People who live alone; do you make full use of the space/rooms within your property?

Posted by Carinwe_Lysa@reddit | AskUK | View on Reddit | 53 comments

Funny question, but it's something that's really been on my mind the past year or so now. Sadly my old man passed away earlier this year and as I lived with him at the time, I took over the property in my name. The house is a three-bed and prior to my dad passing, the house never felt empty at all as I was always upstairs WFH and he was always downstairs either in the living room/kitchen going about his day. Each room had it's use, was warm and not empty in a sense. We made use of most spaces and whatever storage we had, and the house just felt 'lived in'. But since his passing 9-10 months down the line it's become so much apparent just how large the property is and feels, even though the furniture is all present, I still live here etc and nothing physical has changed about the house itself, but it's really hit home this week just how much empty it feels. I more or less spend all day in an upstairs office, go downstairs during the day for washing/cleaning/food and then retreat back to my office considering that's where my PC, laptop etc are present when I'm not out of the house. The living room just isn't used since I'm in the office, the dining room isn't used most days of the week unless people are round for dinner etc, one of the bedrooms is spare due to being my Dads and the second spare one is just where my office and some wardrobes are. Makes me wonder if I were to downsize considerably, would I find that I'm using more of my house than I would - i.e the living room etc.

53 Comments

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HopAlongInHongKong@reddit

I have a 3 bedroom with a finished basement. The 2nd bedroom is for my daughter when she visits, the 3rd is my office so I am not spending all day in a bedroom. The living room gets little use, other than with visitors but you can't really avoid it, since the upper floor space is dictated by the lower floor area. The basement keeps the washing and mechanicals out of the way. You can always help out the current situation with a boarder which adds some company, and a bit of extra cash.

LXPeanut@reddit

Have a three bedroom house and the only room that isn't used much is the back bedroom. I have an office in the smallest bedroom. I eat in the dining room and the living room to relax. The back bedroom is mostly used by the cats and the occasional guest. I would hate to be working and relaxing in the same place.

bikky73@reddit

Bedroom 1 is mine for sleeping Bedroom 2 is for my books Bedroom 3 is a guest room for family Bedroom 4 is my computer room Bedroom 5 is for when Daisy "cums" to visit Bedroom 6 is for when Chloe "cums" to visit Bedroom 7 is for when Sarah and Michelle "cum" to visit.

FulaniLovinCriminal@reddit

When I lived by myself in a two-bedroom flat it was quite easy to make the spare room into a little office. I worked from home about 2 days a month, but it had my gaming computer in there etc. When my wife(to be, at the time) moved in, she used it to work on her PhD. At the moment my m-i-l still lives in a 5 bedroom house about an hour away from us. Can't bring herself to move out, despite having a lovely little place by the beach near us as well. No idea what she does up there, but I guess they bought it new in 1980, and she doesn't want to leave. All her friends from the area have either died or moved though, and she's made loads more down on the coast. Just won't leave the big house!

Lumpyproletarian@reddit

Two bedroom terrace here. I sleep in one bedroom and the other is for storage and there's still room for a guest bed. Computer on the table in the large kitchen diner, front room for listening to music and reading. It's a small house and it suits me.

VeterinarianLazy4029@reddit

I used to live in Thailand in a variety of small bungalows (living room, bedroom, bathroom and small kitchen areas) then moved into a two story two bed and barely used half of it

sagima@reddit

I have a five bedroom house but my husband is likely to die in the next few weeks. Where I live you can barely hear anything going on outside. I essentially live in my wfh office and the cats tend to either sleep up there with me or in the conservatory. I’m worried it will be like your experience once he’s gone

ilovefireengines@reddit

A big virtual hug from me

sillysaltire@reddit

Very sorry to hear about your husband, anything I can say over Reddit sounds trite but I hope your last few weeks together are meaningful

EuphoricPeak@reddit

I'm so, so sorry about your husband. Sending hugs x

ibreatheinspace@reddit

I recently bought a 4 bedroom house… one bedroom is mine, the smallest one is my dressing room (life long dream achieved), the 2nd biggest is my home office/hobby room, and the other one is the guest room. I use all the other rooms in the house regularly - downstairs it’s just a lounge, and kitchen/diner so use them daily and a utility room. The least used room is the guest room, but it’s helpful to have when people want to visit me and stay. So yes, I use all the rooms in my house. And yes, I appreciate how fortunate I am to be in this position.

Btd030914@reddit

I’m also in a three bed on my own since my marriage ended and I don’t use all of the space at all. I also work from home and deliberately set my work space up in the dining kitchen rather than one of the bedrooms, that way I feel like I’m using more of the house somehow? I think I’d find it quite depressing if I was working from one of the bedrooms.

Carinwe_Lysa@reddit (OP)

Oh I've had the same thought to be honest on the office downstairs; I was pondering whether it'd be worth moving my computer and desk down and converting the now barely-used dining room into a full office. Like you said, it'd make the house feel more 'lived in' rather than sitting upstairs almost all day :/

markhewitt1978@reddit

Absolutely. Imagine you're walking into the house for the first time. No furniture or anything else. Where would you put everything? There's no reason to keep things as they are just because that's how it was done before. In this case if you're going to leave some rooms unused it makes more sense for that to be a bedroom than one of the main rooms of the house.

elkwaffle@reddit

Totally agree with this. It's good to rethink from scratch especially after a big change. What also helps is letting go of preconceptions of what room should be what in a typical house and make it work for you. You don't have to have a traditional living room, dining room, bedroom, office, etc arrangement. Our main living room is upstairs in the biggest bedroom because our pet bedroom is upstairs and it keeps the rabbits on the same floor. Downstairs is all workshop space for our hobbies so nothing has to come upstairs. Live how you want to live not how a house is traditionally structured. It's your space!

Limp-Archer-7872@reddit

Yeah do this. Closer to the kettle at least. Also force yourself to come off the laptop after work is done. Try and use the living room, watch TV or a movie. Possibly you can rent out a room when you feel ready? Have someone else in the house and earn some money?

Give it a go for a week and see how you find it? Ball ache shifting everything downstairs but it might work out good for you.

Responsible-Walrus-5@reddit

I was alone in my 3 bed house for the first bit of covid as my partner was elsewhere and my weekday lodger wasn’t coming since it was WFH, and I did the same as you. I worked in the dining room rather than my spare room/study and made an effort to move around the house. So I’d have breakfast in the sun room, lunch outside, afternoon cup of tea in the sitting room etc. 3 bed house for 1 felt too big. 3 bed house for 2 full time plus a third during the week feels like we use every inch!

LegendEater@reddit

I live in a 4-bed house with 2 other people and I have a home office. No depression. I don't understand this one.

I guess as I live alone (or did until I got a lodger in) I’d find it very isolating just sitting alone in a bedroom all day. Working in my dining kitchen, the cat is mooching about, I’ve got music playing, patio doors open, it’s easy to be up and about making a drink or bite to eat, it just seems less isolating.

I work home alone for the most part, and don't feel any more alone in my office than I do in the dining room. If it isn't a bedroom, then you aren't sitting in a bedroom.

Ok, great for you. We have a different view.

That's fine, I wasn't trying to take away from your situation. More I wanted to understand it. I am telling my situation, not decreeing that it is right and correct.

RotoruaFun@reddit

I was in a similar position, you need a fresh start. Spring clean, declutter, reorganise and redecorate the whole house. Fill it with new plants and pets, colours, fragrances and memories. Wash the walls and surfaces down. Let fresh air and sunlight in. It’s as much about letting the old go and welcoming in the new, as it is about physical space. ☀️🌱🌬💦

Affectionate-Boot-12@reddit

Why is this not the top comment. Absolutely agree with this. If OP does do this don’t look at it as washing away old memories. Look at it at making new ones.

tmstms@reddit

Don't live alone but one reason we like having a place with spare rooms is so we can have more cats (i.e. cats can have own rooms if they so wish).

masterflex11@reddit

Mad cat lady, confirmed.

royalblue1982@reddit

We always had cats in my family and not one of them ever wanted to be alone! It could be just me and the cat in a 4 bed house and he would be sitting next to me.

Ours are all different! Some are more soicable and some are more independent! But we like each to feel they can have their own special territory if they wish.

Buddyyourealamb@reddit

Have you considered fostering animals, if you're into that kind of thing? It's less commitment than an actual pet but gives one of the unused spaces a purpose plus a bit of company.

lyta_hall@reddit

Yes, but because I live in London and can only afford a tiny place lol

MaxxyWaxxy-@reddit

Lol no. For 37 years i've lived in my bedroom and now that i own my property i still live in my bedroom. My entire apartment has shit in it but my bedroom has my computer and a bed. I think i need a wife

2023mustgo@reddit

I live alone in a 3 bed house and use it all. Big bedroom is mine, middle bedroom is a spare and does have people stay in it occasionally but I have a sofa bed in there rather than a proper bed so there's enough room in there for me to use it as a bit of a laundry room or sometimes for exercise. It has all the bookshelves, printer, admin stuff etc. Smallest bedroom is dedicated to one of my hobbies. I spend my relaxing time in the living room, and its obviously where people sit when they come to visit etc.

_Dreamer_Deceiver_@reddit

3 bed. One is my bedroom, one is my office/exercise room. One is a spare room, I dont use the dining room. It doesn't feel empty because it's mine. I've done everything the way I want to. Sure it would be nice to have someone to come back to but at the moment I don't have to worry about things being misplaced or messing around with stuff

Behold_SV@reddit

Yeah. One room for stuff, another for yoga stretching and another for wardrobe etc. and bedroom of course.

caroline0409@reddit

What are you doing in the evenings? Do you not watch tv in the living room? Where do you eat your meals?

KaidaShade@reddit

Some of it is probably grief, the your dad sized spaces where he isn't anymore, and that's really rough to deal with.

Pedal_bin@reddit

Not quite the same, I'm in a 4 bed and it's me and my wife. I wfh and she works long hours. Obviously I know she's coming home but during the day it's just me rattling around a large, empty house. I do have a dog though, she follows me round like velcro.

Jorvac27@reddit

I live alone in my 3 bed. There are certainly places less traveled than others.

Angustony@reddit

You don't say how old you are, but unless you were a live in carer I'm guessing reasonably young. A house that has halved it's occupancy level is always going to feel big, especially when the reason you're now alone there is through a bereavement. If it's also got growing up memories for you, even more so. You've got three choices really, either sell up and buy something cheaper that's in line with your solo life, stay there and maybe fill the home later with a partner and/or family, or re-purpose the new available space to suit your solo life, with the option to accommodate a future lifestyle change such as partner etc. There is a fourth choice of letting out a room too, but that has as many downsides as upsides for me. YMMV. A clean break may be the most sensible option, given that you feel like you're knocking around in an overly generous amount of space, particularly if the memories there are strong enough to make you somewhat sad there through memory association. Sit down and work out exactly what your ideal home looks like. If it's pretty damn close to your current home then stay. Weigh up the pros and cons to decide what's important to you now and in the future from a home. And good luck to you.

Hungry_Woodpecker_60@reddit

I live in a two-bed house on my own. The second bedroom is my nerd-cave/hobby room. I'm either in there, in my bedroom or in the kitchen. The living room is used exclusively by my neighbour's cat to sleep in. I also have a garage that is 90% empty but is too small to actually park in.

Inevitable_Resolve23@reddit

Same here. I moved in with my small family after my dad died last summer. We don't use most of the space, and since a lot of it is stilled filled with things we're trying to get rid of/sell, the place feels odd. Can you invite friends over some time, maybe have a game night, poker night, whatever? Try to establish some more good memories attached to the house. I totally get the hollow feeling. 10 months is nothing really, we're still in the early stages. Try not to be too hard on yourself.

klepto_entropoid@reddit

I actually think its just human nature. My parents essentially live in one room of their mansion. The one that gets all the sun during the day.. I live in one room of my house and sleep in another. Truth is, you just don't need loads of rooms, you need one to three "good sized" rooms. I feel rooms in UK houses are always too small which leads to a weird kind of inverse TARDIS phenomena whereby you feel swamped in under-utilized space but uncomfortably claustrophobic at the same time. Honestly, its one of the many things I subjectively loathe about living in the UK. That American fella from Fish Called Wanda was right. Its like Lilliput at times.

fuckthisfuckinghell@reddit

Could renting a room be an option? Depending on what you charge, it could be tax-free, and would fill the space a bit more while you decide if you want to keep the house (I wouldn't rush into any decisions while you are grieving).

Affectionate_Tap6416@reddit

The emptiness feeling could possibly relate to the grieving process? Could you consider turning one of the rooms into an office and making time to eat in the dining room. Possibly reconfigure the layout? I live alone in a 2 bedded house. I have made the spare bedroom into a sewing room. I didn't want to leave it as a spare bedroom as I don't want people staying with me. Learned the hard way that it's not always a good idea to have a spare bed.

TheGreatGrappaApe@reddit

There a spare room at the back of our house they is purely the domain of my wife and daughter. There's many wardrobes, I don't go in there.

jjgill27@reddit

Yes, but not till I reconfigured some of the downstairs to work better. The dining room where I never went became a huge kitchen diner that is south facing and opens outside. There’s a designated guest room and a bedroom is now my dressing room. Just because a room is supposed to be something, try and think about what you’d want it to be that could work for you. A gym? Cinema room?

Interesting-Tone-183@reddit

Divorced and 2 children left for uni and then their own places 10 years ago. I've a 3 bed semi and only this year are all the rooms used. Turned the box room into my walk in wardrobe, what was my son's room is now my wfh room 2 days a week. My bedroom. Tbh the least room is my living room. I'm happy to have use back in the bedrooms

C1nder3la@reddit

I have three bedrooms and a loft(which has my parents stuff neatly in it). One bedroom is my actual sleeping place, the other big bedroom has wardrobes as used to be a bedroom but now an office with a daybed. More for when guests come I take the daybed and so I can work in the office. The box room is now empty. Originally I had two bedrooms double beds and box room as the office ..realised it was pointless. I use the lounge to watch TV and eat and chill and friends come over. The dining room isn't used as no table yet till I get new flooring but use it to get to the garden which I have managed to make more homely and place to sit outside lately.

mildly_houseplant@reddit

I don’t use the bath/shower in the main bathroom very often. Tend to mostly use the en-suite shower. Everything else gets used though. Second bedroom is my office / geek den (there’s literally a dividing line based on what the webcam over my monitor can see!). Once I (finally) get a sofa bed, I think I’ll actually sleep in that room from time to time, just for the variety.

PigHillJimster@reddit

When I was single I bought a two bedroom mid terrace house with a living room and dining room and kitchen. I slept in the small bedroom and used the large bedroom for bookcases and drawers to declutter and store neatly all my clothes, books, camping gear, etc. The dining room I used as an office for a computer desk, as well as working at the dining table, and eating from it as well on occasion. Then I met my wife, and the double=bedroom became a bedroom again and she sold her flat which resulted in the furniture of her two bedroom/single living room/kitchen flat having to occupy the same house as well. It was interesting for a while before we moved to a larger place.

pepe612@reddit

Weird flex but okay.

ContinuousMountain@reddit

I have a dining room I don't really use. It's honestly more of a storage room, since I honestly just eat on the sofa in front of the TV. I only have 2 bedrooms, one of them is my bedroom, the other is my office. Oh, and I have a cellar which I forget about because it's too small and damp to use for anything.

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