Why would a good friend RSVP “no” to a wedding?

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AlmightyRobert@reddit

Good friend’s better friend is also getting married that day

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Will they know many other people at the wedding? If they’re not also friends with other friends then it could be very boring (as you’ll not have much time to see them), particularly if they don’t have a partner/plus one

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NikkiFromMars@reddit

Also social anxiety can make it difficult for people to attend. I invited some friends of mine to our wedding that I knew probably couldn’t come for this reason, we would have loved to have them there but appreciate that their mental health and well-being comes first. One friend with this did attend but had to leave early as they had anxiety after a while being around so many people.

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NikkiFromMars@reddit

Prior engagement, cost of travel or accommodation etc, difficulty with getting childcare or having to care for a relative or partner, not being able to get time off work or studies. Otherwise most good friends will attend a wedding, the only real exception other than this would be if their partner cannot come, or if their partner won’t let them attend, the latter one can be due to an abusive relationship (an ex of mine tried to stop me going to any friends events that I was invited to even though he was also invited but would refuse to go), so if a friend does turn down an invite it’s worth checking in with them that everything else is ok in their life. And yes I did go to the weddings on my own and had a blast!

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Alarmed_Crazy_6620@reddit

Clashes, childcare, costs. Currently on the fence for my buddy's wedding because because, while I can afford it, the wedding is abroad and would cost as much as a fancy holiday

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Ginger_Tea@reddit

So long as they don't expect you all to fuck off to the airport the next day, have the holiday if you can get the time off.

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Alarmed_Crazy_6620@reddit

That's the potential solution but not trivial (high season, extra flights to get somewhere suitable for a holiday, would love to go to the wedding but not sure about the country as the hols destination).

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Ginger_Tea@reddit

I'm assuming they are taking their honeymoon there, because it would irk me to no end if we went to Barbados for the wedding and they go to Tokyo the next day.

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Alarmed_Crazy_6620@reddit

Both not bourn in the UK where they now live, one of them is from the destination country (closer of the two home countries)

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Ginger_Tea@reddit

Right, so it's probably more for the benefit of family. I'd rather go home and see older relatives and say no hard feelings to people where I live, promising a party after the fact, than expect people in their 80s to come over here. Because although you might live in Liverpool, to your family, a wedding ten minutes car drive from your house is a destination wedding to them.

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Alarmed_Crazy_6620@reddit

I'm 100% not blaming them and would do the same thing in this situation. Slight annoyance about choosing it to be during the +35C season in a city but suspect that's also down to relatives and circumstances. However, just makes things logistically more difficult

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Ginger_Tea@reddit

Not saying you were throwing shade on the couple, but I was only going by original info of destination wedding and you were hesitant on going.

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Alarmed_Crazy_6620@reddit

No problem!

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TestPilotIan@reddit

Last wedding I went to saw the ceremony happen at mid-day with a reception afterwards, then nothing until 8pm, guests were expected to entertain themselves in a remote golf course with nothing to do for 6 hours. We left after the reception, mainly because bride “forgot” to thank my wife and I for buying her wedding dress as a wedding gift, we later found out this was because her “other best friend” had given the bride £2000 to go buy a wedding dress herself and she’d pocketed the money instead - that other best friend got a rousing thank you for her “support and love” which just twisted the knife in the wound. Suffice to say they are no longer friends, other friend found out what happened and tried to kill the bride and we swore there and then never to attend another wedding. We also heard that because there was nothing to do between 2pm and 8pm and guests were expected to stay on site, everybody was shitfaced by 4pm and there were several fights throughout the evening as a result of said shitfacedness. Maybe your friend was at this wedding as well lol

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Halliron@reddit

You left a good friend’s wedding at 2PM because you didn’t get a specific call out in the speech for a £100 gift?? It’s very rare for a gift to get a speech call-out obviously £2000 is a much more substantial gift than £100. The person who gave £2000 has justification for being annoyed as it wasn’t used as expected, but your anger is misplaced.

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TestPilotIan@reddit

We weren’t angry, everybody who made any contribution to the wedding was thanked and given a gift during the reception (including the limo driver that they’d only met that morning), except for my wife, there was also a lot more that she did towards the organisation of the wedding, including organising said Limo, ordering and delivery of the cake, organising the dress fittings for the bridesmaids, she essentially fulfilled the MoH role, but got absolutely no thanks or recognition for it. So yeah, I think she was justified to be upset at being snubbed and took the moral high road of quietly leaving without making a massive fuss over the alternative (you did read the bit about the other one who tried to kill the bride, yes?).

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Master_Block1302@reddit

They hate the bride and groom.

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IpromithiusI@reddit

Date clashes mostly, followed by the cost - going to a wedding these days isn't cheap even without a gift to the couple. Even more so if it's a venue away from their area. Petrol/taxis, potential hotel etc. Might just not be their thing too, I know a few people who's idea of sitting around dressed up all day is hell.

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BeverlyMacker@reddit

Our friends got married abroad and it was a beautiful day but with all the travel costs, buying the outfits and gift we ended up spending more money on their wedding than we did our own 😂 (but tbf we just eloped in Vegas)

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IpromithiusI@reddit

Foreign weddings are where I think I'd have to draw the line! Saychelles My Arse! 😉

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Ginger_Tea@reddit

Destination weddings are meant to filter people out. You don't get to be all surprised Pikachu face when all your broke friends can't come. I've never had my own passport, when I left England for West Germany as a child, I was moths old, not quite seven when we returned (with damn near zero Germany language skills) and was on one if my parents passports and my brother the other I guess. Last time I was outside of England was a stop over at a Welsh railway station. Even when we were in the EU, I had no desire to hop on a ferry, now I have to faff. So unless I have more than enough time to save and get a passport, I ain't going nowhere not even for close family.

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Master_Block1302@reddit

Quite a lot to unpack there.

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Technical_Win973@reddit

Ok first off ETA doesn't mean what you think it means. Secondly you could say work commitments or preplanned holiday you can't move or whatever. Just remember that if you are a good friend then they would want you there and honestly with any luck they'll only get married once so I would try to be there.

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Weary_Rule_6729@reddit (OP)

ETA means Edited To Add

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CrucialLogic@reddit

Most people understand ETA to mean estimated time of arrival

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Weary_Rule_6729@reddit (OP)

have you ever been on reddit before?

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Alarmed_Crazy_6620@reddit

Stop trying to make Edited to Add happen, it's not going to happen

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CrucialLogic@reddit

No

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bucketofardvarks@reddit

If they're a good friend why don't you just ask them?

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Weary_Rule_6729@reddit (OP)

because i’m the one thats trying to get out of a wedding 😂

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Ok_Soil8023@reddit

Interesting! I'm wondering why not just tell them the truth? Unless the answer is actually you just don't want to go?

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Weary_Rule_6729@reddit (OP)

its abroad and its just so much effort. i just really cba, to be honest. i’m also single and weddings are a bore to me. we are not the closest friends anyway, so i dont feel too guilty, but was looking for inspiration from you guys on Reddit.

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southcoastal@reddit

“Sorry but I really can’t afford to go abroad right now.” Trust me you won’t be the only one to say this. Any couple that decides on a destination wedding should expect a few more refusals than if it was UK based. Especially as nowadays seems to be expected that guests don’t buy a gift but contribute to the holiday. If the couple can’t afford it themselves they have no right to get pissy with guests who can’t afford it or don’t want to waste annual leave either.

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Weary_Rule_6729@reddit (OP)

thanks for your reply. i’m going to say this :)

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rammscot@reddit

No is an answer. Could be busy. Work related. Just don’t want to go. No is a complete answer and I wish people would just accept that. Not everything has a shitty reason behind it.

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BackSack-nCrack@reddit

Weddings fucking suck. Nothing worse than being invited to a full day event.

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SuccessfulMonth2896@reddit

This. The big bash weddings I have been to, the marriages never lasted beyond 5 years. Small, intimate and no longer than 6 hours from service to end of reception, those couples are still together.

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OccidentalTouriste@reddit

Good friend, why not ask them?

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TestPilotIan@reddit

Not a chance, far better to ask complete strangers to speculate on the internet.

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Weary_Rule_6729@reddit (OP)

im literally not getting married???

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youserneighmn@reddit

So what’s the context for your question? Maybe edit to add and you’ll get more relevant replies 🤷🏽‍♀️

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ThatNiceDrShipman@reddit

Wedding is child-free and they have kids?

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Overthinker-dreamer@reddit

One of my best friends is getting married this year. I'm currently pregnant. The wedding day my baby will be only a few months old. The wedding is five and an half hours away. So I RSVP no. My friend understands, she thought that might happen.

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a-liquid-sky@reddit

This is a silly question. Conflicts with another event? Can't afford the travel/hotel stay? Can't get time off work? Just doesn't want to go?

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Smee_Heee@reddit

Can't get childcare.

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janusz0@reddit

They don'tvapprove of marriage?

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runew0lf@reddit

If its a good friend, you could you know, just ask em, hope yer ok mate, sorry you cant show, instead of posting about it on reddit

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Weary_Rule_6729@reddit (OP)

i’m not getting married, never been married, its just a question

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nefarious_otter@reddit

Cost. Cost of travel. Cost of stay. Cost of gift. Cost of drinks. Cost of outfits. Obviously not all will apply to everyone but cost is the main reason I’m thinking about turning down an invite to a friends wedding and I don’t want to buy you have to be practical…

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rainpatter@reddit

Boring

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spezisdumb42069@reddit

Just ask them?

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Brinsig_the_lesser@reddit

I think OP is the one that doesn't want to go

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Ginger_Tea@reddit

Looking for reasonable excuses vs just saying "I can't get time off." Or that whilst OP wants them to be happy, they don't approve of the partner.

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Mc_and_SP@reddit

Have to sort some stuff out for MI6

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Harrry-Otter@reddit

Conflicts with another event or financial reasons would probably be the main ones.

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Bitter_Tradition_938@reddit

Time. Expenses. Hassle (public transport is a mess and I don’t drive). And I see no reason to spend hours of my life surrounded by people I do not know, eating mediocre food and getting bored to tears. Weddings are only interesting for the bride, groom and maybe their nearest and dearest. The rest of us are just following what society tells us we should be doing. So it’s nothing personal :-)

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bornleverpuller85@reddit

I was asked to be best man at my cousins wedding but turned down the invitation. It was a foreign wedding. I'm a teacher. It was 3k for us to go plus I'd got to have a week unpaid from work. No way I could afford it

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GoDeathValley@reddit

Once I RSVP'd no because I didn't think they were suited as a couple. Turned out a year or so later to be correct as they split up...

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MisterIndecisive@reddit

...have you tried asking them

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Global_Amoeba_3910@reddit

Too expensive/ childcare/ date clashes with something else

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soverytiiiired@reddit

I’ve had to turn down a friends wedding because they didn’t send a save the date so when we received the invite it was six weeks notice, taking place on a bank holiday weekend in central London.

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itsshakespeare@reddit

I said no because no children were allowed and my son was under two at the time and we have no family locally to babysit. The wedding was 7 hours’ drive away. No hard feelings and I sent a present

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KaleidoscopicColours@reddit

The date clashes with something else that's already in the calendar, like a holiday or someone else's wedding It's a destination wedding and the costs of attendance will be unaffordable It's a child free wedding and they don't have anyone to look after the kids ... but if you're wondering why a particular friend has said no to your wedding, you're going to have to ask them.

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BibbleBeans@reddit

‘Cause they suck? People can be happy for you but rather not attend because of the whole them being really boring ballaches with a dress code.

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BeverlyMacker@reddit

Child care/ already have plans / holidays / they hate you / they hate weddings / lots of potential reasons

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Suitable-Length4255@reddit

They have a prior engagement.

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