If you're married, when did your parents meet your in-laws?
Posted by summers_tilly@reddit | AskUK | View on Reddit | 119 comments
I was born and raised in the UK, but come from a culture where marriage is seen between two families and parents will meet quite early on. My situation was a bit odd, in that I met my husband at work but turned out our mums knew each other from the temple and were friends, so we didn't actually need to introduce them.
My brother-in-law is getting married to someone who's Welsh and her parents have not met my in-laws. There's no plans for them to meet my in-laws until the week of the wedding when they come down to London. I know my MIL was hoping it would be earlier, but my BIL and future SIL aren't planning to arrange anything.
For context, her parents live in Wales but come to London to visit a few times a year. MIL lives in London but about an hour's drive away from them, so it would take some co-ordinating. It's not causing any drama but I was curious to know about other people's experiences.
AnonymousTimewaster@reddit
They met briefly about a year into our relationship when my parents picked her up from her parents house (we were going on holiday together)
HyperAndStick@reddit
My parents live in the North West. Wife's parent(s) North East. They've never met. I've been married 16 years.
breadlinn@reddit
My Mam - never.
My Dad and the in-laws? When my Mam passed away and helped me clear out her house.
She passed in Jan 2024 and we got married that November.
amandacheekychops@reddit
Our parents met at our engagement party, which was 15 years ago. They met again on our wedding day and never again since. My dad died last year so they will never all meet again.
They had absolutely nothing in common with each other. š¤£
BertieBus@reddit
Been with my partner 18 years. My mum and dad have met MIL maybe once? And that was only by accident.
MojoMomma76@reddit
Met for lunch a few months before the wedding then on the day, not since (we donāt have kids), but they exchange Christmas cards and ask after each other.
Negative-Associate38@reddit
At the wedding reception when they sat on the next table. It was for the best really as my MIL never shuts up and my dad constantly asks questions and doesn't understand that she's going to say what she's going to say regardless and he doesn't need to prolong the agony. Generally you don't know who she's talking about and they are dead anyway. You can't interrupt and say "is she dead?" as the story won't conclude any sooner. I think they might have met up independently once after that due to MIL's convenient proximity to a motorway junction half way to their friend's house but Never Again.Ā
bugs-bats-and-beyond@reddit
Mine have never met my in-laws - but I'm estranged from my parents, so it's for the best.
CicadaSlight7603@reddit
Once during wedding planning. At the wedding. One set invited the others to stay a few years later. Theyāve met a couple of times in passing eg when new babies or for childrenās events.
Redgrapefruitrage@reddit
They had dinner with them once a few years ago. We eloped shortly after Covid lockdown so none of my parents were at my wedding - They havenāt met since. Although you have reminded me that they should soon!Ā
LittleoneandPercy@reddit
Pretty sure they met on our wedding day, my late mum had passed by then. Then they met a few times over Christmas or Easter gatherings at ours, not something my dad was bothered about to be honest .
JGalKnit@reddit
They met at various occasions. They are besties or anything though.
SuperJim64@reddit
On the wedding day. And never again since.
Friendly_Order3729@reddit
Why never since if you don't mind me asking?
SuperJim64@reddit
A few reasons. They live hundreds of miles from each other. My wife barely talks to her parents as it is.
stripybanana223@reddit
Not OP but mine live abroad so havenāt seen each other again
Jasboh@reddit
Same boat as your q, my in-laws won't come to gatherings and my parents aren't bothered about making friends with them outside of that.
Intrepid_Bearz@reddit
My Mum met my MIL about 3/4 years after we got married. Only the once, as we cut contact with MIL for being a cow bag.
We didnāt have any family at our wedding just us and our cat sitters as witnesses.
KateEllaBeans@reddit
At my husbands 18th birthday party which was Rocky Horror Themed.
His dad was Frank N Furter and his mum was Magenta. Husband was Riff Raff.
We weren't dating at the time we were friends and it was hilarious
MillySO@reddit
Iāve been with my partner for 12 years and our parents have never met. Our āweddingā will be an elopement because I donāt like weddings. We are not planning on having children. Thereās no reason for them to be in the same place at the same time I guess.
Thereās nothing wrong with our parents and we visit both sets but I donāt view our relationship as combining our families. I find that view a little odd.
scotsmanaajk@reddit
About a month after the wedding. We eloped to Vegas - highly recommend!!
SceneDifferent1041@reddit
Never. What a ball ache that sounds.
VarangianWRLD@reddit
99% of the time I feel very English
This thread is that 1% that reminds me how foreign I am culturally
GinBitch@reddit
Week before we got married, we were together 15 years before we got married and just never got around to it.
OutsideTheRain6070@reddit
Never. My momās in the US, husbandās in England, and we lived in Japan until my mother died.
I wish she could have met my MIL because that bish is CRAZY and Iād love to hear what my mom would have thought about her!
liketheothergirls2@reddit
We did a breakfast/meeting the day before of the wedding...but my family is odd and my parents were in the middle of a divorce and lived abroad.
msmoth@reddit
Not married but my partner and I have been together for 20 years. Our parents have never met.
togtogtog@reddit
At the wedding.
To be fair, we did get married 5 months after meeting and our parents lived at opposite ends of the country, and it was the second marriage for both of us.
Kleepuppet@reddit
We've been together for over thirty years, our parents have never met.
VarangianWRLD@reddit
How?
811545b2-4ff7-4041@reddit
Fun fact: There's a word in Yiddish without an English translation, to describe 'the parents of your child's partner' (i.e. the 'opposing' in-laws) - Machatunim - https://www.kveller.com/theres-no-english-translation-for-this-lovely-jewish-family-concept/
When did mine meet? I honestly can't remember as we've been married almost 20 years.
OldDescription9064@reddit
Hindi has samdhi and samdhan for the opposite FIL and MIL respectively.
Nameisnotmine@reddit
Punjabi also has this but Quoram for FIL and quoramnee for MIL
Alone_Improvement735@reddit
My parents and MIL met the first Christmas we were together and a few occasions after that unrelated to the wedding. My FIL and parents it was at the wedding rehearsal the evening before. I donāt think itās critical that they meet before though.
Puzzled-Barnacle-200@reddit
I think the summer before we moved on together, after about 3.5 years of dating.
minadequate@reddit
Iāve been married almost 6 years, my mum has met my in laws briefly a few months after I got married (probably for all of 10minutes), my dad has never met them.
We married in Covid and had people on both side who were isolating so we didnāt have guests. Then we both moved out of the country.
I donāt feel the need for people to meet one another.
alillypie@reddit
The pair is getting married and in relationship. Their parents don't even have to meet or once is enough
thethirdbar@reddit
Oooh good question. I think we did an engagement dinner? It was a long time ago now. I once hosted Christmas dinner for my family (mum, dad, sister, sisters partner and niece) AT my in laws house (mil fil and bil) - I think that was before we got married, might've been after tho.
We went on holiday with my in laws last week and I got up one morning to my mil telling me all about what my mum had been up because she'd been on the phone with her for their fortnightly gab! I was quite bemused like, shouldn't I be the one with the upside on my mum? š
snarkmaiden5@reddit
This is going to seem crazy, and probably highly unusual. They've never met. Ever. Never even spoken on phone or texted each other. They live opposite ends of the country
anonymouslyusing@reddit
Theyāve never met. Together 14 years, married for 8
confused_mani@reddit
My spouse and I are South Asian, so our parents met a month before we got engaged. I know itās normal for Asians to have a lot of parental involvement but our parents didnāt - they knew weād been dating for a while and were planning to marry anyways. Apart from the odd hello on WhatsApp, they donāt meet each other. I think theyāve met 3-4 times since our wedding which was 1.5 years ago.
Malenkoe_4udo@reddit
In my culture it is also common for parents to have their own relationship and meet before the wedding to discuss costs. However, in my case, my parents do not have a common language with my MIL and FIL, so they would struggle to communicate. They met 1 day before the wedding (my husband and I paid for the wedding anyway) and have never seen each other again.
Squeak_Stormborn@reddit
It's been 12 years and not yet!Ā
Neither side are particularly sociable and neither are we. We don't see them much ourselves.
atomic_mermaid@reddit
Not married but been together and lived together for years. They've never met, neither side seem to care.
SpudFire@reddit
I'm not married but my ex's parents met mine within a year of us getting together. They're still friends now even though that relationship ended years ago
LucyLovesApples@reddit
Info if MIL wanted to meet them then why not invite them over when theyāre down to visit their daughter?
sweatypissflap@reddit
not married but been together for 20 years and our parents have still never met.
dobbynobson@reddit
18 years together for us, and same. They wouldn't like each other or see eye to eye on anything (my lot are snobs, his lot are blunt-talking but also bear grudges for perceived slights). It would benefit no-one, be enormously stressful, and could actually damage the good relationships we currently have with our 'in-laws'. Plus I have 4 parents/step-parents which outnumbers the other side. And they all live hundreds of miles apart so any meeting couldn't easily be a casual cup of tea!
Flat_Development6659@reddit
Met at the wedding, parents and close family from both sides stopped at the chateau we were getting married at in France for 3 nights so had plenty of time to have drinks and get to know each other.
They've met a couple of times since, both sides coming to a BBQ we're hosting next weekend too.
Stabbykarp@reddit
After about three weeks? Husband couldn't drive without someone there (his Mum) I couldn't drive so we met up in the middle, first thing my Mum does is give MIL a hug and introduced herself!
terryjuicelawson@reddit
They both just happened to have overlapping visits and they met then rather than any special meeting. The wider family they probably didn't meet until the wedding. It isn't a big issue, it takes a lot of doing if people live in separate areas.
zxrx24@reddit
Maybe a cultural difference, but met mine about a year into dating!
melancholyy-scorpio@reddit
Was waiting for a comment like this, I met my partner's mum on our first date because he still lived with her at the time. I saw her 3+ times a week for over 3 years!
zxrx24@reddit
!!! Me and my partner are different cultures and he was quite surprised when I said its normal for the families to meet when things get serious š
FenderForever62@reddit
They met 7 years before my husband was born, and 9 years before I was born (my aunt and his mom are best friends, and set us up)
After we got together, I think the first time our parents āmetā was when we moved house, but that was nothing formal. Just helping us put boxes together etc. (as an aside, I never met my husband until we were set up, and never met his parents either. Our parents werenāt close with each other, but just knew of each other and had been on the same weeklong holiday with my aunt in the 1980s!)
Icy_Mango6803@reddit
When we got engaged, our parents went for coffee together so they wouldn't have to meet for the first time on a busy day when they'd probably mostly want to connect with their own families. They got on well, probably would have become friends if they lived closer.
Tricky_Persimmon3043@reddit
I got engaged in November last year - our families met in July a few months before.
PetersMapProject@reddit
Not married, our dads met once about 4 years into the relationship. Our mums have never met - one died, one we don't see much of anyway.Ā
They live about three hours apart.Ā
enthusiasticsqu1rrel@reddit
No longer married, but I guess I still count!
My folks and in-laws met for the first time about 6 months before we got hitched.
Who_Knows_M3@reddit
Mum's met on my wedding dress appointment. Everyone else met at the wedding. But his mum lives 3 1/2 hours away and his dad 4 1/2 hours away, people work and no family gatherings to bring people together to make it worth staying over anywhere, so no easy drop by and meet.
GabberZZ@reddit
A few months after we met, we usually do a family meal for birthdays and they got invited along.
We usually still meet up for birthdays and special occasions 25 years later.
GeggingIn@reddit
About two years after we started seeing each other.
We all do Christmas together and they have become pals that holiday as a four.
Never really thought about it, but reading the other answers wonder if this is strange.
stinkystink128@reddit
Not married but been together 15+ years. They met at our daughter's first birthday party š
decentlyfair@reddit
Been together 17 years and married for 9. Parents have never met. Nor will they know as both mums have died.
donutaud15@reddit
It has been 15 years and they've not met.
MoreUnadventurous@reddit
24 years of relationship here and my mum met my dad in law very early on and met his mum maybe 10 or 15 years later. My dad has never met either of them and I doubt he ever will. They all live far apart and not especially near us either. Actual "wedding" was 2 witnesses, paperwork then home.
donutaud15@reddit
My in laws and my mother lives about 30 mins away from each other. Just that my mother is a completely horrible human being who was racist towards my husband and didn't attend our wedding. Now that I'm completely no contact with her, she will never meet his parents. Doubt she even knows what they look like.
Moment_13@reddit
We'd been together 5 years before getting engaged, and they met 4 months before the wedding at my birthday dinner (my in laws were really keen that they had to meet my parents before the wedding day else it would be awkward!).
littlehamster_@reddit
My parents have never met my husband's parents but they are estranged so that's why.
My brother's wife's parents turned up uninvited to my grandma's funeral to meet my family. Needless to say it wasn't very well received and it's still tutted about 10 years later.
love_in_october@reddit
My parents live in Northern Ireland, my in-laws live in the West Midlands and for our entire relationship until marriage my husband and I lived in Oxford (and now live even further south). We went to stay at our parents' houses plenty of times and they've talked to each other over video call since we started dating (usually just saying hi in the background). The first time they actually met in person was a few days before our wedding, we'd been together for three years at that point. They've met one other time in person since (we've been together for five years now). They get along great and my mum and MIL messaged each other every day, it's just not very practical especially as my MIL is in very bad health and can't come to our house any more.
asymmetricears@reddit
It wasn't a planned thing for my parents. Unless I've forgotten an earlier time, my mum met my in laws when we were dropping my at the time girlfriend off at her parents when we were passing, this was about 8 months into our relationship. My Dad met them when he gave my girlfriend a lift to her parents when we returned from a holiday, which was a bit over a year into our relationship.
TheShakyHandsMan@reddit
Not long after we bought our house a few months before the wedding.
Formal_Produce_8077@reddit
not married but my future in laws met my mum the day i gave birth
Friendly_Order3729@reddit
About 4 months in at my (now husbands) 30th birthday party.
My MIL and her partner are now regularly included in my family events and even went out with my parents without us a week after our wedding!
Been together nearly 5 years, engaged after 3 years and got married 2 weeks ago.
carliecustard@reddit
Ive been with my partner for 12.5 years, my mum met his dad about 5 months ago for the first time š our dad's never met, and mine died last year so never will x
dani-dee@reddit
Since being a grown up Iāve often found it wild that my nana & grandad and my other grandad never once met (their wedding was just them, witnesses and me and my brother).
My mum and in laws probably see other once or twice a year. Every other Christmases at least as we do a Boxing Day tea for my in laws and my mum alternates christmas with us and my brothers family.
My in laws are very close to their other DILs mum though, they go on holidays together, bonfire night, Christmas Day, birthday teas etc. Itās not for me at all.
AHKieran@reddit
Been together 8 years. Engaged for 3 of those. Wedding is next year. They're meeting for the first time at the end of this month.
(Met when I was at uni so not local to each other)
JC3896@reddit
Did a dinner with both sets of parents before we got engaged, was around the time we bought as house together as both sets of parents were around so we went out for a meal. Did another one after we got engaged about 6 months later. After that not again until the wedding as they live on opposite sides of the country. In laws are moving close soon though, so I imagine it'll happen once or twice a year moving forward.
agentrossi176@reddit
Around the time we got engaged, I think a couple months after. There was no big reason they hadn't met before that, just they live some distance apart and neither of us were going home to visit all that often anyway. Once we knew we were getting married though we made it a priority, they've still only met a handful of times and they're friendly but don't know each other all that well
Soniq268@reddit
The day of the wedding. Weāre in Scotland and my parents and FIL live about an hour away from each other. My FIL lives 5 mins away from my wife and I
We donāt particularly like FIL, didnāt actually know he was planning on coming to our wedding till the day before (he didnāt go to my SILs wedding, it was ātoo farā despite also being in Scotland) so we made no effort to arrange for him to meet my family. Our wedding is the only time they have met/been in the same room.
geesegoosegeesegoose@reddit
I'm not married but been with my partner 7 years. At this point, we're wondering if ours will ever meet. They live in different countries and have no language in common, despite having about 4 or 5 languages between them. We've talked about getting married and how it'll work because we live here in the UK so we'd get married here, but her dad has never been on a plane and seems unlikely to, and her mum has various health stuff going on. My mum also has health stuff going on that she doesn't want to go abroad with, so I just don't see how they'll ever meet tbh. We'd probably get married here with my family and do something to celebrate it there with her family.
ossifiedbird@reddit
Been married for 5 years and my parents and in-laws still haven't met. We eloped, so no big wedding and they live at opposite ends of the country. They have nothing in common and would never be friends so don't see any need for them to meet
Short-Shopping3197@reddit
I think we arranged for ours to meet after we got engaged and threw a little party. After that it was the night before the wedding when we went out for a meal.
PHayesxx@reddit
I think it completely depends on living situation, culture, relationship with parents, distance etc.
I've had girlfriends that have met my mum (only living parent) after 2 months, this is primarily because I live at home.
My friend who's now married met his in-laws several times as he often stayed at their house or picked his then girlfriend up to go out.
shinyscot@reddit
Iāve been with my wife 7 years, married for 1 year. No family invited to the wedding (we all get on, just didnāt want a big wedding). To date, in laws havenāt made and I donāt expect them to tbh.
NuisancePenguin44@reddit
I can't think of any reason they would meet before or after the wedding to be honest. I'm not getting married but been with my partner for 13 years. My parents will likely never meet my in laws.
filipha@reddit
Never. Been married for almost 20 years, we're from different countries (speak different languages) and my partner and I live in a completely different country from our parents'. Wedding was in Vegas, it was just the two of us.
No-Agent3916@reddit
Iāve been married 12 years , out parents met for the first time last Easter , it went better than I expected
fuzzydogpaws@reddit
I think it really depends on the people involved.
Been with my husband 15 years. Our parents have met twice.
The first time was a month before the wedding, and the second was the wedding day. We got married 5 years ago.
They live in the same city.
Whereas my best friendās in laws live several hours away. There are regular drinks/dinners/events where the in laws mingle. This started around a year in the relationship.
No_Factor_1269@reddit
To answer ur question practically, theres no real expectation for them to meet. Engagement or wedding is fine. In english culture in general, your family is not as a reflection of you as an adult
loranlily@reddit
Literally years after I was married. I want to say like 5 or 6 years after? I live in America, as do my in-laws, and my parents live in the UK. My husband and I usual travel to the UK to see my family, rather than them visiting us here, and between that and covid travel restrictions it didnāt happen when we wanted it to. We had two wedding ceremonies, and neither set of parents was able to travel to the other one.
Mischeese@reddit
Our parents were complete opposites so we kept them apart as much as possible for 23 years! They met on our wedding day and our daughterās first birthday and that was it.
ejcg1996@reddit
My parents live abroad so we arranged a time for them to meet my husbandās parents when they visited us after we got engaged. Then they met again at the wedding, and we usually have dinner all together when my parents visit. So once a year or so.
MimiGracey@reddit
My parents and soon to be in-laws will meet the week of our wedding - they live in different countries so it hasnāt yet been possible for them, but I do often find it funny that they will meet at such an important event!
ilikebigboatzz@reddit
The night before the wedding
Bad_Combination@reddit
My parents met my MIL doesn't live in the UK, whereas my parents do, so they met the day before my wedding, at the rehearsal. They also don't speak the same language as each other, so there wasn't exactly much conversation!
Asaxii@reddit
My wifeās mum and my mum had a chat on the phone, with us translating for them. Sadly. They never got to meet.
NA-31@reddit
Once my partner and I had agreed we want to get married, we spoke to our own parents and arrangement a date for them to come to my house. Rest is history. Good luck
HappySmileMillion@reddit
About a year after us going out I think! Been together 8 years, not married but have children
wardyms@reddit
Weād been living together 8 years before we got married and Iām fairly certain they only met a few months before.
lovemycat02@reddit
My parents met my partner before we were even aware we had crushes on each other.
Tiddlybean@reddit
Iām married, my parents have never met my husbandās Dad and his wife.
mariah_a@reddit
My mother never met my in-laws. We absolutely knew they would not get on, and deliberately coordinated it and lied that the other person was busy whenever one of them asked about the possibility. My mother died before we got engaged though, so it was only while we were dating.
Rare-Candle-5163@reddit
Our parents met each other about 5 years into us being together when we had both sides together for Christmas at our place. My sister-in-law was there too. My mum had aggressive cancer and we werenāt engaged yet, so we knew this was really the only time to do it. She died 5 months later and even now, 8 and a half years after that Christmas, my in-laws still talk about how lovely it was to spend that day together.
Historical_Site508@reddit
Dinner together the day before the wedding
BastardsCryinInnit@reddit
About a year and a half in.
We have a language and slightly cultural barrier so it was pointless doing it any earlier.
Plus neither of us feels they have to meet much at all.
Mglfll@reddit
My mum met my MIL when we found out we were expecting our son.
We had him 2yrs before we were married
davedoesntlikehats@reddit
About 6 months or so before the wedding. Was a bit of an operation as they live in different countries.
BowiesFixedPupil@reddit
That is NOT on the agenda lol.
I don't have a choice but I don't need to subject my parents to that!
Married for 6 years now, together 15.
Nym_Nightingale@reddit
They haven't yet. But my mother lives in Germany. They'll meet when she's flying over to visit us next year.
Pure_Cantaloupe_3195@reddit
4 months after the wedding
lil_chunk27@reddit
I'm not married but have been with my partner for nearly 9 years. Our parents met about a year about we moved in together I think - we'd been together nearly 3 years at that point. They've met just once since when we had a party when we had a baby! I think when it first happened we thought it was nice to do (we went for a Sunday lunch) but it wasn't essential even then, really.
Wooden_Permit1284@reddit
My parents met my in-law on our wedding day.
Between the two families, we have 4 dads and 1 mum.
Go figure
weeble182@reddit
Think our folks met a few months before the wedding when we had them all over for a coffee.
They literally lived five minutes drive apart from each other, but no real need for them to meet
silly_capybara@reddit
2 days before the wedding.
Ok-Medium-4128@reddit
My mother met my, soon to be, mother in law before I did. They used to work together š
AirlineSevere7456@reddit
a week before the wedding
Ambitious-Elk-3350@reddit
Never. No reason to.
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