When you have a new colleague do you ask about their family/home life or wait for them to share information?

Posted by Born-Necessary9533@reddit | AskUK | View on Reddit | 14 comments

I'd always avoid making assumptions as to the existence of a partner (/specific gender thereof), kids, etc, but is it rude to ask something like "who do you live with?" just as part of getting to know someone? Or is it better to wait for them to offer up that information?

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14 Comments

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loki_dd@reddit

I'd advise them that you're open minded but don't mind if they don't want to share but would like to know more about them. Or words to that effect.

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BroodLord1962@reddit

''Who do you live with'' sounds a bit blunt. Just casually ask, ''So are you single, married, etc'' ''Got any hobbies/interests''

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Flo_Dunky@reddit

Personally I would not ask them anything personal at all. If they volunteer information I would not press for extra information either. I would say asking "who do you live with" would be incredibly rude and if was me you would get a sharp "none of your damn business".

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destria@reddit

I wouldn't ask specifically. It's the sort of thing that comes up in normal small talk quickly enough.

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i_t_1979@reddit

Despite what Reddit will tell you, it’s perfectly normal and healthy to ask about people’s personal lives. “Who do you live with?” is maybe a bit blunt, but a normal conversation about holiday or weekend plans will usually result in that info being made clear - whether attached or single; family situation; kids etc. You’ll probably have people on here tell you that it’s weird and intrusive, but Reddit skews towards antisocial weirdo.

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starsandbribes@reddit

Theres a li!4 between being nosy and bonding, but because this is reddit you’re going to get a lot of “asking you if you have a partner is GROSS misconduct and I would be on the phone to HR straightaway. Keep a log book of all the questions and comments your colleagues make. PM me if you need a good employment lawyer. They should be talking about WORK and nothing else. ”

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i_t_1979@reddit

“… and even then, in-person conversation or a phone call is scary. Email only please.”

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Electrical-Ruin3312@reddit

I don't ask. But I do warn others of delicate/sensitive information so they don't say the wrong thing to the person with family issues

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Cahellan@reddit

Wait for them to offer. "Who do you live with" is a weird question. You don't have to 'make assumptions' about people's partners. It's work, you're talking to the person themselves, there's no need to bring up whether they have partners. You just risk sounding like a creep asking "are you single".

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Decalvare_Scriptor@reddit

That's the kind of thing that comes in conversation rather than being asked about directly. E.g. "Do anything nice over the bank holiday?" "Yes, we took the kids to visit my wife's parents."

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OK_LK@reddit

I share my own information when I feel comfortable to do so. I then leave it up to them to decide what and when they want to share their info with me. Creating a safe, healthy space to share or not share is importan for having a happy work environment.

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mhoulden@reddit

Wait for them to tell you. They might have reasons for keeping it private.

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captainzomb1e@reddit

I usually ask a general question, allow them to bring/offer up something, then follow up on that. e.g. "Any plans for the weekend?" "Not much, just looking after the kids", then "[insert question about the kids, because all colleague parents love talking about their kids]" That being said, I wouldn't consider asking outright rude at all! People love talking about themselves

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