What's the weirdest thing authority/bureaucracy has made you do?

Posted by longwait444@reddit | AskUK | View on Reddit | 36 comments

I know we love a good bit of red tape here on this fair isle, but sometimes some of the stuff we need to do is bizarre. For example, I've been increasingly amused and perplexed by the fact the government have told me and my girlfriend we need to get married if she wants to stay in the country. It's a dead simple process too, and doesn't cost much. It seems bizarre, like if they said "we'll cut one of your arms off unless you get a provisional driving licence!" We're just like "errr....OK, seems a bit unnecessary but you're threatening us with violence so not much we can do about that apart from play ball." A more minor example is banks and the like asking you to enter a code sent to your phone for some transactions, but *I'm literally on my phone* so if it wasn't legit the person buying shit using my phone would receive the code too. Anyone beat my first example on the "totally insane, why would they make you do that?" stakes?

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PlasticFreeAdam@reddit

PAYE submissions. If you employ or don’t employ (but are still a company) you have to submit every month to say you’re not submitting. Forget and you’re fined. Like I do six tax returns per year right now (quarterly VAT, corporation, self assessment). Basic Tools (the government gateway) is a monthly annoyance. Haven’t employed since covid because economy is in the toilet. I think it’s all scam by accountants to keep them employed doing bureaucracy.

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blacksmithMael@reddit

Don't forget that you have to sign a letter to yourself to opt out of enrolling yourself in auto-enrollment. I get the whole 'separate legal entity' thing, but all the paperwork just gets a bit much. Also, I have a spreadsheet for all my government gateway login numbers, which all do different things and apparently can absolutely not all be consolidating into one easy account number.

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longwait444@reddit (OP)

And then they wonder why it's so easy for people to get away with tax evasion! That one is also a fantastic example of the backfire effect.

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7ootles@reddit

If it's a simple thing and doesn't cost too much, why don't you just do it? The weirdest beurocracy I've encountered is the process of applying for a passport. The process is so anal and obfuscated and flagrantly counterintuitive, it's almost like a parody of itself.

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ATSOAS87@reddit

This is surprising to see. It took about 20 minutes, and I had the passport in less than 2 weeks.

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7ootles@reddit

I never had a passport before and my mother was adopted. It's made the whole thing into a real... adventure. I applied in late July and I'm looking at having my interview in October and maybe getting the damn' thing a few weeks after that.

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longwait444@reddit (OP)

Oh we are, in a few weeks. No choice - the "threatening us with violence" thing wasn't just part of the daft arm chopping off/provisional licence analogy, they're literally doing it for real. I don't want to end up dead or in Belmarsh trying to defend me and her, but that's how far they take it. Then they give this weird get-out clause. It's incredibly strange. I'm still totally stumped. All the visa stuff (another story) seems to stack up too, so we should be golden there.

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geeered@reddit

Marriage has some significant consequences typically that require pretty careful thought. It is supposed to be a lifelong commitment. Rightly or wrongly, it's something that is viewed as very important; see the fights for gay marriage.

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longwait444@reddit (OP)

Not if you're not religious and don't own any property or have kids. I don't own my own house, yet, have no kids, no hedge funds (unfortunately). Neither of us are particularly religious - I believe in god but I think he's a cunt and wouldn't want to have a happy day in one of his churches/etc. Did you downvote that reply btw? Not having a go, just curious. Are you religious?

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ManyHabit8785@reddit

The village my mum lives in, which has a population of 100, hasn't had a recorded crime in over 100 years, is miles away from anywhere, and not even near a B road let alone a main road, with the average age of the citizens being over 60: they had to do a terrorism threat risk assessment for their weekly coffee morning in the village hall for the knitting group.

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Key_Taro_2719@reddit

Could it be that there's no recorded crime as the police are hiding it for the greater good?

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TheRealVinosity@reddit

It's because of those pesky yarn bombers...

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Asleep_Equipment_355@reddit

I ordered a plastic knife from a well known kitchen shop online. It is to use when cutting tray bakes in non stick pans so that you don't scratch the surface. I received an email from the company saying that as I was not on the open electoral register they would need an image of my driving licence, passport or birth certificate to prove that I am over 18. Now had this been a fancy metal knife, I might have sent it. However, this is a plastic knife that cuts nothing but cake so I didn't. Later bought it in a shop instead!

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longwait444@reddit (OP)

That's a clear case of them totally misunderstanding the law. An easy way around this is to require the courier to do an ID check on delivery - loads of companies that sell restricted age items do this.

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All_within_my_hands@reddit

I used to work for an insurer in a department that sent out very long, detailed letters to customers breaking down how their income affected their insurance payouts. These letters would have dozens and dozens of entries in the appendix. Each time one of these entries was referenced in the letter there would be a number of asterisks in the letter prompting the customer to reference the appendix. So entry one in the appendix would be marked by a single asterisk, entry two by two asterisks, three by three and so on. Well this got silly as due to the number or entries in the appendix you could have letters that had links like this ***************************************************************************. This seemed ridiculous to me so I started using superscript numbers instead. After all ^24 is a lot easier to distinguish from ^25 than ************************ is from *************************. Because of this I ended up failing an internal audit. When I challenged the auditor I was told in no uncertain terms that "we are not all computer wizkids and so can't do fancy small floating numbers".

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longwait444@reddit (OP)

I trust this wasn't a major well known insurance company? That's proper incompetence on their part!

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CaminoFan@reddit

Not the weirdest but annoying. The NHS app for staff regarding employment is useless. When you select “See my payslip” it just bounces you to the website. In a new browser. Where you have to log in. What’s the fucking point of the app then??

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merryman1@reddit

Having to pay my £0 car tax or being in breach of the law. Calling my GP surgery to leave a note for my GP. An hour on hold. Got through to be told they don't do triage calls until an hour later so call back then. Because they can't just write down a short note unless it's the appointed time apparently.

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JennyW93@reddit

lmao a few weeks ago I missed a call from my GP by about a minute. Rang straight back and was told I wasn’t allowed to speak to him because I’m not on his list for the day. Asked if I could leave a message, but I couldn’t because I wasn’t on his list for the day. I had to make a whole appointment the next morning just for him to give me a 2 second update about a referral. Absolutely ridiculous.

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adamneigeroc@reddit

To renew my parking permit, I have to download my council tax bill from ‘my account’ on the council website, and re upload it to the same ‘my account’ section as a proof of address.

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bladefiddler@reddit

Rates relief confirmations. I work with charity shops (yes, they get 80% standard discount). The local councils review that every few years though, so you have to complete a for to confirm that yes, you're still occupying the property and yes, you're still a registered charity. The kicker though is that some of the essential fields are the property address and the rates account number - which is printed on the covering letter, but MUST be copied onto the printed blank form - on the other side of the same page.....

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LogicalTexts@reddit

Weirdest is the Cattle/Sheep-Coral style roping at banks, airports, film theatres, etc. Making people zig zag all over, when the place is empty. I just walk right up and ignore them with a grin.

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ATSOAS87@reddit

It's a crowd control method for when it's busy, and they can adjust how long the queue is within the same area available. It's easier to just leave it in place, instead of reconfiguring it.

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LogicalTexts@reddit

We know!

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CakeThrill@reddit

If there's no one there, I always look for the short circuit and open it. Fuck zig zagging.

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LogicalTexts@reddit

Right! And let’s not forget Two-Tonne-Tessy, sprawled full width in the security line, repacking her overweight bag because she misplaced her passport.

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longwait444@reddit (OP)

Something I've just thought about that too - if there's a fire or some kind of emergency that causes people to quickly make for the exits, that stuff is just going to fall over and trip people up.

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LogicalTexts@reddit

Yup, legit dangerous in a bomb-scare situation

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DrunkStoleATank@reddit

Welcome to HRMC online. Please enter you login Now enter your Gateway ID Password please Now User ID Government ID please Enter a code we've texted your old number Latin name for fox Your name in Sanskrit 176th digit of Pi There's a scroll in your garden. Find it.

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apeliott@reddit

Phone numbers can be spoofed. By sending a code to a number you have already registered with them helps get around that. Most inconvenient bureaucracy I came across was applying for a change of visa in Australia. They made me fly 1,500 miles to a different country just to make the application, wait around for three weeks, then fly 1,500 miles back to Australia.

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longwait444@reddit (OP)

If someone had nicked my phone though, they'd have it. And yeah, Australians are mental. I fucking hate Australians - yeah yeah, racist, but they're incredibly and institutionally racist so pot, kettle, black. Well, pot, kettle, white. If it was black, it would struggle to get a visa for Australia....

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Previous-Ad7618@reddit

They don’t know you’re on your phone. You just know you’re on your phone.

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Craft_on_draft@reddit

When I was first moving to Lithuania, I couldn’t get a job contract without residency and an LT bank account, I couldn’t get residency without a job contract, I couldn’t get a bank account without residency and a job contract. So, I had to get a job contract from the UK arm of the business with my place of work in Lithuania, then I had to open an online shitty bank account to get residency. All just to scrap it and redo everything are after the red tape was satisfied.

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longwait444@reddit (OP)

This is a bind a large number of homeless people find themselves in. There are ways around it, charities and organizations that help, but very little "official" help and simply lots of barriers thrown up instead.

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Craft_on_draft@reddit

Yeah it was nuts, you made me remember another element, I needed an address for all of them , but I was staying in a hotel as I needed residency/banking/job contract to rent somewhere, so, I was lucky my fiancés parents let me use their address