How do parents retain the ability to reduce us to stroppy teenagers?

Oh man, I relate. Due to various factors mostly out of my control, I still live with my parents, and the way certain things can make me feel a power imbalance like when I was a teenager is wild and infuriating. I’m in my early 30s, but sometimes they say things like I’m a minor and I remind them I’m an adult and would be doing it if I lived elsewhere. The bit that hit me the most in your comment is the “they don’t mean to do it, but….”. I’ve spent 15+ years both calling my parent out for emotional abuse and excusing it because I know they don’t do it intentionally. It would almost be easier if it was deliberate because I wouldn’t have so many conflicting feelings *and* it would be easier for them to change it if they wanted to, but it’s unintentional, deeply rooted habit from their own parents, so they don’t even know they’re doing it half the time (let alone feel it coming and stop themselves). I struggle with the complexity of “my parent is unintentionally emotionally abusive” because emotional abuse is major and “unintentional” feels like it minimises the reality of its impact, but “emotionally abusive” carries this “they’re really nasty and/or evil” vibe and it just isn’t that straightforward, so I always clarify that it’s unintentional. It feels like the trauma is more complicated because of it.