How do I turn down a work Christmas Dinner invitation?

Posted by throwaway94639w7r6e7@reddit | AskUK | View on Reddit | 434 comments

I work a generic office job. The whole team is going to go out somewhere for Christmas Dinner (undetermined time and location). It will likely be during a lunch break. I'm not paid enough for this job as it is, nevermind spending my lunch forced to make conversation with Jill from recruitment. I'd rather pull my teeth. How do I get out of this without looking like a dick?

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434 Comments

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Kirstemis@reddit

So, what was the outcome?

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LeeHoddenIne@reddit

>undetermined time and location I mean...lets at least wait until you know what, when and where it is before you start moaning mate! people might think you're grumpy! Might end up being free lunch just down the road! And you don't like anyone you work with? There's no one you get along with? >nevermind spending my lunch forced to make conversation with Jill from recruitment. What's that saying? If everywhere you go smells like shit, check your shoes. ----- Wrong sub anyway, you want r/BritishProblems. There's no discussions to be had here, over than pointing out you're being overly negative. (which is basically what the other sub welcomes!)

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jaderebeccal@reddit

What a really rude thing to say to someone. Some people find conversation with people they’re not close to exhausting. I wouldn’t have wanted to go for a company meal at the last office I worked in. I’d have felt much more at peace eating pasta on my own in the quiet. Not everyone enjoys social interaction; there’s no need to be a dick about it and make out like they’re an arsehole because of it. Maybe Jill from recruitment shares your attitude? It’d make sense then why they don’t wanna spend time with her.

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StardustOasis@reddit

>Some people find conversation with people they’re not close to exhausting They aren't exactly going to build relationships if they don't talk to people they aren't close to.

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jaderebeccal@reddit

Why do they need to build relationships with those people though? A working relationship is perfectly fine.

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PinkSudoku13@reddit

>There's no one you get along with at work? > >What's that saying? If everywhere you go smells like shit, check your shoes. you don't have to like people you work with but it doesn't mean you're on the wrong term with them. You can be polite and still not want to spend time with them. It doesn't mean there's a problem with OPs behaviour or their coworker's behaviour.

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RainbowPenguin1000@reddit

Honestly just go. Its 1-2 hours of your life, you get a meal out of it and who knows you might actually enjoy talking to Jill from recruitment.

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AvocadosAtLaw95@reddit

Does it count as “getting a meal out of it” when OP is paying for it themselves?

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ComradeBirdbrain@reddit

Yes only us poor saps in the public sector pay 😒

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docju@reddit

I work for a large financial organisation and have to pay for mine.

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SwordTaster@reddit

Why are you assuming only public sector pay? I work for tesco, we always have to pay ours too

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AvocadosAtLaw95@reddit

Sure, but I have no idea where it works elsewhere and whether it’s the norm to pay or not.

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SwordTaster@reddit

I'm pretty sure it's very much the norm outside of some very specific industries

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nandos1234@reddit

Exactly, so much whinging over nothing lol

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hacknix@reddit

Well not really. Some people really don't like things like this or find them intensely difficult and stressful do even really can't cope with them. They shouldn't have to explain why, that's private. Being pressured just causes these people intense stress and anxiety and is a form of harassment.

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nandos1234@reddit

It’s not harassment to be invited to a Christmas dinner, wise up.

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hacknix@reddit

Pressuring someone to come when they declined and expecting a reason is. Wise up.

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doesntevengohere12@reddit

Someone saying 'why are you not joining us?' is not harassment. Fucks sake some people are ridiculous.

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hacknix@reddit

You obviously didn't read the post properly then.

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doesntevengohere12@reddit

I read it alright thank you. I stand by what I said.

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hacknix@reddit

You very obviously didn't 🤣

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Da5ren@reddit

Chances are, they are just inviting OP to be polite but the feeling is probably mutual

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Mavericks7@reddit

And no work! Only time I come to the office now is if its someone birthday ans were doing lunch!

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NorthernSoul1977@reddit

You would almost certainly enjoy your time with Jill from recruitment if this was the 80s/90s. These days it's probably more likely that Jill will be recruiting for your role the following Monday if talks strays beyond work chat... Actually, that's probably not true - I'm sure we're not as collectively uptight as many would have us believe. Go nuts, I say. We'll all be replaced by AI bots soon enough.

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Dirtynrough@reddit

Really ? Have you actually met Jill ? She thinks her office is haunted by a poltergeist, but no one had told her that she’s so dull even her spider plant was driven to yeet itself of the filing cabinet to avoid spending time with her !!!

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waitwutholdit@reddit

Jill's an absolute cracker, you've just got to give her time to come out of her shell. Last year her and the other HR ladies had an impromptu wet tshirt competition, pouring jugs of beer on each other, then Jill went home with the IT guy.

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Dirtynrough@reddit

lol. Calling bullshit on your story, no one in IT is going home with a woman. They all lose the ability to make eye contact if a woman goes in there with clothing that even hints at anything anatomical !

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waitwutholdit@reddit

Nah this guy was pretty good, normal. He was let go not long after though, not sure why.

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phatboi23@reddit

i feel attacked but seen.

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amiserabledevoidlife@reddit

I'd rather watch paint dry.

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Ted_Hitchcox@reddit

I think it's probably because they'll be more people like you there..........

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poptimist185@reddit

No-one’s saying the op has to act like they’re all best buddies but sometimes misanthropy is more tedious than an office lunch.

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marti_23@reddit

why this seems so hard to understand. I am not being paid to socialise with coworkers. Im paid to do the job. I've got a life and friends outside work. why I should waste my time with them? I prefer to go on my own and talk over the phone to the people who mean something to me or go for a walk while they are out.

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MaddisonSplatter@reddit

What!

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Ted_Hitchcox@reddit

People who DGAF what you want.

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MaddisonSplatter@reddit

So you’re on the side that OP shouldn’t suck it up and spend at most 2 hours with his colleagues and should be a miserable recluse instead? I’m sure that’ll work out well for them.

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Blessed_Tits@reddit

Why are socialites like this? Lmao "Oooh miserable arse" lmao have you ever considered some people aren't too eager to spend time with judgemental twats like this? "be exactly like me or you're a sad recluse" How pathetic. Grow up. For what it's worth I would go to the party, but I DGAF if someone doesn't want to or prefers time alone. Seriously, extroverts need to get a grip.

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somerandomnew0192783@reddit

A socialite is someone who can handle going to a work lunch to you? Seriously, that's how low the bar is?

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somethatwander@reddit

Lol. Calling other judgemental twats when you've already universally decided everyone is terrible for little to no reason

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MaddisonSplatter@reddit

Ok, enjoy being a misanthrope that’s unable to create or maintain any meaningful relationships with other humans I suppose

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bakeyyy18@reddit

We're not just individuals floating round in space... it's nice to talk to people too

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jokennate@reddit

Agreed, an office party Christmas lunch might not be the most exciting thing in the world but it's fine. Make some mindless chatter, have a bit of food, probably finish work early for the day. It's evening office Christmas parties I hate. When I worked office jobs I'd always skip them, or show up for the first half hour and leave. I would get so much second-hand embarrassment from how people would act and how drunk some people would get. I just wanted no part of any of it. But an office lunch? Easy, might even be a bit fun. Also if the OP thinks they'll be behind on work if they go for hat one lunch - well, then that's the only excuse they need.

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Substantial_Page_221@reddit

Lunch is a good time to talk in a setting some managers would feel comfortable enough to bitch

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Choc113@reddit

Used to hate this "you might actually enjoy it" social situations crap. I never ever ever did. Being a on the spectrum antisocial non drinker who hates crowds and loud noise at that time the "work Xmas party" or similar thing was akin to torture honestly. And where do they get off thinking they know what I like better than me anyway? Have they actually met me? I would think it was obvious what I am like. But nooooo they are always convinced that everyone is a social creature underneath and people like me are deluding themselves or shy or something. If they wouldn't let up for years saying "how do you know you won't like it if you haven't tried it" I would sometimes actually go to the thing whatever it was. Hate it and tell them so in no uncertain terms afterwards. It was a small sacrifice to get them of my back.

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kavik2022@reddit

This. Tbh for a couple of hours at lunch. And a opportunity to maybe finish early I'd just go.

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NotDavid-Jatt@reddit

Why are redditors incapable of talking to other humans? Just say no.

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Revolutionary_Oil897@reddit

Not everyone wants to alienate their coworkers. A clever excuse is better than a straight out "no, don't want to socialise with you ".

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SelfSeal@reddit

But the OP does obviously want to alienate their coworkers because they don't want to socialise with them... But their isn't anything wrong with that because surely every workplace has the people who just want to get on with their job. It's much better just to say "no thanks" than make up some excuse which people will see right through and then wonder why they felt the need to lie.

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Faithiepoo@reddit

One person not socialising with a group of people is not alienating anyone

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SelfSeal@reddit

I would say it is because people won't actively socialise with someone at work who clearly doesn't want to.

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Faithiepoo@reddit

That means they are alienating themselves not others.

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SelfSeal@reddit

No, it doesn't. If you actively avoid social contact with people, then you will alienate them because they will no longer want to socialise with you.

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Faithiepoo@reddit

No that's not how it works. To alienate someone means to isolate them from a group. They are the group. If she was refusing to socialise with one person, she would be alienated that person:

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SelfSeal@reddit

Well, the dictionary disagrees with you: https://www.oxfordlearnersdictionaries.com/definition/english/alienate#:~:text=%E2%80%8Balienate%20somebody%20(from%20something,belong%20in%20a%20particular%20group The example sentence they use mentions a group: "His comments have alienated a lot of young voters." In this case, the group is "young voters". So you can say "The OP's actions have alienated a lot of his coworkers" which is a perfectly acceptable use of the word.

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Revolutionary_Oil897@reddit

There is a huge gap between not wanting to socialise with your coworkers, and alienating the whole office. OP will need a help from one of them sooner or later, coming up with an excuse will allow to show that OP is only interested in a professional relationship. Even a transparent excuse. I would rather hear an obvious lie than a straight no. I would think of it as the most polite way to decline an invitation, and I wouldn't take it personally.

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paenusbreth@reddit

The problem with excuses is that people can try to accommodate them or work around them. You can just say something like "It sounds good, but big meals out aren't really my cup of tea and I'm afraid I won't be joining. Hope you guys have a great time." That will concretely get the message across, while still being friendly but also having no room for anyone to really argue with it. If they do, you can just politely, but firmly, reiterate your lack of interest. I really despise the idea that the whole world should just succumb to the culture of bullshit and petty lies at every turn, particularly in a professional setting. If you can't communicate your needs in a calm, friendly and polite manner in circumstances like this, how can you do so with more high-stakes work issues?

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ladyatlanta@reddit

I’ve tried to do something similar this year with secret Santa. I don’t want to do it this year because I know I’ll get someone I don’t like. Told the member of staff who asked me that I can’t afford to this year. I’m saving for a house and to get a car very soon (don’t have either, still live with parents and share a car - which she knows). Then a snide comment was made about how I earn “loads more than her, despite me seeming to do less work”. Julie, regardless of your opinion, I earn what I what I earn, you earn what you earn and my priorities are different from yours. If you don’t like the amount you’re paid go work for a for-profit. She knows I’m a team lead, and in a completely different department, so we don’t do the same work. She can fuck right off.

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whatchagonnado0707@reddit

>It sounds good, but big meals out aren't really my cup of tea "Thats cool, they do nibbles and snacks too and steve is coming for a drink as he's dieting. See you friday" Better response is "no thanks, I appreciate the offer and hope you have a good time". The more you justify the more you have to continue justifying. Just say no but be really polite and pleasant

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Revolutionary_Oil897@reddit

That's the clever excuse I was talking about

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SplurgyA@reddit

I mean, that still is a lie, if you do in fact like big meals out and just don't want to have a big meal out with *colleagues*. Although admittedly lying about that is probably a better approach than inventing an excuse. If you didn't lie and just said "I don't want to go for dinner with people I work with", then that would be something else.

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paenusbreth@reddit

Unless the solicitors are involved, I think you can get away with it. In any case, "it isn't my cup of tea" absolutely covers "I don't want to hang out with you lot specifically". It's just the polite way of saying it.

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starsandbribes@reddit

Hot take - if you don’t want to spend time with co-workers and find them dreary, then you don’t get to have the benefits that others do that HAVEN’T alienated them and actually make an effort. Can’t have your cake and eat it too.

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WhatWouldSatanDo@reddit

OP isn’t getting any cake because he’s flaking out of a free Christmas meal.

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ccl-now@reddit

The point is that it's not free.

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shammy_dammy@reddit

Free?

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Greggy398@reddit

Work Xmas dos generally are covered by the company

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Boredpanda31@reddit

I've worked for 6 different companies - 3 private, 3 public sector... 1 of them paid for the work christmas night out. Every other one I've had to pay for myself. Especially in the public sector (could you imagine we just started spending taxpayers money on our night out?!)

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SelfSeal@reddit

That's a bit strange that you think an obvious lie is more polite than just saying "no thanks, I don't feel like going". I would say that coming up with an excuse that is a blatant lie is the opposite of professional. Just because you say no to going out doesn't mean people will refuse to help you professionally.

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Revolutionary_Oil897@reddit

"I don't feel like going" is implying that OP doesn't have an issue with spending time with coworkers, what is a lie, and something I would rather here than no, thanks. Looks like we are on the same side, we're splitting hair now. Obviously when I said obvious lie, I meant "I'm sorry, i have an emergency dentist appointment ", or "I forget it was today and made other plans". Not "my dinosaur needs a haircut".

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doubleblastdouble@reddit

But what if you dinosaur _did_ need a haircut? What then?

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AcceptableRecord8@reddit

this is correct - no one cares if you bail out of the christmas do - in fact many will have increased respect for OP

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poe_dameron2187@reddit

OP isn't going to alienate the whole office by not wanting to go to office Christmas dinner.

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altm2@reddit

What a shitty answer that is so clearly en mass supported by non-inclusives. Just cause I don’t wanna sit down and have a three course meal, be forced into a money-spending activity, and probably have alcohol involved, means I’m alienating you? Sounds pretty manipulative to me

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SelfSeal@reddit

Christmas Dinners are paid for by the company, so it's not a "money-spending activity". If someone doesn't want to socialise with their work colleagues even when it means they are getting something free meal and extra time away from work then they obviously aren't a social kind of person. Maybe "alienate" is too strong of a word for you, but they are attempting to get people to socialise less with them. But this isn't a bad thing, some people don't want to socialise at work and that's perfectly acceptable so I'm not saying it in a negative way.

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hc104168@reddit

Christmas meals are definitely not always paid for by the company. I worked at a large high-tech company for 20 years. I think we had a couple of Christmas meals paid for. But perks like that are the first thing to go when times are tough. Mostly they were organised by small departmental teams, and we had to pay.

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SplurgyA@reddit

Not wanting to socialise with colleagues isn't the same as wanting to alienate them. British social etiquette hinges on indirectness. If you have colleagues who frequently invite you to go to drinks, you can politely decline by repeatedly making excuses ("I'd love to but unfortunately I'm visiting friends so I need to head off sharp!", "Thank you for the invite but I'm feeling a bit under the weather so I'll have to miss it" etc). It maintains amicability. Flat out stating "I don't want to socialise with work colleagues" is too direct and will be perceived as hostile and rude. Maybe OP legitimately hates their work colleagues or maybe they just don't mind them but have no desire to sociaoise - either way, OP still has to work with them, and therefore they don't want to be rude or hurt anyone's feelings. You can argue "it shouldn't be perceived as rude if you directly state you don't want to socialise with work colleagues" or even "I wouldn't find it rude if someone said that to me", but that doesn't change it will likely be received that way. The challenge OP faces is that this is at lunchtime (so there's no excuses as with after work plans) and also well in advance (so you can't claim you're feeling ill). Could still try something like "I've got an old friend coming to stay that day, so I was going to go see them for lunch and give them a set of my spare keys".

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WhatWouldSatanDo@reddit

That’s a shit excuse tbh

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Snoopy5876@reddit

Why do you feel the need to explain why you are refusing? Simply, no, thank you.

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Slothjitzu@reddit

On the other hand, I've always flat out said no to work events i don't want to go. Most people are bad liars and most lies are pretty see-through. Making excuses generally makes you look like a bit of a twat IMO. If you just say you don't want to do it, people tend to appreciate the honesty of it.

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Scarred_fish@reddit

That's not what they said. The said say "no". That's it. No need to alienate anyone or makeup lies. It really is that simple.

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Ok-Train5382@reddit

And then their boss and literally everyone else wonders or asks, why. Better to head off the why early

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Scarred_fish@reddit

I am 51 years old and have never been asked "why" to any similar decision. That would be exceptionally weird.

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WillGrindForXP@reddit

I am 36 and have been asked why many times. What's your point?

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Choc113@reddit

Sometimes I am glad I have aspergers. It makes it very easy to not give a fuck what people think. If they asked me why l would say "because I don't want to". If they where offended or stopped talking to me I probably didn't even notice.

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doubleblastdouble@reddit

Lol, as a fellow sperg, I can tell you you probably come off as an asshole sometimes. Why care? Because you will one day learn that people's perceptions of you do matter, specifically when you want people's cooperation. Yes it is stupid. But you also operate that way. You are more likely to do good work and make an effort if the work impacts or is collaborative with a person you are fond of.

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Choc113@reddit

You are probably right. I am talking about 20 or 30 years ago now I think about it. When I was a stupid teen who didn't need anyone, or so I thought. It's only as you get older you realise how usefully other people can be.

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UnderpantsInfluencer@reddit

You know what they meant, you're just being difficult.

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pm_me_ur_unicorn_@reddit

Exactly. Just saying "No" with no follow up could definitely potentially be seen as aggressive, and not everyone is comfortable with being that forward. Some of us don't want awkwardness in the work place considering these are people we spend a large majority of our awake time with. Hell, even a polite and cheery "No thank you" is still likely going to get asked why not.

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Scarred_fish@reddit

I have genuinely never had that happen or heard of it happening. On what possible level is it better to lie than just say you don't want to go?

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vladutzuli2@reddit

I can't tell if this is sarcasm or not. Saying "No" without justification or some type of reason comes across as overly direct (borderline rude) in pretty much any situation unless you're very very familiar/close to that person, and in this case leaves lots of room for interpretation, specifically for the interpretation of "no, I dont like your company" which most people would default to and take offence to.

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This_Rom_Bites@reddit

No borderline about it: it comes across as rude! Even if it's cushioned with a "thanks". My partner gets away with it because she's autistic; I'm just not sociable, and I get judged to hell and back.

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Scarred_fish@reddit

That's just utterly bizarre: "Hi, we're having a christmas lunch, will you come?" "No thanks, hope you have fun." "No problem, cheers" How can simple conversations like that be misinterpreted?

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vladutzuli2@reddit

Being overly direct in british culture comes across as rude, thats one thing.

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pm_me_ur_unicorn_@reddit

I've literally just explained why in my comment...

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Dogstile@reddit

"Sorry, i've got other plans". Then go do something else that lunch. Doesn't even have to be anything massive, go to a park and read or something, come back at the end of lunch, after having done your "thing".

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CandidLiterature@reddit

There’s not even a date set yet haha so maybe not straight in there with that one…

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nowayhose555@reddit

I usually just say no to any meals, no ambiguity. But now they are having a Christmas staff day, quizzes and cake etc during the workday and other activities. I'd prefer to just work and not be forced to celebrate Christmas TBH, I'm not sure if that makes me miserable.

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whatmichaelsays@reddit

>Not everyone wants to alienate their coworkers OP says he'd rather pull his teeth out than spend time with them. I think we're beyond that point.

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IhaveaDoberman@reddit

"I'll pass, thanks for the invite though. Money's a bit tight at the moment and it's not really my thing anyway". If you can't say that without alienating people then they're either assholes you're better off alienating or you're the problem.

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Revolutionary_Oil897@reddit

That is one example of an excuse I was talking about. If I remember it correctly, OP mentioned that the lunch is paid by the company, so maybe not the best excuse.

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IhaveaDoberman@reddit

If it's paid for, then you obviously don't say the money part.

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Greggy398@reddit

Just fucking go to it at that point. Sounds much easier. It's 30mins of your life and it's free food. Everyone is so anti social.

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clairem208@reddit

I can't see any comments from op. But if it really is a company paid for lunch and it's not a big distance to travel then I say suck it up and go. There are good reasons for not wanting to give up evenings or spend money for work colleagues. But no excuses good enough to avoid a free work Christmas lunch that don't make you look like you hate everyone and sour relations.

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TawnyTeaTowel@reddit

If you can’t think of a clever enough excuse, maybe alienation is right for you

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Witch_of_Dunwich@reddit

How is saying “no” going to alienate anyone? I’ve not been on any social events in the last few years and I’m treated no differently to someone who has. Sure, you’ll miss out on some in-jokes from the night, but attending social gatherings has no effect on doing your job or building relationships in the workplace.

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palishkoto@reddit

It could come across as not wanting to spend time with the other people (who, while OP doesn't seem to particularly like them, might like him/her!) seeing as OP's going to be in work anyway and it's held during their lunchbreak, so they're choosing an empty office over a free meal because they don't want to spend time with those coworkers.

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Witch_of_Dunwich@reddit

Right, and that is fine. Nobodies job description says they have to attend social events or socialise with other employees outside of working with them.

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clairem208@reddit

Nobodies job description says it, but that's irrelevant because they aren't worried about being fired. They are worried about social cohesion and not alienating colleagues they have to work with. Not going to a work lunch once a year does risk creating social rifts.

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palishkoto@reddit

My point was that saying no could be seen as rude (replying to your question of "how is saying "no" going to alienate anyone?") - it's saying that s/he'd rather spend the lunchbreak in the office or Pret or wherever than have a paid Christmas meal, because s/he doesn't want to spend time with the rest of the team.

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Witch_of_Dunwich@reddit

Whether or not someone sees something as rude is down to them interpreting the situation. If “no thank you” is seen as rude, that’s done on them, not OP.

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palishkoto@reddit

Oh well, kind of renders your question pointless then!

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SplurgyA@reddit

Nobody's saying OP has to go to the Christmas lunch, the point is OP's direct refusal ("No thanks, I'm not interested") could be seen as rude. Indirectness is a big part of British etiquette.

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Witch_of_Dunwich@reddit

How about you read the post I was replying to, instead of making sweeping statements that aren’t true. I’m replying because that other guy literally said: > “It could come across as not wanting to spend time with the other people (who, while OP doesn't seem to particularly like them, might like him/her!) seeing as OP's going to be in work anyway and it's held during their lunchbreak, so they're choosing an empty office over a free meal because they don't want to spend time with those coworkers” Nowhere in here does it talk about being direct or indirect.

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starsandbribes@reddit

OP doesn’t get to have the benefit of not spending time with co-workers, and also having them like him. It just doesn’t work that way. If you find it impossible to have one lunch a year with co-workers, then you obviously don’t care what they think of you. People who aren’t as arrogant about their personal time deserve the benefits of doing things like this and making better relationships.

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flingeflangeflonge@reddit

And they can't think of an excuse?

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Revolutionary_Oil897@reddit

Only OP can answer that

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somerandomnew0192783@reddit

Sorry I've got lunch planned with someone else that day already

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somerandomnew0192783@reddit

"sorry I'm busy that night"

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Fred776@reddit

If they were bothered about not alienating them, surely they would just go for the sodding lunch.

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starsandbribes@reddit

This is the thing! You can’t be like “oh i refuse to even be around them, but I want them to like me as I find that beneficial to my career”. Sorry, you can’t have both.

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Money-Way991@reddit

Yeah buddy sorry but you're actually wrong about this. Straight up lying to your coworkers faces is a terrible move

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Snoopy5876@reddit

Perfect

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kavik2022@reddit

"is it socially acceptable to sit down at work" "Is it normal in the UK to have dogs" "Is it normal in the UK to have food"

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tinasnow-poty@reddit

“How do I send a letter” “How do I make a doctors appointment” “can I order food at a pub” it makes me want to bang my head against a wall. I’m not sure if people are genuinely that stupid and shouldn’t be on the internet unsupervised, or they just fancy a natter or want karma or something.

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767-200@reddit

The “I need a step by step guide on how to get on a bus” post from the other day was excruciating. People like that surely do not exist.

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opopkl@reddit

Trouble is that 98% of people catching the same bus know what they're doing and will tut and huff at any hesitation on behalf of OP.

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tinasnow-poty@reddit

Lord, I just had a look. I cannot imagine how exhausting their life must be. And all the comments like “you’re valid, no one teaches this stuff”. Right, yet somehow millions of people manage to catch a bus for the first time every day without needing a step by step breakdown

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Feckthecat@reddit

What about the ones that don’t?

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tinasnow-poty@reddit

What’s stopping them from asking the bus drivers the person whose job it is to help them? I don’t think that level of helplessness, where they can’t even speak to staff, is normal.

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WarmTransportation35@reddit

It's litteral observation and if nobody else is getting on then the driver is there to help you.

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kavik2022@reddit

Like, I just took a stab at buying a lightbulb and failed because I thought I could remember the fitting. I blundered through it. Like a adult

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StardustOasis@reddit

I've made the same mistake before. Now I take the old bulb with me.

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tinasnow-poty@reddit

You didn’t make a post asking a simple question you could have figured out the answer yourself? AskUK card revoked.

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kavik2022@reddit

Fair.

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767-200@reddit

The “I need a step by step guide on how to get on a bus” post from the other day was excruciating. People like that surely do not exist.

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767-200@reddit

The “I need a step by step guide on how to get on a bus” post from the other day was excruciating. People like that surely do not exist.

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ImmediateLaw3681@reddit

You forgot the most important part, they don't want to look like a "dick" so they need an elaborate excuse which is believable but also doesn't make them look like a dick. Don't know why they can't just say "Thanks, but no thanks"

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JackXDark@reddit

Completely serious and not kidding here even slightly, but at one place I worked I was asked to a Christmas dinner and just sent a basic ‘no’ as an RSVP to the initial invite. Then I got cornered by the organiser and asked why I’d said no. I told her that I was budgeting and it wasn’t in my budget. She then said she’d pay for me. Awkward. So I was more honest, and said ‘I’m sorry, but I don’t really celebrate Christmas and find social gatherings like that quite stressful’. She just completely didn’t get that, and said ‘oh no, it’ll be lovely, there’ll be drink and music and all of us who you know and it’s Christmas so you’ve got to have some fun…’ … I wasn’t expecting that and didn’t really know what to say, and as I considered that to be really inconsiderate, I replied pretty directly, along the lines of ‘please take no for an answer and don’t ask again. Not everyone enjoys Christmas. I find it difficult and stressful for personal reasons that I’m not willing to discuss. Sorry, I don’t want to offend you but this is making me feel very uncomfortable and I’d like you to respect my wishes.’ And then, and I shit you not, she literally got on her knees in front of me and put her hands together in a praying sign thing, and went ‘please please please please please please please please please’. I was pretty taken back but that and said ‘wow… what the hell… no, just no, and if you ask me again or do anything like that again I’m complaining to HR that you’re harassing me’. Which made me the bad guy and had other people ask me what happened and what I’d said to upset her so much… I actually called in sick on the day of the Christmas dinner, so that she didn’t try anything manipulative to try to make me go, or have to have any sort of conversation about it. So, yeah, sometimes it’s not quite so simple as a plain ‘no thanks’ and people get really fucking weird with you when you say you just want to avoid Christmas celebrations.

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LoquatOk966@reddit

If all the things that didn’t happen, this didn’t happen the most.

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JackXDark@reddit

Believe me, I wish it hadn't happened. If I were going to make something up, I'd be a bit more creative than that. Seriously, it happened.

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StardustOasis@reddit

It reads like an AITA post. Basically every post on that sub is teenagers doing creative writing of what they think adult life is like.

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JackXDark@reddit

Why would anyone make something like that up? Oh well, whatever.

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Sharo_77@reddit

It did happen. I'm basing my religion on it. In 600 years we're attacking Israel

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turboRock@reddit

What you se as conflict and what everyone else sees it as are often wildly different. Some people order a black coffee, but get a white, and view talking to the staff as conflict.

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villiers19@reddit

Redditors will come to cry on Reddit that no one speaks to then and they are lonely. Yet you’ll find historical posts like this from them

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CompetitiveAd1338@reddit

Maybe he needs/wants to keep his job livelihood and not create an atmosphere or future risk of resentment or detrimental consequences/singling out/finding excuses to fire someone in the future, gaslight/targeted harassment , workplace bullying… etc etc etc Its quite a common thing for most people/employees.

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Qazex@reddit

My mum recently said she didn’t want to attend the after work Christmas dinner and the office manager had an issue with that and wanted a reason!

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Choc113@reddit

Best thing to do here is to shame them into feeling bad by saying its private and when asked again say something like you have a doctors appointment for something serious, but personal at that time. Hopefully they will feel bad for asking and never ask you anything like that again. If asked how it went at a later date say it was all fine and thanks for asking that will make them feel good for being a caring person and you will have turned hostility into friendship which can be useful down the line.

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Qazex@reddit

Considering the office manager thought it appropriate to email the entire department to tell them exactly why my mum was in hospital one time, I wouldn’t put it past her to push for that reason either!

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Choc113@reddit

That's why you don't say what it's for just that you have an appointment. If pushed say its to get results of tests but you don't understand the scientific names the doc was telling you. Or even say you didn't take in what they where saying because you where scared. Show vulnerability to garner sympathy

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Enough-Ad3818@reddit

If everyone was comfortable with social interaction, Reddit wouldn't exist.

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OtterKay@reddit

As someone who's just had to help plan the Christmas party for my department, I literally couldn't care less if people want to go or not or the reason why. I still had to ask multiple times if people could just reply with a 'Not Interested' if they didn't want to go. Mostly, so I knew not to worry about asking them again, and so I couldn't be accused of leaving people out as I'd had a definite no from them. I know not all workplaces are the same, and some people are pushier than others about it, but just say no. You can't be forced to go and don't need to give any reason other than that.

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mas-sive@reddit

Some people over think and create unrealistic scenarios in their head. So they post on Reddit for validation. We’re a weird bunch of social creatures

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Simple_Proposal5903@reddit

Man people on Reddit really hate talking to people irl lmao Just go, it probably won't even be that bad

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Turbulent_Career8973@reddit

Say no thanks or tell them you're a Jehovah's witness

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doesntevengohere12@reddit

Posts like this do make me chuckle. I've found in my 40 odd years on this earth that if I smile and politely say 'No thank you but thank you so much for the invite' the majority of people just take it at face value and that's that. Sure on the day of the meal if it's within work time or straight from work you will have the odd person ask if you're going and maybe follow up with a 'how come you're not joining us' type of question to which you just give some vague answer about workload/life plans and go on your merry way.

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ProblemIcy6175@reddit

You should just go because speaking to people and being polite over lunch is something you need to do in life. If you really don't wanna go just say you don't want to go how hard is it really

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SinkiePropertyDude@reddit

"Hey all, sorry but I won't be able to make it for the Christmans lunch. I know, I know, but I have no choice as I am getting a parasite removed from my left testicle. The doctor says it's almost 72 feet long if uncoiled if you can believe that, haha! And now it's posing a threat to my cat and other small pets when it crawls out at night, and the neighbour already lost his chihuahua. So I'm going to have to be at the WHO Containment Facility for a real quick operation over lunch, and it really can't wait. I'll see you all back at the office afterward, if you can still recognise me then. Have a good one!"

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TravellingAmandine@reddit

Can you work from home that day? Say you have a dentist appointment booked for that day which can’t be rescheduled.

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OkMeaning3578@reddit

Do what I done only yesterday- I was asked if I’m going to the Christmas staff night out ? I replied ‘ No ‘ and carried on with what I was doing - i didn’t make a story or an excuse or a big explanation - one word answer was sufficient

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icenymph1@reddit

Have you tried not being a seething loser? What did Jill from recruiting ever do to you

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blodauwedd@reddit

*enter Jill's BFF, Jane from accounting*

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icenymph1@reddit

I don’t work in an office because I’m not a loser

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SubstantialAd283@reddit

I’d just say you need to keep lunch times free because you’re waiting for a dental appointment

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SubstantialAd283@reddit

Or, my go to excuse is “I can’t afford it”

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GreenEyedCat@reddit

Just say 'No, thank you' I worked in a school for years and years that had massive christmas parties and was trying to get them booked in as early as the prior fucking July. I just told them, truthfully, I really dont like Christmas, I celebrate with my family, and thats it, I can't stand the rest of it, dont even really enjoy Christmas meals but its once a year, and my mum makes a bang up Christmas dinner so I'll have that.  Doing more than one celebration completely overwhelms me, and I just dont want to. So I wont. Thats usually enough, but If they push I will let them know I had a relative really traumatically die at christmas as well so if they really MUST know, thats also why, its not a good time of year for me (and thats true too, its not a lie, I just dont want to break it out right away like some self defence)

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formal-monopoly@reddit

You can't get out of it without looking like a dick. A childish dick. Just go, something good might happen.

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OkName69@reddit

Just say you are not interest? LOL Why would you sound a dick for not being interested on a particular lunch gathering?

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Live_Recipe4866@reddit

You think that’s bad- we have to pay for our own Christmas lunch 😂 it’s always shite I just never go and I just say I can’t afford it which is true tbh

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storm_in_a_tea_cup@reddit

"no thanks, I don't do social events for work" worked for my mum for the last 22years. They still love her.

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Slight-Winner-8597@reddit

Get the date and time and say that while you'd love to be there, it clashes with kid's nativity play, visiting family out of town, sitting for someone who you confirmed with ages ago and can't let them down, literally anything. Just wait until you get the date and let your face fall in disappointment dramatically.

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mikebenb@reddit

Complain of toothache and how it's impossible to get an appointment and the best they can do is put you on a list in case someone cancels. Say yes to the invite and then when it comes around, tell them you've just had a call from the dentist and you have to go.

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cloud1445@reddit

|How do I get out of this without looking like a dick? You won’t. Because at the end of the day it is a bit of a dick move to not want to put some time in chatting to your workmates once a year. But it’s not a major dick move so if you really don’t want to do it, just don’t go.

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Bazahazano@reddit

Just say you are going to a dentist appointment. Simple.

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Happy_Boy_29@reddit

Just be up front and tell them it is out of your price league what with cost o living and you know what. Alternatively be seen as a dick, probably preferable to having teeth pulled.

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Outrageous-Garlic-27@reddit

Stop being a dick and go to your team lunch. Maybe also find another job if you dislike Jill from HR so much.

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hesgotarobitbrain@reddit

People like you do my head in, it’s your job and my bet is that people there are generally very nice to you and make an effort. Just make an effort back for an hour.

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seriousrikk@reddit

Are they paying for lunch?

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ccl-now@reddit

It's ok to say no. You are under no obligation to attend and you have an excellent reason if anyone pushes you for it.

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No-Accountant1825@reddit

As a huge introvert, these sort of events are my absolute worst nightmare, and I really hate that it isn’t socially acceptable to simply say “thank you for the invitation, but I would rather not”. We all have different preferences and feelings about things, and I really wish that we could just pick and choose what activities we do or do not attend without there being any deeper meaning attached to it. For example, I don’t drink and therefore find going out drinking very boring when everyone else is getting tipsy and I’m drinking my 4th Coke of the night. I want to be able to say “no thanks” to the invite because I don’t like the activity without there being the assumption that it’s a sleight on the other people going. I’m refusing because I don’t like drinking, not because I don’t like the people!

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Ravenbloom63@reddit

Honestly, I would go if I were you. You have to work with these people, and working relationships are important, whether you like it or not. If you have already demonstrated by words or manner that you're not interested in them, not bothering to go to a Christmas lunch is just going to make it worse, even if you come up with an excuse. You spend all day with them at work; they're part of your life even if they're not people you would choose socially. If it's a lunch break, it's only going to be short. I think you can make the effort. Who knows? You may discover that some of these people are actually likeable, and it may make your job much more enjoyable.

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AgnieszkaRocks@reddit

If work is not paying for the meal just say that is the reason you are not going.

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CuteMaterial@reddit

Why do these kind of posts keep getting the OK to remain on this sub? 🙄 Anyway, OP either say "unfortunately I have an appointment at that time" or just go. Some wine will help make the time go quicker.

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Wise-Needleworker-30@reddit

Just say you don't celebrate Christmas or similar. Not all cultures do so shouldn't be an issue?

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YourStupidInnit@reddit

Phone in sick that day.

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nicdic89@reddit

I didn’t want to go to mine this is the convo “Are you coming to the Christmas party” “No it’s not quite my thing so I’ll give it a miss, thanks anyways.” “Ok no problem..” It’s that easy

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RoyofBungay@reddit

Plot twist: OP works from home.

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markBoble@reddit

“I’m not going to be seen with you cunts outside of work” normally works wonders for any future invites too

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Chalkyinsane@reddit

Just do what I do, politely decline, problem solved.

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Easy_Garden@reddit

Gotta agree with the majority of replies here.. you should just go! I used to be the same, always looking for a way to wriggle out of going to those work "forced fun events" or meals etc and I did so for years until I realised I was a right grumpy bastard and needed to start giving it a go. I actually found the people I didn't like as much at work were very different out of the office so was nice to chat. There's almost always people you're just not gonna vibe with and that's fine but a free meal and not looking like a grumpy arse is worth going imo!

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Overito@reddit

Is this r/BritishProblems now?

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Secure-Airport-1599@reddit

Put yourself in the shoes of the person organising it. They are likely a line manager or someone in charge of 'fun'. They likely are not interested in these events either, but understand that an element of socialising helps to bond a team. Problem is that there are always one or two miserable c*nts that like to see the negative of anything. Likely said c**t enjoys being vocal about not wanting to spend time with their coworkers. Word of advice just politely decline. Say you have other plans or are saving money for presents. Try not to be an arse about it. No doubt the person organising would rather someone else does it and when people shit on what they organise it will be deflating for them.

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Plastic-Suggestion95@reddit

I'm that "miserable cunt" who never goes to any work event. I don't know why is somebody miserable cunt for it tho and I definitely don't understand how it's helping with bonding when I go somewhere where I don't want to be and I'm pretending I'm happy there. I just don't care about a single person at work even tho we have good work relationship . But I rather spend that time doing something I enjoy

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redrabbit1984@reddit

It's sad reading posts like this. Why has pay got to do with it? Part of it is about being social, enjoying a break from the normal office job and speaking with colleagues. You may find "Jill" is a good laugh or wants to moan about work. Or that "Dan" is into the same stuff as you. Just go.

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TheRealGabbro@reddit

If it’s in work time you don’t really have a choice; your contract probably says something “and other tasks reasonably expected”. If you really don’t want to go, take a day off. If it was in your own time then that would be a different matter.

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Plastic-Suggestion95@reddit

They can't force you to go for a lunch lol. Lunch is definitely not "reasonably expected" in my eyes. If I'm hired as accountat then everything reasonably expected is part of accountant job. Not a fking lunch

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setokaiba22@reddit

I just don’t get why people are so against going out for a staff meal a few times or even once Judy a year to be honest. Like you must work in really horrible environments that you can’t socialise for a little bit with people you see every day or week. It’s good for you to do it

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Plastic-Suggestion95@reddit

And I just don't get why people don't understand that there are people who are against going out for multiple (personal) reasons. And not everybody feels comfortable being fake and pretend he enjoy it. I'm personally not going to any event ever because I don't care about a single person there. It doesn't mean we have bad relationship or I don't like them. It just means that if any of them leave tomorrow I don't mind at all. And Im not interested in anything from their personal life so why would I go there and listen to that? I can rather spend that time doing what I enjoy

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Tobotron@reddit

If it’s a lunchtime thing you can just suck it up , if it’s an after work thing just say no thanks . I don’t have any contact with work people outside of work hours . I’m pretty up front about it , not in a blunt nasty way but I’m happy to have a chat and a giggle in work time but I see a hard line between work and home and that means no contact out of work hours .

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DasyatisDasyatis@reddit

I'm in the same position myself. My response was, quite literally : "No thanks. I don't want to." And that's the end of it. If you can't see yourself spending an hour with them over lunch then their opinion really doesn't matter.

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Plastic-Suggestion95@reddit

Exactly. I'm in this company for 3 years and every single event we have I just answer ,"I'm not interested" and nobody from management ever asked me for reason. Only one person asked me "why" so far because we have a good relationship so she was curious and I answered "I just don't care about people at work" . Surprisingly she took it well, I thought she will be offended but as I really don't care about those people then I didn't care if she will be offended haha

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amiserabledevoidlife@reddit

"I'm busy working on my projects. Can't attend."

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SaysPooh@reddit

Say “yes” then take the day off sick and the one after or before to help prevent suspicion

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FlanellaCuntbungle@reddit

Simply say “no thanks” when someone asks you if you’re coming. I’m in a minimum wage office job. Lots of colleagues have spouses who’re in well paid jobs so they can afford it. If they push, you could give a reason that you’re saving up for Christmas or you can’t that day (once the date is announced) but it’s really not necessary. Perhaps have another excuse ready in case the boss offers to pay for yours to enable your presence , as I know someone that happened to.

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schmoolet@reddit

“Im going to say a definite no. I’m always absolutely brassic over Christmas and a meal out would be one less present for gf / niece / mum / dad / hamster. I appreciate the invite and you organising it though.”

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T_pas@reddit

“I can’t attend. I have a prior commitment.”

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DoubleeDutch@reddit

Just say: "I'm here to make money, not friends."

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CoffeeIgnoramus@reddit

I mean, you'll still have to work. The lunch will run over. In all my previous jobs, the lunch overran and those who stayed basically had to work while those who went basically had the afternoon off. But those who stayed would usually give some pretty rubbish excuses and everyone understood and just let them get on with their lives in peace. Something like "I'll hold the fort down". Or just tell your boss and say that you appreciate the kind gesture but that you never feel comfortable at Christmas dinners. Personally, I'd rather go and take it easy and just chat for an hour or two than be in the office covering for everyone.

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MrConor212@reddit

Bruh just say no 🤦🏻‍♂️. Had a few managers ask me about ours and I was honestly said i had better things to do. Leave it at that.

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theNikolai@reddit

Just say 'sorry, I'm washing my hair at that exact time.' Works every time.

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marshallno9@reddit

I don't always want to do these things either but it takes a small amount of effort, usually ends up as a free lunch and I generally tend to enjoy them. I bet loads of other people are in the same boat. Who knows, maybe after a few beers with some of the bosses you'll end up on their radar and you might fast track yourself onto the path of getting paid what you say you deserve! (yes I'm aware social events shouldn't play a part in what you earn, it should be down to skill etc.)

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ghostofkilgore@reddit

I suspect the 'not looking like a dick' ship has sailed.

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Willing-Goat2102@reddit

No thank you. If it comes in as an email invite just select the No option. Xoxo

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Harry_Mopper@reddit

Tell them anyway you want. The fact you asked this and stated you don't get paid enough to talk to other humans solidifies your dick status no matter how your phrase it.

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ifamomentisallweare@reddit

I have organised the Christmas meal for the last 5 years for my department, just send an email along the lines of ‘unfortunately I am unable to attend, but thank you for organising and I hope you all have an enjoyable time’. Some responses I get: Sorry but I don’t have enough money Sorry but I just spent a fortune on my car Sorry but I have to save for Christmas presents Sorry but my partners Christmas event is on the same day Sorry but I cannot get someone to look after my child Sorry, I cannot attend The only real frustrating thing throughout this process is when my emails are ignored. I would much rather receive your no, than keep wondering if I should nudge you again (and again).

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Eyeous@reddit

Part of your job is to form close working relationships with your colleagues. You can’t really do that well by sitting at your desk with your earphones in all year. Don’t be miserable and make the effort. Merry Christmas you filthy animal.

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jaderebeccal@reddit

On the day just say you have a headache and need some quiet while everyone else is at lunch so you can make it through the afternoon.

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prettybunbun@reddit

You don’t. People say that these things don’t matter, they do. If you and Jill see both up for promotion, on reasonably equal footing, the boss is going to favour team player Jill who shows up to events and he’s chatted to. I don’t enjoy these things. I’m in a fairly senior role at a young age and all of my colleagues are usually 10+ years older than me. I still rock up, smile and chat, because networking is important.

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ItsTimeNow73@reddit

Exactly this. So many people commenting to say just don't go, say you don't want to, craft an obvious elaborate lie about a hospital appointment or pretend you're going right up until the deposit or full meal price has already been paid and then no show, because who cares if you don't like them why would it affect you. Then also multiple posts saying 'people who earn £xxx or get promoted how did you manage it' (not saying it's the same people but would like to see the venn diagram on this). It's the social contract - if you opt out you can't be surprised when people treat you like you opted out. If you're expected to pay and can't afford it - that's a completely fine reason. But if it's being funded during the normal working day - just suck it up and go.

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ADM_ShadowStalker@reddit

Shit if you get it expensed off or provided for you then who is turning down free meals? In my firm we've always had to pay for our own poxy meals except for one time when our CIO was retiring and stuck it on his company card. Suck it up and say no, or go along for the free meal and braindead smalltalk

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llynglas@reddit

Say you are a devout Jew...

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lyfthyco123@reddit

Parabolic projectile diarrhoea

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blodauwedd@reddit

I mean the obvious solution is to pretend you're really looking forward to it, all in, looking up the menuin advance... Then conveniently ill with a stomach bug the day of. Ah such a shame you had to miss it. Free day off instead.

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NurseDiz@reddit

I would pretend to be up for it then when the date is announced say 'oh no thats when I've got a dentist/doctors appointment- what a shame'.

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JPreadsyourstuff@reddit

"no thanks"

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Electronic_West_1831@reddit

Call in sick on the day of the dinner

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JezzedItRightUp@reddit

Ohhhh, you know Christmas is coming when we start getting the Christmas Party whining posts.

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rocketscientology@reddit

at this point we should probably just have a weekly recurring “my coworker said good morning to me and expected me to say it back; should i quit my job?” thread

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PolgaraEsme@reddit

I had a new hire once say “oh, I don’t say good morning in the mornings” in response to a senior manager greeting her on day 2 of her employment. She didn’t last.

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Greggy398@reddit

How do these people write a CV and get through a job interview but can't say good morning to people?

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PolgaraEsme@reddit

She interviewed really well, good energy, confident, lots of eye contact, lots to say. The person that showed up for work was like a different person.

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AnimeCock@reddit

We need a bingo sheet. I nominate "I don't go to work to make friends" "All my colleagues are horrible" "I spend enough time around them at work"

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Inevitable-Cable9370@reddit

My coworkers are the only reason why my job is bearable. Love the people , hate the work for me .

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marti_23@reddit

Well, but that's true. Many people go to work to make money and have life/friends outside work.

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ElectricFlamingo7@reddit

I'm someone who thinks all of the above and even I wouldn't complain about a free lunch during work hours!

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docju@reddit

Ooh ooh, can I have "they only talk about football, soaps, or Love Island"?

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kwakimaki@reddit

And secret santa shite

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wildgoldchai@reddit

I love work secret Santa. We’re not allowed to spend more than £10

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SwordTaster@reddit

In the same way I've always done it. "No, thank you, I don't want to go."

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SleepyDrakeford@reddit

"No thank you". How do you cope in life?

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Pugsy0202@reddit

God, sounds unfortunate. Say you can't go, simple as that fgs. You'll be doing your colleagues and boss a service by not going. No one will miss you.

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WarmTransportation35@reddit

It may not be fun but these things matter a lot when it comes to your future in the company. Jill from recruitment can let you know about any talks of a new vacancy, you might find an office crush in a department you don't have business with or meet a new workmate. If it's on company's expense then it's basically free food.

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Sharo_77@reddit

My advice as someone who felt the same way is to go. Jill from recruitment probably knew Guns and Roses in the 80s. Ian from accounts spent 2 years travelling and lived with a Thai family working as a canoe guide. Debbie once stopped a bank robbery using angry language. You say you have a dull mainstream office job but think you're interesting. Maybe it's true of the rest of them. Source. I've work in an office for 20 years and almost everyone has a story that makes you go hmmm. I got them fucking wrong. Everyone is real

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_FreddieLovesDelilah@reddit

Phone in sick that day.

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United-Cucumber9942@reddit

Just say yes and then fake something at the last minute. Then you'll still be okay with those you work with and keeps the door open in future if you do want to hang out outside of work moving forward. Do you have a plausible deniability situation anywhere in your life? Old parents that might need a hand with the dishwasher so you can message 'absolute nightmare, helping the olds and think I'm gonna be here a while', fake a leak, and late night plumber. A sibling with a sudden need for childcare cover? Or a migraine or the shits. Both of these require heavy investment with potential time off the next few days, and a trigger source. Or just say, sounds great, would love to come but my uni/school friend/family member is around, haven't caught up in ages and I can't let them down. Then go home and get on the pj's and watch 'What We Do In The Shadows' (if you're not already, Matt Berry is incredible), eat some nice or shit food and see them in the office the next day. You'll definitely have had more fun than them!!!

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Vequihellin@reddit

Tbh when the Outlook invite goes out, I just hit 'Decline: Do not send a response' then if I'm asked, I just say 'I'd rather not, thanks.' Or a simple 'It's not for me, thanks.' No need to be a dick, but just say no in a way that doesn't make excuses. Most of outlr 'work social' events happen out of hours at local venues that aren't actually local for me at all, so usually I just say 'I can't make it' or 'I have another commitment'. I mean, that commitment is to snuggle time in my oodie with my cat but still lol

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Psycho_Candy_@reddit

Say yes and then have a deeply mysterious medical appointment you've been on the list for for ever come up that day, late morning. I mean goodness knows how late they'll be running - you potentially won't make it back to the office in time. Terrible shame.

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TC_FPV@reddit

Can you dlsay "no"? Because that's all it takes, no reason needs to be given

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AvocadosAtLaw95@reddit

I did this once because I despised every person I worked with and they were only worse after a drink or two (I was polite with my “no”) and I got told I had to come because “we’re family” and “it’s how the boss says thank you”. How about she just fucking pay me more than minimum wage?!

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marti_23@reddit

family, lol. we were literally being paid to spend time with them. I wouldn't want to hang out with any of my coworkers outside working hours 😃

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ClevelandWomble@reddit

I agree. I don't enjoy forced social expectations. It's not clinical; I'm not autistic or anything. I just get pissed off when someone decides that this is a thing we are going to do, and I'm expected to fall into line. Eventually, I started to push back, thanking them for the invitation but indicating I wouldn't be taking part. Any requests for my reasoning were met with increasingly terse replies, beginning with. 'It's my personal preference' escalating if required to, 'none of your fucking business.' Politely say 'no thank you' with no explanation and move on.

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Lucie-Solotraveller@reddit

When I worked in an office I got "stuck" on some work and couldn't go. So I just went home early instead as the Xmas lunch was at the end of the shift (We were given an extended 2hr much at the end of the shift for it). Just gave them 10 minutes to leave before I went. Some found out and it ruffled a few feathers. I spent 8 hrs a day for 5 days a week for years with those people, of course I am going to get away from them.

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Keltrain1994@reddit

Say no you don’t fancy it. Simple

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weirds0up@reddit

Is the company paying for the Christmas dinner? If so, tell them to put your money towards a round of drinks for the team

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lianepl50@reddit

Can you just say "No thanks, finances are scarily tight at the moment"?

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marti_23@reddit

I just said: sorry, I don't think I can go. As simple as that 😄

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AdemHoog@reddit

You said it already - pull a tooth

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Top-Hat1126@reddit

Say no thanks

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Gold_Hyena4935@reddit

“Nah,not for me guys. I appreciate the invite though, hope you have a blast!” I accept Paypal, Bitcoin, cold hard cash in an envelope sent Special Delivery…

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SnooOpinions9543@reddit

Whenever I get asked to something I don't want to attend and am asked why I simply reply "because I don't want to". It shuts down any conversations and I honestly think it's honest and not impolite.

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more-sarahtonin-pls@reddit

Book the day off, you have a hospital appointment that day

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shammy_dammy@reddit

No, thank you. <---

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Kirstemis@reddit

I don't always want to go to work Christmas things, I've had colleagues who love them and colleagues who'd rather stick needles in their eyes than go. Sometimes I've deliberately arranged to babysit for another colleague so they could go and I had a good excuse not to go. But generally I'll just say "no, don't fancy it" and that's enough. Other colleagues have been really upfront and said "no, I never go, I hate that kind of thing" and it's been fine. Your options are \- offer to stay in the office to cover the phones \- be upfront and say "no, not my kind of thing but thanks for the offer" \- suck it up and pay over the odds for roasted red pepper soup, sad turkey and sticky toffee pudding

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AntonioRadosav@reddit

Tour hamster is in depression 🐹

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glenman1882@reddit

"I like you guys and get on really well with you all, but I get paid to spend time with you each day, you better believe I'll not be paying for the pleasure of it. So no I won't be going to Xmas dinner"

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Medical_Insurance_39@reddit

I think it’s important to realise that regardless of the reason you give, people will draw their own conclusions and judgements. So, for example, you politely declining as you’re not good with social gatherings won’t stop recruitment Jill from saying you’re an anti social twat. So honestly I would just politely decline and let people think what they want. As long as you’re pleasant enough in the office, anyone with a decent amount of brain cells will appreciate it just might not be your kind of thing. The judgey crowd aren’t worth bothering about 😌

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suzzybuzzy@reddit

So the woman who organised it in my old job was a terrifying lady, and she marched up to my desk and demanded to know if I was going, after scrabbling for an excuse I said I couldn't as I was on holiday... of course her next question was where to, so I panicked and said Lapland, I invited my (newish) boyfriend to follow through on the lie so there would be photo proof should she ask! (He said photoshop was cheaper and she never asked)

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AlbionEnthusiast@reddit

If it was expensive I’d say no. If we are expected to pay a £5 deposit I’d go. Only time I’d say no is if I had to get a taxi or something and it’s in the evening just due to funds

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Blessed_Tits@reddit

Love how divided this comment section is. Why does anyone care one way or another whether geezers they work with go to a party or not? 😂 Life is more than work. Do what your gut is telling you, OP. Reddit hates people who go against the grain lol

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Greggy398@reddit

>Why does anyone care one way or another whether geezers they work with go to a party or not? 😂 Life is more than work. He made this post. None of us fucking asked him lol.

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hypnoticwinter@reddit

I do. I'm invested now!

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Bug_Parking@reddit

Bemoaning unbearable work colleagues (whilst presumably being a brilliant person yourself) is about as going with the grain as Reddit gets.

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abarthman@reddit

How much do you care about them all bitching about you for not going? Because they most certainly will. If you don't care, fine. Just tell them that you have to do something else that lunchtime.

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Tricky_Parsnip_6843@reddit

Saying no can seriously put a strain on work relationships. I used to just call in sick for the day or state I would be in in the afternoon due to a Dr appt. Then I would arrive 20 minutes after they left and start working

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Greggy398@reddit

>Saying no can seriously put a strain on work relationships In my experience this has never happened. Ever. Just don't be a knob about it.

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Tricky_Parsnip_6843@reddit

I wonder if the office response differs if the person trying the pull out of the lunch is male or female?

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eivoooom@reddit

Is there no one you work with who you can sit with who you are friendly with? Do you hate everyone???

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Nandor1262@reddit

“Sorry I don’t celebrate Christmas… not since Dad got stuck in the chimney that time”

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mrs_spanner@reddit

Will you have to pay, or is it paid for? If the former, I would simply say “What a shame, can’t make it”. If pressed, I would either say that money’s really tight at the moment, or that you have an appointment that day. If they’re paying and it’s during your usual working hours, tbh I’d tolerate it. I’m as introverted as they come but even I can make small talk for a couple of hours.

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Nandor1262@reddit

I’m guessing as they’re complaining about their pay in this post that it’s not paid for.

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fuckyourcanoes@reddit

It's a really bad idea to skip these kinds of functions. You will be seen as not a team player, and as antisocial. As unpleasant as it is, you need to suck it up and go. I suck it up and go to my *husband's* work Xmas dinner, because they expect the spouses to come. Fortunately, they're actually really cool people, but I knew better than to skip it even when I was working for a malignant narcissist whom I actively despised. You really need to make nice if you want to keep your cushy job.

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p4ttl1992@reddit

Say, let me know the date and time. When they give it to you, then book that day off as a holiday, lol. My one this year, I've booked the week off, and I'll be in Prague

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Organic-Hippo-3273@reddit

Genius

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emmiewag@reddit

I organised our team Christmas lunch and secret Santa. Two of my colleagues said they didn't want to take part in secret Santa, I didn't ask them why. It's none of my business, I just need to know numbers.

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Powerful_Gene_8868@reddit

If the company is paying I'd say go, enjoy the lunch and make smalltalk for an hour. If they're not paying you could say that finances are tight ATM and you're having to watch your pennies.

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margot37@reddit

It would be much easier if it was after work. In this case, you're likely to be sitting in the office by yourself for quite some time waiting for everyone to come back. When they do they'll probably be a bit drunk and not really do any work for the rest of the day. I think social anxiety is very common these days and employers are increasingly mindful of it. I've heard of employees saying they don't feel comfortable eating with everyone in the office canteen for instance and it's just been accepted. Maybe say something like that. It also sets a precedent for the future... you're unlikely to be invited to other social events and, if you are, your colleagues will immediately understand if you say no.

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Alarmed_Material_481@reddit

Agree to come but ring in sick on the day.

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TobyChan@reddit

Just politely decline… As an aside, I’ve never understood the concept of a works Christmas do that involves employees paying. Either the company should pay or individuals can choose to do something on their own time with the people they actually like.

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CompetitiveAd1338@reddit

On the day of the dinner, After the work shift just before everyone is going to head to the location inform your boss something came up you need to urgently attend do Just say you need to go quick, act like its an emergency.

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Yaseuk@reddit

I got asked this week. I said “sorry I’ve got glass to eat”

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SceneDifferent1041@reddit

Now I've turned 40 I say... "No thank you, I'd rather spend money and time with my wife and children because I like them whereas I'm paid to see everyone here". I'm not popular.

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Ratfucks@reddit

You don’t. Just go to the Christmas lunch and try to make friends with your colleagues. You’ll enjoy your work more for it

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jerhawk@reddit

Just say you can't afford it. That's it. Why you can't is up to you.

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MassiveLefticool@reddit

Surely you have 1 friend at your work, just hang with them rather than Jill

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FossilisedHypercube@reddit

Do not make up excuses; every reason you have will be reasoned against. Keep it simple: "No but I appreciate the invitation... no, thank you, honestly, no.... no... did you not hear me the first three times?"

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Red-Wimp@reddit

Just claim to be a Jehovah’s Witness.

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inMX@reddit

In my last job, I always said "I may have to work with you but I don't have to socialise with you" half-jokingly and when the time came for any work socialising, this was always quoted back to me as a laugh. But people knew I was serious! And when someone was coming around the office with a collection for so-and-so's birthday/wedding etc (seemed to be nearly every week as I worked in an office block with 100+ employees) I would just as easily say "no", although saying that if the collection was for my most immediate colleagues (my department on one bank of desks) I would contribute, and I would be generous. Just be honest and be yourself.

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Bring_back_Apollo@reddit

Go and be sullen. That’s my advice.

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Chart-Virtual@reddit

“I’m not paid enough for this job as it is” If somebody said this to me re: Christmas lunch I’d completely understand it’s not for everyone, nobody’s going to berate you for it

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This_Rom_Bites@reddit

"You go enjoy yourselves; I'll mind the phones 😊" "I'll be asleep all afternoon/have atrocious reflux/explosive IBS if I have a big lunch." "Oh, I'd love to but I've got a family thing this evening and my nan goes *mad* if we don't stuff ourselves; I have to go on an empty stomach or I'll be hearing about it 'til Easter." "Really kind of you to invite me, but I don't like that venue/cuisine." "Thanks for the invite, but I'm a bit weird and antisocial: I don't do parties."

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ChangingMonkfish@reddit

Try what I do - stay uncommital about it but generally positive (“Oh yeah, I’ll be coming of if I can” etc). Then when you have an actual date for it, closer to the time just say something’s come up, sorry but hope you all have a great time!

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FuntCaseKid@reddit

Tell them you’re going to give it a miss this year. End of.

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Own_Layer_6554@reddit

When I have to excuse myself from situations like this, I use my family .. Implying 'they are more important to me than you.. ' I'm unapologetic about it as well so that I don't have to entertain further questions 😎

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arrouk@reddit

Jill from recruitment is gonna get on the wine and be the best fun you have had in years though. Seriously op it's a works Christmas dinner, I'm looking forward to my first in a very long time this year.

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Bug_Parking@reddit

Does your work team comprise of Hitler, Josef Stalin and Ayn Rand? If the answer is no, then you are more than capable of spending a solitary lunch with your work team.

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Greggy398@reddit

If they're paying for it then enjoy the free food lol?

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Vireosolitarius@reddit

Dude you are thinking about this all wrong. A few drinks in and you and Jill will probably be banging in the stationery cupboard. What’s not to like?

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OrangeBeast01@reddit

Maybe Jill's the one?

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Auntie_Cagul@reddit

Who will be paying for the food and drinks?

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Gangsta_Gollum@reddit

Suppose it depends how much you care about this job. Refusal to socialise means people won’t have such a positive opinion of you maybe, it can affect pay review, career progression etc. But if this is just a job to you and you only go to get paid, which is absolutely fair enough btw, then don’t go. Be polite about it but sorry no thank you is a valid answer.

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AnTeallach1062@reddit

Say to your manager that you are willing to "man the phones". Always better to have someone from the team physically in the office.

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AtLeastOneCat@reddit

"Sorry, money's a bit tight at the moment and I'm saving for Christmas presents." Something like that. Most people will sympathise.

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Indigo-Waterfall@reddit

Suddenly you have a medical appointment at lunchtime. What a shame.

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MaddisonSplatter@reddit

Have we hit peak r/askuk?? I think the only way this could be topped is if you were to add a line saying you don’t enjoy football so anyone else who does is in some way morally and mentally deficient.

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CrimpsShootsandRuns@reddit

Don't forget the addition that they can't understand how anyone can afford X or Y.

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ThomasEichorst@reddit

Plus some unsolicited commentary about how everyone at work has financed cars and he couldn’t possibly converse with such ignoramuses

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MaddisonSplatter@reddit

I bet they live in a new build with their partner too! Makes me fucking sick.

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AvocadosAtLaw95@reddit

Earning a good wage? You can fuck right off!

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MaddisonSplatter@reddit

Perverts, the lot of them.

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diddygem@reddit

If it’s paid for by the company, just go along for an hour or two, eat the free meal, smile, exchange pleasantries and then leave “thank you, I’ve got to get back now”. It’s better not to bite the hand that feeds you. If you must pay for yourself and don’t want to spend the money on something you don’t want to do, which is totally fair, just wait til the time and location is confirmed, and just say something polite but bland “thank you for the invite but…” any of the following “…I can’t make it” or if it’s during work “…its not my kind of food” or “…I won’t be able to splurge this time of year unfortunately!”

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Athleticathiest82@reddit

Just say no

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Spottyjamie@reddit

This was mentioned a few weeks ago Just be like Zammo and just say no

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jcitcat@reddit

If you've got kids or younger siblings say that they have a Christmas lunch day at their school that you have to go to

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Aggravating-Lime9149@reddit

Just apologise and say you don't want to go nobody can force you

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lyta_hall@reddit

Make an effort to spend 1 hour and be nice to the people you work with. Or just say no and don’t go

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-Arh-@reddit

If you are perceived a dick for merely declining a company lunch, then maybe you shouldn't value their opinions to begin with.

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HashDefTrueFalse@reddit

Just say you'll be there, then do your own thing. It works surprisingly well. If you're asked afterwards where you were (probably won't be, nobody cares), just say something vague. You're not trying to fool anyone, just not explicitly stating that you'd rather shit in your hands and clap. Never failed me.

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TraceyMoss@reddit

Look for a better job

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Witty_Detail_2573@reddit

If you can’t tell them No I don’t want to go, but thanks…. Lie! It saves everyone’s feelings. You can’t afford it as you have xxxto pay for (it’s not a lie really it’s Christmas.) or say you have some stuff going on family wise (illness/moving house/sick pet) and you are not feeling in the Christmas spirit and are not in the right space. Tell them you are so happy they understand and never mention it again. Or just say yes and have a vomiting bug the day before and don’t go!

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pigscantdrivecars@reddit

Say nah fam I don't do jesus days. Or I'm sorry I can't make it but hope you have a great day. One of the two

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JusNoGood@reddit

I’d just say “I’d love to but I have a few major expenses at the moment and so don’t want to spend the money” (or can’t spend the money) If they start pushing I’d say, with a smile, “is your intention to make me feel awkward about this cos you’re doing a great job”

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GBParragon@reddit

Don’t look a gift horse in the mouth. It’s lunch out, hopefully it’ll be a long lunch with a free pint or two and an early finish afterwards. You might find that Jill is a right laugh after half a glass of rose and you hit it off. If she likes your Christmas jumper then offer to swap with her. Tell her about your extensive collection of baubles at home and invite her to pop round and help you trim the tree and maybe do a bit of cracker pulling. Or just say “thanks for the invite but I don’t want to go… I care about turkeys too much to be present whilst people are celebrating their annual ritual slaughter” - try and be really dead pan when you say it…

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CarlMacko@reddit

Reddit hating work social events has arrived earlier than expected this year. “Sorry I can’t make it” “I have other plans” “Its not my thing”

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steveysaidthis@reddit

"Work nights out make me handsy so my lawyer has advised I not attend"

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steveysaidthis@reddit

Get fired the day before, no awkward meal and all the time off at Christmas! win win!

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WhatWouldSatanDo@reddit

“I cannot attend a Christmas celebration as it goes against my religious beliefs.” Done Any follow up questions and you start blabbering on about the Church of Satan and ask if they fancy joining your clergy’s winter party where you sacrifice a goat. They’ll stop asking things very quickly.

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Deathlehem4@reddit

I don’t go to any social events with work. Just be straight up with them they ain’t gonna miss you

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ExposingYouLot@reddit

If its a free lunch and you're paid for being there- you're a fool if you don't go.

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According_Hat_6995@reddit

Claim to be a Jehovah's Witness.

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Sea_Page5878@reddit

Just say you're fasting during what ever time the lunch is supposed to take place.

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LemmysCodPiece@reddit

I have been in this position many times. I just say "No thanks, but thanks for asking." and leave it at that. I don't follow workmates on social media, I don't go to work dos and I don't interact with colleagues outside of work.

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robotwarlord@reddit

Just say no

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soulsteela@reddit

The wife’s normally got me chained back to the wall by then ! Then walk off.

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Charming_Pirate@reddit

I used to work with a bald bloke and anytime something like this came up he’d say “I think I’m washing my hair that day”

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Emergency_Mistake_44@reddit

Just go, Jill from HR might be a laugh out of the office. I expect this question to come up often as Christmas looms, are people that incapable of socialising for 2 hours once a year? Or is literally everyone else around you that annoying?

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Dachshunds_rule@reddit

I gave up going to work does. They're generally awful. Say you have a dental appointment you've waited months to get!

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New-Fig8494@reddit

WTF is this BS? Just say no.

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Uhoh_Heres_Matt@reddit

Perhaps man up and just say exactly what you've said above. At least it'll be a good topic of conversation for the people going to lunch.

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NotMyFirstChoice675@reddit

“Thanks for the invite, I can’t make it but hope you all have a great time”

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Venoxulous@reddit

I'm sorry, I need to use my lunch hour as time to myself to unwind. Thankyou for the invitation though! Something close to that?

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SophiaFar@reddit

Maybe saying something along tge lines of " No, as I suffer with social anxiety, thanks for understanding"

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Gaoler86@reddit

"I'm on a really tight budget sorry" "I'm trying to avoid eating out less for my health sorry"

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topher2604@reddit

Say "thank you, but I'm OK"

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Green_List@reddit

Just say "No thanks I'm busy at that time." Company - "But we haven't specified a time yet." You - "I know."

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Phillb87@reddit

Look to the left, then look to the right. Repeat until message has been received

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Godoncanvas@reddit

Just say you don’t want to go, why hide your thoughts.

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OK_TimeForPlan_L@reddit

Just say no you're alright thanks for the invite though. If they think you're a dick for not going then that's something you'll just have to deal with.

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Jassida@reddit

Just say no, everyone could be hoping you’re not coming anyway

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No-Resolve2970@reddit

I would ask for details and make sure it’s a free meal. If you have to do a few hours and get a free meal (and the time is paid for) then you might have to just push through.

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EnoughRedditNow@reddit

Say you got nits from your nephew/niece. They won't even pressure you to come.

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yes_its_my_alt@reddit

The main reason to be present at a works do is to ensure that you aren't the one being slagged off behind your back. I'd suck it up, once a year, if you can grin and bear it for a few hours. Jill from HR might even make a drunken tit of herself, and then she might be more approachable in future.

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PinkElanor@reddit

I never go to these things. I found it very liberating to start saying "no thanks, it's not for me" and being firm and just repeating that. If you make a fancy excuse, people will assume you want to go but can't and will start trying to change your mind. You're on a budget? Aww no, we can't have you missing out, we'll lend you some cash! You feel poorly? Oh no, here's some aspirin/lemsip/immodium etc. You need a lift? You can come in my car! You're shy? Don't worry, I'll sit with you! If you just say no, they'll find that much harder to argue with. Saying no doesn't have to be rude, you can still smile and say "have lovely time, but it's not for me, thanks for asking". And then stay behind and enjoy a lovely couple of hours in a quiet office.

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ChocolatMacaron@reddit

My work has work dinners on a semi regular basis. I never go. They say 'are you coming?' I say 'no'. In the beginning they used to try and be persuasive and I would let them speak and then say 'still no'. Now we're at the point where I can 'yes' and watch them argue amongst themselves about whether I mean it for my own amusement. And if you don't particularly like your co-workers why do you care if they think you're a dick over a work dinner?

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cSan0124@reddit

"I don't want to go"...

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6033624@reddit

Just tell them you’d rather use the time to have your teeth pulled without anaesthetic because you don’t like them. This is a win/win as they won’t try and persuade you and won’t invite you to anything else. Bonus - they might stop speaking to you too..

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Helpful_Asparagus_72@reddit

It took my 7 years of working in an office to say no. I'm going to be brutally honest, people do judge. However it's not about them, it's about you. Can you deal with them? I said no, I said for me lunch times is my personal time, and people didn't like my response. I don't let it phase me!

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erritstaken@reddit

When my kids were still at school my go to excuse was that it was the school play or Christmas concert. Weird how it always fell on the same day as the work party. Now my kids are grown I just tell them I’m not going.

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Imaginary_Switch1215@reddit

I second u/SplurgyA's idea. A friend/relative is coming to town for just a couple of days, you have to meet up with them (for lunch, perhaps to give them your keys). Lie told. Sorted.

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Permarousal78@reddit

You just say no. Everyone these days just cares about the feelings on others blah blah blah. Just say no ?

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NorthernBarbarian@reddit

If it's during work time just crack on and bloody go .......

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Illustrious_Army_871@reddit

If this is just a ‘job’ and you intend to do something else down the line don’t go. If this is your only job/career then suck it up and go. These soft things are more important for career prospects than people realise

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ComplexOccam@reddit

“Thanks for the Christmas lunch invite but it’s not for me, I’ll be eating enough Christmas lunches in December, hope you guys have fun”.

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JohnR2299@reddit

Say yes then on the day say you are sick

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Gullible_Wind_3777@reddit

Just don’t go? Unless they’ve already paid for you to eat and drink and this meal then just don’t go, you have no obligation whatsoever lol. My husband never attends Xmas work do’s. And he literally just says thanks but no thanks it’s not my thing and that’s that lol

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Alert_Ad_5750@reddit

Say you have a doctor's appt

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Toninho7@reddit

Just say you don’t want to go, fuck me, how hard would that be?

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UnlikelyHat5885@reddit

Dentist or gp appointment. They're both so hard to get you can't be picky about days and times

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steveinstow@reddit

What's so hard about just saying ' sorry can't make it'?

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spingledoink@reddit

Play the jehova card. 🤡

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SubBender@reddit

Tell them you are a Jehovah's witness?

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zeelbeno@reddit

Sounds like you work in recruitment so most people would probably expect you to be a dick anyway.

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JJY199@reddit

Take the day off

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shortercrust@reddit

The “just say no, you don’t need to give a reason” replies are very Reddit. Literally no normally functioning person would do that and expect it to play out well. Just make up a lie. The last dental appointment you can get before Christmas. Your favourite aunt who is terminally ill is in town and it’s your last chance to see her. It’s your nephew's school play and you’re the only family member who can attend. But you’re gutted you can’t go to the meal. Have fun guys! Look forward to hearing all the crazy stories. Stay away from the mistletoe, Jill!

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Mdl8922@reddit

I've done that & never had any problems. No need to make up excuses and such, just a "no thanks" should be absolutely fine.

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williamshatnersbeast@reddit

Likewise, having arranged ‘Christmas Do’s’ in the past (I’ve learned my lesson and won’t volunteer for that again), if someone said no to me I didn’t push for a reason because that’s just being a dick. Every conversation went something like: ‘Hey x, we’re booking the team meal this week. Do you want to come?’ ‘Thanks but I’m not bothered actually.’ ‘That’s cool. If you change your mind let me know, I’m sure we can squeeze you in even if we’ve booked.’ People somehow think an elaborate excuse is always necessary. When you’re younger I get that it can feel like there’s pressure but I can guarantee people will respect you more for just saying no than conjuring up the worlds most outlandish reason.

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Ok_Cow_3431@reddit

Personally I think your post is very Reddit, plenty of people say no with no reason given, because nobody expects a reason - it's not mandatory. The feeling that you need to "make up a lie" is more of a Reddit answer

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These_Top_3251@reddit

If it's a lunch then I'd definitely go, it looks rude. A night out can be easier to get an excuse for, you have kids or existing plans etc.

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Money_Bluejay4964@reddit

Jill from recruitment might actually turn out to be bloody amazing :D I’d say go! Gets you out of work for a bit!

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catlady992@reddit

Say you'll let them know bevause you've got a lot going on in December and have things on which may clash. Keep it vague and don't commit.

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Debenham@reddit

Don't be such a grumpy sod, it's a free meal and you never know you might have a good time.

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Nerds4Yous@reddit

Dick

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Nerds4Yous@reddit

You don't. Suck it up team player

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HubbyWifey8389@reddit

If they're paying, go anyway and get some free dinner. If you have to pay, then plead poverty

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RagingFuckNuggets@reddit

At our work we are just honest and say 'Sorry, bit tight on the wallet this Christmas' and that's that.

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kingpotato28@reddit

Just go you don't need to be such an antisocial nob

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PaleAustin@reddit

As my old colleague once said in an email replying to the Christmas do plans... 'I don't do Christmas and I don't do do's'.

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howlasinthecastle@reddit

Honestly, getting out of it without looking like a dick is a hard one. You could lie about dietary requirements/picky eating etc, but someone will a)probably go to the effort or asking the venue to accommodate you or b) notice you eating a Tesco meal deal or whatever and be confused. I'd just suck it up, go for the hour, the free lunch and treat yourself to something nice that night when you go home for doing something you really didn't want to.

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lorentzisback@reddit

"No, sorry. Dentist appointment. Having an extraction." (Bonus points for :"It's preferable to talking to Jill from Recruitment, at least.")

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IamCaptainHandsome@reddit

Wait until they give the location and just say you aren't a fan of the menu, or that you have an errand to run on that date.

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Emergency-Aardvark-6@reddit

Dr's appointment, the only one you could get. Gutted you'll be missing lunch etc.

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TonyHeaven@reddit

Excuse based around food tolerances.

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Hypselospinus@reddit

If its on your lunchbreak in a working day, honestly--I would just go.  It's a free meal, better than whatever drudge they have at the canteen. And these things usually drag for longer than the lunch hour, so it's time not stuck at the office. Plus if you play your cards right you might be able to pull Jill from recruitment.

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rosesmellikepoopoo@reddit

I just turned down my work Christmas dinner, I have another Christmas dinner planned for the same night which I was already invited to beforehand and I’d like to go to the original one more.

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kevinmorice@reddit

Wait until they announce the date. Book that day as a holiday. Or suck it up and enjoy your free lunch like an adult.

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LiveCheapDieRich@reddit

"I'll consider it, but the last time I went to an Xmas dinner I ended up shitting in the middle of a table." Win, win. Invite retracted and you become instantly popular at work!

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poptimist185@reddit

Are you planning on being in the job for a few years? If so just bite the bullet and go. It’s only lunch, not a whole evening.

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t100wah@reddit

Tell them that sort of food would make your colostomy bag explode

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hearnia_2k@reddit

.... you just say no.

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espionage64@reddit

I just say I’ve already got something on so not to upset them.

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cbaotl@reddit

My work puts a lot of pressure on us to go to social events. It can be quite hard because a ‘no’ doesn’t always work for them, and they’ll do sneaky things like place you in the office near the event so it’s like ‘oh you’re there anyway’. Just keep going with the no. Never offer an excuse.

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geeered@reddit

Schmooze up Jill and get a better position! Presuming you don't have to pay, that is. Oh and make sure you have a few pints and enjoy the resulty fuzzy afternoon at work.

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MurkySalamander106@reddit

Just say yes, and don't turn up "sorry, have a dentist appointment" or depends on how pushy they are, say no "no thanks, I don't do christmas dinners" if it is paid by the company, go, have something to eat then sneak out

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MisterHekks@reddit

Wait until you know what day it is and then say "Sorry, I have another appointment then and cant make it"

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gogginsbulldog1979@reddit

Tell them you're on a diet. Tell them you're a picky eater. Tell them you've got an appointment at that time in your lunch hour. Tell them you don't like Christmas and don't celebrate. Tell them to fuck off.

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martzgregpaul@reddit

Tell them you only eat the raw flesh of virgins that should do the job

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UnderpantsInfluencer@reddit

Apparently it's as easy as just saying "no" ITT. Everyone ofc is within their rights to do that. Everyone is within their rights to never speak to anyone again. But we don't do that because it's rude. As is just saying "no", and I'm assuming OP was more advice than just "no". If it's during your lunch break it's going to be difficult to come up with an excuse. Is there anyone senior who you could talk to about it?

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theloniousmick@reddit

Can't go far wrong with "thanks but not not my scene, thanks for the invite though hope the rest of you have a good time"

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VolcanicBear@reddit

> Cool, are work paying? No? Ah, no thanks then. Hope you have a nice time but I'm on a tight budget because my shithead employers don't pay much. Maybe leave everything from the 'because' in your head though.

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geeered@reddit

From before?

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keep_giving_up@reddit

“Sorry I have an appointment that day/sorry, money is tight and I can’t afford that this year” is all it takes.

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PlasticFreeAdam@reddit

Unlike a lot here, I understand saying "no" isn't as easy as it sounds. People have different levels of social comfort. Covid is still a valid excuse imo. A vague "doctor has told me to look after my immune system so I have to avoid places that with potential covid spreading like pubs". I agree with others, "money is tight right now" "especially with Christmas coming up". Or just agree and go to the wrong venue.

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Regular-Ad1814@reddit

No, sorry I am antisocial (awkward laugh) I legit do this in every job I am in haha

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pete1w@reddit

Jokingly say no thanks. I spend enough time with you as it is. Failing that, just don't turn up. I never go to work events. I get on with my work colleagues but I'm afraid my time is my time. I'd much rather be at home doing what I want to do.

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pomegranate2012@reddit

Get plastered. I'll be fine.

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Martinonfire@reddit

Simples just say ‘no thanks’ ….its a useful skill to develop.

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quenishi@reddit

Usually by clicking Decline -> Send the response now :P. I mean, you can also just talk to the coworkers who you wanna talk to...? Imo there isn't any need to elaborate. Might get the odd overenthusiastic person who may try and beg you into coming, but imo the other person's a dick if they're actually bothered by someone not going. I've seen people be a bit hassly, but not salty if people ultimately decide not to go. People tend to remember who was there rather than who wasn't tbh.

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Breaking-Dad-@reddit

I'm in agreement with most people on here in saying maybe just go and try and socialise with your work colleagues for once. But, if you are wanting to avoid it with an excuse then tell them you have been given a hospital appointment on that day and really don't want to miss it. My mum just had one to check a lump she found and it was a very awkward time but she really did not want to miss the appointment.

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Unfair_Original_2536@reddit

On the day say you're doing a sponsored fast for charity and don't want to succumb to temptation. Then ask them if they want to sponsor you and use that money for a takeaway when you get home.

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26326312@reddit

If you have to pay for it and don't want to then just say money is tight right now. To be honest though, especially if it's a free lunch, I don't see why you don't just go? doesn't hurt to do the social thing with work every now and then.

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Grosmont@reddit

I joined my colleagues for last year's Christmas lunch, I just didn't eat anything because I had a CT scan after work and was required to abstain from eating anything 24 hours beforehand (could only drink clear liquids, too). Perhaps you could borrow that excuse? As others have said, it's probably just easier to say "no thanks".

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TrumpleIVskin@reddit

"No thanks." Or "That sounds lovely! I can't wait! As long as Jill from recruitment won't be there obviously!... Oh, she will? I won't be coming then."

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Kid_Kimura@reddit

No thanks that sounds awful

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Realistic-Stay-7352@reddit

'Sorry money is tight right now' or somesuch. I don't much care for these things either but I still go and put on a face, it's one day a year. Like it or not people who don't participate do get noticed for it.

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BaBaFiCo@reddit

"No thanks".

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