How to say ‘hate you all, not coming to Christmas party, without losing job?

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'I'm sorry, I'm not able to attend' I mean seriously, why the fuck do you need advice on how not to be an utter arsehole to other people?

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This sub lately is something.

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Tell them you need to go and unclog your toilet in extraordinary graphic detail

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My friend has a colleague, Linda. She (apparently) shits herself whenever there is something she doesn’t want to do. Gets her out of everything!

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Yeah I can see that working, probably too well

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You could always consult the 5 other threads on this exact question

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Swear this is asked multiple times a day.

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Yeah average socially inept redditor

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Say 'I have a slight aversion to a majority of my co-workers so I will not be in attendance at the festive gathering'.

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"I've got other plans".

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.. “I have to spend enough time with cunts at work, fuck do I want to socialise with you aswell” ..

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I have a family thing that night and my gran might not see another Christmas.

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A friend used to tell people she was having her hair cut when she didn't want to go to events.

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"No thanks, it's not really my thing"