You inherit a large amount of money. Is this money just yours or is 'ours' (you and your partner )?

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vishwasrathi@reddit

Well, married people, happily married, keep their salaries in separate account. Pay out on bills and mortgage and expenses equally, save equally and spend the rest however they want... It's her's.

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I think this stops working as soon as one partner has to compromise their career for the family. If you have kids, chances are the mum will take some time off for maternity leave. She's losing income but just in that time, but potentially in career progression, while the dad (likely) does not. How do you account for that? Is she just poorer than you now? If you find a great job that you need to move home for, and your partner struggles to find a job for a while, are they just out of luck and have no money? Life is complicated, and contributions to a family aren't just your wages. It's impossible to calculate, and pretending otherwise will likely cause problems. My friend's husband recently started doing overtime at weekends. He goes off to work leaving her with a full weekend of solo childcare that was originally shared. Where does the money from that overtime go? Into his "I want a nice car" pot. She now also doesn't have the option to do any overtime because someone has to take care of their child. There's no way anyone can consider that fair. My wife and I earn very different amounts, and part of that is because her career progression suffered from taking a year of maternity leave for each child. I could have taken some of that leave, but we (together) decided that she should take it all. When it comes to money, all our pay goes into the joint account, all shared things come out of there, and we each take an allowance each month that is ours to do with as we wish. That way, when one of us gets a financial win, we both benefit.

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RepresentativeWay734@reddit

Married men have their own account, I had better go tell my wife that. It's her money but as adults and in a partnership he should have an input on where the money goes

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BannedNeutrophil@reddit

It's whoever the will says it belongs to, so I'm assuming it's hers. Nothing rips apart formerly close people like an inheritance, so I'd just drop this one immediately.

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LittleSadRufus@reddit

If we take the legal definition route, I believe inheritance is not automatically considered a matrimonial asset for the purposes of divorce. It would depend on the extent to which it was relied upon to maintain the household I imagine

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smiley6125@reddit

It’s hers. I don’t want her parents (she has no grandparents left) money. If she wants to pay off the mortgage or some of it or take us on holiday, give it to our kids I don’t care. Equally if I were to come into inheritance I might get something nice for me and the rest will be on the mortgage/family/holiday for us all/university fund. All depends how much and if/when in my life it comes. I would rather have the person around and have no money from them.

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Mrsnutkin@reddit

That last sentence

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Success_With_Lettuce@reddit

Hard to answer mate. If it were my parents or me it becomes “our” money. To some of my friends it would be the individuals. I’ve emulated my parents where all is equal, partner is of the same mind. One of my good friends split their finances quite rigidly but share the common costs. Who knows, basically, it’s all down to your personal situations.

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Mrsnutkin@reddit

This! You’ve explained it well.

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Kryten_Spare_Head_3@reddit

If my wife inherited I’d consider it hers. If I inherited, it’s mine.

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PJP2810@reddit

In the first half I was honestly expecting this to be a joke answer and read >If my wife inherited I’d consider it hers. If I inherited, it’s _ours_.

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Visible_Nothing_9616@reddit

I think the better one is >If my wife inherited I'd consider it hers. If I inherited, it's _hers_.

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InfectedByEli@reddit

This is the more realistic answer.

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ProgramInformal8810@reddit

Though this is not an ucommon mindset when it comes to sharing finances.

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Kryten_Spare_Head_3@reddit

I was tempted. So tempted!

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SilyLavage@reddit

Its hers, but given you're presumably the love of her life it would be a bit unusual if some of it didn't end up benefitting you as a couple.

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imminentmailing463@reddit

Exactly this. My wife is inheriting a few thousand quid soon. It's her money, but she is choosing to treat it as our money. Likewise, if/when I inherit money I would be the same: it's my money but we are a family unit so I'd treat it as ours.

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AppropriateAd3768@reddit

Perfect answer

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OdinForce22@reddit

Ours. We share all incomings and outgoings in our house.

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GlitchingGecko@reddit

So if your partner got £20 in a birthday card she'd give you half of it?

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Ziphoblat@reddit

Completely not the same thing though is it? A small token gift to buy a some new clothes or a spa day or something is one thing. A once-in-lifetime figure of money that can make a major impact on your household is another. If I came into a sizable chunk of money, I would feel like a complete wanker if I spaffed it up the wall on things for my own benefit, particularly when there are so many ways we could leverage it as a household. I would never feel that I had a claim to money that my partner inherited, but at the same time I have every confidence she would have a similar perspective to me and so would use it to the benefit of the household. Otherwise I wouldn't be with her. All very hypothetical though as it's very unlikely I'll ever inherited anything and she certainly won't. We'll leave behind a chunk for our kids to inherit, but if they waste it on frivolities when they have kids of their own I will come back from the grave to bollock them.

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GlitchingGecko@reddit

I feel that it is. An inheritance is something a close loved one (usually a parent/grandparent) has left you as a gift after they died. If they person wanted it to go to both of you, they'd have told you about it beforehand or you'd both be named in the will. Doesn't matter if it's £20, £2k or £200k. My mother left everything to me because she'd already asked me what I'd do with it when she died, and I'd told her I'd sell our flat and buy a house outright so we didn't have a mortgage anymore, and if I died whilst probate was ongoing, my husband was named second in her will to inherit everything. (I often joked about being hesitant to accept food/drink from him during that time, in case he'd poisoned it.) > I would never feel that I had a claim to money that my partner inherited, but at the same time I have every confidence she would have a similar perspective to me and so would use it to the benefit of the household. Otherwise I wouldn't be with her. This. I could see arguing it was 'ours' if one of us had a drug problem or a gambling problem, but if not then I'd trust their judgement. If you can't trust your partner with something as basic as money, why are you even in a relationship with them to start with.

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Ziphoblat@reddit

I understand that the deceased person intended the money to go to the beneficiary of the will for a reason -- but equally, it would be unusual to have a scenario where e.g. a parent leaving money to their kids would feel that their legacy was being honoured by their kids then wasting that money on frivolities while their own grandkids went without, for example. I don't believe the non-inherting member of the couple has a claim to the money, but I think they are perfectly entitled to hold opinions on or respond to the way it is spent. A bit like "*my body, my choice*". You cannot dictate what your partner does to their body -- they are within their rights to tattoo a cock and balls onto their forehead if they please -- but you are just as much within your rights to judge them or leave them for doing so.

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NakedBlobfish123@reddit

All mine and my husband’s birthday and Christmas money goes in an envelope in the drawer. We don’t get cash out so we spend it on takeaways over the course of the year. If we want to buy something though then we will buy it, we don’t fuss over whose money is whose.

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OdinForce22@reddit

Edited my comment now. £20 birthday gift then no - something large, we always share though and usually something is purchased for the house.

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ConsumeTheMeek@reddit

Or else

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Macshlong@reddit

There isn’t a single answer, it all depends on your relationship. I came into 30k from my Nan passing and paid off both our debts, as far as I’m concerned we are “we” not me and her. However I have plenty of married friends that hold completely separate accounts and use their own cash, even paying each other for rounds bought on nights out. However, I will say that If you feel you’re entitled to it, you may have issues that need addressing.

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Anathemachiavellian@reddit

I’m somewhat surprised by most of the answers in this thread. I presumed most people felt that getting married meant joining your lives, and finances, as one. My husband and I share all of our money into a joint account, but transfer a small sum into our personal accounts each month for certain purchases. We have our own saving accounts, but that’s more to maximise on interest and the like rather than actually separating stuff.

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Markrugby23@reddit

I'm In this situation now. I have said I will buy a new family car and kitchen but the rest goes to savings. We want a porch and new patio in the back and I have said we just have to save as normal towards them. Mortgage comes out of my account and we already overpay so I have said I'm not putting a lump sum on the mortgage incase things change between us. She is completely fine with this. I think communication is key. Any reasonable person would understand if you receive money it's yours to do as you wish, if you aren't willing to use some for your family or your partner expects full access to it, then the relationship isn't worth staying in

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LilacRose32@reddit

Depends, but when my dad inherited I got a deposit on my flat. 10 years later my mum inherited and my sister got a deposit, their mortgage paid off and my sisters wedding was paid for was

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BibbleBeans@reddit

It’s hers. Like my inheritance I’ve received is mine. Might choose to spend it on things that are then used by others but my money. My choice with where it goes.

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usernamesforsuckers@reddit

I'm in a partnership. What's mine is hers, and hers is mine.

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Automatic_String_594@reddit

The right answer depends on who is most sensible with it. If the money is significant to you two. If you have family responsibilities, and your wife wants to finally get that boob and bum job, then the money should at least be put somewhere mutual. If you’re the one who wants to gear the whole family up with the nicest clothes, buy a verrry nice car. Then maybe you shouldn’t have access to it. If you both want to save it or invest it to make it grow, then it doesn’t matter, does it?

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GL510EX@reddit

Inheritance is a non-matrimonial asset, as such it is 'her money' entirely, from a legal standpoint, she can spend it entirely as she wishes and you will have no claim to it on divorce. That's the purely legal view anyway.

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First-Lengthiness-16@reddit

It is legally a marital asset if you were married at the time of inheritance.

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2023mustgo@reddit

It depends how you manage your finances, do you usually consider all money joint property?

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Hamsternoir@reddit

Hers but she has spent on us and the house. If I ever inherent (or win the lottery) I'd just see it as ours.

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QuietBirdsong@reddit

No idea about the legal side of things, but as someone married for almost 20 years, I'd always expected anything inherited would become 'ours'.

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Corbusi@reddit

What did you do to lose your wife's trust when it comes to handling money?

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ChangingMyLife849@reddit

It’s hers. Your family member didn’t leave it to you. Her family member didn’t leave it to you both.

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1Marmalade@reddit

Any actual lawyers here? This is all conjecture so far. BTW, it IS a serious discussion.

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peterhala@reddit

It goes into her bank account. If she does not have her own account you insist she gets one. This is to protect your honour. Once she has the money you tell her that the money is hers and whatever she decides is fine with you. If you (even jokingly) suggest what she should do with it, it will mean you're a scroungey little bitch, rather than a real man. All those people who said "Ours" - fuck 'em, they're either morons or thieves.

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YouSayWotNow@reddit

Personally, in my case, any inherited money would be ours. I say that as the one most likely to inherit anything much out of the two of us. But it depends on each couple and their marriage and their life and their finances. No wrong answers here.

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Beanruz@reddit

Do you have joint finances or you one of those that is married but keeps things seperate? Think that makes the decision

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MachineJunkie08@reddit

It's the person who inherited it. Saying that the safest thing to do is to put it in your house. That way the person who inherited it has invested in themselves and you. The money will grow for both. Nice though if they can treat themselves for their loss (aids in a bit of recovery) but a small amount. The question relies on both parties and how they feel. You could get two answers but circumstances would and will change the answer. My opinion is, it's mine but I put it into our house with some for me to enjoy.

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lostrandomdude@reddit

What's hers is hers, what's mine is also hers

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sparklybeast@reddit

I think for me it would be mine but the decisions about spending most of it would be ours. Say it was £100k. £90-95k would be spent to benefit us both with both of us jointly making the decision. I'd keep the rest to spend on something just for me to remember the person who I inherited it from.

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yourmomsajoke@reddit

Hers. Has this with my ex, he inherited 10 grand from his step dad passing. Updated our gaming pcs, gave me a grand to do as I liked (house stuff and kids, typical!) and I spent a long weekend in Rome with my oldest for my birthday on a whim he paid for. We always kept seperate finances, this was no different.

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jake_burger@reddit

Legally there is no distinction. Marriage is a legal financial merger, and while it’s a little more complicated than that - I’m pretty sure that on paper the inheritance is both yours.

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CanineMagick@reddit

For me, it’s ours. We’re a unit financially

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Common_Lime_6167@reddit

Hers (I say that as someone who isn't going to inherit anything)

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CustardCheesecake75@reddit

It would be all determined to how it's inherited. Just been through all this recently, if the inheritance is left in a trust, legally it's hers. If not, legally it's joint. Personally, I would treat it as ours, I may put it into my account and put it towards household expenses, family holidays, anything that benefits the family. I may even help the kids out if and when they decide to move out. On the same token, if my partner wants to spend it on things that I don't agree with, such as a new car for him that costs more than a car needs to be, I'd put the brakes on it. And if the rolls were reversed, and my partner inherited the money, I wouldn't complain if they put it all into their bank account and spent it on themselves.

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BppnfvbanyOnxre@reddit

An acquaintance married with a wife who was a bit of a spendthrift so much so he had to take her of the joint account to stop them continually going over drawn. Her Dad died, left her a significant sum and it was all wasted on holidays, clothes, cars etc. while he had to find the cash for their large mortgage. Pretty sure if it had been my wife prioritising fun over paying down the mortgage on the family home I'd have been seeking a new wife.

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TheDon1875@reddit

In England and wales inherited property is not automatically counted within the marital pot. You would have to divorce/ go to court and even then would be the courts discretion whether they make inherited property available for a spouse.

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darktourist92@reddit

If we're married it's ours. If we're not, it's yours.

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scent_of_gardenia@reddit

I was in this situation. It's mine but I have used some for the family - holidays, new car for me and passed old car on to child, new furniture etc. Rest is savings for emergencies/ helping out kids.

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DangerousCondition34@reddit

I’d say it depends how you split your finances in general. Me and my wife (then girlfriend) used to have one account for all finances, but it caused arguments when either of us wanted to buy something significant that wasn’t for us both. So we switched to separate accounts. If I came into say, £50k. I’d probably give my wife £10k, myself £10k and the rest in savings.

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verone3784@reddit

Regardless of where the money came from, it would be ours, and it would be shared jointly.

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ClaphamOmnibusDriver@reddit

Same here, we have joint finances for everything.

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FedUpFrog@reddit

I inherited some from my mum, we split it in half and invested in two ISAs one in each name and will eventually use it to both our benefit.

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sockhead99@reddit

Wife and I have been married 16 years. She inherited a significant amount 6 months or so ago. She was insistant it was "ours". I very much took the stance that it is her inheritance and her decision on what she would like to do with some or all of it.

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Master_Block1302@reddit

IRL, it’s shared. As I understand it, there are some edge cases where to money can revert to the ‘recipient’ but a decent divorce lawyer can tear them to shreds in most cases.

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mxboua@reddit

I think its very reasonable for her to want to keep it and not put it in a joint account but with the mentally that she will spend on things that benefit both not just her. For example you had finance on a car she may want to pay for it, she may want to make an overpayment on a mortgage etc. In some cases not wanting to share can be an indication they don't see you as someone they plan on being with forever however on the other hand they may be super cautious and not want to get done over. It all depends on your relationship, your past experiences, and your current financial habits

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ConsumeTheMeek@reddit

If it was mine, it would stay mine, I'm more financially responsible and less likely to make hasty financial decisions than my other half, always have been. Of course she would have a say in what we spend the bulk of it on, but if any of it was in her accounts you can guarantee it'd slowly drain away on shite with nothing to show for it lol.

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Opposite_Dog8525@reddit

Divorce her before she can spend it an you'll find out. She sounds a keeper with that attitude 🤣

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JuiceMeSqueezeMe@reddit

I can see both sides of it tbh It came from her family not yours so it feels personal to her. However, it makes even less sense to gatekeep money you did nothing to work for than they money you did. Legally speaking judges take a dim view of spouses hiding money from each other.

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Pumpkin-Salty@reddit

> It came from her family not yours so it feels personal to her. Yeah very much this. It's not the money, it's where it came from. I completely agree with her position and would feel the same (insist on the same) if it was my wife who'd inherite money.

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Valuable-Wallaby-167@reddit

>Legally speaking judges would take a dim view of spouses hiding money from each other Not relevant as she's not hiding it.

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Vireosolitarius@reddit

it’s hers …

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cari-strat@reddit

My husband is the first to admit he isn't great with money so I wouldn't just split it because he'd blow his half on fishing gear and gambling, and I'd be the one replacing the cooker when it blows up and getting the bathroom redecorated. So I'd give us each an equal amount of 'fun' money that we could spend or save as we wish, and then everything else would go in my savings account with the intention of being used for stuff that involves us both equally such as home improvements, holidays, things the kids need, etc, and ultimately our retirement as we're in our 50s. For example, if we got £100k, it would be an absolute max of £10k each and the rest put away. Obviously if the time came that one of us desperately wanted or needed something special that we couldn't afford then we'd sit down and talk about it, I'm not tight about cash and I'd happily give him whatever he needed as long as he wasn't blowing cash on crap and using me to bail him out.

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Banditofbingofame@reddit

If she inherited it, it's hers and if I inherited it, it's mine. That being said, we talk, we are a unit and I can't see anything stopping us being grown ups about it. Saying it's 50k, we'd probably do something with 40k of it to benefit the family(pay off bills or mortgage etc) and spend 5 on 'us' and the person spend 5k on themselves.

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PoliticsNerd76@reddit

You and your wife should be a team. For me, it would be an ‘our’

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GlitchingGecko@reddit

It's hers. Even if you usually share regular income, an inheritance is a 'gift' like a birthday gift. I don't expect my partner to give me half of the money in a birthday card, and I wouldn't expect half of an inheritance either.

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RevolutionaryPace167@reddit

Its legally joint monies

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CustardCheesecake75@reddit

Depends on how the inheritance is set up. If it's a family trust inheritance, then no, not joint.

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RevolutionaryPace167@reddit

Under UK law it is a community asset between husband and wife

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CustardCheesecake75@reddit

Yes, correct. Unless a family trust has been set up.

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RevolutionaryPace167@reddit

A family trust, wasn't the question

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ElectricFlamingo7@reddit

If it was your son or daughter inheriting from you, would you want it to be theirs, or theirs + their spouse?

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CoffeeIgnoramus@reddit

I'd agree with your wife. It's hers. It's her family that gave her money. Having said that, if it's a large amount of money, I would find it a little odd if she spent none of it on improving our lives or something for both of us, but I wouldn't hold it against her. It's hers.

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Mrsnutkin@reddit

Ours. I do think it depends on how you live though. All money is ours. We have our own bank accounts each, a joint account for bills and a joint savings account. We both contribute but we don’t sit working out “I’ll pay £4 on my card etc” we just pay … it’s all our money.

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Coconutpieplates@reddit

My grandparents willed money to their children and a smaller amount to the spouses. There was no animosity at all because nobody felt entitled to grandparents' money. And most of the money was used for family expenses or shared anyway. I'd probably put half into my own account and half into joint, I'd have no problem using it to pay for big family expenses like work on the house or kids' school trips but I wouldn't want it just wasted because my parents worked hard. If my partner was not close to my parents or didn't care to visit them etc it's all going into my account lol.

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kipha01@reddit

It's hers and I (m49) would consider myself grateful she has said she would spend it on 'us'.

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Lonely-Ad-5387@reddit

Out of me and my partner, I'm the only one likely to inherit anything and it would be ours. With larger purchases we talk it through anyway because the way we each behave impacts the other, I wouldn't just assume I can spend a bunch of money without it being agreed between us no matter the source.

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illbepedro@reddit

I had something similar last year after my granny passed away. I spent a little under 10% of it on a ring for myself, the rest is in savings waiting to be spent on building work on the house. I suppose I considered it to be "mine", but knew that the majority would be spent on "us" - but I also think if I had decided to spend all of it just on me that my husband wouldn't have had an issue with it

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tmstms@reddit

For us, it would be an extra pleasure, or grace, if you like, to use the money for the sake of the other or the sake of the relationship. That pleasure would be lost if the money were in a joint account.

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