Can anyone share their experiences being a pallbearer for a cremation?

Posted by TheGreatMontezuma@reddit | AskUK | View on Reddit | 17 comments

My close friend's father has sadly and unexpectedly passed away; the funeral is next Thursday and I've been asked to be a pallbearer. I'm honoured to have been asked and would very much like to do this to support my friend, but do have some hesitations given the logistics. I was under the impression there are usually six pallbearers, but apparently they're only going with four. I think the cremation caskets are a lot lighter than burial ones, and that we're carrying it at waist height and not on our shoulders. Has anyone does this before and can confirm whether it's still majorly heavy? To be frank my friend's dad was not the smallest chap, and neither me or my friend are particularly strong. His much more in shape brother and his friend will be at the front of the casket, while me and mine are carrying the rear. With the weight distribution amongst 4 (two strong, two not particularly...) is this manageable? I'd say I'd classify my strength level as average, possible leaning towards low-average, and my friend is probably weaker than me. Is this a terrible idea waiting to happen and we're going to end up dropping the casket, or will all the weight divided amongst four, with the two stronger pallbearers taking the brunt of it make it manageable? Thanks in advance for any advice

17 Comments

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tycbard@reddit

At my Granddad's they put the trolley on a coffin, so I don't think we actually lifted it iirc

RogansUncle@reddit

Why did they do that? It would have been better the other way around.

TheGreatGrappaApe@reddit

You'll be fine, the handles are laid out as to equalise the weight each bearer must carry. If you can carry a bag of cement you can carry a coffin. The undertakers will make sure you're all ready before sending you off. It is an honourable thing you're doing, chin up.

Solid_Bake4577@reddit

The journey from is going to be easier than the journey there.

Psimo-@reddit

I carried a friend, and she was large. However it was a wicker coffin which made it a lot lighter. The biggest problem was that I was about 5 inches shorter than everyone else so it was fairly awkward. But she was my best friend and I still miss her. I would have done it whatever it took.

TangyZizz@reddit

Thank you for being there for your friend. I’m sure you’ve been asked because your friend has lots of trust in you and in my experience funeral and crematorium staff are fantastic at stage managing everything and quietly, unobtrusively supporting the family of the deceased and the attendees. You’ve got this!

sitonachair@reddit

I carried my dad with my siblings and brother in law (two of us are women, all together 6 of us but had him on our shoulders) he was heavy, but we didn't drop him :)

petejse@reddit

Former Funeral Director, now crematorium manager here. Most of the time nowadays, 4 bearers is the norm unless the deceased was a particularly heavy person when there’s either 6 or the coffin is taken in on wheels and you take the coffin in on that by holding the handles at the side. Generally, the taller people go at the back with the shorter at the front. Those at the back carry more weight than those at the front because the bulk of the bodies weight is in the top half generally. The vast majority of coffins nowadays for burial and cremation are the same and usually made of veneered chipboard/MDF. Occasionally people still choose a solid wood coffin which does substantially add to the weight. Funeral director staff always walk in alongside and it’s a practised skill to be able to swoop in and jump in where needed. The funeral directors generally pull the coffin from the hearse and feed the coffin through to the bearers who are stood in parallel lines facing each other at the rear of the vehicle. Generally it’s not a long walk from the hearse to the catafalque (platform where the coffin rests during the service) so you might be surprised at how well you manage. If you’re struggling or nervous, let the funeral director staff know- we’re used to keeping an eye on people and there to help! Some things vary by region but generally that’s about it. Feel free to reach out with any questions and good luck- many people have had the same anxieties of you and gone on to be absolutely fine! :)

chipschopspeas@reddit

I've been a bearer 3 times. Even for cremation, I've only ever seen 6 bearers. Never 4. Coffins have always felt a bit heavier than expected. I've only ever carried them on my shoulder. Feel like that would be easier once it's up there. Be mindful of any steps up/down when carrying.

ACmrS@reddit

Unfortunately I’ve been a pallbearer on five occasions. Four have been cremations and one a buriel. Each time it was four people carrying the coffin. As the weight is distributed evenly it’s not as heavy as you would think. Also the funeral directors are close by to sweep in if needed

spaceshipcommander@reddit

I've carried 2 caskets. They aren't heavy at all. They are only chip board. You just need to make sure you're paired up with someone your height. Being by far the tallest meant that I pretty much carried half of it on my own, despite there being 6 of us.if you can carry a bag of sand on your shoulder you can carry a casket.

Does-It-Now@reddit

I carried my sister. On shoulder with 5 others. It was heavier than expected and we kept walking into each other. Perhaps the greatest sense of relief ever to put it down without having dropped it. There will be some pros there to tell you what to do, but otherwise you get no practice.

cursedanddefiled@reddit

I used to work at a crematorium and often the caskets were not designed to be carried by the handles (the handles were all decorative and fake). I'd contact the funeral director and ask about logistics. If he was a heavy chap they're likely to be using a trolley.

bonkerz1888@reddit

Had to be one for my very large aunty. I was amazed by how light it was tbh. I was nervous beforehand too but the funeral directors will talk you through everything.

Simon_Elliott@reddit

I was one of six pallbearers for my father in law. It felt pretty heavy to me. Talk to the Funeral directors, they should be able to answer any questions you might have.

barriedalenick@reddit

In my experience it isn't overly bad as in heavy and at waist height it will be fine and you might well have a trolley as mentioned. The funeral company people will get it out of the car and direct you on what to do and hand it over when they are happy to do so. You are not left to just get on with it. If you are worried then contact the funeral company to allay your fears..

BibbleBeans@reddit

If you’re carrying at waist height it’ll probably be on a little trolley and you’ll be more of a pusher than a bearer. With four tripping over each others feet is less likely to happen when walking and there will be a member of the undertakers staff there to manage the manoeuvring probably, just follow their lead they are the professional.

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