Do you use the anatomically correct words to refer to your young children's genitals?

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Awkward-Tax102@reddit

"Bits" works fine for our 9yr old

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I have a 4 year old girl and we used “front bum” for a long time. When she became better at talking we switched to “vagina” and it’s caused no issues. Personally I feel like using “penis” “testicles” and “vagina” cause no harm whatsoever and causes less embarrassment than using made up cutesy words. For example when I was a child my mother referred to my female genitals as a “tuppence” and I cannot express enough how much that word makes my skin crawl.

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RebekhaG@reddit

She should have been using Vagina instead of using the stupid nickname front bottom.

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EvilInCider@reddit

It important to use words that can’t be confused for anything else. If a young girl calls it her “boo-boo” or her “princess” or something equally random, then there will be issues if she needs to describe to an adult that someone has hurt her there. You don’t need to use scientifically correct words. You just need to use easily recognised words. Words like willy or penis or peepee are fine. Vagina, fanny, whatever else that may be recognisable (there are fewer acceptable terms for females to use, unfortunately) - all fine. Source: worked in child abuse (with the abusers) in a past life. Left because it didn’t pay as much and I got frustrated that the perpetrators got all the help and the child victims usually got fuck all.

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RebekhaG@reddit

Words like willy,peeped aren't fine because those cutesy names don't hold up in sex abuse cases.

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budapest_budapest@reddit

I was a teacher so involved in a fair amount of safeguarding training and cases, unfortunately. The important thing is to use unambiguous terms. That can include some slang, as there are slang terms that would never be misunderstood (region specific of course). But to avoid more niche slang like “my kitten” or “my fluff” that could be misinterpreted. I’m teaching my son bum, balls and willy. I don’t mind other people using the technical terms around him, and I’ll make sure he knows them when he’s older (probably around Year 2 age). For a girl, I’d probably teach her “vagina” for the whole area from the start as most slang terms for a vagina feel pretty crude for a child.

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Euffy@reddit

>For a girl, I’d probably teach her “vagina” for the whole area Which would be incorrect? Vulva is the whole area?

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budapest_budapest@reddit

As I said: > The important thing is to use unambiguous terms. They don’t mean the intricacies of each part of genitalia, just that the area is clear. Vagina is clear. Possibly actually even clearer than the correct term in this case, given a lot of people’s knowledge of female anatomy.

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ashbath@reddit

My son thinks he has a Cannoli.

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Usual-Letterhead9488@reddit

I have a son and we use penis and testicles. We also use words like Willy and balls. I think you’re over thinking it, there’s not really a need to use more specific terms for a toddler

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Euffy@reddit

Yes. I'm a teacher though. It's really helpful when children know correct words. And it's not paranoia, I know professionals who have worked on cases in the past where intervention was delayed due to how children described things. Also, it's just correct! It's not weird to say penis or vulva.

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caiaphas8@reddit

You can use whatever name you like. But there is sound logic in using simple accurate words like penis. Glans is a bit of an odd one to use People do use some strange words for genitals. One example from my safeguarding training was a child who referred to their genitals as a ‘cookie’. Which causes issues when they tried to explain the abuse to a teacher

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WerewolfNo890@reddit

I heard of the same example, so many times, from safeguarding training. I have to test e-learning as part of my job. I have completed manual handling courses from about 30 different companies in the past year.

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Qrbrrbl@reddit

Uh... I hope the *manual handling* courses made no mention of the body parts were talking about here...

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padmasundari@reddit

>referred to their genitals as a ‘cookie’. Jesus. That's hideous too. The inference I'm taking from why it was called that is making me cold.

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ISayISayByEck@reddit

Doodie.

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zonked282@reddit

There are valid points raised around the language not confusing things when trying to report SA, injuries or specific issues, as such my 6 year old knows the words penis and vagina, but we just use the word "bits" around the house for ease and using the full terms just feel..I dunno strong in general conversation

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poseyslipper@reddit

I didnt but it wasn't really a conscious choice, I had boys so there are plenty of non twee words for genitals to use, I think it's harder with girls, everyone seems to have their own twee name for female bits and they are often anatomically ambiguous which isn't helpful. I should add that my parents are doctors and used correct terminology for everything eg umbilicus instead of belly button, this caused other kids to look at me funny as a child but would probably have caused less difficulty if I'd lived in a more leafy middle class area.

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HP1029@reddit

If you don’t want to use correct words use words that make it obvious to any adult what the child is talking about, private parts, girl parts, boy parts, etc. my sister is a teacher and a child at their school kept saying my uncle ate my cookie, nobody realised she was being abused, they just thought he uncle was a jerk who stole biscuits.

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CaptainChunk96215@reddit

I knew the proper words from being like 3/4 and I also used other words. It's really not hard for a kid to understand that something can have more than one name so there's no reason not to let your kid use both

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LondonCycling@reddit

So full disclaimer before I start - I'm an uncle, not a dad. I am also a scout leader for a section called Explorers who are aged 14-17.99. In both cases I use the correct terms, as in, penis and vagina. I'm sure there's a Latin term or something I don't know. It's important I feel that children know the names of their body parts, and genitals are no exception. If you refuse to call them by their actual names, you're almost stigmatising talking about it, which is no good. That said, I also normally saying things like willy, or floof. This is in line with NHS Digital guidance. Boys will normally say their willy if they have a problem, not their penis. There's no need to correct this to penis, and again, normalising talking about their problems is the most important thing. What I will say is that, from a scout leader perspective, I mainly lead the 14-17 year olds and I use penis and vagina as my go to terminology. I'll be honest, I only have to talk about this with one of the scout about once a year, if that. But again, I think it's about normalising it. I've actually twice, in my ~15 years of being an explorer scout leader, had a scout on their first period. We always want to get more female leaders but not always possible so sometimes the male leaders deal with things. On both occasions I started with vagina, but as soon as the scout used a different word, I adopted their word. We have panty liners in the first aid kit (we know they're not strictly first aid items but we need to keep them somewhere), and both times we've helped them out. There have been loads more times where this has happened on camp but we've had female leaders so I've been able to palm that off! Anyway, bit of a tangent. I say - start with the usual terms of penis and vagina, but if they use a different word, adopt that.

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padmasundari@reddit

>We have panty liners in the first aid kit (we know they're not strictly first aid items but we need to keep them somewhere), I actually think that's a pretty god place to keep them. Regardless of how much we want to destigmatise periods and using the correct terms for genitalia etc, for a teenager getting their first period, or an unexpected period is usually quite embarrassing and the last thing they want to do is advertise it to the world by asking for the period kit or whatever. If they're asking for the first aid kit they could have cut themselves, got a headache, got a splinter, got a temperature, anything. It's not making them feel singled out as "LOOK EVERYONE I'M MENSTRUATING, FETCH THE UNSPOKEN KIT, I'M OFF TO THE MENSTRUATION HUT FOR A WEEK OF ISOLATION" (or to quote Arnold J Rimmer "I'm having a woman's period!").

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WerewolfNo890@reddit

Should keep tampons in the first aid kit. I know a guy who had a nosebleed and a girl got a tampon out for him, turns out it works pretty well as an improvised nose plug.

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thatguysaidearlier@reddit

You should start with Penis and Vulva, as that's what kids can see of their own. Saying vagina is like referring to someone's bumhole as their bowel. Vagina for lady bits can lead to medical and hygiene confusion.

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annedroiid@reddit

The times it gets dangerous is when people use words that also refer to things that aren’t genitalia. The example that always gets bandied around was a young girl who reported that her uncle touched her “cookie”, and no one realised she was reporting sexual assault because they thought she was referring to the food.

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HorrorPast4329@reddit

in the UK there was a case where a young (primary aged ) girl kept saying to the school that her uncle was touching her cookie and kept on touching her cookie when she wanted it to stop. carried on for a while until a female teacher assistant asked what she meant because the school asked the parents who didnt understand what she was talking about. turns out thats what she was told to call her vagina because the parents wernt comfortable using scientific names and the uncle was abusing her and it was hidden behind "respectable" phrasing  i have no issue using scientific terms with my daughter.

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mumwifealcoholic@reddit

We use the correct terms. It's safer for kids to be able to talk about their bits without the listener having to translate the "funny" terms.

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IntereestinglyEextra@reddit

My daughter is 4 and she knows she's got a vulva and boys have a penis, but we use more familiar names like bits/bum/willy too.

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laurenacre@reddit

Because there's no need to say scrotum or glans. Penis is more than sucifficeng

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verisakeet62@reddit

My boys really liked "scrotum"...thought it was extremely funny, especially as they're Scottish and can infinitely roll the "r" sound! They stopped when they hit mid-20s and had (they thought) matured. Boys...if you're reading this, "scrrrrrrrrrrotum"!!!! Otherwise, "willy" or "bawz".

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Lybertyne2@reddit

I don't have children but when I was a kid it was *willy* and *John Thomas.*

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destria@reddit

I was a teacher of kids aged 4 to 8 and I always used the scientific biological term and insisted they do the same. When we started sex ed, I was very strict with them to say that we use these precise terms so that everyone understands what they mean. I explained that people may have other words for it and they might find it funny, but really it's no different to talking about your elbow and I wasn't going to be impressed with any giggles because we're here to learn. Anyway, fast forward a few months and we had a guest science lecturer visit the school who was teaching the class about digestion. He asked the class where does the food leave? A 6 year old girl in my class answers "Well you urinate through your urethra and I think you poo out of your vagina and it goes past your vulva?" and the scientist was pretty amused but without missing a beat, replied "Actually you defecate (poo) from your anus, it travels past the colon and through this part called your rectum before coming out of your anus." The whole class are just nodding, taking notes... And I'm at the back unable to keep in my laughter! Joking aside, I do think it's important to teach children the precise anatomical terms for our genitals for safeguarding reasons. I always explained to my class that there are certain areas like the penis and vulva where people (other than their doctors) shouldn't generally touch without their permission. That if this was happening or does happen, they should try to talk to a trusted adult about it. And by using the correct terms, there won't be any confusion. Otherwise you can imagine a kid saying an adult has touched their "muff" or whatever and that starts a whole safeguarding coven but they just meant that someone pat them on the tummy or something.

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killingmehere@reddit

Scrotum and Glans seems a bit intense dude....penis and testicles is fine

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Clever_Username_467@reddit

No. I don't refer to young children's genitals at all.

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terryjuicelawson@reddit

It is important not to overuse cute terms or vague things like "down there" in case there are medical issues or suggestions of inappropriate touching. It depends on context really, the real names definitely should not be alien to children.

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jazzsmells@reddit

THATS YA PENIS SON

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anotherwastedshite@reddit

> Is this just classic American paranoia or is there some sensible justification for it? It’s definitely more than just paranoia. I know a couple of people who work with vulnerable children in the UK and are involved with safeguarding. They are big advocates of using the correct terminology and it seems to be recommended by most professionals. The general consensus seems to be that [we need more research](https://www.psychologytoday.com/gb/blog/going-beyond-intelligence/201703/call-children-s-private-body-parts-what-they-are?amp), but the fact that most professionals advocate correct terminology is a strong argument for it. It’s definitely a stretch to say that slang names directly *cause* sexual abuse. But it seems absolutely logical that correct names could *prevent* abuse. So that’s why I’ll be teaching my daughter the correct terms when she’s old enough.

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padmasundari@reddit

When I was a student nurse one of our lecturers told me about a lady with downs syndrome who had come to the a&e he worked at with abdominal pain. They asked her if there was any chance she could be pregnant and she was adamant that she couldn't possibly be as she was a virgin. She knew you had to have sex to get pregnant but no-one ever told her what sex was. When she then gave birth a few hours later it transpired that she'd been being raped for several years but that she'd been told it was "special cuddles". So yeah, it's absolutely important to teach people the correct terms, and to make sure people know what words mean and not at all paranoia, American or otherwise.

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cuccir@reddit

We use vulva with our girl. I think generally it's more important to give girls a 'proper' name to describe their genitals because there is a history of women receiving worse healthcare because of a general reluctance to describe what's going on down there. Whereas willy, dick, cock and penis are all more commonly used words. I'm not sure where the nonsense about sexual abuse in the post you reference comes from. But where the evidence is pretty sound is in relation to broader gential/urinary tract health, where I think it's fairly well established that women's health has been worse in part because they have historically been encouraged not to understand or recognise their own body.

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Qyro@reddit

Honestly I think teaching little girls to refer to their genitals as vulva is a great idea. Not only is it more accurate, but it also sounds less clinical. It feels more on the same level as “willy”, even if it is technically the more biological term.

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TraditionalCow220@reddit

Yes, and specifically with the comments here, everyone is familiar with the difference between a penis and scrotum, but not the vulva and vagina. And it's a pretty important difference if a child is trying to tell you what part hurts.

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shatnersbassooncake@reddit

It's surprising how many adults don't know the difference between the vulva and vagina. I've always used the correct biological terms for body parts with my daughter. She's a teen now so just rolls her eyes when I say vulva or vagina. I also told her what periods were when she was about 5, she wanted to know why I had stick on nappies (sanitary towels). So I just told her in age appropriate terms, without using euphemisms.

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Toenutlookamethatway@reddit

I think Willy is perfectly acceptable. I found it very weird an ex used the term Noonoo for both her girl and boy. Considering how squeamish and 'friggid' she was, I can't help but this was her feelings of simply 'No no' spilling over. She never educated at all. If either made any reference at all to genitalia they were scorned She was like a devout Christian without the religion Uncomfortable wierd. I imagine those kids grew up with some serious issues

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jimsyjampots@reddit

Absolutely I do. Does it feel odd using the word “vulva” to a four year old? Yep. Feels odd saying it full stop. But it only feels odd to me because I didn’t grow up with it, not because it actually IS odd. There js nothing wrong or inappropriate with kids knowing about their own bodies. Even if it does occasionally mean my kid proudly tells strangers that he came out of my vagina. It’s up to you how much detail you go into though. My four year old son knows he has a penis, with a testicles and a scrotum and testes. Haven’t needed to talk to him about having a glans yet, though….? And most of the time we just talk about his willy and balls. And this isn’t American paranoia. I used to work at Childline/NSPCC and it was recommended by then to teach kids the proper names rather than euphemisms, it genuinely does stop sexual abuse being hidden because kids who don’t have the words to explain what’s happening to them I

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No_Choice_4me@reddit

I think there's two issues with using euphemisms, firstly that a child needs to be able to express themselves properly. Not just for abuse but medical needs. It's no good little Billy telling his teacher or school nurse that his privates are bleeding, they need to know what exactly is bleeding. The other is shame. Why shouldn't a 2 year old know the word scrotum? You don't use cutesy word for eyes or hair or elbow? But the genitals, ppl have alot of shame or issues with and your just spreading that to kids. At the end of the day, it's the parents choice. I think terms that are still obvious are ok like fanny or willy or bum because the child can still express themselves accurately and safely. Do I think it will save a child from abuse? Hopefully but the big issue is its usually someone the child trusts and they're usually persuaded or threatened not to talk. So having open conversations and your child feeling safe to talk to you is more important. Teaching things like bathing suite rule, if it's under your swimming costume, no one else should touch it without your permission. Or the good secret bad secret. If its for one person and its OK if you tell others that's a good secret. If you can't tell anyone and they say bad things will happen if you tell, that's a bad secret and you should tell everybody

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thefootster@reddit

My kids are 7 and 5, we use "Gina" and "Willy" generally, but if it's more of a chat about problems down there then we use the proper terms

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Fancy-Mortgage8343@reddit

As a kid we never used penis or vagina, those were "bad words" and i wish they weren't, they're the same as saying arm or leg. But like top comment, we used wee wee for the peen and i called mine she wee for the vag. Never anything like "my flower" or those stupid terms. As long as you (and most people) actually understand theres no problems using cutesy terms. Its just making sure penis and vagina don't become uncomfortable or bad words.

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Valuable-Wallaby-167@reddit

>the people there basically consider you to be throwing your kids into the arms of sexual predators if you use any word that isn't the scientific biological term for them. Did they explain WHY they thought that???

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marshallandy83@reddit (OP)

https://reddit.com/r/daddit/s/tVq04uwRSA This is a fairly typical response to the question. That post will have more examples too.

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Valuable-Wallaby-167@reddit

I... what? Well I've worked with kids for many years and this is the first time I've come across this logic. I'd like to see if there's an evidence base for it (I strongly suspect there isn't). kids advocating for themselves might put a predator off, more of a chance of them saying something afterwards, but what word they use wouldn't change that.

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Apidium@reddit

Imagine this. A little girl plucks up her courage and tells her teacher that Dave touched her cookie. Dave happens to be the name of one of the boys at the school. The teacher brushes it off. Kids get into squabbles about lunchtime shit all the time and let's be real here that's the dinner ladies problem. She now never tells an adult ever again because of the responce she got. Dave is her uncle and for whatever reason growing up she was taught to call her vagina a cookie. Congratulations. A child is now being sexually abused and her lifeline had no fucking idea what she was on about all because of a very easily resolved misunderstanding of names. The words children use matters a lot. Even if the parents understand cookie means vagina are they going to grasp that distinction when the teacher has a quick chat with them at pick up that another boy got into a disagreement with her at lunch time? Are they inherently going to go all detective wait a minute I didn't pack a cookie and what did you say the boys name was. My brothers name is the same as that. Oh no uncle Dave is a fucking pedophile? Or are they going to be more ah well no big deal kids have lunchtime squabbles. For a child it takes a lot to tell an adult and if that adult in essence tells them to shut up and go away they are going to do just that and never tell another adult. I sure as shit wouldn't as a kid. The misunderstanding may not be able to be easily communicated when a kid is stressed and scared. Just imagine that situation. It's not unforeseeable the teacher might say something to the effect of its fine that Dave touched your cookie. It's not a big deal. It's just a cookie. That sort of miscommunication is a fucking disaster waiting to happen. It's not hard to call a vagina a vagina and a penis a penis. Doing so might turn what could be a childhood long torment of sexual abuse into a traumatic but substantially less traumatic one time event.

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BeccasBump@reddit

It's a safeguarding issue. If a little girl tells her teacher someone touched her cookie, that might not set off any alarm bells. If she tells her teacher someone touched her vulva, however... Let's not get into how iffy it is in the first place that some people use "cookie" as a euphemism for a little girl's genitals.

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Valuable-Wallaby-167@reddit

That makes more sense than the example given from the other post. Though there's a difference between not using really euphemistic names and using non-scientific but widely recognised names.

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BeccasBump@reddit

I agree - see my other comment. I've found that American parenting groups can be very black and white. They get hold of an idea that makes sense, then proceed to throw absolutely all nuance out of the window.

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Apidium@reddit

Look eveyone isn't saying you need to crack out the diagrams. What they are saying is that at school for instance your kid needs to be able to go up to the teacher and say 'my penis hurts' or 'my vagina is bleeding' and not have the teacher convinced their stuffed teddy is what was injured instead because you taught them some weird as shit word nobody knows. The typical example used for this was a sexual abuse case where the child described her vagina as a cookie and naturally the teacher involved did not grasp as quickly as we would want that this was a sexual assault case oppose to a lunch break based bit of snack malarkey. That being said. If the child is ready for it why not use the correct terms. We call fingers fingers after all. We don't just hand wave a kids very specific between the finger excma as 'an arm rash' there are benifits to both knowing the correct terms for anatomy and being able to use them. Kids don't always announce to you that they have reached the point they are needing to take better care of their genitals. A girl knowing its fine to wash her labia but not inside her vagina is really important. Presumably a boy would need to know some such similar details. Based on a number of adults correct penis washing technique is typically glossed over in children so please let's actually teach boys and if that means saying glans then so what? A teenage boy will be far less receptive to a sit down talk about how to wash his dick than a younger child would. If you wait too long they may be mortified and not actually take any of it in. You do not need or want a weird infection to prompt the discussion.

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gegorb@reddit

It was always my Micky when I was a kid. No idea why.

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External-Book-3698@reddit

Mostly we say "girl parts" and "boy parts" but I use anatomical names when needed to speak about specific parts. General: * girl parts and boy parts are private parts. * Don't forget to clean your girl parts in the shower. * Put your nappy in the bin then wipe your boy parts But when relevent I will use specifics: EG: * The baby will come out of my vagina * Hold your penis still when doing a wee * Make sure the toilet roll wipes your anus and goes straight into the toilet

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BeccasBump@reddit

"Sex case" haha. My kids are 5 and 2. They know and we occasionally use the proper words for their genitals, but we also and more typically use euphemisms, e.g. willy, front bottom. I know the safeguarding arguments, and I think those terms are common and unambiguous enough to meet the "Uncle Frank touched my ___" test. I'd avoid more cutesy, ambiguous terms like bunny, fairy, cookie, etc. I also use tummy for stomach, bum for buttocks, boobs for (my) breasts, and so on. I think there is a difference between using common, universally understood colloquialisms and using *code*.

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Brilliant-Arthur@reddit

Going to a teacher or doctor or any professional and say "that strange man in the playground touched my boobs and then touched Timmy's willy", at least there is no confusion for exactly what was touched.

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BeccasBump@reddit

It isn't usually a strange man in the playground, however.

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Brilliant-Arthur@reddit

Yeah, I know, it's generally someone they know - and should be trusting towards.

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Tutphish@reddit

We were told by our Health Visitor that we should use the correct terms for the reason you stated, she explained that it was because people had gotten away with crimes against children because the child used pet names instead of the correct terms and that cast doubt on their testimony or something.

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MrSpindles@reddit

My kids are all grown up, but my grand daughter was proudly proclaiming that boys have a penis and girls have a vagina at about age 6, entirely for comedy effect. This tracks with my memories of my sister back when I was a kid in the early 80s, so I think some people's complaints that somehow this is a new trend being forced on parents and kids is a bit of an imagined thing. We brought our kids up to be very matter of fact about their bodies so as to avoid stigma, it seemed to work out ok.

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Forteanforever@reddit

Explain what you mean by "classic American paranoia" and, especially, how it is different from any other country's "classic paranoia."

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Brilliant-Arthur@reddit

Yes. For girls it's kind of more difficult as there's more words. But boys, it's easier. Doctors prefer parents to teach their kids the correct words. One of our GPs, back in the day, when my (young at the time) kid used the correct words, the Doctor basically said "Well then. There's no confusion here as to what the problem is.". He said he has young kids come in and speak about their <insert cute, fluffy word for penis / vagina> and the doctor used to struggle with understanding what it was that is in pain. So, yes, my kids learnt the correct words from day dot. If they needed to speak to someone professional, there was not confusion.

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Xandertheokay@reddit

Don't have a child (yet) but I will be teaching them the correct words for parts and not just cute-sie little words like 'noonie' or 'winky'. It can cause issues if abuse happens and prevent adults from knowing what is happening, also I just hate most of the alternative words anyway. I won't be using anatomically correct words though, just pretty standard ones.

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penicuiklass@reddit

What’s wrong with just calling it a penis?

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Vellaciraptor@reddit

They should always know the right words but you don't have to always call everything by its proper name. I would apply that rule to most things tbh, though in this case my understanding is that it's because knowing the proper words allows children to report things that have happened to them without any space for confusion.

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PinkSudoku13@reddit

>I've got a two-year-old son and I can't imagine saying words like scrotum or glans until he's around puberty age. i don't think they necessarily mean scotum or glans. I think they're more likely referring to labia/vulva/vagina instead of down there,nether regions, etc. A lot of the alternative words sound like you should be ashamed and it's a secret. If the parent is ashamed of using the proper name, the child will be too. But, also only using anatomical words can go overboard. The wording needs to be age-specific. A little boy doesn't need to know what scrotum is but he should know that peepee is also called a penis.

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blackthornjohn@reddit

No, for some reason our kids came up with their own alternative names, strangely each kid had a different name for each bit.

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