on the actual topic? You've literally said you understand off handedly, then say I'm daft, and three labels, wow again, you don't sound dissimilar to me, Infact more labels, I never called other posters things nor labelled them, hypocrisy much huh? You may nip away now, it sounds like I hit a nerve for you to bother replying with your labels,I don't mind how I come across that's my perogative and not your business, I would ask why would you care, but that's none of my business. Who cares....

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WembleyToast@reddit

My point exactly. Hope things ease up for you.

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wingingit6546@reddit

Were dose it say in a legal contract that if you cheat you lose the right to your value. Not expecting something to happen and a legal term are not the same thing.

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uchman365@reddit

>Screw systems and mechanisms, it's humans and emotion that should be the 1st port of call. This is exactly why the world is currently fucked. Humans and their emotions

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Warm_Improvement_320@reddit

Just ignore the bitch as if she doesn't exist!

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Obvious_Initiative40@reddit

No, she has just as much right to remain there as you do.

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GMN123@reddit

Legally, not morally.

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Obvious_Initiative40@reddit

No such thing as morals during a split up when you own part of a house and the alternative is being homeless or spending more on renting somewhere else.

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Inner-Device-4530@reddit

If she is on the deeds then sadly she has as much right to be there as you do.

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frenchois1@reddit

Well, at the very least it means we can be sure she's a selfish AH and not just someone who screwed up. All the best mate, i'd be fucking fuming. In an ideal world you'd have the cash to say 'ok, whatever' and get the fuck out of there. If that's not an option, you've got to stay and do your best to seem like you're taking it in your stride. Don't ignore her, that's childish, but if you can 'barely notice' her you're winning. Treat her like a very minor inconvienience, and just get on with your life. It'll drive her nuts. Best of luck dude.

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frenchois1@reddit

And oh yeah, OP, forgot to say... Sometimes we think we've lost something but it was an obstacle holding us back and we didn't realise. I'm speaking from experience. You want someone in your life who wants the best for you. she wasn't it, that's obvious now. You can be sure about yourself and your kid and now you know it so you're in a better place. You've got this!

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Warm_Improvement_320@reddit

That's right! She is an irritation, an itch you can't scratch. Make your kids the centre of attraction and really piss her off lol!

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Duke_of_Blandford_II@reddit

As I understand it, the right of entry is different from the right of ownership. It's a legal issue.

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Ballbag94@reddit

Can you elaborate? If they own the house jointly then neither can force the other to leave unless ordered by a court because they both have a right to the house [source](https://www.family-lawfirm.co.uk/blog/your-rights-to-stay-in-your-home-when-you-separate/#:~:text=You%20can%20certainly%20ask%2C%20but,court%20injunction%20would%20be%20needed.)

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Duke_of_Blandford_II@reddit

That's how I understand it. I believe, though may be wrong, that once the separation takes place, then the person moving out loses the right to access. As I said, it's a legal issue.

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onenicethingaday@reddit

You definitely can't change the locks. The only way that someone is prevented access in this situation is if there is some kind of restraining order usually due to domestic violence. If you are both on the rental agreement or jointly own the house, you have equal rights to live in the property forever. Until one is legally removed or bought out.

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Duke_of_Blandford_II@reddit

Well, I was given some very poor advice by a family law solicitor 16 years ago.

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onenicethingaday@reddit

You were, unless it's divorced, then sometimes the settlement includes change access or selling property. I have to shop around for solicitors.

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RevolutionaryPace167@reddit

No, you aren't allowed to change the locks- I ve recently been through this

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stack-o-logz@reddit

I had this exact same situation! They wouldn’t leave until the cash from their half of the property was in their account. Really petty. It took several weeks for the mortgage to come through so I just had to live as separately as possible. Slept in the spare room and spent as much time out as possible. I don’t think there’s anything you can legally do to get them to leave. It’s as much their house as it is yours.

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Warm_Improvement_320@reddit

Unfortunately!

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Inside_Ad_7162@reddit

next time you know she's out, change the locks & put her shit outside

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freaking_scared@reddit

It is not going to solve the problem. Plus if the OP is male it puts him a difficult and potentially compromising situation. As much as anyone in this position would love to do it is not wise.

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Inside_Ad_7162@reddit

Agreed. Bad advise on my part, bad memories.

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freaking_scared@reddit

I would probably feel the same though and would struggle not to do it🤣😂

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According_Draft_1373@reddit

Yes, see a lawyer to start a divorce if married asap. I hope you recorded her admitting to having an affair. I suggest you hid a recording device ask her why she had an affair and state no matter what she is not allow to bring that person into your home. If you are not married, talk to a lawyer straight away about how to split the asset. Make sure any joint accounts are cancelled. If you are not married and she is not on the mortgaged or property deeds, she has no right to any of the property if you are both on the mortgage she can just stop paying and you will have to cover this regardless. still owe her half the property value and be hit up for the mortgage as well You now know she was unfaithful, no matter what or what situation you are in sleep with her again. That can be used against you in divorce if you are married You need to manage the anger and put in place clear boundaries, like she can never bring her affair partner to the home. See if you can get a restraining order against her affair , go as far to set it up, egg on the affair partner to assault you and immediately report it to the police and get the restraining order from you and your home. This might seem underhanded but you need to be very strategic now, she has been deeply deceitful and cruel to you, she definitely trying to manipulate you and keep you emotionally unbalanced. If you both are married or even if her name is on the mortgage, property deeds then her moving out would not have any impact her rights to the property. Even if you so called brought her out, she can come back for another bite. You need this done by a lawyer I suggest you book appointments straight away with all the best lawyer in town now. Once you have seen them, even if you don’t go through them, they are unable to represent your wife While this all seems dodgy, as a man you are at a huge disadvantage during divorce. The laws significantly favour women and anything she says will be given precedent and believed over anything you say. You will need to literally have video, audio or documentary evidence to prove every claim you have. As a man you will be immediately treated with suspicion. This is why you need to see a lawyer asap, especially since there are financial assets such as your home, pension, cash and any investments at risk. Depending on where you live even if you are married this could be considered a defacto relationship and this gives the same rights to the women as if she was married

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freaking_scared@reddit

Are you married by any chance? If you were it would have been a bit easier tbh. I think legally it would have been easier to sort things out, but maybe someone smarter can say that I am incorrect. I am actually interested so if I am incorrect please let me know.

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Enough-Butterfly2728@reddit

As a Dad who went through a similar situation, this is great advice. I never speak badly about my ex, while she constantly tries to manipulate the children and says awful things about me. In time, being a caring and positive person is a strength greater than anything you could give your children. Be consistent and make your world about them, and when you feel you are in a better place, you will find yourself surrounded by people who love you for who you are. I live my life by one motto, be the person you needed when you were growing up. When they're older, you will be the person you need to be. It's a shit situation, but you've done nothing wrong and the few months you're in this situation will be like a boot camp to get over the person you thought you knew. The wife you had doesn't exist anymore, give yourself time to grieve and adjust

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Master_Block1302@reddit

You’re as fucked as she wants to make you. End of the day, she’s keeping the kids and the house and you’re moving out.

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wingingit6546@reddit

That's not true. If it went to court the kids would goto the best partner for the kids. She can only keep the house if she buys him out and that's the same for him to her. They both have a legal right to live in the house till someone buys the over person out.

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Master_Block1302@reddit

And meanwhile, back in the real world, how does it always work out?

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wingingit6546@reddit

You sort the house out, the court decide who's the best option for the kids and the over makes plans to see them as much as they can. It's really not that hard, it sucks and they is a long road ahead. That's how the real world works I think you just hate women because your saying like she will get everything and he loses everything. This is not true at all. Only way this happens is if hes a bad dad and then it's the right call

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Master_Block1302@reddit

I don't hate women, and I'm not saying "she will get everything and he loses everything". I'm not even saying it's wrong that she'll get the kids and the house. But practice, if she wants to, she can. Her solicitor will *certainly* be aiming for her to stay put with the kids, and him to go out with as little money as she can get away with.

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wingingit6546@reddit

You are saying lol just read what your putting. This will be the same for his solicitor to. Your making out that she will get everything given to her and he will lose out.

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Master_Block1302@reddit

Once again: I’m not saying “she’ll get everything and he’ll get nothing”. He will definitely get something. Just not the kids and not the house.

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wingingit6546@reddit

How do you know he will not get the kids or the house ?? Or one minute your saying because shes the women she will get it ?? And your trying to tell me your not sexist 🤷‍♂️🤷‍♂️

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mata_dan@reddit

Unless there's some kind of abuse going on, the kids will go to "both adults" technically.

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Danuk9455@reddit

You kicking your children out too?

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HumanHuman_2003@reddit

Next time she leaves the house get a locksmith to change the locks so she just can’t get in, it’s extreme but effective

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chichasz@reddit

And illegal

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HumanHuman_2003@reddit

Fr?

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chichasz@reddit

She part owns the house

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HumanHuman_2003@reddit

stupid ass laws

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chichasz@reddit

How? Imagine how not having them laws could be taken advantage of

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DubiousVirtue@reddit

I'm coming out of a similar position now. I moved out, left her with the house and my daughter. She's moved on (several times) and now with a partner that wants to work on the house but not if I still part own it. So I was asked to sign it over. I was prepared to do it for nothing but when the lawyer for them contacted me I thought I need legal advice. The lawyer I spoke to explained there was a formula for my situation that would calculate how much I would get if it went to court. THey countered with an offer which on balance I would be unlikely to get even with the formula applied. I'm due to sign the TR1 early next week and their lawyer must submit the funds to my lawyers before it is being released. I doubt that is much help to you, but for pete's sake if you do agree to buy her out speak to a lawyer first. They're not cheap, I've spent two grand already and things are yet to be finalised. It's £350 every time my lawyer does anything. But it is definitely worth getting a solicitor involved.

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oodjamaflip@reddit

Such sensible advice. Counselling helps so you can share the anger rather than bottle it up. Thee sense of betrayal can last for years and undermines so many good memories. I needed professional help to deal with that. Best wishes, it's such a crappy situation to be in.

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_KRT20_@reddit

r/legaladviceuk may be able to help, if that's the route you wish to go down

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Global_war_talk@reddit

Brother buy her out and keep the kids in the house with you last thing your kids need is a strange man around them these women are evil this social media world we live in makes them feel important with instant gratification my advice to you is never ever marry again unless she is a pious god fearing woman these snakes in the west are all for the streets

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caniuserealname@reddit

No; and frankly any attempt to force the issue will likely work against you. You should focus on ensuring the buy-out is all above board, and in the mean time try and arrange some amicable living arrangement. The buy out should explicitely remove her from ownership, and ideally include a move out concrete move-out date, to ensure you have legal foundations should she still refuse to move afterwards.

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RevolutionaryPace167@reddit

Call the police, and say that she's hit you and you are afraid-

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zephyrthewonderdog@reddit

Personally I would move out. Parents, siblings, friends? Or a cheap hotel? It’s not the best advice from a legal point of view - but I wouldn’t trust myself to be in that situation. You only need to lose your temper once. What happens, in a few weeks, if she brings her new friend home to stay the night? You are going to wake up in a prison cell. Happened to a friend of mine years ago.

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Klumm@reddit

Hopefully, unlike you, they can control themselves and not resort to violence.

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zephyrthewonderdog@reddit

Maybe if his girlfriend could control herself she wouldn’t end up in that situation?

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Klumm@reddit

yeah what she did was wrong, doesn’t mean she deserves violence.

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zephyrthewonderdog@reddit

But psychological violence/ abuse by her is something he just has to tolerate because he is a man? Okay.

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Klumm@reddit

absolutely not, but nothing was said about that though. If he said my wife has cheated on me and is physically abusing me that would be a different kettle of fish.

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zephyrthewonderdog@reddit

So your wife cheats on you. You now sleep on the couch permanently . Wife starts bringing her boyfriend over to fuck him at the weekends. You do what? Make them breakfast in the morning? Get a therapist? Come on… for fucks sake. I would be gone the same day.

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Klumm@reddit

ok, well you said “you wouldn’t trust yourself to be in that situation” now you’re saying you would leave. ding ding ding, correct, rather than commit violence against other people you can remove yourself from the situation and that doesn’t make you a shitty person, it makes the partner who cheated and then brought back their new boyfriend the shitty person.

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zephyrthewonderdog@reddit

I seriously have no fucking idea what you are on going on about.

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adventures_in_dysl@reddit

Be mindful of the children research "aces the Childhood development" good luck

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TheGreatBatsby@reddit

Shit situ mate. Shitu.

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Infinite_Pee_1312@reddit

It's geyt home too, why don't you leave if it's that stressful for you?

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Mikewilson-123@reddit

Hello

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blackcoffeegt@reddit

Speak to a solicitor, let them know the whole situation. Try not to do anything petty, since that could go against you of you file for divorce.(I'm assuming you're married but I could be wrong). If you file for divorce I recommend that it's mentioned she cheated on you which would not hold up in court in her favour. If you're going tk do anything petty, make it writing down everything she does that you feel appropriate to take into court and write down dates of when things happened so it's not forgotten. But make sure you speak with a solicitor, since they can provide you the best legal advice in this situation. You can get some advice here on reddit, but it's not always accurate or upto date information.

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GoneRacing2@reddit

I don’t believe it makes any difference these days, divorces go through as “no fault” and the judge won’t care either way

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GoneRacing2@reddit

Change the locks while she’s out?

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gertrudeblythe@reddit

My ex did this to me. I had my parents come stay with me and it made him uncomfortable enough to take a loan out and get an apartment. He was too embarrassed to see them, so he left the day they were arriving. We have kids together as well. I really needed their support at that time because I was completely falling apart, also.

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DisappearingSince89@reddit

Whose name is on the paperwork?

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PopGroundbreaking853@reddit

Just make her life hell

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Solid-Yak-6410@reddit

she will have you over a barrel if you move out. I'm sure a lawer will advise you to do everything you can to keep a level head and stay put too.

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Past-Educator-6561@reddit

OP didn't suggest moving themselves out

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Boombang106@reddit

No but it's very good advice.

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naiadvalkyrie@reddit

"maybe it's not you who should be moving out" is not very good advice for someone who was never considering moving out in the first place. It's just a waste of time that suggests you didn't listen to them/ read what they said. Therefore making the rest of any advice you give not trustworthy

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ZookeepergameHead145@reddit

Calm down.

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naiadvalkyrie@reddit

Has telling someone to calm down ever been helpful?

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Past-Educator-6561@reddit

I don't dispute that

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Last-Tap9808@reddit

Yes he didn't but I am pretty sure the lady will now be googling and talking to people and will soon get to know that she can stay there and kick him out and make him pay the mortgage and child support etc and she would have discovered how to the keep the cake and eat it too

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Solid-Yak-6410@reddit

yeah I know.. OP had recieved vague advice on the legal sub.. "If you can't be around her and she doesn't want to go, you'll need to find somewhere else to stay".. I tired replying there but it wouldn't let me.. just wanted to point out that it's not only women who can suffer domestic abuse.

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Scarboroughwarning@reddit

Both own the property, then you both have a right to be there. Worse, she can invite the other person over. Do not leave the property. IR, do not decide to go live elsewhere. Id recommend you immediately consider what is happening with the joint bank accounts etc. please also assume that every word and action you make could be used against you. Keep the high ground! Lastly, the children caused none of this. However you feel towards her, the priority is not to score points using the kids. Be the better person, I know that's hard. Been there myself

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dodasup@reddit

You move out but as you own half the house move somebody else in to your “half” see how long she wants to stick around after that🤷‍♀️

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MIKBOO5@reddit

Poo with the door open.

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SoftandSquidgy@reddit

A bit of practical financial advice, make sure you get a lawyer to properly sort out buying her out - and don’t give her half the market value, make sure you take any legal costs and fees into account too. Including any that would be incurred if you were to need to sell. Someone I knew gave their partner half the market value, then when they went to sell afterwards realised they were out of pocket as all fees and taxes were taken from their half. Don’t allow yourself to be manipulated just because you want her out of the house. It’s not worth the short term gain for long term pain.

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pumpkin2074@reddit

Unfortunately I went through this situation myself. If they’re on the mortgage they have as much right to live there as you. I got a solicitor and bought them out of the mortgage. Slept in seperate rooms and had to grit my teeth everyday whilst they kept blackmailing me saying they wouldn’t sign the house over to me if I didn’t do x & y. Was a nightmare at the time but I’m in a much better position now and I’m a lot stronger for it. I wish you all the best and hope it’s all over quickly for you.

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DinosaurInAPartyHat@reddit

Get a solicitor involved NOW. If you can buy her out in a few months, that's the best approach. See if you can get a loan to speed it up. You also need to get a written agreement in regards to the kids, who is gonna have them? If you don't think you can buy her out in a few months, then selling might be quicker.

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WannabeBS1234@reddit

I would advise you forgive and patch up. For your kids sake.

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chichasz@reddit

Staying together ‘for the kids’ is the worst thing to do. An amicable divorce in this situation is ideal

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redmagor@reddit

I think there is little to nothing to patch up after someone has an affair. They could have chosen to be single and live their life accordingly. Instead, they chose to hurt someone they had children, bought a house, and shared a life with. Forgiveness should not be given at the expense of self-respect.

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WannabeBS1234@reddit

People do dumb things in life. Doesn't mean you wreck a family over it

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monkeynutzzzz@reddit

He didn't wreck the family.

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Wrong-Stay6218@reddit

Sorry pal, the family’s already been wrecked…you need to gain a new perspective

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redmagor@reddit

Doing "dumb things" is not a justification for the trouble caused. Speeding is dumb and people die because of accidents caused by it. Do we turn a blind eye on that? No. _She_ wrecked a family by cheating, in case you did not realise. How or why is the onus on the person who was cheated on?

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Master_Block1302@reddit

If this can be done, it’s the best way. Of course it depends on the circumstances. Did she get pissed on a hen do and snog the male stripper? That’s one thing. Has she been rattling your brother in your marital bed for the last decade? That’s another.

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26326312@reddit

Terrible advice. The trust is gone. They need to get sorted and go their separate ways. Kids are better having 2 happy homes rather than one miserable one.

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Soothesayers@reddit

Nah

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Flonkerton_Scranton@reddit

You agreed to be 50/50 owners and that small print you signed covers all this. Nothing you can do, deal with it and let the legal system take it's course. I would recommend just making her days miserable by replacing her toothpaste with polyfilla, filling her shoes with water, moving things so she can't find em etc. Embrace the deep petty.

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jobblejosh@reddit

Nah, there's a violation of a marriage agreement in here. As long as OP doesn't do anything stupid in retribution their case is more solid (prima facie) than their partner's. But I guarantee (not a lawyer, not legal advice) that petty, stupid, annoying 'revenge' (especially if it causes material or emotional damage to the other party) will definitely weaken OP's case and may even strengthen the other party's. In a case where you're essentially looking at divorce, from this point onwards every action OP takes should be looked at through the lens of the court and whether it has potential to jeopardise any final settlements. OP needs to be squeaky clean, not petty and immature.

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RoyalMaleGigalo@reddit

I would remind her in some small way everyday of what she did and that she could always fuck off to the person she was cheating on you with. Failing that off to friends or family. Time to lay in that bed. She must have no shame.

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notverytidy@reddit

Make sure anything important such as bank cards are secure. Change bank accounts if she's previously used yours or you have a joint account, as she could wipe the account out on her last day when she leaves. Move anything valuable such as watches, your jewellery etc into a safe place she doesn't have access to. Get utilities etc split between you. Don't pay her part of the electricity etc. Change the wifi password if she's not paying 1/2 of the broadband cost. personally I'd start acting like she's a lodger. Seperate bedrooms (put a lock on your door until the day she leaves). Small lockable fridge and only do shopping for yourself. Completely physically seperate yourself from her for everything.

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Hekx11@reddit

Burn the house

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Big_Mac_Is_Red@reddit

Fart on her pillows when she's not looking.

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PumpkinSpice2Nice@reddit

Mature!

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HotFaithlessness1348@reddit

Neither is fucking someone else when you’re married with kids

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PullingInward@reddit

Neither are Easter eggs and NFTs.

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Big_Mac_Is_Red@reddit

That's exactly what I shout at the pillows when I'm done. Like a magic spell.

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Best__Kebab@reddit

Manure!

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unstoppabledot@reddit

Nice.

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murtygurty2661@reddit

Neither is having an affair and pink eye wont fuck up her ability to form new relationships with people

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_400club@reddit

Clean the toilet with her toothbrush

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Leapimus_Maximus@reddit

Bare-arsed. Make sure she gets pink eye

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Arrakis_Is_Here@reddit

Bare ass, so she gets pink eye

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Beer-Milkshakes@reddit

Itching powder sprinkled in her underwear drawer. Turn the radiators all the way up in her room.

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321AThrowAway@reddit

I actually kinda love this 😂

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Brave_Bluebird5042@reddit

Dig deep brother. A month or two and you'll be in clear air. "If you're going through hell. Keep going."

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Raasey@reddit

Is the house rented or do you pay a mortgage?

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wriggleyspace@reddit

Get a few hookers and fuck in the house. She wont be long moving then

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Fattydog@reddit

And social services won’t be long coming to take the kids.

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devildance3@reddit

Heroic!!

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Expensive_Yoghurt_13@reddit

Quality man !

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EldritchCleavage@reddit

There is some good pinned advice about the law regarding property and children on the Relationships board on Mumsnet. It was written by a family law barrister. Have a look at that just to understand the basics. Please don’t assume what will happen or go along with things before getting advice.

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unixpro_uk@reddit

Why should any woman be treated any differently to a man in such a situation? Give serious thought to the long term implications. She has breached a contract, destroyed trust and is now damaging your health and by implication, your life. We only get one. Consider your own self worth and any legally implied consequences. If you think children will not understand your situation, you have low expectations.

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sparklybeast@reddit

I’ve not seen anyone suggesting she should be treated differently?

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unixpro_uk@reddit

Fair point. Seems to me that they always are thought.

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GracelessAtSea@reddit

I ended up moving into a rental for a while until she fucked off. Probably not the best idea but it was better than being in the house with her.

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rebootsaresuchapain@reddit

Sadly no. But don’t you leave either until you have seen a solicitor and got your ducks in a row. She could cry parental abandonment if she’s trying for full custody.

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Soggy_Western7845@reddit

Tell her to shack up with affair man - oh does he not want her to? I’d remind her of that in private as well

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smithster87@reddit

Grab the cheating whore by the scruff of her neck and fling her in the gutter.

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Taste_of_Pleb@reddit

Saw your post on legal advice, sucks to hear this happened to you. While you wait for a lawyer to sort out the divorce/ selling up, you could make it as annoying as possible for her to remain there. Any things you know would grind her gears etc, do them frequently.

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epicblackhand@reddit

Give stone cold stunner, follow up with the people's elbow

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Smooth_Econ@reddit

If I was you I'd straight up poison her.

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wingingit6546@reddit

Then the kids go without both they mum and dad because of this. Grow up

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Smooth_Econ@reddit

Is that how you grew up?

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wingingit6546@reddit

Nope Dont see why you would give advice on how he shoukd rekt his kids lifes because they didnt workout .

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Smooth_Econ@reddit

Because it's fun. Who are you to say it isn't?

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reachisown@reddit

Police if you're reading, take note of this guy.

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Smooth_Econ@reddit

They aren't and they won't x

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SilasMarner77@reddit

The problem is crime investigation technology today is so sophisticated OP is bound to get caught.

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44scooby@reddit

you can't make a joint owner leave their jointly owned home. Neither can you make the mother of your children leave her children. Women with children, even if they are yours, get priority over who stays in the property. So if you can't manage it, do you have a relative you could stay with for the odd night?

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PlasteeqDNA@reddit

Good advice re the children. They are actually the very highest concern and the priority here. Focus solely on them and push through somehow. Get legal advice. You can't kick her out but don't you leave either.

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buttfacenosehead@reddit

The best thing about therapy is even if they don't have advice you resonate with, you'll feel a million times better just talking to somebody. Often when I confide in someone I'll arrive at my own answers...weird how it works like that.

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GiGoVX@reddit

Sorry you are going through this. Having been in a similar situation where my partner cheated I can almost know what you must be feeling. Luckily I had friends to lean on in tough times. Hopefully you do too. Andy Man's Club (https://andysmanclub.co.uk/) can be a great use of your time if you want to vent to people. Good luck and stay strong, it will be a long and rocky road but you will come out the other side.

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InteractionMammoth20@reddit

What a horrible situation to be in, I'm so sorry! My friend went through this kind of situation, unpleasant breakup/divorce, joint property, and kids. Like you, being in an environment with resentment building, was doing her head in, my friend and her ex came to a solution that worked for them, keeping the kids in their own home, at the same time preparing them for the inevitable. One week she stayed with a friend who had a spare room, he stayed with the kids. The next week my friend was with the kids and he stayed with his parents. They agreed to certain conditions...no visitors that are not family or kids friends, what they did on the week away from home, was their business only, they must be available to talk to the kids, especially at bedtime. It was a big relief, they could focus on the kids and not have the person you're angry with in the house, the communication between the pair got better having those boundaries in place. When he bought her share of the house, they came to a custody agreement, and my friend moved several away, closer to her mother. I wish you all the best, and hope you can resolve this as soon as possible, so you can move on.

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THE-HOARE@reddit

Sell your half of the house to her if she’s going to be having the kids majority of the time. That or if she plans to live with the person she’s been having the affair ( probably the person who’s talked her out of moving in with them and told your ex to stay their for now) with ask her to leave and you will buy her half once she’s moved.

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flux-7@reddit

Op I am in a similar situation. I'm sorry. No one can see or truly know the pain you have. There's some great advice here about doing what you can to show the children how you should handle this. They will remember if you both fight and shout at eachother, they will also remember you are a great father if you compose yourself correctly and manage your emotions. But it is ok to seek help, you will be grieving if this was a long relationship.

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Flashy_Jacket_8427@reddit

She is a grade a c**t

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bduk92@reddit

OP did you expect mention anything about the children? Is she planning to take them with her? A shared custody arrangement is something you need to start looking into and agreeing between you before the risk of things getting ugly hampers things. You could also agree to sell the house and split the profits, otherwise if she's on the mortgage then you'd need to look at legally how much she's owed for you to buy her out

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fluentindothraki@reddit

Get a good lawyer. Definitely an investment - this can save you a fortune.

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Overall-Rice-4237@reddit

Sorry you are going through this. I have found this sub incredibly supportive: [https://www.reddit.com/r/survivinginfidelity/](https://www.reddit.com/r/survivinginfidelity/) There are some great resources here: [https://www.survivinginfidelity.com/](https://www.survivinginfidelity.com/) [Chumplady](https://www.chumplady.com/) and her book [Leave a Cheater, Gain a Life](https://www.amazon.co.uk/Leave-Cheater-Gain-Life-Survival/dp/0762458968) are highly recommended reading Stay strong. It's possible that after the excitment of the affair wears off and the train of reality plows in to her face at full speed, she'll come back, grovelling and crying and begging for another chance. But she has done you a huge favour; she has given you your freedom and shown you who she truly is: a liar, a manipulator, untrustworthy. Someone who doesn't respect you or your relationship, and made the CHOICE to cheat.

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SpudFire@reddit

Sorry this has happened to you. I wasn't married but had a similar situation with my ex. Get the ball rolling on the buying out process straight away, it can drag on quite a while for what seems so simple. You'll need a conveyancer to do the transfer stuff, the same as if you were buying a new house and you'll need to contact the mortgage lender to put in an application to take her off (you go through the same affordability checks etc. as you did when taking it out together). Hopefully you can come to a settlement figure you both agree on, rather than her making unreasonable demands. Don't try paying her less than half because 'this is all your fault' or anything like that, it just has the potential for roadblocks further along the process (i.e. her demanding more). You might even want to compromise and give her more than she's entitled just to keep her sweet and get her gone asap. I did that, because I realised I'd be financially better off without her anyway so a few extra thousand was worth it to keep the ball rolling and get her out my life for good sooner rather than later.

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Ill-Breadfruit5356@reddit

The hardest thing for you is going to be not venting your anger to your kids. Don’t involve them, don’t drop heavy hints to them, don’t make it clear that she’s the one responsible for your breakup. Kids pay the heaviest price when parents split up, as tough as it feels for you it could be much worse for them unless you make sure it isn’t. They need you to be strong. All the best, it is shit that you have to go through this.

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KindheartednessFull1@reddit

I'm going through something similar. I broke up with my ex 7 months ago, as she wanted an open relationship and I didn't. We bought a house together 4 years ago. For the past 7 months we have been living in the house together, whilst waiting for the land registry to approve our application for the leasehold we extended two years ago. It's tough but you have to be strong, espeically for your children. Focus on selling the house/remortgaging in your name only (if you can afford it). Spend time with your kids and any friends/other family. Talk to your friends about your situation, without slagging your ex off too much (that would only make things tougher). Have a night or two away from her and the house. We made some ground rules to make living together easier: no sex with each other, be kind to each other, talk through any struggles with each other without it becoming too emotional (hard but can be done) and no matter what, do not bring anyone back for sex and same for her. With children I can imagine that piece of advice is easier than without kids. Good luck, be strong and don't forget despite the trauma be kind to each other, your children will be so much better off if you are!

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johntspeed@reddit

You can move out, and tell your kids exactly why.

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PumpkinSpice2Nice@reddit

The court will then rule he isn’t allowed to sell the house to release his half as her children need a home. It can only be sold when they are of age and move out. Better to stay in the house and then the courts will allow them to sell it and they can each arrange alternative accommodation and what happens to the children.

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johntspeed@reddit

It depends on how much the house is worth. If half the value can buy a property with enough bedrooms. If not, she would probably still be left with the house anyway.

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QOTAPOTA@reddit

I wouldn’t advise this.

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johntspeed@reddit

I would. They'll only blame you for the break-up when it was mummy who was the cum dumpster. Fuck that.

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TomAtkinson3@reddit

This is an awful idea on both counts.

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blind_disparity@reddit

If you can afford it, I would suggest you move out temporarily to get some space. Forget what's fair and concentrate on what's good for you, please.

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Haberdashery_@reddit

I was in a similar situation. He was always away with work, but once I left him he was home every single day. He would yell at me and threaten suicide. I blackmailed him into leaving with the threat that I would tell his parents about his prostitute habit if he didn't go and after two months he rented somewhere. Use her cheating as leverage.

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TheAnarcho-Bidenist@reddit

When women cheat it is because the man in her life has been inattentive or let himself go (balding, short etc) you need to reflect on how you can improve yourself to not let this happen again.

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threeweeksdead@reddit

Be strong!

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26326312@reddit

You could look at getting a court injunction however it's expensive, takes months and will likely be rejected. Don't ask Reddit randoms about this stuff, you need to see a solicitor and find out what you need to do. This is a job for the professionals.

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El_Rompido@reddit

Start fucking other women in the lounge

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BenathonWrigley@reddit

Sorry this happened to you. Please be civil for the children’s sake, as difficult as it will be. They don’t need to be exposed to arguments etc it will be traumatic enough not having their parents living together. Can’t really comment on anything else as don’t know details like if her name is on the deeds of the house etc

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