What funny nicknames did you have for teachers at school?

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BeanOnAJourney@reddit

Our year 7 IT teacher was called Mr Sabey (pronounced "SAY-bee") but we called him "Mr Scabies" because he always had awfully dry and flaky skin all over his face and scalp (we didn't know what scabies was let alone if his dry skin was as a result of it 🙄).

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helloskoodle@reddit

Welsh maths teacher called Mr Hagger. Naturally he was known as Mr Hagger the Sheep Shagger.

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theegrimrobe@reddit

our school had a temp sometimes called hagger - he was called sheep shagger at our school too

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TW1103@reddit

My tech teacher, Mr Phillips was a prick. He used to pick on students and just be generally nasty. One day, he was berating a kid for being "unsafe" using a band saw. He then tried to demonstrate the correct way to do it... And cut off the tip of one of his fingers. At that point, Four Finger Phillips was born.

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DesertTrux@reddit

I had a music teacher called Mr Phillips. Liked to have 1-on-1 sessions with the girls. He was also large, so naturally his nickname was "Mr Fathips"

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IvorLittleun@reddit

We also had a PE Teacher called Phillips he was known as Phil lips the perv I never knew why but the older children hated him! Weird that Phillips is a common perv name 🤔

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Hambatz@reddit

Peado Kennedy

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Hiyakitty1990@reddit

We had a peado Kennedy too, primary school though

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glasgowgeg@reddit

> primary school though Likely place for them to be.

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StevenWithaPH96@reddit

We had a Peado Taylor

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itsthecat1120@reddit

Was it DR Taylor ?

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StevenWithaPH96@reddit

No he was just Mr Taylor

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pronerainbow87@reddit

We had one of them. Paedo Carter. He was called that before I started, and was called it when my wife was there 5 years later. Here he is. https://www.theargus.co.uk/news/10438063.heathfield-community-college-paedophile-teacher-told-police-he-was-looking-at-them-for-research/

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IvorLittleun@reddit

😯 he was a fucking teacher ( no pun intended ) and the best he could come up with was I was looking at them for research, research for what?

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pronerainbow87@reddit

Yeah, the quality of teaching at that school wasn't great. Made me laugh the comment that they had "no idea". His nickname was paedo Carter. Not the weirdest person to come out of Heathfield though. https://www.sussexexpress.co.uk/news/crime/heathfield-double-murderer-and-necrophiliac-sentenced-to-life-imprisonment-3495926

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LynxMountain7108@reddit

I have so many questions, how did he get the nickname? And did other teachers know that's what you called him?

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pronerainbow87@reddit

I presume the teachers would have known. I never had him as a teacher, but still knew him as paedo Carter. My step sister did and my wife did. I was told he'd do things like drop pens to look up skirts. Make sleazy comments. Pervy stuff.

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Hambatz@reddit

Seems peado teachers are more prevalent than fans of classic Brittish comedy

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Speedbird223@reddit

Polo. He was so thin you fit his whole body through the hole of a polo. Suicidal. Her last name was Seidel and she was impossibly happy and positive. Splinter. He looked like the character from Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles.

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Midnight-Wolf-1607@reddit

What were they all like? Were they nice? Strict? Did they know about their nicknames, and if so, what did they think of them?

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EuroSong@reddit

We had a teacher at primary school called Miss Tucker. I’ll let you work out her nickname.

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sk6895@reddit

We used to be so cruel- we had a teacher called Mr Baillie who had a glass eye. We used to say “how do you spell Baillie, one eye or two”

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26TonsOfMetal@reddit

🤣

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Lank_Master@reddit

Had an English teacher called Mr. Kelly. He had a bit of a belly on him, so we nicknamed him Pot Belly Kelly.

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aje0200@reddit

We had a Jelly Belly Jones

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26TonsOfMetal@reddit

These two are fantastic

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ForsakenMarsupial@reddit

We had a middle aged teacher with a large bust called Mrs Thomas so of course we called her Titty Thomas!

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shrewdmingerbutt@reddit

Did she teach geography? Asking for a friend… 😂

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ForsakenMarsupial@reddit

It was history I think, but it was a very long time ago!

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FedUpFrog@reddit

RE teacher who was very intense and strict, not particularly liked suffered from acne. Was commonly known as Scabby Abbey.

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Ill-Sandwich-7703@reddit

Our PE teachers were called Miss Body and Miss Slim for real, so we didn’t need to make up any nicknames.

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d_smogh@reddit

Our cookery teachers were called Mrs Ball and Miss Beech

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nepeta19@reddit

I like a bit of nominative determinism.

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gammonlord@reddit

We called two of our teachers Rolf and Jimmy (for looking like Rolf Harris and Jimmy Saville respectively) Years down the line they were both outed as paedophiles (one had a hard drive full of questionable pornography, the other shagged a 15 year old student) before the crimes of their namesakes were bought to light.

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cmzraxsn@reddit

😬 talk about nominative determinism...

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Lou-Lou-Lou@reddit

My partners surname is Salmon. He works in the water industry.

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Lienidus1@reddit

We had a P.E. teacher Mr Lay who was 55 and still lived with his mum, used to walk down the showers telling us to clean our willies and told us to put our hands in our pants to keep them warm when playing rugby: Gay Lay and his condom ray...

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jelly10001@reddit

Not me but my Dad had a Mrs Crawley at school, so unsurprisingly she was known as Creepy Crawley.

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Active-Strawberry-37@reddit

Had a sub teacher that we called Granny Mush Had a Geography teacher who was a just a big ugly moose of a woman, so the trick with her was to try to say “mooses” instead of Mrs when you were talking to her. On guy found out our form tutor’s name and he went on a big rant about “don’t call me Paul.” So we called him Phil. and Mr Rodney was called Mr Dave but he was an Only Fools and Horses fan so he found it funny.

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zeddy123456@reddit

My stepdad always tells me about a teacher from when he was a kid. He got the nickname chalky balls cause he always used to stand right against the tables so one day my stepdad rubbed chalk on the edge of the desk so when the teacher did it, well you can figure it out. Apparently my stepdad didn't like that teacher cause he also locked him in the supply closet for an entire lunchtime once...

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BakingnBarking94@reddit

My head teacher was called Richard Head... I mean, you shouldn't be around teenagers if you don't want to get made fun of with that name!

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hoksworthwipple@reddit

A teacher who had a preposterous comb-over, which occasionally came loose, was nicknamed Whiplash. A teacher who had an elongated bald patch from front to back, was called Hot Dog because the bald bit looked like the hot dog, held by the bun, his hair.

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Dimac99@reddit

Our deputy head was a tall, grey man in a grey suit. The headmaster was a small, round man who wore glasses and was always in a blue suit. It wasn't a perfect fit, but it was close enough for them to be known as Dangermouse and Penfold.

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UnimaginativeNameABC@reddit

A very basic one, but Mr Bates inevitably became Master Bates.

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InnerAsparagus6045@reddit

Pedophile Power was very odd man

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UnimaginativeNameABC@reddit

That sounds like a particularly terrifying far-Right group 😬

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UnchartedQuasar@reddit

We had a history teacher that bared a very mild resemblance to Hitler. There were also rumours that he ate cat food. He was also a bit on the larger side so my friend group nicknamed him Fat Cat Hitler (obviously we wouldn’t say it to his face). One time, for an art lesson we had to use his classroom cos art was getting renovated and he came in halfway through and said the only thing he could draw well was a cat. Me and my friends found this hilarious and he challenged anyone to draw a better cat than him. Someone went up and drew one but the whiskers were really short and looked a bit like a hitler moustache. Everyone kinda noticed this and without missing a beat, the teacher straight up asked my friend “What do you call a cat that looks like Hitler?” Idk how he knew we called him that or if it was just a coincidence but safe to say we were fucking dying after that.

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BungadinRidesAgain@reddit

We had one with the surname 'Midwinter' who was nicknamed 'Bleaky'. He was a cold bastard as well. Another was called 'Spooner', but no one knew why or who came up with it.

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BrokeMacMountain@reddit

There was one teacher at my old secondary school who was rather..... plump, and wore very tight fitting shoes. So she had the nickname, "thunderthighs"

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Grouchy_Judgment8927@reddit

I had a teacher nicknamed Jabba, complete with a very convincing drawing by one of my artististically talented friends. We weren't kind teenagers.

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Arseypoowank@reddit

“Hulse the Pulse” the IT teacher with a twitchy stress eye, coffee breath so bad it was like he just ate it out the har with a spoon and those gross bits of congealed saliva in the corners of his mouth you can only describe as “mouth smeg”. He did let us play network Quake though which was pretty rad

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Purple_Committee_216@reddit

We had a teacher whom we called Noddy. No idea why, I think it just got passed on from year to year. Real name Miss Arundel. She was old and had buck teeth. Miss Dyer was called Dick.....

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MassiveBeatdown@reddit

Dog-breath-Durham. For obvious reasons. We also had one called Mr McStocker. We once saw him drinking a coffee from the Max-Pax vending machine. He was forever Mr MaxPacker.

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Pr0tat02001@reddit

Not a tutor, but I called my consultant Dr Doom. He did brain surgery and kind of saved my life so I can't call him that anymore.

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A_Wee_Talisker@reddit

None of ours were particularly funny.  Geography teacher called Windy. No idea why. Maths teacher whose name was Richard got Brian. No idea why. Female English teacher got Crowbar. No idea why. Another maths teacher got Toast. No idea why. Young, attractive female geography teacher got Patricia, down to her revealing outfits and propensity for sitting on her desk allowing the occasional glimpse of stocking top and more - Comes from the Chris de Burgh song Patricia the Stripper. Female maths teacher got Sindy. She was tiny & blonde. Pure bald deputy head got Chrome Dome. French teacher got Ribbet. He was French, the French eat frogs, frogs say Ribbet. Older French teacher got Billy Joel, because despite being a very formal and old world teacher (gown & mortarboard, fond of corporal punishment, which was still a thing) every Christmas or school event he could be guaranteed to take each class to a music room or the assembly hall and do a one man music hall style cabaret on the piano, Billy Joel sang Pianoman. Fat <surname> was fat. PE teacher got <name> the eunuch because when pressured to allow us to play football rather than rugby he would claim there were no balls. Computer Science teacher got Scout because he was extremely camp. Physics teacher got Killer, partially a reference to his surname, partially due to his alleged propensity for violence. Chemistry teacher got The Milky Bar Kid because he was short, blonde and wore glasses. English teacher got Basha because he was built like a brick outhouse. Elder maths teacher got Bomber Harris due to having been in the RAF and being 100% guaranteed to forget about teaching entirely if subtly directed towards talking about his flying days.

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jackog420@reddit

Had a teacher called Mr Smith that we called Mr spliff and after we found out about his coke habit we called him mr sniff

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SmegmaSandwich69420@reddit

Skislope because of her nose. Wasn't *my* funny nickname for her, just *a* funny nickname, and given how she ran out of the class crying when someone called her it to her face i guess it wasn't really that funny. Less nickname, more cruel insult. I cannot for the life of me remember her real name or what she looked like other than long dark hair and, well, the nose...

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chicaneuk@reddit

There was a Mr Chester who was affectionally known as Cheesy Chester the child Molester. Who would ever want to be a teacher, honestly.

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7ootles@reddit

Our music teacher was a rather stout and magnificently well-endowed middle-aged woman. We called her Torpedo Tits. That's the only one I can remember offhand.

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morris_man@reddit

When I was in a Secondary Modern school in the 60s we had a flat chested history teacher known a Titless Turner and our atr teacher was known as Knacker Paine as he had the same surname as the local abattoir.

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Low-Total9121@reddit

Looking back, I don't think there were 'funny' nicknames for anyone

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scenecunt@reddit

Sweaty Raphael. We used to call him that because he had great big stains under his armpits.

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SparkieMark1977@reddit

We called the headteacher at secondary school Billy The Fish. Because he did indeed bear a resemblance to Billy The Fish from Viz.

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JamOverCream@reddit

Was he also handy in goal?

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SparkieMark1977@reddit

No idea, we did rugby at that school. Not that he did any rugby either.

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JamOverCream@reddit

We were very unoriginal. Head teacher was Mr Wolfson, known as Woofkins. We had a short PE teacher known as Stibble for some reason. Physics teacher was Kenny Coulomb. At another school we had a teacher known as Cat Shit. Everyone loved her, but when the school phone rang, it was nearest to her classroom and she would always run to catch it.

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quackers987@reddit

We had a supply teacher occasionally, would always scratch herself down there. Naturally got called Itchy and Scratchy. Another teacher had bad dandruff/skin condition. He got called flaky pastry. Kids are cruel.

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fwapfwapfwap@reddit

Showing my age here but we used to have a teacher who looked like Clive Sinclair. Nickname was 48k.

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murder_droid@reddit

Former Olympic runner - The Snail

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AmarilloMike@reddit

Our RE teacher was called Mr. Priestman. No funny nicknames required!

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cluedo_fuckin_sucks@reddit

/r/nominativedeterminism

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nepeta19@reddit

Physics teacher was nicknamed Isaac ("because of Isaac Newton sir")... Real reason: his surname was Hunt.

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ronnie_dickering@reddit

We had a few. Steggly Pegly Wackko Skeletor Ned Flanders Captain Caveman The Peado Knob head Tree trunk legs Mr Oral Mr T Mrs T Big Tits

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krabbkat@reddit

We had an agency teacher in year 11 who looked just like Rolf Harris and wore every item of clothing the same shade of beige, who we called Rolf/Paedo Beige. He did eventually get removed from the school after making sexual comments to some of the year 7’s Then he got replaced with a guy who insisted young ladies shouldn’t be heard or seen if we weren’t being spoken to, and we should only ever whisper if we ever need to speak. Dark-skinned Asian bloke, quickly became known as Wispa 😬

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IvorLittleun@reddit

Rubber legs. I won't go into why but he drove a Reliant Robin.

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Daisy_bumbleroot@reddit

We had a chemistry teacher called chicken legs

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RaceFan1027@reddit

We have nicknames for most of our current teachers: Fluffy: never tells anyone off and when he does nobody cares because he’s too soft and fluffy to do so. Also befits his comedic behaviour. Midget: predictive text corrected his name to midget when I was texting a friend. Also helps that he’s not very tall. Skeleton: Teacher who looks incredibly old and frail (also been at the school for 40+ years) and is a bit creepy. Wonky eye: has a wonky eye, pretty self explanatory. Chandelier: their surname sounds like the word Zigzag: their surname sounds like the word Shouty: shouts a lot, unnecessarily loudly and takes great pleasure from shouting at people Tall one/young one: pretty self explanatory

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Fabulous-Relative333@reddit

Mr Gell was "pocket billiards Gell" because he made the girls sit at the front and the boys at the back and played pocket billiards throughout every lesson. There's nothing funny about that nickname at all. As far as the school was he was fine. Sadly Mr Clements who was a damn good English teacher was hounded out because he was gay and would molest the boys. Apparently molesting girls is ok but teaching boys about literature isn't. Yorkshire back then was a shitehole.

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Shoddy_Race3049@reddit

Mrs Bunting, became Bum ting, cause she was that indeed, made chemistry easier. Then she was covered by a short substitute who taught us about molar ratios, she became simply 'the mole'

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WalesnotWhales2@reddit

We had a history teacher with a mustache. So naturally his nickname was Hitler.

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Ze_Gremlin@reddit

We had a supply teacher called Mr Norton who was a right oddball.. Even the other teachers thought he was weird. One teacher told us they caught Mr Norton doing some weird stuff on the CCTV feed, including walking round in circles in an empty, unused classroom, and standing staring at the wall whilst underneath a set of stairs for actual hours.. One day, he'd had enough of all the shit kids were giving him and went ballistic, throwing things around the classroom, screaming at folk, smashing up one of the interactive whiteboards.. someone caught the whole thing on their phone and the video, titled "Naughty Norton" became a much shared source of humour in school. He did not take to that nickname very well either

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pissbuckit666@reddit

Mini Hitler, she was tiny and filled with hate.

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barriedalenick@reddit

Numb-bum for Mr Winterbottom

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SpaTowner@reddit

Oh, we had a Mrs Ramsbottom, aka ‘Sheep’s bum’.

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babyformulaandham@reddit

Headteacher's initials were P D so he became P Diddy. Deputy head was Mr Smith so he was forever known as Smithers.

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GreenWoodDragon@reddit

Biology teacher we all called Mr Bum Nose, because he had one of those noses with two lobes at the tip. I have no idea what his actual surname was, it's a long time ago now.

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culturerush@reddit

We had a teacher Mr Hines, we used to call him beans because of Heinz beans and because he had a bit of a lisp so presumably said beans funny but we never found out for sure Mr Rosser was a PE teacher who was a bit of a knob. You can guess what we called him, unfortunate name to go into the teaching profession with

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SwingyWingyShoes@reddit

Mr Alcock knew what he was getting into.

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Gaoler86@reddit

Mr Woodcock was nicknamed "Splinter Dick" we were not very imaginative. Also, and I swear down this is true, we had a teacher whose actual legal name was Roger Ring.

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Deformedpye@reddit

Miss Turd, scratchy ball.

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Ulfgeirr88@reddit

Physics teacher nicknamed Camel Breath because his breath was foul. We also had a history teacher that we nicknamed Beetroot because he was short, rotund and very red faced

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Johhnymaddog316@reddit

One of our teachers was rumoured to have been a porn star, so we called her Deep Throat Davis. A few years after I left my younger sister told me that somebody had got hold of one of their dad's old porn mags and she was apparently in it.

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Jonseroo@reddit

My daughter has a teacher called Miss Sturman who she calls Mister Man. Better than the teacher at my school called Bopper. Because he punched kids in the face. Also we had a chemistry teacher whose whole face was a bushy black beard. We called him Fanny Face.

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sklatch@reddit

We had a history teacher whose nickname (known by every kid in the school) was Bonehead. To this day I don’t know why. And god forbid he ever heard you say it.

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Pier-Head@reddit

Cod. We had a teacher that only breathed through his mouth.

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bowen7477@reddit

Ms condin. We called her ms condom. I'm not any brighter now.

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LikeEveryoneSheKnows@reddit

Fair play to her for going into the teaching profession. She had to have known a nickname like that was on the cards.

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Rasty_lv@reddit

We had few. Steve Jobs. We had teacher who looked exactly like him. Turtle neck and all. Except he was older and always had his Nokia brick with him on leather pouch on his belt.. Then we had gnome. He looked like a garden gnome. Just put him on red hat and exact copy. He was always grumpy, grey short and sharp beard, always wore a long trench coat.. This will be lost in translation, but we had quite old and bitchy math teacher. Her surname translates to English as 1 letter away from nail (her surname was Nagle and word for nail in latvian is Nagla). And we called her as our pain in butt. Phrase in latvian is something like "she is like a nail in our butt". So we called her nail.

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BobBobBobBobBobDave@reddit

There was one teacher who was known as spade face, because she had a really flat face and it looked like she had been hit with a spade. In hindsight, that wasn't very kind.

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hunger_chamber69@reddit

Jam Jar Man because he always wore those check shirts that look like a Bonne Maman lid. Abs, he looked like that hitchhiker from There's Something About Mary. So every time we saw him we'd do that bit, 'No! No, no, not 6! I said 7. 7 chipmunks twirlin’ on a branch, eatin’ lots of sunflowers on my uncle’s ranch. You know that old children’s tale from the sea. It’s like you’re dreamin’ about Gorgonzola cheese when it’s clearly Brie time, baby.'

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Bill_Hubbard@reddit

Fish faced Farragher!

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No_Doughnut3257@reddit

One teacher was bald so he was called Roger egg. His wife was also a teacher at the school so she was Pam egg. They were both sound to be fair.

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