I am in a similar position but due to an accident I was in, I still drive but I can’t face fast roads, specifically dual carriageways or motorways. I’ve tried Hypnotherapy which I hoped would work however it didn’t for me. My next plan is to try more lessons. I’ve been driving about 14 years.
Respect for not driving if you have issues. The one thing that can get you killed is not having the confidence to pull out and commit to a turn etc. Therapy or small trips to a local shop, 3-5 mile away might ease your nerves.
As a life long anxiety sufferer, I always worry about "the before" for anything (meeting friends, going to the pub etc) and my nerves settle when I'm in the moment.
Yeah this is not normal. Driving becomes as natural as walking, imagine trying to walk to the shops and you cry if you see another person coming towards you or if you needed to use a pedestrian crossing. The only way to improve is just do it, I'd get more lessons with an instructor who can reassure you. Therapy. An automatic gets rid of the need for various driving bits like finding a biting point or gears.
I second all the suggestions people say about really short journeys at quiet times etc, pass plus could help (I would do it if I could afford it), but also for rolling back just use your handbrake and treat every take off as a hill start? I feel like holding the bite on an incline is a bit of an advanced technique if the pedal work doesn't come naturally to you? Pass plus could really help you with this if you said to your instructor that you wanted to spend a good chunk of time practising this.
I'm quite anxious driving too but realistically I know for me the only thing that helps is repetition. I have quite a bit of anxiety around my space being gone when I come home during the day cos I live on a really busy dead end street. So you're not alone by any means. Lookup on YouTube "driving anxiety" and see if any of those videos make you feel like your problem is a bit more common and something you can overcome
Sell the car and buy an automatic - no biting point to worry about, no gear changes to get wrong, no stalling. Use P plates as well while you get comfortable with driving so that other drivers are more likely to be patient with you
One thing that stood out to me in your post is that you said you had no issues during your driving lessons and you’ve already passed your test.
That suggests you’re capable of driving.
What you’re describing sounds much more like an anxiety problem than a driving problem.
A lot of people are told that they simply need more practice, and whilst practice can help with driving skills, it doesn’t always resolve driving anxiety.
In fact, if someone is repeatedly practising whilst feeling overwhelmed, panicked, or terrified, they can end up strengthening the association between driving and anxiety.
The reason I say this is because many of the people we work with tell us exactly what you’ve written here:
They know how to drive.
They’ve passed their test.
They understand what they should be doing.
Yet the moment they get behind the wheel, their mind starts racing, their concentration disappears, their body goes into panic mode, and driving feels impossible.
When that happens, the issue is often no longer about driving ability. It’s about the anxiety response that has become attached to driving.
The encouraging thing is that you’ve already demonstrated that you can drive. You passed your test. The skills are there.
What you’re struggling with now is the fear response that is getting triggered whenever you think about or attempt driving.
I’ve written more about how we help people overcome driving anxiety using the C.A.L.M.S. Method here:
https://ianmurtonhypnotherapy.com/calms-method/what-is-the-c-a-l-m-s-method-for-driving-anxiety/
For now, I’d encourage you to stop seeing yourself as someone who “can’t drive.”
Your post actually reads like someone who can drive, but whose anxiety has become attached to driving.
They’re very different things.
You’re definitely not alone in experiencing this.
One thing that stood out to me in your post is that you said you had no issues during your driving lessons and you’ve already passed your test.
That suggests you’re capable of driving.
What you’re describing sounds much more like an anxiety problem than a driving problem.
A lot of people are told that they simply need more practice, and whilst practice can help with driving skills, it doesn’t always resolve driving anxiety.
In fact, if someone is repeatedly practising whilst feeling overwhelmed, panicked, or terrified, they can end up strengthening the association between driving and anxiety.
The reason I say this is because many of the people we work with tell us exactly what you’ve written here:
They know how to drive.
They’ve passed their test.
They understand what they should be doing.
Yet the moment they get behind the wheel, their mind starts racing, their concentration disappears, their body goes into panic mode, and driving feels impossible.
When that happens, the issue is often no longer about driving ability. It’s about the anxiety response that has become attached to driving.
The encouraging thing is that you’ve already demonstrated that you can drive. You passed your test. The skills are there.
What you’re struggling with now is the fear response that is getting triggered whenever you think about or attempt driving.
I’ve written more about how we help people overcome driving anxiety using the C.A.L.M.S. Method here:
https://ianmurtonhypnotherapy.com/calms-method/what-is-the-c-a-l-m-s-method-for-driving-anxiety/
For now, I’d encourage you to stop seeing yourself as someone who “can’t drive.”
Your post actually reads like someone who can drive, but whose anxiety has become attached to driving.
They’re very different things.
You’re definitely not alone in experiencing this.
Try setting very small targets then working up. Start with driving round the block and then stopping. Tell yourself that you only need to achieve a pre determined set of turns and will only see a couple of cars in that time. Then when you come back in one piece celebrate it, reward yourself. Then one you’ve done that a few times increase the distance.
After I passed, I literally started with just sitting in my car for 15-20 minutes, then driving less than a kilometre to the supermarket, then driving a bit farther to a park I know very well, and building up from there. Now I've driven all around the country.
For me, driving with someone else in the car with me didn't particularly help - I mean, it did, in that I wasn't so nervous, but it also didn't give me the experience I actually needed, which was the confidence to be able to make decisions on my own without asking a more experienced driver.
For that reason, extra lessons wouldn't have helped me at all. I was already (according to my instructor) a very good driver when he was in the car; I just had zero confidence to drive on my own, so that's what I needed to do.
One final note: planning to do some driving and then changing your mind because you're nervous only tells your brain that you were right to be anxious. If it's at all possible, plan to go driving (with baby steps, as noted above) and don't let yourself back out of it unless you absolutely have no other choice.
You need to close the loop on the feedback.
Every time you drive and nothing happens, say to yourself "Yes, I did that, I was fine. I smashed it. I am awesome."
Every time you see another car while you're driving and nothing bad happens, say "Cool, nothing to worry about there then"
Every time you do a hill start, say "I'm fucking amazing at this"
Every time you don't stall, say "This clutch is my bitch"
Repetition. Over and over. Train yourself. You can do it.
By driving.
The reason you’re anxious is because you stopped driving. The best way to get over it is to face it and do it.
Every anxious driver I know stopped driving after they passed, or they only drive one route to and from work and nothing else.
I moved across the country the same week I got my car, I was forced to drive on all sorts of roads and it’s paid off
Yep. And a co-driver for a bit until confidence gets better. Hesitation will cause accidents or dangerous unpredictable driving so OP is better off the roads until this issue is fixed.
Could you go back to the beginning with this - first try just having a cup of tea sat in the driving seat parked up - may help you associate the car with being more relaxed that stress. Then after you’ve done this a few times, could you ask someone you trust to drive you to an empty car park and then just have a go pulling off and stopping. Build from here to driving around the car park, then when you’re ready start with small trips that really you ought to walk - up to the shop to buy a chocolate bar etc. Take it very slow and gently, don’t feel in a rush, and be proud for each small step taken.
This one, you need to take it extremely slow
Like proper baby steps.
Maybe you could also try out to drive without being on the road.
Try to find a huge IKEA parking lot, have a mate drive you there afte closing hours and just drive a couple of slow rounds.
Pr try out a trucking simulator.
Try to find a way to 'drive' without partaking in traffic.
This could enable to take half of your anxiety.
You would be a confident driver when you first join traffic.
It's important to be a confident driver, lack of confidence could cause you to make mistakes. If you lack confidence best thing is to get extra lessons to build that confidence.
You could get an auto, that makes life a lot easier!
If its rolling back that worries you, why not get someone insured on your car, find an extremely quite road with a slight incline, and practice that hill start over and over. Alternatively you could get a car with auto hold, my 2013 Fiesta would auto hold on a hill for about 5 seconds. My Cupra Born will just hold it anywhere if i have stopped at any time and will only start if i press the accelerator again. It might be worth finding something like that (don’t get a Cupra Born its wayyy too fast for a nervous driver).
There might be some other aids you could consider too.
Some areas of the country are hard to drive, even I really struggled when i drove through Birmingham last week.
You has shown yourself to be a competent driver and everyone (well ok most) have the right to be on the road just like you.
This may be counterintuitive, but here is my genuine advice as someone who failed seven driving tests (two abandoned for public safety) due to extreme anxiety. Treat your lessons and test like you’re playing bumper cars. I don’t mean try to actively drive into others, but drive with the mindset that if you collide then it’s not a big deal. I found this reduced my anxiety enough so that I could think logically, have rational thought, and make informed decisions on the road. Take this advice at your own risk though!
I actually found something similar to this helpful when I was very anxious.
The vast majority of accidents are just bumps, you won't die or her seriously injured, it's just lots of paperwork.
That helped control my anxiety because I wasn't catastrophising
Easy with the armchair diagnosis. It certainly could be worth OP speaking to their doctor to explore anxiety symptoms. But you're coming in pretty strong with the clinical language considering this is a short, anonymous post and you're just a guy on the internet.
>I have major anxiety on the roads, I cry every time and it results in a panic attack.
This is textbook panic disorder, a form of anxiety. Any suggestion OP other than seeing a doctor and getting this condition seen to would be cruel to OP and delay them getting better.
I've been there but not driving related, it's horrible. Panic disorder requires professional help and medication will invariably be prescribed as part of the treatment.
There is a BIG difference between "it sounds like you should explore your symptoms of anxiety with your doctor" and "you have these clinical conditions, start taking medication!" The latter is what you said.
Go for drives when it's quieter, evenings and night perhaps, familiarise yourself with the roads around where you live to begin with. I know when I first passed my test, driving in peak traffic was a bit scary, used to take public transport to work even after I'd passed and then I built up confidence by driving when it's a lot quieter
This is me currently. I passed in 2019. I drove a bit after I passed. But I was constantly nervous and anxious. I have driven in the past 3 years. I want to build my confidence up too, but I genuinely only think an automatic car get rid of my fears. Stalling is my worst fear too
My sister had the same issue. She took Rescue Pastilles, which helped calm her, and she started by driving locally late at night until she built up her confidence.
You could also book a lesson with an instructor and ask them to sit with you while you drive your own car. It can be a great way to get used to the car and build confidence in a safe environment.
Ask your instructor about doing a pass-plus course - it sounds like you were confident enough with them in the car prior to your test, maybe they can help you gain more confidence and at least get you on the road doing some more practice.
I'm very similar in that I'm terrified of killing someone so haven't even done my test - I had a motorbike for a few years and that got my confidence up for being on the road and gave me more road sense but I just can't seem to get behind the wheel of a car still. I hope you get there, keep going and I'm sure you will eventually
Could you book your old driving instructor for a couple of hours to just drive around in your car with you. It might calm your nerves and having the same person who taught you saying “you can do this” might just be enough to get you on the road again. I’ve been driving for over 30 years and I still get nervous sometimes, it’s normal.
A refresher lesson might help. Or an automatic. But the only thing that really helps is doing it.
I didn't drive for about 15 years thanks to injury and then being nervous, but then I had to. Took about a dozen trips before the anxiety mostly went away, and another year before I was pretty relaxed at driving.
Ask your driving instructor for a couple of hours of driving supervision in your own car, you’ll have to pay but it’ll be worth it. I did this a thousand years ago on the motorway when I passed.
I used to have really bad driving anxiety, similar to how you described. If I ever had to go somewhere I didn't know I'd worry and "drive the route" on google street view like revision.
Honestly, the only thing that helped was practice and experience. However, I do now have an automatic and it had removed the final bit of anxiety for me because I have more mental capacity to focus on other drivers - I no longer have to fear stalling or hill starts etc.
Might be worth considering switching to automatic in the future.
Automatic refresher lessons. I was the same for 6 years, absolutely terrified. I had 3 refresher lessons and switched to an auto last year and now I've driven 4k miles alone and, outside of major cities or big roundabouts I don't know, it doesn't bother me at all.
Exposure therapy is 🔑
I had pretty crippling anxiety for nearly 5 years, driving was one of the worst. When my wife was pregnant and I knew I would have to drive us to the hospital and home again with the baby, I committed to driving every single drive we took. It didn’t matter if I was sweating, shaking or dizzy from fear, I would ALWAYS drive. It was very very hard, but gradually my brain learnt that nothing ever happened and I would be safe. Since those days, I have driven to and through foreign countries and switched to a job that requires I drive to appointments regularly.
I would recommend looking into DARE on Facebook and YouTube, they give excellent free advice. Exposure therapy and acceptance and commitment therapy were the cornerstones of my recovery.
Typed from my hotel in Crete (I used to have extreme anxiety about travelling to foreign countries) 😁
I passed feb this year and I drove everywhere at around 9pm when roundabouts were quieter and built my confidence up from there. I used to have "driving shoes" because I was scared the "feel" of different footwear would make me magically forget how driving works. I'm still not perfect but no driving anxiety anymore, and I genuinely thought I would never drive
You aren't useless. Everyone has things they struggle with.
The level of anxiety you have doesn't seem to me like it's as simple as practice more, though that should definitely be part of it. I think you need to discuss it with a professional as well as potentially taking more lessons.
Ultimately if seeing another car makes you 'freak out', you have panic attacks, cry, and lose concentration every time you drive - that doesn't sound safe to me and I'd suggest you need to seek professional support before being on the roads unsupervised, even as a qualified driver.
Is the car new to you or did you learn in it? Just wondering if that's the sticking point.
I hope you can get this under control but realistically not everybody is cut out to drive, even if they pass a test.
I’d definitely recommend therapy - I had similar issues in the past and CBT and exposure therapy really helped. One thing to remember is that if you start driving and then back out, you’re feeding the anxiety. If you can keep going through the panic, your body will gradually realise that there’s no reason to be anxious. CBT and other forms of therapy can help work up to this with visualisation before you actually get in the car.
The other thing I’d recommend is going to the opticians and getting your eyes tested. I’d explain that you’ve been getting anxiety driving, and specifically ask to check if thou have any binocular vision issues. If your eyes are slightly out of miss-alignment, it can make depth perception more difficult and cause huge anxiety in situations like driving, where that perception suddenly becomes more important and information is flooding at you quickly.
I haven't experienced it so can't give any actual answer, but offer a couple of suggestions:
Maybe try some separate talking therapy or cbt to otherwise tackle your anxiety. No judgement, but it sounds like that's the real issue and driving is just a major trigger for you.
The other is to pay for extra lessons with your instructor. Since you've passed already the pressure is off, and having that 'backup' reduces any pressure about making mistakes - help is there if you need it. It would be a safe & easy way to get some practice in until you feel better about flying solo.
I passed my test aged 18 ( in 61 now) I only drive local & I'm happy & confident doing that. I hate busy roads & I've never driven on a motorway. My husband can't understand me but he's always loved driving anywhere, anything at anytime. We're all different. Like someone has suggested driving around where you know at least busy times is a good idea you can always expand if & when it feels right
I was a very anxious learner and took about 5 years to learn as I kept having such long breaks. Panic attacks on lessons and would dread them all week. I never thought I’d learn to drive but forced myself for my kids.
I would say to consider an automatic car- it takes away the worries about stalling and you can just focus on the driving.
Start off slow, make familiar routes, even if it’s to your local shop. Use a sat nav, keep local until you’ve built up your confidence.
Could you go out with a friend or family member at first? You could book in for a few more lessons to re learn your skills.
I’ve been driving for 5 years now and it’s taken a while but it’s now feeling better, I work in the community so am always driving to unfamiliar places which I never thought I’d do.
I would never drive hours and hours to somewhere unfamiliar and have never been on a motorway, but can do anything else.
Not everyone can be super confident, but you can be quietly confident and this will only happen with practise.
I had a period of bad anxiety. Medication was worse than useless for me but CBT helped a lot. Also realising the thoughts that pop in my head can be ignored was a big thing.
For me going out at night and learning the roads is most likely be driving worked really well and then I slowly expanded from that. Barely any other cars around at 11 👍
Can you get someone to drive it to a supermarket car park before you have a go? I know it sounds daft but the only way you'll feel confident is by driving it and by driving around a car park with nobody there will at least put you at ease behind the wheel until you get used to the controls. Not only that but if you keep the car in stationary within a parking bay with the handbrake on,put it in first gear and just get used to when the car feels like it'll go,that way you know that's your bite,you won't go anywhere but you'll feel the car pull. Feel confident enough ands you can take the handbrake off and feel yourself moving away.
As soon as you've done that a few times you can possibly switch it up to a side street where there's plenty of parked cars so you can gauge how comfortable you feel with getting close to cars as you pass.
Best of luck to you though,it tends to be other people on the road that put you in danger and not yourself so just concentrate on you as best you can and you'll get there 👍🏻
I suffer with anxiety and recently passed my test at 35. I realised that the only part of driving I was bad at was thinking about it, if I just made myself get behind the wheel and take instructions in the moment it was a piece of piss. So my advice is to stop rationalising it and just do it.
Honestly, there's nothing you can do other than sit in your car and drive it. Maybe drive in the evening when it quieter.
I passed my test in 2017 and didn't drive again until I bought my car last year. The drive back home on that day was terrifying but told me that all I needed was more practice.
I switched to an automatic, lot less to worry about moment to moment, and did refresher lessons. I passed 2018 and didn't touch a car again until March this year.
Go take some extra lessons - my friends mum lost her licence due to illness and then when they gave it back to her she had such awful anxiety- a few hours out with an instructor did her the world of good, plus there was no pressure as she already had a full licence.
Some advice I was given. For post partum anxiety that made me unable to drive without having panic attacks.
Start with really small journeys at quiet times of the day. But only start when you're feeling 'good'. I started with a small circular route.
And slowly build up to driving slightly further, going to the supermarket etc, or somewhere you enjoy, start to associate with positive experiences.
It takes time to build up confidence once panic attacks start.
If you have anyone to come in the car with you, that grounds you, see if they will come along.
Or alternatively, do an advanced driving course using your car.
I relate very heavily and I hate to say it but it really was practice that helped. after about a year I started realising I wasn’t panicking so much anymore. also some therapy sounds basically essential at this point. wondering how you got through lessons? is there a skill or calming you used then that you can bring back? I also find music very helpful because it gets me out of my own head a bit
I was mega anxious as a learner and my dad basically forced me to drive loads and now I'll drive anywhere.
The more you do it, the easier it gets. Fine a way to make yourself go out in the car as much as possible, don't let yourself avoid stuff.
In the deep end and the exposure to it being ok after all will help more than anything anyone can say to you
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